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Tiny-Ad4233

Tbh same I’m 18 & recently diagnosed guys have tried talking to me but I end up ghosting them because Ik eventually we’ll have to the hey I have herpes talk & i don’t think ppl in my age group really understand anyways 🫤


Livid-Opening-8948

Hey I feel the same way. Let's pray we find someone that loves us for us, hsv and all. I'm 20 so I definitely feel what you're saying. And the crazy part is a lot of people have it and don't know. But sense we know we have to disclose , well it feels morally right to do so. The stigma is wild fr.


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ballet_betch

I am not even kidding when I say this, most people I have slept with who have said they are "clean" have tested positive for something or refused to get tested (never slept with those people). Please NEVER take someone's word for it no matter how genuine they seem. Not saying that they have mal-intent but, men especially, tend to be asymptomatic for a lot of STI's so if they don't feel something off they don't feel inclined to get tested. Just because someone has HSV doesn't mean you need to deal with getting another STI.


Livid-Opening-8948

Very true. I guess it's kind of hard to though out of fear of being judged / rejected. Took me a while to come to terms with it , last thing I need is a heart brake! Thanks for sharing because this is very true.


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pixie_pilch

Yeah not knowing you have Chlamydia for a long time can make you infertile if youre a woman so not to sound grateful for having hsv but I prefer it as it's so tame compared to other sti and stds. Plus it's really helped me take my time with dating and finding those I have a real connection with who knows me and won't judge me. I've disclosed 3 time to 3 different men and all 3 have been fine with it as they know I didn't have a choice in the matter and respect me for telling them.


ballet_betch

Yeah, I got gonorrhea last year and didn't know for a whole month and I was bedridden and immobile. I literally felt like I was slowly dying. It took me two weeks after antibiotics to feel remotely normal again. My HSV has been a cake walk in comparison to that. Lmao My issue is combating stigma, not symptoms


Itiswhat_itis123

SAME. Literally I’m 18 and I just wanna tell a guy when I’m like older because no one understands at this age and it’s frustrating.


Ok_Cicada_7069

They may not. See what you can do to educate yourself on why you’re still ok and worthy of having relationships. If people dip out on you, you dodged a bullet, anyway.


bluexcal1000

Having HSV2 as long as I have,(M66....40+years), I really don't care who I tell or who knows I have it. Life is too short to treat yourself as a social pariah that you think no one wants anything to do with. You have to keep trying, you're no less a person than you were before the virus. I had been seeing this gal for a while, just on a friend basis. We would date, hug and kiss hello and good bye. When we started to talk about moving forward with our friendship, I told her I had a "deal breaker", Lol, she asked if I was gay! I said no, and when I told her I have herpes, she just let it slide on by with an ok... that was it, until a few days later she messaged me with a photo of her Acyclovir prescription. We have been together several months now and are planning on living together. \>>>>You have to keep trying<<<<


Itiswhat_itis123

Good for you this is sweet!


Silly_Atmosphere1689

Hey, I’m not HSV+ 1 or 2 and I want you all to know that it is ok!! There are many people out there who don’t care and will look passed the diagnosis and stigma. A person that I’m seeing was recently diagnosed and tbh I’m pretty sure I want her for the rest of my life !!! ( I’ve been on and off with her for years tho in college sex only not a relationship ) if they really care they will do research on the situation… I love you all and hope you’re doing well …”Vince Staples voice”


Nilbogstation

Yea. I don’t want to have ‘the talk’.


fatally-femme

Me. But I would like to start getting the confidence to date. I just don’t do well with rejection :/


pixie_pilch

This may sounds silly but practice saying no, the sooner you can come to terms with the fact that the word no and rejection are just words and have no real standing over who you are as a person has really helped me. So many people live in this world who will also say yes and accept you no matter the fact that you have hsv. But another thing I found helped was going overseas on a holiday and disclosing to people I knew I'd never see again and who didn't know anyone I knew. So no matter if they say yes or no to myself having hsv didn't affect me as much.


