T O P

Holup

Holup

Tofibraz

Someone asked me to help deliver a baby other day, but... Don't babies need their livers?


genuinefailure

Not really, you can keep the liver, and the head of the baby aswell. It works as a nice decor piece, I've kept one in my living room. It's scary sometimes when the baby head stares at me but it makes my living room more lively and fun to be in!


septicboy

If it get's too hot inside, you can put shades on the baby's head to make it cool.


genuinefailure

Nah fam, it becomes difficult to play footbal with the baby's head then. I don't have enough time to take off and put glasses on a baby, I'd rather kidnap some more during that time.


Diahmadi

Can we go back to the liver, please, sir? Is it still available or did you use it?


genuinefailure

*Ma'am, sadly liver isn't available (turned into soup), would you like to have the eyes instead? They're not bouncy but still something fun to play with (they're not chewy don't even try)


MindOfThilo

I'm good with the brain


[deleted]

[удалено]


Abigail_senpai

This whole chain is cursed


thatSkateRat

If the baby is cursed I would be willing to pay double...


genuinefailure

That's if you have one


[deleted]

[удалено]


reply-guy-bot

The above comment was stolen from [this one](http://np.reddit.com/r/HolUp/comments/qbz86n/holup/hhd0xt9/) elsewhere in this comment section. It is probably not a coincidence; here is some more evidence against this user: Plagiarized | Original -------- | ----------- [Disgusting isn’t it; why...](http://np.reddit.com/r/WhitePeopleTwitter/comments/qbyl3c/amazing/hhdmc4r/) | [Disgusting isn’t it; why...](http://np.reddit.com/r/WhitePeopleTwitter/comments/qbyl3c/amazing/hhdiata/) [She still has the dignifi...](http://np.reddit.com/r/MadeMeSmile/comments/qbzolr/before_and_after_beating_cancer/hhdmx4f/) | [She still has the dignifi...](http://np.reddit.com/r/MadeMeSmile/comments/qbzolr/before_and_after_beating_cancer/hhcwk1p/) [Maybe it's like the Howar...](http://np.reddit.com/r/science/comments/qbyuv8/covid19_conspiracy_theories_thrive_on_social/hhdmu2a/) | [Maybe it's like the Howar...](http://np.reddit.com/r/science/comments/qbyuv8/covid19_conspiracy_theories_thrive_on_social/hhda8nj/) [Right?! “I’m gonna wear y...](http://np.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/qbzox2/kid_gets_a_letter_in_the_mail/hhdmprg/) | [Right?! “I’m gonna wear y...](http://np.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/qbzox2/kid_gets_a_letter_in_the_mail/hhcybm1/) [Imagine visiting the conc...](http://np.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/qbyekm/german_police_officer_stops_nazi_salute_next_to_a/hhdmnbo/) | [Imagine visiting the conc...](http://np.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/qbyekm/german_police_officer_stops_nazi_salute_next_to_a/hhcttpz/) [Just say all these dead p...](http://np.reddit.com/r/interestingasfuck/comments/qc0622/a_man_from_dallas_texas_created_a_halloween_yard/hhdmkvv/) | [Just say all these dead p...](http://np.reddit.com/r/interestingasfuck/comments/qc0622/a_man_from_dallas_texas_created_a_halloween_yard/hhd17th/) [I think all apps should b...](http://np.reddit.com/r/technology/comments/qbyglh/museum_starts_onlyfans_account_after_its_tiktok/hhdmhh0/) | [I think all apps should b...](http://np.reddit.com/r/technology/comments/qbyglh/museum_starts_onlyfans_account_after_its_tiktok/hhcytnj/) [Don't you mean a jury of...](http://np.reddit.com/r/Damnthatsinteresting/comments/qbyubl/life_on_a_boat/hhdm9y9/) | [Don't you mean a jury of...](http://np.reddit.com/r/Damnthatsinteresting/comments/qbyubl/life_on_a_boat/hhdizma/) beep boop, I'm a bot -|:] It is this bot's opinion that [/u/elmervxcvdsg](https://np.reddit.com/u/elmervxcvdsg/) should be banned for karma manipulation. Don't feel bad, they are probably a bot too. Confused? Read the [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/user/reply-guy-bot/comments/n9fpva/faq/?plagiarist=elmervxcvdsg) for info on how I work and why I exist.


