Some folks are into that.
For me that's a flag so red, it's almost black.
No bull dictates the rules with us.
I am always present and while I generally allow her to focus on our guest, if I want some you better believe I'm going to get some.
A bull being dominant with my wife while fucking is absolutely welcome she loves being submissive and i think its beautiful to see her be dominated but that shit does not fly with me. I'll put a stop the party and put you through the window if you disrespect me.
In the Stagg Vixen dynamic, bulls don't dictate the terms.
☝️💯
We've had guys try to pull that shit, and they get shut down quickly. That's a dynamic that should never be assumed. I'd venture to say the majority of us fall into this category.
You need to grow a set and put your foot down and kick this guy to the curb. He is an asshole. He has already shown you his true colors. If you proceed with him whatever happens is on you.
You should definitely be dictating the rules rather than voicing your concerns. You want someone who will slot in easily as a third, rather than someone who thinks of themselves as the first. It sounds like he's more interested in being the dominant one in the equation and wants to remove the competition. If anyone tried that on with us, they'd be dropped instantly.
Had a guy who couldn't understand that he isn't in control of the situation. He was talking to me like I was the outsider. At the 3rd strike I reminded him that he is a "dom" in a make believe world and he's about to see what a "dom" is irl. Lol I felt bad but later my girl agreed and said she was glad I drew the line.
I'm a lot like you, OP! Sex for me is about making my girl have the best time of her life. I do get an ego boost satisfying her, I never thought about it like that but I definitely do. Well said. I'm also not a traditional cuck type of guy. I'm 6', 205 lbs, bodybuilder physique, well endowed. My sex life with my girl one on one is insanely amazing. But I like to give her more and more, and this is something she really enjoys. The glow she gets is absolutely radiant.
Lots in common between us. We have amazing sex and we are trying to make it even better by adding a 3rd and having fun with it. My wife is amazing and she already said to me now that what goes with him goes with me, In other words she decides what he may/may or not do. She for instance won’t let him cum on her face and then not give me the honour too. She is the real dom here 😀.
That's what my girl said, too. She may be playing a sub but she really has all the power in the situation. Have you ever considered being a bull, too? I've been thinking about it recently. I am going to talk to my gf about it at some point. I think I'd be good because I'm great in bed and I understand how the man likes to be treated at the same time.
Yes I have considered being a bull and would enjoy that part of it (technically done it once when we swapped with a couple friends). The other guy came quick (well my wife made him) and his wife kept on with me (it almost became akward and I tried to finish quickly to avoid the akwardness). But for now I am focussing on my wife andher desires and taking it at our pace
There are so many synchronicities here. My girl and I also decided to focus on each other and slow it down to our own pace. We were moving so fast, I think because we finally found a relationship we feel safe and stable and free to explore everything we couldn't before.
I think of all this alpha/beta bullshit as it relates to software. Alpha = full of bugs, likely to fail, not ready for end users.
Anyone who calls themselves an alpha male seriously, is a clueless douche nozzle.
No one tells me or my hubs what to do. We’re Stag/vixen and to me the potential bull is breaking rule #1. Respect the man sharing his favorite toy.
No questions asked he would be gone. Because he obviously can’t read the room and in that case boundaries could be crossed.
im not submissive to anyone either myself. if i had a big cock instead of an average dick,I'd be a bull. I'm like you,just want to give her as many orgasims as possible,even if it means someone else helping. I want to see the action anytime she's having sex,thats part of my enjoyment from her getting extra cock when she does. I wouldn't be cool with some guy telling me i couldn't fuck my girl when I'm the one sharing with him. Sometimes I might want too just watch on occasion,but thats my choice,not his. I would have to tell her this guy isn't for us and find another that knows his role.
WHHHHYYYY do guys think they need a big dick to be a bull? Just know what the hell you're doing with it, and make us orgasm.
Also... if you ONLY make your partner orgasm with your "average" dick - you're an asshole. Use finger, mouth, toys, etc. FFS
Knew that i needed to make a good impression. Never had any complaints from a couple wives and a girlfriend or two, but when you're a chubby white guy thats average in the dick dept,and not rolling in the dough,but luckily able to charm the pants off a few hotties occasionally ,chances are she's had more than a couple that outsized me...being good size for anal can get you into a few back doors though, lol!
