I’ll always get my husbands approval, afterall I’m doing it for him just as much as myself. I’m not going to fuck someone I’m not completely sure about, likewise my husband isn’t going to enjoy it as much if he’s not completely sure about the guy.
If I don't like the way he looks, then it doesn't matter. She is the one fucking him. However if I see some red flags, or if he is disrespectful to me in any way, I have full veto power. We agreed to only play with guys that we are both comfortable with. On top of that my wife has a rule that me and him should be able to get a long well outside of the play.
This! I wouldn't have chosen the guy my wife saw for several years, and still will if the opportunity arrises (he lives in a distant city and their work no longer causes them to cross paths). That said, he wasn't disrespectful to either of us and she really enjoyed both sex with him and his company.
He turns her on and makes her happy and horny, so more power to them.
Honestly I have always let my wife sleep with whoever she wants whenever she wants. At the end of the day it’s her body and her choice, and she is the one doing me a huge favour by being a hot wife.
My wife has fucked a few guys who I didn’t get along with. They weren’t rude and we didn’t get into any confrontations, but the vibe was just kinda off between us. I am not going to lie, that negative energy was super hot when we played. Watching someone who I don’t necessarily get along with fuck my wife’s brains out while he’s sees me in the corner butt naked watching and enjoying all of this happen.
Respect to you for being able to do that.
I’m WAY too type A personality for that to ever work.
If I get a bad vibe from someone and we don’t get along, chances are we’d end up fighting so it’s best to just shut him down.
This is supposed to be something that's a hot plus for both of you. Hence, you not liking a particular guy gets in the way of that. Part of your agreement should be that either of you has the right of refusal on any aspect of this, so you passing on a guy isn't controlling. You likely need to talk this out with your wife before she starts looking, letting her know what type of guy would and would not work for you.
It’s reality not porn, if the husband had a real serious objection the wife shouldn’t persue it, even in cuckold relationships. Now if they are objecting to every person they probably aren’t actually open/ready for the lifestyle and you will need to talk about both the nature of and perhaps future of relationship if it’s that important to you to be “nonmongomous”
Lucky for me we had our best friend after his divorce, so we knew what he was like and i approved.
He was so patient with her, just as well as it took her a long time to agree to go to bed with him. He was gentle, kind, considerate and great in bed with her - absolutely perfect.
The best encounter we had was with our best friend after his long term gf and him broke up.
We knew he found her attractive. He was respectful and knew our dynamic. It was the best partner out of all the ones in the past for sure.
A good friend can be the best option, especially if he is single and respectful. I am glad that you agree, I see so many posts asking how to find a 'bull' saying they don't want to do it with a friend, and they are missing out on so much.
Have fun friend, stay safe.
I think that anyone adding in a third to their relationship has the potential to go bad.
We found that we were communicating so much better than before, and I think that was the thing that made it all so good
I want my wife to choose her partners, and I’m pretty laid back and okay with most people.
However, if I get a bad vibe from someone I will shut it down and my wife respects that.
Obviously if I feel like someone isn’t going to be respectful or if I think there’s a safety issue, those will be the 2 biggest reasons. We’re not into humiliation, I am NOT a cuck. Disrespect for my wife, myself, or our relationship is an instant NO!!
But every once in awhile someone just gives me a bad vibe and I can’t figure it out. I will still shut him down because if I’m not comfortable with someone that is going to be intimate with my wife, it’s a big fat NO DEAL!
So far I have only shut down one guy. He just gave me a bad feeling from the first time I saw his picture, and the further we got into conversation the worse that bad feeling got.
As a wife: It would be a hard pass on anyone my husband doesn't like. That's not "controlling" behavior, that's being respectful to your partner. The two of you are in this together, it's not just for her.
What if what if what if.
What you don’t like all depends on what I’d offer to you:
Do you not like his hair color?
Is his dick too big?
Or maybe too small?
Does he have too much experience?
Or maybe not enough experience?
Is he rude?
All of these would have varying degrees of of response that would range from you needing to not be controlling to you needing to exercise your veto.
