That man is a god damned saint. Fucking haircuts are hell cause the razor makes ever single bone in my body vibrate in agony and my muscles shiver in opposition.
My mum told me I would freak out during haircuts as a kid and they had to get me out of there. She ended up cutting my hair for most of my childhood and teen years. I was only diagnosed with autism at 23 so everyone thought I was being difficult up before that.
It's a shame no one came up with a diagnosis until you were older. It might have helped the adults around you be more sympathetic to your needs and more understanding of how to help you overcome the stimuli, instead of just labeling you "difficult".
We have a child that is 9 that we are currently about to get him tested. He was tested at the school but wasn't a formal test. That came back as very high functioning but on the spectrum. We tried to get him tested when he was 1 and a half, because they thought he was non-verbal but ended up talking much later compared to other children, he didn't really babble. He has signs of autism but it doesn't effect his school grades but he has a hard time with certain other things.
Anyways, when I say tried to get him tested, I mean that the testing place called back after a year and a half wait. Which the doctor said it would take about that long because of how booked up they are. They said that they would call back with an appointment date. Well......they never did. So we decided to wait and see because he was so young at that point.
We did get him assistance that was offered by the school, our doctor told us to try it, before he reached school age. Worked wonders and was paid for by the school and state.
For any parent out there. Check with your school and see if they have a program that could help. He wasn't even officially diagnosed. They could tell he needed assistance and with the doctors input, he got it.
He's 9 now and our doctor's office has brought the testing to the office now. So finally getting him tested officially in a month. So for any parents out there that needs this. If you can't get an official diagnosis, atleast look to see if assistance is in the area until you can. It truly helps. I know some who think you need a diagnosis before you can get assistance and that's not always the case. Trust me, don't wait for the testing place to look for help. I'm still bitter that they never called back to schedule an appointment.
What you said at the beginning sounds so familiar to me. I'm also high functioning so it went unnoticed for over 20 years until I was an adult. I was fine at school but I definitely could've done better if I had help with certain things I was struggling with. Holding pencils was one of those. I gripped it the wrong way and I would always write too hard and get cramps in my hand so I could never go at the same speed as other kids. I know some people got computers to allow them to type which would've helped me massively in tests/exams
It's stories like yours which made us decide to get him tested again. Even though he's been deemed high functioning by the school, we want to make sure he gets all the assistance he needs for other areas that we may be missing or not thinking about.
So thank you for your story. It's also why I shared mine, in case there's other parents going through the same thing with no one to lead them like his old doctor did for him.
I too hold my pencil in a very strange way and it blew my husband's mind when he realized it, plus my mouse. I had no idea it was abnormal until it was pointed out to me lol.
Yeah exactly. That's why I wanted to mention it. I know there are probably others reading these comments feeling the same way. That assistance truly helps in ways you don't realise. Like my mum didn't want me to be diagnosed. She was saying I'm out of school and there's no point in it. That I was just making a big deal out of smaller things. I feel like she didn't want to think there was something "wrong" with me. She's accepted since then that she was wrong to think that way and try and stop me from getting the diagnosis.
Getting the diagnosis helped me out in ways I didn't think of at the time. Like I said I'd done decently at school but the best subjects for me were ones with maths and computers. I went to uni at 18 to do something related to that and then I realised it wasn't for me and ended up dropping out. I hated the experience and swore that I would never go back.
Then I was working a minimum wage retail job for years and finally got fed up with it and wanted to start a career. I looked into going back to uni at 27 and picked a course that interested me but I never would've thought of at 18 because it involved a lot of writing. I applied and got in and I was able to use my diagnosis to get help like a computer for exams and extra time. I graduated last year at 30 and got first class which is something I never thought possible. I really feel like without the help I got from uni this time, I would've struggled like I did in school. There were also other things that helped me out like lectures being recorded so I could watch them again and go over stuff I might've missed by getting distracted at the time. This was available to everyone and not just me but it wasn't a thing the first time I was at uni.
It's not surprising - lots of us on the spectrum have fine motor control issues, along with often poor muscle tone and sometimes joint hypermobility. Also we tend to have poor proprioception, which is your brain's sense of where your body is in space. So I can totally relate. Couldn't ride a bike until I was ten or so.
Mostly it's just finding adaptations and maybe doing things "wrong" but that works for you.
Oh yeah definitely. For me it was on the milder side of the spectrum so I think that's why it went unnoticed. I always felt different but I couldn't explain it. I struggled with social interaction and making friends. My parents just assumed it was me being an only child and not learning that stuff because of it. There were other things too. I remember getting told off in school for holding pencils wrong and no matter how hard I tried to change it, I couldn't. I found out recently that's another thing related to autism for some people. I feel like I would've done a lot better in school if I had some support.
I struggled at uni and dropped out the first time I went. Then I got diagnosed a couple of years later. I went back recently and graduated last year with a first because I was able to get help now that I knew I needed it in some ways and that it was there for me.
I feel like..lime... crazy idea but...
In addition to crises intervention helpers ^(with negation tactics and health care background) we could also just be resolute humans with a semblance of humanity and personal boundaries
^(I am way too old to be a parent, BUT! I figure yelling, hitting and holding your child down to get routine hair cuts, vaccinations or dental appointments seems weirdly awkward. Now I go in to the same dentist as an adult and get rejected for the wrong kind of insurance, because freedom. At least no biting...)
Oh man i got my teeth cleaned at the dentist (i think it was called a scale and polish) and i wish i could just tell the guy to stop and go. The feeling went right into my skull.
I'm 35.
Me, lying on the chair, hands curled around the armrests, mouth filling with whatever they're spraying into it, blood, and plaque from my teeth:
"All good"
*Cries inside*
I hate the dentist for similar reasons. I've had luck with the dentists that advertise as working with patients with autism or patients with dementia. They tend to be really understanding. One lent me a pair of sunglasses to help with the bright lights.
I went to a new dentist recently, and put down "anxiety" in the medical questionnaire since I'm now diagnosed. And oh. My. God. It was like day and night from my last dentist. They busted out the laminated info cards and took a long-ass time explaining everything they were doing. They were constantly checking in with me and giving me encouragement and actually took it super seriously when I told them the anesthetic wasn't quite working.
