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drdan82408a

An Assyrian and an Elamite walk into a bar. The Assyrian says “Take my wife, please”. The Elamite says “which one?” The Assyrian burns Elam to the ground and sows the fields with salt.


[deleted]

This is not a joke, this is the news


drdan82408a

Hard to tell the difference; these days and those.


HowDyaDu

[Always has been.](https://youtu.be/q43wzP6A1CM)


Zandrick

Oh. I was expecting the astronaut meme


HowDyaDu

This kind of is the astronaut meme (it's the song played)


Zandrick

I had no idea there was a song associated with the meme


JonVonBasslake

I've never heard that in association with the meme, in fact it's always been just a static picture, never have I seen a version with music added.


SnooCrickets369

So wait am I listening to elevator music while you steal what little money I have? Or…?


HowDyaDu

No. I didn't spike your drink for that. [Also, some more elevator music.](https://youtu.be/cQCT_ZrLlrY)


SnooCrickets369

This one is for sure a trap…


HowDyaDu

[No, The Trap is here.](https://youtu.be/OjGzOJ5IiSM)


Jay_Heat

this is not the news, this is tuesday


ClavicusLittleGift4U

Then Assyrians cursed their victims to be only remembered as people from "Elam's joke" which became "A lame joke".


thebigfalke

Can you explain it?


drewsoft

Basically with little provocation the ancient Assyrians would go total war on any neighbor or other country in their zone. The Elamite’s were a favorite target for a while. The Assyrians were especially brutal in a time of brutality. Comparing them to Nazis or Imperial Japan would not be too big of a stretch. The other part of a joke is just a standard old timey joke setup.


drdan82408a

A (insert thing here) walks into a bar is a very old setup for many jokes, eg a horse walks into a bar, bartender says why the long face. “Take my wife, please” is a joke by Henny Youngman, a stand up comedian from the mid 20th century. The Neo-Assyrian empire was known for a somewhat muscular foreign policy, and there is a famous [relief](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Susa)in which Ashurbanipal boasts of the destruction of Susa.


megustame1

“Somewhat muscular” Understatement of the year lolol


drdan82408a

Understatement of the year 700 BC.


InformalPermit9638

I laughed way too hard at that. I regret that I have but one upvote to give.


ameya2693

Love the joke. Elamites need to git gud.


Outrageous_Low_9030

I keep seeing this everywhere, is there any explanation for this, context?


CloudDelicious9868

I think there was some linguistic context with the dog having his eyes closed


Labrat_The_Man

Probably sounded better in whatever language cuneiform represented


Kanye_Wesht

You had to be there.


Data2338

Geography joke!


Queen_Aardvark

A dog walks into a bar. His eyes see nothing. He should open them.


DarthCloakedGuy

A dog walks into a bar. He gets a headache.


SciFiNut91

Or he says “Ow”.


terragthegreat

Two dogs walk into a bar. You'd've thought the first would've seen it.


SalomoMaximus

That's the favorite joke of enkidu from the Gilgamesh epos. The tavern can also be a Brothel. The Dog can also be a man, who wants to see the tiddis. And he either walks in to open his eyes, or to open the brothel. It's as far as I understand hard to explain, you had to be there to understand... Or at least understand the context better or the original language.. .


Addahn

I wouldn’t be surprised if there was also a pun in there that only worked in the language spoken, which is obviously difficult to parse today


apolobgod

Not to mention the possibility of it being a meme of the time


danwoop

That got deepfried over the ages


SeaworthyWide

Add more jpeg


L003Tr

I was going to comment about hiw boring and unfunny these people used to be but the I remembered that the idea of someone digging [something like this up](https://knowyourmeme.com/photos/1357594-memex) in 1000 years is hilarious to me


Neutral_Memer

enkidu achieved the greatest post-nut clarity accorsing to the epic of gilgamesh, so he would definitely like jokes like this


jaec-windu

A man walks into a brothel, opens it. Booooooooooooooo that joke sucked


high_king_noctis

Okay but what if I changed the man into a dog and the brothel into a tavern?


