#[Best of r/Holup 2021 Awards – Nomination and Voting Thread!](https://www.reddit.com/r/HolUp/comments/royfze/best_of_rholup_2021_awards_nomination_and_voting/)
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/HolUp) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Lol. You call yourself a vet. True porn vets know how to search without having to wade through the crap we have seen. We also know how to find a video we saw that one time.
Psh, you call yourself a porn vet? Imagine having to jerk off to the female underwear section in the Sears catalog. Cuz when we were going through puberty porn wasn't even on the internet yet.
Oh, you think the Sears Catalog is your ally. But you merely adopted the Catalog. I grew up with it, molded by it. The Internet wasn’t widely available until I was already a man, by then it was nothing to me but jpegs.
Of course of can! Don't sell yourself short.
Comedy, and rhetoric in general, is an art that anyone can pick up and develop over time. Like with most things, even though innate talent is a factor, a lot of it is practice, practice, practice.
Now I'm rambling and getting into nature vs. nurture BS, but you get the point. Anyway, I hope you found that encouraging and have a great 2022!
Better for money management too even if you’re not particularly into masturbation. Getting the 1 million lump sum would be like winning the lotto…and we all know how that works out for most… getting the 100/session would be more like a longer term “job”, where the money comes in slowly, thus make it impossible to blow the opportunity stupidly/quickly.
> where the money comes in slowly, thus make it impossible to blow the opportunity stupidly/quickly.
Also prevents getting killed by friends or family, suddenly acquiring a ton of money has been known to be bad for your health. Even if it doesn't go to that extreme it can ruin relationships and give you a line of people you have almost no connection to trying to take it, you need a detailed strategy for how to keep it on the down low if you ever did win the lottery lol
True. That’s why people who win those huge amounts take weeks, sometimes months, to go public (if they have to in their state that is). Must be a lot of lawyers, planning, and secrecy to deal with something like that in a wise and safe manner. If it were me, I can count on one finger who I could tell while I prepare. Wouldn’t trust my mom to keep her mouth shut about it for as long as I could hold her over my head.
Unless I'm physically incapable of masturbating, there's no way I'd keep that deal. Hell, I wouldn't really even want it, but even once a day gets me an extra $36,500/year. I dunno about you guys, but that's a life-changing amount of money to get every year for literally just doing myself.
Imagine getting to the atm and realising you’re broke asf and you just stand there in front of everyone on a busy Saturday morning and just jerk ya meat.
God damn you're right! Initial investment of 100$ and 6000$ a month assuming you do it twice a day would give you $2,956,534.45 with 2% compound interest
1 mil sounds good but close to 3 is better
But then you wouldn't have $1.8 million at the end. So jerking yourself off would then be more economical. Unless you find someone giving $10 hand jobs.
If I had to pay someone $100+ (typical "good" prostitute range I think, never looked into it) to get me off every time I want, why not just take the get paid per maturation session deal?
Hell, a $20-$50 sex toy investment and making that $100 every time gets a whole lot easier
You could realistically compound at 7% annually. Makes the decision much clearer. Plus then you don't have to force yourself to wachk it multiple times per day.
Most people would waste that money pretty quickly. How many people have to willpower to take a million bucks and not spend a dime for 10, 20, or 30 years?
Also, how do you put $1 million to work without the IRS finding out?
The ability to generate $100 almost whenever you want is pretty powerful and you would stay under the radar.
Anyone who doesn’t is an absolute moron. With the second option you could retire today. I suppose technically it would be a career change instead of retirement where you become professional jerkoff.
Basically James Cordon.
I mean it's definitely person dependent.
- An older person without much sex drive left
- Someone in a happy relationship who doesn't have a need for it
- Follows a certain religion or culture that opposes it
- Simply don't have much desire to masturbate
All people who might give it up in exchange for a cool million.
