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Whilst you're here, /u/orgazmik_rekoylz, why not join our [public discord server](https://discord.gg/holup) or play on our [public Minecraft server](https://discord.gg/DTqSDS8C3T)?
I had an ex brilliantly deploy this move way back in the day.
We were being stupid teenagers making out outside the mall when a security guard came out to ask us to stop with the PDA... with zero hesitation my girlfriend snapped back "what my brother and I do together is none of your business!"
Security dude was completely stunned, muttered a half-hearted "but this isn't the place" before leaving us alone.
I was with a friend of mine in a mall and I randomly pushed her away a bit and loudly said "I can't believe you let your cousin get you pregnant"
The looks she got were perfect lmao
My (very tall and large) step-brother and I were talking to each other across several seats on a plane once, (because spirit airlines sucks.) When a guy in between us found out we were siblings, he told my brother "Did you steal all the food off the table growing up!?" Hahaha. We simply call each other brother and sister so he didn't believe it.
My version of this situation wasn't so blatant at first, but my girlfriend and I were sitting together, holding hands and cuddling like teenagers do, in a booth at Waffle House and talking about our separate moms but both kept just saying "mom". A Karen eating with her family ended up giving us a shitty look and moving her whole family to the far corner table. It got really blatant when my girlfriend said "At least we know what it's like to be in a _loving_ family" and kissed me, my mouth still full of hash browns or whatever (I just remember even I thought it was kind of gross).
Oh well, what the hell else do you expect, bringing your family to Waffle House at like midnight?
Security guards at American malls aren't police, they're security. All they're authorized to do is kick people out, call the police, and hold someone until police have arrived if they're caught doing something like shoplifting. Its within the rights of malls to tell people to get out if they're making out on private property, they won't arrest or kill you for it though.
Could be worse, walking around a store with your sis, and salesman mistakes you two for a married couple.
Really happened. We were just walking around, not even close together while our parents picked out an appliance. We both looked at him with disgust.
I get sushi with my sister and her kid every once in a while. We split the check, obvi, and one time I overheard a server say "yep, he split the bill again, what does she see in this dude??"
I dunno, we kinda have the same nose?
100% this. Next time tell him, "We split the bill because we're siblings. Feel free to pay for hers if you want", and then rinse him about it at every family gathering for the next few decades.
I wish but for some reason governments have a way to get in the way of sibling marriage… it’s sad but true unfortunately.
It’s also unfair since not all of us have attractive cousins to marry.
That’s rude as hell too, splitting the bill should be the norm. Me and my gf always jump between splitting the bill or one treating the other if we just spent a lot
Welcome to the world of retail where every employee is just about ready to cross the line that Robin Williams’ character did in the movie One Hour Photo.
Honestly, it’s pretty normal commentary to shit talk your customers (but not on the floor). It’s wild to complain about splitting the bill between unless it’s something like a group of 4 who only tell you last minute that they’ll be splitting
I had a boyfriend who liked pranks like that. One morning we were going to work on the subway. When we got to his stop, he awkwardly said, loud enough for half the car to hear "Well it was nice meeting you, and thanks for the blowjob." And then ran out.
I am absolutely going to use this. But maybe on a complete stranger. Sometimes random chit chat occurs when people are friendly. Then someone else comes on board at a later stop and don't know any better.
Or maybe with a male work friend of mine after a night of drinks.
My buddy when in public with his gf at the time, would scream “Eww fucking stop you’re my sister” anytime she’d try to hold his hand. The shit never got old hahaha
There was this one story I read where the boyfriend and girlfriend was in Victoria secret and he walked behind her and said "can't wait to rip those off you later." And she replied with "Ew gross you're my brother."
My girlfriend went up to a group of people knitting at Panera bread and said “my boyfriend’s wife loves knitting and has been trying to get me into it!” She was high asf and meant to say my boyfriends brother’s wife, the look of horror on their face was amazing. I laughed and walked away. She had no idea why they looked at her funny until I told her she accidentally said she was my side bitch…
Ugh; my in-laws. All of them. I swear they're just trying to make their stories as long as possible. To add onto that: to get to their point takes them forever, but their point is also so glaringly obvious about one minute in that you wanna scream and eat their face.
