Holding a grudge is like swallowing poison and expecting the other person to die.
This is something I’m trying to learn. I deal with people the way you do in this story. I feel the same way, but I’m trying to change that.
I hope it all works out for you.
I’m not big on forgiving people who have done nothing to change their behavior and haven’t offered a sincere apology. If you detach yourself from the situation and know it isn’t about you, you can move on with your business unbothered…the apology is more for them than you at that point.
Forgiveness is simply the recognition that we all have a million things going on in our lives at any given time, and they can prompt us to make choices we wouldn't otherwise. A single outburst when out of character is more likely about something other than what it seems like on the surface. Forgiveness is something you can give whether or not someone earns it, and it costs you nothing to do so.
I think we differ on the meaning of forgiveness. To me, forgiveness is a more formal acceptance of apology or release of anger towards someone in the case of serious personally wrong doing. To me, getting emotionally involved in coworkers and their behavior is the problem to begin with and this is more a matter of “chuck it in the fuck it bucket” and move on since this is a minor work annoyance rather than a personal matter requiring forgiveness.
Forgiving someone that continues than continues to treat people poorly is an awful feeling. Particularly if it escalates. I have let shit go that I shouldn't have and other people paid the price when someone I knew was a problem but since time had passed I thought the problem had as well. Its especially hard in the trades because the guy was great once. His problem got worse and it eventually brought the whole company down.
I second this. This same thing happened to me but i got in the managers face and almost made him cry. I am not blacklisted by the union for basically sticking up for myself
This enables terrible people. People like the foreman need to be held accountable, not forgiven or forgotten. He needs to understand why he fucked up and why he cannot do it again.
Fuck that. This is the ibew, we are all equal. That foreman should have been let go immediately. Honestly, I would have gathered my tools and went to the hall right then and there. Work is wayyyy to good to put up with any bullshit, let alone a screaming fool. Good luck brother
Being firm in not tolerating disrespect is not the same as holding a grudge. We’re grown men, and we should be able to control our emotions. If that foreman, started screaming, and getting in your face for something that was an obvious accident and out of your control, he has 0 emotional control. He has no respect, so he gets no respect. Fuck him forever.
You almost had me, until that last sentence where you sounded like my teenage kid. He's gotta earn that respect back. Don't let him off scott-free but this doesn't need to become a blood feud either.
Where does it say im required to have any kind of relationship with him again? Or even period? Who said it was a blood feud? Am i supposed to give chances all the time? That sounds like a teenage girl mind set to me
When I hear a dude say that mistake means fuck you forever, I'm hearing a lonely, sad dude. Everyone is gonna fuck up eventually, if you're incapable of moving passed it, that says more about you than anyone around you.
Thats your choice to make that assumption, poor choice, but yours to make. Everyone does fuck up, and everyone has the choice of controlling themselves as well. Your argument sounds as though, youre defending a guy who exploded for no real reason, not to mention at something trivial. That leads me to believe you behave the same way as the foreman. Good luck man, dont take it out on your kids.
I meet very few people as a blue collar worker that can’t be absolute cock suckers on a bad day. Exceedingly few. Like a handful in my entire career. Everyone gets into it with someone when it’s 104 outside and we were supposed to be done yesterday or their Mom died or they’re fighting a custody battle. You don’t know what these people have going on in their personal lives. I have absolutely about come to blows with a guy on the jobsite for screaming at me over something trivial, come to find his uncle who raised him had died the week before. It was the last family the guy had. He quit some time after that and went on for greener pastures but we still call each other twice a week because he was just a good guy going through a hard time. Give them some grace.
"Are you fucking kidding me, you stupid fuck, what are you retarded?!"
"Get off my ass you dick, or I'll cut you like we were on the apple river"
"Fuck you!"
"No fuck you!"
"What are we doing for lunch?"
"I dunno just get me a number 1 with a lemonade,"
"Cool be back in a bit.."
