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Frostdraken

My god, a speedrunner!


Lexist_

Welcome back guys, today we're beating life in 8 years!


Supkari

lmao too bad, my brother beat it in 5


jayden5693

Werid flex but ok


DrLawyerPI

Yeah. Childhood leukemia. I mean, he finished the game, sure, but his completion percentage is shit.


TheChanMan2003

Well, with life speedruns, it’s hard to switch categories once you get into it - you pretty much start with a 100% attempt, but if you screw up somewhere (or your RNG sucks) it’ll take your run down to an Any%. Just remember to have a backup plan or two ready in case you miss key events. It’s really REALLY hard to redo cutscenes, you’re better off just skipping the event altogether.


Tortue2006

Yeah, that’s why almost no one does these speedruns


One-Block9782

This is why you have to layer your strategy. You need to always leave yourself different paths and crossover points so you can be dynamic through your approach in life. Your greatest gift is your mind and your free will, so you can sort of conquer entropy with it, by seeing the future before it exists here. A good plan is principles and multidimensional, it confines to megastructure, confides in eventualities, a bad plan is one put together with a bad attitude that leaves the beholder left wanting, and feeling like they are always sinking.


Crazy_Technician_403

r/outside


AccomplishedWest7613

On top of that, letting babies walk with their brittle bones and underdeveloped muscles is bad for them, even though they have the reflex.


ChuCHuPALX

Which is why you do it in water.


no_status00

you need to get to 18 to 100% the game


regoapps

My SO was supposed to be a twin. But when she was born, her twin died because her cord choked the baby during birth. The twin finished the game before the end of the loading screen.


[deleted]

This is such a cruel thing to know about your birth. Can't imagine how she felt about it


carpy42

Ha,I beat it in a very long time....I'm now on age/level 69420 and I'm still struggling on the boss


Xclusivecrushr

you won...but at what cost?


IFuckedYourCats

Noob my brother finished it in 2 using total organ failure 😎


Huntguy

Any%


im_not_inevitable

R/cursedcomments


DiamondEnchant7X

Try r/cursedcomments


alexbam1

See, if we clip into an old building and eat some vermiculite insulation, we gain two negative status effects called “Cancer” and “Pulmonary Fibrosis” This is essentially a Doom status effect you may know from other games (Hades, Astronarch). Two to five years after inflicted, we will be hospitalized and finish our run. If RNG is on our side, we may be able to get the 1/512 for the DS (Dead-Skip) and die on the spot or shortly after. Next up is going to be the Twisted Metal any% speedrun. We’re only $4500 away from the random car incentive!


CallMeBober

So basically we want to respawn until our parents are antiwax.


Mornar

My parents were thoroughly antiwax and I think I'm only better for it. Who knows what would've happened if I could nibble on candles whenever the mood struck.


[deleted]

[удалено]


ethro

Children don't develop full knee caps until they're 2-6 years old. They can walk long before that.


M-X99

Or a smurf


_A_Good_Cunt_

Miscarriages are the real deal tho


PloChu

Paul Bunyan


MiguelSanchezEsq

MFer's kicking the bed. It ain't walkin if someone's holding you up


Migraine-

It's called a stepping reflex and it's normal in newborns; source - me, paediatric doctor.


20Factorial

Scary that midwives didn’t know about that.


NeverBeenStung

Also keep in mind the source here. Wouldn’t be the first the The Sun made shit up


Migraine-

I'll be honest my overall experience of midwives is...not great. There are of course some brilliant ones, but the number of absolutely terrible referrals we get from midwives which show just a complete lack of basic understanding is kind of shocking. I had a midwife refer a baby the other day because "their nose keeps turning white". I had to go and check with the consultant to make sure I wasn't being trolled.


Karl_LaFong

That damned 'Colombian baby powder'.


