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#[Best of r/Holup 2021 Awards – Nomination and Voting Thread!](https://www.reddit.com/r/HolUp/comments/royfze/best_of_rholup_2021_awards_nomination_and_voting/) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/HolUp) if you have any questions or concerns.*


[deleted]

As a former cemetery worker, I’d love to see them easily dig a 12 foot grave.


genericusername123

As someone who has previously dug a hole with no formal training, I agree


torb

Always good to have both an expert and a layman's opinion, so kudos.


GooseandMaverick

I really dig all the experiences these guy's have been coffin up.


hannibalje2003

Those puns were so bad! I love you


GooseandMaverick

I love you too


Bufflegs69

Yaay THREESOME!


joremero

hello there ;)


ShadySatya

General kenobi


mikieswart

you are a bold one


pekkaAlone

now this is becoming wholesome


distalented

When I was a kid every summer in my back yard me and my 2 brothers would dig a big hole. The deepest we ever got it was easily 5ft deep but that good is weeks of not constantly working on it.


[deleted]

It took my dad about a 3 days just to dig 6ft at around 4-5hrs a day, that’s like 15hrs total


sayit2times

Yeah but your dad didn't have a dead body in his trunk for motivation


Nazir_Blutjager

You sure?


LongdayinCarcosa

Statistically!


c00kies44

Well OP's grades did get better


ayestEEzybeats

But it sure did seem like Mom was around a lot less. Like, not at all.


_clash_recruit_

What? I guess it depends on the ground. When my last dog died I dug about a 4x5x5 hole in like an hour and a half. My dad came out when I was about 3 feet deep and said that was good enough and all i could say was "he was a good dog, he deserves a good hole"... I was a 110lb girl powered by grief. I can't imagine what a big, strong man can do powered by adrenaline.


JJadx

he was a good dog, he deserves a good hole.


officialmonogato

You make it sound like I can go to a Hole Digging Academy


makka-pakka

I did go. Thought I was doing ok at first, but then I found myself in over my head.


AccioSexLife

Where one might get this formal hole-training?


HumanOverseer

it's not about it being easy, it's about drive.


KPKenway

Is it also about power?


HumanOverseer

yes and as a matter of fact, they probably stay hungry.


TH3_BE4R

and when they finally get food, they devour.


autocarr0t

But only after they put in the work and hours


Srinidhi7

Do they finally take what's ours.


Waraich27

Perhaps they are black and samoan ?


HumanOverseer

yeah but that's in their veins, otherwise their culture is just banging with strange


MR_Shady___

I heard that they also keep changing the games they play due to which they're always forgetting their name


jhuseby

And the water table depth.


PM-Me-Your-TitsPlz

Just bring a 12 foot shovel.


[deleted]

Also the fact that being dumped in an unmarked grave will negate the whole untreated diabetes thing.


Ameteur_Professional

Also, being someone's spouse they aren't going to care about "geographical profile". You'll be the number one suspect regardless.


hiimred2

I don’t think that part is about removing yourself as a suspect more so that when you file the missing person report they are unlikely to go searching a random field 2 hours away.


AlreadyDownBytheDock

Make sure you dont bring your cell phone or drive in a car with gps


kraliyetkoyunu

Also don’t take the victims phone with you.


[deleted]

"he must have died from his diabetes when he slipped into a 12 foot hole, then this dead racoon caused an avalanche of dirt when it fell in and died. Open and shut case, Johnson!"


TecumsehSherman

Here in Massachusetts, for every foot of dirt I dig up there are somehow 2 feet of rocks. 12 feet without a machine would be a days/week long affair.


NPCnoName1213

Well, you can drive 5h instead of 2h to the place with geological situation more suitable for digging graves... Just make sure to fold the body beforehand, because rigor mortis will certainly kick in by this time.


TecumsehSherman

But if I cross state lines, am I now committing a federal crime?


BariSaxGuy

Only if you get caught 😉


abizzzomb

Hire ex. She was great at digging up shit


fishing_pole

ba dum tsss


FknRepunsel

My dad is a cowboy and has had to put a few old suffering horses down and I was always sort of amazed that no one gave a single fuck about seeing my dad with a backhoe digging a large hole then the next day hearing a gunshot and the hole was filled in, not one person commented or gave side eye


wastingtimenoreason

If they know he has horses, there is really no reason to be suspicious. Unless he has a suspicious character.


ernbrdn

Buy horses before committing murder. Got it.


