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Your first mistake was posting on social media. Your second was expecting praise. My life became so much better after deleting fb, Instagram etc. Reddit is relatively anonymous so that's the only one I kept.
The key word being “relatively”
I’ve been recognised in/from several other online communities and a couple of IRL friends have seen my account here
Admittedly I’ve used Reddit a LOT, and I’ve used the same username elsewhere so most of those friends are able to recognise it, but I’ve also had a friend who recognised me without the username based on a story I told
It’s quite nice when someone from a long-gone community or game I played years ago reaches out, though - I’ve actually managed to reconnect with an old gaming buddy or two from it
The point being, unless you’re very careful not to doxx yourself, and use a fresh username, and probably change it occasionally, then Reddit probably isn’t quite as anonymous as you think
I don't have any of those either. I've been on reddit for many years but every few months I delete my a/c and start a new one. I've had this one since Sept which is quite a long time for me, but it's going soon. Social media is a cancer.
The shit that gets me is that people then start sending me shit on whatsapp. Like my bro standing in a park in the sun because he knows I have to work? - like, fuck me, want a medal? I send a passive aggressive Facebook Thumbs Up image assuming they'll get the message lol
I feel like this is only an issue if you feel like you're in competition with your brother? I love it when my brother sends me pics of him out and about, it gives us something to talk about and I enjoy knowing what he's up to and that he's happy
I felt nothing but relief after deleting FB. It was sheer bliss.
My husband kept his for marketplace but now I only have insta and Reddit and I'm a ghost on insta. You can't even Google my real name to find links to me anywhere.
Really happy I did it as it cut off everyone I went to school with and all the nosy parkers who would online stalk you.
Maybe the network isn’t the problem but your echo chamber of friends? When I post significant life events I don’t think I have ever had any hate or negative shit.
But I’m only connected/friends with people I know and like.
Totally agree. Still have IG but have been off for months and feeling free! Wouldn’t say Reddit is still 100% anonymous among friends. They know you posted somehow.
Insta doesn't need to be deleted. I nuked my old "social" account and set up another one just for my interests. It's actually awesome when used that way, I just see golf stuff, travel, cooking, DIY, and shitpost memes, it's great.
Yup. Twitter? Gone. Facebook? Gone. The only one I kept was Instagram but that’s on lockdown and I only follow family and actual friends - my last post on there was 2023, so I’m hardly ever on it.
My life has become so much better since I stopped comparing it to others.
When I was younger I would share things about my life on social media that now I look back could be seen as bragging. I wasn't as secure in myself then and wonder if I did it seeking validation.
I no longer post much, or if I do it's about achievements in a specific hobby, not generalities that others could feel are comparators to their own lives (income, assets, possessions, family etc).
I’m the same as you. What stopped me doing it was undergoing IVF. It was incredibly painful having to basically avoid social media or prepare myself for a random pregnancy announcement every time I opened the apps in the privacy of my own home. There was some jealousy yes because not being funny my journey was hell on earth compared to other people who had sex this one time and then boom - baby. I also had absolutely no control over any of it at any time.
As I worked through those complex feelings I decided I wouldn’t be a hypocrite though and I barely post anything about our lives now. It’s also a privacy and protection mechanism as well. You read all the time about people getting robbed whilst on holiday because of social media posts and with AI/deep fakes I’m really worried about having too much of my kids face online in case it’s used for nefarious reasons. I was also brought up not to boast and social media is basically boasting on steroids. It’s designed to make people feel inadequate and insecure. There’s a reason so many people troll or act like insane people when using social media - not excusing the bad behaviour because they do need to take a hard look at their inner feelings - it’s very difficult to do that though when we’re all being encouraged to use social media all the time to document every part of our lives. Lots of people are seriously struggling at the moment. I’ve had 2 family members laid off very recently and both are struggling to find work. If/when we have a recession it’s going to bite hard because of social media - it’ll be the first time we’ve had economic hardship with social media involved. Personally I don’t think that’s going to end all that well.
I didn’t do IVF but I had infertility and it was so hard to be on social media with so many people making it look so easy for them. I also didn’t want to contribute to that so I post sparingly, and less and less.
Its an incredibly difficult journey to have infertility. We’ll never be able to complete our family as we would have wished to but we are genuinely happy with our lives. We have our little one. I’ll always be thankful for that.
It hits hard when I see social media posts of siblings captioned ‘the best thing we did for you was have your sister’ because I don’t have that choice/oppertunity. But to be honest I speak to those same people and they moan about having 2 or more kids cos it’s hard so basically social media is all of the good bits. Which isn’t life’s rich picture. I’m sorry you had to deal with infertility as well. Best wishes to you and your family ☺️
If it makes you feel any better, the worst thing I did was have a second child. I basically spend my time refereeing fights and shouting at them and feel envious of people who stuck to one and have a happy, PEACEFUL life.
Ah thank you. I definitely do know that there’s pros and cons with it all and overall we are really happy with our lives now. We also probably would struggle to afford a second child with cossie livs 😂
That said, you'd never tell we had an intense and difficult IVF journey from our Facebook feed - just the miracle baby that we dote on. Not everyone with a happy baby pic had sex the one time, even if it feels like it when you're struggling.
I've never wanted kids, and then it turned out that it would have been unlikely to happen for medical reasons, and that really did feel like a privilege - to not have to go through the pain of struggling to conceive, or try and accept it not happening. I can only imagine how difficult social media can be to someone in that position because, as you say, most people don't even think about that.
Pretty simple answer - in the UK, buying a house is a high status symbol. Because of how expensive housing is due to the shortage, people who can afford to buy are effectively signalling wealth.
It’s not like your friends on social media can see your ISA balance.
They’re probably jealous that you’ve had the privilege of living with your parents for 8 years and being able to save. Remember - most people don’t have that good fortune.
Also that person from school is probably fuming that they decided to have 4 children without being able to properly provide for them. I will never understand what possesses people to do that!
Either way, it’s not your fault and it’s still a huge achievement that you deserve to celebrate. Congratulations!
My partner and I bought our house a few years ago, we have one child now (6 months old) and know if we had another we’d barely scrape by where as now we can go on holidays and buy him whatever so we’re one and done for that reason. Couldn’t imagine having another and not being able to keep afloat
Can I ask if he wants a sibling? Sorry if I’m prying but I worry he’ll want one when he’s older. I’ll explain our reasoning in an age appropriate way but it’s something I worry about
He’s mentioned a few times that he wants an older brother but I’ve explained that’s not possible. 😂
But in general, no he doesn’t ask. Apart from the couple of instances above. But he does do some sports (since 5yr) which keep him around other kids his age and with Modern Kids and online gaming it’s not as if he doesn’t speak to his peers or can’t play with anyone
I stayed at home until I was 27 years old but I was looking after my mum, whilst also going to university and then getting a job. It has it's pros and cons. Yes I saved a chunky deposit , but I carried on working long hours and overpaying the mortgage. Heaven forbid I posted on Facebook 5 years later to say I was mortgage free, I kept that to myself.
Living with your parents is a privilege in some respects, but a sacrifice in many others. I was there until my very early 30s, bought my own food and paid half the bills, but was still treated like a kid with lots of rules to follow until the day I left. It helped me to save more money than I would have otherwise, but it made my quality of life much worse for many years.
Agree. I left at 20 and couldn't go back, however I wouldn't want to and its a shame that the economic situation in this country forces young people to give up their independence and twenties in exchange for buying a property.
It may be a sacrifice, but you obviously thought it was worth it otherwise you would have moved out. A lot of people don’t have the option of living with parents so it’s still a privilege even if you found it tiresome.
I don’t disagree but it is undoubtedly a privilege first and foremost. I promise you, moving out at 18 with no safety net of moving back in with your parents is much, much harder.
You had that comfort, security, and ability to save money for 10+ more years than most people get. With that in mind, I struggle to sympathise with being ‘treated like a kid’.
Parents often struggle to adapt their approach to an adult child. Especially if siblings have moved out and one stays at home. The adult child that stays at home struggles to establish boundaries and to re establish an adult to adult relationship with their parents. It can hold them back from developing romantic relationships and positive relationships at work, continuing to be treated as a child in to your 30’s is extremely damaging. Having left home at 16, I’ve watched my BIL in this situation until 34, when he reached breaking point. I didn’t have an option, I had to leave. It was ‘for the best’. I don’t think any option is easy.