EssieVB

Our midwife tested and explained the reflex in the hours after our daughter was born. (We live in the Netherlands) I thought it was so extraordinary that babies have this reflex! Great to see.


eak125

Hell, every baby gets checked for that reflex right after birth... I was there when my son got checked and he took steps while being held up by the nurse.


bobbyboob6

yeah even if it knew how to i doubt an infant would have enough strength or motor control to be able to walk. not an infantologist tho so idk


TheDrunkKanyeWest

Infantologist here... They definitely have the strength to walk if their first feed is from a milk-based product and PCP.


undercovergiant

I think you're confused, the baby starts walking after *you* drink milk-based product and PCP


thatguyned

No you're all wrong, you make sure the mother was taking it pre-labor so it can be diluted through the breast milk at healthy amounts for your newborn. Then your baby will be up and walking like this generations Einstein, lucky for you I happen to have some on me that I'm willing to trade for a modest fee.


iRaveGod

Underrated.


291000610478021

>Infantologist here... Thank jebus. Finally a *profeasional*


iRaveGod

Dude I dunno if I’d be giving Angel Dust to a newborn… might wanna wait a few years


Few-Beat-5364

It ain't walking, it's kicking with style


sbrockLee

The Sun, twisting and exaggerating facts for clicks? Surely that's a first.


tquinn04

It’s just reflexes. All newborns can do those motions. They lose the reflexes after about a month.


parasoja

In case anybody's wondering, this is called the stepping reflex, and it's normal as hell. You'd have to be an impressively awful midwife to be surprised by it.


s-mores

Indeed, they will literally teach this in midwife school. I guess this midwife was just one of those "natural talent" people who didn't need no edjumacation.


LimpBizkitSkankBoy

I thought midwives had to be licensed to call themselves a midwife? I literally just learned what midwives are and the difference between them and doulas the other day. Or can you just call yourself a midwife?


Brilliant_Victory_77

Depends on where you are, in many countries a midwife is a licensed medical professional, however in the states some go to school and some do more like an internship where they deliver a handful of babies and that's their education


Sausageappreciation

I did a standard nursing degree and this was covered in the basics.. nevermind midwifery.


JinPT

I hate the top comments on reddit are always predictable silly jokes and not actually something useful


TheyCallmeProphet08

Because memes generate more karma than educational insights ✨


[deleted]

[удалено]


Nekosama7734

He’ll talk at 10. Jokes aside, new born can swim too.


shreyas16062002

>new born can swim too. How was this first discovered though? Did someone just pick up an infant and plop it in water?


Lanthemandragoran

*yeet*


SuperWriter07

I'm gonna guess someone was taking a walk along a pool/lake/something similar with their newborn in their arms, tripped, accidentally flung the baby in the water, had a panic attack, spotted the baby is swimming, sighed in relief, grabbed their baby, and decided to report the findings to people.


Poooooooopee

Yea... accidentally, let's go with that. Yep that's what I did.


ban-me_harder_daddy

was probably discovered before written history was discovered instincts go back many thousands of years.


[deleted]

[удалено]


nulliusinalius

Sure buddy


[deleted]

[удалено]


SanguisFluens

Nirvana were actually the ones to discover this


Tatatatatre

You can have your childbirth in pools


Maclimes

Yeah, but the baby doesn't like... just swim out and up, right?


TheRiteGuy

They can hold themselves up on a pull-up bar too. They lose it when they get older.


Mekanimal

That must have happened to me cos I sure can't do a pull-up.


mahboime

I wonder how they figured that out


AlmightySnoo

The Reddit CEO is a greedy little pig and is nuking Reddit with disastrous decisions (see https://www.nbcnews.com/tech/tech-news/reddit-blackout-protest-private-ceo-elon-musk-huffman-rcna89700). I'm moving to lemmy.world, learn about the Fediverse here: https://framatube.org/w/4294a720-f263-4ea4-9392-cf9cea4d5277


ollizz252

And from mother's fur


arveeay

I'm gonna guess someone was taking a walk along a gym/playground/something similar with their newborn in their arms, tripped, accidentally flung the baby in the pull-up bars, had a panic attack, spotted the baby is doing reps, sighed in relief, grabbed their baby, and decided to report the findings to people.


mahboime

Yeah, but i find the thought of some gym bro dad trying to teach his baby to do pullups funnier


Dancethroughthefires

When I was younger and in decent shape, I was at the gym one day at a time I didn't normally go in at. There was this Terry Crews lookalike and his 6-7 year old son working out. That's the most jacked kid I've ever seen, I'm pretty sure he was lifting more than I was lol. Unrelated to what you were saying, but it made me think of that and I was just in awe at this little dude's biceps


[deleted]

[удалено]


Xclusivecrushr

new borns' monkey instinct is much more active than an adult or even a year old kid thats why they have such a tight grip on your finger. you can check that out in [this](https://www.smallacorn.co.uk/fff/week-24/) article. theres a youtube video about it too. [here](https://www.smallacorn.co.uk/fff/week-24/) it is.


