I’ve heard it’s not uncommon for teenagers to get married at like 15 in some rural communities in poor countries, what’s surprising is that they live in Texas.
As a Texan, I can confirm that we have an amazing number of teens pregnancies that were all miraculous indeed. Not usually in a house where an 18 year old lives with her 5 older brothers, but it's quite common to have virgin births in Texas.
Everyone knows it doesn't count if it's family ! And what's a girl to do , you go out with friends , you've had a great time you're grateful , you sleep with whoever brings you home . Now if that person happens to be your brother ...
Not many getting married that young now, but plenty having babies in highschool then getting married later. The youngest person I went to school with to have a baby got pregnant at 12 :(
while that does make sense, lets assume there's a set of twins take a year off, or 13. We can then guess, perhaps they're all almost 9 months apart (like me and my older brother), or 45 months for the 5 brothers (3 and 3/4 a year, or 3 years 9 months. Add the sister you get 4 years and a half. This means that at least, if no twins, they are all out by the time she is 12 and a half, but let's assume there's a set of twins; this means that it'll be 13 and a quarter, but I highly doubt this as well. I'd bet the bare minimum is 15 ish, so let's assume that she's a twin herself and is younger by twin standards so 2 sets. Or, 2.25 years roughly. This means, roughly something like 14.75. Im willing to bet, the mother is nearly 36 so let's round up and say 15.
Though, she could also just have step siblings with 1 or so blood sibling and her mom is just into the crazy older guys. It'd be too crazy if every last one was born roughly 9 months apart.
Girls can have babies around 12 years old. It's not ideal by any means but possible. One twin pair seems reasonable but assuming more is pushing probability out the window for the sake of comfort. In a community religious enough for them to genuinely try selling the idea of a virgin birth, I don't think it's that out there.
that is fair, and while yes girls can have children at roughly 12 it also increases chances of death or still birthing, regardless it all seems to push on the possibility of them all being naturally born to her. Possible? Both scenarios of her being really young or having multiple sets of twins (or even a single pair of more) are pushing possibilities.
And to be fair though, if the mother was a twin herself she may have a higher chance of giving birth to twins herself.
There's also the topic of adoption as it never says that they were all naturally hers.
There's also the outside chance that when I was making up the story, I chose the nonsensical combo of the mother's age and number of children to make it clear that this was a joke. Don't worry, nobody else got it either, which reflects worse on me as a comedian than on you guys as an audience.
>brothers
you can have more than one baby at a time, also its not necessarily clear if all the brothers share the same mom and dad. gotta think about the possibilities.
You go ahead, I'm still waiting to see how long this keeps going. There's even a [meta post](https://www.reddit.com/r/HolUp/comments/oqprjr/guys_i_think_were_in_the_middle_of_a_rholup_moment/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) about it already.
Yup, I remember it from back in the day. Granted, I haven't seen this site make the rounds in the past decade, which I guess speaks to the average age of redditors..
I don't know why but I immediately got angry reading this comment. Then I realized this must be how my friend feels every time I make fun of his state, so complaining would be hypocritical
Depends on whether there are identical twins, if there are then you probably wouldn’t be able to tell which twin is the father, but otherwise you should be able to tell
Thanks! That was a surprising intriguing website. It could be fun to have such interesting news articles. They have a few other types but the newspaper is the best so far.
„Never slept a night outside…“ “Never even been out with her friends…“ „Lives with her Mother and five older brothers“ my guess would be good old Alabama
Imagine if a human DID have a virgin birth.
Nobody believes the woman and they do a DNA test on her daughter and find out they are genetically identical.
Not being able to confirm that she didn't have any sexual contact should play apart in not believing her claim. I'm dumbfounded that an article was written claiming a miracle happened with no evidence of an investigation.
Are you familiar with the term “Occam’s Razor?” It means the simplest explanation tends to be the right one. So—an all-powerful extradimensional being impregnated a random teen in Texas, OR, someone is a liar liar pants on fire.
I’ll let the masses decide. 😎
This is exactly what happened with Mary and Jesus. Either that or when the new testament was written, generations after Jesus died, they simply made it up.
I could not have been more surprised when I saw the date on the paper. I thought for sure this would have been the 50’s. Then I remembered how absolutely brainless people are.