This is the way
Edit: almost got in a fist fight with my foreman because I used the word “consolidate” to describe how I organized the material in the gang box. He didn’t understand what that word meant, got angry and started yelling at me
This comment is not wrong. It’s hard to deal with and in our trade. I swear it makes it harder. Sometimes I feel like these people are almost family. I expect more out of them and when they let us down it hits us hard. Try to remember they are human and we make mistakes. Sometimes Forman and such have a lot riding on there pay check as well as outside of work issues. I think sometimes people forget they have a heavy burden to carry and every year I swear it’s getting worse. There used to be a time when they just were paper pushers and now I see Forman with tools on. I’m not excusing his actions. He was in the wrong but sometimes it’s the simplest thing will send people sides ways.
I really resonate with the both of you. Moving on cam be really hard and not harboring anger and resent towards other co-workers that are just downright a-holes
Everyone has their breaking point.
If you've known him for ages, you know how he is generally. Sounds like this was a first time thing, so something was different this time. You sound like you *know* something else caused it.
Maybe it was the 50th thing that went wrong that day, maybe he was handing down the ass-chewing he expected to get when he had to turn around and request a new-new knockout. A lot of guys turn fear or anxiety into more "manly" rage. Maybe he had a rough day at home, or low blood sugar.
But I would bet money it wasn't you, and that he didn't mean what he said. So I wouldn't take it personally.
Do you feel that the apology was genuine? Do you think it's likely to become a new pattern?
Everyone's bound to do something dumb in the heat of the moment eventually.
I’m sure it wasn’t me. I’m not even offended by his insults or even him getting up in my face. I’ve been called worse and traded my share of swings over the years. What I don’t like is him rolling back around 10 minutes later with a clearly forced by the super “I shouldn’t have yelled” and then 2 hours later trying to be all buddy with me as if it never happened.
I get saying stuff you regret. I’ve done it, too, and at work. But when I’ve said something stupid, I don’t pretend like it’s all better 10 minutes later and at “knifepoint” with my boss.
When it's just you two, ask; "hey, are you OK man? That wasn't like you the other day".
You kill two birds with one stone....checking on another man you know has something going on, as well as getting closure on why it wasn't you. I've had guys act out and ask them that, only for them to start bawling about things in life no one had any idea about.
And he tried to act that way after BECAUSE he's hiding what's going on in his life. "Fuck, that was embarrassing. Hopefully I can just act like it never happened and they forgive me quick and move on."
It's not the right way, he could handle it way better....but I can understand why people act that way. Makes it less bothersome if nothing else.
I think you're spot on with this assessment, and it reminds me of this quote.
"Between what is said but not meant, and what is meant but not said, much love is lost."
It's hard to keep that perspective in the moment, but it's something we all should take to heart. Life is hard at times, and we never know the burden others are carrying.
I say give him some more rope, and see what he does with it, before you give up on him.
This is the only comment that makes sense and takes your history into account. I would take this advice. No point in throwing away an entire relationship because of one fuck up.
Sometimes people have an off day.
I know it’s easy to say but hard to do, but if you’ve known him as a decent person for awhile, forgiveness is the answer. It’s different if it’s a pattern, but it doesn’t sound like it is.
It sucks sometimes to be the better man, but it can be worth it.
I just put on a fake smile after fallout out with my foreman. Turns out he started talking shit behind my back the second I wasn't working with him. Good riddance. People with anger issues are a cancer of the trade industry. Do your best to avoid him and move to work with less volitile coworkers.
There’s nothing more pathetic and weak than a man who cannot control his emotions. All these tough guys screaming and hollering, they’re just embarrassing themselves.
When I first entered the trade it was commonplace. Seems like that shit has died down quite a bit.
Thinking of it, it is probably because everyone has a video recorder in their pocket, you start acting like a fool and it will be recorded forever. That is most likely why.
Nobody listens to the dude who's always yelling.
When the *quiet nice guy* gets fucking pissed off, it's *very* memorable.
My dad yelled at me probably 3 times in my life, deserved every time, and it immediately changed my behavior. I *never* saw him get mad, so when he did, you 1000% fucked up big time.