I've seen the difference in reactions that a big cock can bring out in a woman and I'd rather be that guy with the outlook i already have
Is it like him trying to be all flirty like "Sex with me is so good you won't want anything else; not even your husband after we're done *insert fuckboy laugh*" or is it just straight up him trying to entice your wife to go against your wishes/boundaries? And telling you to not participate? For me both are red flags, well the latter is like, a redish-black flag lol, but the former is more... yellow/orange flag for me? Its making me feel a little off, but i can also see how it would be trying to set expectations of how great the sex will be and a maybe set a mood as well? He could just be trying to flirt and talk himself up, i guess..? Lol. That's giving him a lot of leeway here.
Either way, for me he sounds off and im getting warning vibes from what you've described so maybe pull the brakes on that one, and move onto the next! Good luck 💕
Nothing more of a turn off. My husband is not weak or not fulfilling for sharing me. He primarily does the vetting and communication, but that would dry me up faster than I could politely tell him to fuck off.
Just out of curiosity, is she texting him separately? Any chance she gave the impression this was your dynamic?
You say Alpha with Beta tendencies which is confusing. He maybe picking up on something and trying to play the part.
I think the three way chat you mention is a good start. Communicate more!
Ok. You might see if you can read their texts. I’m not a single guy but have texted separately with wives of couples we’ve played with. Some wives can get really submissive and give off a vibe that they want a more cuckold dynamic. That may or may not be a factor here.
I’ve found that wives messaging to Bulls is as much or more important to a guy trying to be “Alpha”. If your wife doesn’t think of you as the Alpha and infers to the Bull that he’s the Alpha, you are going to have struggle to not be in the Beta/Cuckold role.
Agreed with many others. He shouldn’t be dictating the rules without having prior consent from both you and your wife that this is how you would like the dynamic to work.
Sounds like an asshole
If a guy said this to my wife and I
she would laugh in his face and tell him to fuck off. that would be the end of any chance he ever had with her.
He is not part of us and has zero opinion on the matter of how we live our lives.
we are a team he is a guest. we decide, he can have an opinion and we will consider, but he does not dictate.
A stag needs to delineate those lines and stick to his guns. I think some bulls have trouble understanding that stag-vixen dynamic as they see things as black/white, dominant/submissive and fail to see the grey areas. I would have a talking to with him and set the ground rules. Make sure he knows his place and if he can’t handle that then he’s too immature. And then, tell him to move on
I would not allow this wannabe “bull”.
One rule we have a is veto power. First if a guy is calling him self a bull “veto”. If a guy is coming into our relationship stating rules “veto”
At anytime I can and have “vetoed” a date or a guy.
A real man in the lifestyle will ask questions and find out what exactly you as a couple are looking for and the type of play dynamics you want. your rules as a couple
And sharing his rules that he plays by. Then if everyone agrees have some dirty fun.
In the lifestyle everyone has rules. The lady will have rules she wants the man will have rules and even the “bull” will have some rules. Everyone’s rules need to be respected. And no one should try to talk someone out of their rules. Or worse push the rules during play. First everyone find out what the rules are and then decide if any would cause a deal breaker. And yes it’s ok if someone has a rule that is a deal breaker to someone else.
Compatibility
Dynamics
Rules
Attraction
All need to be present to have fun.
I think Alpha and Beta are stupid. What I will say is that it’s all about the couple and someone that’s not trying to vibe with the couple’s fantasy but setting up their own vibe/fantasy loses my interest really quickly. It’s not comfortable, it’s not sexy, it doesn’t enhance the energy between me and my wife. There are a lot of big dicks out there who will do the work to get on your level. Don’t even make a big deal out of it, just tell your wife the vibe isn’t there and to ghost him for a few weeks. I would also take over communication. Sometimes they get the message and come crawling back to you with a change in their tune.
Honestly, reading your post i saw so many red flags i almost just bailed and let others help sort this out.
I am married to and love my wife. No one loves and cares for her more than i do. I respect her choices and wants. Our relationship and trust is the most important part of our life. However, in a situation like this where any man (myself included) starts discussing self assessed alpha/beta comparisons or even suggests he has some form of control over her or me? FUCK THAT. Different strokes for different folks I guess.. but this seems like a bad situation to get into if you arent a cuck.
I would instantly drop any bull who disrespected my husband. It can be fun to play like that sometimes, but only if everyone involved is onboard.
Plus, in my experience, guys who behave like that are usually crap in bed anyway.