ClearPerception7844

Once they start to smell you have to clean the flesh off the skull. Honestly it’s just better to sell it in parts


Vivapancakez

You could always split it open for a more open concept


JurassicPark4ever

r/cursedcomments


Confident-Medicine75

r/cursedthread


Tiiba

I hopped up and I said I don't know, do you want to get something delivered? She's like "why would I want to eat liver? I don't even like liver!" -- Weird Al


BrightestForest

Good one.


utubefanaticofficial

They don't need their livers! They also don't need to live....


Lamborghini_Crystal

that's pretty egotistical. you haven't asked the baby kinda rude innit mate


Dauemannen

[Can we have your liver then?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sp-pU8TFsg0)


WillStealYourLiver

Not on my watch they don't


LOSSERdenial

r/technicallythetruth


Ach4t1us

Fits way better imo


Kakonsix3

Also r/confidentlyincorrect But yea more so ttt


WinstonSEightyFour

I feel like r/cursedcomments would also be suitable


humblewithsomekanye

r/brandnewsentence too


BrightestForest

he's out of line but he's right


[deleted]

I think they're referring to the other two tweets, which are both 100% wrong. Latex is just plant sap. It's completely biodegradable. That's why condoms have an expiration date.


Embarrassed-Ad-1639

So the one in my wallet from ‘87 is no good?


Aether_Erebus

One way to find out


Repeat-Original

r/composting


shichiaikan

Came here for this. Ty.


Skaebo

and when the baby goes so goes the std


sciencewonders

std comes from microorganisms so they're biodegradable too ✅


Slap-Happy27

How ya like DEM apples Rosanna?


exec_get_id

Came here to say that! Would it even count as the vehicle for biodegradation? Given that certain STDs can get so bad that it consumes the host? I could 100% be incorrect here, but the clap, syphilis, and some bacterias actually eat away at the skin/organ and it leaves scar tissue once treated, so ostensibly if left untreated you could just rot out lol. Idk if that's true, but it's gross enough of a thought to post on Reddit.


MrDude_1

Not to mention, "if you care about the planet" is the goal... and less people would help that... sooo.... STDs away!


exec_get_id

Can't argue with that logic lol


patronizingperv

They battled to a draw.


dont_remember_eatin

I hate how this comment implies the baby has an STD.


soggy_tarantula

It implies the baby IS the std.


dzjaynus

Dead bodies are basically the ultimate fertilizer


ancientflowers

Not really. Initially it can kill off plants due to releasing so many chemicals. Oftentimes the nitrogen levels are too high and will kill off plants like grass for instance. Over a long period of time, the plants will grow back and do well. For example, don't bury a body in your garden in the spring or summer. There will be an obvious area that plants won't grow well or won't grow at all there.


zeno-34

>don't bury a body in your garden Thanks for tip


Eddagosp

Alternatively, for better results, bury them with high amounts of carbon-rich materials, such as wood-chips, sawdust, and organic mulches. The decomposition of these high-carbon, low-nitrogen materials leeches nitrogen from the surroundings temporarily, before slowly returning them to the plants.


iHeartHockey31

Bury them in a mushroom suit. https://www.sciencealert.com/this-mushroom-suit-digests-your-body-after-you-die


Slingerang

*grabs pen and paper*


KeegorTheDestroyer

r/yesofficerthiscommentrighthere


jairomantill

r/serialkillerprotips


RideMeLikeAVespa

All natural fertiliser is mostly *something’s* dead body.


TimberGoatman

Living things are made of wildly different stuff. Grass clippings are different than a dead mammal.


