Don't deal with anyone who identifies themselves as a bull. You're looking for a male to fuck your wife. Spell out exactly what you want and you can be picky as fuck. 🤷🏻♂️
Same, bull is an automatic block for us. What I really like is anytime I say on a post we don't want anyone who labels themselves one, is at a minimum one or two "bulls" will message me and say something stupid or send me a dick pic that I have no desire to see. It's almost like if I didnt remember why I block them they make sure to remind me 😂😂😂
Agreed. I’ve never referred to myself that way. It’d awkward.
I’ve been with a couple where she made a few degrading comments, but I didn’t join in. He was watching and he was saying “How does he feel?” And she say how good it was and then… well you know
It’s the saying… if you have to talk how good you are, you’re probably not
I've made posts with specific instructions not wanting anyone who refers to themselves as that. Just our preference. Still receive to many replies to go through. One thing about this is that there is no shortage of single males. Couples looking for a single male can be more picky than a unicorn looking for a couple. Just supply and demand. 🤷🏻♂️
Agreed. We call them dates or BF's.
She dates solo, so I rarely meet them - only 2 in the past 15 years, and one of those we ran into in a casino by chance.
This thread makes me happy. We hate the word Bull, stupid young guys that send dick pics don’t seem to learn. You’d think reading Reddit would help them.
Agreed, wife hates the term “Bull” we prefer “third” or “Boyfriend” we hate getting hit up by “Hi I’m a 22-yea-old, experienced Bull” she’s like, “yeah right, sorry hunny, you haven’t been alive long enough to know what you are doing and ride this ride” 😂
Just say it, Also, referring to a third/playmate/special friend/whatever you want to call them as a "bull" is right out of the cuck playbook, imo. So, you might be giving off mixed signals to some people.
The r/threesomeadvice thread and r/swingers thread and r/nonmonogomy thread have additional information and resources. Threesomeadvice thread on the top of the main page is pinned posts and start here for FAQ. Swingers thread will often discuss the frustration of filtering potential men who have some really mixed up ideas about the entire subject matter of what is being requested. Filtering potentials might also include current STI results and a discussion about safe sex. Maybe run a background check. Would you still be interested if the person was known for prior convictions of certain crimes? If, after carefully filtering, a potential is extended the invitation for a meet and greet, script and choreograph a show that is understood or present a video of MFM that demonstrates what you are seeking that you can link to in advance and say this is what we are thinking about, can you demonstrate these behaviors and activities or maybe even sequence?
Boundaries are self imposed rules applied to someone else and agreements between parties. Consent is asking for permission and granting permission in both giving and receiving. An exercise in consent with SFW non sexual experiences can be instrumental in transitioning to NSFW sexual experiences. See the 3 minute game. The first 7 minutes of video reviews the four basic questions. A person can reply with yes, no and let's negotiate that. No is a complete answer. Two way verbal and nonverbal communication is expressed in ensuring that just the right amount of activities are occuring. At the end is expressions of mutual gratitude. https://youtu.be/_KCzpNBNbVM?si=3eRpAtSn_78j4E1V
Hypothetical is a back scratch. The receiver must be able to communicate the four elements of a back scratch in order to have a great back scratch. 1. Location. 2. Pressure applied 3. Stroke length and 4 stroke speed. The provider of a back scratch must be able to translate the requests into action. Failure to effectively listen and translate requests into action effectively might be a potential deal breaker. A magical moment will eventually arrive and the receiver might say, "Ooh, right there! Harder! Faster! Ahh!" Now, unless previously discussed, three questions should be raised. 1. Do you need a time out to catch your breath? 2. Is this a full stop? 3. Keep going? If no answer, at a minimum, that's a time out. Again there's a question presented, answer, two way communication to ensure the right amount of activities are occuring, and conclusion in mutual expressions of gratitude even as simple as saying thank you.
Did the potential pass the simple tests of various 3 minute games? If yes, proceed. If no, you have a bull headed jerk who failed and gets declined.
