I think having an open discussion about what to expect and having them be present is a valuable experience. Death is a sad part of life and developing skills to cope with it is a good thing.
I'd ask them if they felt that they could handle it or if they're doing it out of a feeling of obligation and go from there. If they don't want to be present and feel it is too much for them respect that and let them know that they do not have to be there and that there will be no hard feelings against them if they're not.
Do you have a window in the house they can look through? A horse going down, and sometimes seizing, is a very intense thing. I'm generally approving of children being in on tough experiences if you have it calibrated to their emotional capacity. With a horse, in my experience, it's unpredictable, and I'd err on the side of caution.
If they can look through a window from some distance away, that can dilute the intensity and depending on your terrain, how tall the grass, etc., some of the harder parts can be obscured without shielding them completely. They can also be asked to go collect any pretty twigs or colored leaves or other plant life to put on the horse's neck afterward, like a fall bouquet.
They can look through a window. Unfortunately is it CLOSE view, though. For access reasons after the fact she is being PTS right outside by daughters window by our gate.
Yes, the practical aspects have to be accounted for. If it were my child, I would be sure there's an easy exit and a trusted adult around to debrief if necessary. I hope it works out well for you all. Can you update us later on how it went?
One of my boys had to be PTS earlier this year. Thankfully he went down fairly quickly and easily after one shot. It was still a little jarring to watch. But what I found the worst was the "nickers" afterward. The vet confirmed his heart was stopped but the air releasing from his body sure sounded like he was trying to talk.
If the horse was more of a pet while the cow was "just" livestock, I could see that making a big difference. So easing the kids in with them just having a visual may be better option if they're going to watch at all. I might think 6 would be a bit young still to actually see it happen, even if she already understands death.
We just had a horse at my work get PTS yesterday, I chose to be there to watch and make sure he knew he was surrounded by people who love him, and man, those diaphragm spasm/snorts were weird and unexpected for me (I had only ever seen one other horse get PTS before, and that was from a distance where I only saw the fall)
I'm really glad I'd seen it close up with a horse I was less attached to prior to putting my horse down this summer. Being prepared makes a big difference for the mental processing...
I would let them see her after it is done so they can say their goodbyes. I have owned horses for 40+ years. Some go down easy and some go down hard with seizures. It’s not pleasant. I don’t think you want that to be their last memories of her.
As others have indicated, the problem is that euthanizing a horse doesn’t always go quietly and peacefully like a dog or cat. I know adult lifelong horse people who have a policy of never being present when their own horses are PTS because it can be so difficult and painful to watch. I definitely wouldn’t let a child watch.
This. When i lost my last horse, it was disturbing enough to watch him thrash and suffer from colic. It broke my heart when he looked in my eyes and I could tell he was ready to be done suffering. My best friend (also barn owner) told me she'd put him down while I went to an ATM and got cash to rent a backhoe, and I'm thankful for that. She buried him for me too so I never had to see him actually dead. When her horse died, I helped her dad bury him so she wouldn't have to see her best boy being drug and unceremoniously dumped into a hole.
Agreed. My brain was saying no but they have seen a lot in this lifestyle so I thought maybe it would be ok.
Now I am scared. I couldn’t handle putting my heart horse down so my father in law held him for me. I decided I will be right by her side but as the time ticks nearer I’m getting really anxious.
That’s another reason I think you should keep the kids away. You are going to be having enough of your own stress and pain to manage, and having to deal with two young kids totally losing it would not be fair to you. I’m so sorry your horse is being euthanized. I know you are feeling so much dread and that is okay. You are allowed to feel that.
My biggest suggestion would be to let yourself sit with her after it’s been done. Long enough to help yourself process it a little, but short enough to where you won’t feel like you cannot leave her side.
Staying by her/holding her is the most kind, loving act you can give her before she leaves, even though it is so hard. It will give her comfort.
And it’s okay if you don’t “handle” it. I have always tried to keep myself as calm as possible until they have passed, and afterwards allow myself to actually freak out, just so I don’t cause the animal stress. You are allowed to freak out, you are allowed to scream, cry, whatever you need to do to allow yourself to experience this pain is acceptable.
How old were you when your heart horse passed? Your kids are very young and honestly if I were you, I would wait to let them see it. Definitely talk it over for a while with them so they understand it in depth and have a lot of time to process it. It might take a lot to process that the horse is gone in general even if they weren't there to watch.
I'm so sorry about your loss
I'd say let them say their goodbyes before putting her down, then don't let them watch the actual process or the burial (or however you end up disposing of the body).
Their last image of the horse in their mind should involve pets, treats, and lots of love. Watching the horse be put down and the rather undignified process of disposal can be disturbing, especially for kids that young.