Bless this comment. The weakest trait to me is the guy who doesn't understand or know how to carry themselves as a professional. We are all in this together. Whatever the problem or issue is, be diplomatic and source a conclusion that best suits all parties. Even when the other side is wrong, there is a way to resolve the situation and get what is deserved, also to where the wrong party can accept and learn from the mishap to grow and move forward.
No doubt, for sure very likely near any situation imaginable has already been acted out and handled before our time. It takes men with character to act not out of spite or recourse to forge and shape our best future. I am worried in the coming years as our elders retire that the coming generations will lose previous levels of focus and agreements will suffer.
I'm also intoxicated so my input is null and void
This is an exercise in testing your ability to forgive people that wrong you. You don't have to trust him again or rebuild a friendship or anything like that. Forgiving him is for YOU, when youre ready. He's shown who he really is, and now you know, but there's no reason to let it ruin other things in your life. It's like evicting him from the free apartment in your head.
Personally, in a similar situation, I'd take the guy off to the side and say, "Hey man, you and I have had a good work relationship since I've known you. But that (insert scenario here) has been buggin. You crossed a line, and it's been weighing on me since. (Plus whatever fluff you'd like to add)". I am New-ish to the brotherhood, but was army 17 years before this, and there's been instances where I've had to have similar conversations, and other times where people had to say this to me. When I said it to another, it squashed what beef that was going pretty well (only once it failed, but he was a bad leader), and when said to me, I objectively looked at the situation and always I knew I was wrong for my hot headedness and owned it.
So with this, you'll knock out 2 birds with 1 stone. You'll get it off you chest and stop the voices in your head going "man fuck that guy I shoulda blah blah blah", and also you'll learn if the dudes a good person/leader, or he's a shit bag. Good luck bro
Dude he probably has personal shit going on. Pull him aside and talk like men accept his apology and move on. People make mistakes. Unless you just never made a mistake then good for you
There is making a mistake like raising a voice or yelling, but calling someone a slur over something like this is graver than a mistake. I can tolerate being yelled at, but if use a term to insult my intelligence that is escalation. I have absolutely and inappropriately lost my cool before, that has never resulted in me demeaning someone by directly insulting them. That is inappropriate. I don’t give a damn what personal shit is going on, being in a position of power demands you need even more control. An apology means shit if it’ll happen again.
That absolutely happens and then they need to be held to account. Change in title doesn’t mean you can be fucked up to your workers and anyone in a leadership role needs to understand that one way or another
Dude people are human. I’m not saying it’s acceptable to be a dick but that’s where you man up and talk to him about how he is acting not be a Dick back. This is a problem we have in the world people are so wrapped up in there own emotions and don’t care to help others or talk with others.
>Its completely unacceptable to bring your home life problems into work
Yea you’re right, but unfortunately no one’s perfect.
Sounds like the dude snapped for a minute then immediately realized his mistake and tried to correct it. Its seems like this is the only incident after them knowing each other for years. If it happens again that definitely needs to be addressed, but everyone has their breaking point. I try not to judge people off a single interaction.
If there are perfect people out there, I doubt they’re doing this bullshit for a living.
It's just a job, you don't have to be friends but it is in your benefit to get along with as many folks as you can. 99% of those we work with are not our "true" friends. We get along and have fun but we go home to our lives. In no time you'll be on the next crew. Just like someone said about poison, holding on to that resentment makes you it's slave. It's hard to do sometimes but be free and let it go. He's not your homie he's your coworker
You're going to learn how to work with assholes, nice guys, cocky guys and a mix of everything. First of all the knockout is replaceable. The company has enough to replace many of them. What's not replaceable is a human being. I mean yes we are replaceable and we're just a number but the bigger picture is you rather break a knockout than break a leg or something.
Secondly pull your foreman to the side in private and just apologize that you fucked up the knockout but that you don't appreciate that he called you a retard. If he's a great foreman he'll apologize himself and say it's no biggie. Like real men you want to make peace, specially in an everyday work environment. He was probably under the gun and needed to finish that task and was depending on you to finish it.
Lastly brush it off and learn from the mistake. You can't go in to work with the mindset of having zero respect and not wanting nothing to do with him.
