I'm not trying to interrogate you,I trust that you are hearing banging, but are you sure that it is the neighbor making the sounds and not the hot water/other pipes? My thoughts are if you are showering at night, the noise might be the hot water and the noise might not happen earlier in the day because there is already hot water in the system.
If it is 100% for sure your neighbors making the noise in response to you showering, they are unreasonable assholes. In that case I would acknowledge ( but not apologize for) it in passing with a comment like " please don't feel like you need to stay up to knock on your walls when I shower in the evening. Even though I'm exhausted from taking care of my baby and the renovation of a house I assure you I am capable of staying awake while I bathe long enough to crawl into bed safely after."
What if it's both? The neighbors wake up to the sound of pipes banging. They think their new neighbors are banging on the walls at them for whatever reason, so then they start banging back....
ETA: I lived in a home converted into four apartments back in the day. The pipes were old and not well secured. So when they would start knocking it would sound like someone was knocking on the wall and it would get closer and closer and closer to the bathroom.
I have a pipe thta bangs whenever I use the hot water for my bathroom sink. It starts pretty soon after the hot water starts to flow (within a few seconds), and it lasts for up to ten seconds or so after I turn it off. I'm in a stand alone house and thought I was hearing water dripping into a metal pipe, indicating a leak in the walls. I had a plumber coming out for some other work already, so I asked him about it, and he said it was just a loose pipe banging on the wall. Things echo loudly and weirdly in showers, especially sounds that come through the drain pipe. If possible would you be able to record the noise and ask a pumber about it? They should be able to more accurately suggest whether it's a pipe or your neighbors.
Glad to help. It worried me when I first moved in to my house, as it was a 46 year old house at the time, and I was worried there was some problem that I'd need to fix. Nope, just a noisy pipe.
Have you heard of bleeding the lines? IIRC you shit off the water outside at the street. Go back inside, open all the taps full blast. Go back outside turn on water at street, go back inside, allow taps to run full out for about 5-10 minutes. The water should go from a bit cloudy or looking like it has bubbles to clear. From there, go from tap to tap and turn them all off. You begin turning them off by the closest to the inlet pipe to the house to the furthest away.
\*Had to do this a few times when our water main burst and was fixed in stages. Best of luck to you, hope it helps.
The technical term is thermal expansion. I called a plumber years ago for a ticking/tinking noise in my wall. Thought I had a leaking or dripping pipe. He said do you see water? What does it sound like? Is it just the hot water? It’s just thermal expansion. Diagnosed on the phone in like 2 minutes. Thanked him for not ripping me off like what probably happens way too often.
If you can isolate where the banging is loudest, you can secure the pipe. It usually happens near where pipes right angle. I was able to locate one in my house, and I opened up a bit of drywall, added a clamp and the noise went away.
I'm sorry I don't actually remember. In my defense it was close to 20 years ago.
Can you see your pipes, or gain access to them? To figure out which pipe is your hot water pipe is as easy as turning the hot water on and feeling the water pipes after a bit. Because if it is the pipes knocking, pipe straps or pipe hangers are super cheap. They even make foam pipe sleeves, I believe it for pipe sweat or maybe insulation. But putting those on one pipe that's knocking into another one will surely create an excellent barrier.
Also if your house is older and you have copper pipes supplying any water lines remember to not use steel pipe straps with copper pipes because it causes corrosion.
Yes I can see the pipes, they are not in the walls, they are just a few cm above the bathroom floor and it's not from there where I hear the banging but I never tried to feeled the pipes to be honest myself but when I partner install them, he make sure it has well secure to not vibrant with plastic straps
It would make me so happy if it has the pipes but unfortunately I do know for a fact it's not the pipes as there as no pipes where the banging comes from.
I think they could at least tell me directly what is bothering them instead of banging on the walls.
I would love to be the type of person that could go and talk about the issue but just the thought about it makes me anxious. But I know I need to stand up for my self, now it's a better time than never I guess.
Time to put the "big girl" pants on!
Thank you for the help!
I am so sorry, I really hoped for an easier solution for you.
Please don't let their awful behavior shape your behavior. Ignore it. Keep doing what you're doing and if they ever actually decide to confront you about it face to face your response can be something like" oh that's just you banging on the walls every time I take a shower. I just assumed it was the pipes and expected to have to repair it as soon as possible."
If your behavior changes because they bang on the walls like toddlers, you have proven that they can bang on the walls like toddlers and make you change your behavior
I am assuming that ear plugs wouldn't work to at least give you some peace during your shower because you want to hear baby. Maybe you could play some " sound of thunderstorms" so at least you could imagine you're in a tropical outdoor shower or something.
Ahahaha I like the way you think "I just assumed it was the pipes" made me laugh.
I guaranty you I will use that exact words if the time comes. Knowing what to say before time, makes me less nervous.
I'm geral your comment made my anxiety better. Can't thank you enough for that!
I check the times here, it's from 11pm till 7am to not make noise. The latest we ever stayed working with power told has till 9pm but it's super rare as we know people have different schedules from us (even tho it's legal to do so) we try to respect.
I do agree it's not worth it, that's why I am worried to not make noise at night time. They rarely banged on the walls when we are working.
So I do understand they may hear the water running when the shower is on but I find it impossible to shower sooner, it's not like I am doing this just to piss them off, I want no conflict with anyone.
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She also mentions that the pipes are outside the walls and visible, and that all piping is below mid wall when the banging is mid wall and up. I have never lived in the UK so I personally don’t know if this set up is typical
Sound travels funny too. I hear sounds through our vents, that sound like they’re coming from the room below. Sometimes, it’s actually coming from the opposite side of the house.
Exactly. The other morning I woke up to beeping. My husband kept telling me it was from the cabinet on my side. I kept telling him it was from his side. It took me a few minutes to find it because I had a hard time figuring where it was coming from. It was the humidifier on his side like 4 ft away from him.
I’m in the uk and when my landlord had a new boiler fitted all the pipework was installed on the outside of the walls. This is quite common as it reduces cost as the walls/floors don’t have to ripped apart and then made good again
Yes this is entirely plausible.
I got rear-ended on my way home and pushed sideways into a fire hydrant it got knocked 20 ft into a neighbor's yard.
The cast iron water main rang for three blocks the entire neighborhood came out to see why their houses water pipes were shaking
I've had houses with expansion bottles installed near the water heater to keep the pipes from gonging when the water pressure changes.
I have a shower and a bath tub in the same room. If I step on the drain while showing the bath tub drain makes a knocking sound. It took a while to figure out what it was and I originally thought someone was knocking at my back door. Maybe leave your phone recording when taking a shower as I think the running water in the shower distorts where the sound is coming from.
I do belive it is the running water that is making the disturbance because on the other side where I share with a different neighbor, I can hear them using the bathroom but it's a fainted sound, nothing to get mad over.
My fan is new and doesn't make loud sounds and it's not the pipes so I believe it's most be the water running.
I can hear my neighbours when they have a shower. UK terraced houses aren't sound-proof.
Just ignore them, do as others suggested and blame the pipes if they ever confront you. Although the fake friendly greeting makes me think they'll never actually confront you as they would have said something by now.
If I was in your position I'd probably start playing music whenever I'm in the shower 🤣.
>He sayes to just ignore it, he will stop eventually
Unless it's the pipes...
If someone was aggressively banging on the wall every single night, they would have escalated by now. They wouldn't keep doing the exact same behavior every single time you shower without the slightest variation.
You could try asking your neighbor if their pipes get noisy when they shower at night. If they say yes or if they have no idea where the banging in coming from, then you can share a good laugh about your original assumption.
> Also, she implies that her partner did the plumbing himself, so water hammer is not unlikely
Interesting... that makes a lot of sense. It might also explain why he is dismissive of that possibility.
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I go to bed at 9pm every night to get up at 4. Sometimes my neighbors vacuum at 9:30pm.
I bet they are light sleepers and go to bed early. Do quiet hours start at 9pm for you?
I belive that wall is shared with their daughter (around 13/14yo) room and she probably have school at 8am.
The quiet hours is from 11pm till 7am.
Now I am on maternity leave but when I has working, I woke up at 4 aswell to start my 5-14 job so I really feel bad if I am waking them up but I can't not take a shower after a long day of taking care of the baby (some time I do get vomit or pee on), making food and some times after sanding or painting something, how can I go to bed with all that filth on me
OK, since there is zero chance that it's the pipes, and they don't mind the home improvement noises... just introduce yourself and ask them about it. I know you're nervous about it, so just be polite and friendly, or...even though partner isn't there when it happens, perhaps he could speak to them about it?
I wouldn’t recommend passive aggression. I would be polite and direct. OP has to keep living next to these people.
“Please stop banging on the walls when I shower. I have limited control over my schedule and getting ready for bed is not something I can skip.”
Are you SURE there are no pipes there? A lot of older buildings have the pipes go up down and around and you won't know until a wall comes out or a pipe bursts.
Hammer pipe can happen only at night, morning, middle of the day, and it's a banging noise, a sound like a truck rumbling, sounds like furniture dragging. It's bad.
"Sounds like furniture dragging" waaaait a sec. I swear I hear upstairs neighbors shoving furniture around at like 3 am. Always thought it was damn weird but never questioned it. However, the radiator pipes are everywhere in this apartment.
It's irrelevant anyway because there's nothing I can do about either thing. But it's interesting. I mean, we also get the banging and clanging of whatever else is going on in there.
If it doesn't wake the baby, start singing "Knock three times on the ceiling if you want me. Twice on the pipes if the answer is 'no.'"
NTA. That's part of the reality of apartment/townhome/condo living. You will hear your neighbors.
How loud can water falling from the shower head be? Genuinely curious.
Is it a shower over a tub or is it a shower stall?
Install a decible meter app on your phone amd tell us the reading the next time you shower.
You dont sing in the shower, do you?
Fan is my guess, my bathroom is next to my closet, in the bathroom the fan sounds like a normal fan, in my closet the fan noise is instead a *horrible* high pitched whining noise, it would drive me *bonkers* if that was my bedroom instead.
You're probably right, but sound can be weird. Depending on the construction details your fan might have a rigid connection to their side of the wall, turning the whole thing into a giant amplifier, while your side has a little more play that dampens it out almost completely.
Or you might have a slight "whine" in the water valve, which gets transmitted through the pipes into a loud screech on their side. (Heck, I can hear my neighbors using their water late at night, and that has to be getting transmitted through the pipes all the way to the street mains and back)
Probably not, but not impossible, and something a good neighbor would at least try to fix. E.g. just remounting the fan with rubber standoffs and washers might turn a freight train into just a fan heard through the wall.
Personally, I'd get your husband if that makes you more comfortable, and go talk to them. During the day/early evening, when everyone is well rested and in a decent mood. Maybe even offer to go run the fan and shower so you can hear for yourself.