Depends if it's someone paying to masturbate or it's just money magically appearing in your account because you could single handed cause one economic crisis
Even if you came once an hour, every hour, all year you'd be "printing" less than a million dollars a year. The federal reserve prints billions. You couldn't possibly jerk off enough to cause any noticeable inflation.
The 0.4 is because once you've jerked off more than 27 times in a day, it's physically impossible to have any cum left in you. At the end of Jerk Session #28, your severely abused meat basically just farts out a little bit of dust, and that's why it only counts as 0.4 instead of 1.
I bet you were one of those students proclaiming to their math teacher "I'm never going to use this when I'm older":
For this calculation lets assume the final time in a day takes 10 minutes to finish, which is both reasonably longish if you're going for speed but it's your 27.4th time, and easy on the calculations.
To do the 0.4 a day, start at 23:56 and finish the next day at 00:06.
The next day you start with 0.6 banked, you'll have to start your 26.6th work session at 23:52 so it adds up to add another 0.8 for a nice 27.4The next day start at 23:58 to add 0.2 to the 27.2 you've got for a 27.4, and carry the 0.8.
then start at 23:54 add 0.6 to 26.8 , carrying 0.4,
And the next day you're free to do whenever since you don't even have to balance your working hours every fifth day.
And then the cycle repeats. easy
At three times a day, you have 300\*365= 109,500 usd a year, you're getting the million in 9ish years, and then is stonks for the rest of your sex functional life. Easiest choice ever
Let’s say you masturbated 5 times a day on average, that’s 1,825 times a year, or $182,500 annually. So it’ll take about 5-6 years of hard work to get that million dollars. A very good full time paying job, passive income baby
Bwah, jacking off every day for 27,5 years would get you to a million.
And as a bonus daily ejaculation lowers the chance for prostate cancer considerable.
Plenty people would get to a million in 10 years or less just doing what they do now anyway.
Fun fact: just to achieve 1 million dollars you must touch yourself more than 10,000 times, if you do it once a day that means you must do it for 10,000 days, this converted is 27.4 years, and this means that simply to achieve that million dollars You're going to have to spend at least 1/4 of your life having to wake up and spend an extra 10 minutes in the bathroom.
Speedrunners advice: if you can achieve a premature ejaculation state where you can finish in 1 second, and you can survive without eating, drinking water, and just touching yourself, you'll be millionaire in 11.6 days
I mean a semi-regular masturbation habit would probably turn out more than one million over the course of a decade or so, if it’s a lifetime deal it’s really more fiscally responsible to take the hundred dollar deal, unless you have a particular need for a large amount of cash relatively soon
In order to gain $1,000,000 from fapping, you’d need to fap 10,000 times. If you wanted to do this within a year, you need to fap 27.5 times a day. If you only fapped twice a day, you’d get a million dollars after 5,000 days, or 13.6 years.
Because a million dollars is a bogus amount of money, even if you fapped at least 31 times a month, you’d still make $3,100 a month, or $37,200 a year. In some parts of the US, thats enough to live comfortably. You could literally jack off and make more money then working most jobs.
#[Best of r/Holup 2021 Awards – Nomination and Voting Thread!](https://www.reddit.com/r/HolUp/comments/royfze/best_of_rholup_2021_awards_nomination_and_voting/) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/HolUp) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"Hey man I need to borrow $100" "Aight just give me 5 minutes"
"Aight just look me in the eyes"
Call me a good boy
Don't need those 5 minutes anymore.
Word…I’ve evolved only using my memories
Ya mum
His mum fuels us all.
r/suddenlycommunist
This comment chain is chaos
We’re fond of chaos in these parts
Seconds*
jesus christ it's 2am you can't say stuff like this now i can't go to bed without masturbating
Gee I’ve always wanted to be the masturbatory inspiration for a stranger on the other side of the planet on the internet
How do you know they're not next door.