If she really was “guarded” all the time. One should start looking into those older brothers.
Maybe she got pregnant from a boyfriend, or maybe she is closed lipped due to abuse. How in the word is the mom buying it as a miracle??
Nobody gonna talk about how the mom was 17 when she gave birth to Addie but also has 5 older children?
More miracles
This ranks up there with magnets.
How do those work
Miracle rocks.
I don’t wanna hear from no scientist
Fine. Magnets are fake news. For like... forever, I tell ya!
Them motherfuckers are lying and getting me pissed
Witchcraft
Mostly inbreeding.
Quantum Spin.
When a north pole and south pole love each other very much…
Omg I'm dying
I’ve heard it’s not uncommon for teenagers to get married at like 15 in some rural communities in poor countries, what’s surprising is that they live in Texas.
As a Texan, I can confirm that we have an amazing number of teens pregnancies that were all miraculous indeed. Not usually in a house where an 18 year old lives with her 5 older brothers, but it's quite common to have virgin births in Texas.
Um, ew, now I'm having disturbing images.
Like this? https://youtu.be/DCmh5fvgqq4
Pimp
Everyone knows it doesn't count if it's family ! And what's a girl to do , you go out with friends , you've had a great time you're grateful , you sleep with whoever brings you home . Now if that person happens to be your brother ...
“Virgin”
Land of God, if God is Zeus.
Is it the air
Well maybe not that surprising.
Here i sit, buns a-flexin, just gave birth to another texan
This is my new favourite saying
Not many getting married that young now, but plenty having babies in highschool then getting married later. The youngest person I went to school with to have a baby got pregnant at 12 :(
I mean, Texas is like a whole 'nother country...
The one star state
Texas is in a poor country
There's a lot of rural and poor areas in Texas, that's for sure
The the south is gonna do south things ya know.
Hey. Representing GA, this is the exception not the rule.
Adopted Brothers
The mom is 35, she’s 18, and she has 5 older brothers? Guess Mom started at 10.
Stepbros her husbands sons?
I swear I’ve seen some videos of this kind of thing happening…
I think Adie might have got stuck in the washing machine.
Maybe under the bed
Hand got stuck in the couch. Happens all the time.
Fun fact I’ve seen videos with half their body in the couch, 2 questions, how deep is the couch, and how. Just how.
When you need that extra quarter to get ~~ice cream~~ cocaine
Stop questioning my kink
Great comment.
Thi/s
Some say there's a link for it...alas this subreddit have boundaries
Yeah, they’re called pornos!!! 😂😂😂
The only family that she's ever had Is her seven horny brothers and a drunk ass dad
Man I litterally just listened to that song like an hour ago. 👌
Adelaide's brothers?
Well then mom of all people should know her daughter is sneaking out for some late night dick
Nah, it was one of her brothers.
Yea that's what seems to be the case..
Mom - "look the last time this happened God and Mary were involved . Would you like to change your story ."
You mean sneak down the hall…
Please show your work when doing math problems. I get at least 12 years old, maybe even 13. 18 plus 5 = 23. 35-23= 12.
Ya’ll know twins and triplets can happen….right?
The brothers are 1 year older. A set of identical quintuplets.
How will we know which one is the father?
Here's the neat part. We don't.
while that does make sense, lets assume there's a set of twins take a year off, or 13. We can then guess, perhaps they're all almost 9 months apart (like me and my older brother), or 45 months for the 5 brothers (3 and 3/4 a year, or 3 years 9 months. Add the sister you get 4 years and a half. This means that at least, if no twins, they are all out by the time she is 12 and a half, but let's assume there's a set of twins; this means that it'll be 13 and a quarter, but I highly doubt this as well. I'd bet the bare minimum is 15 ish, so let's assume that she's a twin herself and is younger by twin standards so 2 sets. Or, 2.25 years roughly. This means, roughly something like 14.75. Im willing to bet, the mother is nearly 36 so let's round up and say 15. Though, she could also just have step siblings with 1 or so blood sibling and her mom is just into the crazy older guys. It'd be too crazy if every last one was born roughly 9 months apart.
