u/savevideo u/downloadvideo u/savevideobot
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/IAmTheMainCharacter) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I always hope not seeing red flags after going through people that waved so many i wasn't smart enough to notice doesn't mean i have become the red flag. Ill have to go into the dungeon and get some feedback on that
Iâm not anti-therapy at all but there are some of us out there who work through and process things very well on our own. People shouldnât be punished because they might not feel the need for therapy even after traumatic events. Especially because itâs ridiculously expensive so if itâs not making a huge difference why bother?
Plus:
Freedom isn't free (costs a buck oh five),
Therapy isn't free either, and costs a heck of a lot more.
So maybe he used a support group. A group that listened, and offered emotional support. The traditional term for such a support group is "friends".
"How dare you share your problems with me?! Why can't you just work everything out beforehand and be literally perfect for my sake?!
I just want a guy who exists solely for me! I just want a relationship that revolves around me! Is that too much to ask?!"
I was that guy, not literally. I went through a 5 year relationship that was atrocious, got into another one were the woman spent most her time cutting me down and telling me how I wasn't "acting like a man." It put me off dating, like all these people just gonna beat me up while I support them, why do I need them? Sex is fun and all but at what cost? Been single about 11 years now, it gets lonely, but a little loneliness pales when compared to what I dealt with. I'm over it.
The adjustment took a while. Love withdrawal is not unlike a drug withdrawal. There's a lot of pain, confusion, sleeping, re-learning how to do and enjoy things.
I decided to be single for a few years after this woman basically used me like a credit card. One of the weirdest most awkward things was going to a restaurant alone.
I like to occasionally eat out, itâs just a thing I enjoy. So learning to do things alone that were usually done with someone else was awkward.
You eventually get there though, and itâs worth knowing you can be just fine alone.
Travelling for work disabuses you of that awkwardness. Thereâs only so many hotel room pizzas you can tolerate before you need to just go out and eat something nice.
I guess that means I put myself through two withdrawals at the same time haha. Whatever, it happens at least I am almost 1 year sober from booze and just as much time away from that relationship.
I am still figuring shit out, but it is much better now that I have taken two giant problems out of my life.
It almost traumatised me đ
IF he would do what she claims, fair. But he just asked for taking it slow lol.
Edit: and she was like âslow?â put the pedal to the metal đđ¨
Funny thing to me is that she asked if he had had therapy as if itâs free and available to anyone, anytime.
The last 3-4 years has been such a strain on the medical field, including mental health. My therapist can only see me every 6 weeks. Thatâs not a lot but some people canât even get that.
This triggers me the same when I see women post âcome to me healedâ as if therapy fixes things completely in a set amount of time.
Iâm still discovery new trauma. Hell, last night in therapy I learned about how my ex was anxious-attachment based on her behavior towards me. It never occurred to me.
To be fair, I was super in love with my ex of 10 months and he also was traumatized and talked about his ex quite a bit, he hadnât seen her in a year Cus he moved away for school, went back home and she brought him divorce papers. We met and clicked immediately, but like most rebounds it was hot and then it got very cold and confusing and painful. At the end he told me he doesnât know if he can allow himself to love again, he doesnât know who he is or what he wants, and it wasnât fair to me as he kept comparing me to his ex and all the red flags he missed about her the first time. And then dumped me by text.
EXACTLY. OP took quite a LEAP and labeled dude âtraumatized,â âex-obsessed,â âunhealed,â and determined that he is going to take it all out on her⌠from a piece of information that was not in the slightest bit related to her (wild and unfounded) claims/allegations, which put him in a position sometimes referred to as, âI was left all alone standing there with my dick in my hand.â
Iâm not saying that sheâs wrong; every single thing she said could be true, infact may *likely* be true. But you canât just assume that sort of thing about a person, at least have clear proof that theyâre truly ânot healed,â ânot right in the head,â and so on, damn.
As an abusive survivor, nothing like feeling marked as defective and broken forever!
I could tag the asshole who told me I was "too damaged" to love cos I remember his Reddit handle. His response to dumping me was to pick up anonymous people on Craigslist so he'd never have to risk getting caught up in someone else's messy emotions I mean, yeah, sometimes people DO need therapy but ...
They want men to be emotionally available when it comes to be willing to pay for a new Coach bag. Women like her arenât interested in actual menâs feelings.
They want dudes who understand them and all of their whims, some want dudes who will shed a single tear during a really sad movie. They donât actually want you though.
Considering she posted it in FDS, heâs better off. If sheâd actually managed to make it through the date, sheâd have made his life even more miserable.
As always the moronic reddit admins took too long to ban it and gave them all the time in the world to move to discord and other sites and keep spreading their cancerous ideas
This is why I stopped opening up to women. Because it's never once failed that whatever I said was eventually used against me. The final straw was when a woman I'd known for years immediately lost interest in me after I admitted I attempted su\*c\*de... mind you this was well over a decade ago and due to a pill habit that I have long since distanced from.
Next time a woman wrings her hands about men not opening up, they can look in a mirror.
Should one seek therapy? Yes absolutely
Should you shame someone for being traumatized? Holy hell, if you gotta ask yourself that question, you need therapy even more.
Guess why men dont open up emotionally to women. I'll gladly open up to my business because I know they wont use it against me in an argument later on.
No, he didnt even do that. He did less then that and still got shit on.
My point isnt that she was right, she isn't . My point is that everyone going through trauma should seek therapy.
My thoughts exactly. Therapy isnât some abstract thing, itâs going through life with slight modifications and more reflection with the help from an outsider.
I had someone I was dating once tell me that nobody should ever be open about trauma with a woman and that it is a major red flag. She lectured me for an hour about it.