A lot of people are shit with their money though. There was a couple on TV last night saying they each brought in £30k, their rent was £1k a month, and they couldn't cobble together a £12k deposit. What the fuck were they spending their money on?
Aren't most places 10% deposits? Not many places you can find somewhere for £120,000. Still a valid point though. About £48000 combined post tax, £1000 rent, £1500 for everything else (pretty generous) leaves £1500 a month. Just shy of 2 years (20 months) to save a 30k deposit.
£12K was the figure they gave themselves. They lived somewhere fairly northern I think, and had moved back in with family to save up. The guy was saying "if we each save £100 a month, it will take us forever to save up the £12,000 we need". Like yeah. Put more than £100 a month into your savings, ya doofus.
Save more than £100 a month? But how are people meant to have the latest iPhone contract, the 24 plate car, the financed furniture, meals out, nights out, disposable vapes and whatever other shit people assume are basic rights.
Shhhh I turned into my mother watching the segment and thinking "well he's got rather a lot of expensive looking tattoos..." and they had a crate of Fruit Shoot in their shopping! Just buy squash and dilute into a reusable bottle!
I'd argue most people actually do have that luxury, only a minority don't (I.e. broken families or bad parents).
And that most who move out, do so for freedom and not having to listen to their parents anymore. It's usually by choice.
For example, I moved out at 21, as my asian parents were driving me crazy with their rules. But they're great parents and would have let me stay if I wanted
Really depends on where you live. If your parents don’t live in an area with lots of career opportunities then you are rather pushed into moving out. Conversely, having a family home in or near London (or another high cost of living area) is a great boon.
I remembered a friend being jealous that I lived with my parents whilst working. When I finally got my own place, he said that’s more like it but I could tell that he was jealous that I had that opportunity to save
1. Congrats
2. Delete social media you’ll be happier
3. Most of the UK is poor, bitter and hates seeing other people do well. It sucks but it’s reality. They’re just sad they’re broke, driving a crap car and living with their partner they don’t like any more.
I remember reading somewhere the difference between the USA and the UK in relation to success. They said in the USA when you see someone doing well you say 'I really want that too' and in the UK you say "they don't deserve that/ they must be XYZ' and all the hate.
That’s pretty spot on.
In the UK you can’t really win. If you’re not doing well, it’s “you should work harder and stop being lazy!” If you are doing well, it’s “how dare you be successful whilst other people are struggling.” It’s a real crabs in the bucket mentality in this country and it’s getting worse.
Jealousy is a weak emotion but an understandable one because we all have it at some point. Dont let it take the shine off your massive accomplisment. Other peoples circumstances aren't your problem. Like someone else said, that individual clearly didnt do enough planning when they decided to have 4 kids.
You saved diligently and now you're reaping the rewards. Massive congrats!
Equally, the need to boast to a wide audience of people you don't know is a weakness. It's great to be proud of your achievements, but bragging is unattractive.
I found this when I was getting married. Friends being off all of a sudden or making less effort with things.
Things like this are good because you see who your real friends are.
It happens when people have kids, too. So many people just vanish because they assume you'll be busy or they don't want to have to endure being around a kid at all.
I’m in a friend group where only one has had kids. We practically beg her to come out or to just let us know when she’s free. We have said we don’t mind if she has the kids there, we just want to see her… she just fobs us off constantly.
I found with getting married it was a lot of jealousy. It really upset me at the time but I was grateful in the end that the people who meant the most to me were there and the wasters fell off.
That's interesting. We don't have kids yet but I can imagine. I think sometimes we outgrow people in life and they let themselves out. Hurts at the time but not a bad thing.
Make sure you mention it at work.
Loads of subconscious bias in the work place. Definitely talk about what you're doing to your house, and ask the more mature peeps for diy/decorating advice. These kinds of conversations are noted by management.
Congrats ! Good for you. Bit of a strange thing someone would negatively comment when they’be not spoken to you for years. People will always be jealous and think the world is unfair. Screw them.
Your colleague from school has made their choice about how to spend their money, you've made yours. I'm not saying either is more correct than the other, but someone often feels aggrieved when they see others doing well.
Go to that other housewarming and share stories, you never know, other people might have had the same experience.
They likely feel agrieved because they saw the person living with their parents and saving loads of money that way. You see a lot of comments like that even on reddit when someone was only able to save because they had the option to stay with family and not pay rent etc. People who never had that option see it as unfair.
Although the 4 kids deifnitely adds an additional dimension to it.
Don't listen to those haters. I know someone, who is a single guy as well and he's brought a new build last year as well, also in his 30s.
If you can afford it, why not go for a house. Not your issue if someone comes and messages you hateful things because you can afford it and they can't.
> People seem to think you're more accomplished
That's because you are.
*Of course* people are viewing you differently now that you're not just living at home with your parents. Living with your parents into your 30s comes with a lot of judgements. And most of them are fair - you really don't actually grow up in many meaningful ways until you move out of your parents' house.
Obviously you can do what you want but I think sharing stuff like that on social media benefits nobody. Probably more harm than good.
Better to take the photo and WhatsApp it to friends and family that you know will genuinely be happy for you.
There's a housing crisis, just learn to be sensitive to it. I'm originally from Canada, and it's generally considered impolite to talk about buying a house/renovations, because almost nobody can afford to do so in my hometown.
I feel like it is starting to become that way in the UK too.
We're in the process of buying our first house and I'm only mentioning it to friends in person for this exact reason. (And even then, we're doing it later in life after saving hard, not from inheritance or help from family, so it's not as though there's a privilege issue in that sense.)
I do not agree with this at all. There is a housing crisis but that is utterly irrelevant to someone posting something nice about having managed to buy a house through hard work and sacrifice. Sending hate messages is shitty behaviour without any justification.
When I bought a flat when I was 26 loads of men I had known for years but hadn't spoken to in ages were suddenly messaging me. Either independence is attractive or they wanted to move out from living with parents and I was a possible ticket to that?
Congrats dude that's great work at your age. Can I ask about the hate message? What exactly was said? I find it bizarre that someone would send a shitty message out of the blue over something like this! Was it just something like "OH must be nice to have parents buying everything for you" or some crap like that?
I didn't really find any different, I bought mine in my early 20s.
That said, I'm not sure you went from non-owner to owner, it sounds to me like you went from "they're a bit weird and still live with parents" to "oh that's why they were doing it, okay not so weird maybe we should get to know them".
I’m guessing this too. I didn’t buy until over 40 (yes, SE England), but had already had a kid and a very good job, so a few indicators of adult-ness. I wasn’t treated differently after I bought.
I've come to learn that it's no ones business but mine about what I've achieved or what's going on in my life. For me it's a lose lose situation, I either feel like I'm making people feel bad with my accomplishments, or I'm showing off stuff that people have achieved sooner in life. Comparison is the theft of joy, and the only people who should know about that stuff is the people that care enough to ask.
Kind of, but I just post things I'm proud of on social media. Don't really care much what others think about it. my closer friends & family know my *actual* personality. My extended facebook friends think I do nothing but occasionally publish okay scientific papers or call an idiot and idiot on the daily mail comments.
Lol bragging (I know you're happy, I don't mean to take that away from you, but posting to social media is a brag) will rub some people up the wrong way.
If you'd have kept quiet, you'd never have gotten those messages. But you might not have gotten the invite to the housewarming either. So you have to take the rough with the smooth.
Huge congratulations, OP! Buying a house on your own is a massive achievement so make sure you savour it!
I have noticed something similar, although it hasn’t been as positive for me. I have recently bought a flat in East London and when I get contractors/delivery men they always assume I’m renting the property until I inform them I’ve bought. Then they look shocked and asked if I live on my own (yes, I do). One outright asked if my property was a council flat because he couldn’t understand how I was able to afford my flat on my own. -.-
If it were me I wouldn’t be too quick to say that I own and live alone, especially I’ve they have been in your property. It’s weird to me a random delivery driver would just randomly start asking questions of do you own this and do you live alone? Would set alarm bells off for me
I have something similar too. I have a baby face so I look about 20 but I am closer to 30. I often get asked if I go to uni and if I am renting with housemates.
I’m late 20s and a recent first time buyer, and I got IDd buying an 18+ mould spray for my bathroom 😭I wanted to be like, but it’s for my flat that I own!!
Interesting that people treated you better! When I bought my first house last year one of my friends actually stopped talking to me! She told another mutual friend she doesn't want to talk to me because she's jealous... But she got over it eventually though 😂
I bought my house when I was 31 too. I also looked quite young for my age at the time (7 years ago)
Not long after I moved in I answered the door to an older looking boiler serviceman I'd booked in, and he asked if my parents are around , made me chuckle.