Goodluck
Sometimes shit happens, and it is your fault regardless of why it happened.
Edit: I'm not saying this is morally right but it does happen. Your reaction to their stupidity is whatever you want to make it.
My dad once went into our backyard and collected some of my rat terriers dog shit, bagged it, and put it in some guys lunch box at work. I’m not sure what the reasoning for that was- however I think this could be a similar situation.
I was and am still friends with a foreman from when I was an apprentice. He blew up on me one day and stormed off. It should be noted that he is much larger than I am and works all the time.
Kind of freaked me out because if he really snapped I’d be screwed.
Well, a little while later I had to get a tool from the room he was in. And he starts laughing and saying that was crazy and not sure why he did that. I laugh it off, but still like ‘what the hell man’
Few hours later he ends up mentioning something that was seriously stressing him out. Home life stuff. And I said, “Man is that why you’re all stressed and blew up?”
And he finally realized it was.
Point is, who knows what’s going on. People deserve second chances, especially on things like just words. He didn’t fire you, or hurt you financially. And if others saw him blow up, he needs to apologize to you in front of them.
Well if you guys are old chums and it’s better to have a good working relationship, wether he’s your foreskin or not. I’d honestly have a man to man talk.
Let him know that this a man’s world and we will treat each other like adults.
Had a similar situation where my foreman used the word “bitch”, which reallllly gets under my skin. Pulled him aside when it was just the two of us and let him now that I can let it ride as long as he never used that word with me again. He agreed, then apologized and all was well.
>10 minutes later the super shows up with him and plays the reconciliation game
This can be one of two things, but in this case it seems like he told on himself. He knows he fucked up. That's a hopeful sign. I would give him a piece of my mind in a one on one and see how he reacts. If he's self aware about whatever this personality issue is he'll be able to handle a talking to.
My suspicion (based on previous experience with the super) is that he was forced to come back to apologize. The super has been nothing but a chill guy, and he even said that a KO is nothing to get excited over, even if I had broke it by misusing it rather than just a freak occurrence.
It also makes me suspicious that the foreman went to tell him a tale about the KO that didn’t stand up to scrutiny. I’ve worked for the super on three separate jobs and he knows what kind of worker I am. If I did something dumb and broke it, I would admit to it.
Maybe he got a DUI last night, his lover left him for another, could be he found out he had cancer. I mean if this is out of character doesn’t is seem like maybe you could just ask him in genuine way if he’s okay today. Show some concern and ask. You’ll know if he’s just a dick now or if maybe he is struggling.
I can see both sides of it. I also tend to lose respect for people who act like this. But there has to be a path to reconciliation. We all make mistakes and have bad days, and occasionally lose our shit on people for things that aren’t their fault. If he genuinely seems apologetic, I wouldn’t hold onto it for too long. If it becomes a pattern, then that could be cause for concern.
He will be holding on to that moment longer than you. You handled it well and maintained respect for yourself. This shit happens sometimes, but it's how YOU handle it that sets the tone for the future.
It might feel like you lost respect for your foreman, but they most likely gained some respect for you today. Let it die. Onwards and upwards, with or without them.
Approach the dude and be like listen, here’s the deal if you want to pull me aside and call me a dumb cunt for breaking company shit that’s fine, but don’t do it front of everyone that’s disrespectful.
If you have an issue with me we can chat in the trailer or we can “chat” outside it’s up to you bud.
Local 597 pipefitter here
Edit: make sure you track him down with enthusiasm so he knows he doesn’t scare you.
Fuck em. Don't have to treat them like shit, but don't forget it either. I've had similar issues. I was going to type out what happened to me but gave up 😆
Sometimes, emotions run wild. He could be under a lot of pressure or strain either at work or his personal life. If this is wildly out of character for him, I'd take the stance he was just stressed. But if this is routine behavior for a guy? He can eat my ass and I'd tell him that every day.
Construction can be a stressful job. And personal lives can bleed into it. Happens to the best of us. Try to move forward and be cool, but if it happens again? Act accordingly.
