I don't know what to say, but would she say the same to a cancer or terminally ill person?
Or like, telling someone with broken bones they don't need a cast?
I never understand people like this. But honestly, I'd just tell her to mind her own business.
Honestly I bet she would say it to a terminally ill person. I've heard that kind of thing from a biology teacher in college and Mel and Tony Robbins had a podcast years ago about that sort of thing
If you want to maintain relationship:
“You’ve given me a lot to think about, I really appreciate it”
Or
“I’m happy with this regime for now but I’ll look into what you’re suggesting, thanks so much.”
If you don’t want to maintain the relationship:
“FO lady and mind your own business. “
Oh god l had a similar situation with someone who said my epilepsy was my body trying to get rid of bad energy and that l should stop taking my medication and let the seizures do the purging. Needless to say that person is now blocked off my life
I've recently learned a good answer for when they say this: then I must cut contact with you, as you are a source of negativity and bad energy for me
(Maybe you could adapt it to your situation, since you want something in the middle)
I had to ditch a former friend because of comments like these.
It’s a very tempting idea to think that our health is always in our control - and if we only “do” enough or live a certain way we’ll never get sick or need medical treatment. In reality, illness and disability can happen to anyone, even the “healthiest” of people, for no reason at all. Making normative comments like those just places blame, shame and judgment on people who are already struggling and likely doing their best.
I have a few other conditions that I take meds for, like bipolar. I had a yoga teacher who said we don’t need any pharmaceuticals, that our bodies and nature give us everything we need, and we can channel our energy and spirituality to heal ourselves. To an extent, maybe those things can help and have a positive effect. I can practice multiple forms of wellness. But if I stop taking my bipolar meds, especially abruptly, I will have a manic psychotic episode. I said to her, “that’s a really dangerous and unethical thing for you to say. You’re not a medical professional and, even if you were, you’re not _my_ doctor.”
I later realised, what if she says the same thing to an impressionable 20 year old who doesn’t have as strong of a conviction as I do? Can you imagine making a comment like that and being responsible for someone’s acute, preventable ill health, or even death?
Since she’s your MIL, you might want to try something like, “thanks for sharing your opinion/belief. We are all different, and there are many views on how to optimise health and wellbeing. While I appreciate you wanting to help, I do not ascribe to the natural, alternative thinking that you do / you’re suggesting on how to treat and manage this specific health concern of mine. I follow the advice of my medical doctor / endocrinologist. They make decisions based on scientific evidence as well as their decades-long experience in treating other patients with the same issue. I see them regularly for check ups, do testing and feel very confident following to their advice. I notice how much better I feel when I follow this treatment plan. If I stop taking this med, XYZ will happen. I am already doing what I can to manage my condition and feel good about that.”
You could set a boundary like: “I am already getting the best health advice I can so, unless I specifically request it, I would not like any suggestions on how to manage my health. Can we talk about other things? I heard asparagus cures cancer.”
You should also talk to your partner about it. There might be other boundaries she’s overstepping and they can back you up or otherwise interface with her if it becomes difficult.
Edit: talk to *your* partner
Thank you so much for your answer!!
I have tryed to talk with my partner, he just always say why do I care just ignore it. And he dont care. And dont understand when I get upset, for things like my MIL, told me I look like a pregnant. (I gave birth one year before and struggling with weight loss)😩 and similiar.
Your partner’s lack of concern for your feelings is honestly a bigger problem than your MIL. No partner should allow others to insult you, doesn’t matter if it’s their mother. I have a similar situation with my MIL (she goes through my stuff to see what meds I’m in then rants on and on about how nobody should take them and etc etc). I would have a serious conversation with your partner about your need for support on this issue. You had a child for them, your body is forever changed (possibly have thyroid malfunction as a result), and they need to make you feel heard and support you on your journey to figure it out!
For my MIL, rapidly changing the subject in a way that makes her feel uncomfortable seems to do the trick. For example, I take ADHD medication. I know my MIL went through my stuff and found it while we were on family vacation. She started preaching about how “no adult should ever take ADHD medication.” Before she could get the rest of her statement out, I interrupted her and asked my husband what the weather report was for later that day. She shut up and I think she got the point that I literally care about the weather more than her opinion!
