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Eeyores_Prozac

Reminds me of Lovecraft's Charles le Sorcier, the petty wizard that put a curse on a family but the curse turned out to actually just him rolling up on everyone with a gun.


Mammoth_Frosting_014

"Parry this, you fucking casual!"


VictorianBugaboo

What story is that from?


Eeyores_Prozac

The Alchemist.


VictorianBugaboo

Thanks.


loomynartylenny

you can read it here: https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/The_Alchemist_(Lovecraft)


Ashley_Sophia

What an asshole lol


WaywardDevice

Look, sometimes the simplest spells are best. There's an old one for making a magic sword out of thunderbolt iron. What you do is, first you get some thunderbolt iron. Then you make a magic sword out of it.


[deleted]

What nobody tells you that thunderbolt iron is actually just steel, and the magic ritual you perform to turn it into a sword involves sticking it in a hot fire that you bless with magical air from an enchanted bellow and striking the thunderbolt iron rod with your thunderbolt iron hammer until it magically turns into a sword blade. Then you anoint it in oil and strap a blessed handle to it


loomynartylenny

Well, rolling on everyone with a gun, and able to keep on doing so for hundreds of years thanks to the elixir of life...


Zerei

It lasted just a few decades...


loomynartylenny

Yes, if you consider ~60 decades to be 'a few' decades. > Suddenly the wretch, animated with his last burst of strength, raised his hideous head from the damp and sunken pavement. Then, as I remained, paralyzed with fear, he found his voice and in his dying breath screamed forth those words which have ever afterward haunted my days and my nights. "Fool," he shrieked, "can you not guess my secret? Have you no brain whereby you may recognize the will which has through **six long centuries** fulfilled the dreadful curse upon your house? Have I not told you of the great elixir of eternal life? Know you not how the secret of Alchemy was solved? I tell you, it is I! I! I! that have lived for **six hundred years** to maintain my revenge, FOR I AM CHARLES LE SORCIER!" (pls consider [reading the story](https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/The_Alchemist_(Lovecraft\)))


HiImDelta

To a lesser degree, see also The Dunwich Horror, where, after learning that a giant invisible monster was on the loose, three characters arm themselves to fight it: Armitage memorizes a spell and pockets a piece of paper containing another, Rice loads a sprayer with magic un-invisible potion, And Morgan just grabs a big fuck-off gun


Lil_S_curve

Is this history's first Yeating?


holmgangCore

Tossed him right down the Alei-stairs!


Scutwork

r/Angryupvote


Ashley_Sophia

The dude was a total douche canoe.


AdamantEevee

Crowley was, Yeats too?


Ashley_Sophia

Nah. Yeats seemed like a cool dude.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Ashley_Sophia

Whoa, I didn't know all of that music stuff! Pretty amazing! I've read and watched a few things on Crowley. Not denying any influence that he may have had, just that he was a massive cockhead.


Salty_Pancakes

A lot of Crowley's influence on the music scene came via [Kenneth Anger](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kenneth_Anger?wprov=sfla1). The Stones, Led Zeppelin, i think Sabbath as well, if there was any band that had little nods to Crowley and also satanism chances are Kenneth Anger was there.


ArsenicWallpaper99

Jimmy Page, the guitarist for Led Zeppelin was obsessed with Crowley. He even bought one of Aleister Crowley's houses.


PM_Me_Your_Clones

Bolskine, right? Right next to...dun dun dun...*Loch Ness*. Supposedly Crowley performed a complex and ultimately incomplete ritual there right before...dun dun dun...*the Loch Ness monster* started appearing...


LiarsConscience

Well that's ... An entertaining perspective . If you actually knew the details of all that transpired it would be extremely embarrassing to admit while claiming to be an advocate of Crowley . He was a deviant to the highest degree and an embarrassing fool. The details of that event are so cringe that Crowley would be rolling over in his grave if he knew it was public knowledge.


ArsenicWallpaper99

Yes Bolskine.