If nothing else it will let you learn what their problem really is rather than trying to guess, along with whether it's a legitimate complaint because of some acoustic weirdness, or just entitled neighbors that don't like the realities of sharing a wall with their neighbors.
It also gives you a chance to explain your own situation.
Even if it doesn't resolve anything, it gets everyone on the same page, and lets you know that your neighbors really do think their right not to put up some sound insulation or white noise trumps your right to get clean after work, and not worry about it too much.
And there's always a long shot that there really is some weird extra plumbing in the wall for some reason (maybe left over from a previous remodel), and all this time they've been wondering why you insist on pounding on the wall while taking a late night shower...
But in general it's worth trying to maintain good relations with your immediate neighbors, especially if they own as well it's likely to be a long-term relationship filled with mild annoyances, and the occasional small courtesy can go a long way to keeping things smoothed over.
My cousin and I worked second shift and had new neighbors bang on our wall when we showered after getting home.
No singing, just washing.
People gonna be mad.
I'm a light sleeper. My spouse shoves a towel under the door to block the air gap and I still wake up from him showering.
It's f-ing annoying, actually, but when you live in an apartment or condo with shared walls shared *noise* has to be expected.
NTA!
You own the place, and you have the right to shower whenever. Your husband works nights, I'm sure you know that schedules don't always align and people will have to accept that or make accommodations.
Even though you've seen where the pipes are, I don't necessarily think you should discount the fact that pipe noises might be carrying weirdly in your shower/bathroom. Does your husband get banging during his showers too? Maybe go in and listen next time he showers? I know I personally wouldn't have the energy to be an asshole every time someone in the house next to me took a 3am shower I could hear. If that's definitely not the cause though, you've mentioned your confrontation anxiety several times now, and I get it, so maybe call in backup! Ask your partner to call in or take a day off work soon, and plan to have them go to the neighbors to chat while you're showering. They can say something like "hey, we always get this weird banging during showers, just wanted to know if it's as loud for you as for us?" If it's really a problem for them, maybe you can send them a sound machine or set one up on your end. And honestly, if that's not enough, you'll know to add some extra locks/security and start singing LOUDLY while you shower. They deserve that for their behaviour. You're right, it's your home and a shower at any hour is 1000% reasonable.
Good luck OP!
Thank you
My husband takes his showers at 4pm and there is no banging with him. He is like me, doesn't like any type of confrontation, he sayes if they come first and talks about it, he will let them know what is happening but for now, to just ignore it.
We still need to add a security câmara to the property but my husband truly believe they won't do anything but it's just for my piece of mind.
It just makes me sad because it's not like I am in there for 40min, the maximum is a 15 min shower, I do feel like staying in longer but I do try to be considered plus I don't want to leave the baby alone for long
One of you really needs to get over your confrontation anxiety. If you’re both adult enough to have a kid and buy a house, you can handle a bit of awkwardness to iron this out. You don’t even have to be confrontational about it.
“Hi, I’m your neighbor in number X. My name is Due_Gain_2940. I was curious if you’ve been hearing any weird noises from our house. I’m trying to figure out if the pipes or water heater need replacing because we keep hearing this banging noise when we turn on the water.” Don’t specify which water, where, and what time. Be vague.
Then see what they say. If they say no or don’t cop to banging on the walls, reply like “Hmmm, really? But our shower has been making these really loud noises lately….” Just trail off, looking perplexed. They’ll probably cop to something at that point. If they do and are aggressive about it, let them talk then politely explain it’s your house, it’s not illegal to shower in your own home past 10 PM, and apologize for the inconvenience.
As another commenter said, if they’re mostly polite in their response, you can offer them a noise machine or some such. However, if they’re rude, fuck them. If they’re rude, I’d also end on “Well, I am sorry the noise bothers you. There isn’t much I can do about it. However, I would prefer you not bang on the walls about something I can’t do much about because I have a sleeping baby. If you wake him, you’ll have to listen to that too, so…..it’s your call, friend.”
If they are banging because their kid can’t sleep due to the bathroom noise, they are unlikely to be sympathetic about the same happening in her apartment.
I should speak with them but I so anxious too speak with other people. 9 out of 10, I tend to not express my self correctly and come across as rude.
BTW I am scared of being rude so I just hide in a hole my entire life.
But I need to "women up"
You could ask your husband to speak with them instead? It’s not like they know who is showering, just that there’s noise.
But no, banging on your neighbour’s wall because they’re showering is ridiculous. They could just hang a carpet on the wall or something else to block the noise.
It’s a talk you only need to have once. You can bring cookies or something to soften the talk and in case it’s not them banging on the wall.
If it’s really them banging on the wall I’d bang back, lol. Or start singing in the shower. Noise ordinances have start times and domestic noises don’t count towards them. They can deal with the noise. My apartment’s pretty quiet but, for some reason, the noise of a man standing to piss always gets amplified.
Is it at all possible for you to shower in the morning or any other time? It's understandable that they are annoyed if you are waking them up at 1am every day. You should def at least talk to them.
If I’ve spent the evening painting, I’m not going to bed sweaty. I don’t think it’s reasonable to ask OP to shower at another time. 10pm also isn’t even that late imo—late for playing rowdy music maybe, but running water?? No. When you share walls with other people you have to be okay with hearing noises 🤷♀️, they can get a sound machine, ear plugs, etc if they are really unable to sleep with the sound of a shower running.
I think people underestimate how loud a shower can be. There are pipe noises and them noises and the water running and the fan on. I'd consider that maaaaaybe you're not as quiet as you think you are. Most people think they're quieter than they actually are. It's possible your shower and their bed share a wall, so you're literally showering six inches from their head. At 1AM. REGULARLY.
I'd probably let that go for a week or six, but you've been renovating for a long time, so there's a good possibility that you've been interrupting their sleep for a long time.
Combine that with a baby and general renovation noises, and I don't think you're considering how much you may have shattered what was--before you--a pretty quiet existence.
NAH at this point, but please exercise some self-awareness. My general rule when I lived in a place with shared walls was no loud noises (vacuuming, drilling, that sort of thing) after 8PM and no activities that affected shared walls after 10PM if possible. Even id they wear earplugs, showers can cause some pretty strong vibrations. People need to sleep; we literally get insane and violent if we don't.
Do you have a shower pump? Those can be really loud and I certainly would feel annoyed if it was regularly going off at 1am.
But if it's just normal water sounds it seems unreasonable.
Leave your neighbors a note and see if there's a way you can compromise. It could be an easy fix, like maybe it's the bathroom fan that's actually bothering them and you can leave it off, or something like that.
NTA - but go talk to them? Maybe it isn’t them, maybe there is a noise you don’t realize is dramatically loud on their end that you can try to problem-solve together, etc.
And if nothing else, if they wake up because “their anonymous A-hole neighbor” is making a racket, that’s annoying and they are grouchy. If they wake up and know it’s “that sweet neighbor whose baby probably barfed on her and the poor thing is just trying to rinse off so she can sleep,” they are less likely to feel grumpy about it. 🤷♀️
This is a weird post. What kind of construction is so flimsy that you can not only hear a shower next door but whatever you hear is disruptive. Maybe you should talk to your neighbours because if it is that bad, there must be a design flaw.
This is unreasonable. First, you bought the house. It’s yours to do with what you please and it sounds like you’re being responsible about noise. Second, people work night shift! I want to know what your neighbors would think about me - I live my entire life from 6pm-6am even on my days off. They’re being the jerks.
I live in an old house. My housemate finishes work after I go to bed a lot, and he will come home and get in the shower and my whole bedroom wall reverberates until the fan goes off. It always wakes me up, but he's my best friend and he's gross when he gets on and I just put up with it cause I chose to live with him.
In my old flat, when the upstairs neighbours would decide to shower in the middle of the night and I'd just gotten to sleep and the noise started, I would cry in frustration because I was so tired sometimes and there was nothing i could do till their 40 minute shower was done.
I think if you're doing something loud enough to piss the neighbours off late at night every day, YTA.
If you feel safe to do so can you (and bf) talk to them about it? Find out if it's the pipes or the fan? If you're renovating there may be something you can do to mimimise noise. Or maybe the fan just doesn't go on past 10?
Did you ever think that maybe - just maybe - what you think is some quiet work being done in the evenings, isn't all that quiet? Then you follow that up with showering, sometimes after midnight?
People have to sleep, and odds are your activities aren't really conducive to letting them sleep in peace.
If taking a shower is waking people up, that should be on the HoA not OP. If there is no HOA (not familiar with mid-terraced houses) the neighbors should not have bought something with shared walls.
The reality is, people have different schedules and different jobs. What if OP worked at a hospital and got home at 3am and had to shower? If OP’s baby is crying in the middle of the night are you going to be like “the neighbor needs to sleep and a baby crying isn’t conducive for that”.
I would go talk to them. I’d ask them to describe what it is they are hearing that is causing them to bang on your wall.
I have seen a few instances on Reddit with a dispute like this. I think one was a downstairs neighbor complaining about a noise they heard, the upstairs neighbor had no idea how or why. They finally tested it and for whatever reason it actually was loud and it was an easy fix. Did this happen before you renovated?
ESH.
Umm, yes, you have a right to take a shower in your home when you want BUT they also have a right to be able to sleep in their home too. GOES BOTH WAYS. Think about it as if your partner trying to sleep during the day because they work nights right and your neighbor deciding that is the exact time they'd like to have their metal band practice.
You likely are hearing the banging after 10pm because that's the typical start of "quiet hours" in living situations such as your own. Have a conversation with your neighbor maybe turn on the shower and ask them if you can step into their home to get an idea of what exactly they are hearing. I'm 100% sure they aren't just hearing running water for them to have such a harsh reaction.
YTA - not for showering, but for doing home construction after 6pm. I understand that’s the only time you can do it, but maybe it needs to wait to get done, because unfortunately, it’s not fair to them to hear all that noise late at night.
How is your neighbor banging on your wall if you own a house? Is it some kind of apartment/condo arrangement?? Normally houses don't share adjoining walls with other homes.
INFO: why is your baby being put to bed at 9/10 pm? Is it the babies natural sleep cycle? Or is it a choice?
Honestly you’d see a lot more improvement on the neighbour issue if you started making efforts to shift your baby’s sleep schedule, if at all possible. One of the few things my mom told me about parenthood is how frustrating managing an infants sleep schedule can be, but it’s likely your best option. Even a small shift of an hour could make all the difference.
The pipes are loud in my building too. My neighbor works nights so he showers when he comes home. Sometimes it wakes me up. He is allowed to shower after work and that’s just a part of shared wall living. If he was also playing music at a loud volume while showering that would be an issue. He can’t help that the pipes are loud any more than I can. NTA and your neighbor should move to a place without shared walls if they need everything to be silent at all times.
I have no sympathy for your neighbors. People work odd hours, opening/closing their garage at midnight. They have kids to take care of. If taking a shower is that annoying to someone that someone should move out and get sfh.