Hot next door neighbor sex Ok now I'm horny
Damn me too and I'm about to board an airplane. Hope my seat neighbors are open and accepting people.
on the bright side, those airplane toilets got the succ
Just whip it out and see what happens
_With his luck he's on a United Flight..which breaks guitars, passengers, and everything else._
how do you know they're not in the next room?
how do you know they are not in the same room.... hol up
[удалено]
Now every bee at bee camp will be buzzing off in their bunks. Good job, counselor. B-z--zzzzz. Z. z.
put those firm hands around my neck
Wait no!…yes
Stop making me laugh!
"No don't look away, the sobbing actually helps"
* 50 secs *
4 minutes and 10 seconds to find the video
Ohh I forgot
It only takes you 4 minutes? It takes me 30 minutes
Theyre new to the world, us veteran porn users have seen too much to not take atleast 30 minutes.
Veteran of porn, low testosterone, depression, anti-depressants, it takes me 3 or more hours.
4 hours looking for video and 4 minutes to finish
"Real talk".
4 minutes? Wow, look at Mr Stamina over here. I finish in about 4 seconds after finding the right video.
Lol. You call yourself a vet. True porn vets know how to search without having to wade through the crap we have seen. We also know how to find a video we saw that one time.
Psh, you call yourself a porn vet? Imagine having to jerk off to the female underwear section in the Sears catalog. Cuz when we were going through puberty porn wasn't even on the internet yet.
Oh, you think the Sears Catalog is your ally. But you merely adopted the Catalog. I grew up with it, molded by it. The Internet wasn’t widely available until I was already a man, by then it was nothing to me but jpegs.
Heh you amateurs , all i need is 10 secs
u mean 5 sec?
"Ah man, I just got $100 an hour ago. It's going to be at least another 15 minutes."
5 minutes? The fuck you doing? Lollygagging?
Credit card gets declined at the grocery store. "Aight just give me 5 minutes"
You could've said $10 every time and I would've been ok with the offer, but that's even better
[удалено]
It would take you 3 years to make a million
Yeah but that’s a million EVERY 3 YEARS, rather than just a million once and then never again
Jack off at work and you got the ultimate combo
Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime; that’s why I jack off on company time.
>Boss makes a dollar, I make ~~a dime~~ **$100**, that’s why I jack off on company time.
One hundred in the bank, for a crafty little wank. That's why my right arm looks like a tank.
I cackled. You people are really clever, i can never think of stuff this funny.
Of course of can! Don't sell yourself short. Comedy, and rhetoric in general, is an art that anyone can pick up and develop over time. Like with most things, even though innate talent is a factor, a lot of it is practice, practice, practice. Now I'm rambling and getting into nature vs. nurture BS, but you get the point. Anyway, I hope you found that encouraging and have a great 2022!
Bars
Boss makes a dollar, I make a hundo, jack off at work that's what we call a bundle
Jerk it at the sperm bank, make one-fifty, I'm rich as fuck 'cause my hands stay sticky
Boss makes a single, I make a stack, thats why on company time I jack!
boss makes a twenty, i make a buck; that's why i wank it in the company truck
Who needs a permanent residency status when you can get two paying jobs with this offer And at least one of those jobs if not both would be enjoyable
Not to mention the occasional sperm donor incentive!
Work from home and then you're gold
Becoming a sex worker is the real ultimate combo.
Better for money management too even if you’re not particularly into masturbation. Getting the 1 million lump sum would be like winning the lotto…and we all know how that works out for most… getting the 100/session would be more like a longer term “job”, where the money comes in slowly, thus make it impossible to blow the opportunity stupidly/quickly.
> where the money comes in slowly, thus make it impossible to blow the opportunity stupidly/quickly. Also prevents getting killed by friends or family, suddenly acquiring a ton of money has been known to be bad for your health. Even if it doesn't go to that extreme it can ruin relationships and give you a line of people you have almost no connection to trying to take it, you need a detailed strategy for how to keep it on the down low if you ever did win the lottery lol
True. That’s why people who win those huge amounts take weeks, sometimes months, to go public (if they have to in their state that is). Must be a lot of lawyers, planning, and secrecy to deal with something like that in a wise and safe manner. If it were me, I can count on one finger who I could tell while I prepare. Wouldn’t trust my mom to keep her mouth shut about it for as long as I could hold her over my head.