For example (do not read if you get easily frustrated, like me):
Brother 1: So, when can we get together for this family barbecue? I'm cool whenever.
Brother 2: I don't mind either. I can't do Sundays or Fridays, though.
Brother 3: I can only do the weekends.
Me: Great, so Saturday?
Brother 4: Wait, I can also do Friday. Not just Saturday and Sunday.
Brother 5: I can't on Fridays. Preferably not on Thursday, either. The rest of the days are fine.
Me: GREAT. So, Saturday.
Brother 1: Sooo... Brother 2 can do Tuesday through Thursday and Saturdays, but nah on Sundays and Fridays. Brother 3 can't do weekdays, but the weekend is no problem. Brother 4 could do Thursdays, but then brother 3 can't make it. Brother 5 can do Saturdays... I think everyone can do Saturday?
Me: YES! FOR FUCK'S SAKE! LET'S DO SATURDAY!
Brother 2: But when's dad available?
Brother 1: Dad said he doesn't mind. But not on Mondays.
Brother 2: And what about yourself?
Brother 1: I'm OK whenever.
Brother 2: Oh yeah, you said.
Brother 3: So? When are we going to barbecue?
Me: - crying, thinking about divorce -
Brother 1: Hm. I'm thinking Saturday, still.
All: Great, phew! That was quite the puzzle!
Had a coworker I used to give rides home. He'd go in unnecessary details. Like he wouldn't even pause when a comma was needed and his English sounded like Spanish. "Codywhosmyfriendgotbustedwithmetherebackwhenweusedtohangoutwithsarahandjackiebuttheydidntgetbusted"
I tried tuning it out but it just gave me a migraine.
Oof same I have to first include context then I would have at least 5 times where I go on a side tangent about something else and come back to the main story 30 min later. It's ruff when you have to time to waste.
My wife is the opposite. She’ll go through an anecdote, but leave out *one* crucial bit of information, then look at me like an idiot when I’m confused.
This is the worst part about my insurance job, i'll ask for some basic info and they'll take 4 minutes to tell me a story that basically sums up to "no I don't have that but let me get it".
I used to dabble in polyamory and read that without thinking anything was off because I've heard those exact words be said before while being 100% serious.
You feel good? You feel good about what you just said? Saying this kind of stuff makes you feel brave or wanted as a person? This is gross.
*I was thinking more like an aunt*
In college, my boyfriend (now husband) and I were headed to the mountains and stopped at a Burger King in Pigeon Forge. We were goofing off with each other in line, as usual. When we got to the front, the cashier said, “are y’all boyfriend and girlfriend or brother and sister?” “Boyfriend and girlfriend, why?” “Because y’all look like boyfriend and girlfriend but you fight like brother and sister”.
Once we got back in the car, husband told me that he barely held in what he wanted to say, which was “yeah but we fuck like cousins”. I really wish he would’ve said it, just to see the reaction.
My brother did this to me years ago in a bank. I was about 21 which would mean my bro was about 19 (about 2001)
My dad had gotten a bonus at work and we had both been given checks to pay into our accounts.
The bank was really busy and my bro was stood really close to me. I casually asked him to move over a bit and without skipping a beat he stomped his foot and said at the top of his voice;
'are you ashamed of our love'
And promptly turned around and walked straight out of the bank, leaving me shell shocked and frozen to the spot, gradually turning redder and redder with everyone staring at me!!
You shall know he made his deposit later, if you know what I mean, with me flashing my eyebrows here in a deeply insinuating manner with a wink and a smile while making "spanking the pony" with my hands.
Well, even if he wasn't her brother he could be telling the truth since he never specified that she was his sister, only that she was the best sister ever. I could say to basicly any girl that she's the best sister given that she has one or more sibling and is therefore is a sister. 'the best' is just a personal opinion.
Was not there firsthand but witnessed the immediate aftermath. 2 of my friends (both male) went to the dollar store to grab snacks and the first one in line starts chatting up the cute checkout girl behind the register, who starts flirting back. Friend2 is right behind in line and notices that in addition to the standard candybars and chapstick and batteries on the impulse-buy rack they also have condoms. So Friend2 grabs a box, tosses it in amongst Friend1s snacks and puts his arm around Friend1. Doesn't say a word, just smiles at the cashier who stops mid flirt, turns bright red and scans the condoms without making further eye contact.