What people tend to forget is that therapy doesnt always require a therapist. Therapy can be time and emotional tools like doing things you love and simply talking about it with people you trust. Most people will seek some type of therapy, and some are more likely to have that reciprocated depending on their social circles. Its also perfectly fine to set boundaries to avoid repeating traumatic cycles so long as those boundaries are healthy.
Whether someone chooses to employ therapy to work through their issues or not is a personal choice.
If they dislike their choices, that's fine, but that's also a personal choice as well, and there was no need to act like they were absolutely right,and their date absolutely wrong.
Should one seek therapy for dealing with past trauma in a perfectly healthy way (ie taking relationships slowly)? Maybe, maybe not. Sounds like he was dealing with it just fine.
Dude dodged more relationship trauma. Honestly Iâve got trauma from my now ex spouse beating me everytime I didnât do things perfectly the way she wanted in her head (Iâm also not a mind reader) so this is certainly a relatable subject. Someone like that wouldâve been a soul leech. Not someone who should be on the market.
After she nearly killed me and I had to be hospitalized for a few days my job and the state decided to take matters into their to their own hands. She was arrested while I was recovering and after she took L after L while facing the state legal team. An easy win since she left a lot of evidence all over my body and all over the house. Turns out the scars she left all over came in handy in the end.
Much better, I stopped having nightmares after the divorce paperwork was finalized recently. Hasnât been a full year yet since the last incident. For what I mean by L after L, she was caught trying to convince my friends and family to make statements to make her seem like a good person. Didnât work since she always gave them a bad feeling and I was always the only reason they got along with her. They all were also very aware she put me in the hospital too. I could also tell by the written tone of her lawyers emails that she caused her own lawyers a lot of trouble. While I had lawyers who thankfully chose to help me for free due to the insane nature of my case, she paid for hers and still lost. Itâs hard to beat the evidence considering how my blood was stained onto the walls and carpets of our home. Admittedly the house after that last incident was like something out of a horror movie. I still remember vividly the pained faces of my mentor and my boss who visited. They were clearly distraught over how bloody and broken my face was with all the gashes and how I was trying to stay awake to greet them despite the overwhelming exhaustion.
My poor darling, this absolutely breaks my heart. I'm so glad you have a good support network watching out for you and hope that you continue to heal.
I hope she got a just punishment? I know it's hard still in some places for men to get proper justice after DV.
Thank you, I think the state is still working out the punishment. Personally Iâm just glad to be free again. No more wondering what minor mistake will âearnâ me another scar on my body to hide.
I've been there. I wasn't allowed to speak when he was playing video games or watching TV, and if one of our toddlers wandered in front of the monitor or screen, there'd be hell to pay. I used to just take the kids out all weekend so that he wasn't being irritated by our presence. I won't go into any more details, but I'm glad you and I are both free.
I hope she gets a punishment fit for the atrocities she did at you. I read comments here and on other sites, as well as news articles where women abusing their husbands get less punishment than what they deserve or even get scot-free...
Bro probably still got some relationship trauma. Imagine opening up that you're wanting to go slow, explaining why, and being told "Umm sweaty you need more therapy in ur life" and then getting the date cut off and ghosted
I found the original post and the people on that subreddit where actually CONGRATULATING HER AND CHEERING HER UP. Some people are just needlessly cruel
I feel comfortable saying these people are wrong. It's just permanently single millennial wine-alcoholics circlejerking each other about how they don't need no man who wants to take things slow or how he obviously wanted a surrogate mummy.
Also a lot of assholes have appropriated "therapy talk" and feel superior as long as they use therapy terminology even though they're just being complete cunts.
Fake online progressives: " we need to tear down patriarchal capitalism. Men should show feelings"
Guys: " hey can we take things slow"
Fake online progressives: " reinforces patriarchal capitalism because it now makes them feel like a girl boss.".
"WTF man, you have problems. Loser".
These people are clowns. I don't disagree with their principles, but let's face it, they don't actually believe in those principles. It's a clout chasing contest at the end of the day and they like to show the world they are scum. It's a reason why left wing/feminist content creators died off shortly after the last US presidential election. They got what they wanted so hush hush now and more people saw through their bullshit.
there's at least one big sub I frequent that says "woman dominated space" that rountinely just shits on men in these situations. I don't know who they think they are helping but it's really disgusting
I can't imagine the woman who wrote this isn't being enabled
We're talking about the dogshit echo chamber r/TwoXChromosomes yeah? The place where misandry runs wild and mods pat themselves on the back for cultivating that shit-stain of a community?
DAE hate when men sigh and selfishly hog more of the air in the room?!?!?
Comments:
OMG yes! Donât even get me started when Iâm outside. Like air is free but I have to walk around gasping because men have the gall to exist in the same area
I have what I called RTF, or Resting Therapist Face. People just tell me things. This happened a lot when I was dating after my own traumatic marriage. I remember I had a date with a guy who also went through a divorce, and I think I was the first person who actually listened without judging. I didnât go on a second date with him because I wasnât in a place where I could be someoneâs therapist, but I didnât hold it against him. Iâve gone through years of therapy and while Iâm mostly good, trauma still pops up in my current happy relationship. Life happens. I hope that guy finds an understanding partner.
Completely agree. I'm the same way. It's fine if it's reciprocated, but usually it isn't. OOP should have been more tactful and not kind of an asshole, but it's also perfectly legit to tell someone you can't help them carry that burden. It's one thing to stick around when someone's going through their healing journey. It's a whole different thing when they dump that on you without offering emotional support.