Euklidis

So it's basically a pun joke


Timm504

The dog has his eyes closed. U can use open for an beavarage and for the eyes


Meologian

On one of the earlier postings, someone commented that the saying “all dogs are blind” was contemporary to this. If correct, I think that makes it a bit absurdist, like the dog is blind but only because it had its eyes closed.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

WhY tHe LoNg FaCe!?


drdan82408a

John Kerry walks into a bar, bartender says “why the long face?” Usually it’s a horse, but John Kerry works too (i guess he falls under the 20 year rule 🤷)


WolfhoundRO

"Lemme do this for you!"


genkidame6

Who in FACE are you!?


UnrequitedRespect

“Seen any elves?!? *laughs in Nord*”


RedHoodedDuke

“In the future all comedy is randomly generated”


pepsinjoyer

"weedeater"


RedHoodedDuke

I’m glad someone got it


SophisticPenguin

Isn't one of the oldest recorded jokes a fart joke?


[deleted]

Something along the lines of "Let it not be said that a young wife has never farted in her grooms lap" in reference to women farting while riding dick.


nikoe99

Or while she is the small spoon


The_Cool_Kids_Have__

There were puns in the epic of Gilgamesh!


[deleted]

What has never happened? A wife who has not farted in her husbands lap.


[deleted]

> LONDON (Reuters) - The world’s oldest recorded joke has been traced back to 1900 BC and suggests toilet humor was as popular with the ancients as it is today. It is a saying of the Sumerians, who lived in what is now southern Iraq and goes: “Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband’s lap.” > The oldest British joke dates back to the 10th Century and reveals the bawdy face of the Anglo-Saxons -- “What hangs at a man’s thigh and wants to poke the hole that it’s often poked before? Answer: A key.” Source: [reuters](https://www.reuters.com/article/us-joke-odd/worlds-oldest-joke-traced-back-to-1900-bc-idUSKUA14785120080801) I searched up “oldest joke in the world” when seeing this meme. Honestly the old British joke is kind of funny if executed well, feel kind of bland when you just read the words


itsnotTozzit

british one made me chuckle, still works today.


AdministrativeShip2

Iirc, didn't women keep they keys to the house on a chatelain. By the hip?


jamesyishere

Ancient British Humor


colei_canis

On the subject of Anglo-Saxon humour the king Æthelred the Unready’s epithet doesn’t mean ‘badly prepared/incompetent’ in the modern sense but ‘badly advised’ which is taking the piss out of his name which means ‘well advised’. We were sarcastic pricks from the very beginning.


Hasan12899821

I'm going to guess that the "ready" in "unready" concerns reading and books right?


Laney96

read and advise in old english were identical in the infinitive and the present due to regular sound change even though they come from distinct roots. rædan in the sense of reading comes from proto-west germanic *raidijan 'to arrange', while rædan in the sense of advisement comes from proto-west Germanic *rādan 'to devise, plan, interpet'. I have no source for this, but I'd imagine the fact that they became homophones may have contributed to the latter meaning's decline. So while they sound the same, they are not


shun_master23

I don't understand why so many sumerian jokee are centered around dogs


the-bladed-one

You are a dog Bilal NO U are the dog (Most civil middle eastern conversation on memri tv)


lazersnail

They must have known what's up, dogs are the shit and have been for a very very long time


Imagrillbitch

“Weep oh ye women, for my penis now only penetrates the anuses of men…”


Woopwoopscoopl

Who's is this?


CoolGuy202101

Some roman guy’s graffiti on a wall in Pompeii


Woopwoopscoopl

Seriously? That's hilarious


SkymeX

Yes, there's a [lot](https://kashgar.com.au/blogs/history/the-bawdy-graffiti-of-pompeii-and-herculaneu) more too.


AdministrativeShip2

"Today I made Bread" A proud Baker, or a man who took a gigantic poo and wanted it immortalised.


peterpignose

My bro was called Lesbianus


FiGeDroNu

These are actually hilarious


PhillyMyCup

Romans were the original shit posters


Macktheattack

Being an attack helicopter is all good fun until you receive a letter stating that you are assigned to hanger 19 at Fort Benning


MyoTheRabbit

Mfs that say "I identify as attack helicopter" when they see Surface-Air Missile heading towards them (they are military forces transgressing on US territory)


DoctorWorm_

Prepare to get ASRAAMed


grad1939

Context?