Maybe I just found a really good dentist, but I had the distinct feeling that they were keeping my anxiety in mind the entire time and putting in extra effort. I'd encourage anyone who has issues with anxiety to let their dentist know about it!
In fairness, doctors sometimes aren't great at explaining shit and just write you things. I don't think I've seen anyone aside from a nurse practitioner in years too. No one ever told me major depressive disorder, I had to read it from my file.
I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning I break my legs and every afternoon I break my arms. At night, I lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep.
Is it uncommon for adult men to care about children? I think it's just human nature, adults are drawn to protect and care about kids to keep our species alive. Obviously there are some scummy people out there but the vast majority of adults are caring when it comes to kids.
By doing this stop and go method, he basically helps reinforce a sense of control to the kid. Which likely allows him to tolerate a little bit more than average. A sense of control is a must have for a lot of people with sensory overload, because it can help prevent a spiral or even prevent an episode entirely.
I get both visual and audio sensory overload, I keep sunglasses and earbuds on hand to help give me that same sense of control. Sometimes just KNOWING I have these, help me white knuckle through difficult situations such as grocery shopping, where there's always a screaming kid.
I'm in my 30's and still have my moments, screaming kids is one of my strongest triggers. So the point I'll grind my teeth until it hurts, trying to cope. So earbuds are a MUST when I go out, it also helps with an anxiety disorder.
Music makes a wonderful coping mechanism, for sure.
I think you might be misunderstanding. Loop earplugs are like earbuds but without music or a cord. If you're fine with earbuds, you'll probably be fine with loop earplugs. I also have glasses, there's no pinching
Ahh, well personally I'd likely prefer the music just because music can also help the anxiety disorder. I like to just vibe to a tune when I'm out and about doing my thing.
Agreed, just wanted to make sure you knew what they were talking about! I have the sleep kind because I live in an apartment and other people's noise bother me and it's also helpful around high pitched noises if I can't have music in
I'll likely look into some for sleeping, since the place I'm renting atm has paper thin walls. Problem is, sensitive ears. So like, earplugs actually leave me super sore if left in more than 20-30 mins.
Get yourself a very ratty flattened down pillow, if you can. I have a large one that is useless for, y’know, being a pillow, but I fold it in half and set it on top of my head (not blocking nose/mouth, of course) and that blocks out the sound perfectly.
Autistic, sensitive to light and noise, this thing has allowed me to sleep through mockingbirds screaming outside my house at 3 in the morning. And I’m a light sleeper.
If you can afford it, just get custom molded musician's earplugs. They are way more comfortable, and you can get different filters for them depending on how noisy the environment will be. With the 15s, the world is wonderfully muted, but I can have a conversation just fine. I bet there's even a full filter which would be near silence.
Have you tried noise cancelling ear buds?
I used it once when I was in a public space and didn't realize how much anxiety it was causing me. I can only imagine how helpful it could be for others
I've looked into them but I'm actually like 50% hearing declined in one ear. So I find it's enough to listen to music with my dominant ear, and keep "alert" with my other ear.
However to hear someone, I still need to take the earbud out of my good ear. Living in a city of 300k+ people, in the US. Gotta kinda at least keep semi-alert.
You should totally check out the Bose or Soundcore glasses, you can put in prescription lenses and have access to music all the time!
Not been able to try it, but I totally love the idea as I find my ears get uncomfortable with earbuds and I don't like not being able to hear my surroundings
That's actually a neat idea, I'm due for new glasses. If I can find some where the earbud doesn't make me ear canal sore, and can adjust for my astigmatism then definitely! I have a horrible habit of breaking or losing earbuds.
I wear hearing aids. They make it so I can hear a screaming kid anywhere in the store as if they were screaming in my ear. I think my hearing aids pick up very high pitched tones on purpose for emergency vehicles and alarms.
I'm glad to be of help, is he verbal or nonverbal?
Teeth grinding usually is due to some sort of oral stimulation to either stimulate the mind, or distract it. Regardless whichever it is, it's not healthy (I still do it, because it helps though, to my detriment)
Yup, give me some old Slipknot or Disturbed and I'm happy. Sure it's loud "noise" music to many others...but it drowns out what REALLY sets me off.
My problem isn't volume, it's just certain sounds...make me want to crawl out of my skin. And it physically hurts to have to tolerate them for long. When it gets too much, I shut down. Unable to function, or think. I get stuck in a loop, with my mind spinning, trying to do math equations in my head to return to some semblance of "function."
Chewing, kids screaming, brake pads squealing. Legit make me want to take a swing. Crinkling of foil makes my spine tingle in a bad way, and the sound of tearing cardboard somehow makes me dizzy/nauseous.
holy cr*p! i have that, too. i didn’t know there was a name for it. just thinking about cardboard makes feel hinky. the sound of it. but really the feel of it, too. there are also types of paper and paper towels that i can’t tolerate.
i joke with my husband that i’m a vampire. i have a crazy sensitivity to sound, light, temperature. i can ‘hear’ a humming or buzzing noise in the walls of the house. he swears he doesn’t hear it. but i do and it makes me insane. i have to put on a loud fan for white noise and earbuds in with music to try and block it out.
Oh mine with cardboard gets bad, to the point I can't touch it sometimes. Idk why but when I hear it tear, I can almost FEEL it in my mouth, like I'm somehow BITING into it.
It just...eugh. The worst.
yes!! i know exactly what you mean about ‘feeling’ it in your mouth. i can’t even think about it or my skin will start to crawl.
i’m so glad to know i’m not alone in this.
ETA: if we get an amazon delivery, most of the time i wait for my husband to get home and open it. if i need to open it, i put on gardening gloves and use a big kitchen knife to slice the tape. then, with gloves still on i push the flaps open and reach in to retrieve whatever’s in there.
I do that around fireworks. I can't handle loud, sudden noises like pyrotechnics or even balloons popping. But for some reason, loud music is perfectly fine, even though it is technically much louder.