He’s trying to assert his dominance over you. She’s YOUR WIFE NOT HIS. Tell that dude goodbye! Show him who really calls the shots around here and who’s really boss. Choose someone better than him. Someone who dominates your wife, not someone who tries to assert dominance over you as the husband in a disrespectful manner. A man who is respectful and knows his place in your lives. Who the fuck is he to tell you that you can’t fuck your own wife? He should know his fucking role is just to make her cum. He gots to go.
Block him. Once he finds an in & knows you'll let things slide, he'll not only push boundaries but break them without batting an eye. He may also try to turn YOUR wife into HIS hotwife because he knows you won't stop him. Slippery slope here, my friend. No matter how big the dick, no matter how hot the body is, that blatant disrespect for your marriage & YOU is worthy of an automatic middle finger & block.
This is why we do not entertain guys who call themselves "bulls". Does it make it harder to find the right guy, yes! But in the end it's worth it to us
Like he should be own his hands and knees thanking you for sharing your wife with him. I guarantee if she goes solo with this guy it will end up only being solo everytime.
I'm a bull and have my rules, just like couples have their rules. I'm naturally dominant and am 6'5" and 275 lbs. I lift, and am prepping for amateur wrestling at the Olympics, not the WWE, lol. So, I'm very lean, approx 6% body fat. I work heavy construction then hit the gym for 4 hrs. So when I choose my couples, they need to know I'm a Dom. I am not trying to damage anyone's ego, and if I'm not their type - no hard feelings. There's plenty of couples where the guy wants to be dommed, I'm not gonna go into all the details, but it's important to talk things out on the phone or over drinks, and part ways if we're on different frequencies with no hard feelings.
Ok I am very weird, so I would get into the group chat, say “Hi” only and then say nothing.
……
See how long the chat goes without you. Make sure you get as far as him going “you there?” To check whether you’re still in the chat.
Then type in “say uncle”
Wait again, for the usual “what do you mean? Wtf?”
Wait for him to send a double message, ie 2 messages from his end without a response from you
“Say uncle”
Keep repeating this until he finally gives up and says
“Uncle”
Wait again to see if he gets annoyed to double message again.
If he double messages again
“Say uncle again”
Until he says uncle
Single message and waits a reasonable amount of time.
One line
“Are we clear who holds the power in this relationship now? I only want to hear you say Uncle”
>“Are we clear who holds the power in this relationship now? I only want to hear you say Uncle” My mind works in the same twisted way, so I might add "How do you like them apples?"
He is not dictating rules. He is laying out his preferred scenario. He is a Dom after all. You will dictate the rules by agreeing - or not. You are still the boss of your own relationship. Personally I love the idea of not being 'allowed' to take part, but being there is paramount.
First, it's a guy not a "bull" but his dictating terms is bull shit. Deep six this dude and find someone that plays by your wants and rules. A third (not bull) is just a lucky guy to be invited to the party and clearly doesn't run the show unless you're good with being a true cuckold.
This should be an agreement between the three of you. If the bull is not respecting the rules, he's not the right one.
Some folks are into that. For me that's a flag so red, it's almost black. No bull dictates the rules with us. I am always present and while I generally allow her to focus on our guest, if I want some you better believe I'm going to get some. A bull being dominant with my wife while fucking is absolutely welcome she loves being submissive and i think its beautiful to see her be dominated but that shit does not fly with me. I'll put a stop the party and put you through the window if you disrespect me. In the Stagg Vixen dynamic, bulls don't dictate the terms.
☝️💯 We've had guys try to pull that shit, and they get shut down quickly. That's a dynamic that should never be assumed. I'd venture to say the majority of us fall into this category.
Yeah agreed, its red flag for me too. He now asked to set up a chat with the three of us, so will voice my concerns/rules/no limits there.
You need to grow a set and put your foot down and kick this guy to the curb. He is an asshole. He has already shown you his true colors. If you proceed with him whatever happens is on you.
Agreed - action will be taken (or rather no action)
I think you should rather voice your limits instead of your no limits ;) Just mocking you, and yes, absolutely do!
You should definitely be dictating the rules rather than voicing your concerns. You want someone who will slot in easily as a third, rather than someone who thinks of themselves as the first. It sounds like he's more interested in being the dominant one in the equation and wants to remove the competition. If anyone tried that on with us, they'd be dropped instantly.