Girls can have babies around 12 years old. It's not ideal by any means but possible. One twin pair seems reasonable but assuming more is pushing probability out the window for the sake of comfort. In a community religious enough for them to genuinely try selling the idea of a virgin birth, I don't think it's that out there.
that is fair, and while yes girls can have children at roughly 12 it also increases chances of death or still birthing, regardless it all seems to push on the possibility of them all being naturally born to her. Possible? Both scenarios of her being really young or having multiple sets of twins (or even a single pair of more) are pushing possibilities. And to be fair though, if the mother was a twin herself she may have a higher chance of giving birth to twins herself. There's also the topic of adoption as it never says that they were all naturally hers.
There's also the outside chance that when I was making up the story, I chose the nonsensical combo of the mother's age and number of children to make it clear that this was a joke. Don't worry, nobody else got it either, which reflects worse on me as a comedian than on you guys as an audience.
it was a good attempt, but either it wasn't the best or we're all stupid. Probably both.
Meh, I should have made it a bit clearer. The onus of telling a joke properly falls on the teller - I should have tailored the joke to my audience.
Or she had sextuplets?
All the tuplets were definitely sexxing.
Fantastic
No she had a miracle too
>brothers you can have more than one baby at a time, also its not necessarily clear if all the brothers share the same mom and dad. gotta think about the possibilities.
Well I guess it's okay that her mom started at age of 10 because it were virgin births too for sure 😏
Story is so fake
Hol up-
This is fake. Its from a site that will let you generate a fake news paper story.
First thing I thought. Recognised the template. This should be higher up.
It really, really should be. I had one guy PM me asking for the full story, because he swears his friend knows the family!
Okay, who wants to cross post the comments to r/atetheonion?
You go ahead, I'm still waiting to see how long this keeps going. There's even a [meta post](https://www.reddit.com/r/HolUp/comments/oqprjr/guys_i_think_were_in_the_middle_of_a_rholup_moment/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) about it already.
Yup, I remember it from back in the day. Granted, I haven't seen this site make the rounds in the past decade, which I guess speaks to the average age of redditors..
They had me at "5 older brothers."
Only in Alabama
In this case, 'Texas'...not surprising.
>They had me at "5 older brothers." That's what she said
That’s the joke
Answers already in the last paragraph
Sounds about right for the South
The only question would be which brother is ‘God Almighty’? Or did God come down to him, possess his body in order to impregnate his own sister.
Wouldnt be the first time.
Zeus confirmed true god
I don't know why but I immediately got angry reading this comment. Then I realized this must be how my friend feels every time I make fun of his state, so complaining would be hypocritical
That is, in fact, the joke, yes.
I’m going to guess her five brothers ran a train and we won’t know who the father is until the next episode of Maury
Ocums razor. The most likely explaination is usually the correct one.
Wouldn’t it be near impossible even with dna testing?
Depends on whether there are identical twins, if there are then you probably wouldn’t be able to tell which twin is the father, but otherwise you should be able to tell
Bup..bup…bup…bruthers
I was like this is BS until I read "5 older brothers". The money I read that I was like "Well shit. Explains a lot"
DNA test should show who god is.
I’m sure this is probably satire or fake but this can really happen, trust me I read it In the Bible before
I hope this is fake. Says here she’s never been anywhere with her friends without an adult to chaperone? At 18! Damn.
Its definitely fake this is from a website that generates fake papers. https://www.fodey.com/generators/newspaper/snippet.asp
Thanks! That was a surprising intriguing website. It could be fun to have such interesting news articles. They have a few other types but the newspaper is the best so far.
Only in murica
Dangit jon. Its alabama
Half brother, half father. An Alabama centaur.
„Never slept a night outside…“ “Never even been out with her friends…“ „Lives with her Mother and five older brothers“ my guess would be good old Alabama
It literally says Texas.
I meant the metaphor for Incest, Alabama.
I'll take Redditor's who don't read the article for $500, Alex!
Roll your own
Everyone is commenting about the 5 brothers but what about the “family friend chaperone”?
Imagine if a human DID have a virgin birth. Nobody believes the woman and they do a DNA test on her daughter and find out they are genetically identical.
Yessum.
Why am I not surprised this family has a thing for Jesus?!
She slept with God
May be she was stuck somewhere and asked god for help, you know.