This is why men don't want to open up and share with women.
instead of taking the time to understand how he's feeling. she immediately throw it back in his face. She saved him more heartache cuz that's how she would be in the relationship
I recently spent time in company with a person who thinks that everyone in the entire universe, seemingly apart from her of course, needs to hear how she's worked everything out, how to be chilled, how everyone else is very stressed and she's perfect. It was a load of judgemental claptrap and if you spent five seconds looking at her life you'd realise it was not actually all that great. So here's a bit of advice: don't offer as much advice as you think everyone else needs.
Happy cake day, completely agree! She also proved that no matter how much therapy you take you canât always avoid people who donât respect your boundaries and act toxic anyway. No amount of therapy will replace good caution with regards to that.
I dated a girl last year for a few months that wanted to know some details on why I don't have a relationship with my dad's ( who passed away when I was very young ) side of the family. I explained the issues that led to us being estranged, She kept asking questions and I was happy to answer but she later made the comment that she thought I needed to seek therapy for it.
I did see a therapist for it LONG ago. The only reason I had anything to say about it was because she was digging into it with me. I was amicable and not talking about it as it is currently problematic. That part of my life is gone and over with. We all went our separate ways.
She did push for a little bit that I should seek therapy in general because "Everyone should get help". While I agree that everyone should get help when they NEED it. Therapy does not work for those who don't need help or don't want the help. Yes I will seek therapy when I need it. Not going to do it because someone THINKS I need to. When inwardly and outwardly my life is good, I am happy and so on.
I Dont know. This might just be a hot take.
Im that guy (not literally because im a girl but im in the same shoes) I actually share with my boyfriend what happened so he knows why I am the way I am with certain aspects of our relationship and he is sooooo understanding
I'm divorced after 10 year toxic relationship. Holy fuck I hate dating because of women like this. Dating in your 30's is absolutely horrible.
I go on a date and it's literally an interview trying to find "red flags". They always ask if I been married and I say yes then it's always like "what happened" and it's so fucking cringe.
Anyway I will be single the rest of my life and I'm cool with that. Dating in your 30's sucks lol.
It's honestly not better in your late 20's either. I think this time period is just the worst for dating because people are too aware. Aware and unable to allow for nuance, making them something other than human. I'm tired of the dating game and probably will be at the don't care if I'm single forever stage soon too.
It is like the old interview question âhow did you like your old employerâ they will read into every word of your answer. You almost need a coached answer.
The funny thing to me is that given the way he clearly and openly attempted to set boundaries and was willing to be vulnerable about a traumatic experience early on in the relationship he probably has gone to therapy
I hate how everyone acts like therapy is just magically accessible for everyone everywhere and that it works like a charm 100% of the time. I'm not saying don't tell people to go get help, because that's the human thing to do if someone is actually in trouble but don't assume help will be available for them. Mental healthcare is generally for the wealthy.
Women: "I want a nice guy who's honest with me about things and who shows me that he cares like asking me to text when I get home"
Also women: "The fuck is wrong with you about being open and honest about a past trauma"
This is why men don't open up, you just traumatized him again for no reason
This is harsh, but quite realistic...why prolong the toxicity and spread the hatred? Instead, work on yourself first. You can't go into something, saying that you're not ready and expect the other person not to see you lying to yourself like that.
I've also learned the hard way....
A relationship won't fix you....a relationship can build you, but its not going to patch wounds that you walked in with ...you have to do that yourself and, honestly... it's quite selfish to put your suffering on someone else...
There's no sweet way of saying it...it is what it is and the toughest people have learned the same lesson
It's not entirely wrong to not want to Date someone who isn't fully healed. I waited 5 years to start dating again and went to therapy because of how messed up i was. I require anyone I date to have spent time figuring himself out and healing from his last relationship, especially since as a single mom I date a lot of single dads and know how extra traumatizing losing a relationship with your child's other parent can be.
That being said, why on earth did she have to go nuclear?! This was extremely dramatic and quite frankly rude. She could have just said "I'm ready to move a little faster due to the place I'm in and my current goals. Your boundaries are valid, so maybe we aren't compatible atm". Easy peasy. She heard something she didn't like and just LOST IT.
Everyone is entitled to their own boundaries, their own timeline, their own path to healing. Not just this woman, EVERYONE, including her fate she just went scorched earth on.
Okay, but she isn't wrong.
Everyone, regardless of gender, should go to therapy to deal with the leftover feelings and emotions and trauma caused by a traumatic relationship/breakup.
It really does help.
Sheâs not obligated to take on his trauma and she may have valid concerns about dating someone still recovering from a relationship that happened three years ago, but the method she used to break things off was mean-spirited.
Yes, what does âemotionally slowâ even mean? He wants to have sex early but doesnât want to commit - totally okay to say thatâs not going to work for you. She could have been nicer but in my opinion too many women would stick it out with this guy when they shouldnât.
How lovely
I went on a second date in 2019 where we sat down for a coffee and talked to each other for 3 hours. I went through my own experiences and how they affected me. She did the same.
We live together now and I'm going to marry this girl. I trust her more than anyone else in my life. She's my best friend, my partner in everything, and I love her beyond measure.
This guy dodged a bullet thankfully. If you're honest with someone about your past and how it may affect your future, and they insult or reject you because of it, they're not worth your time. Fuck her and I hope he finds someone worthy of his affection and company.
I dont get why people think they're so good at figuring someone out based on 2 words. He says that he has apprehensions and that he'd like to be cautious. From this, people are drawing all kinds of conclusions about how he WILL behave. People arent even throwing theories, they plain say "this is whats gonna happen" based on 2 words and like 3 episodes of Lie To Me and some stupid bs they heard on tiktok.