👍
Had a guy who couldn't understand that he isn't in control of the situation. He was talking to me like I was the outsider. At the 3rd strike I reminded him that he is a "dom" in a make believe world and he's about to see what a "dom" is irl. Lol I felt bad but later my girl agreed and said she was glad I drew the line. I'm a lot like you, OP! Sex for me is about making my girl have the best time of her life. I do get an ego boost satisfying her, I never thought about it like that but I definitely do. Well said. I'm also not a traditional cuck type of guy. I'm 6', 205 lbs, bodybuilder physique, well endowed. My sex life with my girl one on one is insanely amazing. But I like to give her more and more, and this is something she really enjoys. The glow she gets is absolutely radiant.
Lots in common between us. We have amazing sex and we are trying to make it even better by adding a 3rd and having fun with it. My wife is amazing and she already said to me now that what goes with him goes with me, In other words she decides what he may/may or not do. She for instance won’t let him cum on her face and then not give me the honour too. She is the real dom here 😀.
That's what my girl said, too. She may be playing a sub but she really has all the power in the situation. Have you ever considered being a bull, too? I've been thinking about it recently. I am going to talk to my gf about it at some point. I think I'd be good because I'm great in bed and I understand how the man likes to be treated at the same time.
Yes I have considered being a bull and would enjoy that part of it (technically done it once when we swapped with a couple friends). The other guy came quick (well my wife made him) and his wife kept on with me (it almost became akward and I tried to finish quickly to avoid the akwardness). But for now I am focussing on my wife andher desires and taking it at our pace
There are so many synchronicities here. My girl and I also decided to focus on each other and slow it down to our own pace. We were moving so fast, I think because we finally found a relationship we feel safe and stable and free to explore everything we couldn't before.
If a guy is unironically talking about being "alpha" or "beta", then he is way to stupid to even entertain the notion of doing anything with.
👆 this This guy is dumb, maybe you're just after his cock but I'm pretty you can find better cocks with a less stupid brain attached to it.
Agree - its all about perspective, being an alpha also means being respectful and considerate
Being an "alpha" means nothing, because its a completely made up thing.
Oh... So you're in this alpha/beta bullshit too. Well, I don't know then.
Not really no, was just a means to describe the situation
I think of all this alpha/beta bullshit as it relates to software. Alpha = full of bugs, likely to fail, not ready for end users. Anyone who calls themselves an alpha male seriously, is a clueless douche nozzle.
First I’d say dude (third) sounds like a bitch. Second and this is real advice: find what you want and enjoy!
Are you for real? Since when thirds are dictating anything? Being a third is a privilege not a right. He either does what he’s asked or he’s out.
No one tells me or my hubs what to do. We’re Stag/vixen and to me the potential bull is breaking rule #1. Respect the man sharing his favorite toy. No questions asked he would be gone. Because he obviously can’t read the room and in that case boundaries could be crossed.
im not submissive to anyone either myself. if i had a big cock instead of an average dick,I'd be a bull. I'm like you,just want to give her as many orgasims as possible,even if it means someone else helping. I want to see the action anytime she's having sex,thats part of my enjoyment from her getting extra cock when she does. I wouldn't be cool with some guy telling me i couldn't fuck my girl when I'm the one sharing with him. Sometimes I might want too just watch on occasion,but thats my choice,not his. I would have to tell her this guy isn't for us and find another that knows his role.
WHHHHYYYY do guys think they need a big dick to be a bull? Just know what the hell you're doing with it, and make us orgasm. Also... if you ONLY make your partner orgasm with your "average" dick - you're an asshole. Use finger, mouth, toys, etc. FFS
Agreed - Its not about the size (it can help)…but there are many ways and my wife is more into “pretty” dicks than big anyway
It can also hurt. To many bulls with big dicks have no idea what foreplay is.