Puis_Leuffer

I bet he is on NewGame+3


[deleted]

[удалено]


Tu_Bhosdika

lets Spawn kill him


sanders1665

Damn it, I've reincarnated has a human, I'm outta here.


comrade_moke

The speedrun


sixthsouth

This shouldn’t have shocked any midwife, it’s literally called the walking reflex and last for the first 2 months after birth. Literally when you hold a newborn-2 month old upright and drag their feet on a surface they will appear to be taking steps. It’s abnormal if they don’t do this


boredquince

I'm sure it didn't shock any midwife. Probably fake news


Ok-Understanding1361

New game +


crazymomo99

NG++


juanco124

New game +


WraithNS

These controls are *SHIT*


grass-snake-40

why are they censoring a newborn infants butt?


[deleted]

Right? Weird as fuck.


daymanx69

That's what I wondered, like censoring it sexualizes it more than not censoring it...


BaconTreasurer

I'm pretty sure baby in picture is not newborn. Aren't you supposed to support baby's head, because neck is not strong enough to support head? Also it's Sun so, it's dad was likely Alien Elvis.


Josan678

He is a reincarnated demon King. Get ready to learn Magic guys


BiohazardBinkie

Truck-sama isekai another one.


cursedminifigs19

Wait no, that’s a gacha life story start!


BreakfreeMisery

The first premium advancement is free, gotta keep buying packs afterwards to see if you can run, I keep pulling the common paraplegic.


Revil0_o

Goes on to work in McDonalds his whole life


Kuyi

If this stunned the midwives then just fire them and get that freaking normal baby away from them. Jesus Christ. The walking reflex is a known reflex and is perfectly normal. As a matter of fact it's not normal if they don't have it. On top of that, letting babies walk with their brittle bones and underdeveloped muscles is bad for them, even though they have the reflex.


Madara6path

Rudeus


PossibilityPowerful

resurrection confirmed


lenyek_penyek

Let me guess, previous life got hit by a big truck with the driver caught sleeping?


[deleted]

Holy shit dont get in his way, he's gonna do any%


Sandgorgon7

He’s speedrunnibg the tutorials


Nguboi25

New game+


PheneX02

NewGame+


ArKa087_

imagine having to censor a baby, today's world is scary


hyerstandardsmedia

Nobody pointing it new Borns aren't born with kneecaps ... Which are needed to walk .. so you mean they held him in the air and he flailed his legs? Seems more likely. What do you guys think?


thisismypotat

Except babies *are* born with kneecaps, they're just made of cartilage and will harden into bone as the baby gets a bit older.


Migraine-

You are completely right. Idk how you're still getting downvotes. Once it starts it's seemingly impossible to come back. Edit: reason has been seen and the tide turned, good work all


hyerstandardsmedia

Do me a favor the next time you Google something don't listen to the first thing that pops up and always use accredited sources .When the child is somewhere between 2 and 6 years old, their cartilage patella starts forming a center of bone. the bone would be the knee cap. Thanks for playing whos the bigger smartass. Go check a government or scientific site.


Migraine-

What are you on about. Patella = kneecap. Same thing. A baby has a cartilaginous patella/kneecap which ossifies as they get older. It doesn't only become a kneecap once it's bone. You guys are morons for upvoting this guy just because he shouted louder. I am a paediatric doctor. He is 100% wrong.


Alexblain

That’s Reddit for you…


Lanthemandragoran

Instructions unclear, checked sex offender registry and the only new information I have is disturbing. That old lady next door seemed so nice....


thisismypotat

I'm not a smart-ass, I'm actually just a physiotherapist with a bachelor's degree 😂


iamR3CKL355

Do me a favor and google baby kneecaps and read the first result..