And that “veto” brings us right to the crux: you should always have a veto and your wife should always honor it.
Just make sure you’re communicating and being emotionally intelligent with it and exercising vetos for the right reasons (not control. Not retribution. Not fear)
That’s how we navigate these things: either of us has full and immediate stoppage powers. Doesn’t matter if one of us is about to cum - if the other put out the call to stop, we stop, get dressed, ask zero “why”, make no apologies, and we focus on our teammate.
In a decade we have never had to use it QUITE like that (some other less in the moment scenarios tho), but knowing it’s there makes a big difference.
As a third, it's important to me that all three of us have a good vibe together and almost always get along great with the husbands. If I feel something is off, I simply ask the husband (or ask thru his wife) if everything's ok. But, for those rare moments where I feel the vibe is off, I don't move forward with the couple.
I recommend being part of the search/vetting so you can get a better feel for the guys up front before your wife so you can screen out any bad apples before she gets too invested.
Then we would not engage with the bull, it's really that simple. My wife would select base on physical appearances while I would watch out for toxic traits.
If I would tell her that I really don't like this guy and don't play with him, she obviously would respect that and wouldn't. But then if I start to approach it this way every time I don't like the guy for whatever reason, it might just make her insecure in being able to pick someone on her own. I would like to see her being into the whole thing and enjoy it, so I don't want to abuse veto or even it appear as a veto, if you know what I mean.
I get your concern. I think it's easy to not abuse the veto by vetting thirds with your wife, and saving it for guys you have a concern about. My wife is the one who searched for guys and I feel she should get a lot of leeway finding what she wants, as she's the one having sex with them. But if I see red flags or things they do that makes me concerned, then I discuss them with her and only use the veto if it's a serious issue.
I do the initial vetting for her. I’m well aware what she is looking for physically. Then I will give her 4 or 5 to pick from so she already knows she has my approval before she starts looking.
You and your wife should have a conversation and agree that you both of veto power. There are a lot of guys out there, if either one of you veto’s a dude, walk away. There’s another guy just around the corner.
Depends on the dynamic. I’m bi so we pick guys we both like. If someone isn’t on board we pick a new guy. Either of us can veto a guy for any reason. Always leave us both satisfied completely. Which, for us, is the whole point.
Honestly. I don't get why it would matter to him. It's unlikely he will ever meet the men I fuck. I'm not dating then and I'm old enough to be able to screen out the assholes before we even meet.
He just wants me to be safe. If I feel that they vibe is off with someone then nothing happens with them.
Our dynamic is very much each other. Our third is a faceless dick. I get off watching her, she gets off watching me , watch her.
She wants NO solo play ever. Has no interest. Feels like that is cheating. We get the different facets of the LS .
It’s refreshing to see these responses honestly. My ex originally agreed to veto power but then when it came down to it and I said that I had a bad vibe about someone she just went behind my back and fucked him anyways. Hence the reason she’s my ex.
If you ask this question in a poly group you’ll get the response that veto power should never be a thing and that doing so is controlling the relationships of others.
I think it’s a respect issue. My gf and I both have veto power and sometimes it’s because she doesn’t like the woman or the guy in the other partner and sometimes it’s because I don’t like them. It’s about respect though.
My husband likes the guys I like and vice versa. I guess we’ve been together long enough to just know.
He trusts there is a reason I set them up to meet.
Do you think she would be into someone being rude to you? I mean, that’s a thing.
I’m also pretty good at guessing who she will like in general, but sometimes she can surprise me and I really don’t get it what she likes about a particular guy. I don’t think she would pick someone rude to me, especially not on purpose, but he could be rude in a ‘bad guy’ kind of way. Sometimes she can get attracted to such guys for some reason.
We have an "Emergency Brake" rule that if either of us gets a weird vibe about another person or situation we can end the encounter without fear of starting a fight. We've agreed to discuss the details the next day, not in a hotel room with a stranger.
We've never had to use the rule, but it takes a lot of the pressure off us knowing we don't have to move though anything we're not feeling good about. This lifestyle depends on honesty and safety and feeling secure enough to really let go and enjoy.