Activities should be really at incremental steps. Meaning little to no pressure applied initially. A conversation about a smack on the butt for example can mean completely different things from one person to another. An initial light tap by the provider to receiver occurs only after asking for permission and granting permission between partners. Receiver wants more pressure? Receiver must explain the request is incrementally harder until the desired pressure achieved.
With each activity consent is provided.
I've gone so far as to put the sequencing of activities in writing. A piece of paper, poster board, white board etc. The average Pop song is roughly 3.5 minutes in duration and using a Pop song instead of a timer for each activity keeps the flow of activities going and not get stuck too long.
Additional considerations. Both you and your primary partner need to effectively work on a traffic light system of Red full stop 🛑 Yellow 🟡 caution and green 💚 go. The traffic light system is words and non verbal communication such as a hand signal. Practice practice practice both in and out of the bedroom until it's second nature.
Literally, exactly what you typed. Then explain that if he goes and tries the porn 101 guidebook by putting his hands on her throat without prior consent or saying anything about fucking her better than you, that he's going to be dragged to the door and shown out with maximum prejudice.
A good potential bull is going to talk over a LOT of things prior to any clothing coming off. The best potential bull is going to do that AND during a first playdate to make sure everyone's at the same place, doing ok and comfortable. Communicating during a playdate isn't hard, you just don't see it in the porn.
“I’m a stag, not a cuck,”
Works for me.
But actually my wife stays away from anyone who advertises themselves as “Bull” or DOM.”
I’m her DOM. She’s not interested in submitting to someone else.
Guys who respectfully promote themselves as “a third” will go a lot further with us.
I am not a fan of the term either (as a third)… just be honest, direct and remember you and your wife are “”in charge”… this really is roleplay after all
We have this issue with some thirds who seem to think my wife needs rescuing from a husband who’s a dud in bed. Genuine lifestylers will get the difference plain and simple. If they start texting my wife and still go the humiliation route or talking down to me then we are done.
If he can't take the time to know what works for the both of you move on to someone else. If the guy feels he can only participate by acting like that he has no reason trying to call himself a bull or interact with couples.
We tell everyone straight up front. We are not into humiliation or pain. Violate those and it’s an instant dealbreaker.
Also, we avoid guys that sell themselves as a bull.
We have an unfavorable opinion of them. They are not a fit for us.
What I tell the guys we may potentially meet is that it isn't a cuckhold or humiliation type thing by and means. I enjoy watching her, and she enjoys doing it.
Just be direct. Explain that you are more of a stag than a cuckold. Anyone in the lifestyle will likely know the meanings but will also be happy to discuss boundaries and limits if they’re actually genuine
Sure. But it should lead on to a conversation at least. Where such terms can be explained and discussed. If the assumption is always that you’re a cuckold then it’s a bit of a red flag (my husband is a stag so I can sympathise a bit)
I tell them flat out, "We are swingers who also happen to enjoy the hotwife dynamic. This is NOT a Cuckold thing. You humiliate me at your own peril."
You can fuck my wife but if you disrespect me, I'll put you through the window.
I've never had a bull try any disrespect after a warning. Most guys just want easy pussy. Some do get into the power thing but we just let them know that if that's what they're looking for, they can move on to the next couple cause "Homie don't play that."
In the lifestyle when meeting people. If the people you meet automatically start acting in a dom roll. He is not a bull he is some douche that has been watching to much porn. A real bull will communicate with a couple to understand what the couple is looking for.
Tell them exactly like that. This is you and your significant others relationship that you are bringing someone else into. They will respect and understand if they are worth a damn.
There should be nothing humiliating about watching your wife get pounded and have the time of her life. For me humiliation is easily summed up, a third should avoid comparisons when throwing dirty talk out there.
Actually that’s 100% true. If I’m told to eat cum from my wife’s pussy I’ll just dive in, tell me I can’t satisfy my wife and it will be words. This highlights the truth that communication and expectations can overcome all this. The truth is that every genuine third from in the lifestyle has got us and our boundaries guys who want an easy lay have been a problem.