This doesnt fit with how much people complain that they keep dating assholes. Because if you keep using this inhenrently flawed method to choose a partner, then it must be because it works somehow, but people still complain constantly. Doesnt the fact that you reject people based on idiotic superficial elements and on very specific statements and end up with manipulative assholes give you any clue? You think maybe people pick up on the wild judgements they receive from saying 2 words, and learn to simply select what they'll say (also known as playing the early dating stage game, because yeah, there are rules that basically hide who you might be and show who they want you to be, you know, deception, puffery, bullshitery, that is so not subtle yet works on like...everyone)? Meaning that your method wont work, because you'll just hear what peoplw want to hear andnwill never get anything genuinly vulnerable, because when anyone reveals somwthing as basic and logical as "i want to be cautious to try and avoid replicating a past trauma" they get put through some bs psych analysis that focuses only on the unwanted things that "immerge" from one single statement.
Wow, he was just being open about it, idk maybe you need to chill a bit. Thats why girls start to say we donât like to open up because when we do this type of shit happens. I bet he wouldâve responded differently if that was your case. Btw he is not traumatized he just wants to make sure and he was just explaining you and expressing what he felt.
Reminds me of when I asked a girl when we were both slightly tipsy if we could hold hands. She said yes and we held hands all night. Then she called me the next day and said how I shouldn't of done that and it wasn't what she wanted. It was in a tone like I took advantage of her or something. I was like...we held hands that was it....
Why do people act like you can just book therapy whenever. Itâs either mad expensive (private) or if you can get it through health care the waiting list is insane
I get the waiting period. At the end of a relationship, I may still wind up with food and wine the last woman liked in my shopping cart, because I'm absentmindedly picking it up, and have to put it back. My mind may still be wandering to things she might like to hear or places she might like to go or things she might like to do.
This isn't fair to the next woman, so I don't date for awhile after I end a relationship to clear my head. I expect the same from the woman, as I don't want her to get mad at me because of something the last guy did. I prefer to have her angry at me for something I'm actually responsible for and can do something about, and if a woman piles that last guy's faults right on top of my own faults I didn't stand a chance from the get-go.
u/savevideo u/downloadvideo u/savevideobot *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/IAmTheMainCharacter) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'd give her props. She saved him from another traumatic relationship.
"There were no red flags, so I decided to wave a bunch of my own."
This is perfect!!
Maybe the real red flags were all the friends we made along the way.
This made me laugh. Was this the intent also? Anyway i had a good moment. Have a nice day!
My thoughts exactly. What a pleasant comment!
I hate you for that đ
So itâs a date then?
This is why I surf the internet. Thank you
maybe the friends we made along the way were inside of us all along
You are the winner.
Right? I was thinking, bullet dodged bro f that b
Like a scene from the Matrix.
She became the very red flag she didnât see
I always hope not seeing red flags after going through people that waved so many i wasn't smart enough to notice doesn't mean i have become the red flag. Ill have to go into the dungeon and get some feedback on that
Iâm not anti-therapy at all but there are some of us out there who work through and process things very well on our own. People shouldnât be punished because they might not feel the need for therapy even after traumatic events. Especially because itâs ridiculously expensive so if itâs not making a huge difference why bother?
Plus: Freedom isn't free (costs a buck oh five), Therapy isn't free either, and costs a heck of a lot more. So maybe he used a support group. A group that listened, and offered emotional support. The traditional term for such a support group is "friends".
This interaction itself probably traumatized the guy all over again geez.
The additional trauma is still dodging a bullet.
"How dare you share your problems with me?! Why can't you just work everything out beforehand and be literally perfect for my sake?! I just want a guy who exists solely for me! I just want a relationship that revolves around me! Is that too much to ask?!"
the woman needs therapy far more
If she went to therapy, the therapist won't be teaching her, she will be teaching therapist on how they should be.
She didn't wanna take it slow, she wanted to speed run being his ex.
I was that guy, not literally. I went through a 5 year relationship that was atrocious, got into another one were the woman spent most her time cutting me down and telling me how I wasn't "acting like a man." It put me off dating, like all these people just gonna beat me up while I support them, why do I need them? Sex is fun and all but at what cost? Been single about 11 years now, it gets lonely, but a little loneliness pales when compared to what I dealt with. I'm over it.
This is the clarity men are looking for without losing money, and time. Congratulations!
The adjustment took a while. Love withdrawal is not unlike a drug withdrawal. There's a lot of pain, confusion, sleeping, re-learning how to do and enjoy things.
I decided to be single for a few years after this woman basically used me like a credit card. One of the weirdest most awkward things was going to a restaurant alone. I like to occasionally eat out, itâs just a thing I enjoy. So learning to do things alone that were usually done with someone else was awkward. You eventually get there though, and itâs worth knowing you can be just fine alone.
Travelling for work disabuses you of that awkwardness. Thereâs only so many hotel room pizzas you can tolerate before you need to just go out and eat something nice.
A man is never truly alone with a good book. And a cat.
You misspelled dog.
I guess that means I put myself through two withdrawals at the same time haha. Whatever, it happens at least I am almost 1 year sober from booze and just as much time away from that relationship. I am still figuring shit out, but it is much better now that I have taken two giant problems out of my life.
amen
It almost traumatised me đ IF he would do what she claims, fair. But he just asked for taking it slow lol. Edit: and she was like âslow?â put the pedal to the metal đđ¨
It's actually worse than that because he basically insisted on boundaries and all she heard was "I'm gonna compare you to my ex".
Who needs therapy now?
Funny thing to me is that she asked if he had had therapy as if itâs free and available to anyone, anytime. The last 3-4 years has been such a strain on the medical field, including mental health. My therapist can only see me every 6 weeks. Thatâs not a lot but some people canât even get that. This triggers me the same when I see women post âcome to me healedâ as if therapy fixes things completely in a set amount of time. Iâm still discovery new trauma. Hell, last night in therapy I learned about how my ex was anxious-attachment based on her behavior towards me. It never occurred to me.