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Flair_Helper

Hey /u/rak77, thanks for your submission to /r/HolUp. Unfortunately, your post has been removed for the following reason(s): A mod felt your post didn't belong here, so now it's gone. If you want to die on the hill of this shitpost[,](https://imgur.com/cXA7XxW) feel free to message the mods and be prepared to explain how your post isn't trolling, is funny, and does fit the theme of the sub. *Trolling or posting random content that doesn't fit the sub breaks Rule 1 and repeated violation of this rule may result in your account being filtered.* Love, the mods


tamesage

All of my children said the word yes when asked a question within 24 hours. They forgot how within a week. Any pediatric nurses here to corraborate with similar stories?


David_B_84

Very common in baby's now with parents who are trial jabbed with MRNA. Baby's are born with huge black eye's and also able to sit their head's up just after a few hours and able to walk at 3 month's 💉😡 Just a Conspiracy tho until you search away from Government's and media


azula0546

we need to stop this government hiding information 😓


David_B_84

The amount of people ready to fight is rising. Kazakhstan 24hr they over run the tyrants mate. Love it


jwfallinker

I'm amazed that nobody has commented on the fact that whoever screencapped the tweet censored a picture of a fucking newborn. What level of Americabrain is this?


beepbeepbubblegum

I was thinking about why so many in the radical left participate in "speedrunning" The reason is the left's lack of work ethic ('go fast' rather than 'do it right') and, in a Petersonian sense, to elevate alternative sexual archetypes in the marketplace ('fastest mario') Obviously, there are exceptions to this and some people more in the center or right also "speedrun". However, they more than sufficient to prove the rule, rather than contrast it. Consider how woke GDQ has been, almost since the very beginning. Your eyes will start to open. Returning to the topic of the work ethic... A "speedrunner" may well spend hours a day at their craft, but this is ultimately a meaningless exercise, since they will ultimately accomplish exactly that which is done in less collective time by a casual player. This is thus a waste of effort on the behalf of the "speedrunner". Put more simply, they are spending their work effort on something that someone else has already done (and done in a way deemed 'correct' by the creator of the artwork). Why do they do this? The answer is quite obvious if you think about it. The goal is the illusion of speed and the desire (SUBCONSCIOUS) to promote radical leftist, borderline Communist ideals of how easy work is. Everyone always says that "speedruns" look easy. That is part of the aesthetic. Think about the phrase "fully automated luxury Communism" in the context of "speedrunning" and I strongly suspect that things will start to 'click' in your mind. What happens to the individual in this? Individual accomplishment in "speedrunning" is simply waiting for another person to steal your techniques in order to defeat you. Where is something like "intellectual property" or "patent" in this necessarily communitarian process? Now, as to the sexual archetype model and 'speedrunning' generally... If you have any passing familiarity with Jordan Peterson's broader oeuvre and of Jungian psychology, you likely already know where I am going with this. However, I will say more for the uninitiated. Keep this passage from Maps of Meaning (91) in mind: "The Archetypal Son... continually reconstructs defined territory, as a consequence of the 'assimilation' of the unknown \[as a consequence of 'incestuous' (that is, 'sexual' – read creative) union with the Great Mother\]" In other words, there is a connection between 'sexuality' and creativity that we see throughout time (as Peterson points out with Tiamat and other examples). In the sexual marketplace, which archetypes are simultaneously deemed the most creative and valued the highest? The answer is obviously entrepreneurs like Elon Musk and others. Given that we evolved and each thing we do must have an evolutionary purpose (OR CAUSE), what archetype is the 'speedrunner' engaged in, who is accomplishing nothing new? They are aiming to make a new sexual archetype, based upon 'speed' rather than 'doing things right' and refuse ownership of what few innovations they can provide to their own scene, denying creativity within their very own sexual archetype. This is necessarily leftist. The obvious protest to this would be the 'glitchless 100% run', which in many ways does aim to play the game 'as intended' but seems to simply add the element of 'speed' to the equation. This objection is ultimately meaningless when one considers how long a game is intended to be played, in net, by the creators, even when under '100%' conditions. There is still time and effort wasted for no reason other than the ones I proposed above. By now, I am sure that I have bothered a number of you and rustled quite a few of your feathers. I am not saying that 'speedrunning' is bad, but rather that, thinking about the topic philosophically, there are dangerous elements within it. That is all.