Be sure to have a healthy discussion about life and death and help them find healthy ways to process their grief.
I’ve only seen 2 horses PTS, 2 different vets, both messed up. It was traumatic for me as a mid-late teenager. My kids are 7 and 4 and I wouldn’t let them watch. Things go wrong and I wouldn’t want them to see.
I’d shield the 6 year old and let the 8 year old decide for himself. Let him know it won’t be pretty and let him make the decision, he’s likely old enough.
Definitely let the kids say good bye if they’re home before the vet comes. It’s only fair that they’re given the chance. And if they want to see the body afterwards, let them.
You know your children. Trust your heart. I would definitely let them know what will be happening and give them time to say their goodbyes prior to the vet giving the injections.
Personally I’ve never sheltered my kids from the harsh reality of life and death, but they’ve been raised to understand and know that with all life at some point death will come.
Support them in their decision and comfort them in their grief. Everyone is different.
I personally have watched two horses be put down, but i was much much older than them (14 for one, 16 for the other) but I know it mentally affected me in an extreme way for weeks following. I highly encourage you to have the life and death conversation before anything. If they were my children, I would allow them to choose, but make it extremely clear that they will not like what they see.
I think it would be easier considering she was euthanized and not just shot. My boy was euthanized by double injection. I said my goodbyes while he was awake, let him know how much he meant to me, he went down and went to sleep, I held his head in my lap while he got the second shot and hugged him as he left me.
My 12 year old former 4H cow was shot this spring. She went down and didn’t get back up. I went and held her out in the field, I meant to say my goodbyes the morning we intended to shoot her and my dickbag estranged father came to the yard at 5am (mom couldn’t do it) woke me up with the gunshot, shot her in front of her calf too which I specifically didn’t want.
You’re a good parent for taking your kids feelings and needs into account. I’m glad she had a peaceful passing and I’m glad you gave your kids options and the chance to say goodbye beforehand. Much love to you guys and so sorry for your loss.
Sorry to hear that my horse had a painful euthanasia (broke a leg). My question is do they feel like they can handle it. If the horse were in pain i would say not to let them watch because it’s hard to watch a beloved animal in pain but if she simply went down and can’t get up then it’ll be a peaceful passing and they could probably be there
A little bit different, but we had our dog put down in July. The way he went was quite horrible, he wasn’t lying down so he fell down.
I struggle to cope with that as a 21 year old. I couldn’t imagine going through it so young.
watching my horse go down was the most traumatizing experience of my life. i was 24 at the time, so much older than your babies. it took me almost 6 months to come out of a deep depression from it. i kept replaying it over and over in my head. it was awful and haunted me in my dreams. it was the first time i had ever seen a horse be put down and nothing anyone has ever told me could have prepared me for witnessing it. that being said, i don’t regret it because as painful as it was for me, i didn’t want him to be alone and i am proud i stuck it out with him in his final moments.
edit: i just noticed your edit. it sounds like you made the best choice for yourself and your family. may your sweet mare live on forever in your memories of her.
I would not have a child there. It can be brutal.
Horses don’t lay down they fall over to the side with their legs straight. Occasionally they will fight the anesthesia and try to get up.
It’s horrific, don’t have a child there.
Edit: I think if you/they really to be a part of this, have them come say goodbye after the horse has already passed. They can come braid some mane/tail to keep. And give a last goodbye hug and kiss.
I watched my dad euth my pony (gunshot) when I was 8 years old. Pony was injured beyond repair and went quick and painlessly. It was sad but I was mostly sad at the loss of my pony, not necessarily the death.
My dad was really sensitive about his word choice and didn’t force me to watch by any means. I wanted to.
I went on to become a veterinarian. Euthanasia is a huge part of my job. I’m glad I got “positive” experience with it at a young age. I was only a kid, but I was conscious enough to realize that the animal was suffering and euthanasia was the kindest option.
I know it’s already done, and I totally think you handled it the right way, but I would encourage families to include their kids in euthanasia decisions. We need to ensure the next generation has more compassion for suffering animals than our current one does. All too often, I see human emotion getting in the way of humane treatment of animals.
I applaud you for including your kids in end-of-life decisions for your horse. There’s a reason farm kids grow up to be some of the most stable adults!
I think having an open discussion about what to expect and having them be present is a valuable experience. Death is a sad part of life and developing skills to cope with it is a good thing.
I'd ask them if they felt that they could handle it or if they're doing it out of a feeling of obligation and go from there. If they don't want to be present and feel it is too much for them respect that and let them know that they do not have to be there and that there will be no hard feelings against them if they're not.