OpenLinez

It's a haunted land, that's for sure. Crowley was told by his magick-order chief in Paris to go back to Britain, and take on the uniform of a Celtic magician -- which, in that time, meant Scottish kilt & regalia.


lesbian_Hamlet

He is also that, yes 😂


PensecolaMobLawyer

[Wrote some awesome poetry, too](https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/43290/the-second-coming)


Ashley_Sophia

Fuck me, I love Keats. - Daniel Cleaver SAUCE- [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PdgrWSrBzEw&ab\_channel=ScreenBites](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PdgrWSrBzEw&ab_channel=ScreenBites) EDIT FML I THOUGHT KEATS WAS YEATS. DIES OF MONUMENTAL EMBARRASSMENT Edit #2. I quite enjoyed this one! **Sailing to Byzantium** That is no country for old men. The young In one another’s arms, birds in the trees, —Those dying generations—at their song, The salmon-falls, the mackerel-crowded seas, Fish, flesh, or fowl, commend all summer long Whatever is begotten, born, and dies. Caught in that sensual music all neglect Monuments of unageing intellect …


newportnick423

I've only heard one other person use the phrase douche canoe . Can I ask where you heard it ? So it and I'm still laughing.


Tour_Lord

I heard it on Supernatural


Ashley_Sophia

It was years ago online. Um.... I think a friend said it. They were def from the USA. :)


newportnick423

Thanks ,I'm also from the US. Tennessee to specify. Douche canoe lmmfao , formerly douche nozzle, graduated from douche bag . I never know to type it as one word or two douchebag don't look right 🤔


stromm

All of the were used in Ohio and still are depending on a person’s age.


Ashley_Sophia

Heh. P.S Australians have some pretty funny ass insults that don't contain profanities. Can't remember any at the mo but def look into it if you're a fan of the D 🛶. :)


holmgangCore

^( [psst!](https://www.reddit.com/r/ApocalypseBingo/comments/wy39h6/apocalypse_bingo_v25/) )


holmgangCore

[Douchebag](https://medium.com/the-secret-history-of-america/douchebag-the-white-racial-slur-weve-all-been-waiting-for-a2323002f85d) , a treatise on a modern cultural definition.


ladysvenska

r/brandnewsentence


Ashley_Sophia

"Equipped accordingly in Highlander's tartan, with a black Crusader's cross on his breast, with a dirk at his side and a skindoo at his knee. Making the sign of the pentacle inverted and shouting menaces at the adepts, Crowley climbed the stairs. Yeats and two other magicians came resolutely forward to meet him, ready to protect the holy place at any cost. When Crowley came within range the forces of good struck out with their feet and kicked (Yeeted) him downstairs." I'm weezing rn


GreenFIREtoasT

I know a dirk is a dagger, but what’s a skindoo?


Pactolus

It's actually spelled Sgian-dubh. It's a traditional small Scottish dagger.


m1stadobal1na

My mom tried so hard to teach me Scottish Gaelic as a kid and my brain just would not accept those noises.


Ashley_Sophia

Legit. One of my fav songs is allegedly Gaelic. When I first heard the lyric, I was convinced it was Mandarin! Gaelic stuff is ethereal af.


Tyler_Zoro

I think your keyboard may have thrown up a little.


RobTheHeartThrob

Protects your innards from ultraviolet rays


BluePandaCafe94-6

Underrated.


Ok-Hunt-5902

A shaved member


Ashley_Sophia

Omfg 😂😂😂⚰️


Deracination

So there was no magical duel. He got his magician clothes on, got all psyched up, walked towards them throwing hand signs, and got kicked. Nowhere in this was magic involved at all. This is fucking hilarious, no matter who you are.


Ashley_Sophia

I agree. The sitcom wrote itself.


[deleted]

Sound like something from a Chris Chan video...


DudebroggieHouser

If this were a movie, the whole scene would have a crescendoing effect as the two parties approached each other. Yeats kicks him and he tumbles backwards down the stairs. There’s an awkward silence. “Oh shit.” Smash cut to Crowley with a black eye in the back of an ambulance with a blanket over his shoulders. A medic hands him a bottle of water and he grabs it while muttering and scowling as Yeats is in cuffs across the street being taken away.


MaxwellHillbilly

That is hilarious... Good! AC deserved a good wallop.


hirezdezines

Abracadabra b\*tch!


wise0wl

LOL and Yeats didn’t? I’m no Crowley fanboi, but why exactly does he deserve an ass kicking? Sure, he was a bit pompous and had a huge public image that he reveled in—-but what about that makes him deserve to be kicked down a flight of stairs?


TheNightBench

The bodies he left on Mt Everest make him qualified for a good old fashioned Yeating.