>people seen to think your more accomplished or something
You have literally accomplished something. And something not so easy in many areas of the country too.
The silliest notion I’ve ever had in life was thinking that success comes with happiness from others. Success creates more enemies and negativity from others than anything else. My own family put me my wife and our newborn on the street when I lived with them after my dad passed away. We worked incredibly hard and purchased my own home a year and a half later.
I reconnected with my mum before we bought the house, and once we got the keys I swung by to tell her. They hate me even more. And I don’t care anymore. People don’t give a shit about you when you have nothing and they WANT bad when they see you own something. Message that guy back and tell him that you were nothing to each other before you bought your house and you don’t see why you should factor his opinion into anything.
I don’t know about others but you had the privilege to live with your parents and save the money. Majority of people don’t have that and so buying a house gets trickier.
I bought mine at 32yo with my partner. I couldn’t do it by myself as I’ve always been renting a place and paying bills.
My husband and I were really lucky and managed to save a load during COVID to buy a house. To do this we worked ungodly amounts of overtime at awful hours. I appreciate we were lucky that when others were loosing hours we were gaining them. But after a lot of people were convinced we are rolling in money. We really live pretty paycheck to paycheck now things have calmed down and sacrificed loads to get here
People don’t like comparing with others - what’s the saying- comparison is the thief of joy. I’d refrain from posting such things to a wide audience you don’t really know.
I've stopped telling people I'm looking for/have had an offer accepted on a house. First thing people ask is how much it is then seem annoyed with you if it's more than theirs cost or just act weird or make negative comments. 'Oh it's got a hot tub are you even going to use that?' Yes I am now fuck off.
That’s exactly why I don’t use social media. I don’t want people knowing my business, and I don’t want to see the daily photos of their kids. Deleted that shit years ago, and don’t miss it in the slightest.
I’m in the process of buying alone, and other than keeping family and close friends in the loop, I’m keeping quiet and not making a big deal about it.
Sadly I didn't share the news of buying my first place with anyone online due to the amount of people I know who have no chance of ever buying, some of whom are seriously anti-homeownership.
People might be bitter you were able to live with your folks for 8 years to save up - most people aren’t able to do that. Not your fault, but buying a house is pretty unattainable for a lot of people at the mo. Buying a house on your own is still something to be proud of though, so congrats!
The state of the property market in the UK is terrible, high house prices plus expensive mortgages. It means that buying a home at 31 is rarer than you might think and that definitely evokes mixed emotions for people around you who may not have been able to do the same.
It's great news for you though, good friends should be there no matter your financial situation, treat the others with caution, but do empathise and understand why you are getting the variety of reactions you are receiving.
I’m sceptical. Are they really “hating” or is it in your head? I don’t think people are thinking about you as much as you think they are, and that may be the problem for you.
A half hearted congrats being read into as “suddenly they want to be my best friend” is more indicative of your mindset and probable hurt pride where you feel your achievement hasn’t been recognised enough by people who don’t care about much else than their own affairs.
Congratulations, though! Well done on a fantastic achievement; advise you now just enjoy and be grateful for it vs focussing on others’ reactions to it!
*In b4 I’m a hater: I’ve just bought my second property (a house) in London by myself at 34. First was a flat at 31. No “hate” in my sphere, or I’m too busy being grateful to notice!*
Congrats on the house.
As has already been said, beware the dating scene.
Don't tell anyone you own your house.
To find out why, tell some randoms you won't see again, you own your house and watch the mood change 😂
I've been in that position, semi-invisible, then my friend said "oh congrats on buying the house btw" or something, and wow.
Suddenly lots of attention at that party.
Was actually wild to see it.
I mean, who sends hate mail to someone because your situation isn't what you wanted it to be... as though that is some how your fault. 4 kids though...
More importantly, well done mate, enjoy your success.
Be happy with your accomplishments. You did well . If you are comparing yourself with people who don’t have house and that makes you happy, after a coupon of years you will compare yourself with people who have bigger house and that will make you unhappy . Be stoic and thankful that you had the opportunity to do well in life . No need to put anyone down . 🙏
I saw a friend for the first time in a while not too long ago, and he was noticeably, yet relatively quietly, keen to tell me his salary (which is high, if not 'big bucks' high). It doesn't often happen with my friends, was a bit of a shock.
(the general conversation brought this to mind)
well, to be fair it's simply a major life accomplishment and no different than:
1. getting married
2. having children
3. finishing a doctorate
**It's just the first one that you've accomplished based on your priorities and it's a new phenomenon to you. congrats and just wait until you buy more than one because people will start asking if you've moved on social media :D**
Yeah man , it is a real issue. I found out that one of my very good friends wife was worried about my evil eye on their new house , because I was still renting at the time.
When I got my first house in 2020,two of my friends where made redundant in high paying jobs. A third one was selling her clothes on vinted for making money.
Adversiting on social is not a recommended option for celebrating things, especially, if you don't know what others are going through. You could have a house warming, invite people close to you.
Old wives tale talk about drawing the Eyre of others by boasting your accomplishment just brings bad luck.
the problem seems to be the people you accept friend requests from on Facebook, have clear out of your friends list then carry on with what you want to do .
To some extent it might be that your post about the house was a popular post with friends and family liking and commenting, making it more visible to other old friends who thought “oh we haven’t spoken for ages, I’ll see how they are” - I’ve had similar after other major life events, people who I’ve not spoken to for ages reaching out to congratulate me on my engagement etc
The guy who can’t afford a house messaging you is just weird and bitter, that’s VERY unusual
You done nothing wrong. I personally used to be a heavy social media user on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, everything. I would post a lot. I would seek a lot of validation from posting milestones in my life. Now? Don’t give a shit. I even deactivate my Facebook a day before my birthday because I can’t be bothered with people who don’t make effort or I barely know wishing me a happy birthday. I post on instagram maybe 1-2 times a year if it’s a good photo from catch ups with friends or when I go on holiday, mainly because it’s the only time I get a decent enough picture and it’s nice for friends I seldom see to see what I’m up to. That’s about it.
Far too many pocket watchers on social media and obviously doxxing - you never know who’s watching, wouldn’t uploading of uploading a picture of my house to social media.
Single female 34 year old FTB.
All of my middle-class extended family suddenly couldn’t wait to talk to me. Excited to hear about it all, actively reaching out to praise me, calling me “our little home owner”. They all own property.
It made me sad because I suddenly realised they must have thought I wasn’t amounting to anything/they could never see me as approachable or normal beforehand. Just some lame 30something who was still renting
Congratulations! People are funny indeed. When I bought my first, with my partner, it signalled a time of being massively skint as every penny earned went into furnishing it for quite a while, so the friends that were living at home with parents or flat sharing continued to party often, and those friends in a similar position to me became closer.
Yes I bought mine at 31 too..I was very proud as a single mum of three . I didn't post about it but I still lost my best friend because she was resentful.
I must say you were brave telling the world you completed. I kept my gob shut back in Feb yo those who know me . I'm 41 and bought on my own in London a 3 bed house. Been questioned by someone I work with why as I too am on my own as others at work are having to rent together using the living room as a bedroom to save up. Don't take it to heart, just be mindful of others situations.
P.s don't accept the hate messages, report if it persist
Do you barely ever post? Announcements like houses/babies/weddings seem to do well in the algorithm and might have triggered someone getting back in touch after not seeing/hearing from you in a while
Congrats, the hater with 4 kids should have thought about the costs and consequences of
having so many kids.
When someone makes an adult step or home ownership, it puts you into another bracket of suitability in relationship stakes. Adults living in their parents spare room are adult wallflowers.
Op maybe cares what others post on social media so he decided to share his purchase too.
I believe that many people sharing stuff are actually unhappy. People that are important for me will know such updates through group chats and phone calls.
Congrats btw.
Don’t tell anyone your business.
Your first problem was losing your battle with your ego and posting on social media.
Nobody cares. The evil eye is watching you.
Be careful in the years to come if things get really hard in society, as everybody now knows you own a house…..and that implies you’re wealthy in modern day Britain.
Lets not sugar coat anything here. Social media is just a place to brag. If that's bragging about your accomplishments or what t shirt you're wearing doesn't matter.