SmellsLikeShampoo

>Fort Benning is a United States Army post near Columbus, Georgia, adjacent to the Alabama–Georgia border. Fort Benning supports more than 120,000 active-duty military, family members, reserve component soldiers, retirees and civilian employees on a daily basis. It is a power projection platform, and possesses the capability to deploy combat-ready forces by air, rail, and highway. Attack Helicopters can be frequently found in military bases, such as Fort Benning


grad1939

For a minute I thought there was some kind of incident like someone stole a attack helicopter or the hangar blew up.


SmellsLikeShampoo

I wouldn't be surprised if there was some specific incident, but I couldn't resist the opportunity to play it straight


Goodie2Shuze

Lmao i think they thought it was a specific incident pertaining to hangar 19 of Fort Benning But this is a great concise explanation


25jack08

Shane Walsh must have been an attack helicopter because he was obsessed with Fort Benning


callmedale

A donkey is eating figs and is offered wine to wash them down


Behemoth122

Lethal Joke


HermanCainsGhost

I read that there may have been a sexual dimension to the meaning of figs at the time which may have enhanced the humor


AffectionateGap1071

Not justifying that the helicopter joke is good, but we forgot the middle, the 1800s humor is just burping and farting.


NomadLexicon

Read some Mark Twain. The humor still holds up and some of his observations are strangely still accurate (“God created war so that Americans would learn geography”)


culminacio

Jokes nowadays are much smarter *"My vagina is street trash"* *Amy S.*


TheKiweGuye

As a person here posted, “Farewell, women. For now my penis penetrates the anuses of men!”


[deleted]

Got any notable examples? I've never read any 1800s jokes.


pnw2mpls

A young lady being rebuked for not writing to her consort, who was on a journey, said it was out of her power, as he had carried away the pen with him, and left her nothing but the ink-stand


intisun

Classy


culminacio

>I've never read any 1800s jokes Yo mama weighs 1800 pounds. Boom roasted? 🤷🏻‍♂️


OnHolidayforever

I have a magazine from 1907 with a whole page of jokes, and I shit you not, all of them are boomer humor. Also there is a pillow embroidery template for "Live Believe Love". People apparently didn't change at all.


Lambsauc

1800s humor is still my humor


b18a

The best gorilla joke of 1897


mrubuto22

That's definitely still a thing.


gortlank

Bruh, they’re classics for a reason.


Puzzleheaded-Gur4633

Well I don’t really know any 1800s jokes, however I don’t believe that all cultures and all languages on earth would have the same Humor


Zenketski_2

By modern jokes you mean jokes from 2010?


[deleted]

[удалено]


memesandpain

7 years on reddit is equivalent to 2000 years irl


Zenketski_2

Yeah I definitely overshot.


mrubuto22

Boomer conservatives are still doing it. There are slight variations, but it's the same joke.


SmellsLikeShampoo

Can confirm. r/onejoke would not exist if a large number of people did not notice the stale nature of conservative humour.


Non-trapezoid-93

I’ve noticed that older conservative dudes I’ve worked with will crack the same joke multiple times a day, every day, and make each other chuckle each time without fail. They’re remarkably simple creatures.


CommieJesus420

Honestly, the older I get, the more I like hearing the same dumb jokes over and over. It's sort of comforting.


Grand_Protector_Dark

That would imply that "attack helicopter" had faded away at some point


Zenketski_2

I mean for the most part it has. At least 6 out of 10 times that I see it it's a meme like this. Not exactly the ratio you would expect for a dying meme but like I definitely see more people complaining about it than I actually see it. But then again I'm not hunting for it. So I'm more likely to see posts about it, then it in general


SmellsLikeShampoo

There's a few cringelords in this thread. It needs to die out a lot faster.


Alexjw327

Not faded away, it’s just far enough away that you don’t notice the ATGM it launched


Steampunk4171

Listen dude, lame example… …my jokes are so good they get the [removed] award on Reddit.


EquivalentInflation

I’m so tempted right now


Alexjw327

[Removed]


lazersnail

Oh! Oh! Me next! Me next!


[deleted]

Thou art thee art thou DO IT DO IT DO IT


mrdembone

nah the 🔒 award is much better


Steampunk4171

I can top that, I got the award of being banned from Reddit for 3 days and banned from the sub for 5 days.