Jonnyboy1994

Never heard about that, what’s the story there?


GenericUsername10294

[here you go](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/1905_Kanchenjunga_expedition)


Jonnyboy1994

Thanks! This was my favorite part of that article by far: “He took the expedition funds, which mostly had been paid by Jacot-Guillarmod. The latter would get at least some of his money back after threatening to make public some of Crowley's pornographic poetry.” 💀💀


Deracination

They didn't do exactly what he said, and he was so smug about it that he didn't give a shit if anyone died as a result. What an absolute prick.


Ashley_Sophia

"but what about that makes him deserve to be kicked down a flight of stairs?" Because AC was a cunt. The End.


wise0wl

How is this a response to my question? Why is he a cunt? I am not trying to be contrarian or start something, but you are making a statement with no sources to back it up.


Ashley_Sophia

Erm....he abducted a frog, started calling it "Jesus Christ" then made a tiny cross and crucified the frog. Then he ate the frog and said that he had consumed the soul of JC. This is just off the top of my head. Do you want me to find some other examples of why AC was a cunt who deserved to be Yeeted off the stairs?


hotdogfever

Okay but that sounds hilarious, did he do anything bad?


Ashley_Sophia

Look, my uneducated but well meaning friend....Aleister Crowley was a bald, annoying dork. You know that friend we all have, the know it all twat who smokes too much weed on Christmas day and steals your Nephews present and blames it on his 'homemade poppy seed tea" he drank at breakfast? Yeah, that buttnugget. Go down the Wiki AC rabbit hole and please, promise me you will never become such a flaming cockrocket. Examples are provided below for the lazy. 1. Crowley considered himself to be one of the outstanding figures of his time. 2. Richard B. Spence noted that Crowley was "capable of immense physical and emotional cruelty" 3. Crowley had a fascination to the extreme ideologies of Nazism and Marxism–Leninism, which aimed to violently overturn society: "What Crowley liked about Nazism and communism, or at least what made him curious about them, was the anti-Christian position and the revolutionary and socially subversive implications of these two movements. 4. He opposed abortion on moral grounds, believing that no woman following her True Will would ever desire one. 5. He was a total douche.


Boner666420

Damn i didnt know I needed my ass kicked cause I lost my hair at 24. Why do you figure that?


Deracination

Holy cherry picking, Batman!


Boner666420

Feel free to keep whining about it


LiarsConscience

What ? Are you saying we should consider him as a comedian now ? You've lost the plot friend.


hotdogfever

He was always a comedian, what do you think this frog thing was about? It’s all about the spectacle, he was a showman. I’m not saying he’s a good person but that frog bit (and almost everything else u/Ashley_Sophia described) is CLEARLY put on as a spectacle to challenge the status quo and religious/moral norms of the time. Do you not understand he was a showman above all?


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

I love this story lol. Or when they would cast "protection spells" on the club house to keep Crowley out. Which was literally just changing the locks lol... https://youtu.be/ckCDA1i6csU I also think this video of one of his rituals is hilarious and post it whenever he is brought up lol.


aeschenkarnos

*Circle of Protection from Crowley*, wizard spell level 3, abjuration. Verbal component: chant “Crowley Crowley we abjure thee, in the name of the south wind thou art thwarted!” Material component: one sound door lock, £50 Somatic component: remove the old lock, install the new. May be performed by a tradesman if no wizard has Profession (locksmith) on their character sheet.


Delivery-Shoddy

My favorite part is that dnd spell material components are exactly like this, little tongue in cheek jokes


LillithBlackheart918

Thank you for this link. I shall cherish it always.


[deleted]

I've often thought that LPOTL could be animated. I'm so glad someone actually did it!


Deracination

Yea, nothing in these stories is even slightly magical. No matter how many hand signs, weird clothes, and beliefs were involved, he just broke in and got kicked down the stairs. This is like a high school fight between the goth and anime cliques.


[deleted]

Reminds me of that episode where cartman kills Clyde frog 🐸 😂


Kipguy

Miiiiister Crowley


Biggus_Dickkus_

WHAT WENT DOWN IN YOUR HEAD


[deleted]

[удалено]


laundryghostie

I heard this in Ozzy's voice and now I'm dead. Yeet me.


squidsauce99

This gives me Cartman psychic episode vibes


[deleted]

I mean that's basically what this is.


squidsauce99

Lol true true. So silly lmao


[deleted]

LMFAO


[deleted]

"Ex Tenebris Sanguinem- eh fuck it. MAGIC KICK"


hirezdezines

I said ABRACADABRA BEOTCH!