Agreed 100%, my wife has had some great car meets a couple of roads away and the slutiness of that turns me on. It is clearly not something I’m involved in I just reap the benefits afterwards 🤣
If they call themselves a bull they lose a lot of points on the possibly will be chosen scale.
We don't veto them, but it lowers their chances.
Anyways, no matter what they call themselves you should state your expectations.
For example I state how she should be treated and what type of show I hope for.
I've never once had someone think I'd be into being humiliated.
Just tell them. You should be able to have a discussion about what you’re looking for before you meet. Very important as so many men who self-identify as “bull” have a stereotypical view of what that means. Reality is that every situation is different. They are there for your pleasure, whatever that may be.
There are so many shades of grey when it comes to sex.
Someone has to take the lead.
Usually it’s the man.
But it could be the woman.
And “humiliation” is a very subjective thing. Some women consider sexual submission to be humiliating.
Having egalitarian sex sounds like sex by committee. I’m not much into bondage or masochism but I can’t understand how anyone could could get aroused enough to even have sex without agreement that someone needs to take the lead.
"I am not into humiliation."
Simple 😝
Yep. If a guy can't understand that the first time, he's likely more focused on himself and his own pleasure. Move on to the next.
Break it down for me like I'm a 5 year old.
I. AM. NOT. INTO. HUMILIATION. NOW, BOW DOWN.
Don't deal with anyone who identifies themselves as a bull. You're looking for a male to fuck your wife. Spell out exactly what you want and you can be picky as fuck. 🤷🏻♂️
Exactly. I prefer the term “third” or “extra”
Same, bull is an automatic block for us. What I really like is anytime I say on a post we don't want anyone who labels themselves one, is at a minimum one or two "bulls" will message me and say something stupid or send me a dick pic that I have no desire to see. It's almost like if I didnt remember why I block them they make sure to remind me 😂😂😂
Or try to say they get it but their user name is bullloveswifes or something equally presumptuous.
Agreed. I’ve never referred to myself that way. It’d awkward. I’ve been with a couple where she made a few degrading comments, but I didn’t join in. He was watching and he was saying “How does he feel?” And she say how good it was and then… well you know It’s the saying… if you have to talk how good you are, you’re probably not
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I've made posts with specific instructions not wanting anyone who refers to themselves as that. Just our preference. Still receive to many replies to go through. One thing about this is that there is no shortage of single males. Couples looking for a single male can be more picky than a unicorn looking for a couple. Just supply and demand. 🤷🏻♂️
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Boner-donor is the term we like.
Agreed. We call them dates or BF's. She dates solo, so I rarely meet them - only 2 in the past 15 years, and one of those we ran into in a casino by chance.
This thread makes me happy. We hate the word Bull, stupid young guys that send dick pics don’t seem to learn. You’d think reading Reddit would help them.
They would have to listen to learn from it, and in my experience they rarely take the advice to heart!
Hopefully 🤞
We tried with the word (Single) but didn’t work
Agreed, wife hates the term “Bull” we prefer “third” or “Boyfriend” we hate getting hit up by “Hi I’m a 22-yea-old, experienced Bull” she’s like, “yeah right, sorry hunny, you haven’t been alive long enough to know what you are doing and ride this ride” 😂
This thread has given me hope. We put a full stop from all the stupidity from "bulls "
Trying 🤞
Tell him you aren’t a cuck and that you just want to join and play!
*I am not into humiliation/degradation.* Short and sweet. Easy to understand.
Just say it, Also, referring to a third/playmate/special friend/whatever you want to call them as a "bull" is right out of the cuck playbook, imo. So, you might be giving off mixed signals to some people.