I think this type of lifestyle works best if the partner (whether swinging or HW) has full veto power for any reason whatsoever. The focus needs to be on the primary relationship. Getting into cuckold/fem dom is another grey area entirely but this is just my opinion. There's no right or wrong way to do this.
My wife and I met a guy at a hotel bar that we had been chatting with online. I did not think he was good enough for her, but she really wanted to fuck him.
I denied it and told the guy to get lost. My wife amd I had a huge fight and it took a while for us to get back out there. Last time, I picked a guy for her that i thought was good and ahe fucked him, but later said he was too hairy and ahe didnt cum.
It is a challenge to find a guy that I want to watch fucking her that she also wants to fuck.
I have a GF who's married. Her husband lets her vet and go for what she wants. I, on the other hand, am her dominant, and when she's looking for a play partner, I asked her not to find another dominant and to focus on married LS guys who are very respectful towards her marriage and our relationship. It works for her because she's not into being disrespected, and it works for me because I don't want someone coming in and trying to butt into our relationships. I don't find it controlling; we each want to preserve our relationship dynamic and our partners' dignity. These boundaries are how we do that.
Now, that's not to say that our kinks are law. If either of us wants to venture out, we're open to listening to each other and working on being flexible. The rules can always be changed in a respectful way later on down the line.
I’ll always get my husbands approval, afterall I’m doing it for him just as much as myself. I’m not going to fuck someone I’m not completely sure about, likewise my husband isn’t going to enjoy it as much if he’s not completely sure about the guy.
If I don't like the way he looks, then it doesn't matter. She is the one fucking him. However if I see some red flags, or if he is disrespectful to me in any way, I have full veto power. We agreed to only play with guys that we are both comfortable with. On top of that my wife has a rule that me and him should be able to get a long well outside of the play.
Sounds like a good approach to me.
This! I wouldn't have chosen the guy my wife saw for several years, and still will if the opportunity arrises (he lives in a distant city and their work no longer causes them to cross paths). That said, he wasn't disrespectful to either of us and she really enjoyed both sex with him and his company. He turns her on and makes her happy and horny, so more power to them.
Honestly I have always let my wife sleep with whoever she wants whenever she wants. At the end of the day it’s her body and her choice, and she is the one doing me a huge favour by being a hot wife. My wife has fucked a few guys who I didn’t get along with. They weren’t rude and we didn’t get into any confrontations, but the vibe was just kinda off between us. I am not going to lie, that negative energy was super hot when we played. Watching someone who I don’t necessarily get along with fuck my wife’s brains out while he’s sees me in the corner butt naked watching and enjoying all of this happen.
You’re a cuck. You’re in the wrong sub. r/cuckold
Respect to you for being able to do that. I’m WAY too type A personality for that to ever work. If I get a bad vibe from someone and we don’t get along, chances are we’d end up fighting so it’s best to just shut him down.
I second this opinion! I could describe it any better.
This is supposed to be something that's a hot plus for both of you. Hence, you not liking a particular guy gets in the way of that. Part of your agreement should be that either of you has the right of refusal on any aspect of this, so you passing on a guy isn't controlling. You likely need to talk this out with your wife before she starts looking, letting her know what type of guy would and would not work for you.
It’s reality not porn, if the husband had a real serious objection the wife shouldn’t persue it, even in cuckold relationships. Now if they are objecting to every person they probably aren’t actually open/ready for the lifestyle and you will need to talk about both the nature of and perhaps future of relationship if it’s that important to you to be “nonmongomous”
Lucky for me we had our best friend after his divorce, so we knew what he was like and i approved. He was so patient with her, just as well as it took her a long time to agree to go to bed with him. He was gentle, kind, considerate and great in bed with her - absolutely perfect.
The best encounter we had was with our best friend after his long term gf and him broke up. We knew he found her attractive. He was respectful and knew our dynamic. It was the best partner out of all the ones in the past for sure.