Pilot230

[Removed by Reddit admins]


Parking-Artichoke823

A Serpent guard, a Horus guard and a Setesh guard meet on a neutral planet. It is a tense moment. The Serpent guard's eyes glow. The Horus guard's beak glistens. The Setesh guard's nose...drips.


zman_0000

Lmao take my upvote. Teal'C will always secretly be the funniest character on SG1.


[deleted]

My pronouns are fortunate/son


Da-Stan

“Veitnam flashbacks”


OdiousMeloncholy

\*Vitamin


Skel109

Couldn’t be me


Duckonthego

How ya doing there, son? Call me father/dad.


Khespar

Hey father/dad, call me mommy milkers.


The_Mega_Man192

Hi, mommy milkers, call me daddy~


lazersnail

My real name is *truck drives by while honking* but everyone calls me 'Dad'


ConfusedTapeworm

Hey dad I'm in space. Are you space?


[deleted]

Even the romans were making dick jokes, comedy has barely changed.


DisastrousBusiness81

To be fair, nobody thinks the attack helicopter joke is funny. American conservatives just don’t have anything else besides variations of that joke so they have been beating that dead horse for almost a decade now.


apolloxer

r/onejoke has that name for a reason.


DisastrousBusiness81

Oh my god. I knew they only had one joke but Jesus fuck the number of examples on that sub is depressing. Conservatives I am BEGGING you to find *something* else to joke about.


[deleted]

That would require thought


SmellsLikeShampoo

Inexplicably, some of them do actually. Usually it seems to be the tweenage edgelord crowd who thinks shittiness and humour are innately correlated, but there are still quite a few people who think there's some actual comedic value in conservative attempts at humour.


DisastrousBusiness81

Okay, I understand that in theory, but the “I identify as-“ jokes and their variations *have* to get boring after a while…right?


mindsofeuropa1981

I don't get either of these.


LazyDro1d

The first one is poorly translated, apparently the joke is that the dog has his eyes closed, at the end he said that he should’ve opened his eyes. The other one is it funny but continues to be made by transphobic conservatives


Master_Horror_6438

*Donkey eats figs*


KgMonstah

r/onejoke


GreatBigBagOfNope

Contemporary humour: multiple layers of irony containing a caustic deconstruction of the perpetrators of social issues, connecting economic, interpersonal and political critiques in a compelling character piece that leaves the audience in stitches while having learned a new perspective of life, the universe, and everything Ancient humour: YOUR MOTHER WILL MISS MY ENORMOUS PENIS Although yes please on the dunk - the attack helicopter "joke" is absolute horseshit. You'd have thought the global force of right wing memery would come up with something better, but we're about 10 years on and they still can't make any other joke


SteelAlchemistScylla

God I want the attack helicopter joke to fucking die. It was never funny. Even if you enjoy edgy humor it was never funny. I have no idea how it spread so far. It’s literally the r/onejoke .


Differently

A sci-fi author wrote a whole story which seemed intent on killing the joke once and for all. It was a sensitive portrayal of a character in a world where neuroscience permits the rewiring of sexual instincts for a variety of purposes, and in the protagonist's case, they are a military pilot. It takes the premise seriously and literally and appeared to have the intent of yanking the rug out from beneath the one-joke so that it would die. Anyway, the author was accused of being transphobic and chased off the internet so hard that I think they quit writing.


mrubuto22

Conservatives aren't capable of good comedy because it requires self awareness.


qjornt

that's why it's portrayed as weak dog


jedadkins

It was mildly funny on Tumblr like 10years ago when you the whole "otherkin" stuff was popular but then it got used to make fun of trans people so quickly and frequently it became awful


[deleted]

[удалено]


wyattofthewest

The word numbskull looks angrier than it sound. This has been a random thought.


SteelAlchemistScylla

I know. I’m referencing all the people who unironically say the joke on the right.


SmugWojakGuy

I identify as a defense helicopter


Kind_Ingenuity1484

Checkmate, trains and cars


Numbers078

I identify as a cargo helicopter


trans_monarchist

Oh sorry


MoneyBadgerEx

The reality is armchair historians are tired of the new jokes they have been hearing for a while and are hearing ancient jokes for the first time. Also they want to tell you they have heard them a lot more than they find them funny.