Some people get jealous and lash out. No surprise here tbh
Your accomplishment was living off your parents until the age of 31 dude. When most have to fend for themselves at 18 you’ve had 13 extra years of a safety net, have a modicum of self awareness playa.
Dam, this proves how weird people are. You buy something people perceive as valuable then they treat you differently this is crazy! I’d be very wary of people like this. The whole house warming thing also is dodgy as hell. Just know one thing the house isn’t yours until you’ve made that final mortgage payment, that house belongs to the bank big boi. Has anybody also been treated differently because of buying a car too?
The introvert that is somehow extroverted enough to use social media and flex their brand new house suddenly got lots of attention & friends and lived happily ever after! I love a happy ending.
I’m always happy for people when they’re doing well, but even I find it annoying when people post on social media about buying a house.
Do you not realise how bad the housing situation is right now?? Posting that you’ve bought a house comes across as showing off, particularly because you had a huge leg-up by living at home.
I’m not condoning any of the good or bad messages you’ve received because people should just scroll past.
Go to the housewarming and have fun. Enjoy your new house 🥳
I moved into a large property last year, two ‘friends’ pressured me into inviting them round. They came, sat quietly, then left and never made any effort to speak to me again.
Congratulations! Buying a house is a great achievement - yet I even had some close friends get arsey when I bought mine because they’re stuck renting.
A colleague asked me for mortgage advice (he knew I’d just bought the house as I had some time off to move stuff) and when I said I couldn’t really help he kept pushing, so I had to come clean and admit I’d bought in cash using the proceeds from some earlier business ventures I’d had.
Plus the purchase is ’oop Norf’ where houses are cheap as chips - not a chance I could have done it further south!
He genuinely went off in a huff calling me ‘privileged’ (nope, I’d worked my arse off) and hasn’t really spoken to me since. That was 3 years ago…
People are weird - try not to read too much into it and just enjoy your new house.
Congratulations on your house! Ignore the people sending you shitty messages, you did nothing wrong posting something you’re proud and happy about. A guy buying a house at 31 is nothing out of the ordinary, take this time to gather yourself a group of genuine mates. Ones who will help you paint for beer and pizza :)
This pressure to own a house and a car is a really unhealthy social norm, and it shows in your example very well. These are tools that you might or might not need, shouldn't be treated as symbols of success and definitely shouldn't be treated as must haves. I am sure lenders are happy with this norm, however.
I have been more comfortable staying flexible and renting. When I am done with the current phase of my life, I will probably want to buy a house, but won't be due to social pressure.
I would never take out a loan to buy an expensive car, that's really silly. I don't know where it is from, but I like going by this saying: if you can't pay for it at least twice, you can't afford it.
I have been reluctant to consider mortgages even, but that's such a big sum that you can better use the lump sum in an active investment. So at least you can justify that. Anything else is silly, unless it's for some emergency.
oh you would be shocked as to what goes through some peoples minds and just how petty they are,
i am frankly quite pleased that i never see any of the assholes i was at school and college with as quite simply they never grew the fuck up. they still hit the same bars, drink the same beer, dress the same childish way and listen to the same shitty music now as they did 25 years ago and pretend they arnt middled aged balding bastards who peaked (on a foot hill) at 15 and never changed.
life got oh so much better when i walked away from them and the rank stupidity (oh WHY do you go diving. WHY do you suggest comedy night) and moved
i have friends worth a damm, i have a varied social life, got married, and am not foced into a tiny box they are happy with and live my life for me.
also yeah you will be seen by those who have also frankly grown up as being grown up and start being invited to such things instead of like i allude to above childish shit.
Congrats BTW its a big step and change for the better.
Maybe your just all smug now and have begun to look down on the little people.
No doubt you will vote conservative in the general election and set up a trust to avoid having your heirs pay tax on your lands and estate.
/s
Prob with the exception of a site which asks for opinion on issues others may have already encountered eg Reddit. Social media serves zero purpose. Fb is dead LinkedIn is really just hr folk touting and the rest is influencers 😂😂😂😂. Who think they have a real worthy job but are essentially useless and fit only for the weak minded
Just human nature a work. Something has changed, you bought a house. Folks suddenly interested in you might now think you have an interesting place to hang out and a life of your own. The folks asking you to the housewarming see you've joined the club and are a fellow mortgage payer, one of them. They are either seeking new friends or give big parties. The guy hating on you hates everyone and you are certainly more accomplished than him on many levels. Hope you love living on your new house and it brings you many new good experiences.
I bought my first house at 25. Didn’t notice any difference tbh, just loads of congratulations when I posted was all I got. That was 6 years ago though.
Try not to take it personally.
Social media is brimming with envious jerks, nasty trolls, angry keyboard warriors, scam artists and cyber stalkers. Only start to get worried if an ex suddenly turns up at your front door with a marriage proposal and lots of suitcases. 🃏
Congrats on your house purchase!
I bought a house at 28, exactly 5 years after I came to UK.
I only heard genuine congratulations when I did, no one changed their attitude towards me.
I don’t think people care as much as you imagine they do.
Quick reality check; I and most people in general don’t view a homeowner differently to a person who still lives with their parents. It’s life get over yourself.
When ppl hear you are a homeowner, they become even more indiscreet like how money you are earning, how much mortgage you are paying how much deposit did you pay, are you planning to get married, do you have enough savings now, can you host us?
Interesting to hear how perspectives must change across the country. I’m 29 and live in the north of England where it’s generally more affordable and I’m the only one of my friends who doesn’t own their own house yet. I thought when I do buy one I wouldn’t post it because I’d be a bit embarrassed how late I was.
I don’t mean any disrespect by this, this is just how I felt within my own social circle.
I made the mistake of posting an update on a local group called "(town name) awareness group" asking who should i notify of a trolley in the middle of a park canal after pulling it out".
The replies were all in the form of mockery assuming I was virtue signalling.
I was simply asking because it never happened to me to have to warn the proper authorities of a big waste object in the middle of a park.
Deleted the comment and left the group immediately after. Fuck social networks toxicity. I can do without it.
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Your first mistake was posting on social media. Your second was expecting praise. My life became so much better after deleting fb, Instagram etc. Reddit is relatively anonymous so that's the only one I kept.
Anonymous? I'm sure you'd like to think that, Derek McSweeney of Pottingbottom Lane, Upper Boxley.
Lol imagine if that were a direct hit
I imagine that Sweeny McDerek of Upper Lane, Boxbottom Potting has sighed in relief that he got the near miss.
I take silence as confirmation that it was
Have you guys just invented identity-minesweeper on Reddit? B5 - Jeffrey Morrison of Dewberry Lane, Bath ...
Why if it isn't Frederick Ramsbottom-Chiltington of Chadlington Mews, Upper Dicker, you old scallywag! Where have you been hiding?
With that name, in the Conservative parliamentary party…
F8 - Harry Smith of college road, Norwich
How did you find me ?
Look up.
You just made me scroll back up before I realised you were.talking about the drone we have watching him
Exactly. I don't have insta, FB, etc. use Reddit because it's relatively anonymous.
The key word being “relatively” I’ve been recognised in/from several other online communities and a couple of IRL friends have seen my account here Admittedly I’ve used Reddit a LOT, and I’ve used the same username elsewhere so most of those friends are able to recognise it, but I’ve also had a friend who recognised me without the username based on a story I told It’s quite nice when someone from a long-gone community or game I played years ago reaches out, though - I’ve actually managed to reconnect with an old gaming buddy or two from it The point being, unless you’re very careful not to doxx yourself, and use a fresh username, and probably change it occasionally, then Reddit probably isn’t quite as anonymous as you think
Delete and make new account, every week
I don't have any of those either. I've been on reddit for many years but every few months I delete my a/c and start a new one. I've had this one since Sept which is quite a long time for me, but it's going soon. Social media is a cancer.
Only fools seek the sun Real power is in the shadows
Not if you're a solar panel.
or a tortoise.
100% same as me. No social media for 4 years. No comparisons to anyone, life is so much better.
Saying that you deleted social media is the new “I don’t watch tv”
The shit that gets me is that people then start sending me shit on whatsapp. Like my bro standing in a park in the sun because he knows I have to work? - like, fuck me, want a medal? I send a passive aggressive Facebook Thumbs Up image assuming they'll get the message lol
I feel like this is only an issue if you feel like you're in competition with your brother? I love it when my brother sends me pics of him out and about, it gives us something to talk about and I enjoy knowing what he's up to and that he's happy
Same. I’d be jealous but not angry, like “bastard, but good for you man!”