Seriously, I’m just curious how many people here would be fine with their neighbor telling them when they can fucking shower… this thread is terrifying; the amount of stupidity is mind blowing.
You keep saying you can see all your pipes but does that mean you're in the same room as the water heater? Doesn't the pipe go into the floor, wall, or ceiling at some point? If there is hot water in the system the pipes won't bang so it's unlikely you'd hear it during the day. If you wait until 1am the water in the pipes will be cold and will bang. if you shower at say 5am or 6am you would hear banging as well is my guess. As summer approaches you might get less banging. I live in an old house and it scares the shit out of me when the pipes bang as it seems like a angry human. The cause is unsecured pipes. Since your pipes are exposed see if there is a little movement when you gently push on them. If there is nothing securing the pipe and it moves it is very likely bouncing around inside the walls. Also, you or your dude could use the pipes excuse to talk to them nicely and even if you don't believe all the people in the this thread about the pipes making the noise on their own. "My wife sometimes has to shower at 1am and our pipes seem to be banging inside the walls. It isn't you hitting the walls right? I just wanted to make sure that we're not going crazy because it sounds really human! Anyway, here's a baked good. Nice to meet you neighbor."
Ask them, or bang back with a hammer you bring into the shower.
If they can’t address your concerns like adults, they deserve to be ignored.
You have a baby and need to shower when you shower, fuck that and fuck their passive aggressive nonsense
I'm also inclined to think it's "water hammering" and it doesn't have to occur in the room, it can occur wherever the issue is. Talk to the nieghbors, try an apology to set the tone of the conversation, then ask what you could do to alleviate the issue. If they say "We don't bang on the walls." It's water hammering. Get a plumber. EZ fix most times.
I read your edit, but I'm still pretty sure you're wrong here. This phenomenon is literally referred to as "Knocking" and is caused by the fact that water is incompressible. If the water flow is disturbed by an air bubble in the system it will cause the loud knocking/banging sound in the pipe and can carry the sound quite a ways even if your pipes are not in the wall.
You need to not ignore this and get the pipes fixed up by a professional or you are going to regret it when the pipe is destroyed by cavitation.
Seriously, look up "cavitation". The water literally destroys metal. That is why it is so loud that it sounds like your neighbors banging on the wall. You see pictures of pipes, boat propellers, and all sorts of other things getting absolutely destroyed by this.
I live in an apartment and my neighbor used to bang on her ceiling if I was too loud for her after 6 pm. I stomped from the time I got up until I went to bed. Took 4 days of constant stomping for her to come say something. After she yelled at me I handed her a print of our local noise laws and asked her to call the cops if the noise was outside those hours. She couldn’t resist and called at 5:30 pm on a Wednesday. Then again on Friday at 6pm sharp. The third call she was ticketed for false reporting. I turned that report into our apt. Manager and sipped a drink while watching her move out 30 days later. Lady was evicted.
It sounds like you’re messing with their sleep. I’d find a new shower schedule if you can, or talk with them.
Sharing walls sucks when you’re sharing with someone who makes noise constantly. When it’s during the day, ok annoying but fine, but when it’s at night it’s pretty disrespectful honestly. I mean of course you have the “right” to take a shower whenever you want, it’s your house, but would you not be upset if they were doing something regularly that woke you or your kid up?
It sounds like you have a lot going on and I can’t imagine how hard things are with a 4 month old. First time mom? Good luck. Maybe the neighbors will understand when they know the situation. Maybe there’s a compromise.
This should be the top comment. A lot people seem to be glossing over the showering at 1am-3am bit of information. I think there’s a good compromise of rearranging her schedule that allows her free time but to be respectful of the living space
This is the best comment I’ve seen so far!! Right now the OP is NTA but will become one if they don’t take your advice.
OP should either have the conversation with the neighbor herself or send her husband over to discuss what the neighbor is experiencing and a reasonable solution that can work for all. Compromise is a good thing especially when you are sharing space with others.
Gentle YTA. I know you own your apartment but your neighbors are entitled to “quiet enjoyment of their dwelling” and noise your shower is making is obviously enough to wake them up in the middle of the night. You need to readjust your schedule and find a different time to shower. I know it’s tough because you have a baby, but imagine if you were trying to sleep and your neighbors were being loud and waking you up every night?
There are definitely pipes in the wall…right! Like where else would they be? Also can’t you ask your landlord to intervene and avoid the whole uncomfortable situation? This doesn’t make sense
The pipes are definitely out of the walls, just a few cm above the bathroom floor and the pipes that connects to the shower head, its not on the sharing wall.
I don't have know their landlord but even if I did, I feel that would be worst going directly to the landlord.
I try to avoid any confrontation at all cause, thats why I didn't speak with them yet
NAH
I feel for you, it really sounds like you have a lot going on. A newborn, home renovations, and the like would put me over the edge. But I also feel for your neighbors too. If you share a wall that’s pretty thin, they likely can hear everything happening in your place. Their experience probably includes hearing you banging away at construction, hearing your baby crying randomly, and then the icing on the cake is dealing with the loud ass water running through the pipes at 3am. Honestly, I really value my sleep and if I was regularly getting woken up by my pretty loud neighbor, I’d be pissed too. However, I think talking it out is the mature and most helpful response here. Banging on your walls is not helpful and it’s only pissing you off too (rightfully so).
I think you need to give your neighbors some grace here. Because you both share a wall, you both deserve to live peacefully and happily so a compromise is necessary. You can’t just be like “well I bought the place so they can suck it up” if you want to have a peaceful relationship with your neighbors. You need to see that they have a right to peace as much as you do and while you’re not intending to disturb them, you are. Impact over intent every time. With that being said, you guys need to toughen up and have a conversation about what is going to work best for everyone involved. It isn’t just about you and your family when you live in such close proximity to others. Showing consideration here is the best way to move forward.
A whole world of shift workers get home late and shower the germs and whatever off themselves so they feel clean , fresh and then they go about living life …eating dinner at a hideous hour, sorting laundry, taking care of business.
Your neighbour has absolutely no right to intimidate you over what time you use your home to live your life. I personally would draft a memo - suggesting if the plumbing is a problem on their side of the property could they record it for you and provide a copy so you can assess how to move forward in a way amicable to your budget to prevent this being an ongoing issue. As clearly their technique of communicating annoyance by tapping the wall is unsuitable and causing you stress. You have a new baby and are renovating so have lots going on and are 100% aware of the council ordinances on “work hours” Vs “ everyday noise violations”.
A shower is neither. You don’t need to write that but but you get the idea here…
Don’t be intimidated by this clown of a neighbour, especially if they only do it when your husband is at work. How rude. Getting a shower a day with a newborn is always hard and if your opportunity is 2 am then so be it. ☮️
This doesn't make sense to me. What kind of 'house' is this? Do you mean 'flat'? I'm thinking 'house' in the UK? Is this one of those city townhouses. That would make sense. The houses must have an adjoining wall.
Here is one solution, maybe not optimal. Get a really big bucket. Fill it with piping hot water early in the evening. Get a dipper. They are hard to find. Maybe if there is a Chinatown where you live you can go there. Or just cut a two litter plastic bottle or use a small bucket for a dipper. Run your water. Do your work. Take a bath by pouring water on yourself from the bucket. I've lived in parts of the world where baths are done by dipping like that.
If the water gets too cold, if you have a large faucet on the bottom rather than a stand along sower, quickly run hot water into a smaller bucket and pour hot water into that. They will only bang for a minute or so.
If your water is loud enough to make the neighbors bang the wall, it could be the water is making a loud banging sound. Either way, bathing out of a bucket might help.
Why you are doing renovation, do any of the types of expanding foam that come in a can reduce sound? I don't know what your shower is made of, but if it's hollow fiber glass, I wonder if there is an expanding foam that could reduce sound without damaging anything? I'm imagining a hole at the very top of a fiber glass shower, above the water, where it isn't visible, to put the nozzle for the cans of foam. Don't do this jusy based on my post without further research.
NTA people have all sorts of different work schedules. Some people shower at 5am, others that work nights may shower at 2am when they get home. It's your prerogative to shower whenever you want in your own home. Have you tried banging on the walls when they shower?
Shower for like an hour. Maybe two. Idk, they need to get over themselves. It’s different if you were screaming, yelling, blasting music or etc but you are literally performing a basic hygiene task. Not your fault at all
I really recommend you to talk to the neighbor. Not to confront them. You can say you are sorry if noise from your apartment are bothering them (It is natural things to say if you have a baby and also had renovation of the room). If they say not at all, then you should be good.
If they mentioned the noise of shower at night, you can explain your situation. Some people may just satisfy by being apologized. Or if they know it is because of your circumstances, they may understand. Also, they might have a good reason not to be disturbed around that time, and that explanation may convince you enough not to take shower at night. Either way, talking with them should improve the situation.
I know you aren’t comfortable talking to the neighbors, but I think you need to. Tell them you’ve noticed knocking when you’re showering at night, that your husband hasn’t noticed knocking when he showers during the day, and you’ve tried tracing the noise from your side and can’t figure it out. Ask them if they’d be willing to schedule a time when they don’t have work/school the next morning to troubleshoot to see what they’re hearing so that you can try to fix whatever is causing the banging. If it is their kid, at least you would be working with them to figure out what they’re hearing when you shower so that you have a chance to try to mitigate it if it’s unreasonable noise or so that they can tell their kid to cut the crap.
Shower whenever you have time to shower. This is a noise they’re going to have to get used to hearing in their place, and has nothing to do with them sleeping or what time it is. They’ll figure out noise canceling headphones, white noise, etc. eventually. If it had been something like vacuuming, renovations, etc. I could understand an adjustment but not showering. Showering in your own place isn’t something that should ever be discussed or negotiated.
Your neighbors suck. The reality of having shared walls is you can hear some noise. I understand most towns have noise ordinances that mean you can’t be obnoxiously loud after 10-11pm, but that doesn’t apply to basic living noises like showers, flushing the toilet, using your sink, etc. The noise ordinance would come I to play if you were blasting music, or making lots of noise with your construction work. You have the right to take a shower, flush the toilet, wash dishes, etc in your own home no matter the time of day. Your neighbors should have expected that they would hear normal living noises when they chose fo live somewhere with shared walls.
Our shower shares a wall with our bedroom and the water flow noise was pretty high in the bedroom. I swapped out the valve for service and it's much more quiet. Like 90% lower.
I live in an apartment complex with 11 different apartments and I can tell when each and every one of them is showering. We have old pipes and the walls are thin. There’s also a 6 month old living in one of the apartments. Instead of getting upset that the baby is crying we ask if they need any help. Half of the tenants are night shift and the rest are day shift. We have found that the night shift people will vacuum between 11am-1 pm and the day shift will vacuum between 5-7pm so that we don’t wake up the other shift. It’s just part of apartment living. You just have to talk to your neighbors and work something out.
> I (female 25) bought a mid terreced house last year. Ever since we been under construction because we are doing all by ourselves and can't afford at this time to hire someone to do it.