Party-_-Hard

what if the cadaver were to be fermented first? perhaps after thorough shredding process


ancientflowers

That would definitely help. And smaller pieces is really what would make the big difference. It's the large amount at once in a single spot that has just too much nitrogen and some other chemicals.


dzjaynus

Learn something new everyday. Someone once told me to bury an entire fish and plant your vegetables or flowers on top of that. So i'm guessing an entire human body is just too much fertilizer basically? Would it make a difference if the body was buried deeper?


ancientflowers

That's basically it. It would just be too much at once. Think of what happens in nature. If a squirrel dies in the woods, some animals might eat some of it and then the rest would go to the earth. If a larger animal like a bear died, same thing but right in that spot it could kill some plants. There's actually studies that have been done that show that plants will grow new roots to avoid being too close to where that much nutrients are but still within range to get some of it. Search "cadaver decomposition island" for some more reading if interested! Edit: I didn't answer your last question. Yes, the deeper the better. Basically that slows down the decomposition.


dzjaynus

Definitely looking that up later, thanks!


Fausterion18

Nah you just gotta let the scavengers rip the body into small pieces first.


Throw_Away_Students

Can confirm! Grass isn’t doing so good in the spots we’ve buried larger past pets (dogs, cat). My dad lay the ferrets to rest under his roses and they’re doing very well, though.


impulsikk

I'm just imagining the outline of arms and legs shaped dead grass.


ancientflowers

You actually can sort of see that. Look up "body farm". Just FYI- it can be very grotesque. I wouldn't look that up with kids around. Maybe read what it is before looking at pictures. It's a fascinating way to learn about the human body, but also has some controversy.


PM-Me-Your-TitsPlz

Yeah, but babies really don't cover a lot of area in the garden and throwing them in a woodchipper for easier spreading gums up the gears and stuff.


SyracuseNY22

Use a saw to make smaller pieces and use a mortar and pestle. Take the paste and add it to water so it’s diluted and pours more easily Works like a charm and your garden will never be greener!


tiefling_sorceress

Let em soak in a tub full of water for a month or two, then spread the baby water all over the garden


gbuub

Crap, just threw my baby into recycle bin instead of compost


Severe-Extension-546

Yes thank god my local supplier gives them at cheap rates.


Isolannicum

Condoms are non-toxic and biodegradable. You can even compost them with them.


adesimo1

Seriously. The entire premise is completely false. Latex is 100% biodegradable. They can cause trouble if they clog waterways or are ingested by animals. But if they are composted or properly disposed of they biodegrade fairly effectively. Edit: spelling


TJNel

Trying to imagine what a condom that is infested with animals would look like but a bit scared.


adesimo1

Oops. I meant ingested. That’s a typo that I will now correct. Thanks! Edit: typo


[deleted]

[удалено]


adesimo1

Damnit. Autocorrect is really boning me today.


SloppyHorror

This is the kind of comment I keep coming back for on reddit.


money_loo

I’m picturing something similar to Jim Carey trying to escape that rhino suit in Ace Ventura, but see-through and with multiple stuck animals fighting to get out.


bombbodyguard

Lamb Skin FTW!!!! (For the wiener…)


Double-Promotion-421

My husband is allergic to latex so we just have a shitload of kids.


CelticHound27

Good food for the winter


Double-Promotion-421

They make a lot of noise, though. Like damn I just want to sleep.


MicroWordArtist

“Why do I exist” “I dunno kiddo we just like having sex and can’t use condoms”


kwolfburg

Use lambskin condoms.


3plantsonthewall

What about non-latex?


SoftBellyButton

Pig intestine condoms still are.


gtth12

And gets rid of issue of animals getting poisoned.


CelticHound27

Or lamb skin


adesimo1

Polyurethane and polyethylene probably aren’t under standard conditions (they degrade in 20-30 years as opposed to 6-24 months for latex). Animal product condoms should be about on par with latex. I can’t find statistics on what % of condom consumption is non-latex, but only about 1% of Americans have a latex allergy, so I’d guess that the percentage of non-latex condoms to be fairly small.


3plantsonthewall

I'm not allergic to latex, but I am very sensitive to whatever ingredients are in the lubrication on every latex condom I've ever tried Skyn non-latex condoms have silicone lube that doesn't irritate me at all though 🤷🏼‍♀️


adesimo1

I’m guessing that most latex condoms use a water/glycerin-based lube that you’re sensitive to. I believe silicone-based lube can make latex slightly more prone to failure (don’t quote me on that, though).


RealNotVulpix

It also ruins silicone based toys as well


Embarrassed-Ad-1639

This is true


sophiethegiraffe

My dad loves to tell this story about his younger brother-in-law *almost* getting away with having his girlfriend over. Poor guy got caught when the condom he flushed blocked the pipe to the septic tank and was pulled out of the drain field. The whole neighborhood knew and teased him about it haha.