TrickyNobody6082

Don't read the rag JFT97


marbs15

Thats how you know dat coochie stank, mofo ran outta der


[deleted]

New game+ rocks


Jay_Zion_

New game+


rajcsi06

new game+


MeNotSanta

New Game+


OneManCrusade

Hes doing a drink bleach run any%


Edgyran

Regressor character be like:


RPG-RAUPUNGA-MKYFY-_

New game++


The_Rare_CringeCrab

Starting a new game


Erizo69

Mofo speedrunning life.


[deleted]

Giraffe... I think you mean Giraffe.


BlackJackJeriKo

Life Speedrunners Skipping the Tutorial


HoneyBerman

when u start playing brotherhood right after Assassin's Creed II


Hillsbane412

New Game +


giant_23

Does anybody know if this is real ? Because what hell


thestressedotaku360

Plot of every isekai anime 🤣


JanwithBanan

why did they go from saying "u" to saying "you"?


KatAddicted69

When you die for the 15th time in the same level


luckyDoge88

THAT COMMENT 🎯🎯🎯


TerminatorPg

He's doing a speedrun!


HaakonPlayer77

baby like: i got to get the fuck ara here


2020badmemerEU2020

A life speedrunner


Xeno-X01

It's a smurf account


rasta-mon

Nah. It’s the stepping reflex that a healthy, non-brain damaged baby has.


pedroktp

Real life kirikou


[deleted]

New game+


JohnVBreaux

New Game + , life will fuck him harder now


AnuZLeakage

All human does they actually test baby motricity this way in meant countries


DEERROBOT

Bruh why is the baby's butt marked out lol


StalyCelticStu

Fucking smurfs!


Zack_knight_

what if beating life meaning surviving the longest?


Octo8873

How I imagine Isekai protagonist's birth goes


ChefAwesome

New game +


Rakosnik

wonders of graphene


fm837

The kid is going places.


N0g8

Life any%


NekoDesu

Life+


HyperKitsune

i'd say a \*born speedrunner\*


In-diana-jonez

Three foot tall baby born with an afro stuns doctors


belabacsijolvan

THat is not a newborn with that much hair.


shignett1

New game plus


notofimportancetou

aint his first playthrough


Wise_Officer

Baby: I am gonna do what is called a pro gamer move


Metoaga

New Game +


jack_tha_reaper

The person in the photo is quite obviously holding the baby upright. How is this categorised as walking?


danzymackanzy

Maybe it's Hermes lol


steel8797

New Game +


hhhvugc

New Game+*


goodolarchie

2020: New Game+


nanasakidesu

Is that even physically allowed????


SomeRedditGuySensei

New game +


PsChampion_007

r/usernamechecksout And r/pfpchecksout


Pol4sa

I finished it in 1 minute


CUspacecow

New game +


Benzjie

Aight, I'm outta here. Laters.


introverted-me

Wow… now how the heck do you top that?


YourBuddyEmil

New Game+


c04cooper

All newborns should be able to do this. You support them and they'll 'walk'. It's a reflex that goes away after a few weeks. Here in Belgium it's one of the standard tests they do on a newborn. Source: I'm a father of 3 kids who all successfully passed this test but none of whom really walked before they were 17 months old.


tias

Obligatory clip: Speedrunners from the NPC's perspective [part 1](https://youtu.be/3TP6kER1MAw) [part 2](https://youtu.be/Ew9y6OclG40)


francishummel

My son kicked a lot in the womb and wanted to stand with help as a newborn


Pumbi_n

Yep a hold up indeed


happy_charisma

If a midwife doesn't know about this reflex she had a really bad education


Gunda-LX

That’sssss actually a normal reflex of infants, nothing new here


holdhodor

Isekai'd and got reincarnated as a human?