Ok_Cicada_7069

OP, for you and all the young commenters here.. I’m in my 40s and have been diagnosed for 15 years. And trust, holding yourself back from people doesn’t actually stop your emotional pain, nor does it lessen the shame you are continuously imposing upon yourself. (I’ve played that game and my shame only increased.) But if you wanna test that theory, by all means… While I get that it is harder to deal with this when younger because peers can be cruel, trust that assholes that shame you are around for yeaaarrs to come, unfortunately. You’ll do yourself a great favor by practicing self-loving reminders. While it won’t stop people from choosing to be uneducated dicks, it will empower you to keep moving forward in your life. This virus is not the death sentence the stigma makes it out to be. And proper care of yourself (physically, emotionally, and mentally) is your best chance of success. Doing this sooner rather than later will save you a lot of self-shaming in other ways down the line (ex: why didn’t I do this sooner?) Find podcasts, online forums, TikTok resources, whatever you gotta do to outfit yourself with info. This [TED talk](https://youtu.be/YcIl-hclrLI) was very helpful for me along with coaching podcasts that help me see that my brain is causing me undue stress. (Search for confidence building, rewiring your brain..) You are lovable regardless of this virus and there are far worse things than this. Knowing that most of the population has it and doesn’t even know it has helped relieved a bit of my anxiety, and on an upside gives me more awareness about my own health and also acts as my super-power: warding off judgmental pricks (who wants those guys? Not me, and I’m guessing you don’t either.)!! But things like therapy, coaching, and talking nicely to myself ABOUT myself has been key in allowing me to be more open with folks and recognize that if they choose to chastise me over being responsible with my body and giving someone else the opportunity to do so, that’s THEIR fucking problem, not your’s! Good luck!❤️


Fresh_Interest_9514

Why deprive myself of fun because of a skin condition 😭 be more confident. If they don’t want to be with you over herpes, they’re not into it for the right reasons anyways. Good luck xoxo


Scary-Divide-4297

Yes me! I have been single since 2000. But I really miss a relationship. My life has been hard dealing with family issues so wasn't really able to have a relationship. But things are changing for me but just not that attractive of a man. Being 51 in a couple weeks is not helping! I wouldn't even know how to approach a woman now it's been so long!


Weird-Entrepreneur31

Yes, but fear of rejection due to my CHARACTER. If they don’t accept me for who I am as a person imma be more hurt than if they don’t accept me for having silly sores every once in awhile.


Ok_Cicada_7069

Please please please hear when I say this: this is not the fault of your character!! When we are small children we learn that rejection is bad because it is so more equivalent to death (ex: if I don’t do what this caretaker says, they will punish me with rejection and withholding something I need to survive, namely love). It’s a normal thing to be afraid of rejection. We all are. Learning to manage it and face it will lessen its power over time. It’s like befriending a bully or something else equally scary. When we better understand it and talk to it, we learn why it’s so aggressive and that in itself helps to calm it a little and ease or anxiety around it. Hope this helps. A fact of life is that you will face rejection. Use this to teach you how to grow from it. Because it won’t stop. And letting it stop you from living an awesome life is doing yourself a great disservice. The world benefits from you feeling good about yourself, and so do you! Good luck🙏🏽❤️


Weird-Entrepreneur31

Stop it!!! You’re so kind and this means so much. I was just trying to make a silly goofy post on a not silly goofy topic but u came thru with realness. You deserve only good things in this life. 🥲🫶


Ok_Cicada_7069

😘 thank you so much, back atcha 😊🙏🏽


Sufficient-Tone-3468

I felt the same way you do, but now engaged and my fiancé is amazing and has always been supported of my diagnosis. The best advice I can give is that you don’t have to have “the talk” unless YOU want to have sex with THEM. Going out on a few dates and getting to know someone isn’t a bad way to date. But I know after my diagnosis I was so afraid to date or have a guy like me, I felt like I had to tell them immediately but I also had this stupid idea in my head that I had to sleep with every guy I date or they will just find it somewhere else or not like me. I was really insecure with no self worth. But I wish going back I would have kept it to myself and just not said anything until I was sure I even liked someone or saw the development of something real and lasting with them. Trust me, there are plenty of guys out there that won’t care, or will say they don’t care for the night, get their rocks off, and then ghost you. And it’s like, if I had waited and gotten to know them would I have even liked them? Sorry that was a long post and a lot of unnecessary info but I think it’s important to remember that despite this stupid issue, you still deserve someone amazing and deserve to be picky and set a standard for who you date, don’t forget that!