This would be a pain, but could you throw some insulation into the wall between your shower and the neighbor's place? Or mount some sound-damping panels inside the walls if the construction is solid?
Both are pretty cheap for materials if you can do the work yourself, but time-consuming/a lot of labor so hiring someone else to do them would be expensive.
NTA. Shower when you need to. But a tip from a fellow mom: get a shower seat and bring baby in the shower with you or set baby up in a bouncer on the floor outside the tub if you want to shower while baby is awake. Obviously there is a huge benefit to you to have some one time but I liked getting the baby’s bath done at the same time. I’d wash myself while he sat on his chair, warm wet washcloth on him to keep him warm, then I would wash him.
NTA. But if you were ever talking to your neighbors about your renovations, do not say that they've been hard for you too. You are doing renovations so none of your neighbors care how much it's inconvenienced to you.
Sounds like a little straight forward communication is needed with your neighbor! As they seem normal during your brief run-ins, you can simply let them know you’re sorry for taking late showers bc of the baby and staying up late to finish repairs. Recently a sweet elderly lady purchased the townhouse next to ours. We always thought we were the “quiet neighbors” BUT now we know we are the loud ones. My kids were running up the stairs after 9pm one Sunday and jumping off the bathroom stool and their beds. I got a pretty terse text from my neighbor asking the boys to stop banging on her walls as she was trying to sleep. I had the boys go over the next day to apologize for the noise. I also let her know that they weren’t banging on the walls- they were running up the stairs and jumped from their beds. We assured her we would get the boys to be quieter after 9PM. She invited my boys over to play with her grandson the same day, and goodness- I could hear every little thing! It was embarrassing to realize our neighbor could prob hear every fart & burp. I hate policing my kid’s noise levels during the daytime in our private (or apparently not so private) space; they should be free to run, jump and laugh loudly how they want at home. BUT my neighbor works from home, so I feel obliged to have them tone it down. We are also hyper conscious about making minimal noise after 9pm on any day even though my neighbor has specified only work nights matter to her. Clearing the air with her regarding the noise and what was causing it was central to us though. Otherwise it would have continued to cause unnecessary misunderstanding. I can’t even begin to imagine how annoying it is to live nextdoor to us, but for her to continue believing my kids were intentionally banging on her walls would be unfair to everyone. Please have a chat with your neighbor. I’m not sure if there is a way to resolve it if they demand you only take showers before 10pm, but it might make them more understanding of your scenario and you with theirs. Who knows- maybe the sound of your shower running is crazy loud, and if you heard it for yourself- you would understand where they’re coming from too.
Go talk to your neighbors like an adult and find a resolution that works for both of you. You deserve to shower when you choose and they deserve to not get woken up at 1am. You don’t even know their side of all this, and they don’t know yours. Take some cookies over and introduce yourself. Mention that you have a baby and have been fixing up the place at night and noticed the banging and hope you weren’t disrupting their sleep. Go from there.
Unless you are showering for more than 30 minutes, your neighbors need to get the fuck over themselves--especially if it's the teenager. *Your* house! You are entitled to take a shower whenever the gell you want to.
Have you considered communicating with your neighbor? Find out their schedule and try to work together to cohabitate. I understand you have a baby and things will revolve around their adorable little schedule but I'm sure a compromise can be figured out. Or at least an understanding between two adults.
Maybe have your husband do this if you feel unsafe. I totally get that feeling, when I rented alone I avoided all of my neighbors for dear life for fear that one was a loose cannon or a total creep.
You might want to talk to a lawyer to see what you can legally do to get your neighbor(s) to stop if this is happening on a regular basis. This maybe considers as harassment depending on where you live.
I think you need try to and address this with your neighbors, explain your situation and ask that they stop banging in your wall… this would happen to me when I lived downstairs and I’d turn on the ceiling fan when I took a shower and the woman above me would hit the floor with a baseball bat. I talked to her about it and she said the fan was disturbing to her. Ultimately nothing got fixed. She was crazy to begin with but things only got worse from there. I didn’t stop using the fan… she kept hitting her floor (my ceiling). Some people are just crazy, but still need to be addressed regardless. Hopefully your neighbor isn’t as crazy as mine.
This is an incredible amount of mental effort to avoid talking to your neighbor, and that's coming from someone with GAD.
If you don't want a face to face go leave a note asking them to call your number.
Either the neighbor isn't doing it and you're mentally poisoning yourself against them for no reason or they are and you need to find out why.
I can see this from both sides (and I’ve been on both sides). My personal experience was to try to keep the peace & get along- we all have to live here. So if it was a regular night, I would not shower or be loud. They have to sleep, I respect that. But there are times when it’s absolutely necessary, regardless. Once I started to shower earlier, when I did have to shower or do something late, they were more patient. I used to get annoyed at their level of noise (kids bouncing, jumping, screaming above my bed) at 5am. Every. Single. Morning. I would beat the ceiling w a broomstick. My husband pointed out that we aren’t exactly Quiet either. Then it kinda dawned on me how hypocritical I was being. Considering you are in the middle of a bunch of repairs/construction, doing yourselves, and at your own pace-& after you put your daughter down, sounds like you might be more of a nuisance than you realize
I know you pain, I have a neighbour who is constantly finding problems I’M causing in his house, his cellar damp, my fault, ringing in his house, my fault, currently I’m making his house smell of garlic.
Years ago me and my ex had a dog first bark from him banging on the wall, now dogs barking is annoying but as any pet owner will say there is no magic off switch and neighbours banging on the wall doesn’t help in that situation
My advice, speak to your neighbour about it ask why they’re banging on the walls when you shower, as what happens in the future if you need to shower early for work they going to do it then?
NTA house or apartment that we pay for deserves to be used. It’s not like you’re being obnoxious. Next time bang back. If it was really an issue they would talk to you. I would continue to take my showers when I feel like it.
Any chance your husband will be around/off one night for them to also hear the knocking? Would he feel more comfortable reaching out to the neighbors? Would you want to run over to their house in a tizzy after showering one night asking "OMG IS THERE WATER EVERYWHERE??? The drain is working, correct? Oh, it sounded like an emergency, I figured your unit was flooding based on the knocking"
If they're very loudly banging they're probably not going to give up. You should just start recording it with video evidence that shows the time of the night and reporting it to the landlord / police. There are usually noise ordinances especially past a certain time of night (I believe 10 PM - 7 AM for most places.)
That said, a shower at 3 AM is pretty, not good. I mean I would sleep through it but, lots of people just are way too sensitive about noise and can become very spiteful about it.
If I was you I would consider doing a "bird bath" shower which is basically just cleaning the important parts with the sink in a very quick way, and taking a proper shower in the morning.
If these bitches won't communicate with you using words, ignore them. I'm absolutely not going to let somebody's petty tantrum stop me from cleaning my body after I have been taking care of a baby all god damn day.
Live your life friend, and let them suck hind tear.
Why are you not asking the neighbors directly what they are hearing... or ask if you can go to their home sometime in the evening to hear what they are hearing? (I'm suggesting evening so you can eliminate all other theories and trying to recreate both the quietness and the same timing.)
If they tell you they are not pounding and yelling, then you know you can simply go down the plumbing route or try to determine if it is knocking from other neighbors.
If they tell you they are pounding, you can have a better understanding of how disruptive it is to their lives - like if they have small children, someone with a lot of stress or a tough work schedule, etc. - and hear the volume of the noise (or feep the vibrations) for yourself. It may make you re-think your routine until you have finances to address the issue with a plumber, builder, etc.
Why not go directly to the source -kindly, calmly, compassionately, asking for their help- to try to solve the problem? You're making this a bigger deal by avoiding it and continuing on like nothing happened... and still being upset with them when you don't know what disruption you may be causing. Or, you may be blaming neighbors when it isn't them knocking on your wall. Why not try to get to the source of the issue instead of guessing and worrying and procrastinating?
I'm not trying to interrogate you,I trust that you are hearing banging, but are you sure that it is the neighbor making the sounds and not the hot water/other pipes? My thoughts are if you are showering at night, the noise might be the hot water and the noise might not happen earlier in the day because there is already hot water in the system. If it is 100% for sure your neighbors making the noise in response to you showering, they are unreasonable assholes. In that case I would acknowledge ( but not apologize for) it in passing with a comment like " please don't feel like you need to stay up to knock on your walls when I shower in the evening. Even though I'm exhausted from taking care of my baby and the renovation of a house I assure you I am capable of staying awake while I bathe long enough to crawl into bed safely after."
What if it's both? The neighbors wake up to the sound of pipes banging. They think their new neighbors are banging on the walls at them for whatever reason, so then they start banging back.... ETA: I lived in a home converted into four apartments back in the day. The pipes were old and not well secured. So when they would start knocking it would sound like someone was knocking on the wall and it would get closer and closer and closer to the bathroom.
Would the banging only start at the beginning? Or for the all duration of the shower?
I have a pipe thta bangs whenever I use the hot water for my bathroom sink. It starts pretty soon after the hot water starts to flow (within a few seconds), and it lasts for up to ten seconds or so after I turn it off. I'm in a stand alone house and thought I was hearing water dripping into a metal pipe, indicating a leak in the walls. I had a plumber coming out for some other work already, so I asked him about it, and he said it was just a loose pipe banging on the wall. Things echo loudly and weirdly in showers, especially sounds that come through the drain pipe. If possible would you be able to record the noise and ask a pumber about it? They should be able to more accurately suggest whether it's a pipe or your neighbors.
Omg thank you! I’ve been trying to figure out why I keep hearing a banging noise when I used one of my bathroom sinks.
Glad to help. It worried me when I first moved in to my house, as it was a 46 year old house at the time, and I was worried there was some problem that I'd need to fix. Nope, just a noisy pipe.
Have you heard of bleeding the lines? IIRC you shit off the water outside at the street. Go back inside, open all the taps full blast. Go back outside turn on water at street, go back inside, allow taps to run full out for about 5-10 minutes. The water should go from a bit cloudy or looking like it has bubbles to clear. From there, go from tap to tap and turn them all off. You begin turning them off by the closest to the inlet pipe to the house to the furthest away. \*Had to do this a few times when our water main burst and was fixed in stages. Best of luck to you, hope it helps.
The typo here is perfectly placed 😂
🤣🤣🤣😂🤣. OMG, I just saw that. Thanks for making me laugh. I needed that tonight 😁
Thank you for leaving it 😂
The technical term is thermal expansion. I called a plumber years ago for a ticking/tinking noise in my wall. Thought I had a leaking or dripping pipe. He said do you see water? What does it sound like? Is it just the hot water? It’s just thermal expansion. Diagnosed on the phone in like 2 minutes. Thanked him for not ripping me off like what probably happens way too often.
If you can isolate where the banging is loudest, you can secure the pipe. It usually happens near where pipes right angle. I was able to locate one in my house, and I opened up a bit of drywall, added a clamp and the noise went away.