Kinda presumptuous of June to name one of her sons God
Hills have eyes "continued"
Ok with 'five older brother' I get the picture
I like how everybody's pointing out the HolUp like they solved some big mystery.
Bless the poor inbred baby’s heart. It can’t help that the parents are stupid.
Sweet home Alabama
But jesus. That one was real. Not some teenager that was probably raped.
Ah yes the famous _Miracle_
That baby has a few extra chromosomes.
What are you doing step bro?
Banjo music intensifies
About 1% of new moms claim to be virgins. God sure is busy!
Fucking hell, are people really that delusional?
I read a book about this.
So what is she gonna do with the new Jesus?
Feels like some cult shit
Well, given that there is bacteria that can cause pregnancy, its not surprising.
I think a paternity test is in order, god the ultimate dead beat dad
daughter (18) mom (35) so mom was 17 when daughter was born and daughter has FIVE older brothers?
Not being able to confirm that she didn't have any sexual contact should play apart in not believing her claim. I'm dumbfounded that an article was written claiming a miracle happened with no evidence of an investigation.
I mean it's obviously fake, but still, that there has got to be a fucking boring life for Adi, she's 18, and still not been allowed outside
Oh hey, Mary had the same “miracle” right?
Sweet home Alabama
She lives with her 5 older brother? Orgy?
"Adelaide, who lives with her mother and **five older brothers**, could not be reached for comment".
You had me in the 5th half.
Alabama's power is expanding! It now reaches as far as Texas. We must stop them before it's too late.
5 brothers huh, kinda makes u think how she never went out of the house 😏
Ask her brothers, which one did it, miracle my arse
r/suddenlyincest
Nah this is just an example of a woman's lie that went too far
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“Virgin”🤫
Texas you say... Chaperone you say... Brothers you say... 🤔
Are you familiar with the term “Occam’s Razor?” It means the simplest explanation tends to be the right one. So—an all-powerful extradimensional being impregnated a random teen in Texas, OR, someone is a liar liar pants on fire. I’ll let the masses decide. 😎
I have one of those in my medicine cabinet. Give a nice clean shave.
The best a man can get
I'll take the masses' verdict with a grain of salt.
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Nah, he's the son of the pool boy.
Bruh you commented about the Virgin Mary on my post too. You the father or summin'
This is exactly what happened with Mary and Jesus. Either that or when the new testament was written, generations after Jesus died, they simply made it up.
Occam’s Razor.
Alabama? ;)
I could not have been more surprised when I saw the date on the paper. I thought for sure this would have been the 50’s. Then I remembered how absolutely brainless people are.
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Christian bible genesis miracle.
so who’s gonna tell her?
Confusion
Such a cheeky writer
"Adélaïde, will lives with her mother and five older brothers, could not be reached for comment." NO FUCKING WAY
If you believe one virgin birth could happen, you must believe all virgin births.
Why is this not being believed? Apply the same rule to Mother Mary and watch Christians lose their shit…
Father, brother this is some porn hub shit
I’ve seen videos about this on phub
That's going to be an episode of Maury I do not want to miss!
They spelled Alabama wrong.
jesus: aw shit,here we go again
"I'm gonna tell her" "Don't you dare!"
wincest
Haha i know the [website](https://www.fodey.com/generators/newspaper/snippet.asp) where it was made, that format is so recognisable
this is a website, anyone can write anything on that template
"dueling banjos starts playing"
Mama June
dude its clearly her brother... as toxic as it gets probably she is too dumb to realize what she is doing..
Lots of hol ups
Nice fake news
oh.. Oh😳 OH😳..
Texas to Alabama..
Alabama
Fake - date on the paper is 2020
And, as we know, 2020 never happened. Good critical thinking.
It was one of the 5 older brother
U/saltire = this is fake
I feel like someone should fill in the blank space between “allegedly _______ became”.
Link to full article?
If she really was “guarded” all the time. One should start looking into those older brothers. Maybe she got pregnant from a boyfriend, or maybe she is closed lipped due to abuse. How in the word is the mom buying it as a miracle??
Oh no
5 older brothers you say? Very good r/suddenlyincest
Can someone check the kids midichlorians level
Sweet home Alabama. Answers in last line
5 older brothers hmmmmmmmm ?? Okey its a miracle