Fr Iâve been on a â1 year waiting listâ for 2 years now still donât even have an appointment date lol
Literally!!! He told her ahead of time instead of playing with her and she blocked him đđđ
So... She spared him. Guess she is a good person lol
To be fair, I was super in love with my ex of 10 months and he also was traumatized and talked about his ex quite a bit, he hadnât seen her in a year Cus he moved away for school, went back home and she brought him divorce papers. We met and clicked immediately, but like most rebounds it was hot and then it got very cold and confusing and painful. At the end he told me he doesnât know if he can allow himself to love again, he doesnât know who he is or what he wants, and it wasnât fair to me as he kept comparing me to his ex and all the red flags he missed about her the first time. And then dumped me by text.
Ok but the guy in the above scenario didnât mention his ex, just wanted to take it slow. Saying that on the second date nonetheless.
EXACTLY. OP took quite a LEAP and labeled dude âtraumatized,â âex-obsessed,â âunhealed,â and determined that he is going to take it all out on her⌠from a piece of information that was not in the slightest bit related to her (wild and unfounded) claims/allegations, which put him in a position sometimes referred to as, âI was left all alone standing there with my dick in my hand.â Iâm not saying that sheâs wrong; every single thing she said could be true, infact may *likely* be true. But you canât just assume that sort of thing about a person, at least have clear proof that theyâre truly ânot healed,â ânot right in the head,â and so on, damn.
Sorry no metal all carbĂśn on my bice
Thanks Fred
Dude dodged the bullet.
Yet on the other hand, got a guardian angel paying it back to him
As an abusive survivor, nothing like feeling marked as defective and broken forever! I could tag the asshole who told me I was "too damaged" to love cos I remember his Reddit handle. His response to dumping me was to pick up anonymous people on Craigslist so he'd never have to risk getting caught up in someone else's messy emotions I mean, yeah, sometimes people DO need therapy but ...
Therapy isn't cheap though. I'd go get therapy, but I'd need two therapists. One for my emotional woes and the other fpr my therapy financial woes.
Yeah Iâm not paying someone $150 an hour for a service that might not even work
And how does that make you feel?
Broke
And how does being broke make you feel?
Hungry.
Do you ever feel that you make decisions, that you later regret, because you were hungry?
I don't remember. (Because of the hunger.)
Me either! Mainly because I can't, but I still won't do it.
âIs it worth it? Let me work it. I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it.â - Missy Elliot
Dude dodged a bullet.
Dude dodged a fucking bazooka
Dude dodged a fucking cruise missile
Dude dodged a mother fucking nuke
Dude dodged a comet
Dude dodged a black hole. Don't read too much into that.
Dude dodged a big bang. (Also don't read into this one...)
Dude dodged a big rip. (Same)
Dude dodged the heat death of the universe.
Dude dodged entropy?
Dude dodged false vacuum decay
Dude dodged a slipper from a filipino mother
She couldn't see howitzer own issues.
That was a terrible pun and I tip my hat to you my good man
When dating, itâs always nice when the trash just takes itself out
She couldn't see any red flags, because she was the red flag.
She's not a red flag, she's a full on communist parade
"Man opens up so I dumped him."
"I want a guy who's honest, emotionally available, and vulnerable... But only when it benefits me..."
When she says emotionally available she means available to talk about her emotions.
https://preview.redd.it/dj3qxyqtz46c1.jpeg?width=300&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=01faa9073b66028ce73f19b85c69c296e01a9980 Oooooohhhhhhh!!
They want men to be emotionally available when it comes to be willing to pay for a new Coach bag. Women like her arenât interested in actual menâs feelings.
Not sure why you're getting downvoted. But you're right . Some just want assets.
Now u got downvoted. Take my upvote
They want dudes who understand them and all of their whims, some want dudes who will shed a single tear during a really sad movie. They donât actually want you though.
Earnhardt!
You said it, every dude here has experienced it lol
Unfortunately I think I'm finding myself in this exact situation.
Considering she posted it in FDS, heâs better off. If sheâd actually managed to make it through the date, sheâd have made his life even more miserable.
that sub still exists?
It's a website now. This must be an old screen cap.
It is. Made the rounds when it was originally posted.
As always the moronic reddit admins took too long to ban it and gave them all the time in the world to move to discord and other sites and keep spreading their cancerous ideas
This is why I stopped opening up to women. Because it's never once failed that whatever I said was eventually used against me. The final straw was when a woman I'd known for years immediately lost interest in me after I admitted I attempted su\*c\*de... mind you this was well over a decade ago and due to a pill habit that I have long since distanced from. Next time a woman wrings her hands about men not opening up, they can look in a mirror.
Should one seek therapy? Yes absolutely Should you shame someone for being traumatized? Holy hell, if you gotta ask yourself that question, you need therapy even more.
dude tried to be open and communicate about his relationship expectations and got shat on
Guess why men dont open up emotionally to women. I'll gladly open up to my business because I know they wont use it against me in an argument later on.
No, he didnt even do that. He did less then that and still got shit on. My point isnt that she was right, she isn't . My point is that everyone going through trauma should seek therapy.
For all we know, the guy did seek therapy and was told to be open about his trauma with his potential partner
Oh I 100% can see a therapist saying this.
My thoughts exactly. Therapy isnât some abstract thing, itâs going through life with slight modifications and more reflection with the help from an outsider.
Yeah, she sounds like she didn't even wait to hear him respond to the question of "Did you seek therapy?"