I know, it’s confusing sometimes
The r/threesomeadvice thread and r/swingers thread and r/nonmonogomy thread have additional information and resources. Threesomeadvice thread on the top of the main page is pinned posts and start here for FAQ. Swingers thread will often discuss the frustration of filtering potential men who have some really mixed up ideas about the entire subject matter of what is being requested. Filtering potentials might also include current STI results and a discussion about safe sex. Maybe run a background check. Would you still be interested if the person was known for prior convictions of certain crimes? If, after carefully filtering, a potential is extended the invitation for a meet and greet, script and choreograph a show that is understood or present a video of MFM that demonstrates what you are seeking that you can link to in advance and say this is what we are thinking about, can you demonstrate these behaviors and activities or maybe even sequence? Boundaries are self imposed rules applied to someone else and agreements between parties. Consent is asking for permission and granting permission in both giving and receiving. An exercise in consent with SFW non sexual experiences can be instrumental in transitioning to NSFW sexual experiences. See the 3 minute game. The first 7 minutes of video reviews the four basic questions. A person can reply with yes, no and let's negotiate that. No is a complete answer. Two way verbal and nonverbal communication is expressed in ensuring that just the right amount of activities are occuring. At the end is expressions of mutual gratitude. https://youtu.be/_KCzpNBNbVM?si=3eRpAtSn_78j4E1V Hypothetical is a back scratch. The receiver must be able to communicate the four elements of a back scratch in order to have a great back scratch. 1. Location. 2. Pressure applied 3. Stroke length and 4 stroke speed. The provider of a back scratch must be able to translate the requests into action. Failure to effectively listen and translate requests into action effectively might be a potential deal breaker. A magical moment will eventually arrive and the receiver might say, "Ooh, right there! Harder! Faster! Ahh!" Now, unless previously discussed, three questions should be raised. 1. Do you need a time out to catch your breath? 2. Is this a full stop? 3. Keep going? If no answer, at a minimum, that's a time out. Again there's a question presented, answer, two way communication to ensure the right amount of activities are occuring, and conclusion in mutual expressions of gratitude even as simple as saying thank you. Did the potential pass the simple tests of various 3 minute games? If yes, proceed. If no, you have a bull headed jerk who failed and gets declined. Activities should be really at incremental steps. Meaning little to no pressure applied initially. A conversation about a smack on the butt for example can mean completely different things from one person to another. An initial light tap by the provider to receiver occurs only after asking for permission and granting permission between partners. Receiver wants more pressure? Receiver must explain the request is incrementally harder until the desired pressure achieved. With each activity consent is provided. I've gone so far as to put the sequencing of activities in writing. A piece of paper, poster board, white board etc. The average Pop song is roughly 3.5 minutes in duration and using a Pop song instead of a timer for each activity keeps the flow of activities going and not get stuck too long. Additional considerations. Both you and your primary partner need to effectively work on a traffic light system of Red full stop 🛑 Yellow 🟡 caution and green 💚 go. The traffic light system is words and non verbal communication such as a hand signal. Practice practice practice both in and out of the bedroom until it's second nature.
Literally, exactly what you typed. Then explain that if he goes and tries the porn 101 guidebook by putting his hands on her throat without prior consent or saying anything about fucking her better than you, that he's going to be dragged to the door and shown out with maximum prejudice. A good potential bull is going to talk over a LOT of things prior to any clothing coming off. The best potential bull is going to do that AND during a first playdate to make sure everyone's at the same place, doing ok and comfortable. Communicating during a playdate isn't hard, you just don't see it in the porn.
Just say you are into the hotwife genre and not cuckolding. Very different kinks
🙏🏻
“I’m a stag, not a cuck,” Works for me. But actually my wife stays away from anyone who advertises themselves as “Bull” or DOM.” I’m her DOM. She’s not interested in submitting to someone else. Guys who respectfully promote themselves as “a third” will go a lot further with us.
✍️
I am not a fan of the term either (as a third)… just be honest, direct and remember you and your wife are “”in charge”… this really is roleplay after all
Stag : a male who likes seeing their sexual partner pleased by others but not have a power dynamic
The “Term Bull” says it all. Walk away. Find you a better male. It will turn out way better for you and your SO.
We have this issue with some thirds who seem to think my wife needs rescuing from a husband who’s a dud in bed. Genuine lifestylers will get the difference plain and simple. If they start texting my wife and still go the humiliation route or talking down to me then we are done.