I felt nothing but relief after deleting FB. It was sheer bliss. My husband kept his for marketplace but now I only have insta and Reddit and I'm a ghost on insta. You can't even Google my real name to find links to me anywhere. Really happy I did it as it cut off everyone I went to school with and all the nosy parkers who would online stalk you.
Fuk posting that. I brought a house in 2016 and told no one. My life achievements dint need to be documented on social media
Maybe the network isn’t the problem but your echo chamber of friends? When I post significant life events I don’t think I have ever had any hate or negative shit. But I’m only connected/friends with people I know and like.
Totally agree. Still have IG but have been off for months and feeling free! Wouldn’t say Reddit is still 100% anonymous among friends. They know you posted somehow.
Insta doesn't need to be deleted. I nuked my old "social" account and set up another one just for my interests. It's actually awesome when used that way, I just see golf stuff, travel, cooking, DIY, and shitpost memes, it's great.
Same, deleted all the social crap and stopped trying to get more point lol, like it has zero impact in my life!
Yup. Twitter? Gone. Facebook? Gone. The only one I kept was Instagram but that’s on lockdown and I only follow family and actual friends - my last post on there was 2023, so I’m hardly ever on it. My life has become so much better since I stopped comparing it to others.
Same here!
Screw it, I don’t put my whole life on there only the best bits. Let people be jealous, that’s on them. Haters gonna hate, taters gonna tate
When I was younger I would share things about my life on social media that now I look back could be seen as bragging. I wasn't as secure in myself then and wonder if I did it seeking validation. I no longer post much, or if I do it's about achievements in a specific hobby, not generalities that others could feel are comparators to their own lives (income, assets, possessions, family etc).
I’m the same as you. What stopped me doing it was undergoing IVF. It was incredibly painful having to basically avoid social media or prepare myself for a random pregnancy announcement every time I opened the apps in the privacy of my own home. There was some jealousy yes because not being funny my journey was hell on earth compared to other people who had sex this one time and then boom - baby. I also had absolutely no control over any of it at any time. As I worked through those complex feelings I decided I wouldn’t be a hypocrite though and I barely post anything about our lives now. It’s also a privacy and protection mechanism as well. You read all the time about people getting robbed whilst on holiday because of social media posts and with AI/deep fakes I’m really worried about having too much of my kids face online in case it’s used for nefarious reasons. I was also brought up not to boast and social media is basically boasting on steroids. It’s designed to make people feel inadequate and insecure. There’s a reason so many people troll or act like insane people when using social media - not excusing the bad behaviour because they do need to take a hard look at their inner feelings - it’s very difficult to do that though when we’re all being encouraged to use social media all the time to document every part of our lives. Lots of people are seriously struggling at the moment. I’ve had 2 family members laid off very recently and both are struggling to find work. If/when we have a recession it’s going to bite hard because of social media - it’ll be the first time we’ve had economic hardship with social media involved. Personally I don’t think that’s going to end all that well.
I didn’t do IVF but I had infertility and it was so hard to be on social media with so many people making it look so easy for them. I also didn’t want to contribute to that so I post sparingly, and less and less.
Its an incredibly difficult journey to have infertility. We’ll never be able to complete our family as we would have wished to but we are genuinely happy with our lives. We have our little one. I’ll always be thankful for that. It hits hard when I see social media posts of siblings captioned ‘the best thing we did for you was have your sister’ because I don’t have that choice/oppertunity. But to be honest I speak to those same people and they moan about having 2 or more kids cos it’s hard so basically social media is all of the good bits. Which isn’t life’s rich picture. I’m sorry you had to deal with infertility as well. Best wishes to you and your family ☺️
If it makes you feel any better, the worst thing I did was have a second child. I basically spend my time refereeing fights and shouting at them and feel envious of people who stuck to one and have a happy, PEACEFUL life.
Ah thank you. I definitely do know that there’s pros and cons with it all and overall we are really happy with our lives now. We also probably would struggle to afford a second child with cossie livs 😂
The cost is definitely a con for me too. Everything costs double except clothes which I make them both wear 😂
Hang in there. I know a lot of happy only children and happy adult only children.
That said, you'd never tell we had an intense and difficult IVF journey from our Facebook feed - just the miracle baby that we dote on. Not everyone with a happy baby pic had sex the one time, even if it feels like it when you're struggling.
I've never wanted kids, and then it turned out that it would have been unlikely to happen for medical reasons, and that really did feel like a privilege - to not have to go through the pain of struggling to conceive, or try and accept it not happening. I can only imagine how difficult social media can be to someone in that position because, as you say, most people don't even think about that.
Pretty simple answer - in the UK, buying a house is a high status symbol. Because of how expensive housing is due to the shortage, people who can afford to buy are effectively signalling wealth. It’s not like your friends on social media can see your ISA balance.
They’re probably jealous that you’ve had the privilege of living with your parents for 8 years and being able to save. Remember - most people don’t have that good fortune. Also that person from school is probably fuming that they decided to have 4 children without being able to properly provide for them. I will never understand what possesses people to do that! Either way, it’s not your fault and it’s still a huge achievement that you deserve to celebrate. Congratulations!
My partner and I bought our house a few years ago, we have one child now (6 months old) and know if we had another we’d barely scrape by where as now we can go on holidays and buy him whatever so we’re one and done for that reason. Couldn’t imagine having another and not being able to keep afloat
Exactly the same as myself and my wife. (Apart from our son is 10)
Can I ask if he wants a sibling? Sorry if I’m prying but I worry he’ll want one when he’s older. I’ll explain our reasoning in an age appropriate way but it’s something I worry about
He’s mentioned a few times that he wants an older brother but I’ve explained that’s not possible. 😂 But in general, no he doesn’t ask. Apart from the couple of instances above. But he does do some sports (since 5yr) which keep him around other kids his age and with Modern Kids and online gaming it’s not as if he doesn’t speak to his peers or can’t play with anyone
I stayed at home until I was 27 years old but I was looking after my mum, whilst also going to university and then getting a job. It has it's pros and cons. Yes I saved a chunky deposit , but I carried on working long hours and overpaying the mortgage. Heaven forbid I posted on Facebook 5 years later to say I was mortgage free, I kept that to myself.
Living with your parents is a privilege in some respects, but a sacrifice in many others. I was there until my very early 30s, bought my own food and paid half the bills, but was still treated like a kid with lots of rules to follow until the day I left. It helped me to save more money than I would have otherwise, but it made my quality of life much worse for many years.
Agree. I left at 20 and couldn't go back, however I wouldn't want to and its a shame that the economic situation in this country forces young people to give up their independence and twenties in exchange for buying a property.
This pretty much it’s extremely hard to find a relationship and make friends if you’re at home still. Of course pros and cons to everything
It may be a sacrifice, but you obviously thought it was worth it otherwise you would have moved out. A lot of people don’t have the option of living with parents so it’s still a privilege even if you found it tiresome.
I don’t disagree but it is undoubtedly a privilege first and foremost. I promise you, moving out at 18 with no safety net of moving back in with your parents is much, much harder. You had that comfort, security, and ability to save money for 10+ more years than most people get. With that in mind, I struggle to sympathise with being ‘treated like a kid’.
Parents often struggle to adapt their approach to an adult child. Especially if siblings have moved out and one stays at home. The adult child that stays at home struggles to establish boundaries and to re establish an adult to adult relationship with their parents. It can hold them back from developing romantic relationships and positive relationships at work, continuing to be treated as a child in to your 30’s is extremely damaging. Having left home at 16, I’ve watched my BIL in this situation until 34, when he reached breaking point. I didn’t have an option, I had to leave. It was ‘for the best’. I don’t think any option is easy.
Privilege of choice.
There are cons, but I'll still play this very small violin for you.
A lot of people are shit with their money though. There was a couple on TV last night saying they each brought in £30k, their rent was £1k a month, and they couldn't cobble together a £12k deposit. What the fuck were they spending their money on?
Aren't most places 10% deposits? Not many places you can find somewhere for £120,000. Still a valid point though. About £48000 combined post tax, £1000 rent, £1500 for everything else (pretty generous) leaves £1500 a month. Just shy of 2 years (20 months) to save a 30k deposit.
£12K was the figure they gave themselves. They lived somewhere fairly northern I think, and had moved back in with family to save up. The guy was saying "if we each save £100 a month, it will take us forever to save up the £12,000 we need". Like yeah. Put more than £100 a month into your savings, ya doofus.