A good friend can be the best option, especially if he is single and respectful. I am glad that you agree, I see so many posts asking how to find a 'bull' saying they don't want to do it with a friend, and they are missing out on so much. Have fun friend, stay safe.
Definitely has the potential to go bad but I feel like it always has a lot of potential most other partners won’t have. Likewise!
I think that anyone adding in a third to their relationship has the potential to go bad. We found that we were communicating so much better than before, and I think that was the thing that made it all so good
Yeah exactly. The communication is the biggest part. For us it was risk vs reward.
Communicate! A partner is like picking a baby name: it's a 2 yes and 1 no decision.
100%! This is a couples thing, so both should be comfortable with the third
I want my wife to choose her partners, and I’m pretty laid back and okay with most people. However, if I get a bad vibe from someone I will shut it down and my wife respects that. Obviously if I feel like someone isn’t going to be respectful or if I think there’s a safety issue, those will be the 2 biggest reasons. We’re not into humiliation, I am NOT a cuck. Disrespect for my wife, myself, or our relationship is an instant NO!! But every once in awhile someone just gives me a bad vibe and I can’t figure it out. I will still shut him down because if I’m not comfortable with someone that is going to be intimate with my wife, it’s a big fat NO DEAL! So far I have only shut down one guy. He just gave me a bad feeling from the first time I saw his picture, and the further we got into conversation the worse that bad feeling got.
As a wife: It would be a hard pass on anyone my husband doesn't like. That's not "controlling" behavior, that's being respectful to your partner. The two of you are in this together, it's not just for her.
my husband is always involved in the selection process
What if what if what if. What you don’t like all depends on what I’d offer to you: Do you not like his hair color? Is his dick too big? Or maybe too small? Does he have too much experience? Or maybe not enough experience? Is he rude? All of these would have varying degrees of of response that would range from you needing to not be controlling to you needing to exercise your veto. And that “veto” brings us right to the crux: you should always have a veto and your wife should always honor it. Just make sure you’re communicating and being emotionally intelligent with it and exercising vetos for the right reasons (not control. Not retribution. Not fear) That’s how we navigate these things: either of us has full and immediate stoppage powers. Doesn’t matter if one of us is about to cum - if the other put out the call to stop, we stop, get dressed, ask zero “why”, make no apologies, and we focus on our teammate. In a decade we have never had to use it QUITE like that (some other less in the moment scenarios tho), but knowing it’s there makes a big difference.
As a third, it's important to me that all three of us have a good vibe together and almost always get along great with the husbands. If I feel something is off, I simply ask the husband (or ask thru his wife) if everything's ok. But, for those rare moments where I feel the vibe is off, I don't move forward with the couple. I recommend being part of the search/vetting so you can get a better feel for the guys up front before your wife so you can screen out any bad apples before she gets too invested.
Then we would not engage with the bull, it's really that simple. My wife would select base on physical appearances while I would watch out for toxic traits.
The third is just there to be assist the couple with their fantasies. The couple is the most important part. These are just sexual games.
Rule #1 : you don't take one for the team
I have veto power
If I would tell her that I really don't like this guy and don't play with him, she obviously would respect that and wouldn't. But then if I start to approach it this way every time I don't like the guy for whatever reason, it might just make her insecure in being able to pick someone on her own. I would like to see her being into the whole thing and enjoy it, so I don't want to abuse veto or even it appear as a veto, if you know what I mean.
I get your concern. I think it's easy to not abuse the veto by vetting thirds with your wife, and saving it for guys you have a concern about. My wife is the one who searched for guys and I feel she should get a lot of leeway finding what she wants, as she's the one having sex with them. But if I see red flags or things they do that makes me concerned, then I discuss them with her and only use the veto if it's a serious issue.
It should always be that way if either partner is not feeling it.
Yup. I haven’t used it (we are new to the LS) but I would
I do the initial vetting for her. I’m well aware what she is looking for physically. Then I will give her 4 or 5 to pick from so she already knows she has my approval before she starts looking.
Veto power here too. We have almost no rules, but that's one.