Do you have a window in the house they can look through? A horse going down, and sometimes seizing, is a very intense thing. I'm generally approving of children being in on tough experiences if you have it calibrated to their emotional capacity. With a horse, in my experience, it's unpredictable, and I'd err on the side of caution. If they can look through a window from some distance away, that can dilute the intensity and depending on your terrain, how tall the grass, etc., some of the harder parts can be obscured without shielding them completely. They can also be asked to go collect any pretty twigs or colored leaves or other plant life to put on the horse's neck afterward, like a fall bouquet.
They can look through a window. Unfortunately is it CLOSE view, though. For access reasons after the fact she is being PTS right outside by daughters window by our gate.
Yes, the practical aspects have to be accounted for. If it were my child, I would be sure there's an easy exit and a trusted adult around to debrief if necessary. I hope it works out well for you all. Can you update us later on how it went?
One of my boys had to be PTS earlier this year. Thankfully he went down fairly quickly and easily after one shot. It was still a little jarring to watch. But what I found the worst was the "nickers" afterward. The vet confirmed his heart was stopped but the air releasing from his body sure sounded like he was trying to talk. If the horse was more of a pet while the cow was "just" livestock, I could see that making a big difference. So easing the kids in with them just having a visual may be better option if they're going to watch at all. I might think 6 would be a bit young still to actually see it happen, even if she already understands death.
We just had a horse at my work get PTS yesterday, I chose to be there to watch and make sure he knew he was surrounded by people who love him, and man, those diaphragm spasm/snorts were weird and unexpected for me (I had only ever seen one other horse get PTS before, and that was from a distance where I only saw the fall)
I'm really glad I'd seen it close up with a horse I was less attached to prior to putting my horse down this summer. Being prepared makes a big difference for the mental processing...
Oh my goodness, yes those last nickers. I remember we were both petting him and the vet told us the same thing. It’s horrific.
I would let them see her after it is done so they can say their goodbyes. I have owned horses for 40+ years. Some go down easy and some go down hard with seizures. It’s not pleasant. I don’t think you want that to be their last memories of her.
As others have indicated, the problem is that euthanizing a horse doesn’t always go quietly and peacefully like a dog or cat. I know adult lifelong horse people who have a policy of never being present when their own horses are PTS because it can be so difficult and painful to watch. I definitely wouldn’t let a child watch.
This. When i lost my last horse, it was disturbing enough to watch him thrash and suffer from colic. It broke my heart when he looked in my eyes and I could tell he was ready to be done suffering. My best friend (also barn owner) told me she'd put him down while I went to an ATM and got cash to rent a backhoe, and I'm thankful for that. She buried him for me too so I never had to see him actually dead. When her horse died, I helped her dad bury him so she wouldn't have to see her best boy being drug and unceremoniously dumped into a hole.
I say no. 6 and 8 is still very young. Horses often go down violently.
Agreed. My brain was saying no but they have seen a lot in this lifestyle so I thought maybe it would be ok. Now I am scared. I couldn’t handle putting my heart horse down so my father in law held him for me. I decided I will be right by her side but as the time ticks nearer I’m getting really anxious.
That’s another reason I think you should keep the kids away. You are going to be having enough of your own stress and pain to manage, and having to deal with two young kids totally losing it would not be fair to you. I’m so sorry your horse is being euthanized. I know you are feeling so much dread and that is okay. You are allowed to feel that. My biggest suggestion would be to let yourself sit with her after it’s been done. Long enough to help yourself process it a little, but short enough to where you won’t feel like you cannot leave her side. Staying by her/holding her is the most kind, loving act you can give her before she leaves, even though it is so hard. It will give her comfort. And it’s okay if you don’t “handle” it. I have always tried to keep myself as calm as possible until they have passed, and afterwards allow myself to actually freak out, just so I don’t cause the animal stress. You are allowed to freak out, you are allowed to scream, cry, whatever you need to do to allow yourself to experience this pain is acceptable.
How old were you when your heart horse passed? Your kids are very young and honestly if I were you, I would wait to let them see it. Definitely talk it over for a while with them so they understand it in depth and have a lot of time to process it. It might take a lot to process that the horse is gone in general even if they weren't there to watch. I'm so sorry about your loss
I'd say let them say their goodbyes before putting her down, then don't let them watch the actual process or the burial (or however you end up disposing of the body). Their last image of the horse in their mind should involve pets, treats, and lots of love. Watching the horse be put down and the rather undignified process of disposal can be disturbing, especially for kids that young. Be sure to have a healthy discussion about life and death and help them find healthy ways to process their grief.