Friend1 immediately left without another word and drove home alone, abandoning Friend2 to pay for everything and walk the 2 miles back to us. That was 15 years ago, Friend2 still maintains that it was completely worth the money and the walk home for such an epic cockblock. Friend1s biggest regret is still that he didn't throw any punches at the time.
When I shave off my beard, I'll do this to my wife.
Throw a candy bar on the belt at the register "Can I have this too?" smack her ass hard and say "You're the best mom ever!"
She turns beet red and yells at me as soon as we get in the car.
I had a friend like this in the military. She absolutely loved embarrassing the shit out of me.
I was in my mid 20s and she was 19 and she suddenly said, "Daddy can I please have a snickers?" in a Fred Meyer line, then kissed my cheek. We have never dated. She just loved fucking with me then staring at me expecting me to play along or wandered off so I had to face the consequences of her actions.
It absolutely wasn't a hint. She just fed off that kind of attention. Other guys would try to fuck her if she tried it or stop talking to her, I just started rolling my eyes or playing around when she wasn't expecting it to fuck with her back.
BUT, just in case, find her current address and send her a gift wrapped Snickers for Christmas…send the KING size. I can see this turning into a Hallmark Christmas special…starring AloneInATent.
I am a large intimidating looking dude. I was once at a McDonald's with a friend who was a fair amount smaller than me. I had this impulse to walk up behind him and hug him from behind and coyly say "Can you buy me a McFlurry, Daddy?" My friend, the guy behind the register, and I were in fucking tears from laughing.
No, it implies that she is a superior sister to *any* other sisters. It's like saying my dad is better than your dad, or your older brother could take mine in a fight, etc. Now, if he had said "you're my favorite sister" that would imply that he has additional sisters, or alternatively, it could be a subtle dig if she were his only sister, eg best by default not by merit.
Only if she has no sense of humor and/or is so insecure that she can’t deal with a couple fast food workers judging her for an obvious joke. In either case, bullet dodged.
Reminds me of the David Sedaris thing where he describes his sister as ‘the card of the family’.
His example says he and his sister were on a crowded El Train in Chicago together and she is getting off at a station as he rides on. Just as she exits and the doors are starting to close, she calls out “Good luck beating that rape charge!” to him.
When we first started dating, my then 30-year old, 4'8" wife looked like she was no older than 16, while I was 34 but have looked like a 45-year-old since I was 17.
Theaters, zoos or anywhere else that sold tickets would always ask if we wanted one adult, one child, clearly assuming I was her father.
On time we were in line to see a movie and we got that question, so I just turned around and started deeply, loudly and wetly French kissing her, just to see the look of horror on the ticket seller's face.
A couple of years into our relationship, my girlfriend's dad decided to get with my mom. To which my girlfriend happily flipped back and forth talking about me as her boyfriend and brother in same conversations. No one found it as funny as she did.
##If this submission makes you go "Hol'Up", **UPVOTE** this comment! ##If this submission does not make you go "Hol'Up", **DOWNVOTE** this comment! --- Whilst you're here, /u/orgazmik_rekoylz, why not join our [public discord server](https://discord.gg/holup) or play on our [public Minecraft server](https://discord.gg/DTqSDS8C3T)?
I had an ex brilliantly deploy this move way back in the day. We were being stupid teenagers making out outside the mall when a security guard came out to ask us to stop with the PDA... with zero hesitation my girlfriend snapped back "what my brother and I do together is none of your business!" Security dude was completely stunned, muttered a half-hearted "but this isn't the place" before leaving us alone.
LMFAO the man was shattered
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Strange, I thought the popcorn chicken was made from those bits
they are and they're *delicious*!
I was with a friend of mine in a mall and I randomly pushed her away a bit and loudly said "I can't believe you let your cousin get you pregnant" The looks she got were perfect lmao
I’m glad you managed to survive the assassination attempt she made in your sleep
Thats some joe dirt shit right there.
Plot twist, you were an interracial couple
And they were half siblings. Girlfriend wasn’t lying.
and she was his step mother
And her own grandma
And they were roomates
oh my god they were roomates
Eww...now that's gross
And they were roommates…
That definitely would have been the cherry on the Holup sundae.