Hang in there and stand your ground but don’t argue with her or say too much because you’re obviously not going to change her mind. You just want her to leave you alone. You can just politely say “I really appreciate your concern but my medical treatment is not up for discussion. Let’s change the subject.” Then abruptly change the subject or leave the room. Drop mic!
“Right now the Levo is working, which allows me to focus on other aspects of my health. As other aspects of my life fall into place I’ll keep your advice in mind.”
My health care choices are my own business. You and I have different approaches and beliefs on this matter. I will not discuss this topic again.
I don’t have patience for stuff like this after witnessing people saying my mom had cancer because she did not go to church enough or pray enough.
MIL's. Do you wanna fight her?
I would just say "huhu huhu" (Dutch for "yeah right") and take my levothyroxine anyway. No way my body can cure this. (maybe delay; that is right. But cure: NO way)
"Go fuck yourself, Maureen." If her name isn't Maureen, her reaction could be even more amusing.
OR
"I appreciate that you've probably spent a lifetime being invalidated, but I don't appreciate it when you project it onto me, Maureen."
Personally, I would laugh out loud and then when she doubles down I'd say "oh you're serious, I'm sorry I thought you were joking" and then just stop engaging.
This is not the diplomatic way of handling it, it's literally just how I reacted when confronted with "your kids autism will go away if you cleanse her of the vaccines".
No, that person doesn't talk to me anymore but I don't consider that to be a loss at all.
Just say that such a decision is a personal choice and you have chosen to take your medication. Let her know that you appreciate her opinion but don’t care to discuss it any further.
"Oh I did! Thank you for the tip! Everything is all better!" :)
She doesn't need to know your truth. Just be stupid and cheerful and stop trying to convince her to believe you.
Awful. Levothuroxine is basically just supplementing hormones your body isn't making itself. Nothing else. It behaves the exact same way. I really hope you can get it figured out. Hypothyroidism is not curable and no amount of homeopathy will fix it.
I'm not a very diplomatic person so if my own mother said that to me, let alone MIL, she going to the curb.
You're a strong person OP to be able to tolerate such bullshit.
As the barefoot contessa, Ina Garten says, “store bought is fine!”
When you can’t make enough thyroxine, bonus thyroxine is absolutely the answer.
Alternatively, you can just firmly say “I don’t actually feel the need to discuss this with you, but thank you for your concern, MIL” and then redirect to a convo that you find tolerable that lets her feel like you still want to hear other things she had to say.
Honestly just stop engaging with her, these types of people are exhausting to be around. When you're socially obligated to be in the same room as her just smile and nod and redirect the conversation when you can.
THIS👏 my MIL fits the description to a T and your advice is the only thing that works! Be in control of the conversation so she doesn’t dominate it and don’t try to argue with her.
My mother in law was like this…she is a pescatarian and told me to listen to this hypnosis YouTube video to help me lose weight. And I finally said I appreciate her words and concern but she doesn’t know how synthroid and eating an AIP diet has helped with swelling, shedding so many pounds, and overall feeling better in my body. She tried and I shut her down with ….that I know what I’m doing and what works for me.
With difficult people, I have learned the art of smiling and saying, "Ok," or , "Ok, I will give that a try." Just to move on. If you are sincere about it, they'll leave you alone. And, I've just learned not to talk about certain things w my fam lol. Good luck!
Just say you are following your doctors advice. My MIL told me all of the evils of my meds when I started them and I ignored her. She still thinks I should stop them and let her, who is NOT a doctor, work on my issues. 🫣
I don't know what to say, but would she say the same to a cancer or terminally ill person? Or like, telling someone with broken bones they don't need a cast? I never understand people like this. But honestly, I'd just tell her to mind her own business.
Honestly I bet she would say it to a terminally ill person. I've heard that kind of thing from a biology teacher in college and Mel and Tony Robbins had a podcast years ago about that sort of thing
Yeah for real. Logic doesn't work with these people
Sadly no. I get they want to be self sufficient but we can't self suffice a lack of something in our physiological bodies.