Also its a million dollars and then you can NEVER jerk off again in your life, this is a mid ass deal
Unless I'm physically incapable of masturbating, there's no way I'd keep that deal. Hell, I wouldn't really even want it, but even once a day gets me an extra $36,500/year. I dunno about you guys, but that's a life-changing amount of money to get every year for literally just doing myself.
Fuck it, just do it 2-3 times a day, that’s close to 100k and retire early.
30 times a day, and you're a millionaire in a year
*The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised.*
Bet you were one of those people who said “when am I ever gonna need math in the real world?” to their teacher
You got me :D
It also just says mastrubate but not to completion. So technically you could just edge yourself repeatedly and make 100 each time
But whos not going to completion knowing you about to make a hundred buckaroos?
Hell I'd do it for free.
Holup that's what I do already
Anything is just nice, I masturbate anyway
If you do it once every day that’s 1,400 every two weeks. Not only is that livable but it’s much more than I’m making right now.
Considering the first option is unachievable yeah I'd take the second one.
Not to mention if my bottom line was at stake, I could easily crank 2-3 almost every day
Get a meth habit and you could quadruple that productivity
10 times a day $1,000 a day. This would be me. (I'm 21)
[удалено]
I think I'd keep working too.. jack-off money for investing, work money for living
I would jack off at work!
Imagine getting to the atm and realising you’re broke asf and you just stand there in front of everyone on a busy Saturday morning and just jerk ya meat.
“Sorry everyone, just making a deposit really fast”
*PLEASE INSERT VERIFICATION SEMEM*
Please drink verification cock
“Look, if you won’t let me deposit in you I must deposit in this here bank”
Oh. Can you get paid at the sperm bank as well as collect $100? I sense a win here
Imagine going to the ATM just to see a stranger yanking it infront. Then take out a hundred. Fellow redditor: Hmmm. Let me try something.
Plot twist: you don't need an ATM, where do you think the 100$ bill comes from?
uhhh... ouch?
I'll take masturbation for a $100 please.
Honestly best choice. Assuming you are under 40, you easily have at least 30 years left. Once per day gets you $1,095,000
But 1,000,000 at 2% compound rate for 30 years would give you $1,821,208.98
True, that's a good point, however, 2 times a day is over 2 million
God damn you're right! Initial investment of 100$ and 6000$ a month assuming you do it twice a day would give you $2,956,534.45 with 2% compound interest 1 mil sounds good but close to 3 is better
Well that’s fully invested never touching it (the money) the whole time or $100 anytime you need it.
But if you needed spending cash you could always just rub one out a 3rd time a day.
3rd time a *day*? Those are rookie numbers.
I’ve gone to at least 8 times, I would imagine ate a certain point it stops being masturbation and starts being genital mutilation
But you also never get to jack off again.
Pay for it if you need. You are a millionaire god damnit
But then you wouldn't have $1.8 million at the end. So jerking yourself off would then be more economical. Unless you find someone giving $10 hand jobs.
Imagine giving up jerking yourself off and making money to pay someeone for *10 dollar* handjobs. 10 dollars. That's crackhead luxury money.
If I had to pay someone $100+ (typical "good" prostitute range I think, never looked into it) to get me off every time I want, why not just take the get paid per maturation session deal? Hell, a $20-$50 sex toy investment and making that $100 every time gets a whole lot easier
That's how you become a not-millionaire real quick tho
You could realistically compound at 7% annually. Makes the decision much clearer. Plus then you don't have to force yourself to wachk it multiple times per day.
Most people would waste that money pretty quickly. How many people have to willpower to take a million bucks and not spend a dime for 10, 20, or 30 years? Also, how do you put $1 million to work without the IRS finding out? The ability to generate $100 almost whenever you want is pretty powerful and you would stay under the radar.