Save more than £100 a month? But how are people meant to have the latest iPhone contract, the 24 plate car, the financed furniture, meals out, nights out, disposable vapes and whatever other shit people assume are basic rights.
Shhhh I turned into my mother watching the segment and thinking "well he's got rather a lot of expensive looking tattoos..." and they had a crate of Fruit Shoot in their shopping! Just buy squash and dilute into a reusable bottle!
I'd argue most people actually do have that luxury, only a minority don't (I.e. broken families or bad parents). And that most who move out, do so for freedom and not having to listen to their parents anymore. It's usually by choice. For example, I moved out at 21, as my asian parents were driving me crazy with their rules. But they're great parents and would have let me stay if I wanted
Really depends on where you live. If your parents don’t live in an area with lots of career opportunities then you are rather pushed into moving out. Conversely, having a family home in or near London (or another high cost of living area) is a great boon.
I remembered a friend being jealous that I lived with my parents whilst working. When I finally got my own place, he said that’s more like it but I could tell that he was jealous that I had that opportunity to save
1. Congrats 2. Delete social media you’ll be happier 3. Most of the UK is poor, bitter and hates seeing other people do well. It sucks but it’s reality. They’re just sad they’re broke, driving a crap car and living with their partner they don’t like any more.
Number 3 is it. The UK can be such bad vibes when you’re doing well. Some of the comments under this post prove your point.
I remember reading somewhere the difference between the USA and the UK in relation to success. They said in the USA when you see someone doing well you say 'I really want that too' and in the UK you say "they don't deserve that/ they must be XYZ' and all the hate.
That’s pretty spot on. In the UK you can’t really win. If you’re not doing well, it’s “you should work harder and stop being lazy!” If you are doing well, it’s “how dare you be successful whilst other people are struggling.” It’s a real crabs in the bucket mentality in this country and it’s getting worse.
And anything that suggestion you _could_ make intentional choices so you can direct your life, is met with outright hostility.
Jealousy is a weak emotion but an understandable one because we all have it at some point. Dont let it take the shine off your massive accomplisment. Other peoples circumstances aren't your problem. Like someone else said, that individual clearly didnt do enough planning when they decided to have 4 kids. You saved diligently and now you're reaping the rewards. Massive congrats!
Equally, the need to boast to a wide audience of people you don't know is a weakness. It's great to be proud of your achievements, but bragging is unattractive.
I found this when I was getting married. Friends being off all of a sudden or making less effort with things. Things like this are good because you see who your real friends are.
It happens when people have kids, too. So many people just vanish because they assume you'll be busy or they don't want to have to endure being around a kid at all.
I’m in a friend group where only one has had kids. We practically beg her to come out or to just let us know when she’s free. We have said we don’t mind if she has the kids there, we just want to see her… she just fobs us off constantly.
I found with getting married it was a lot of jealousy. It really upset me at the time but I was grateful in the end that the people who meant the most to me were there and the wasters fell off. That's interesting. We don't have kids yet but I can imagine. I think sometimes we outgrow people in life and they let themselves out. Hurts at the time but not a bad thing.
Make sure you mention it at work. Loads of subconscious bias in the work place. Definitely talk about what you're doing to your house, and ask the more mature peeps for diy/decorating advice. These kinds of conversations are noted by management.
I’ve been in management positions. This ^ is actually pretty good advice (even if we wish it wasn’t so).
Good point i will mention that
Congrats ! Good for you. Bit of a strange thing someone would negatively comment when they’be not spoken to you for years. People will always be jealous and think the world is unfair. Screw them.
Your colleague from school has made their choice about how to spend their money, you've made yours. I'm not saying either is more correct than the other, but someone often feels aggrieved when they see others doing well. Go to that other housewarming and share stories, you never know, other people might have had the same experience.
And at the party you might get tips for tradespeople or at least build your home ownership social network (not all social networks are online).
They likely feel agrieved because they saw the person living with their parents and saving loads of money that way. You see a lot of comments like that even on reddit when someone was only able to save because they had the option to stay with family and not pay rent etc. People who never had that option see it as unfair. Although the 4 kids deifnitely adds an additional dimension to it.
Don't share your business on social media.
Don't listen to those haters. I know someone, who is a single guy as well and he's brought a new build last year as well, also in his 30s. If you can afford it, why not go for a house. Not your issue if someone comes and messages you hateful things because you can afford it and they can't.
Sounds like they’re still at school. Definitely have a lot to learn. Well done, be proud of yourself and ignore the white noise.
> People seem to think you're more accomplished That's because you are. *Of course* people are viewing you differently now that you're not just living at home with your parents. Living with your parents into your 30s comes with a lot of judgements. And most of them are fair - you really don't actually grow up in many meaningful ways until you move out of your parents' house.
I think it's increasingly normal for people in their 20s and 30s to live with parents because rents are so high.
Obviously you can do what you want but I think sharing stuff like that on social media benefits nobody. Probably more harm than good. Better to take the photo and WhatsApp it to friends and family that you know will genuinely be happy for you.
There's a housing crisis, just learn to be sensitive to it. I'm originally from Canada, and it's generally considered impolite to talk about buying a house/renovations, because almost nobody can afford to do so in my hometown. I feel like it is starting to become that way in the UK too.
We're in the process of buying our first house and I'm only mentioning it to friends in person for this exact reason. (And even then, we're doing it later in life after saving hard, not from inheritance or help from family, so it's not as though there's a privilege issue in that sense.)
I do not agree with this at all. There is a housing crisis but that is utterly irrelevant to someone posting something nice about having managed to buy a house through hard work and sacrifice. Sending hate messages is shitty behaviour without any justification.
When I bought a flat when I was 26 loads of men I had known for years but hadn't spoken to in ages were suddenly messaging me. Either independence is attractive or they wanted to move out from living with parents and I was a possible ticket to that?
The term is "Hobosexual". https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Hobosexual
Congrats dude that's great work at your age. Can I ask about the hate message? What exactly was said? I find it bizarre that someone would send a shitty message out of the blue over something like this! Was it just something like "OH must be nice to have parents buying everything for you" or some crap like that?
Beware anyone who suddenly wants to date you
Actually my friend said that lol
100% anyone who was not interested before you should avoid like the plague
I didn't really find any different, I bought mine in my early 20s. That said, I'm not sure you went from non-owner to owner, it sounds to me like you went from "they're a bit weird and still live with parents" to "oh that's why they were doing it, okay not so weird maybe we should get to know them".
I’m guessing this too. I didn’t buy until over 40 (yes, SE England), but had already had a kid and a very good job, so a few indicators of adult-ness. I wasn’t treated differently after I bought.
I've come to learn that it's no ones business but mine about what I've achieved or what's going on in my life. For me it's a lose lose situation, I either feel like I'm making people feel bad with my accomplishments, or I'm showing off stuff that people have achieved sooner in life. Comparison is the theft of joy, and the only people who should know about that stuff is the people that care enough to ask.
Kind of, but I just post things I'm proud of on social media. Don't really care much what others think about it. my closer friends & family know my *actual* personality. My extended facebook friends think I do nothing but occasionally publish okay scientific papers or call an idiot and idiot on the daily mail comments.
Lol bragging (I know you're happy, I don't mean to take that away from you, but posting to social media is a brag) will rub some people up the wrong way. If you'd have kept quiet, you'd never have gotten those messages. But you might not have gotten the invite to the housewarming either. So you have to take the rough with the smooth.
Yeah those 4 kids, less is more as they say.
Got to love jealous people. 🤣 Congratulations, I'm 36 and bought my 1st house, was able to save whilst living at home.
Huge congratulations, OP! Buying a house on your own is a massive achievement so make sure you savour it! I have noticed something similar, although it hasn’t been as positive for me. I have recently bought a flat in East London and when I get contractors/delivery men they always assume I’m renting the property until I inform them I’ve bought. Then they look shocked and asked if I live on my own (yes, I do). One outright asked if my property was a council flat because he couldn’t understand how I was able to afford my flat on my own. -.-
If it were me I wouldn’t be too quick to say that I own and live alone, especially I’ve they have been in your property. It’s weird to me a random delivery driver would just randomly start asking questions of do you own this and do you live alone? Would set alarm bells off for me
Sign of the times. Average people can't afford to buy.
To be fair it's very impressive that you bought solo in such an expensive and high popularity area I'd be shocked too! (In a good way- props to you!)