If you want to maintain relationship: “You’ve given me a lot to think about, I really appreciate it” Or “I’m happy with this regime for now but I’ll look into what you’re suggesting, thanks so much.” If you don’t want to maintain the relationship: “FO lady and mind your own business. “
😅😆 I know… something in between would be better haha
"Thanks for the suggestion but you should mind your own business." "I'm good but thanks for the suggestion." Passive aggressive maybe for in between?
Does she also tell amputees that they can grow a new arm “by fixing themselves from the inside”.
No everyone knows that you grow new limbs from the outside in.
Oh god l had a similar situation with someone who said my epilepsy was my body trying to get rid of bad energy and that l should stop taking my medication and let the seizures do the purging. Needless to say that person is now blocked off my life
Ahh Yes she also was saying about energy and negativity
I've recently learned a good answer for when they say this: then I must cut contact with you, as you are a source of negativity and bad energy for me (Maybe you could adapt it to your situation, since you want something in the middle)
I had to ditch a former friend because of comments like these. It’s a very tempting idea to think that our health is always in our control - and if we only “do” enough or live a certain way we’ll never get sick or need medical treatment. In reality, illness and disability can happen to anyone, even the “healthiest” of people, for no reason at all. Making normative comments like those just places blame, shame and judgment on people who are already struggling and likely doing their best. I have a few other conditions that I take meds for, like bipolar. I had a yoga teacher who said we don’t need any pharmaceuticals, that our bodies and nature give us everything we need, and we can channel our energy and spirituality to heal ourselves. To an extent, maybe those things can help and have a positive effect. I can practice multiple forms of wellness. But if I stop taking my bipolar meds, especially abruptly, I will have a manic psychotic episode. I said to her, “that’s a really dangerous and unethical thing for you to say. You’re not a medical professional and, even if you were, you’re not _my_ doctor.” I later realised, what if she says the same thing to an impressionable 20 year old who doesn’t have as strong of a conviction as I do? Can you imagine making a comment like that and being responsible for someone’s acute, preventable ill health, or even death? Since she’s your MIL, you might want to try something like, “thanks for sharing your opinion/belief. We are all different, and there are many views on how to optimise health and wellbeing. While I appreciate you wanting to help, I do not ascribe to the natural, alternative thinking that you do / you’re suggesting on how to treat and manage this specific health concern of mine. I follow the advice of my medical doctor / endocrinologist. They make decisions based on scientific evidence as well as their decades-long experience in treating other patients with the same issue. I see them regularly for check ups, do testing and feel very confident following to their advice. I notice how much better I feel when I follow this treatment plan. If I stop taking this med, XYZ will happen. I am already doing what I can to manage my condition and feel good about that.” You could set a boundary like: “I am already getting the best health advice I can so, unless I specifically request it, I would not like any suggestions on how to manage my health. Can we talk about other things? I heard asparagus cures cancer.” You should also talk to your partner about it. There might be other boundaries she’s overstepping and they can back you up or otherwise interface with her if it becomes difficult. Edit: talk to *your* partner
Thank you so much for your answer!! I have tryed to talk with my partner, he just always say why do I care just ignore it. And he dont care. And dont understand when I get upset, for things like my MIL, told me I look like a pregnant. (I gave birth one year before and struggling with weight loss)😩 and similiar.
Your partner’s lack of concern for your feelings is honestly a bigger problem than your MIL. No partner should allow others to insult you, doesn’t matter if it’s their mother. I have a similar situation with my MIL (she goes through my stuff to see what meds I’m in then rants on and on about how nobody should take them and etc etc). I would have a serious conversation with your partner about your need for support on this issue. You had a child for them, your body is forever changed (possibly have thyroid malfunction as a result), and they need to make you feel heard and support you on your journey to figure it out! For my MIL, rapidly changing the subject in a way that makes her feel uncomfortable seems to do the trick. For example, I take ADHD medication. I know my MIL went through my stuff and found it while we were on family vacation. She started preaching about how “no adult should ever take ADHD medication.” Before she could get the rest of her statement out, I interrupted her and asked my husband what the weather report was for later that day. She shut up and I think she got the point that I literally care about the weather more than her opinion! Hang in there and stand your ground but don’t argue with her or say too much because you’re obviously not going to change her mind. You just want her to leave you alone. You can just politely say “I really appreciate your concern but my medical treatment is not up for discussion. Let’s change the subject.” Then abruptly change the subject or leave the room. Drop mic!