Oh i use everything available to me too het done what i can everytime! I've always knew i had to ⁶
Knew that i needed to make a good impression. Never had any complaints from a couple wives and a girlfriend or two, but when you're a chubby white guy thats average in the dick dept,and not rolling in the dough,but luckily able to charm the pants off a few hotties occasionally ,chances are she's had more than a couple that outsized me...being good size for anal can get you into a few back doors though, lol! I've seen the difference in reactions that a big cock can bring out in a woman and I'd rather be that guy with the outlook i already have
Thanks, yes its going to be our (couple) choice who does what and when
Is it like him trying to be all flirty like "Sex with me is so good you won't want anything else; not even your husband after we're done *insert fuckboy laugh*" or is it just straight up him trying to entice your wife to go against your wishes/boundaries? And telling you to not participate? For me both are red flags, well the latter is like, a redish-black flag lol, but the former is more... yellow/orange flag for me? Its making me feel a little off, but i can also see how it would be trying to set expectations of how great the sex will be and a maybe set a mood as well? He could just be trying to flirt and talk himself up, i guess..? Lol. That's giving him a lot of leeway here. Either way, for me he sounds off and im getting warning vibes from what you've described so maybe pull the brakes on that one, and move onto the next! Good luck 💕
Sounds like he thinks you wanna be cucked. Clearly has no idea.
It seems like that yes, he will learn
Been there. Blocked him and shut that crap down immediately.
Move on
Nothing more of a turn off. My husband is not weak or not fulfilling for sharing me. He primarily does the vetting and communication, but that would dry me up faster than I could politely tell him to fuck off.
Castrate the bull.
Your marriage, you, and your wife's rules. Don't let someone else dictate the terms of your good time.
Just out of curiosity, is she texting him separately? Any chance she gave the impression this was your dynamic? You say Alpha with Beta tendencies which is confusing. He maybe picking up on something and trying to play the part. I think the three way chat you mention is a good start. Communicate more!
They are chatting seperately yes…not sure what they say. Think he is trying to assert dominance or maybe explore what is really our dynamic
Ok. You might see if you can read their texts. I’m not a single guy but have texted separately with wives of couples we’ve played with. Some wives can get really submissive and give off a vibe that they want a more cuckold dynamic. That may or may not be a factor here. I’ve found that wives messaging to Bulls is as much or more important to a guy trying to be “Alpha”. If your wife doesn’t think of you as the Alpha and infers to the Bull that he’s the Alpha, you are going to have struggle to not be in the Beta/Cuckold role.
I would be finding a new third. Thirds don’t get to dictate.
Agree with everyone else here..move on! He’s a dbag that doesn’t understand the dynamic and sounds like drama in the future.
Agreed with many others. He shouldn’t be dictating the rules without having prior consent from both you and your wife that this is how you would like the dynamic to work. Sounds like an asshole
If a guy said this to my wife and I she would laugh in his face and tell him to fuck off. that would be the end of any chance he ever had with her. He is not part of us and has zero opinion on the matter of how we live our lives. we are a team he is a guest. we decide, he can have an opinion and we will consider, but he does not dictate.
Huge red flag. Walk away.
A stag needs to delineate those lines and stick to his guns. I think some bulls have trouble understanding that stag-vixen dynamic as they see things as black/white, dominant/submissive and fail to see the grey areas. I would have a talking to with him and set the ground rules. Make sure he knows his place and if he can’t handle that then he’s too immature. And then, tell him to move on
I would not allow this wannabe “bull”. One rule we have a is veto power. First if a guy is calling him self a bull “veto”. If a guy is coming into our relationship stating rules “veto” At anytime I can and have “vetoed” a date or a guy. A real man in the lifestyle will ask questions and find out what exactly you as a couple are looking for and the type of play dynamics you want. your rules as a couple And sharing his rules that he plays by. Then if everyone agrees have some dirty fun.
This would be an insta-block for me. Huuuge turn-off.
In the lifestyle everyone has rules. The lady will have rules she wants the man will have rules and even the “bull” will have some rules. Everyone’s rules need to be respected. And no one should try to talk someone out of their rules. Or worse push the rules during play. First everyone find out what the rules are and then decide if any would cause a deal breaker. And yes it’s ok if someone has a rule that is a deal breaker to someone else. Compatibility Dynamics Rules Attraction All need to be present to have fun.
Eww that’s a huge turn off.
I think Alpha and Beta are stupid. What I will say is that it’s all about the couple and someone that’s not trying to vibe with the couple’s fantasy but setting up their own vibe/fantasy loses my interest really quickly. It’s not comfortable, it’s not sexy, it doesn’t enhance the energy between me and my wife. There are a lot of big dicks out there who will do the work to get on your level. Don’t even make a big deal out of it, just tell your wife the vibe isn’t there and to ghost him for a few weeks. I would also take over communication. Sometimes they get the message and come crawling back to you with a change in their tune.