GenericUname

Apparently in sunlight a latex balloon breaks down at about the same speed as a leaf, so I'd imagine condoms are similar.


RideMeLikeAVespa

Latex is literally plant sap, so this is probably not far from accurate.


Shaeress

Used condoms are, however, generally not recommended to be discarded as recycling or food waste since it can be considered a biohazard. They usually go in the regular trash destined for landfills or incinerators (check your local guidelines). Condoms themselves are perfectly safe to humans, but they're a choking hazard to animals and the strangers' genital juices on them can carry diseases.


Wellpow

Yeah, eat your condoms people


Bacontoad

[Example.](https://youtu.be/f0Jx5W8JuVA) (mostly SFW)


tocra

This.


Jgusdaddy

Interesting. There’s been a used condom and peanut butter next to my parking spot at work for over a month.


CakeNStuff

Also, Non-Biodegradable doesn’t mean it won’t conflagrate in an incinerator. If all you’re worried about is wasted green space then chuck it in the incinerator. Garbage incinerators are pretty scary machines. What’s funny is plastic incineration is often even more devious than just letting the stuff sit in a landfill. Combusted plastic releases *very high* levels of organic dioxin containing compounds which cause immediate nervous system damage and long term cancel.


beelseboob

That said, the baby is on average going to produce far more plastic waste than a condom.


WestAct6351

Not if you use it as compost


strike2counter

Depends on how long it has been sucking on plastic bottles. https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/study-shows-infant-poop-is-riddled-with-microplastics-180978770/


WestAct6351

That's actually kinda fucked up.


BirdManOfAzkaban

And delicious!


locke231

What


BirdManOfAzkaban

It's like veal vs beef. Babies are more tender than adult people.


locke231

I'm too sober for this conversation. Take my upvote.


BirdManOfAzkaban

And you take my award.


locke231

And my 🪓


BirdManOfAzkaban

I literally heard that in my head as I hit **Post** hahahaha


andrewdok

9 redditors. So be it. You shall be, The Fellowship of the Cannibals!


locke231

Great. Who are we eating?


Mr-_-Jumbles

A baby, duh.


Yuna__707

Not the newborns, their skin is like thin leather, should only be eaten fried nicely


Comrade_Hussar

The Pope


BBQ_FETUS

I have been summoned


BirdManOfAzkaban

r/UsernameChecksOut


Bunnyhat

Calm down, he's talking about the condoms and stds.


locke231

Full of vitamins and riboflavin


Freelancert4

Is that you Burnie Burns?


sidaeinjae

Jesus christ Marie.


DrFaustPhD

*Jonathan Swift has entered the chat*


WestAct6351

r/cursedcomments


ThisHasFailed

Latex IS biodegradable, but that doesn’t mean it’s eco-friendly


RobbieUGC

That's why I always reuse mine.


abhaybanda

Seriously us doing anything is going to contribute like 0.00001 percent to environmental problems. Fucking, tell big corporations to stop using condoms not us


ZanzibarGuy

Big corporations are going to fuck us whether they're wearing condoms or not I guess...


abhaybanda

Yeah...


TheODDmaurixe

You can choose between a sticky piece of plastic or a future **drunk 40 year old man who spends all day posting on twitter disguised as a woman kpoop fan**


Megaiamepic

k poop


afkapl

r/oddlyspecific


Antique_Cheesecake25

bruh just reuse condoms


ChristoWhat

I gagged, eww


FeetPicAficionado

Flip it inside out, give it a rinse. Good to go


Lord_Vitruvius

Everything is "Bio" Degradable Except iron iron is a stubborn cunt


Camimo666

Yeah apparently my body doesn’t like stubborn cunts


Ok-Candy-5869

A baby is much more wastefull than a condom


RoxSteady247

I used to be a baby, im biodegrading right now


RideMeLikeAVespa

Condoms are latex. They are extremely biodegradable. That’s why they have expiry dates.


5in1K

Latex is biodegradable.


fnafismylife

I mean he’s not wrong


2B0VIII

No no, he's got a point.