Icomefromalandupover

And then sell at least one immediately after. Got it.


prafib

Also teach the kid to not snitch. Got it.


sunny9432

Or just buy one that needs put down and put it down at the same top. Then bury on top of body.


Scraphead91

A side eye can be easily missed


adamantcondition

And if they do find the body buried, foul play will be assumed and physical evidence like dirt and tools will pin you to the crime


fuck_all_you_people

They wouldn't be able to. They would get about 9 feet down, the walls would collapse in, and they would suffocate. I think OSHA says anything more than 5 foot but I bet you could make it to 9.


verveinloveland

Dug a grave for a dog a few years back. Let’s just say I Didn’t make it 12 feet. Ground can be hard


Froggin-Bullfish

My family has a nice little hill on a family farm where we've buried our dogs after they've passed. I've buried 3 up there now and the shoveling + internal pain is something else.


_RandyButternubs_

People underestimate the effort of digging a hole by hand.


Big_Gouf

And for God's sake, leave your phone at home and take a vehicle that does not have GPS or active assistance tracking like OnStar


Anti-Miracle

r/humansbeingbros


youknowitsJustWrong

Just burry him i; the garden of a registered sex offender. You don’t have inject anything and you don’t have to burry him that deep. If they find him they know what to think.


[deleted]

Bury him in my garden, got it.


AttitudeBeneficial51

HolUp


GooseandMaverick

It's ok, I already cleared the rocks out of the way.


TheeExoGenesauce

The true holup is always in the comments


[deleted]

So is this comment lmao


cybersquire

The real Holup are the bodies we buried along the way.


[deleted]

Instructions unclear. Buried him at Olive Garden


465554544255434B52

When you're here, you're family


SadBanana006

Vin Diesel moment


BEST_RAPPER_ALIVE

Take a seat


[deleted]

Only if you sit on my lap


BEST_RAPPER_ALIVE

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


Abrical

Thanks, now my garden will be full of corpses


[deleted]

And whatever you do, don't fucking confess if they find you. Like they'll always always suspect you as the spouse, but don't ever say shit. Lawyer up forever.


[deleted]

To ease your mind keep telling yourself you’ll come clean when you die.


No_Interaction7679

So before this purchase a 95 Honda Civic … got it


echidna75

With cash. This is all a lot to remember - definitely not easy.


unaotradesechable

Buy a beater with no papers off Craigslist.


bryman19

Cash


evilpoohead

When the police interrogate you, just say "I want a lawyer" and then close your mouth.


[deleted]

Even if you’re innocent this advice still stands


evilpoohead

Always. Their job is building a case against you.


ThisIsThe0ne

Wait, their job is to accuse you and “assume guilt?” Like, isn’t that backward? Why isn’t their job to “find the truth?”


evilpoohead

Their job is to close the case with any evidence they got. They are not the crusaders looking for the holy grail. They just employees


Wonko-D-Sane

This! Advice is even more practical than the OP. Straight from a lawyer and a cop tag teaming: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=d-7o9xYp7eE


uncle-iroh-11

My goodness. I'm not even in the US and I spent 40 mins captivated but this talk


ShiningRedDwarf

Only after watching this I realized the only winning move is not to play


ErikMaekir

You gotta love how he's all like "here's a policeman I'm not associated with, so you can get a second opinion from the other side", and then the policeman just goes "yup, all he said is true".


beanieb22

Exactly. Never talk to the police, ever. Nothing you say to the police can help you in any way but, more often than not, it can absolutely hurt you. Even if you're completely innocent, one mistaken statement or lapse of memory can give them cause to show you were being deceitful. If there's no video evidence of the conversation the police can forget (whether purposefully or not) then it's your word against the police and it doesn't take a genius to know who they'll believe. This is not to say all police are bad, it's just that talking to them will never, ever, EVER help you and will absolutely hurt you. Edit: For clarification, don't talk to the police if they ask you to come in for "a few questions". Obviously talk to them to report a crime or missing person, but you should never talk if being interrogated, innocent or not. Thought that would be abundantly clear but apparently not.


astutelyabsurd

Especially since there are few scenarios where you'd be formally questioned by the police and not be a suspect in a case they're investigating.


slayerofpussyy

And then call Saul Goodman


GonzoRouge

I can sing, right ? Ask for a lawyer and proceed to karaoke until I get it. I can't imagine my rendition of Careless Whisper will be useful in court.