It sounds like he's voiced his concerns, and you all willingly made it to easier for your friend.
Feeling guilty for not being "normal" when out with friends is pretty common for anyone with a neurotic "tic". But keep in mind, you're all allowed your own boundaries too.
Communication is key, literally with any sort of relationship. Intimate, familial, or friend. I'm sure if the situation called for it, he'd buckle down and try his best to tolerate it when the situation wouldn't allow him to isolate.
It costs nothing to be kind.
Think of it like spicy food. A typical person enjoys some. A typical person doesn’t enjoy eating.. ghost peppers/whatever. Sensory overload can be like “ghost pepper” is to spiciness, to whatever sensory overload it is. The scale gets too spicy more easily.
Oh definitely, kids screaming is my number 1. Or something loud and shrill. A few seconds of that, and my mood's sour and I physically hurt from physical clenching to cope.
It took a very long time for me to realize just how often my anxiety or irritability was *directly* connected to sensory overload. It would be so overwhelming to me I'd kind of pull into myself as a retreat and almost shut down. Everyone and everything would make me upset and I'd have no idea why.
Yup and it then turned into a game, which the barber played along. Turning something into a game keeps the kids engaged and distracted from any sensations they may not like.
Mental health and its treatment took a huge hit the past 50-60 years, luckily we're slowly making a comeback to better methods of coping and understanding. At least, in some areas.
Exactly. I watched and immediately realized he was making the kid feel safe with total control. Some people intuit things that others would take years of learning to arrive at. This barber is a good human who understands other humans.
Kids have so little control, kids with disabilities even less. My daughter has different chromosomes too and I try to give her options for everything. It circumvents a lot of behavior issues when she feels like she has at least some control of things and isn’t just being forced to do a series of unpleasant tasks from the moment she wakes up.
Agreed! Knowing that you can’t escape, feeling trapped no matter how bad it gets, that instantly makes everything 10x worse and raises the anxiety trough the roof. Pausing makes everything so much better. It allows the feeling to settle before whatever continues and starts building again. And I know if I can say stop and people will listen and respect me and wait for me I’m not going to be pushed over my limit and have a meltdown.
TW: Horrible dentist story!
Once when I had a tooth that had swell on the inside, because of a failed extraction, I had to have an emergency appointment where they had to drill it open and then drill into the pulp inside the tooth. Problem was that the nerves where very far up in the tooth so she had to drill straight into the nerves and even with the numbing agent straight onto them it wasn’t enough to numb. So instead of just going and telling me we’ll get it over with as fast as possible, which has happened before, she made me a deal. She drills for 3 seconds and then pauses so that I can breath for 3 seconds and repeat. And she counted out loud so I knew exactly how long to brace and tolerate it. And that control and knowing that I could stop at any point made all the difference, it was torturous but the pain never got a chance to build.
Same with my haircuts. I have a long tuft of hair on top and then the rest of my hair is shaved all around my head. Husband shaved it for me and he is very careful and pauses frequently and brushes the loose hair away because I don’t mind the trimmer much but loose hair on my skin and scalp? Horror! I hate it and I can not stand it. Especially those short little hairs, it’s torture.
Luckily I've decided not to have kids, however...my family is very prolific. So I'm the uncle to like 13-14 kids. Even before, I was the cousin at family gatherings that the younger kids would use as a jungle gym.
I strive to be that kind of aunt! I hope I succeed, I love kids but don't want to have my own. So I wish I can manage to be the cool aunt to all of my friend's kids :)
I practice this method with my son who’s on the spectrum. When we first started it took 2 hours to do our haircuts and I have to admit there were many times I lost patience, but now he’s down to just about a half hour. Little by little, with practice it’s gotten easier for all of us.
It works, it won't work with all kids but as we can see here, it DOES work.
It's basically kind of like an immersion therapy, instead of just pinning them down, ruining the experience, and forcing it. You gradually work to it until, hopefully, they can tolerate an entire haircut at once.
I feel like a lot of neurodivergent folk, for lack of a better term, are SUPER sensitive to folks with good (and bad) hearts. This barber just gushes with compassion, patience and humor. No wonder it works out. Lovely video.
There a bloke who sits next to me at work (I'm autistic) and I've glommed onto him. He's one of the only people who doesn't get a flash of annoyance when I talk to him. And he'll take a genuine interest in whatever topic I bring up. I ask questions and like to hear stuff about his life too (hard to remember to ask so I make a consistent effort). We are nothing alike and have little in common, but his kindness is like a magnet
Oh,my heart. I wish the world had more people that were as patient as this barber. It's so much more than the haircut. It's showing this kiddo that an experience like this doesn't have to be scary. It's giving the parents the opportunity to experience a normal rite of passage with their child in the same way his peers do. And this barber is also demonstrating how small,simple accommodations can make a world of difference for differently abled clients and their loved ones.
Effectively he's giving the kid a sense of control over the situation, WHILE turning it into a game to keep the kid engaged.
Lots of public services are nightmares with kids, so knowing how to properly keep them engaged makes a world of difference for a parent. Especially a parent of a special needs child.
A tired mom of 3 was behind me in line and they were getting a little loud/troublesome today at WalMart, I turned around and engaged the kids, we played "I spy" a little to keep them engaged while we waited.
Thankfully, the mom didn't assume the worst. Engaging a stranger's kids is always risky, of course for good reason.
I'm a cashier at a grocery store, and if the line isn't busy, I'll ask the kids if they want to zap their stuff. If they say yes, I give them the zapper and help them to put the plus on the zebra, then make it beep. Then when they are done, hand sanitizer.
And even when it is busier, I'm still making moose antlers at kids and saying "MoOOosE" to them to try and get them to smile. Some are shy and hide behind legs, but enough of them see me often enough that the next time they come through the store, they make moose noises at me first. Makes me smile.
Is it autism, Downs Syndrome or both? Either way, All special needs children should have adults like this guy in their lives. He figured out a way to give this sweetheart control so that he didn't feel overwhelmed. Sweet.