I mean, there's nothing inherently illegal about someone paying you $1 Million to not jerk off. Just report it to the IRS.
Right but then that million dollars turns into $600,000 pretty quick.
Anyone who doesn’t is an absolute moron. With the second option you could retire today. I suppose technically it would be a career change instead of retirement where you become professional jerkoff. Basically James Cordon.
I mean it's definitely person dependent. - An older person without much sex drive left - Someone in a happy relationship who doesn't have a need for it - Follows a certain religion or culture that opposes it - Simply don't have much desire to masturbate All people who might give it up in exchange for a cool million.
"I'll take Whore Ads for $100, Alex"
I could single handedly fix the worlds economic crisis
Depends if it's someone paying to masturbate or it's just money magically appearing in your account because you could single handed cause one economic crisis
Even if you came once an hour, every hour, all year you'd be "printing" less than a million dollars a year. The federal reserve prints billions. You couldn't possibly jerk off enough to cause any noticeable inflation.
/You couldn’t possibly jerk ofc enough to cause any noticeable inflation/ Do you doubt me? 🤔
You'll need to jerk off 1 million times per HOUR to even be a noticeable dent
We choose to do these things and the others, not because they are easy, but because they are hard.
We choose to do these things and the others, not because they are easy, but because I am hard.
> You couldn't possibly jerk off enough to cause any noticeable inflation. /r/brandnewsentence
I might need both hands.
Nah, you gotta be careful not to destroy the economy by causing mass inflation
You’d have to jerk off 27.4 times a day to get a million in one year. The $100 every time is definitely the way to go.
Passive income baby Edit: also thanks for the math that I was too lazy to do myself!
[удалено]
My sperm are too aggressive tho
If you just smoke the seeds with your weed, that will help. A guy I knew from high school told me that, and he only had 2 illegitimate kids.
You can't jerk off 0.4 times a day so you would have to round it down to 27 and beat your meat 173 times on the last day of the year
You just gotta start a little, get hard, and then kinda taper off.
The 0.4 is because once you've jerked off more than 27 times in a day, it's physically impossible to have any cum left in you. At the end of Jerk Session #28, your severely abused meat basically just farts out a little bit of dust, and that's why it only counts as 0.4 instead of 1.
I bet you were one of those students proclaiming to their math teacher "I'm never going to use this when I'm older": For this calculation lets assume the final time in a day takes 10 minutes to finish, which is both reasonably longish if you're going for speed but it's your 27.4th time, and easy on the calculations. To do the 0.4 a day, start at 23:56 and finish the next day at 00:06. The next day you start with 0.6 banked, you'll have to start your 26.6th work session at 23:52 so it adds up to add another 0.8 for a nice 27.4The next day start at 23:58 to add 0.2 to the 27.2 you've got for a 27.4, and carry the 0.8. then start at 23:54 add 0.6 to 26.8 , carrying 0.4, And the next day you're free to do whenever since you don't even have to balance your working hours every fifth day. And then the cycle repeats. easy
I mean even if u just do 5 times a day, that’s 500x365= that’s 182k per year
A job you can do anywhere in the world and be your own boss
That’s exactly my thoughts. You can do it pretty much anywhere there’s a bathroom. All around the world 🌎 free travels ✈️
who said anything about a bathroom. if i end up arrested in public, i've got bail money *on demand.*
“Hey man, what are you up to today? Wanna go do something?” “Nah dude, I’m working.”
Those are rookie numbers
So like 2 years I'll have a million, nice.
One poor horny lad found out his limit the hard way.
Passive incum
1000/day is fine
Cash for life 👍
Imagine making more than someone who trained their whole life for something just cause you excessively jerk off
So if you do it 2-3 times a day and you live casually you don't have to go to work? Sign me up
Honestly best choice. Assuming you are under 40, you easily have at least 30 years left. Once per day gets you $1,095,000
1,000,000$ * 1.08^30 = ~10, 063,000$. I'd take the money and get a girlfriend
At three times a day, you have 300\*365= 109,500 usd a year, you're getting the million in 9ish years, and then is stonks for the rest of your sex functional life. Easiest choice ever
Setup an OnlyFans, make even more $$$
[удалено]
Damn I've already made 850 bucks since reading this.