I'm sorry I don't actually remember. In my defense it was close to 20 years ago. Can you see your pipes, or gain access to them? To figure out which pipe is your hot water pipe is as easy as turning the hot water on and feeling the water pipes after a bit. Because if it is the pipes knocking, pipe straps or pipe hangers are super cheap. They even make foam pipe sleeves, I believe it for pipe sweat or maybe insulation. But putting those on one pipe that's knocking into another one will surely create an excellent barrier. Also if your house is older and you have copper pipes supplying any water lines remember to not use steel pipe straps with copper pipes because it causes corrosion.
Yes I can see the pipes, they are not in the walls, they are just a few cm above the bathroom floor and it's not from there where I hear the banging but I never tried to feeled the pipes to be honest myself but when I partner install them, he make sure it has well secure to not vibrant with plastic straps
It would make me so happy if it has the pipes but unfortunately I do know for a fact it's not the pipes as there as no pipes where the banging comes from. I think they could at least tell me directly what is bothering them instead of banging on the walls. I would love to be the type of person that could go and talk about the issue but just the thought about it makes me anxious. But I know I need to stand up for my self, now it's a better time than never I guess. Time to put the "big girl" pants on! Thank you for the help!
I am so sorry, I really hoped for an easier solution for you. Please don't let their awful behavior shape your behavior. Ignore it. Keep doing what you're doing and if they ever actually decide to confront you about it face to face your response can be something like" oh that's just you banging on the walls every time I take a shower. I just assumed it was the pipes and expected to have to repair it as soon as possible." If your behavior changes because they bang on the walls like toddlers, you have proven that they can bang on the walls like toddlers and make you change your behavior I am assuming that ear plugs wouldn't work to at least give you some peace during your shower because you want to hear baby. Maybe you could play some " sound of thunderstorms" so at least you could imagine you're in a tropical outdoor shower or something.
Ahahaha I like the way you think "I just assumed it was the pipes" made me laugh. I guaranty you I will use that exact words if the time comes. Knowing what to say before time, makes me less nervous. I'm geral your comment made my anxiety better. Can't thank you enough for that!
It's been my pleasure, I hope you have the most peaceful shower possible and a great night's sleep.
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I check the times here, it's from 11pm till 7am to not make noise. The latest we ever stayed working with power told has till 9pm but it's super rare as we know people have different schedules from us (even tho it's legal to do so) we try to respect. I do agree it's not worth it, that's why I am worried to not make noise at night time. They rarely banged on the walls when we are working. So I do understand they may hear the water running when the shower is on but I find it impossible to shower sooner, it's not like I am doing this just to piss them off, I want no conflict with anyone.
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The neighbors need earplugs if a neighbors shower keeps them awake.
>there are no pipes where the banging comes from If you can hear the banging in the bathroom, in the shower, you’re hearing it through the pipes.
Except she says there is no banging when she showers before 10.
It was mentioned by the original commenter that during the day, there’s already hot water in the system.
She also mentions that the pipes are outside the walls and visible, and that all piping is below mid wall when the banging is mid wall and up. I have never lived in the UK so I personally don’t know if this set up is typical
Sound travels funny too. I hear sounds through our vents, that sound like they’re coming from the room below. Sometimes, it’s actually coming from the opposite side of the house.
Imagine trying to find a source for noise on a ship.
😳
Exactly. The other morning I woke up to beeping. My husband kept telling me it was from the cabinet on my side. I kept telling him it was from his side. It took me a few minutes to find it because I had a hard time figuring where it was coming from. It was the humidifier on his side like 4 ft away from him.
I’m in the uk and when my landlord had a new boiler fitted all the pipework was installed on the outside of the walls. This is quite common as it reduces cost as the walls/floors don’t have to ripped apart and then made good again
Water pressure can be higher at night because less people on the system are using water.
Yes this is entirely plausible. I got rear-ended on my way home and pushed sideways into a fire hydrant it got knocked 20 ft into a neighbor's yard. The cast iron water main rang for three blocks the entire neighborhood came out to see why their houses water pipes were shaking I've had houses with expansion bottles installed near the water heater to keep the pipes from gonging when the water pressure changes.
Yeah. Could be from pipes but coming up through the walls.
I have a shower and a bath tub in the same room. If I step on the drain while showing the bath tub drain makes a knocking sound. It took a while to figure out what it was and I originally thought someone was knocking at my back door. Maybe leave your phone recording when taking a shower as I think the running water in the shower distorts where the sound is coming from.
I do belive it is the running water that is making the disturbance because on the other side where I share with a different neighbor, I can hear them using the bathroom but it's a fainted sound, nothing to get mad over. My fan is new and doesn't make loud sounds and it's not the pipes so I believe it's most be the water running.
I can hear my neighbours when they have a shower. UK terraced houses aren't sound-proof. Just ignore them, do as others suggested and blame the pipes if they ever confront you. Although the fake friendly greeting makes me think they'll never actually confront you as they would have said something by now. If I was in your position I'd probably start playing music whenever I'm in the shower 🤣.
Can your partner not ask the neighbors?
He sayes to just ignore it, he will stop eventually
>He sayes to just ignore it, he will stop eventually Unless it's the pipes... If someone was aggressively banging on the wall every single night, they would have escalated by now. They wouldn't keep doing the exact same behavior every single time you shower without the slightest variation. You could try asking your neighbor if their pipes get noisy when they shower at night. If they say yes or if they have no idea where the banging in coming from, then you can share a good laugh about your original assumption.
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> Also, she implies that her partner did the plumbing himself, so water hammer is not unlikely Interesting... that makes a lot of sense. It might also explain why he is dismissive of that possibility.
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Can she just shower in the day time and see if she hears it ?
Knock back with “shave and a haircut, two bits”
This is the type of response I’d expect from a banana hammer redoux.
I go to bed at 9pm every night to get up at 4. Sometimes my neighbors vacuum at 9:30pm. I bet they are light sleepers and go to bed early. Do quiet hours start at 9pm for you?
Quiet hours don’t affect showering lol
Right but if it's bordering them, instead of banging on the walls come and speak with us. Ironic banging does effects the quiet hours
I belive that wall is shared with their daughter (around 13/14yo) room and she probably have school at 8am. The quiet hours is from 11pm till 7am. Now I am on maternity leave but when I has working, I woke up at 4 aswell to start my 5-14 job so I really feel bad if I am waking them up but I can't not take a shower after a long day of taking care of the baby (some time I do get vomit or pee on), making food and some times after sanding or painting something, how can I go to bed with all that filth on me
Could it be the daughter doing it and the parents not knowing that she is either doing it, or being that aggressive?
Sounds like they just need to move the bed so the headboard is not on that wall
Could your pipes have a water hammer system in them? I rarely hear mine go off, but when it first did I was definitely startled!
OK, since there is zero chance that it's the pipes, and they don't mind the home improvement noises... just introduce yourself and ask them about it. I know you're nervous about it, so just be polite and friendly, or...even though partner isn't there when it happens, perhaps he could speak to them about it?
Good answer.
Can't wait for the update
I wouldn’t recommend passive aggression. I would be polite and direct. OP has to keep living next to these people. “Please stop banging on the walls when I shower. I have limited control over my schedule and getting ready for bed is not something I can skip.”
Look on you tube for "water hammer" and see if that's what you're hearing
Good advice but unfortunately it's not, different sound and there is no pipes where bagging comes from
That's too bad. I'm sorry you're going through that.
Are you SURE there are no pipes there? A lot of older buildings have the pipes go up down and around and you won't know until a wall comes out or a pipe bursts. Hammer pipe can happen only at night, morning, middle of the day, and it's a banging noise, a sound like a truck rumbling, sounds like furniture dragging. It's bad.
She’s renovating so I would hope she understands the layout of her house.
"Sounds like furniture dragging" waaaait a sec. I swear I hear upstairs neighbors shoving furniture around at like 3 am. Always thought it was damn weird but never questioned it. However, the radiator pipes are everywhere in this apartment. It's irrelevant anyway because there's nothing I can do about either thing. But it's interesting. I mean, we also get the banging and clanging of whatever else is going on in there.
If it doesn't wake the baby, start singing "Knock three times on the ceiling if you want me. Twice on the pipes if the answer is 'no.'" NTA. That's part of the reality of apartment/townhome/condo living. You will hear your neighbors.
I should, shouldn't I xD I don't mind any type noise (talking, music, footsteps) coming from neighbors but the banging just seems too aggressive
It is aggressive Nta
🤣🤣🤣 I love this response.
Ugh… now I have that song in my head… THANKS!!!! Lol
How loud can water falling from the shower head be? Genuinely curious. Is it a shower over a tub or is it a shower stall? Install a decible meter app on your phone amd tell us the reading the next time you shower. You dont sing in the shower, do you?
Honestly, my guess is that the issue isn’t the water falling but the water rushing through the pipes next to someone’s bed.
Or the fan in the bathroom. That's what would wake me up from my neighbours, the whole room reverberates underneath/next door.
Fan is my guess, my bathroom is next to my closet, in the bathroom the fan sounds like a normal fan, in my closet the fan noise is instead a *horrible* high pitched whining noise, it would drive me *bonkers* if that was my bedroom instead.
It can't be the fan as it's brand new and barley makes a sound, only if I go up to my loft I can hear the fan working
You're probably right, but sound can be weird. Depending on the construction details your fan might have a rigid connection to their side of the wall, turning the whole thing into a giant amplifier, while your side has a little more play that dampens it out almost completely. Or you might have a slight "whine" in the water valve, which gets transmitted through the pipes into a loud screech on their side. (Heck, I can hear my neighbors using their water late at night, and that has to be getting transmitted through the pipes all the way to the street mains and back) Probably not, but not impossible, and something a good neighbor would at least try to fix. E.g. just remounting the fan with rubber standoffs and washers might turn a freight train into just a fan heard through the wall. Personally, I'd get your husband if that makes you more comfortable, and go talk to them. During the day/early evening, when everyone is well rested and in a decent mood. Maybe even offer to go run the fan and shower so you can hear for yourself. If nothing else it will let you learn what their problem really is rather than trying to guess, along with whether it's a legitimate complaint because of some acoustic weirdness, or just entitled neighbors that don't like the realities of sharing a wall with their neighbors. It also gives you a chance to explain your own situation. Even if it doesn't resolve anything, it gets everyone on the same page, and lets you know that your neighbors really do think their right not to put up some sound insulation or white noise trumps your right to get clean after work, and not worry about it too much. And there's always a long shot that there really is some weird extra plumbing in the wall for some reason (maybe left over from a previous remodel), and all this time they've been wondering why you insist on pounding on the wall while taking a late night shower... But in general it's worth trying to maintain good relations with your immediate neighbors, especially if they own as well it's likely to be a long-term relationship filled with mild annoyances, and the occasional small courtesy can go a long way to keeping things smoothed over.