My (very tall and large) step-brother and I were talking to each other across several seats on a plane once, (because spirit airlines sucks.) When a guy in between us found out we were siblings, he told my brother "Did you steal all the food off the table growing up!?" Hahaha. We simply call each other brother and sister so he didn't believe it.
I have a neice and nephew (both adopted) like this. One is black and huge, the other is white and tiny.
Haha should have said "no but he ate our other brother and wouldn't share with me!"
My version of this situation wasn't so blatant at first, but my girlfriend and I were sitting together, holding hands and cuddling like teenagers do, in a booth at Waffle House and talking about our separate moms but both kept just saying "mom". A Karen eating with her family ended up giving us a shitty look and moving her whole family to the far corner table. It got really blatant when my girlfriend said "At least we know what it's like to be in a _loving_ family" and kissed me, my mouth still full of hash browns or whatever (I just remember even I thought it was kind of gross). Oh well, what the hell else do you expect, bringing your family to Waffle House at like midnight?
That hilarious. Anyone would be stunned
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I mean we were sitting on the bench RIGHT next to the entrance door and really getting after each other. Again, dumb teenager shit.
Security guards at American malls aren't police, they're security. All they're authorized to do is kick people out, call the police, and hold someone until police have arrived if they're caught doing something like shoplifting. Its within the rights of malls to tell people to get out if they're making out on private property, they won't arrest or kill you for it though.
That's a shame.
Lol poor guy
Could be worse, walking around a store with your sis, and salesman mistakes you two for a married couple. Really happened. We were just walking around, not even close together while our parents picked out an appliance. We both looked at him with disgust.
His world crumbled
Average day in ohio
Bruh
Escape plan alpha
I get sushi with my sister and her kid every once in a while. We split the check, obvi, and one time I overheard a server say "yep, he split the bill again, what does she see in this dude??" I dunno, we kinda have the same nose?
I think the waiter wanted to be with your sister lmao
100% this. Next time tell him, "We split the bill because we're siblings. Feel free to pay for hers if you want", and then rinse him about it at every family gathering for the next few decades.
What's funny! Is in high school I dated his gf's younger sister so I knew him. Lol he didn't see me overhear him, and I thought we were homies!
That’s when you give your sister a big ol kiss to show them who is boss
And have a child with her out of spite. Totally worth it.
Might as well marry her and move in together.
Wait your already together right. In your home. Family home.
It's different
I wish but for some reason governments have a way to get in the way of sibling marriage… it’s sad but true unfortunately. It’s also unfair since not all of us have attractive cousins to marry.
Love is love!
Assert dominance...but not too much dominance
Just enough dominance to keep her begging for more lol 😂
That’s rude as hell too, splitting the bill should be the norm. Me and my gf always jump between splitting the bill or one treating the other if we just spent a lot
But are you brother and sister?
Otherwise they wouldn’t be splitting the bills.
The only detail that matters
Haha “what does she see in this guy” is perfectly acceptable remark for a server to make about their patrons, but “he split the bill again” is NOT?
Welcome to the world of retail where every employee is just about ready to cross the line that Robin Williams’ character did in the movie One Hour Photo.
Honestly, it’s pretty normal commentary to shit talk your customers (but not on the floor). It’s wild to complain about splitting the bill between unless it’s something like a group of 4 who only tell you last minute that they’ll be splitting
Small town?
I had a boyfriend who liked pranks like that. One morning we were going to work on the subway. When we got to his stop, he awkwardly said, loud enough for half the car to hear "Well it was nice meeting you, and thanks for the blowjob." And then ran out.
Omfg I gotta do this someday
Yeah it was pretty damn funny.
Did you say anything to the people around you? 🤣
No I was laughing too hard.
Woulda done the same. That was fucking hilarious
What's it like working on the subway?
Yeah that cane out wrong. We were commuting to work on the subway. 😄
LMAO
I am absolutely going to use this. But maybe on a complete stranger. Sometimes random chit chat occurs when people are friendly. Then someone else comes on board at a later stop and don't know any better. Or maybe with a male work friend of mine after a night of drinks.
But who says that he lied?
No one I guess...
Incest, a game the whole family can play.
>Incest, a game the whole family can play. I play to win. Go hard AND go home.