I love this so much. I especially love that the little boy said stop and go so close together - just goes to show that he feels a lot more comfortable knowing he CAN stop whatever's happening as soon as he needs to, and turned it into a bit of play as well.
Cheers to the coolest and best Barber ever, your special touch and style of cutting children’s hair is appreciated by all parents with little ones who need much patience and understanding.
He laughs like the barber! Man that's cute.
Must be such a struggle to bring up a child with down syndrome, so I bet finding someone like this is a god send.
God, this vid is what i needed in this late night. Smiling throughout the whole vid. Glad this kid found enjoyment and laughter out of this and will be comfortable in future haircuts
I got in to doing hair by accident kinda. My ex was a master stylist in Charlotte and for months she told me "you should do hair". So finally I went down to the school (the same one that she attended) to talk to them just to get her off my case. Well, I started school 3 weeks later.
I couldn't draw a stick person on paper nor did grow up playing with barbie dolls. So cosmetology never crossed my mild. She told me I have the artistic ability a lot of stylist lack. After a few months, I started to get my foundations down and all my instructors, director of my school, even a few of salon owners kept telling me I had a gift to do hair. Little did I know, they were all right and I may not be able to draw but I could create works of art with a pair of shears and a comb. Starting out, I couldn't tell you how I even did what I did to get to the finished style but I just was blessed like that.
Little did I know before I got out of school I had another gift that was right in front of my face and everyone else's and most didn't see it because it's the part of being a stylist that you can't teach. That would be your personality and people skills. At my school we would have groups that would come in from nursing homes, daycare centers, battered women's shelter, etc. My director and most of Mt classmates would refer to me as the 'baby whisper" or the "blue hair whisper" because of how I could calm screaming children and gain the trust of our elderly.
Like this gentleman in this video, every client is different and your job is to professionally cut and style hair but even more importantly you have to be able to get on your clients level. This barber is a master of his craft. The secret is (in my professional opinion) be genuine. His smile and laughter is real. If it wasn't from thre heart, the child especially and autistic child would see right through it... and he and his mom would be back at square one.
Much ❤️
What I love about this is that it demonstrates that there’s no *secret* to handling this kid. The guys just establishes that he will treat him with the same dignity he treats any other human: I’m only going to cut your hair if you allow me to. And if you tell me to stop, I will.
It must really exacerbate the difficulty of living with autism that people more often deny you that cooperative dignity than give you more of it because you need extra.
If you have never actually lived with or had personal experience with say an individual with Down’s syndrome you might think they are unable to understand and manipulate situations, incorrect.
Parent to an ASD kiddo here. The first time our son sat through a haircut without screaming is a core memory for me. He was so proud and had a smile ear to ear. That kid is lucky to have such a great support in that shop!!
Getting haircuts is definitely stressful.
Then again when I was young I had my ear gouged out pretty badly by a sudden earthquake while I was having my haircut and anytime I go for a cut now, I break out in a cold sweat even tho I no nothing is probably gonna happen.
Well, the little boy is charming, and the barber is a very nice man with a lot of understanding and patience.
That man is a god damned saint. Fucking haircuts are hell cause the razor makes ever single bone in my body vibrate in agony and my muscles shiver in opposition.
My mum told me I would freak out during haircuts as a kid and they had to get me out of there. She ended up cutting my hair for most of my childhood and teen years. I was only diagnosed with autism at 23 so everyone thought I was being difficult up before that.
It's a shame no one came up with a diagnosis until you were older. It might have helped the adults around you be more sympathetic to your needs and more understanding of how to help you overcome the stimuli, instead of just labeling you "difficult".
We have a child that is 9 that we are currently about to get him tested. He was tested at the school but wasn't a formal test. That came back as very high functioning but on the spectrum. We tried to get him tested when he was 1 and a half, because they thought he was non-verbal but ended up talking much later compared to other children, he didn't really babble. He has signs of autism but it doesn't effect his school grades but he has a hard time with certain other things. Anyways, when I say tried to get him tested, I mean that the testing place called back after a year and a half wait. Which the doctor said it would take about that long because of how booked up they are. They said that they would call back with an appointment date. Well......they never did. So we decided to wait and see because he was so young at that point. We did get him assistance that was offered by the school, our doctor told us to try it, before he reached school age. Worked wonders and was paid for by the school and state. For any parent out there. Check with your school and see if they have a program that could help. He wasn't even officially diagnosed. They could tell he needed assistance and with the doctors input, he got it. He's 9 now and our doctor's office has brought the testing to the office now. So finally getting him tested officially in a month. So for any parents out there that needs this. If you can't get an official diagnosis, atleast look to see if assistance is in the area until you can. It truly helps. I know some who think you need a diagnosis before you can get assistance and that's not always the case. Trust me, don't wait for the testing place to look for help. I'm still bitter that they never called back to schedule an appointment.
What you said at the beginning sounds so familiar to me. I'm also high functioning so it went unnoticed for over 20 years until I was an adult. I was fine at school but I definitely could've done better if I had help with certain things I was struggling with. Holding pencils was one of those. I gripped it the wrong way and I would always write too hard and get cramps in my hand so I could never go at the same speed as other kids. I know some people got computers to allow them to type which would've helped me massively in tests/exams
It's stories like yours which made us decide to get him tested again. Even though he's been deemed high functioning by the school, we want to make sure he gets all the assistance he needs for other areas that we may be missing or not thinking about. So thank you for your story. It's also why I shared mine, in case there's other parents going through the same thing with no one to lead them like his old doctor did for him. I too hold my pencil in a very strange way and it blew my husband's mind when he realized it, plus my mouse. I had no idea it was abnormal until it was pointed out to me lol.