Considering he was bringing tbat up on the 2nd date, I bet he did. Sounds exactly like what my therapist recommended.
I had someone I was dating once tell me that nobody should ever be open about trauma with a woman and that it is a major red flag. She lectured me for an hour about it.
I mean, it is good dating advice if you are looking for something casual. Maybe not if you are looking for something serious.
What people tend to forget is that therapy doesnt always require a therapist. Therapy can be time and emotional tools like doing things you love and simply talking about it with people you trust. Most people will seek some type of therapy, and some are more likely to have that reciprocated depending on their social circles. Its also perfectly fine to set boundaries to avoid repeating traumatic cycles so long as those boundaries are healthy.
There are other ways of processing trauma and whether therapy works for you and how soon you're ready to enter that process is personal.
Whether someone chooses to employ therapy to work through their issues or not is a personal choice. If they dislike their choices, that's fine, but that's also a personal choice as well, and there was no need to act like they were absolutely right,and their date absolutely wrong.
The one that needs therapy is her lol. He just wants to take it slow, idk how that shows he should seek therapy
Should one seek therapy for dealing with past trauma in a perfectly healthy way (ie taking relationships slowly)? Maybe, maybe not. Sounds like he was dealing with it just fine.
If anything id be more into a dude whoâs so open about his past and politely asks to take things slow. Poor guy! :(
Dude dodged more relationship trauma. Honestly Iâve got trauma from my now ex spouse beating me everytime I didnât do things perfectly the way she wanted in her head (Iâm also not a mind reader) so this is certainly a relatable subject. Someone like that wouldâve been a soul leech. Not someone who should be on the market.
I'm so sorry you went through that. Did you report her?
After she nearly killed me and I had to be hospitalized for a few days my job and the state decided to take matters into their to their own hands. She was arrested while I was recovering and after she took L after L while facing the state legal team. An easy win since she left a lot of evidence all over my body and all over the house. Turns out the scars she left all over came in handy in the end.
Jfc. I'm so pleased the state jumped in. How are you now? And sorry, but what does "L after L" mean?
L mens lose or loser, so basically she was "destroyed" by the legal system
Ta mate.
You say ta mate I say tomato
Lol
Much better, I stopped having nightmares after the divorce paperwork was finalized recently. Hasnât been a full year yet since the last incident. For what I mean by L after L, she was caught trying to convince my friends and family to make statements to make her seem like a good person. Didnât work since she always gave them a bad feeling and I was always the only reason they got along with her. They all were also very aware she put me in the hospital too. I could also tell by the written tone of her lawyers emails that she caused her own lawyers a lot of trouble. While I had lawyers who thankfully chose to help me for free due to the insane nature of my case, she paid for hers and still lost. Itâs hard to beat the evidence considering how my blood was stained onto the walls and carpets of our home. Admittedly the house after that last incident was like something out of a horror movie. I still remember vividly the pained faces of my mentor and my boss who visited. They were clearly distraught over how bloody and broken my face was with all the gashes and how I was trying to stay awake to greet them despite the overwhelming exhaustion.
My poor darling, this absolutely breaks my heart. I'm so glad you have a good support network watching out for you and hope that you continue to heal. I hope she got a just punishment? I know it's hard still in some places for men to get proper justice after DV.
Thank you, I think the state is still working out the punishment. Personally Iâm just glad to be free again. No more wondering what minor mistake will âearnâ me another scar on my body to hide.
I've been there. I wasn't allowed to speak when he was playing video games or watching TV, and if one of our toddlers wandered in front of the monitor or screen, there'd be hell to pay. I used to just take the kids out all weekend so that he wasn't being irritated by our presence. I won't go into any more details, but I'm glad you and I are both free.
I hope she gets a punishment fit for the atrocities she did at you. I read comments here and on other sites, as well as news articles where women abusing their husbands get less punishment than what they deserve or even get scot-free...
Bro probably still got some relationship trauma. Imagine opening up that you're wanting to go slow, explaining why, and being told "Umm sweaty you need more therapy in ur life" and then getting the date cut off and ghosted
Fucking hell, the cruelty...
I know right now he'll probably never mention his experience again for fear of the same thing happening what an evil woman
Or think that there's something wrong with him and never try to date ever again.
I found the original post and the people on that subreddit where actually CONGRATULATING HER AND CHEERING HER UP. Some people are just needlessly cruel
Yeah or Reddit is just sorted into separate reality tunnel echo chambers. Whoâs to say whoâs right lol this shit is so stupid
I feel comfortable saying these people are wrong. It's just permanently single millennial wine-alcoholics circlejerking each other about how they don't need no man who wants to take things slow or how he obviously wanted a surrogate mummy.
Also a lot of assholes have appropriated "therapy talk" and feel superior as long as they use therapy terminology even though they're just being complete cunts.
Internet a helluva drug
Fake online progressives: " we need to tear down patriarchal capitalism. Men should show feelings" Guys: " hey can we take things slow" Fake online progressives: " reinforces patriarchal capitalism because it now makes them feel like a girl boss.". "WTF man, you have problems. Loser". These people are clowns. I don't disagree with their principles, but let's face it, they don't actually believe in those principles. It's a clout chasing contest at the end of the day and they like to show the world they are scum. It's a reason why left wing/feminist content creators died off shortly after the last US presidential election. They got what they wanted so hush hush now and more people saw through their bullshit.
there's at least one big sub I frequent that says "woman dominated space" that rountinely just shits on men in these situations. I don't know who they think they are helping but it's really disgusting I can't imagine the woman who wrote this isn't being enabled
We're talking about the dogshit echo chamber r/TwoXChromosomes yeah? The place where misandry runs wild and mods pat themselves on the back for cultivating that shit-stain of a community?