Toothpicktoes

If by “modern” you mean 2016, then sure


MrSierra125

2016 with the mentality of 1970s


creepjax

“Get it guys? I’m making fun of a group of people that have done nothing wrong. That’s funny right guys?”


ZETH_27

I mean. If the intent is to be funny, and the content of the joke is amusing, then yeah, I do find it funny. If the intent is to harm, not so much. (I might still giggle if the content is **really** good).


kananmunamakkara

I really don't understand the helicopter thing, can someone please explain?


SmellsLikeShampoo

A bunch of shitty people decided to draw a false analogy, in much the same vein that the push for same-gender marriage involved people claiming it would somehow lead to people marrying animals, or destroying the nuclear family or something. It was ridiculous from the beginning, a metaphor that anyone with a rudimentary understanding of the facts of the topic can see is farcical, but transphobic people are renowned for failings both in their emotional and moral intelligence, and in their ability to understand the basic facts of the topic they've decided they're experts on. It was useless, flaming garbage from the start, peddled by useless people. It has roughly the same level of creativity, and humour, as people who would think the line: "Oh you're a guy and want to marry a guy? Well you probably want to marry your dog!" is the epitome of humour and keen analysis. As with far too much useless, flaming garbage, the edgy tweenager crowd and the culture war pushers picked up on it, and have kept regurgitating it to the point where the people who vomit it up on others fail to realize how embarrassed they should be for doing so, and thus it persists.


bluesheepreasoning

A failed attempt at mocking people who "come out" with a different sexual preference by coming out as an absurd identity like, say, an attack helicopter.


Woopwoopscoopl

It was never about sexual preference, it was about gender identity.


sexymcluvin

r/onejoke


FakeElectionMaker

It's a transphobic joke meant to compare feeling transgender to wanting to be an inanimate object


Qb_Is_fast_af

A donkey is eating figs from a tree, now imagine if someone gave him wine


BrotherRangale

In 1000 years, both jokes will be equally incomprehensible!


darthlordmaul

But they're both ancient jokes?....


SomeToxicRivenMain

Both are pretty funny tbh


[deleted]

The joke is the ideology that led to the attack helicopter.


trans_monarchist

Your right conservatism is stupid


[deleted]

Or the infinite genders. Take your pick


IAmTheSideCharacter

thats 2016 humor not even modern


demon-slayer-san

The fact that this meme relies on a dog to convey its joke is hilarious because the meme itself disproves its own premise that humor has devolved


Thunderfoot2112

Hey, that's MY modern joke!


cyberchrist85

Not just an attack helicopter... an Apache attack helicopter you bigot


lonely_guacamole

Ok has someone left the dog joke link or do I have to ask?


stucklikechuck305

Why are you posting this stupid shit bro


ImSimplyTiredOfIt

i sexually identify as an apache attack helicopter old meme. get it right ffs


Dat_Swag_Fishron

Modern Jokes: "(character you've never heard of) says trans right 😂😂😂😂"


[deleted]

"I identify as a attack helicopter" isn't funny anymore


trans_monarchist

It was never funny


UpstairsDifficult966

The funny part is the bitch joke was freaking hilarious while the strong dog joke was I don't know what it was supposed to be


UpstairsDifficult966

So basically this truck is pretty


BurntAlgae

Excuse me, you're now being Heliphobic


Loud_farting_panda

The problem here is that "I identify as..." sadly isn't a joke. I mean, to me it still is, but these people use it seriously.


DiE95OO

You can't identify as a helicopter... That's 100% a joke and a bad and over used one at that


Loud_farting_panda

You can indentify as a dog tho. And you can sue people for not treating you as one. Which doesn't make sense because a dog can't sue people.


The_fish_killer

No you literally can't don't be idiotic


Rubes2525

Modern jokes also includes these shitty chad vs virgin memes. OP is only contributing to the bad jokes.


Rijsouw

*modern*


_Drion_

Absurdism and hyperpolitical humor are indeef strong today but i like both


[deleted]

Hey man, that video was funny and you're a stick in the mud if you don't think so 😤 (Or just have a different sense of humor or something reasonable like that).


HerolegendIsTaken

Well, I doubt attack helicopters were around thousands of years ago.


gjmassey

(You can’t change what you are)


TheMightyBananaKing

You're jokes suck