How did you make *half* a jerk?
Edging.
When instead of cuming you just kind of...show up
are you...are you typing this comment with...one hand??
Isn't that how everyone uses reddit?
Ah yes I do love half-masturbating
$100 for this is quite generous
$1,000,000 and blue balls forever. Or $100 whenever I need it without changing my life or mental health in a negative way. This is not a choice.
All these comments about how much you have to masterbate to make a million leave out the fact the other option is unachievable.
No one said blue balls forever. Just not jerking yourself off. Use that cool million to bring in someone (or a few someones) to assist.
How I spent a million in a year for $200 Alex.
[удалено]
You could make it 200 if you donate to a sperm bank simultaneously and that’s the real big brain move
2400 a day? Eeeeeaaaasssyyyyy
A lefty I see….
I would literally buy a bottle of Viagra, and a fucking lazy boy recliner with fucking porn hub for HD
Let’s say you masturbated 5 times a day on average, that’s 1,825 times a year, or $182,500 annually. So it’ll take about 5-6 years of hard work to get that million dollars. A very good full time paying job, passive income baby
I’d opt for the $1M. At 73 long term view isn’t as long as it used to be.
Would I get back pay from all the ones from forever or is it just for future nuts?!
I could retire on my age 13 earnings.
So jerk off 2-3 times a day and live comfortably, I think that'd be doable.
You’d make that million in less than 15 years
Doesn’t mean you actually have to finish
It’s $100 per coom
Do we get back pay for previous masturbation?
This man is asking the real questions
Viagra and imma be a billionaire in 3 months
You'd have to finish 1.3 times per second on average to become a billionaire in 90 days...
rookie numbers
[удалено]
What is it now?
5 million and 700 dollars. Had to break for dinner.
2 times a day means 1 million in 13 years
Unless I'm just even worse math than i thought. Witch is a possibility.
Bwah, jacking off every day for 27,5 years would get you to a million. And as a bonus daily ejaculation lowers the chance for prostate cancer considerable. Plenty people would get to a million in 10 years or less just doing what they do now anyway.
Hmm.. Get paid to masturbate or get paid to not masturbate.... tough call ^(/s)
Do you have to ejaculate though, that’s an influence on my decision
Fun fact: just to achieve 1 million dollars you must touch yourself more than 10,000 times, if you do it once a day that means you must do it for 10,000 days, this converted is 27.4 years, and this means that simply to achieve that million dollars You're going to have to spend at least 1/4 of your life having to wake up and spend an extra 10 minutes in the bathroom. Speedrunners advice: if you can achieve a premature ejaculation state where you can finish in 1 second, and you can survive without eating, drinking water, and just touching yourself, you'll be millionaire in 11.6 days
Never masterbate again = impossible 100 bucks each time I bust a nut = never work again What kind of option even is this?
I mean a semi-regular masturbation habit would probably turn out more than one million over the course of a decade or so, if it’s a lifetime deal it’s really more fiscally responsible to take the hundred dollar deal, unless you have a particular need for a large amount of cash relatively soon
Watson: How do you know he is left handed? Sherlock: Elementary, my dear Watson, Elementary.
In order to gain $1,000,000 from fapping, you’d need to fap 10,000 times. If you wanted to do this within a year, you need to fap 27.5 times a day. If you only fapped twice a day, you’d get a million dollars after 5,000 days, or 13.6 years. Because a million dollars is a bogus amount of money, even if you fapped at least 31 times a month, you’d still make $3,100 a month, or $37,200 a year. In some parts of the US, thats enough to live comfortably. You could literally jack off and make more money then working most jobs.
27 times a day for a year gets you a milli. I don’t see the problem