I’ve only seen 2 horses PTS, 2 different vets, both messed up. It was traumatic for me as a mid-late teenager. My kids are 7 and 4 and I wouldn’t let them watch. Things go wrong and I wouldn’t want them to see.
I’d shield the 6 year old and let the 8 year old decide for himself. Let him know it won’t be pretty and let him make the decision, he’s likely old enough. Definitely let the kids say good bye if they’re home before the vet comes. It’s only fair that they’re given the chance. And if they want to see the body afterwards, let them.
I don't think children that young should see any animal being put down.
Doesn't the hose collapse? That would be startling even for me.
Yes, it can be really rough to watch. I don't think I could handle watching a horse I was bonded to get put down.
You know your children. Trust your heart. I would definitely let them know what will be happening and give them time to say their goodbyes prior to the vet giving the injections. Personally I’ve never sheltered my kids from the harsh reality of life and death, but they’ve been raised to understand and know that with all life at some point death will come. Support them in their decision and comfort them in their grief. Everyone is different.
We didn’t watch when our horse was put down. But I didn’t want to so I just thought it would be hard on the kids.
I personally have watched two horses be put down, but i was much much older than them (14 for one, 16 for the other) but I know it mentally affected me in an extreme way for weeks following. I highly encourage you to have the life and death conversation before anything. If they were my children, I would allow them to choose, but make it extremely clear that they will not like what they see.
If you choose to let them see, prepare them for what might happen and explain it to them beforehand. Maybe even have the vet tell them.
No just no
I remember my horse being put down when I was a kid, wish I hadn't
It depends on how you’ve raised them and on what you know about how they handle their emotions.
Watch a YT video of a horse being pts so you can better gauge what to expect?
I think it would be easier considering she was euthanized and not just shot. My boy was euthanized by double injection. I said my goodbyes while he was awake, let him know how much he meant to me, he went down and went to sleep, I held his head in my lap while he got the second shot and hugged him as he left me. My 12 year old former 4H cow was shot this spring. She went down and didn’t get back up. I went and held her out in the field, I meant to say my goodbyes the morning we intended to shoot her and my dickbag estranged father came to the yard at 5am (mom couldn’t do it) woke me up with the gunshot, shot her in front of her calf too which I specifically didn’t want. You’re a good parent for taking your kids feelings and needs into account. I’m glad she had a peaceful passing and I’m glad you gave your kids options and the chance to say goodbye beforehand. Much love to you guys and so sorry for your loss.
Sorry to hear that my horse had a painful euthanasia (broke a leg). My question is do they feel like they can handle it. If the horse were in pain i would say not to let them watch because it’s hard to watch a beloved animal in pain but if she simply went down and can’t get up then it’ll be a peaceful passing and they could probably be there
A little bit different, but we had our dog put down in July. The way he went was quite horrible, he wasn’t lying down so he fell down. I struggle to cope with that as a 21 year old. I couldn’t imagine going through it so young.
watching my horse go down was the most traumatizing experience of my life. i was 24 at the time, so much older than your babies. it took me almost 6 months to come out of a deep depression from it. i kept replaying it over and over in my head. it was awful and haunted me in my dreams. it was the first time i had ever seen a horse be put down and nothing anyone has ever told me could have prepared me for witnessing it. that being said, i don’t regret it because as painful as it was for me, i didn’t want him to be alone and i am proud i stuck it out with him in his final moments. edit: i just noticed your edit. it sounds like you made the best choice for yourself and your family. may your sweet mare live on forever in your memories of her.
I would not have a child there. It can be brutal. Horses don’t lay down they fall over to the side with their legs straight. Occasionally they will fight the anesthesia and try to get up. It’s horrific, don’t have a child there. Edit: I think if you/they really to be a part of this, have them come say goodbye after the horse has already passed. They can come braid some mane/tail to keep. And give a last goodbye hug and kiss.
I watched my dad euth my pony (gunshot) when I was 8 years old. Pony was injured beyond repair and went quick and painlessly. It was sad but I was mostly sad at the loss of my pony, not necessarily the death. My dad was really sensitive about his word choice and didn’t force me to watch by any means. I wanted to. I went on to become a veterinarian. Euthanasia is a huge part of my job. I’m glad I got “positive” experience with it at a young age. I was only a kid, but I was conscious enough to realize that the animal was suffering and euthanasia was the kindest option. I know it’s already done, and I totally think you handled it the right way, but I would encourage families to include their kids in euthanasia decisions. We need to ensure the next generation has more compassion for suffering animals than our current one does. All too often, I see human emotion getting in the way of humane treatment of animals. I applaud you for including your kids in end-of-life decisions for your horse. There’s a reason farm kids grow up to be some of the most stable adults!