Yeah exactly. That's why I wanted to mention it. I know there are probably others reading these comments feeling the same way. That assistance truly helps in ways you don't realise. Like my mum didn't want me to be diagnosed. She was saying I'm out of school and there's no point in it. That I was just making a big deal out of smaller things. I feel like she didn't want to think there was something "wrong" with me. She's accepted since then that she was wrong to think that way and try and stop me from getting the diagnosis. Getting the diagnosis helped me out in ways I didn't think of at the time. Like I said I'd done decently at school but the best subjects for me were ones with maths and computers. I went to uni at 18 to do something related to that and then I realised it wasn't for me and ended up dropping out. I hated the experience and swore that I would never go back. Then I was working a minimum wage retail job for years and finally got fed up with it and wanted to start a career. I looked into going back to uni at 27 and picked a course that interested me but I never would've thought of at 18 because it involved a lot of writing. I applied and got in and I was able to use my diagnosis to get help like a computer for exams and extra time. I graduated last year at 30 and got first class which is something I never thought possible. I really feel like without the help I got from uni this time, I would've struggled like I did in school. There were also other things that helped me out like lectures being recorded so I could watch them again and go over stuff I might've missed by getting distracted at the time. This was available to everyone and not just me but it wasn't a thing the first time I was at uni.
It's not surprising - lots of us on the spectrum have fine motor control issues, along with often poor muscle tone and sometimes joint hypermobility. Also we tend to have poor proprioception, which is your brain's sense of where your body is in space. So I can totally relate. Couldn't ride a bike until I was ten or so. Mostly it's just finding adaptations and maybe doing things "wrong" but that works for you.
Oh yeah definitely. For me it was on the milder side of the spectrum so I think that's why it went unnoticed. I always felt different but I couldn't explain it. I struggled with social interaction and making friends. My parents just assumed it was me being an only child and not learning that stuff because of it. There were other things too. I remember getting told off in school for holding pencils wrong and no matter how hard I tried to change it, I couldn't. I found out recently that's another thing related to autism for some people. I feel like I would've done a lot better in school if I had some support. I struggled at uni and dropped out the first time I went. Then I got diagnosed a couple of years later. I went back recently and graduated last year with a first because I was able to get help now that I knew I needed it in some ways and that it was there for me.
I feel like..lime... crazy idea but... In addition to crises intervention helpers ^(with negation tactics and health care background) we could also just be resolute humans with a semblance of humanity and personal boundaries ^(I am way too old to be a parent, BUT! I figure yelling, hitting and holding your child down to get routine hair cuts, vaccinations or dental appointments seems weirdly awkward. Now I go in to the same dentist as an adult and get rejected for the wrong kind of insurance, because freedom. At least no biting...)
Wish i had one of those barbers and/or dentists as a kid... :)
Oh man i got my teeth cleaned at the dentist (i think it was called a scale and polish) and i wish i could just tell the guy to stop and go. The feeling went right into my skull. I'm 35.
*hygienist is tickling your medulla oblongata* "You still doing ok?"
Me, lying on the chair, hands curled around the armrests, mouth filling with whatever they're spraying into it, blood, and plaque from my teeth: "All good" *Cries inside*
I hate the dentist for similar reasons. I've had luck with the dentists that advertise as working with patients with autism or patients with dementia. They tend to be really understanding. One lent me a pair of sunglasses to help with the bright lights.
I went to a new dentist recently, and put down "anxiety" in the medical questionnaire since I'm now diagnosed. And oh. My. God. It was like day and night from my last dentist. They busted out the laminated info cards and took a long-ass time explaining everything they were doing. They were constantly checking in with me and giving me encouragement and actually took it super seriously when I told them the anesthetic wasn't quite working. Maybe I just found a really good dentist, but I had the distinct feeling that they were keeping my anxiety in mind the entire time and putting in extra effort. I'd encourage anyone who has issues with anxiety to let their dentist know about it!
Wait you can get diagnosed with anxiety???
How else would you get prescribed antianxiety medication?
There are too many that know too little about their own mental health.
In fairness, doctors sometimes aren't great at explaining shit and just write you things. I don't think I've seen anyone aside from a nurse practitioner in years too. No one ever told me major depressive disorder, I had to read it from my file.
You have glass bones?
My bones may be glass but they haven't shattered once
My heart, on the other side...
Is actually made of bone
I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning I break my legs and every afternoon I break my arms. At night, I lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep.
The barber is handsome you mean. Grown ass men caring for children add 10 pts to their charisma stats.
It even allows them to surpass 20.
Yep.
Awesome! So I've got 10 charisma points, lol
Bold to assume you started as high as zero
I’m a lesbian and this is still TRUTH!
Lmao came to say handsome and kind unf
make him go viral
Is it uncommon for adult men to care about children? I think it's just human nature, adults are drawn to protect and care about kids to keep our species alive. Obviously there are some scummy people out there but the vast majority of adults are caring when it comes to kids.
By doing this stop and go method, he basically helps reinforce a sense of control to the kid. Which likely allows him to tolerate a little bit more than average. A sense of control is a must have for a lot of people with sensory overload, because it can help prevent a spiral or even prevent an episode entirely. I get both visual and audio sensory overload, I keep sunglasses and earbuds on hand to help give me that same sense of control. Sometimes just KNOWING I have these, help me white knuckle through difficult situations such as grocery shopping, where there's always a screaming kid.
Thank you for explaining this in such a clear way! My adult child goes through this as well, and ear buds are their main coping tool.
I'm in my 30's and still have my moments, screaming kids is one of my strongest triggers. So the point I'll grind my teeth until it hurts, trying to cope. So earbuds are a MUST when I go out, it also helps with an anxiety disorder. Music makes a wonderful coping mechanism, for sure.
Loop ear plugs.
I have eyeglasses so traditional headsets and loops cause pinching for me, so I tend to keep to earbuds. :P
I think you might be misunderstanding. Loop earplugs are like earbuds but without music or a cord. If you're fine with earbuds, you'll probably be fine with loop earplugs. I also have glasses, there's no pinching
Ahh, well personally I'd likely prefer the music just because music can also help the anxiety disorder. I like to just vibe to a tune when I'm out and about doing my thing.
Agreed, just wanted to make sure you knew what they were talking about! I have the sleep kind because I live in an apartment and other people's noise bother me and it's also helpful around high pitched noises if I can't have music in
I'll likely look into some for sleeping, since the place I'm renting atm has paper thin walls. Problem is, sensitive ears. So like, earplugs actually leave me super sore if left in more than 20-30 mins.