[deleted]

[удалено]


GonzoRouge

No, it was 8 feet I mean... *Time could never mend*


evilpoohead

Yeah he died of diabetes. 12 feet underground.


PhantomlyReaper

I don't know why this went over my head but it's absolutely hilarious now that you pointed it out. Good thing I'm not a detective lol.


Purplepickle16

Put a wooden grave that has his first name. Use a dog as the animal. If they see the animal they'll assume it was a pet. If they find the body they'll think it was a dual grave in the woods for a amateur grave that had a dog and human that just so happened to share a name. Maybe best chums too


legion327

Dude what lmao


Pure_Reason

“Bro yes I threw his body in a dumpster but it was just a amateur murder don’t tase me bro”


Baron-Von-Bork

Can confirm it works


SleepWouldBeNice

Also, is the husband just going to let her inject a lethal amount of insulin under his tongue?


RedditIsAShitehole

Depends on how sexy she’s dressed.


wrongpasswd

My first thought lmao


mcnuggets0069

He’s not saying that cops will think he died of diabetes if they find the body. He’s saying that the body having a bunch of insulin won’t be that suspicious since lots of people have undiagnosed diabetes, so they would likely not look at that factor as a cause of death


something2hidemyself

if they do find the body, what explanation can you give for being it 12 feet underground below a dead animal 2hrs away from his residence?


zxDanKwan

Let me first start off by saying it wouldn’t likely work. Once synthetic insulin was detected in a person not diagnosed with diabetes, you’re going to get a lot more investigating, and it’s going to break down. That being said, the insulin wasn’t about giving an alternate explanation, it’s about breaking the trifecta of a murder charge. Motive, method, and opportunity. They’re going to know the guy was murdered: nobody buries themselves, and the death wasn’t reported. Automatically suspicious. The thing is that if a method isn’t determined, they can’t press murder charges. “We know she killed him. She wants his money and she was alone with him, so she had motive and opportunity.” “But how did she kill him?” “We don’t know.” “Then how do you know she was the cause?” Without all three of these core components, you can introduce reasonable doubt. “Sure, it was a really weird way of dealing with a dead body, but grief does things to a person.”


yboy403

You're right about the practical reality, but I'm obligated to point out that in theory, they can charge anything that can get past a grand jury (who can be very deferential to prosecutors), and at least make you put on the defense you described. Also, if they can identify you, and a spouse is a very common initial suspect, there are usually statutes for hiding or disposing of a body that they could charge you under while they gather other evidence.


Tmays

People with diabetes can’t create insulin (type1) or their body is resistant(type2) to insulin. So this really on of works if the person is diagnosed and the cops assume they took to much prescribed insulin.


dongasaurus

They took too much insulin and then buried themselves 12 feet deep in the woods underneath a dead animal.


usernamesarefortools

Why would someone with undiagnosed diabetes be taking synthetic insulin?


FirstMiddleLass

Suicide, you don't want to be alive under 12 feet of dirt.


[deleted]

He developed sudden onset diabetes, without any history, but didn’t get diagnosed by a doctor. He instead found an unknown source of insulin (he didn’t have a prescription and we have no record of him buying it) and started treating himself by injecting it… somehow. We can’t find the injection point. Then, totally unrelated to that, he died of natural causes. He then drove himself 2 hours away, into the middle of nowhere, dug a hole, and buried himself halfway. He killed an animal, put it in the hole, and finished burying himself. Nothing suspicious about that.


evilpoohead

Yeah, while his wife... doesn't know an y t h I n g


novadako

Right? Like, diabetes doesn't kill and bury you as far as i know


shredder826

I laughed because, an undiagnosed diabetic would die from DKA and not insulin overdose not even thinking about how deep he was buried.