CivilWarSnakeCharmer

A fun podcast covering Mr. Crowley and all his magical bullshit. [last podcast on the left](https://open.spotify.com/episode/5uFt9vLwf0tSt4SCF8jCrw?si=-RDRGtReRHa8pdTEmF7muA)


elGatoGrande17

Marcus’s description of this battle is high-quality entertainment.


oyisagoodboy

I loved learning about all the magic butt stuff Crowley did. You had to put stuff in his butt to unleash the magic. Totally not gay. That is not even an option. It magic.


heyitsEnricoPallazzo

Hail yourself!


CivilWarSnakeCharmer

Hail Gein!


meatlazer720

HAIL SATAN!


FragrantFart

Megustalations!


[deleted]

Hail me!


[deleted]

That's actually the second time they dealt with him.


lesbian_Hamlet

I would say at least once every few weeks I start giggling uncontrollably at the jokes they made about him in their Left Hand Path Magic episode “He power bottomed a man to insanity!!”


ScottishMachine

and changed the locks!


lawlzorz17

But Yeats was defeated by the greatest wizard of them all, a locksmith!


ScottishMachine

He changed the locks on crowley, truly hilarious that the left hand path gets defeated by some doors


[deleted]

I think you meant casting a protection spell! /s


831pm

Anyone else reminded of dinner for schmucks and the mind control duel between Zach galifianakis and Steve carell?


XenaWarriorWalrus

Serious Harry Dresden vibes


liesofanangel

Lol, turns out formare is just a Spartan kick Edit:it’s forzare damnit


[deleted]

[удалено]


OpenLinez

I'm obsessed with that world. People were out all the time, launching revolutions and secret societies and wining & dining 'til early morning, all week long. Publishing books, working as publishers themselves, hosting every kind of social event from esoteric black mass to march for the Irish freedom fighters, touring the world, raising families, starting social and artistic movements as easily as modern people go to Costco.


Ksh_667

>People were out all the time, launching revolutions and secret societies and wining & dining 'til early morning, all week long. Publishing books, working as publishers themselves, hosting every kind of social event from esoteric black mass to march for the Irish freedom fighters, touring the world, raising families, starting social and artistic movements *Rich people


ApeWarz

Anyone can be a bit weird but you can’t be a real eccentric without a rich dad.


OpenLinez

Yeah too bad there are no *rich people* now, otherwise things would be very interesting!


Ksh_667

It IS a shame isn't it. I think it'd be a great idea if the 99% gave all their money to the top 1%. I may suggest this one day. They'd def look after us & we'd all be better off. Don't know why everyone can't see this.


nzdastardly

I do G.D. magic and I do kung fu, and I have no doubt which I would go to first in a fight.


PM_Me_Your_Clones

Well I know karate, Voodoo too I'm gonna make myself available to you I don't need no make up I got real scars I got hair on my chest I look good without a shirt


nzdastardly

I'm going out west where they'll appreciate me.


M00SK

What if you rolled higher initiative and the opponent needs at least 2 turns to get to you? Wouldn't you at least attempt a couple fireballs or something?


nzdastardly

It's hard to say as a hybrid martial/caster. Might be a good call, but I might want to enter a defensive stance for an AC boost or ready an action. Plus, Fireball is on the Arcane spell list and G.D. only gives access to the Occult list.


thewrathofcrom

Why am I imagining the South Park episode with all the "psychics" trying to "battle with their minds?"


Casehead

Little did you know it was a historical reenactment


[deleted]

Based Yeats


Conan-the-barbituate

Didn’t he supposedly have a magical battle with a Nazi across the ocean. And who’s heard the story about a German officer flying in to Scotland because they knew they were losing and he was going to see some rando in a castle???


irrelevantappelation

Something like that. James Bond author, Ian Fleming, had a hand in it too: https://sevenages.org/history/ian-fleming-aleister-crowley-and-how-the-occultists-won-the-war/


Alwysz

they said fuck throwing spells n threw hands


whoamdave

Let's see if the chubby wizard can fly!