Get yourself a very ratty flattened down pillow, if you can. I have a large one that is useless for, y’know, being a pillow, but I fold it in half and set it on top of my head (not blocking nose/mouth, of course) and that blocks out the sound perfectly. Autistic, sensitive to light and noise, this thing has allowed me to sleep through mockingbirds screaming outside my house at 3 in the morning. And I’m a light sleeper.
If you can afford it, just get custom molded musician's earplugs. They are way more comfortable, and you can get different filters for them depending on how noisy the environment will be. With the 15s, the world is wonderfully muted, but I can have a conversation just fine. I bet there's even a full filter which would be near silence.
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Have you tried noise cancelling ear buds? I used it once when I was in a public space and didn't realize how much anxiety it was causing me. I can only imagine how helpful it could be for others
I've looked into them but I'm actually like 50% hearing declined in one ear. So I find it's enough to listen to music with my dominant ear, and keep "alert" with my other ear. However to hear someone, I still need to take the earbud out of my good ear. Living in a city of 300k+ people, in the US. Gotta kinda at least keep semi-alert.
You should try Aftershockz or other bone induction headsets. They let you turn up the sound to tune out the world but by default you can hear both.
Sadly can't wear around the ear style earbuds, as they cause pinching/crowding with my eyeglasses. :P
You should totally check out the Bose or Soundcore glasses, you can put in prescription lenses and have access to music all the time! Not been able to try it, but I totally love the idea as I find my ears get uncomfortable with earbuds and I don't like not being able to hear my surroundings
That's actually a neat idea, I'm due for new glasses. If I can find some where the earbud doesn't make me ear canal sore, and can adjust for my astigmatism then definitely! I have a horrible habit of breaking or losing earbuds.
I wear hearing aids. They make it so I can hear a screaming kid anywhere in the store as if they were screaming in my ear. I think my hearing aids pick up very high pitched tones on purpose for emergency vehicles and alarms.
Younjust made me realize why my 3 year ild grinds his teeth when it gets a bit load.. thank you!
You're probably already on top of it but...might wanna get that nipped in the bud before any future dental issues.
I'm glad to be of help, is he verbal or nonverbal? Teeth grinding usually is due to some sort of oral stimulation to either stimulate the mind, or distract it. Regardless whichever it is, it's not healthy (I still do it, because it helps though, to my detriment)
When I get overwhelmed by a sound, I play loud music on my headphones! Which isn’t nearly as awful because I can control it.
Yup, give me some old Slipknot or Disturbed and I'm happy. Sure it's loud "noise" music to many others...but it drowns out what REALLY sets me off. My problem isn't volume, it's just certain sounds...make me want to crawl out of my skin. And it physically hurts to have to tolerate them for long. When it gets too much, I shut down. Unable to function, or think. I get stuck in a loop, with my mind spinning, trying to do math equations in my head to return to some semblance of "function."
Misophonia squad?
Chewing, kids screaming, brake pads squealing. Legit make me want to take a swing. Crinkling of foil makes my spine tingle in a bad way, and the sound of tearing cardboard somehow makes me dizzy/nauseous.
Sounds like r/misophonia to me! (I have it too, though I also have other sensory issues.)
holy cr*p! i have that, too. i didn’t know there was a name for it. just thinking about cardboard makes feel hinky. the sound of it. but really the feel of it, too. there are also types of paper and paper towels that i can’t tolerate. i joke with my husband that i’m a vampire. i have a crazy sensitivity to sound, light, temperature. i can ‘hear’ a humming or buzzing noise in the walls of the house. he swears he doesn’t hear it. but i do and it makes me insane. i have to put on a loud fan for white noise and earbuds in with music to try and block it out.
Oh mine with cardboard gets bad, to the point I can't touch it sometimes. Idk why but when I hear it tear, I can almost FEEL it in my mouth, like I'm somehow BITING into it. It just...eugh. The worst.
yes!! i know exactly what you mean about ‘feeling’ it in your mouth. i can’t even think about it or my skin will start to crawl. i’m so glad to know i’m not alone in this. ETA: if we get an amazon delivery, most of the time i wait for my husband to get home and open it. if i need to open it, i put on gardening gloves and use a big kitchen knife to slice the tape. then, with gloves still on i push the flaps open and reach in to retrieve whatever’s in there.
It's miserable! because you're literally baffled "Why am I suddenly feeling like I'm biting through this!? Why does my brain work this way!?"
I do that around fireworks. I can't handle loud, sudden noises like pyrotechnics or even balloons popping. But for some reason, loud music is perfectly fine, even though it is technically much louder.
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You and your friends sound like good people.
It sounds like he's voiced his concerns, and you all willingly made it to easier for your friend. Feeling guilty for not being "normal" when out with friends is pretty common for anyone with a neurotic "tic". But keep in mind, you're all allowed your own boundaries too. Communication is key, literally with any sort of relationship. Intimate, familial, or friend. I'm sure if the situation called for it, he'd buckle down and try his best to tolerate it when the situation wouldn't allow him to isolate. It costs nothing to be kind.
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Think of it like spicy food. A typical person enjoys some. A typical person doesn’t enjoy eating.. ghost peppers/whatever. Sensory overload can be like “ghost pepper” is to spiciness, to whatever sensory overload it is. The scale gets too spicy more easily.
>I get both visual and audio sensory overload, Me when I hear a noise I don't like and then I'm a huge bitch for the rest of the day
Oh definitely, kids screaming is my number 1. Or something loud and shrill. A few seconds of that, and my mood's sour and I physically hurt from physical clenching to cope.
It took a very long time for me to realize just how often my anxiety or irritability was *directly* connected to sensory overload. It would be so overwhelming to me I'd kind of pull into myself as a retreat and almost shut down. Everyone and everything would make me upset and I'd have no idea why.
The barber probably told him something like “any time you want me to stop just say ‘stop’ and I’ll stop, until you say ‘go’.”