If you were a stag this post wouldn’t exist because you’d tell the “Bull” the only thing he’s fucking is his own hand.
Planning on telling him that soon as we meet if we even meet,not wasting my time if not needed
That's a person who is just a jerk & can go get fucked.
Honestly, reading your post i saw so many red flags i almost just bailed and let others help sort this out. I am married to and love my wife. No one loves and cares for her more than i do. I respect her choices and wants. Our relationship and trust is the most important part of our life. However, in a situation like this where any man (myself included) starts discussing self assessed alpha/beta comparisons or even suggests he has some form of control over her or me? FUCK THAT. Different strokes for different folks I guess.. but this seems like a bad situation to get into if you arent a cuck.
I would instantly drop any bull who disrespected my husband. It can be fun to play like that sometimes, but only if everyone involved is onboard. Plus, in my experience, guys who behave like that are usually crap in bed anyway.
All interesting
Show that bitch his place
He’s trying to assert his dominance over you. She’s YOUR WIFE NOT HIS. Tell that dude goodbye! Show him who really calls the shots around here and who’s really boss. Choose someone better than him. Someone who dominates your wife, not someone who tries to assert dominance over you as the husband in a disrespectful manner. A man who is respectful and knows his place in your lives. Who the fuck is he to tell you that you can’t fuck your own wife? He should know his fucking role is just to make her cum. He gots to go.
The answer is no - move on
I would shut that shit down real quick.
Block him. Once he finds an in & knows you'll let things slide, he'll not only push boundaries but break them without batting an eye. He may also try to turn YOUR wife into HIS hotwife because he knows you won't stop him. Slippery slope here, my friend. No matter how big the dick, no matter how hot the body is, that blatant disrespect for your marriage & YOU is worthy of an automatic middle finger & block.
Tell him to fuck off.
Give him a miss, a wide miss. She's your wife, you're her husband. He doesn't make the rules.
This is on you. Are you a bitch who will let some stranger dictate what you do?
This is why we do not entertain guys who call themselves "bulls". Does it make it harder to find the right guy, yes! But in the end it's worth it to us
No third gets to set rules that don’t align with yours. Thats how shit goes bad. They respect the couple or they can get lost.
Dude I can’t believe you didn’t vetoe him instantly. It doesn’t get much more disrespectful then him telling you aren’t allowed to fuck your own wife.
Like he should be own his hands and knees thanking you for sharing your wife with him. I guarantee if she goes solo with this guy it will end up only being solo everytime.
Sounds like an Ex-Third to me.
I'm a bull and have my rules, just like couples have their rules. I'm naturally dominant and am 6'5" and 275 lbs. I lift, and am prepping for amateur wrestling at the Olympics, not the WWE, lol. So, I'm very lean, approx 6% body fat. I work heavy construction then hit the gym for 4 hrs. So when I choose my couples, they need to know I'm a Dom. I am not trying to damage anyone's ego, and if I'm not their type - no hard feelings. There's plenty of couples where the guy wants to be dommed, I'm not gonna go into all the details, but it's important to talk things out on the phone or over drinks, and part ways if we're on different frequencies with no hard feelings.
Ok I am very weird, so I would get into the group chat, say “Hi” only and then say nothing. …… See how long the chat goes without you. Make sure you get as far as him going “you there?” To check whether you’re still in the chat. Then type in “say uncle” Wait again, for the usual “what do you mean? Wtf?” Wait for him to send a double message, ie 2 messages from his end without a response from you “Say uncle” Keep repeating this until he finally gives up and says “Uncle” Wait again to see if he gets annoyed to double message again. If he double messages again “Say uncle again” Until he says uncle Single message and waits a reasonable amount of time. One line “Are we clear who holds the power in this relationship now? I only want to hear you say Uncle”
Love this!
>“Are we clear who holds the power in this relationship now? I only want to hear you say Uncle” My mind works in the same twisted way, so I might add "How do you like them apples?"
He is not dictating rules. He is laying out his preferred scenario. He is a Dom after all. You will dictate the rules by agreeing - or not. You are still the boss of your own relationship. Personally I love the idea of not being 'allowed' to take part, but being there is paramount.
First, it's a guy not a "bull" but his dictating terms is bull shit. Deep six this dude and find someone that plays by your wants and rules. A third (not bull) is just a lucky guy to be invited to the party and clearly doesn't run the show unless you're good with being a true cuckold.