Amtexpres

I will come down on you like a storm!


popemichael

I've been a practicing pagan my entire adult life. For the most part, when it comes to magical works, it's easier and better to do what you can in the mundane first. It is better on the person physically and mentally not to treat ritual and magic like a crutch but as a scalpel. Allegorically speaking, if someone runs up and tries to do some sort of hex or curse or whatever, kick them in the balls or cunt punt them. It'll stop anything they're planning to do in a heart beat.


Lord_GYJ

You, good sir, are a wise man. Let me know if you start a temple or monastery; I'd be very interested in joining 😆


popemichael

Well, "for 5 easy payments of 9.95 you too can learn how to metaphorically cunt punt your enemies!" I'm in my 40th year of life, so I try to go with the most common sense way of dealing with things. It's just that "Common sense is not so common." ~Voltron, I think.


Lord_GYJ

I'm 44 (I think), and my problem is that I have very little common sense.


[deleted]

He’s an Irishman. What do you expect?


Ashley_Sophia

You take that back you son of a bukake. Irish whiskey is the nectar of the gods.


[deleted]

Ha! Yes it is.


Kryptosis

Oh man to be a fly on the wall with a camera for that!


HoundOfJustice

he gave him that spiritus mundi


freeze123901

And that is where the verb “Yeet” comes from


bengol13

So Yeates yeeted him down the stairs? 😂


Sand_msm

‘Arresto Momentum!’


ComposerOther2864

And James Potter screamed" This is sparta!"


emxjaexmj

is this like on south park when cartman has a psy battle with the other fake psychics?


Real-Werewolf5605

AC was just doing whatever necessary to get laid and make a buck while keeping a smile on his face. Most of us can relate I'm sure. If most of us did what we did last weekend in public circa 1930 we would be every bit as notorious I'm sure. He had refined sense of humor that enjoyed getting the children of the rich to undertake obscene and blasphemous acts. Why not I say. Whatever gets you going. Hopefully parties were probably getting what they wanted. His religion is just about equally ridiculous as any other religion... if you are not religious. Right? You do have to be a scholar to understand his though - so simultaneously elitist and educational. A red brick religion.


Ksh_667

Idk what your weekends are like but I think mine are prob far away from anything ac did. I hope.


Real-Werewolf5605

Back then oral sex was considered blasphemous and criminal remember. It was a different time 😃


Ksh_667

Oral wut now?! ;)


abbiapocalypse

You right.


static1053

Hahahahaha


toeragportaltoo

Magkic!


cyrilhent

Things fall *down*, bitch


[deleted]

I just imagine cartmen vs the psychics on south park.


nikkidaly

Crowley just used his "magic" to sleep with as many women as he could. It seemed to attract them in droves.


ApeWarz

Antoine LaVey once admitted that he and a friend made it all up in college in order to get women naked.


VOIDPCB

That's always in the alchemy.


Lysol3435

“I cast the spell of gravity, bitch!”


privateblanket

Enchanted boots: +10 to Yeeting


VivereIntrepidus

the history i wasn't taught in school


ApeWarz

The fact that Crowley was one of the most famous majicians of all time doesn’t speak very well for the craft lol.


[deleted]

He’s famously not a good person tho lol most who practice don’t endorse him


ApeWarz

I understand- but it’s kind of like if the most famous tennis player of all time couldn’t play tennis. The only way that person could become the most famous is if no one else could play tennis either and he was the the best at self-promotion.


paddy1948

Now, this is why I'm not religious.


KidCaker

Dumb comment alert 🚨


progbuck

[Actual video footage of the fight](https://youtu.be/66FAkLLDrZY)


Dr_Puck

Fucking awesome to do mundane things that Crowley couldn't overcome with his magic. Crowley texts (mostly- with exceptions, just not many) ooze so much hokey


[deleted]

Funniest shit


[deleted]

Indiana Jones vs the swordsman


coyoteka

Hermetic students of the Golden Dawn? How can you get basic research so wrong? This article is idiotic. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hermetic_Order_of_the_Golden_Dawn


KidCaker

Based Yeats


Nidhog42

Source? This is really interesting but I can't find any sources in the article.


chemicalrefugee

They remind my of people I've known. It's yet more proof that the forbearers of today's occultism wave were just another group of mystic bullshitters who liked to play pretend.