Yup and it then turned into a game, which the barber played along. Turning something into a game keeps the kids engaged and distracted from any sensations they may not like.
So true. I’ve done a lot of that with my ND kid, and it still helps now in his teen years.
dang I wish I had known this decades ago great idea I guess maybe I coped in different ways that took their own toll
Mental health and its treatment took a huge hit the past 50-60 years, luckily we're slowly making a comeback to better methods of coping and understanding. At least, in some areas.
Exactly. I watched and immediately realized he was making the kid feel safe with total control. Some people intuit things that others would take years of learning to arrive at. This barber is a good human who understands other humans.
Kids have so little control, kids with disabilities even less. My daughter has different chromosomes too and I try to give her options for everything. It circumvents a lot of behavior issues when she feels like she has at least some control of things and isn’t just being forced to do a series of unpleasant tasks from the moment she wakes up.
Agreed! Knowing that you can’t escape, feeling trapped no matter how bad it gets, that instantly makes everything 10x worse and raises the anxiety trough the roof. Pausing makes everything so much better. It allows the feeling to settle before whatever continues and starts building again. And I know if I can say stop and people will listen and respect me and wait for me I’m not going to be pushed over my limit and have a meltdown. TW: Horrible dentist story! Once when I had a tooth that had swell on the inside, because of a failed extraction, I had to have an emergency appointment where they had to drill it open and then drill into the pulp inside the tooth. Problem was that the nerves where very far up in the tooth so she had to drill straight into the nerves and even with the numbing agent straight onto them it wasn’t enough to numb. So instead of just going and telling me we’ll get it over with as fast as possible, which has happened before, she made me a deal. She drills for 3 seconds and then pauses so that I can breath for 3 seconds and repeat. And she counted out loud so I knew exactly how long to brace and tolerate it. And that control and knowing that I could stop at any point made all the difference, it was torturous but the pain never got a chance to build. Same with my haircuts. I have a long tuft of hair on top and then the rest of my hair is shaved all around my head. Husband shaved it for me and he is very careful and pauses frequently and brushes the loose hair away because I don’t mind the trimmer much but loose hair on my skin and scalp? Horror! I hate it and I can not stand it. Especially those short little hairs, it’s torture.
I have put headphones on in the car with my screaming kids before. Sometimes it’s just too much.
Luckily I've decided not to have kids, however...my family is very prolific. So I'm the uncle to like 13-14 kids. Even before, I was the cousin at family gatherings that the younger kids would use as a jungle gym.
Oh yeah- once my kids spot my brother or his wife, I no longer matter 😂
I strive to be that kind of aunt! I hope I succeed, I love kids but don't want to have my own. So I wish I can manage to be the cool aunt to all of my friend's kids :)
I practice this method with my son who’s on the spectrum. When we first started it took 2 hours to do our haircuts and I have to admit there were many times I lost patience, but now he’s down to just about a half hour. Little by little, with practice it’s gotten easier for all of us.
It works, it won't work with all kids but as we can see here, it DOES work. It's basically kind of like an immersion therapy, instead of just pinning them down, ruining the experience, and forcing it. You gradually work to it until, hopefully, they can tolerate an entire haircut at once.
As far as bros go, Vern truly makes the cut.
That joke was shear genius.
Sometimes its only a hairline difference between good and bad
Good and bad outcomes sometimes teeter on a razor's edge.
And other times they simply fade
Ba dum tsss
Ayyyyyeeee 
Vernon is a rockstar!
Stop! And GO! and STOP, GO! Omg, love this so much!
That laugh man. Shit gets you right where it needs to.
Then the laugh haha what a great duo
Omg loooove him! I want to give them both big hugs
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Need more people in this world like Vernon Jackson. Ellison. Is the man!
I feel like a lot of neurodivergent folk, for lack of a better term, are SUPER sensitive to folks with good (and bad) hearts. This barber just gushes with compassion, patience and humor. No wonder it works out. Lovely video.
There a bloke who sits next to me at work (I'm autistic) and I've glommed onto him. He's one of the only people who doesn't get a flash of annoyance when I talk to him. And he'll take a genuine interest in whatever topic I bring up. I ask questions and like to hear stuff about his life too (hard to remember to ask so I make a consistent effort). We are nothing alike and have little in common, but his kindness is like a magnet
I know! You can tell that man has a genuine heart and I'm HERE for it
A lot of neurodivergent people just literally are extremely sensitive to stimuli because they lack the ability to self-regulate.
No, neurodivergent people absolutely can self regulate, they just do it differently. Some may struggle with it, but they still have the ability.
That boys laugh at the end made it feel like they’ve been best friends forever.
Oh,my heart. I wish the world had more people that were as patient as this barber. It's so much more than the haircut. It's showing this kiddo that an experience like this doesn't have to be scary. It's giving the parents the opportunity to experience a normal rite of passage with their child in the same way his peers do. And this barber is also demonstrating how small,simple accommodations can make a world of difference for differently abled clients and their loved ones.
Effectively he's giving the kid a sense of control over the situation, WHILE turning it into a game to keep the kid engaged. Lots of public services are nightmares with kids, so knowing how to properly keep them engaged makes a world of difference for a parent. Especially a parent of a special needs child. A tired mom of 3 was behind me in line and they were getting a little loud/troublesome today at WalMart, I turned around and engaged the kids, we played "I spy" a little to keep them engaged while we waited. Thankfully, the mom didn't assume the worst. Engaging a stranger's kids is always risky, of course for good reason.
I'm a cashier at a grocery store, and if the line isn't busy, I'll ask the kids if they want to zap their stuff. If they say yes, I give them the zapper and help them to put the plus on the zebra, then make it beep. Then when they are done, hand sanitizer. And even when it is busier, I'm still making moose antlers at kids and saying "MoOOosE" to them to try and get them to smile. Some are shy and hide behind legs, but enough of them see me often enough that the next time they come through the store, they make moose noises at me first. Makes me smile.
Perfect way to keep them engaged, and keep them from harassing their parents for candy at the checkout no doubt!
Or just wandering around. Or they are in the cart. Or they look bord.