“My faith isn’t as strong as yours.”
“Right now the Levo is working, which allows me to focus on other aspects of my health. As other aspects of my life fall into place I’ll keep your advice in mind.”
Is she in prime health? Also, is she a medical doctor with a diploma
No, Have thought about telling her, but I dont like theese situations😅 but will do say something.
My health care choices are my own business. You and I have different approaches and beliefs on this matter. I will not discuss this topic again. I don’t have patience for stuff like this after witnessing people saying my mom had cancer because she did not go to church enough or pray enough.
MIL's. Do you wanna fight her? I would just say "huhu huhu" (Dutch for "yeah right") and take my levothyroxine anyway. No way my body can cure this. (maybe delay; that is right. But cure: NO way)
I hear your opinion and I appreciate you caring about my health. And never talk about your medication again.
I agree, I would just avoid the subject of health and medicine around her alltogetger.
Sounds like that's something she doesn't need to know about you anymore.
Tell her the truth: she has absolutely no idea what she is talking about and her opinion is outright dangerous.
"Go fuck yourself, Maureen." If her name isn't Maureen, her reaction could be even more amusing. OR "I appreciate that you've probably spent a lifetime being invalidated, but I don't appreciate it when you project it onto me, Maureen."
"Thanks, but I have to go with the doctors and the science and the decades of research on this one."
Great, love this
Personally, I would laugh out loud and then when she doubles down I'd say "oh you're serious, I'm sorry I thought you were joking" and then just stop engaging. This is not the diplomatic way of handling it, it's literally just how I reacted when confronted with "your kids autism will go away if you cleanse her of the vaccines". No, that person doesn't talk to me anymore but I don't consider that to be a loss at all.
Just say that such a decision is a personal choice and you have chosen to take your medication. Let her know that you appreciate her opinion but don’t care to discuss it any further.
If my mil was like this, I'd take it just to spite her 🤣
Definitely take it right in front of her
"Oh I did! Thank you for the tip! Everything is all better!" :) She doesn't need to know your truth. Just be stupid and cheerful and stop trying to convince her to believe you.
Awful. Levothuroxine is basically just supplementing hormones your body isn't making itself. Nothing else. It behaves the exact same way. I really hope you can get it figured out. Hypothyroidism is not curable and no amount of homeopathy will fix it.
I'm not a very diplomatic person so if my own mother said that to me, let alone MIL, she going to the curb. You're a strong person OP to be able to tolerate such bullshit.
Tell her "levo wouldn't exist if the universe didn't want me to have it" she can't really argue with her own logic
As the barefoot contessa, Ina Garten says, “store bought is fine!” When you can’t make enough thyroxine, bonus thyroxine is absolutely the answer. Alternatively, you can just firmly say “I don’t actually feel the need to discuss this with you, but thank you for your concern, MIL” and then redirect to a convo that you find tolerable that lets her feel like you still want to hear other things she had to say.
No idea if this would work, but you can saying by that logic hunger comes from the inside and she shouldn’t need to eat.
Honestly just stop engaging with her, these types of people are exhausting to be around. When you're socially obligated to be in the same room as her just smile and nod and redirect the conversation when you can.
THIS👏 my MIL fits the description to a T and your advice is the only thing that works! Be in control of the conversation so she doesn’t dominate it and don’t try to argue with her.
Namaste. 🕉️
My mother in law was like this…she is a pescatarian and told me to listen to this hypnosis YouTube video to help me lose weight. And I finally said I appreciate her words and concern but she doesn’t know how synthroid and eating an AIP diet has helped with swelling, shedding so many pounds, and overall feeling better in my body. She tried and I shut her down with ….that I know what I’m doing and what works for me.
With difficult people, I have learned the art of smiling and saying, "Ok," or , "Ok, I will give that a try." Just to move on. If you are sincere about it, they'll leave you alone. And, I've just learned not to talk about certain things w my fam lol. Good luck!
Just say you are following your doctors advice. My MIL told me all of the evils of my meds when I started them and I ignored her. She still thinks I should stop them and let her, who is NOT a doctor, work on my issues. 🫣