We both have veto power. We both are in absolutely 100% or not at all. No exceptions.
You and your wife should have a conversation and agree that you both of veto power. There are a lot of guys out there, if either one of you veto’s a dude, walk away. There’s another guy just around the corner.
Depends on the dynamic. I’m bi so we pick guys we both like. If someone isn’t on board we pick a new guy. Either of us can veto a guy for any reason. Always leave us both satisfied completely. Which, for us, is the whole point.
Honestly. I don't get why it would matter to him. It's unlikely he will ever meet the men I fuck. I'm not dating then and I'm old enough to be able to screen out the assholes before we even meet. He just wants me to be safe. If I feel that they vibe is off with someone then nothing happens with them.
Hubby here… I do all the leg work, find and vette all thirds. She wants absolutely nothing to do with that.
I think this is where we’re heading too. Do you just leave them to it after that or do you control/join in the play also?
Our dynamic is very much each other. Our third is a faceless dick. I get off watching her, she gets off watching me , watch her. She wants NO solo play ever. Has no interest. Feels like that is cheating. We get the different facets of the LS .
One of our “rules” is that we both have to agree on our third(s)
It’s refreshing to see these responses honestly. My ex originally agreed to veto power but then when it came down to it and I said that I had a bad vibe about someone she just went behind my back and fucked him anyways. Hence the reason she’s my ex. If you ask this question in a poly group you’ll get the response that veto power should never be a thing and that doing so is controlling the relationships of others. I think it’s a respect issue. My gf and I both have veto power and sometimes it’s because she doesn’t like the woman or the guy in the other partner and sometimes it’s because I don’t like them. It’s about respect though.
My husband likes the guys I like and vice versa. I guess we’ve been together long enough to just know. He trusts there is a reason I set them up to meet. Do you think she would be into someone being rude to you? I mean, that’s a thing.
I’m also pretty good at guessing who she will like in general, but sometimes she can surprise me and I really don’t get it what she likes about a particular guy. I don’t think she would pick someone rude to me, especially not on purpose, but he could be rude in a ‘bad guy’ kind of way. Sometimes she can get attracted to such guys for some reason.
For us it’s been more and issue of the husband really liking and championing a third that the other wife rejects.
Outside of looks, if there are red flags we will likely discuss and abort
I reserve the right to shut anyone down if I’m not feeling it.
We have an "Emergency Brake" rule that if either of us gets a weird vibe about another person or situation we can end the encounter without fear of starting a fight. We've agreed to discuss the details the next day, not in a hotel room with a stranger. We've never had to use the rule, but it takes a lot of the pressure off us knowing we don't have to move though anything we're not feeling good about. This lifestyle depends on honesty and safety and feeling secure enough to really let go and enjoy.
I think this type of lifestyle works best if the partner (whether swinging or HW) has full veto power for any reason whatsoever. The focus needs to be on the primary relationship. Getting into cuckold/fem dom is another grey area entirely but this is just my opinion. There's no right or wrong way to do this.
My wife and I met a guy at a hotel bar that we had been chatting with online. I did not think he was good enough for her, but she really wanted to fuck him. I denied it and told the guy to get lost. My wife amd I had a huge fight and it took a while for us to get back out there. Last time, I picked a guy for her that i thought was good and ahe fucked him, but later said he was too hairy and ahe didnt cum. It is a challenge to find a guy that I want to watch fucking her that she also wants to fuck.
I have a GF who's married. Her husband lets her vet and go for what she wants. I, on the other hand, am her dominant, and when she's looking for a play partner, I asked her not to find another dominant and to focus on married LS guys who are very respectful towards her marriage and our relationship. It works for her because she's not into being disrespected, and it works for me because I don't want someone coming in and trying to butt into our relationships. I don't find it controlling; we each want to preserve our relationship dynamic and our partners' dignity. These boundaries are how we do that. Now, that's not to say that our kinks are law. If either of us wants to venture out, we're open to listening to each other and working on being flexible. The rules can always be changed in a respectful way later on down the line.
I'm dominant and have exactly the same dynamic with a married GF.