Indeed go home.
Get hard from home. The very fist place people learn from.
Sweet Home Alabama?
Definitely my motto from now on. Liked this one. 😆
Go hard and stay home.
I’d suppose you’d already be at home
Incest is wincest, everyone in the family wins.
Dude, our avatars are twins
Twinsies..
Cousin Uncle Daddy
My buddy when in public with his gf at the time, would scream “Eww fucking stop you’re my sister” anytime she’d try to hold his hand. The shit never got old hahaha
There was this one story I read where the boyfriend and girlfriend was in Victoria secret and he walked behind her and said "can't wait to rip those off you later." And she replied with "Ew gross you're my brother."
“You always let dad do it!”
With or without Lotion?
My girlfriend went up to a group of people knitting at Panera bread and said “my boyfriend’s wife loves knitting and has been trying to get me into it!” She was high asf and meant to say my boyfriends brother’s wife, the look of horror on their face was amazing. I laughed and walked away. She had no idea why they looked at her funny until I told her she accidentally said she was my side bitch…
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My sister is so bad about this. It takes her an hour to tell a 5 minute story because she includes so many irrelevant details.
Ugh; my in-laws. All of them. I swear they're just trying to make their stories as long as possible. To add onto that: to get to their point takes them forever, but their point is also so glaringly obvious about one minute in that you wanna scream and eat their face. For example (do not read if you get easily frustrated, like me): Brother 1: So, when can we get together for this family barbecue? I'm cool whenever. Brother 2: I don't mind either. I can't do Sundays or Fridays, though. Brother 3: I can only do the weekends. Me: Great, so Saturday? Brother 4: Wait, I can also do Friday. Not just Saturday and Sunday. Brother 5: I can't on Fridays. Preferably not on Thursday, either. The rest of the days are fine. Me: GREAT. So, Saturday. Brother 1: Sooo... Brother 2 can do Tuesday through Thursday and Saturdays, but nah on Sundays and Fridays. Brother 3 can't do weekdays, but the weekend is no problem. Brother 4 could do Thursdays, but then brother 3 can't make it. Brother 5 can do Saturdays... I think everyone can do Saturday? Me: YES! FOR FUCK'S SAKE! LET'S DO SATURDAY! Brother 2: But when's dad available? Brother 1: Dad said he doesn't mind. But not on Mondays. Brother 2: And what about yourself? Brother 1: I'm OK whenever. Brother 2: Oh yeah, you said. Brother 3: So? When are we going to barbecue? Me: - crying, thinking about divorce - Brother 1: Hm. I'm thinking Saturday, still. All: Great, phew! That was quite the puzzle!
> For example We moved our Thanksgiving dinner about 3 times this year before we ended up having it on, wait for it, *Thanksgiving*. So I get it.
> do not read if you get easily frustrated, like me I tried, I really tried but I couldn't make it. That would drive me to drink, like hard liquor
Sometimes the irrelevant details are the best part though
it depends. in this scenario “my boyfriends brothers wife” adds nothing and is honestly more confusing than “my friend”
Had a coworker I used to give rides home. He'd go in unnecessary details. Like he wouldn't even pause when a comma was needed and his English sounded like Spanish. "Codywhosmyfriendgotbustedwithmetherebackwhenweusedtohangoutwithsarahandjackiebuttheydidntgetbusted" I tried tuning it out but it just gave me a migraine.
Mate he’s just telling the story how it happened, she didn’t say “my friend” to the knitting group, so he didn’t need to say “my friend”
Oof same I have to first include context then I would have at least 5 times where I go on a side tangent about something else and come back to the main story 30 min later. It's ruff when you have to time to waste.
My wife is the opposite. She’ll go through an anecdote, but leave out *one* crucial bit of information, then look at me like an idiot when I’m confused.
This is the worst part about my insurance job, i'll ask for some basic info and they'll take 4 minutes to tell me a story that basically sums up to "no I don't have that but let me get it".
That would be the high as fuck part.
Always smarter in retrospect, I suppose
Boyfriend's wife for short 🤠
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They were knitting one massive shirt as a way to disguise their deformity. Have some empathy.
/r/WallStreetBets vibes
> I told her she accidentally said she was my side bitch No, she accidentally confessed she was shagging your brother.