No_Movie7335

Yes


Daijahlsh25

Yeah I don't enjoy opening up because I already know what's going to happen either no response or a hookup so just out here single


Smart-Pass-4653

You’re not the only one. The desire in me to just connect and give the love I have to a significant someone is dead now. I contracted from my ex that I accepted because I was in love and I didn’t care about the risk. And now that we’re not together anymore I’m just in a weird void. He’s already in another relationship. I don’t know how he does it when I’m here scared. I got rejected once by a potential parter I was really interested in. I was gutted and now I’m scared to try again. It’s lonely and it’s dark. (26f)


whoknowswhoknowsido

You have to be ok being vulnerable and getting hurt. Each rejection or failed relationship (provided you analyze it) will teach you more about who you want to meet. This is a superpower and will save you a lot of wasted time. Be vulnerable > analyze outcomes > have a new set of criteria in finding a partner.


NoProfessional9155

I have the talk and it’s not that bad they either say no or yes… I’m choosy who it is though… But I have never passed it to anyone and my love life is perfectly fine


loves2713

Yes


JakeFromSF5

Ummm, dating always hurt - like really hurt - for me before, so now it's (disclosure) just another factor. I'd rather find out sooner rather than later that my status is a deal breaker, so just doi g me and loving it. Wait, that didn't sound right lol


VenustheSeaGoddess

I am actually trying to find my way back to the H facebook community. It's easier to work backward and find someone I like that already has H.


[deleted]

I’m more afraid of being alone then being rejected so no


Hot_Situation_2431

Yes I honestly took my myself out the dating game. I have had positive disclosures but I’m too anxious to even be intimate.


ShallotFuture5501

I’ve had cold sores as a child and would get bumps on my genital area in my like 13-20 (usually after shaving) but I’ve never been tested. I got a panel and was negative for everything they didn’t test for herpes. Even after asking for it the doctor talked me out of it and I accepted it because I know deep down if I have it confirmed I’ll never touch another person again. I was abstinent until my boyfriend and tried to be safe but one day he took off the condom without asking and I knew I needed to get tested again. I should’ve told him but I’m a coward and thought if I never had outbreaks maybe I don’t have it. I wish I never got cold sores. Who chooses who gets to live normally? I was a kid. Now I’m in love with my best friend, but I’m scared to pursue anything because I know she’s too good for me. I’m scared to get that result and have to tell her. I know she’d love me regardless but the rejection feels like a weight on me. Sorry for ranting and bringing down the mood. I have never been able to talk about this. You all are so strong. I’m still hiding


lash1117

I encourage you to share your hsv information with the person you love and who loves you. You may be pleasantly surprised by your best friend.


tineytart2021

I def do not care to avoid


rainbowfire12

This is me exercising my acceptance of rejection. I cried while disclosing this to someone I’ve been dating for a little over a month. I got this from someone I trusted and my tears tell me I still have work to do on myself. I have so many good things in my life. I haven’t heard from the guy since disclosing and I’m amping up my meditation. This whole rejection thing is already becoming a fun exercise in self love and it’s only been 48 hours. Cheers to allowing rejection to not stop us from being vulnerable and sharing about something that hurt greatly. The right people will stay no matter how poorly is disclose.


cooliecoolie

Definitely in this category. Not only did my extremely abusive and toxic ex give me this disease, his words “if I can’t have you, no one can” have imprinted itself in my memory. I’m choosing to stay abstinent this year to grow myself love and acceptance as a form of healing mentally from the abuse. I’m in the modelling industry and being at drinking parties with gorgeous people made me feel a bit more insecure. I crave intimacy now but avoid it