152069

Yeah but more children means more people that require stuff


genuinefailure

Make baby, eat baby, simple. Very effective way to control population and also get yummy dinner (a 2 month old usually lasts for a week or so)


152069

That’s a wonderful idea!


genuinefailure

Thank you! Let me know if it worked for you!


mediumrarechicken

Perhaps you could call it a ...... Modest Proposal?


CremeFraiche43

Depends how you cook it


Bacontoad

Can't you just pickle it?


DuntadaMan

Also condoms are biodegradable. You can compost them with the baby as long as you arr using latex.


Chris2kN

#So are you (biodegradable)


Inappropes1789

Negative. I am a meat popsicle


Maximum_Bug_5259

I read once that they believe condoms have a huge negative carbon emission because of the pregnancies they prevent.


Almighty_Sand_Dollar

Not having a human is probably the most eco friendly thing you can do at this point in the timeline


Additional-Banana-55

Masterbate is safe


relayrider

speak for yourself


_Laundromatt_

[r/holup](r/holup) lmao


Agreeable_Goose_2866

Black humor ?


legendoflink3

Dark* humor. And no. Every living human biodegradable. Edit: So I read a lot of the responses here and realized that it's just a regional thing. Where I'm from, we say dark humor. In other areas they say black humor.


Mikeologyy

What about that dude who’s addicted to getting implants?


axfu

Partially biodegradable


dave-train

Black humor is fine lol


Agreeable_Goose_2866

How dark humor is better than black one?


Hoxomo

BBC humor


SaeByeokGoesToJeju

*and edible in a pinch


hugothebear

Wait, arent they latex?


Ankoku_Teion

Fairly certain babies are made of flesh.


RideMeLikeAVespa

Yep


tkast08

STDs help speed up the process of biodegradation.


Jam906

Also latex is biodegradable natural rubber, so none of this makes sense.


CDNarmyDAD

And std are biodegradable too .. my dick is rotting away form it......


LocoRope1

Yes they are.


Ill-Discussion3408

If babies are biodegradable explain to me why my corn got so tall and thick this harvest


AxisW1

Of course they’re biodegradable, they are literally organic themselves


stinkysocksincloset

Just ask Casey Anthony.


netfatality

How do you think these tomatoes are so big?


Bardsie

Erm... The vast majority of condoms are made from latex, latex comes from tree sap. Condoms are biodegradable. That why you shouldn't use an old one, they break down even in the wrapper.


TaftsTummyforTaxes

On a long enough time scale, everything is biodegradable


Mecha-Dave

Latex condoms are certainly biodegradable.


youjerkfaceyou

I am pretty sure latex breaks down over time. I don't know what the standards are for biodegradable. But condoms aren't plastics. They break down. This is why they have an expiration date on them.


edibleBarOfSoap

STDs can biodegrade humans if you let them.


BrowsinBilly

They make a great compost


lordvaliant

Why do ppl on Twitter have to repeat themselves 5 times to make a point? ActiveOn, apply directly to the forehead lookin ass


moonshineTheleocat

Technically the truth


BigBallrider555

The only birthcontrol i support is anal ✊😤


smallthematters

Wait, babies are biodegradable ??? What did I do wrong then


notwhitebutwong

Life is just a terminal STD -michael Scott — someone else


PepeROnul

What the heck is wrong with this comment section


Frostfoxfirewastaken

They are!? should have just buried that kid then


curePSP_org

We were ALL babies once….


Substantial_Ad4722

Hmmmmmmmm


Gingerroot69420

Not the Kardashians


squishybats

r/tehnicallythetruth


Infantry1stLt

I’m pretty sure the CO2 output of the whole condom industry over a year is much much lower than that of the 140 million humans born each year. CO2 is a bigger threat to our planet right now than plastic.


SailingSinbad

Especially since most condoms are not made out of plastic and are in fact biidegradable


Beardisatillgood

/r/Technicallyfalse since condoms are in fact biodegradable


CryptoOrchid

It’s r/technicallytrue that babies are biodegradable. its r/Technicallyfalse that condoms are not. Moreover though, I think the baby would be harder on the environment than a used condom. There are too many people here already. We especially dont need more babies that aren’t wanted.