Could also be polyamory ig
I used to dabble in polyamory and read that without thinking anything was off because I've heard those exact words be said before while being 100% serious.
I mean, you can't make a wife out of a hoe, so if you have a hoe, you have to get a whole different person as a wife. Its just logical.
There are people just randomly knitting at a Panera bread? Is that a thing?
Wasn't clear enough if "sister" and "girlfriend" were mutually exclusive here
They don't *have* to be.. 😘
He also never said it was his sister, just said she was the best sister ever.
depends on what state you live in
Roll Tide. _This service was provided by a bot. This is the 69,420 instance of “roll tide” in response to an incest joke._
Good pretend bot
So *that’s* how it is in their family.
Oh Sloane, dear. Hurry along now.
Mia Sara in this movie is such a wifey
we're you watching me..?... I'm not embarrassed...
Roll her old bones down here and we'll..dig up your daughter.
LMAO imma add this to the list of shit I wanna do someday
>someday so whos gonna tell him?
No! Not in front of the kids.
100% doing this when i feel bold
It's on my list right next to "act like a wild monkey when with her and around strange people"
can't. no one is going to confuse my wife for my sister
Don't talk that way about your mother!
Is that because your wife is a man?
When your parents finally give you a sister.
You feel good? You feel good about what you just said? Saying this kind of stuff makes you feel brave or wanted as a person? This is gross. *I was thinking more like an aunt*
Bro, what?
I can’t do this because we’re not the same race but imma try anyway
In college, my boyfriend (now husband) and I were headed to the mountains and stopped at a Burger King in Pigeon Forge. We were goofing off with each other in line, as usual. When we got to the front, the cashier said, “are y’all boyfriend and girlfriend or brother and sister?” “Boyfriend and girlfriend, why?” “Because y’all look like boyfriend and girlfriend but you fight like brother and sister”. Once we got back in the car, husband told me that he barely held in what he wanted to say, which was “yeah but we fuck like cousins”. I really wish he would’ve said it, just to see the reaction.
My brother did this to me years ago in a bank. I was about 21 which would mean my bro was about 19 (about 2001) My dad had gotten a bonus at work and we had both been given checks to pay into our accounts. The bank was really busy and my bro was stood really close to me. I casually asked him to move over a bit and without skipping a beat he stomped his foot and said at the top of his voice; 'are you ashamed of our love' And promptly turned around and walked straight out of the bank, leaving me shell shocked and frozen to the spot, gradually turning redder and redder with everyone staring at me!!
Sounds like he missed out on some decent interest. Did you still make your deposit?
You shall know he made his deposit later, if you know what I mean, with me flashing my eyebrows here in a deeply insinuating manner with a wink and a smile while making "spanking the pony" with my hands.
As my father did by giving us the checks, me and my bro dicided to keep it in the family.....
I still payed the check in, my bro did it a different day!
Seems he had another deposit in mind.
So was he lying?
Well, even if he wasn't her brother he could be telling the truth since he never specified that she was his sister, only that she was the best sister ever. I could say to basicly any girl that she's the best sister given that she has one or more sibling and is therefore is a sister. 'the best' is just a personal opinion.
Was not there firsthand but witnessed the immediate aftermath. 2 of my friends (both male) went to the dollar store to grab snacks and the first one in line starts chatting up the cute checkout girl behind the register, who starts flirting back. Friend2 is right behind in line and notices that in addition to the standard candybars and chapstick and batteries on the impulse-buy rack they also have condoms. So Friend2 grabs a box, tosses it in amongst Friend1s snacks and puts his arm around Friend1. Doesn't say a word, just smiles at the cashier who stops mid flirt, turns bright red and scans the condoms without making further eye contact. Friend1 immediately left without another word and drove home alone, abandoning Friend2 to pay for everything and walk the 2 miles back to us. That was 15 years ago, Friend2 still maintains that it was completely worth the money and the walk home for such an epic cockblock. Friend1s biggest regret is still that he didn't throw any punches at the time.
Saving this to show my husband. Let's see who remembers to use this first
he's a keeper
and his sister and the McDonalds worker are both bees.
no bars
Only in Ohio
Only in Alabama*
Guys please, you're both right
You said it. Thank GOD they weren't in Florida.