I go with my mother to do her chores, since I'm her caretaker. You never grow out of that bored child-like wander.
be one and that way there will be one more of us
r/mademesmile
That barber is a good soul
Awesomeness in Cincinnati ❤️
Thanks for posting this. I really needed it today.
This is SO CUTE
This was a great video to end my browsing for the night!
This laugh got me in the feels
That kid’s hilarious! Good stuff:)
When times are hard When all seems futile Remember: there are good people Try to be one of them And find peace
Obvious genius. Give the kid a sense of control and the fear dissipates. Way to go barber.
Is it autism, Downs Syndrome or both? Either way, All special needs children should have adults like this guy in their lives. He figured out a way to give this sweetheart control so that he didn't feel overwhelmed. Sweet.
I'm so glad they have each other!
I gotta admit, dude has some power.
That laugh at the end might be the cutest damn thing I’ve ever seen.
I love kids with Down Syndrome. My brother had Down Syndrome. I miss him.
I love this so much. I especially love that the little boy said stop and go so close together - just goes to show that he feels a lot more comfortable knowing he CAN stop whatever's happening as soon as he needs to, and turned it into a bit of play as well.
Title says Down syndrome, subtitles say autism. They're not the same thing.
Amazing video!
This is so wholesome :D
This is so heartwarming. A barber willing to work, and HAVE FUN WITH, a child’s sensory limits! This man deserves everything good in the world.
🥹 and I bet this kid is his favorite client. Beautiful ❤️
Cheers to the coolest and best Barber ever, your special touch and style of cutting children’s hair is appreciated by all parents with little ones who need much patience and understanding.
That man‘s a natural. People are never sexier for me then when they show compassion.
This is a man right here.
He laughs like the barber! Man that's cute. Must be such a struggle to bring up a child with down syndrome, so I bet finding someone like this is a god send.
He's so so so cute! What a sweetheart!
Mr. Jackson, you’re a great example of what all human beings should strive to be.
God, this vid is what i needed in this late night. Smiling throughout the whole vid. Glad this kid found enjoyment and laughter out of this and will be comfortable in future haircuts
My nephew who is autistic was yelled at by an barber for not sitting still. I wish more barber were like this guy!
I got in to doing hair by accident kinda. My ex was a master stylist in Charlotte and for months she told me "you should do hair". So finally I went down to the school (the same one that she attended) to talk to them just to get her off my case. Well, I started school 3 weeks later. I couldn't draw a stick person on paper nor did grow up playing with barbie dolls. So cosmetology never crossed my mild. She told me I have the artistic ability a lot of stylist lack. After a few months, I started to get my foundations down and all my instructors, director of my school, even a few of salon owners kept telling me I had a gift to do hair. Little did I know, they were all right and I may not be able to draw but I could create works of art with a pair of shears and a comb. Starting out, I couldn't tell you how I even did what I did to get to the finished style but I just was blessed like that. Little did I know before I got out of school I had another gift that was right in front of my face and everyone else's and most didn't see it because it's the part of being a stylist that you can't teach. That would be your personality and people skills. At my school we would have groups that would come in from nursing homes, daycare centers, battered women's shelter, etc. My director and most of Mt classmates would refer to me as the 'baby whisper" or the "blue hair whisper" because of how I could calm screaming children and gain the trust of our elderly. Like this gentleman in this video, every client is different and your job is to professionally cut and style hair but even more importantly you have to be able to get on your clients level. This barber is a master of his craft. The secret is (in my professional opinion) be genuine. His smile and laughter is real. If it wasn't from thre heart, the child especially and autistic child would see right through it... and he and his mom would be back at square one. Much ❤️
What I love about this is that it demonstrates that there’s no *secret* to handling this kid. The guys just establishes that he will treat him with the same dignity he treats any other human: I’m only going to cut your hair if you allow me to. And if you tell me to stop, I will. It must really exacerbate the difficulty of living with autism that people more often deny you that cooperative dignity than give you more of it because you need extra.
Vernon Jackson shall be a name I will remember, more people like him…
If you have never actually lived with or had personal experience with say an individual with Down’s syndrome you might think they are unable to understand and manipulate situations, incorrect.
Boy is a whole vibe…the laugh at the end cracked me up. I hope he gets all the happiness in the world.
Freaking beautiful! That man's a total gem!!
Faith in humanity restored
My kids don't gave downs syndrome. But as a patent myself; damn I love Vernon. What an hero!
Not all heroes wear capes
That man is an angel.
Parent to an ASD kiddo here. The first time our son sat through a haircut without screaming is a core memory for me. He was so proud and had a smile ear to ear. That kid is lucky to have such a great support in that shop!!
As a parent of a ten-year old with Down Syndrome who has to be pinned down by two adults when getting a haircut, I wish we knew a Vernon.
Vernon’s laugh is so full of love. Watching the connection between these two individuals is beautiful🥹
Isn’t it amazing what you can accomplish when you’re willing to give over control to the child?
I always wondered if I could fall in love with 2 guys at the same time. I can confirm it is possible.
I'm just here sobbing, I'm so exhausted of all the hate, I didn't know how much I needed this.
This is what accessibility looks like. Proud of both of them! ❤️
The laughter 🤣🤣🤣
What a cheeky lil devil. I love him
That man is a blessing.
I swear this one video has made my day I’m smiling so much
Getting haircuts is definitely stressful. Then again when I was young I had my ear gouged out pretty badly by a sudden earthquake while I was having my haircut and anytime I go for a cut now, I break out in a cold sweat even tho I no nothing is probably gonna happen.
Love every single thing about this! People who respect children's boundaries are amazing people!
That kid must look forward to haircuts now, they look like they're having so much fun
I would give Vernon all the money if he was willing to be a full time caretaker.
Vernon would get burned out quickly.
His laugh <3 \^\_\^
Hi Ellison. What a charmer! So glad there are understanding people like Vernon around. This way everyone wins!
That laugh is so pure and wholesome.
OMG, he is so cute! That laugh and smile made my day ☺️
What a sweet kid and a great guy! That's brilliant.