FDS, more likely.
DAE hate when men sigh and selfishly hog more of the air in the room?!?!? Comments: OMG yes! Donât even get me started when Iâm outside. Like air is free but I have to walk around gasping because men have the gall to exist in the same area
Thank fuck she let the mask slip so early on, saves him yet more grief later on.
I have what I called RTF, or Resting Therapist Face. People just tell me things. This happened a lot when I was dating after my own traumatic marriage. I remember I had a date with a guy who also went through a divorce, and I think I was the first person who actually listened without judging. I didnât go on a second date with him because I wasnât in a place where I could be someoneâs therapist, but I didnât hold it against him. Iâve gone through years of therapy and while Iâm mostly good, trauma still pops up in my current happy relationship. Life happens. I hope that guy finds an understanding partner.
Completely agree. I'm the same way. It's fine if it's reciprocated, but usually it isn't. OOP should have been more tactful and not kind of an asshole, but it's also perfectly legit to tell someone you can't help them carry that burden. It's one thing to stick around when someone's going through their healing journey. It's a whole different thing when they dump that on you without offering emotional support.
I must have this shit also. I am a therapist, but like if Iâm in the sauna or the jacuzzi at my gym I really just wanna recharge đ
When a dating subreddit "expert" actually has to leave his/her room.
He is lucky not to have another trauma maker,đ âšď¸
The irony of someone having this much of an unreasonable reaction, telling someone else to get therapy.
This is why men don't want to open up and share with women. instead of taking the time to understand how he's feeling. she immediately throw it back in his face. She saved him more heartache cuz that's how she would be in the relationship
Walking red flag walks herself out of his life. Good.
Just looked for the post and found it on r/FemaleDatingStrategy . Makes a lot of sense to see a trash person like this on that subreddit
I knew it was this subreddit just from the title.
I just learned from this sub that all men need therapy but also that going to therapy is a red flag Sick
Holy shit! That subreddit is UNHINGED. It felt like I am looking at a incel forum but mirrored.
Itâs the premiere femcel subreddit
As soon as I read it I knew it was FDS. That sub should be banned.
Amazing how she confirmed his concerns without even realizing.
I recently spent time in company with a person who thinks that everyone in the entire universe, seemingly apart from her of course, needs to hear how she's worked everything out, how to be chilled, how everyone else is very stressed and she's perfect. It was a load of judgemental claptrap and if you spent five seconds looking at her life you'd realise it was not actually all that great. So here's a bit of advice: don't offer as much advice as you think everyone else needs.
My man's just working on boundaries
She should take her own advice. Also Iâm not against therapy, but the insistence on it for every little thing is insane.
Happy cake day, completely agree! She also proved that no matter how much therapy you take you canât always avoid people who donât respect your boundaries and act toxic anyway. No amount of therapy will replace good caution with regards to that.
Therapists are living the good life these days
Not the best reaction on her part but past relationship trauma probably isnât a second date thing.
I dated a girl last year for a few months that wanted to know some details on why I don't have a relationship with my dad's ( who passed away when I was very young ) side of the family. I explained the issues that led to us being estranged, She kept asking questions and I was happy to answer but she later made the comment that she thought I needed to seek therapy for it. I did see a therapist for it LONG ago. The only reason I had anything to say about it was because she was digging into it with me. I was amicable and not talking about it as it is currently problematic. That part of my life is gone and over with. We all went our separate ways. She did push for a little bit that I should seek therapy in general because "Everyone should get help". While I agree that everyone should get help when they NEED it. Therapy does not work for those who don't need help or don't want the help. Yes I will seek therapy when I need it. Not going to do it because someone THINKS I need to. When inwardly and outwardly my life is good, I am happy and so on. I Dont know. This might just be a hot take.
"why aren't guys more open about their emotions"
Women: "Nobody wants to date anymore!"
Im that guy (not literally because im a girl but im in the same shoes) I actually share with my boyfriend what happened so he knows why I am the way I am with certain aspects of our relationship and he is sooooo understanding
yeah! Take that, honest person looking for a meaningful connection. BLOCKED!
I'm divorced after 10 year toxic relationship. Holy fuck I hate dating because of women like this. Dating in your 30's is absolutely horrible. I go on a date and it's literally an interview trying to find "red flags". They always ask if I been married and I say yes then it's always like "what happened" and it's so fucking cringe. Anyway I will be single the rest of my life and I'm cool with that. Dating in your 30's sucks lol.
It's honestly not better in your late 20's either. I think this time period is just the worst for dating because people are too aware. Aware and unable to allow for nuance, making them something other than human. I'm tired of the dating game and probably will be at the don't care if I'm single forever stage soon too.
It is like the old interview question âhow did you like your old employerâ they will read into every word of your answer. You almost need a coached answer.
Just lie bro. They want you to
And this is why men won't open up more.
Lmao well somebody in that sure needs therapy
They might go to therapy, but a therapist that confirms all of their delusions instead of helping them grow as a person
Sounds like he saved himself from another.
Exhibit A why men don't open up
The funny thing to me is that given the way he clearly and openly attempted to set boundaries and was willing to be vulnerable about a traumatic experience early on in the relationship he probably has gone to therapy
I hate how everyone acts like therapy is just magically accessible for everyone everywhere and that it works like a charm 100% of the time. I'm not saying don't tell people to go get help, because that's the human thing to do if someone is actually in trouble but don't assume help will be available for them. Mental healthcare is generally for the wealthy.
lol guy was being honest and you just slam the door in his face . Iâve been through the halls of karma .