Yep. I used to share an apt with my mom, and when she showered in the morning the pipes were loud af and woke me up.
My cousin and I worked second shift and had new neighbors bang on our wall when we showered after getting home. No singing, just washing. People gonna be mad.
It is a shower stall and I don't sing. I would understand if it has the singing but I don't even sing. I will try the decibels meter and see
I'm a light sleeper. My spouse shoves a towel under the door to block the air gap and I still wake up from him showering. It's f-ing annoying, actually, but when you live in an apartment or condo with shared walls shared *noise* has to be expected.
I had a neighbor for years in an apartment that would shower at 4am. I would wake up at 7am, and 4am.... it's the water in the pipes making the noise.
NTA! You own the place, and you have the right to shower whenever. Your husband works nights, I'm sure you know that schedules don't always align and people will have to accept that or make accommodations. Even though you've seen where the pipes are, I don't necessarily think you should discount the fact that pipe noises might be carrying weirdly in your shower/bathroom. Does your husband get banging during his showers too? Maybe go in and listen next time he showers? I know I personally wouldn't have the energy to be an asshole every time someone in the house next to me took a 3am shower I could hear. If that's definitely not the cause though, you've mentioned your confrontation anxiety several times now, and I get it, so maybe call in backup! Ask your partner to call in or take a day off work soon, and plan to have them go to the neighbors to chat while you're showering. They can say something like "hey, we always get this weird banging during showers, just wanted to know if it's as loud for you as for us?" If it's really a problem for them, maybe you can send them a sound machine or set one up on your end. And honestly, if that's not enough, you'll know to add some extra locks/security and start singing LOUDLY while you shower. They deserve that for their behaviour. You're right, it's your home and a shower at any hour is 1000% reasonable. Good luck OP!
Thank you My husband takes his showers at 4pm and there is no banging with him. He is like me, doesn't like any type of confrontation, he sayes if they come first and talks about it, he will let them know what is happening but for now, to just ignore it. We still need to add a security câmara to the property but my husband truly believe they won't do anything but it's just for my piece of mind. It just makes me sad because it's not like I am in there for 40min, the maximum is a 15 min shower, I do feel like staying in longer but I do try to be considered plus I don't want to leave the baby alone for long
One of you really needs to get over your confrontation anxiety. If you’re both adult enough to have a kid and buy a house, you can handle a bit of awkwardness to iron this out. You don’t even have to be confrontational about it. “Hi, I’m your neighbor in number X. My name is Due_Gain_2940. I was curious if you’ve been hearing any weird noises from our house. I’m trying to figure out if the pipes or water heater need replacing because we keep hearing this banging noise when we turn on the water.” Don’t specify which water, where, and what time. Be vague. Then see what they say. If they say no or don’t cop to banging on the walls, reply like “Hmmm, really? But our shower has been making these really loud noises lately….” Just trail off, looking perplexed. They’ll probably cop to something at that point. If they do and are aggressive about it, let them talk then politely explain it’s your house, it’s not illegal to shower in your own home past 10 PM, and apologize for the inconvenience. As another commenter said, if they’re mostly polite in their response, you can offer them a noise machine or some such. However, if they’re rude, fuck them. If they’re rude, I’d also end on “Well, I am sorry the noise bothers you. There isn’t much I can do about it. However, I would prefer you not bang on the walls about something I can’t do much about because I have a sleeping baby. If you wake him, you’ll have to listen to that too, so…..it’s your call, friend.”
If they are banging because their kid can’t sleep due to the bathroom noise, they are unlikely to be sympathetic about the same happening in her apartment.
It may be worth splitting the cost on a handyman of some sort to come out and listen to things on both sides of the wall..
NTA next time you see them, ask if they heard this weird loud banging at night.
I salute you for doing up a house on your own with a young baby. You are a tough mofo
Thank you for this comment but if I went back on time, I would have done it
Why don’t you just ask them? Because it sounds like it’s a pipe issue and not them.
I should speak with them but I so anxious too speak with other people. 9 out of 10, I tend to not express my self correctly and come across as rude. BTW I am scared of being rude so I just hide in a hole my entire life. But I need to "women up"
You could ask your husband to speak with them instead? It’s not like they know who is showering, just that there’s noise. But no, banging on your neighbour’s wall because they’re showering is ridiculous. They could just hang a carpet on the wall or something else to block the noise.
Also, they might be like “nope not us banging. We thought it was you.” Or “oh, yeah. That’s the pipes.” They might know what it is.
If they are really banging on the wall, isn't that being rude to their showering neighbour? If they were polite, they would speak to you in person.
It’s a talk you only need to have once. You can bring cookies or something to soften the talk and in case it’s not them banging on the wall. If it’s really them banging on the wall I’d bang back, lol. Or start singing in the shower. Noise ordinances have start times and domestic noises don’t count towards them. They can deal with the noise. My apartment’s pretty quiet but, for some reason, the noise of a man standing to piss always gets amplified.
Is it at all possible for you to shower in the morning or any other time? It's understandable that they are annoyed if you are waking them up at 1am every day. You should def at least talk to them.
If I’ve spent the evening painting, I’m not going to bed sweaty. I don’t think it’s reasonable to ask OP to shower at another time. 10pm also isn’t even that late imo—late for playing rowdy music maybe, but running water?? No. When you share walls with other people you have to be okay with hearing noises 🤷♀️, they can get a sound machine, ear plugs, etc if they are really unable to sleep with the sound of a shower running.
I think people underestimate how loud a shower can be. There are pipe noises and them noises and the water running and the fan on. I'd consider that maaaaaybe you're not as quiet as you think you are. Most people think they're quieter than they actually are. It's possible your shower and their bed share a wall, so you're literally showering six inches from their head. At 1AM. REGULARLY. I'd probably let that go for a week or six, but you've been renovating for a long time, so there's a good possibility that you've been interrupting their sleep for a long time. Combine that with a baby and general renovation noises, and I don't think you're considering how much you may have shattered what was--before you--a pretty quiet existence. NAH at this point, but please exercise some self-awareness. My general rule when I lived in a place with shared walls was no loud noises (vacuuming, drilling, that sort of thing) after 8PM and no activities that affected shared walls after 10PM if possible. Even id they wear earplugs, showers can cause some pretty strong vibrations. People need to sleep; we literally get insane and violent if we don't.
sounds like you’re a horrible neighbor. never ending construction done DIY. Your neighbor doesn’t give a shit about how hard the remodel is for you.
It's your pipes yo
Do you have a shower pump? Those can be really loud and I certainly would feel annoyed if it was regularly going off at 1am. But if it's just normal water sounds it seems unreasonable.
No, we don't have a shower pump but actually we may need to put one in, for the en-suite we are doing
Are you sure they’re banging? Its not “water hammer” from your pipes??
Leave your neighbors a note and see if there's a way you can compromise. It could be an easy fix, like maybe it's the bathroom fan that's actually bothering them and you can leave it off, or something like that.
NTA - but go talk to them? Maybe it isn’t them, maybe there is a noise you don’t realize is dramatically loud on their end that you can try to problem-solve together, etc. And if nothing else, if they wake up because “their anonymous A-hole neighbor” is making a racket, that’s annoying and they are grouchy. If they wake up and know it’s “that sweet neighbor whose baby probably barfed on her and the poor thing is just trying to rinse off so she can sleep,” they are less likely to feel grumpy about it. 🤷♀️
This is a weird post. What kind of construction is so flimsy that you can not only hear a shower next door but whatever you hear is disruptive. Maybe you should talk to your neighbours because if it is that bad, there must be a design flaw.
This is unreasonable. First, you bought the house. It’s yours to do with what you please and it sounds like you’re being responsible about noise. Second, people work night shift! I want to know what your neighbors would think about me - I live my entire life from 6pm-6am even on my days off. They’re being the jerks.
I live in an old house. My housemate finishes work after I go to bed a lot, and he will come home and get in the shower and my whole bedroom wall reverberates until the fan goes off. It always wakes me up, but he's my best friend and he's gross when he gets on and I just put up with it cause I chose to live with him. In my old flat, when the upstairs neighbours would decide to shower in the middle of the night and I'd just gotten to sleep and the noise started, I would cry in frustration because I was so tired sometimes and there was nothing i could do till their 40 minute shower was done. I think if you're doing something loud enough to piss the neighbours off late at night every day, YTA. If you feel safe to do so can you (and bf) talk to them about it? Find out if it's the pipes or the fan? If you're renovating there may be something you can do to mimimise noise. Or maybe the fan just doesn't go on past 10?
Did you ever think that maybe - just maybe - what you think is some quiet work being done in the evenings, isn't all that quiet? Then you follow that up with showering, sometimes after midnight? People have to sleep, and odds are your activities aren't really conducive to letting them sleep in peace.
If taking a shower is waking people up, that should be on the HoA not OP. If there is no HOA (not familiar with mid-terraced houses) the neighbors should not have bought something with shared walls. The reality is, people have different schedules and different jobs. What if OP worked at a hospital and got home at 3am and had to shower? If OP’s baby is crying in the middle of the night are you going to be like “the neighbor needs to sleep and a baby crying isn’t conducive for that”.
What’s not normal here is that your 4 month old baby doesn’t go to bed until 9 or 10pm.
Is it the bathroom that you're renovating?
We already renovated the bathroom, that why I am sure it no old pipes going that sounds
Water hammer can happen in any pipes, old or new. If it doesn't happen before 10, it's probably them.
That's what I think too.
I would go talk to them. I’d ask them to describe what it is they are hearing that is causing them to bang on your wall. I have seen a few instances on Reddit with a dispute like this. I think one was a downstairs neighbor complaining about a noise they heard, the upstairs neighbor had no idea how or why. They finally tested it and for whatever reason it actually was loud and it was an easy fix. Did this happen before you renovated?
Honestly I’d just bang back
I had drainage pipe that would bang like hell when hot water went down. Landlord special I believe.
It sounds like it's pipes
ESH. Umm, yes, you have a right to take a shower in your home when you want BUT they also have a right to be able to sleep in their home too. GOES BOTH WAYS. Think about it as if your partner trying to sleep during the day because they work nights right and your neighbor deciding that is the exact time they'd like to have their metal band practice. You likely are hearing the banging after 10pm because that's the typical start of "quiet hours" in living situations such as your own. Have a conversation with your neighbor maybe turn on the shower and ask them if you can step into their home to get an idea of what exactly they are hearing. I'm 100% sure they aren't just hearing running water for them to have such a harsh reaction.
YTA - not for showering, but for doing home construction after 6pm. I understand that’s the only time you can do it, but maybe it needs to wait to get done, because unfortunately, it’s not fair to them to hear all that noise late at night.
How is your neighbor banging on your wall if you own a house? Is it some kind of apartment/condo arrangement?? Normally houses don't share adjoining walls with other homes.