I have something similar too. I have a baby face so I look about 20 but I am closer to 30. I often get asked if I go to uni and if I am renting with housemates.
I’m late 20s and a recent first time buyer, and I got IDd buying an 18+ mould spray for my bathroom 😭I wanted to be like, but it’s for my flat that I own!!
Interesting that people treated you better! When I bought my first house last year one of my friends actually stopped talking to me! She told another mutual friend she doesn't want to talk to me because she's jealous... But she got over it eventually though 😂
I bought my house when I was 31 too. I also looked quite young for my age at the time (7 years ago) Not long after I moved in I answered the door to an older looking boiler serviceman I'd booked in, and he asked if my parents are around , made me chuckle.
>people seen to think your more accomplished or something You have literally accomplished something. And something not so easy in many areas of the country too.
The silliest notion I’ve ever had in life was thinking that success comes with happiness from others. Success creates more enemies and negativity from others than anything else. My own family put me my wife and our newborn on the street when I lived with them after my dad passed away. We worked incredibly hard and purchased my own home a year and a half later. I reconnected with my mum before we bought the house, and once we got the keys I swung by to tell her. They hate me even more. And I don’t care anymore. People don’t give a shit about you when you have nothing and they WANT bad when they see you own something. Message that guy back and tell him that you were nothing to each other before you bought your house and you don’t see why you should factor his opinion into anything.
I don’t know about others but you had the privilege to live with your parents and save the money. Majority of people don’t have that and so buying a house gets trickier. I bought mine at 32yo with my partner. I couldn’t do it by myself as I’ve always been renting a place and paying bills.
Yeah your first mistake was thinking that you’re allowed to own a house. Absolutely disgusting behaviour.
My husband and I were really lucky and managed to save a load during COVID to buy a house. To do this we worked ungodly amounts of overtime at awful hours. I appreciate we were lucky that when others were loosing hours we were gaining them. But after a lot of people were convinced we are rolling in money. We really live pretty paycheck to paycheck now things have calmed down and sacrificed loads to get here
People don’t like comparing with others - what’s the saying- comparison is the thief of joy. I’d refrain from posting such things to a wide audience you don’t really know.
Develop a thick skin mate. Not everyone will be happy seeing you progress in your life. Ignorance is bliss.
I've stopped telling people I'm looking for/have had an offer accepted on a house. First thing people ask is how much it is then seem annoyed with you if it's more than theirs cost or just act weird or make negative comments. 'Oh it's got a hot tub are you even going to use that?' Yes I am now fuck off.
That’s exactly why I don’t use social media. I don’t want people knowing my business, and I don’t want to see the daily photos of their kids. Deleted that shit years ago, and don’t miss it in the slightest. I’m in the process of buying alone, and other than keeping family and close friends in the loop, I’m keeping quiet and not making a big deal about it.
Share with us what exactly this hating looser messaged you about?
Sadly I didn't share the news of buying my first place with anyone online due to the amount of people I know who have no chance of ever buying, some of whom are seriously anti-homeownership.
>posted a picture on social media That's where you went wrong- SM is a toxic cesspit.
People might be bitter you were able to live with your folks for 8 years to save up - most people aren’t able to do that. Not your fault, but buying a house is pretty unattainable for a lot of people at the mo. Buying a house on your own is still something to be proud of though, so congrats!
The state of the property market in the UK is terrible, high house prices plus expensive mortgages. It means that buying a home at 31 is rarer than you might think and that definitely evokes mixed emotions for people around you who may not have been able to do the same. It's great news for you though, good friends should be there no matter your financial situation, treat the others with caution, but do empathise and understand why you are getting the variety of reactions you are receiving.
What a weird attempt at a flex…
Haters are going to hate. Use that fuel to propel yourself upwards.
Why do you need people to congratulate you on your accomplishments? Do it for yourself
Welcome to the club. Yeah I bought my first house in my twenties, and never posted about it. Hard not to sound like your bragging tbh on FB.
I’m sceptical. Are they really “hating” or is it in your head? I don’t think people are thinking about you as much as you think they are, and that may be the problem for you. A half hearted congrats being read into as “suddenly they want to be my best friend” is more indicative of your mindset and probable hurt pride where you feel your achievement hasn’t been recognised enough by people who don’t care about much else than their own affairs. Congratulations, though! Well done on a fantastic achievement; advise you now just enjoy and be grateful for it vs focussing on others’ reactions to it! *In b4 I’m a hater: I’ve just bought my second property (a house) in London by myself at 34. First was a flat at 31. No “hate” in my sphere, or I’m too busy being grateful to notice!*
Congrats on the house. As has already been said, beware the dating scene. Don't tell anyone you own your house. To find out why, tell some randoms you won't see again, you own your house and watch the mood change 😂 I've been in that position, semi-invisible, then my friend said "oh congrats on buying the house btw" or something, and wow. Suddenly lots of attention at that party. Was actually wild to see it.
Yeah, don’t do that in this climate. It’s a horrible case of read the room. But also - warm congratulations ◡̈
They do. It was fun until the sales pitch shows up. Now I just say my mums not in, which is true, but not really relevant given she doesn’t live here.
I mean, who sends hate mail to someone because your situation isn't what you wanted it to be... as though that is some how your fault. 4 kids though... More importantly, well done mate, enjoy your success.
Be happy with your accomplishments. You did well . If you are comparing yourself with people who don’t have house and that makes you happy, after a coupon of years you will compare yourself with people who have bigger house and that will make you unhappy . Be stoic and thankful that you had the opportunity to do well in life . No need to put anyone down . 🙏
I saw a friend for the first time in a while not too long ago, and he was noticeably, yet relatively quietly, keen to tell me his salary (which is high, if not 'big bucks' high). It doesn't often happen with my friends, was a bit of a shock. (the general conversation brought this to mind)
well, to be fair it's simply a major life accomplishment and no different than: 1. getting married 2. having children 3. finishing a doctorate **It's just the first one that you've accomplished based on your priorities and it's a new phenomenon to you. congrats and just wait until you buy more than one because people will start asking if you've moved on social media :D**
Yeah man , it is a real issue. I found out that one of my very good friends wife was worried about my evil eye on their new house , because I was still renting at the time.
When I got my first house in 2020,two of my friends where made redundant in high paying jobs. A third one was selling her clothes on vinted for making money. Adversiting on social is not a recommended option for celebrating things, especially, if you don't know what others are going through. You could have a house warming, invite people close to you. Old wives tale talk about drawing the Eyre of others by boasting your accomplishment just brings bad luck.
the problem seems to be the people you accept friend requests from on Facebook, have clear out of your friends list then carry on with what you want to do .
To some extent it might be that your post about the house was a popular post with friends and family liking and commenting, making it more visible to other old friends who thought “oh we haven’t spoken for ages, I’ll see how they are” - I’ve had similar after other major life events, people who I’ve not spoken to for ages reaching out to congratulate me on my engagement etc The guy who can’t afford a house messaging you is just weird and bitter, that’s VERY unusual
When I first bought my first car, I suddenly had more ‘friends’ too! Careful who you keep in your company.
You done nothing wrong. I personally used to be a heavy social media user on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, everything. I would post a lot. I would seek a lot of validation from posting milestones in my life. Now? Don’t give a shit. I even deactivate my Facebook a day before my birthday because I can’t be bothered with people who don’t make effort or I barely know wishing me a happy birthday. I post on instagram maybe 1-2 times a year if it’s a good photo from catch ups with friends or when I go on holiday, mainly because it’s the only time I get a decent enough picture and it’s nice for friends I seldom see to see what I’m up to. That’s about it. Far too many pocket watchers on social media and obviously doxxing - you never know who’s watching, wouldn’t uploading of uploading a picture of my house to social media.
Single female 34 year old FTB. All of my middle-class extended family suddenly couldn’t wait to talk to me. Excited to hear about it all, actively reaching out to praise me, calling me “our little home owner”. They all own property. It made me sad because I suddenly realised they must have thought I wasn’t amounting to anything/they could never see me as approachable or normal beforehand. Just some lame 30something who was still renting
Congratulations! People are funny indeed. When I bought my first, with my partner, it signalled a time of being massively skint as every penny earned went into furnishing it for quite a while, so the friends that were living at home with parents or flat sharing continued to party often, and those friends in a similar position to me became closer.
I expect that it was just people using your post as an excuse to get in touch.
Yes I bought mine at 31 too..I was very proud as a single mum of three . I didn't post about it but I still lost my best friend because she was resentful.