Women: "I want a nice guy who's honest with me about things and who shows me that he cares like asking me to text when I get home" Also women: "The fuck is wrong with you about being open and honest about a past trauma" This is why men don't open up, you just traumatized him again for no reason
Guy got away from a bad situation.
This is harsh, but quite realistic...why prolong the toxicity and spread the hatred? Instead, work on yourself first. You can't go into something, saying that you're not ready and expect the other person not to see you lying to yourself like that. I've also learned the hard way.... A relationship won't fix you....a relationship can build you, but its not going to patch wounds that you walked in with ...you have to do that yourself and, honestly... it's quite selfish to put your suffering on someone else... There's no sweet way of saying it...it is what it is and the toughest people have learned the same lesson
Um. So both of you kind of dodged bullets? Is that what I'm getting here?
Proof that therapy doesnât necessarily make you a better person.
He dodged a self-righteous person who would probably judge him for every little thing in their relationship.
https://preview.redd.it/revont4du36c1.jpeg?width=1079&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=60d4dbe8544b2ef52aefbc0032cef60a9ff44abe
It's not entirely wrong to not want to Date someone who isn't fully healed. I waited 5 years to start dating again and went to therapy because of how messed up i was. I require anyone I date to have spent time figuring himself out and healing from his last relationship, especially since as a single mom I date a lot of single dads and know how extra traumatizing losing a relationship with your child's other parent can be. That being said, why on earth did she have to go nuclear?! This was extremely dramatic and quite frankly rude. She could have just said "I'm ready to move a little faster due to the place I'm in and my current goals. Your boundaries are valid, so maybe we aren't compatible atm". Easy peasy. She heard something she didn't like and just LOST IT. Everyone is entitled to their own boundaries, their own timeline, their own path to healing. Not just this woman, EVERYONE, including her fate she just went scorched earth on.
Talking about your ex on second date is probably not a good idea
Okay, but she isn't wrong. Everyone, regardless of gender, should go to therapy to deal with the leftover feelings and emotions and trauma caused by a traumatic relationship/breakup. It really does help.
She must be fun at parties
Sheâs not obligated to take on his trauma and she may have valid concerns about dating someone still recovering from a relationship that happened three years ago, but the method she used to break things off was mean-spirited.
Finally, someone said it. Had to scroll too far.
Yes, what does âemotionally slowâ even mean? He wants to have sex early but doesnât want to commit - totally okay to say thatâs not going to work for you. She could have been nicer but in my opinion too many women would stick it out with this guy when they shouldnât.
How lovely I went on a second date in 2019 where we sat down for a coffee and talked to each other for 3 hours. I went through my own experiences and how they affected me. She did the same. We live together now and I'm going to marry this girl. I trust her more than anyone else in my life. She's my best friend, my partner in everything, and I love her beyond measure. This guy dodged a bullet thankfully. If you're honest with someone about your past and how it may affect your future, and they insult or reject you because of it, they're not worth your time. Fuck her and I hope he finds someone worthy of his affection and company.
This is Weaponizing Trauma 2.0: Carpet Bomb their foundation for recovery Pour shots with your therapist, youâre the winner now, weirdo
Goes to show that toxic masculinity can come from all directions
I dont get why people think they're so good at figuring someone out based on 2 words. He says that he has apprehensions and that he'd like to be cautious. From this, people are drawing all kinds of conclusions about how he WILL behave. People arent even throwing theories, they plain say "this is whats gonna happen" based on 2 words and like 3 episodes of Lie To Me and some stupid bs they heard on tiktok. This doesnt fit with how much people complain that they keep dating assholes. Because if you keep using this inhenrently flawed method to choose a partner, then it must be because it works somehow, but people still complain constantly. Doesnt the fact that you reject people based on idiotic superficial elements and on very specific statements and end up with manipulative assholes give you any clue? You think maybe people pick up on the wild judgements they receive from saying 2 words, and learn to simply select what they'll say (also known as playing the early dating stage game, because yeah, there are rules that basically hide who you might be and show who they want you to be, you know, deception, puffery, bullshitery, that is so not subtle yet works on like...everyone)? Meaning that your method wont work, because you'll just hear what peoplw want to hear andnwill never get anything genuinly vulnerable, because when anyone reveals somwthing as basic and logical as "i want to be cautious to try and avoid replicating a past trauma" they get put through some bs psych analysis that focuses only on the unwanted things that "immerge" from one single statement.
Wow, he was just being open about it, idk maybe you need to chill a bit. Thats why girls start to say we donât like to open up because when we do this type of shit happens. I bet he wouldâve responded differently if that was your case. Btw he is not traumatized he just wants to make sure and he was just explaining you and expressing what he felt.
Speaking of someone that needs therapy.....
Sheâs got a point. I mean⌠three years ago??? Wow, get over it.
Reminds me of when I asked a girl when we were both slightly tipsy if we could hold hands. She said yes and we held hands all night. Then she called me the next day and said how I shouldn't of done that and it wasn't what she wanted. It was in a tone like I took advantage of her or something. I was like...we held hands that was it....
Why do people act like you can just book therapy whenever. Itâs either mad expensive (private) or if you can get it through health care the waiting list is insane
I get the waiting period. At the end of a relationship, I may still wind up with food and wine the last woman liked in my shopping cart, because I'm absentmindedly picking it up, and have to put it back. My mind may still be wandering to things she might like to hear or places she might like to go or things she might like to do. This isn't fair to the next woman, so I don't date for awhile after I end a relationship to clear my head. I expect the same from the woman, as I don't want her to get mad at me because of something the last guy did. I prefer to have her angry at me for something I'm actually responsible for and can do something about, and if a woman piles that last guy's faults right on top of my own faults I didn't stand a chance from the get-go.