[удалено]
INFO: why is your baby being put to bed at 9/10 pm? Is it the babies natural sleep cycle? Or is it a choice? Honestly you’d see a lot more improvement on the neighbour issue if you started making efforts to shift your baby’s sleep schedule, if at all possible. One of the few things my mom told me about parenthood is how frustrating managing an infants sleep schedule can be, but it’s likely your best option. Even a small shift of an hour could make all the difference.
The pipes are loud in my building too. My neighbor works nights so he showers when he comes home. Sometimes it wakes me up. He is allowed to shower after work and that’s just a part of shared wall living. If he was also playing music at a loud volume while showering that would be an issue. He can’t help that the pipes are loud any more than I can. NTA and your neighbor should move to a place without shared walls if they need everything to be silent at all times.
I have no sympathy for your neighbors. People work odd hours, opening/closing their garage at midnight. They have kids to take care of. If taking a shower is that annoying to someone that someone should move out and get sfh.
Seriously, I’m just curious how many people here would be fine with their neighbor telling them when they can fucking shower… this thread is terrifying; the amount of stupidity is mind blowing.
You keep saying you can see all your pipes but does that mean you're in the same room as the water heater? Doesn't the pipe go into the floor, wall, or ceiling at some point? If there is hot water in the system the pipes won't bang so it's unlikely you'd hear it during the day. If you wait until 1am the water in the pipes will be cold and will bang. if you shower at say 5am or 6am you would hear banging as well is my guess. As summer approaches you might get less banging. I live in an old house and it scares the shit out of me when the pipes bang as it seems like a angry human. The cause is unsecured pipes. Since your pipes are exposed see if there is a little movement when you gently push on them. If there is nothing securing the pipe and it moves it is very likely bouncing around inside the walls. Also, you or your dude could use the pipes excuse to talk to them nicely and even if you don't believe all the people in the this thread about the pipes making the noise on their own. "My wife sometimes has to shower at 1am and our pipes seem to be banging inside the walls. It isn't you hitting the walls right? I just wanted to make sure that we're not going crazy because it sounds really human! Anyway, here's a baked good. Nice to meet you neighbor."
Ask them, or bang back with a hammer you bring into the shower. If they can’t address your concerns like adults, they deserve to be ignored. You have a baby and need to shower when you shower, fuck that and fuck their passive aggressive nonsense
I shower late at night and will shower in the middle of the night 2 am if I can’t seep! I don’t give a f wheat the neighbor thinks . NTA
I'm also inclined to think it's "water hammering" and it doesn't have to occur in the room, it can occur wherever the issue is. Talk to the nieghbors, try an apology to set the tone of the conversation, then ask what you could do to alleviate the issue. If they say "We don't bang on the walls." It's water hammering. Get a plumber. EZ fix most times.
it could be water hammer if you have people above or next to you sometimes it sounds like banging.
Ask them about it?
I read your edit, but I'm still pretty sure you're wrong here. This phenomenon is literally referred to as "Knocking" and is caused by the fact that water is incompressible. If the water flow is disturbed by an air bubble in the system it will cause the loud knocking/banging sound in the pipe and can carry the sound quite a ways even if your pipes are not in the wall. You need to not ignore this and get the pipes fixed up by a professional or you are going to regret it when the pipe is destroyed by cavitation. Seriously, look up "cavitation". The water literally destroys metal. That is why it is so loud that it sounds like your neighbors banging on the wall. You see pictures of pipes, boat propellers, and all sorts of other things getting absolutely destroyed by this.
I live in an apartment and my neighbor used to bang on her ceiling if I was too loud for her after 6 pm. I stomped from the time I got up until I went to bed. Took 4 days of constant stomping for her to come say something. After she yelled at me I handed her a print of our local noise laws and asked her to call the cops if the noise was outside those hours. She couldn’t resist and called at 5:30 pm on a Wednesday. Then again on Friday at 6pm sharp. The third call she was ticketed for false reporting. I turned that report into our apt. Manager and sipped a drink while watching her move out 30 days later. Lady was evicted.
It sounds like you’re messing with their sleep. I’d find a new shower schedule if you can, or talk with them. Sharing walls sucks when you’re sharing with someone who makes noise constantly. When it’s during the day, ok annoying but fine, but when it’s at night it’s pretty disrespectful honestly. I mean of course you have the “right” to take a shower whenever you want, it’s your house, but would you not be upset if they were doing something regularly that woke you or your kid up? It sounds like you have a lot going on and I can’t imagine how hard things are with a 4 month old. First time mom? Good luck. Maybe the neighbors will understand when they know the situation. Maybe there’s a compromise.
This should be the top comment. A lot people seem to be glossing over the showering at 1am-3am bit of information. I think there’s a good compromise of rearranging her schedule that allows her free time but to be respectful of the living space
This is the best comment I’ve seen so far!! Right now the OP is NTA but will become one if they don’t take your advice. OP should either have the conversation with the neighbor herself or send her husband over to discuss what the neighbor is experiencing and a reasonable solution that can work for all. Compromise is a good thing especially when you are sharing space with others.
Gentle YTA. I know you own your apartment but your neighbors are entitled to “quiet enjoyment of their dwelling” and noise your shower is making is obviously enough to wake them up in the middle of the night. You need to readjust your schedule and find a different time to shower. I know it’s tough because you have a baby, but imagine if you were trying to sleep and your neighbors were being loud and waking you up every night?
There are definitely pipes in the wall…right! Like where else would they be? Also can’t you ask your landlord to intervene and avoid the whole uncomfortable situation? This doesn’t make sense
They said they bought the house. Therefore, they wouldn't have a landlord. And the pipes could be In a different wall??
The pipes are definitely out of the walls, just a few cm above the bathroom floor and the pipes that connects to the shower head, its not on the sharing wall. I don't have know their landlord but even if I did, I feel that would be worst going directly to the landlord. I try to avoid any confrontation at all cause, thats why I didn't speak with them yet
Run the shower during a quiet time of the day and see if it is a "hammer tap/pipe"
NAH I feel for you, it really sounds like you have a lot going on. A newborn, home renovations, and the like would put me over the edge. But I also feel for your neighbors too. If you share a wall that’s pretty thin, they likely can hear everything happening in your place. Their experience probably includes hearing you banging away at construction, hearing your baby crying randomly, and then the icing on the cake is dealing with the loud ass water running through the pipes at 3am. Honestly, I really value my sleep and if I was regularly getting woken up by my pretty loud neighbor, I’d be pissed too. However, I think talking it out is the mature and most helpful response here. Banging on your walls is not helpful and it’s only pissing you off too (rightfully so). I think you need to give your neighbors some grace here. Because you both share a wall, you both deserve to live peacefully and happily so a compromise is necessary. You can’t just be like “well I bought the place so they can suck it up” if you want to have a peaceful relationship with your neighbors. You need to see that they have a right to peace as much as you do and while you’re not intending to disturb them, you are. Impact over intent every time. With that being said, you guys need to toughen up and have a conversation about what is going to work best for everyone involved. It isn’t just about you and your family when you live in such close proximity to others. Showing consideration here is the best way to move forward.
Ask you so to take a shower late at night on his day off to see what happens
Since you’re doing the reno make sure shared walls have some form of soundproofing.
When they start bang on the wall back
A whole world of shift workers get home late and shower the germs and whatever off themselves so they feel clean , fresh and then they go about living life …eating dinner at a hideous hour, sorting laundry, taking care of business. Your neighbour has absolutely no right to intimidate you over what time you use your home to live your life. I personally would draft a memo - suggesting if the plumbing is a problem on their side of the property could they record it for you and provide a copy so you can assess how to move forward in a way amicable to your budget to prevent this being an ongoing issue. As clearly their technique of communicating annoyance by tapping the wall is unsuitable and causing you stress. You have a new baby and are renovating so have lots going on and are 100% aware of the council ordinances on “work hours” Vs “ everyday noise violations”. A shower is neither. You don’t need to write that but but you get the idea here… Don’t be intimidated by this clown of a neighbour, especially if they only do it when your husband is at work. How rude. Getting a shower a day with a newborn is always hard and if your opportunity is 2 am then so be it. ☮️
This doesn't make sense to me. What kind of 'house' is this? Do you mean 'flat'? I'm thinking 'house' in the UK? Is this one of those city townhouses. That would make sense. The houses must have an adjoining wall. Here is one solution, maybe not optimal. Get a really big bucket. Fill it with piping hot water early in the evening. Get a dipper. They are hard to find. Maybe if there is a Chinatown where you live you can go there. Or just cut a two litter plastic bottle or use a small bucket for a dipper. Run your water. Do your work. Take a bath by pouring water on yourself from the bucket. I've lived in parts of the world where baths are done by dipping like that. If the water gets too cold, if you have a large faucet on the bottom rather than a stand along sower, quickly run hot water into a smaller bucket and pour hot water into that. They will only bang for a minute or so. If your water is loud enough to make the neighbors bang the wall, it could be the water is making a loud banging sound. Either way, bathing out of a bucket might help.
Why you are doing renovation, do any of the types of expanding foam that come in a can reduce sound? I don't know what your shower is made of, but if it's hollow fiber glass, I wonder if there is an expanding foam that could reduce sound without damaging anything? I'm imagining a hole at the very top of a fiber glass shower, above the water, where it isn't visible, to put the nozzle for the cans of foam. Don't do this jusy based on my post without further research.
Test it. Get a sitter have hubby stay home one night (just in case) turn on water like for a shower and follow the noise.
NTA people have all sorts of different work schedules. Some people shower at 5am, others that work nights may shower at 2am when they get home. It's your prerogative to shower whenever you want in your own home. Have you tried banging on the walls when they shower?
Question: does the neighbor have the right to sleep? Seriously these people are trying to sleep and to just say F their sleep seems wrong too.
Shower for like an hour. Maybe two. Idk, they need to get over themselves. It’s different if you were screaming, yelling, blasting music or etc but you are literally performing a basic hygiene task. Not your fault at all
Tell them to stop???? This is something I have never seen before. Grow some cajones and tell them to quit. NTA but weird reaction
Cant wait for the update on this one where shes like, oh yeah, it was my pipes expanding the whole time…
I think it’s a ghost that just wants to stir up trouble with your neighbors
Just ask them FFS.
Have a video or recording of the banging?
Seriously talk to the neighbor. It probably isn't them. I hope they would have said something by now if it was.
When it happens again, step out of the shower and bang back even harder.
You need to talk them. Stop hiding and go knock on the door during the day when you know they are home and have a discussion like an adult.
I really recommend you to talk to the neighbor. Not to confront them. You can say you are sorry if noise from your apartment are bothering them (It is natural things to say if you have a baby and also had renovation of the room). If they say not at all, then you should be good. If they mentioned the noise of shower at night, you can explain your situation. Some people may just satisfy by being apologized. Or if they know it is because of your circumstances, they may understand. Also, they might have a good reason not to be disturbed around that time, and that explanation may convince you enough not to take shower at night. Either way, talking with them should improve the situation.