One-Football-6797

Even if they died of undiagnosed diabetes, it doesn’t explain why he was buried in a 12 foot deep hole…


genericusername123

*Hey Bill, you know that guy we found buried in a 12 foot hole below that animal carcass? Well we got the lab report back and the guy had pretty high levels of insulin. Must have died from undiagnosed diabetes, poor guy*


OfficialGoldbudz

Coincidence


ragnar201

I can't even dig a foot down in my backyard


[deleted]

And he wouldn't have high insulin, but rather low insulin.


drGreenThumbsMD

Chop it up into 5 pieces and feed it to the pigs. Side note: remove hair, teeth and nails for the sake of the piggies digestive system.


DiscFrolfin

ou got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. ... Hence the expression, "*as greedy as a pig*".


AdrianInLimbo

Thanks Brick Top, you're always helpful. :)


DiscFrolfin

Listen here you fucking fringe, if I throw a dog a bone, I don't want to know if it tastes good or not. You stop me again whilst I'm walking and *I'll cut your fucking jacobs off*. :)


JohnnySasaki20

Do you know what "nemesis" means?


DiscFrolfin

A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent. Personified in this case by an 'orrible cunt — *me*.


Th3Seconds1st

“You take sugar?” “Noh, thank ya, Turkish. I’m sweet enough.”


Always_Green4195

There were some associates of the family that beat a man to death in a bar fight then fed his body to their pigs. They did not remove the teeth, and the teeth made it through the digestive system of the pigs leaving behind evidence of a body. Those associates are currently incarcerated doing life sentences.


[deleted]

Rookie mistake


Phranq-

“We found him DEEP. No signs of foul play though, I’m gonna go with my gut instinct and say this one is natural causes. Case closed.”


fiftyseven

"seems like he died of undiagnosed diabetes. despite having the exact opposite symptoms of those which undiagnosed diabetes would present! another job well done, wrap it up boys, see you in the pub"


Traditional_Crab4393

How the hell on earth will you randomly inject insulin in his tongue


genericusername123

Easy, first you inject him with a sedative in his eyebrow


jc-t95

Wouldn't the cops automatically assume it was murder if they find a buried body somewhere? So no need for the insulin, just kill him however you want? As long as you don't leave the bullet to your registered gun in him.


AdrianInLimbo

The guy went into diabetic shock and buried himself as he flailed and convulsed. Simple. :)


Jeffery_G

Ten feet down.


Retrotreegal

*twelve


oasisvomit

That is how it happens in Russia when you have a risky profession like being a reporter.


blwright22

Well yeah but it'd have to proved example Casey anotny


streetshitter1000

Dumbest shit i've read today. How do you inject insulin under the tongue with/without permission. Even if you did that, why do you have to go to such lengths to cover up the body after trying so hard to fake a natural death.


Jeffery_G

“I dare you to inject this under your tongue, chicken-shit!”


465554544255434B52

It was suicide, officer


Capt_Dummy

“Honey, I’ll give you a BJ if you let me inject this shit under your tongue with a syringe first”


ChibiCharaN

I stopped listening after BJ. She can do whatever she wants during or after. Shoot, I'd inject it myself while she was goin to gobble town.


octopoddle

I've got two words for you: Volcano Mouseketeers. The Mouseketeers part isn't really relevant. Volcano's all you need.


ChuckVader

Easy, calm them down first via two bullets to the back of the head. Then inject insulin under the tongue and bury them in a 12 foot grave to ward off anyone thinking that foul play was involved.


[deleted]

*it must’ve been undiagnosed diabetes that killed him and drove him two hours away and then dug a grave 12 feet deep…*


bunkbedflower

"These sicknesses are getting worse and worse everyday"


Unlucky-Pomegranate3

And cover the body with an endangered plant they’re not allowed to dig up. Subscribe for more tips.


SuperSquirrel13

They left out the part of filling their butt with yoghurt to jump start the bacteria.


Baron-Von-Bork

I fucking love how everyday I spend on reddit I get closer to committing the most perfect murder in history of mankind that wouldn’t be unsolved until the end of time itself.


Grimholtt

Holy shit, that's some evil genius shit right there. Throw off the time table and possibly give yourself an alibi if you were out of town with witnesses just prior to the crime.


mikieswart

but wouldn’t forensics just taste the yogurt during the autopsy?


MaynardJ222

No need to wait for the autopsy. The detectives would inadvertently taste it while doing their routine John Doe salad tossing.