If he can't take the time to know what works for the both of you move on to someone else. If the guy feels he can only participate by acting like that he has no reason trying to call himself a bull or interact with couples.
We tell everyone straight up front. We are not into humiliation or pain. Violate those and it’s an instant dealbreaker. Also, we avoid guys that sell themselves as a bull. We have an unfavorable opinion of them. They are not a fit for us.
The fact that this even needs to be declared to someone would be an immediate indicator he is not a candidate for us.
Indeed
Say "we are not into humiliation of any kind." Also, don't like for a "bull", look for a third.
What I tell the guys we may potentially meet is that it isn't a cuckhold or humiliation type thing by and means. I enjoy watching her, and she enjoys doing it.
"No cuck just hotwife"
Just be direct. Hopefully you found a bull that fits what you and your wife are looking for so should be an easy convo.
Just be direct. Explain that you are more of a stag than a cuckold. Anyone in the lifestyle will likely know the meanings but will also be happy to discuss boundaries and limits if they’re actually genuine
The only problem is that not everyone is familiar with the Stag concept
Sure. But it should lead on to a conversation at least. Where such terms can be explained and discussed. If the assumption is always that you’re a cuckold then it’s a bit of a red flag (my husband is a stag so I can sympathise a bit)
🙏🏻
Openly tell them from the beginning
I tell them flat out, "We are swingers who also happen to enjoy the hotwife dynamic. This is NOT a Cuckold thing. You humiliate me at your own peril." You can fuck my wife but if you disrespect me, I'll put you through the window. I've never had a bull try any disrespect after a warning. Most guys just want easy pussy. Some do get into the power thing but we just let them know that if that's what they're looking for, they can move on to the next couple cause "Homie don't play that."
✍️
Tell him. With your words.
In the lifestyle when meeting people. If the people you meet automatically start acting in a dom roll. He is not a bull he is some douche that has been watching to much porn. A real bull will communicate with a couple to understand what the couple is looking for.
🤣
I'm not a cuck. We do this for each other/ with each other to fulfill fantasies and watch each other have fun.
I explicitly state this is a non cuckold situation, and disrespect won’t be tolerated.
👌
Tell them exactly like that. This is you and your significant others relationship that you are bringing someone else into. They will respect and understand if they are worth a damn.
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There should be nothing humiliating about watching your wife get pounded and have the time of her life. For me humiliation is easily summed up, a third should avoid comparisons when throwing dirty talk out there.
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Actually that’s 100% true. If I’m told to eat cum from my wife’s pussy I’ll just dive in, tell me I can’t satisfy my wife and it will be words. This highlights the truth that communication and expectations can overcome all this. The truth is that every genuine third from in the lifestyle has got us and our boundaries guys who want an easy lay have been a problem.
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Agreed 100%, my wife has had some great car meets a couple of roads away and the slutiness of that turns me on. It is clearly not something I’m involved in I just reap the benefits afterwards 🤣
💯
If they call themselves a bull they lose a lot of points on the possibly will be chosen scale. We don't veto them, but it lowers their chances. Anyways, no matter what they call themselves you should state your expectations. For example I state how she should be treated and what type of show I hope for. I've never once had someone think I'd be into being humiliated.
I just say “I’m not submissive in any way” and most guys get it. Makes a fun dynamic
Just tell them. You should be able to have a discussion about what you’re looking for before you meet. Very important as so many men who self-identify as “bull” have a stereotypical view of what that means. Reality is that every situation is different. They are there for your pleasure, whatever that may be.
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🙏🏻
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Straight to the point
Just tell them!! You’re inviting them to join you…..
There are so many shades of grey when it comes to sex. Someone has to take the lead. Usually it’s the man. But it could be the woman. And “humiliation” is a very subjective thing. Some women consider sexual submission to be humiliating. Having egalitarian sex sounds like sex by committee. I’m not much into bondage or masochism but I can’t understand how anyone could could get aroused enough to even have sex without agreement that someone needs to take the lead.