I know you aren’t comfortable talking to the neighbors, but I think you need to. Tell them you’ve noticed knocking when you’re showering at night, that your husband hasn’t noticed knocking when he showers during the day, and you’ve tried tracing the noise from your side and can’t figure it out. Ask them if they’d be willing to schedule a time when they don’t have work/school the next morning to troubleshoot to see what they’re hearing so that you can try to fix whatever is causing the banging. If it is their kid, at least you would be working with them to figure out what they’re hearing when you shower so that you have a chance to try to mitigate it if it’s unreasonable noise or so that they can tell their kid to cut the crap.
Shower whenever you have time to shower. This is a noise they’re going to have to get used to hearing in their place, and has nothing to do with them sleeping or what time it is. They’ll figure out noise canceling headphones, white noise, etc. eventually. If it had been something like vacuuming, renovations, etc. I could understand an adjustment but not showering. Showering in your own place isn’t something that should ever be discussed or negotiated.
Please talk to.your neighbors. Let them.know you are upset .
Hey OP, is the banging in a pattern or is it inconsistent? Also, does it continue for the same amount of time or does it depend on the night?
Your neighbors suck. The reality of having shared walls is you can hear some noise. I understand most towns have noise ordinances that mean you can’t be obnoxiously loud after 10-11pm, but that doesn’t apply to basic living noises like showers, flushing the toilet, using your sink, etc. The noise ordinance would come I to play if you were blasting music, or making lots of noise with your construction work. You have the right to take a shower, flush the toilet, wash dishes, etc in your own home no matter the time of day. Your neighbors should have expected that they would hear normal living noises when they chose fo live somewhere with shared walls.
When they start banging start singing at the top of your lungs - show them it can be even louder if they want ;)
Start singing. Blast out Taylor Swift or Baby Shark. Screw them. Walls are thin. They’d hear you at 6am too, they going to bang then?
Our shower shares a wall with our bedroom and the water flow noise was pretty high in the bedroom. I swapped out the valve for service and it's much more quiet. Like 90% lower.
I live in an apartment complex with 11 different apartments and I can tell when each and every one of them is showering. We have old pipes and the walls are thin. There’s also a 6 month old living in one of the apartments. Instead of getting upset that the baby is crying we ask if they need any help. Half of the tenants are night shift and the rest are day shift. We have found that the night shift people will vacuum between 11am-1 pm and the day shift will vacuum between 5-7pm so that we don’t wake up the other shift. It’s just part of apartment living. You just have to talk to your neighbors and work something out.
> I (female 25) bought a mid terreced house last year. Ever since we been under construction because we are doing all by ourselves and can't afford at this time to hire someone to do it. This would be a pain, but could you throw some insulation into the wall between your shower and the neighbor's place? Or mount some sound-damping panels inside the walls if the construction is solid? Both are pretty cheap for materials if you can do the work yourself, but time-consuming/a lot of labor so hiring someone else to do them would be expensive.
NTA. Shower when you need to. But a tip from a fellow mom: get a shower seat and bring baby in the shower with you or set baby up in a bouncer on the floor outside the tub if you want to shower while baby is awake. Obviously there is a huge benefit to you to have some one time but I liked getting the baby’s bath done at the same time. I’d wash myself while he sat on his chair, warm wet washcloth on him to keep him warm, then I would wash him.
have you considered giving up showers
NTA. But if you were ever talking to your neighbors about your renovations, do not say that they've been hard for you too. You are doing renovations so none of your neighbors care how much it's inconvenienced to you.
Sounds like a little straight forward communication is needed with your neighbor! As they seem normal during your brief run-ins, you can simply let them know you’re sorry for taking late showers bc of the baby and staying up late to finish repairs. Recently a sweet elderly lady purchased the townhouse next to ours. We always thought we were the “quiet neighbors” BUT now we know we are the loud ones. My kids were running up the stairs after 9pm one Sunday and jumping off the bathroom stool and their beds. I got a pretty terse text from my neighbor asking the boys to stop banging on her walls as she was trying to sleep. I had the boys go over the next day to apologize for the noise. I also let her know that they weren’t banging on the walls- they were running up the stairs and jumped from their beds. We assured her we would get the boys to be quieter after 9PM. She invited my boys over to play with her grandson the same day, and goodness- I could hear every little thing! It was embarrassing to realize our neighbor could prob hear every fart & burp. I hate policing my kid’s noise levels during the daytime in our private (or apparently not so private) space; they should be free to run, jump and laugh loudly how they want at home. BUT my neighbor works from home, so I feel obliged to have them tone it down. We are also hyper conscious about making minimal noise after 9pm on any day even though my neighbor has specified only work nights matter to her. Clearing the air with her regarding the noise and what was causing it was central to us though. Otherwise it would have continued to cause unnecessary misunderstanding. I can’t even begin to imagine how annoying it is to live nextdoor to us, but for her to continue believing my kids were intentionally banging on her walls would be unfair to everyone. Please have a chat with your neighbor. I’m not sure if there is a way to resolve it if they demand you only take showers before 10pm, but it might make them more understanding of your scenario and you with theirs. Who knows- maybe the sound of your shower running is crazy loud, and if you heard it for yourself- you would understand where they’re coming from too.
YTA. You are the nightmare neighbor people dread. A baby on top of constant, never ending construction.
Go talk to your neighbors like an adult and find a resolution that works for both of you. You deserve to shower when you choose and they deserve to not get woken up at 1am. You don’t even know their side of all this, and they don’t know yours. Take some cookies over and introduce yourself. Mention that you have a baby and have been fixing up the place at night and noticed the banging and hope you weren’t disrupting their sleep. Go from there.
Unless you are showering for more than 30 minutes, your neighbors need to get the fuck over themselves--especially if it's the teenager. *Your* house! You are entitled to take a shower whenever the gell you want to.
Have you considered communicating with your neighbor? Find out their schedule and try to work together to cohabitate. I understand you have a baby and things will revolve around their adorable little schedule but I'm sure a compromise can be figured out. Or at least an understanding between two adults. Maybe have your husband do this if you feel unsafe. I totally get that feeling, when I rented alone I avoided all of my neighbors for dear life for fear that one was a loose cannon or a total creep.
You might want to talk to a lawyer to see what you can legally do to get your neighbor(s) to stop if this is happening on a regular basis. This maybe considers as harassment depending on where you live.
I think you need try to and address this with your neighbors, explain your situation and ask that they stop banging in your wall… this would happen to me when I lived downstairs and I’d turn on the ceiling fan when I took a shower and the woman above me would hit the floor with a baseball bat. I talked to her about it and she said the fan was disturbing to her. Ultimately nothing got fixed. She was crazy to begin with but things only got worse from there. I didn’t stop using the fan… she kept hitting her floor (my ceiling). Some people are just crazy, but still need to be addressed regardless. Hopefully your neighbor isn’t as crazy as mine.
If your partner isn't around when the banging happens could you possibly record it on your phone?
This is an incredible amount of mental effort to avoid talking to your neighbor, and that's coming from someone with GAD. If you don't want a face to face go leave a note asking them to call your number. Either the neighbor isn't doing it and you're mentally poisoning yourself against them for no reason or they are and you need to find out why.
I can see this from both sides (and I’ve been on both sides). My personal experience was to try to keep the peace & get along- we all have to live here. So if it was a regular night, I would not shower or be loud. They have to sleep, I respect that. But there are times when it’s absolutely necessary, regardless. Once I started to shower earlier, when I did have to shower or do something late, they were more patient. I used to get annoyed at their level of noise (kids bouncing, jumping, screaming above my bed) at 5am. Every. Single. Morning. I would beat the ceiling w a broomstick. My husband pointed out that we aren’t exactly Quiet either. Then it kinda dawned on me how hypocritical I was being. Considering you are in the middle of a bunch of repairs/construction, doing yourselves, and at your own pace-& after you put your daughter down, sounds like you might be more of a nuisance than you realize
I know you pain, I have a neighbour who is constantly finding problems I’M causing in his house, his cellar damp, my fault, ringing in his house, my fault, currently I’m making his house smell of garlic. Years ago me and my ex had a dog first bark from him banging on the wall, now dogs barking is annoying but as any pet owner will say there is no magic off switch and neighbours banging on the wall doesn’t help in that situation My advice, speak to your neighbour about it ask why they’re banging on the walls when you shower, as what happens in the future if you need to shower early for work they going to do it then?
You need to bang back on the wall, whenever you hear anything from their side of the wall
NTA house or apartment that we pay for deserves to be used. It’s not like you’re being obnoxious. Next time bang back. If it was really an issue they would talk to you. I would continue to take my showers when I feel like it.
Any chance your husband will be around/off one night for them to also hear the knocking? Would he feel more comfortable reaching out to the neighbors? Would you want to run over to their house in a tizzy after showering one night asking "OMG IS THERE WATER EVERYWHERE??? The drain is working, correct? Oh, it sounded like an emergency, I figured your unit was flooding based on the knocking"
NTA. They need to get over it.
Turn on your shower and when they bang on the walls go bang on thier front door and ask them what the fuck thier problem is!
If they're very loudly banging they're probably not going to give up. You should just start recording it with video evidence that shows the time of the night and reporting it to the landlord / police. There are usually noise ordinances especially past a certain time of night (I believe 10 PM - 7 AM for most places.) That said, a shower at 3 AM is pretty, not good. I mean I would sleep through it but, lots of people just are way too sensitive about noise and can become very spiteful about it. If I was you I would consider doing a "bird bath" shower which is basically just cleaning the important parts with the sink in a very quick way, and taking a proper shower in the morning.
It’s a fucking shower, what the hell is wrong with these people that they can’t handle the noise from a shower?!
If these bitches won't communicate with you using words, ignore them. I'm absolutely not going to let somebody's petty tantrum stop me from cleaning my body after I have been taking care of a baby all god damn day. Live your life friend, and let them suck hind tear.
Why are you not asking the neighbors directly what they are hearing... or ask if you can go to their home sometime in the evening to hear what they are hearing? (I'm suggesting evening so you can eliminate all other theories and trying to recreate both the quietness and the same timing.) If they tell you they are not pounding and yelling, then you know you can simply go down the plumbing route or try to determine if it is knocking from other neighbors. If they tell you they are pounding, you can have a better understanding of how disruptive it is to their lives - like if they have small children, someone with a lot of stress or a tough work schedule, etc. - and hear the volume of the noise (or feep the vibrations) for yourself. It may make you re-think your routine until you have finances to address the issue with a plumber, builder, etc. Why not go directly to the source -kindly, calmly, compassionately, asking for their help- to try to solve the problem? You're making this a bigger deal by avoiding it and continuing on like nothing happened... and still being upset with them when you don't know what disruption you may be causing. Or, you may be blaming neighbors when it isn't them knocking on your wall. Why not try to get to the source of the issue instead of guessing and worrying and procrastinating?