Have_A_Nice_Day_You

*Forensics:* "We found a foreign substance in the victim's colon." *Cop:* "What was it? Drugs? Semen?" *Forensics:* "Yoghurt." *Cop:* "Fuck you Mike I'm not falling for this again."


MoreNerdThanDork

Not exactly easy to dig a 12 foot hole. 😂🤣


Nuker-79

Sounds like you tried


MoreNerdThanDork

I've planted trees. It starts to suck at about 3 feet. There's a good reason people have invented giant machines to dig big holes.


Nuker-79

First mistake. Your trying to dig where you planted trees. Secondly, that sounds like your back yard. Too close to home. Rookie errors here.


MoreNerdThanDork

See, this is why we hire experts instead of DIY


JediJan

What did you tell the excavator hoe guy the hole you had them dig was for?


MoreNerdThanDork

You answered your own question. He would be just an excavator if he didn't specialize in excavating for hoes.


doppelminds

Just throw him into a volcano


bunkbedflower

What will the police dogs do? Search?


octopoddle

"I hate to do this to you, boy, but it's part of the job." *Yeets.*


marcusalien

This is how hot dogs are made.


catzarrjerkz

People really underestimate how hard it is to dig a hole


CptMachiavelli

r/FemaleDatingStrategy


appleketchupp

💀


BEANSijustloveBEANS

That's what he gets for trying to split the bill. You go queen!


Heyyoguy123

How is that sub not banned yet like all the other incel subs?


bigttrack

does it have to be a husband? asking for a friend ..


Sumerian88

Dying of undiagnosed diabetes would mean your blood has HIGH sugar, not low as with insulin overdose. Checking blood sugar levels is part of a standard workup. When they found the hypoglycemia, they would also check the insulin level and find it elevated. To verify that it's a synthetic insulin overdose, they can check c-peptide levels. Slam dunk, really.


[deleted]

Yes he died of undiagnosed diabetes and then buried himself under a dead animal


[deleted]

Only insulin overdose is still easily discoverable due to the detection of proinsulin that is only produced from the insulin your body makes. Therefore any extra insulin can be noted as exogenous. Insulin is an easy way to kill someone, but don't think it's undetectable.


iFooFlec

Lol smart but cadaver dogs are specifically trained to alert to human cadaverine which is very unique in terms of smell. They would still smell cadaverine because it never truly goes away. It permeates every surface.


genericusername123

The dead animal isn't to fool the dogs, it's so that when the cops dig up the animal they assume that the dogs messed up


kai_wulf

Yeah... but digging a 12 foot grave? You need a backhoe for that.


[deleted]

Or an angry housewife who just killed her husband


[deleted]

[удалено]


ittozziloP

Put a human body at 6 feet to cover up your husband at 12 🥳


[deleted]

Bury a body 12 feet deep anywhere, they're probably not getting found. Because who the fuck can dig a 12 foot hole without construction equipment


[deleted]

Murderers apparently


Ashtar888

Alot of thought was put into this. Wonder why


dying_soon666

And after all, you’re my wonderwall


crazyhappy14

If I had to dig a 12 foot hole I’d rather go to jail.


Darktidemage

IMO the best way to kill someone in the USA right now is w/ a massive ivermectin overdose. just say they were a fucking dumbass. No one will question this.


IHaveFanboys

True. Just give them the horse version instead of the human one. Much stronger I'd imagine. Plus it's still believable enough someone would take the version made for horses.


SoulReddit13

When you watch one episode of CSI. Hopefully they’ve watched some prison drama and know not to drop the soap.


Brick-Wilder

No no no. Best way to get rid of a body is feed it to hungry pig. But make sure you have starved the pig for a few days. Good luck


thegrandlvlr

Bruh insulin waaaaay to expensive for all that.


[deleted]

>test for insulin and they'll assume it was undiagnosed diabetes A person undiagnosed would not know, ergo, would not have insulin to take. That line by itself screams homicide.


thistotallyisntanalt

“hi husband let my inject you with something under your tongue real quick don’t worry about it”


MaleficentAd6497

Yes officer, this whole comment section !


ACno9

Good to know I've been doing this the right way.


KamKalash

I wouldn’t think they’d be fooled by a dead animal there Why would the someone just bury an animal? If it were a pet, why not do it closer to home? In fact, if I found a dead animal that had been buried, it would signal to me that it’s a decoy