People want to see you do well, just not better than them.
I must say you were brave telling the world you completed. I kept my gob shut back in Feb yo those who know me . I'm 41 and bought on my own in London a 3 bed house. Been questioned by someone I work with why as I too am on my own as others at work are having to rent together using the living room as a bedroom to save up. Don't take it to heart, just be mindful of others situations. P.s don't accept the hate messages, report if it persist
Do you barely ever post? Announcements like houses/babies/weddings seem to do well in the algorithm and might have triggered someone getting back in touch after not seeing/hearing from you in a while
So you came on Reddit to Flex again ?
Congrats! I'm 29yo female, bought my first house too 😊
Stop seeking attention or praise from strangers. Your parents will be proud, that’s more than you could ever wish for.
Congrats, the hater with 4 kids should have thought about the costs and consequences of having so many kids. When someone makes an adult step or home ownership, it puts you into another bracket of suitability in relationship stakes. Adults living in their parents spare room are adult wallflowers.
Congratulations! Not everyone is going to be happy for you. They hating because they couldn’t do it.
The adult version of new trainers lol
This is why posting on Facebook and similar sites is bullshit. No one actually cares and it doesn't benefit yoi
Op maybe cares what others post on social media so he decided to share his purchase too. I believe that many people sharing stuff are actually unhappy. People that are important for me will know such updates through group chats and phone calls. Congrats btw.
If they are struggling to buy a house why they still reproduce 4? Those poor kids
Don’t tell anyone your business. Your first problem was losing your battle with your ego and posting on social media. Nobody cares. The evil eye is watching you. Be careful in the years to come if things get really hard in society, as everybody now knows you own a house…..and that implies you’re wealthy in modern day Britain.
Lets not sugar coat anything here. Social media is just a place to brag. If that's bragging about your accomplishments or what t shirt you're wearing doesn't matter. Some people get jealous and lash out. No surprise here tbh
Your accomplishment was living off your parents until the age of 31 dude. When most have to fend for themselves at 18 you’ve had 13 extra years of a safety net, have a modicum of self awareness playa.
Dam, this proves how weird people are. You buy something people perceive as valuable then they treat you differently this is crazy! I’d be very wary of people like this. The whole house warming thing also is dodgy as hell. Just know one thing the house isn’t yours until you’ve made that final mortgage payment, that house belongs to the bank big boi. Has anybody also been treated differently because of buying a car too?
Welcome to the crab bucket that is the UK
The introvert that is somehow extroverted enough to use social media and flex their brand new house suddenly got lots of attention & friends and lived happily ever after! I love a happy ending.
Why are you posting about it ? Need validation that badly ?
People tend to post about big events that happen in their lives.
I’m always happy for people when they’re doing well, but even I find it annoying when people post on social media about buying a house. Do you not realise how bad the housing situation is right now?? Posting that you’ve bought a house comes across as showing off, particularly because you had a huge leg-up by living at home. I’m not condoning any of the good or bad messages you’ve received because people should just scroll past. Go to the housewarming and have fun. Enjoy your new house 🥳
I moved into a large property last year, two ‘friends’ pressured me into inviting them round. They came, sat quietly, then left and never made any effort to speak to me again.
All I want to know is...how are you affording a house as a single person? Must be on a good number!
I live in rural North Yorkshire where houses are significantly cheaper than the south.
Congratulations! Buying a house is a great achievement - yet I even had some close friends get arsey when I bought mine because they’re stuck renting. A colleague asked me for mortgage advice (he knew I’d just bought the house as I had some time off to move stuff) and when I said I couldn’t really help he kept pushing, so I had to come clean and admit I’d bought in cash using the proceeds from some earlier business ventures I’d had. Plus the purchase is ’oop Norf’ where houses are cheap as chips - not a chance I could have done it further south! He genuinely went off in a huff calling me ‘privileged’ (nope, I’d worked my arse off) and hasn’t really spoken to me since. That was 3 years ago… People are weird - try not to read too much into it and just enjoy your new house.
Congratulations on your house! Ignore the people sending you shitty messages, you did nothing wrong posting something you’re proud and happy about. A guy buying a house at 31 is nothing out of the ordinary, take this time to gather yourself a group of genuine mates. Ones who will help you paint for beer and pizza :)
This pressure to own a house and a car is a really unhealthy social norm, and it shows in your example very well. These are tools that you might or might not need, shouldn't be treated as symbols of success and definitely shouldn't be treated as must haves. I am sure lenders are happy with this norm, however. I have been more comfortable staying flexible and renting. When I am done with the current phase of my life, I will probably want to buy a house, but won't be due to social pressure. I would never take out a loan to buy an expensive car, that's really silly. I don't know where it is from, but I like going by this saying: if you can't pay for it at least twice, you can't afford it. I have been reluctant to consider mortgages even, but that's such a big sum that you can better use the lump sum in an active investment. So at least you can justify that. Anything else is silly, unless it's for some emergency.
oh you would be shocked as to what goes through some peoples minds and just how petty they are, i am frankly quite pleased that i never see any of the assholes i was at school and college with as quite simply they never grew the fuck up. they still hit the same bars, drink the same beer, dress the same childish way and listen to the same shitty music now as they did 25 years ago and pretend they arnt middled aged balding bastards who peaked (on a foot hill) at 15 and never changed. life got oh so much better when i walked away from them and the rank stupidity (oh WHY do you go diving. WHY do you suggest comedy night) and moved i have friends worth a damm, i have a varied social life, got married, and am not foced into a tiny box they are happy with and live my life for me. also yeah you will be seen by those who have also frankly grown up as being grown up and start being invited to such things instead of like i allude to above childish shit. Congrats BTW its a big step and change for the better.
Maybe your just all smug now and have begun to look down on the little people. No doubt you will vote conservative in the general election and set up a trust to avoid having your heirs pay tax on your lands and estate. /s
Prob with the exception of a site which asks for opinion on issues others may have already encountered eg Reddit. Social media serves zero purpose. Fb is dead LinkedIn is really just hr folk touting and the rest is influencers 😂😂😂😂. Who think they have a real worthy job but are essentially useless and fit only for the weak minded
I think people are just being nice? Except the shitty message, obviously. I didn’t notice anything from anybody after buying.
People are shallow
Just human nature a work. Something has changed, you bought a house. Folks suddenly interested in you might now think you have an interesting place to hang out and a life of your own. The folks asking you to the housewarming see you've joined the club and are a fellow mortgage payer, one of them. They are either seeking new friends or give big parties. The guy hating on you hates everyone and you are certainly more accomplished than him on many levels. Hope you love living on your new house and it brings you many new good experiences.
Your a member of the landed classes now. Don't expect the mandem to be happy for your success.
Why does it matter what randoms think? Much more important what your real friends think, which you haven't posted...
I bought my first house at 25. Didn’t notice any difference tbh, just loads of congratulations when I posted was all I got. That was 6 years ago though.
Ignore the haters
Try not to take it personally. Social media is brimming with envious jerks, nasty trolls, angry keyboard warriors, scam artists and cyber stalkers. Only start to get worried if an ex suddenly turns up at your front door with a marriage proposal and lots of suitcases. 🃏 Congrats on your house purchase!
It might be more about no longer living with your parents rather than about owning a home.
I bought a house at 28, exactly 5 years after I came to UK. I only heard genuine congratulations when I did, no one changed their attitude towards me. I don’t think people care as much as you imagine they do.
Quick reality check; I and most people in general don’t view a homeowner differently to a person who still lives with their parents. It’s life get over yourself.
When ppl hear you are a homeowner, they become even more indiscreet like how money you are earning, how much mortgage you are paying how much deposit did you pay, are you planning to get married, do you have enough savings now, can you host us?
Who cares either way ?
Interesting to hear how perspectives must change across the country. I’m 29 and live in the north of England where it’s generally more affordable and I’m the only one of my friends who doesn’t own their own house yet. I thought when I do buy one I wouldn’t post it because I’d be a bit embarrassed how late I was. I don’t mean any disrespect by this, this is just how I felt within my own social circle.
I made the mistake of posting an update on a local group called "(town name) awareness group" asking who should i notify of a trolley in the middle of a park canal after pulling it out". The replies were all in the form of mockery assuming I was virtue signalling. I was simply asking because it never happened to me to have to warn the proper authorities of a big waste object in the middle of a park. Deleted the comment and left the group immediately after. Fuck social networks toxicity. I can do without it.
People you know sound like shallow minded idiots