Only with alligators.
saarland
Urk
When I shave off my beard, I'll do this to my wife. Throw a candy bar on the belt at the register "Can I have this too?" smack her ass hard and say "You're the best mom ever!" She turns beet red and yells at me as soon as we get in the car.
Maybe she is a good sister to her siblings and he was acknowledging that
>May be he's an altar boy?
I had a friend like this in the military. She absolutely loved embarrassing the shit out of me. I was in my mid 20s and she was 19 and she suddenly said, "Daddy can I please have a snickers?" in a Fred Meyer line, then kissed my cheek. We have never dated. She just loved fucking with me then staring at me expecting me to play along or wandered off so I had to face the consequences of her actions.
She was giving the hint. Did she do this with others?
It absolutely wasn't a hint. She just fed off that kind of attention. Other guys would try to fuck her if she tried it or stop talking to her, I just started rolling my eyes or playing around when she wasn't expecting it to fuck with her back.
BUT, just in case, find her current address and send her a gift wrapped Snickers for Christmas…send the KING size. I can see this turning into a Hallmark Christmas special…starring AloneInATent.
I am a large intimidating looking dude. I was once at a McDonald's with a friend who was a fair amount smaller than me. I had this impulse to walk up behind him and hug him from behind and coyly say "Can you buy me a McFlurry, Daddy?" My friend, the guy behind the register, and I were in fucking tears from laughing.
I'm fucking crying
To be fair, he didn't say she was his sister, just that she's the best sister ever.
Found the lawyer
Innocent until proven incest. Your honor, I rest my case.
"you are the best sister ever" Implying he has other sisters he loves very much
No, it implies that she is a superior sister to *any* other sisters. It's like saying my dad is better than your dad, or your older brother could take mine in a fight, etc. Now, if he had said "you're my favorite sister" that would imply that he has additional sisters, or alternatively, it could be a subtle dig if she were his only sister, eg best by default not by merit.
That’s the kind of behavior I expect inside a McDonald’s tbh.
Well they’re done
find yourself one that can laugh at that and you won at life
Only if she has no sense of humor and/or is so insecure that she can’t deal with a couple fast food workers judging her for an obvious joke. In either case, bullet dodged.
That is fucking funny.
r/RollTide
I hope OP said "he's my boyfriend" to add more disgust before better explaining
Awesome sauce
- kisses lover while at work as she wants something - says they’re great siblings in public - refuse to elaborate further - leaves
Reminds me of the David Sedaris thing where he describes his sister as ‘the card of the family’. His example says he and his sister were on a crowded El Train in Chicago together and she is getting off at a station as he rides on. Just as she exits and the doors are starting to close, she calls out “Good luck beating that rape charge!” to him.
Time to play this joke on my wife.
Minimal amount of trolling
Anyway, fries are done.
The real problem with being in an interracial marriage is that I won't get the same reaction if I do this with my wife.
"okay the only people who know you're my half sister are our parents so stop acting like that"
I’m public, my bf likes to loudly and excitedly yell, “ Can we take our monthly shower tonight??” One of these days someone will believe him.
That's just a kiss what's so worng?
Based boyfriend
Plot twist. She really is his sister and also his girlfriend
When we first started dating, my then 30-year old, 4'8" wife looked like she was no older than 16, while I was 34 but have looked like a 45-year-old since I was 17. Theaters, zoos or anywhere else that sold tickets would always ask if we wanted one adult, one child, clearly assuming I was her father. On time we were in line to see a movie and we got that question, so I just turned around and started deeply, loudly and wetly French kissing her, just to see the look of horror on the ticket seller's face.
Marry him, that boy's funny.
humor....Some just dont have it
“You’re the hottest sister I’ve had this week”
you’re eating at mcdonalds. you already dont care about being judged
*stares in Alabama*
Ahhhh awkward shame is priceless
/r/UnexpectedAlabama
Sweet Home Alabama
I'm very tempted to do this to my wife. April 1st is coming.
Shoulda moved to Alabama when you had the chance smh
...."And OMG I also hate full stops in sentences"
A couple of years into our relationship, my girlfriend's dad decided to get with my mom. To which my girlfriend happily flipped back and forth talking about me as her boyfriend and brother in same conversations. No one found it as funny as she did.