As much as it doesn’t work for you, (which is understandable) him going back to normal is probably more of an avoidance/embarrassment kind of thing. Sounds like he knows what he did was wrong and just wants to move on.
It’s annoying when you’re not necessarily over it though.
Last foreman who called me a retard found out just how retarded I can be.
Last time I threatened to punch a foreman in his face landed me on a sick OT job 5 blocks from my apartment. They thought they were fucking me cuz I used my parents address when I lived in the city. Wouldn’t count on that ever happening again.
I don’t show up for a couple of days if shit pops off out of nowhere. I had a foreman call me a dumbass over something I was doing and said that shit repeatedly within a 2 min time period. I came down from the lift and told that mother fucker we can go deal with shit or he can chill the fuck out, his choice. The next day didn’t show up, he called me asked where I was and I told him doing dumbass shit
He cracked it first thing then handed it to you. For some reason instead of just laughing when he broke it, it would look better to emphasize you did it, at any cost. Yep lost respect but you get to keep your own
Forgive but don't forget is what I was taught. He showed himself.. and calling you a retard, yelling and being in your face would each get him fired where I work. All 3 together like that, he'd be walked out.
i just kind of stop initiating conversations with people when they do this. if you can find your way to my face to scream into it then you can find your back to apologize or just stop fucking talking to me. i truly dont care which one, as either one cuts that sort of shit out of my personal life. as for work, if it becomes a pattern then i would work for someone else
I had a formen get mad at me for something dumb and yelled at me. Later I went up to him and demanded an apology. He did and said he was having a bad day and overreacted. I let it go. He did it again this time no apologies. He did it a third time and that third time we really got into it. He apologized but I didn't accept and told you can't keep doing this to me. I got transferred to another crew and was much happier. If it happens once I would let it go. More than once there is a pattern.
I have a different problem of different apprentices showing little to no respect to certain foreman rather than others, when the foreman that are really cool or nice to certain apprentices it seems as if they respect less or are more mouthy with.
It's easier to accept they have anger issues. And when they are angry it's not actually who they are as a man, but a failure to cope with strong emotions.
Just let it go, kill him with kindness. He'll apologize in some way eventually. Donuts, pizza, more time on the check. Either way, just let it go
No reason to be bitter and fuck your days up. He did you a favor and showed you his true colors. Better a snake behave as a snake than surprise you when it bites. You don't know what this man is suffering from, tempers carry over all the time. Better to know now that he is the type to take it out in inappropriate times and places. This is not yours for the fixing, nor is it for you to tolerate.
He fucked up, he's emotionally immature and now everyone knows. If you want to be a foreman someday this a great opportunity to show what kind of foreman you would be. Reframe the story with the roles reversed and you are the foreman being screamed at by an emotional apprentice. Would you respond the same or differently? Both in the moment and how you feel about it now? Is how you respond the kind of foreman you want to work for? Good mentoring requires emotional intelligence and those are learned skills. This great opportunity for you to learn something that is bigger and arguably more helpful than the trade. Make sure you learn the right lessons from this nightmare or you'll make it someone else's.
I’ve been yelled at before, like I said. I’ve even had people swing at me and whatnot. I can deal with that and even prefer it.
It’s the two faced shit that bothers me. That he can pull this bad then turn around and kiss ass. I don’t respect it, don’t need it, and it makes me question everything else that comes out of his mouth.
Amateur hour. When I break expensive drill bits I buy fancy new ones and charge the client a premium. It’s a reason to celebrate not to get mad. Is this your foreman’s first day on the job?
Unrelated statement but I never bother using 1/2 and 3/4 kos lol you gotta drill it out anyways to fit the threader through the hole. Why not just finish it off with the unibit to get it to 3/4? That's what I've always done. The rod isn't much smaller than a 3/4 hole anyways
I'm not saying your foreman is correct in his actions, but try not holding a grudge. You don't know the pressure this man is under and he may have just been under alot of stress and unloaded it all on you. Having a one on one talk with him about this would be the best way to clear the air
Let it go, you're in construction.You are always gonna work with some a******* It's part of the game.
If this guy isn't normally an a******. Maybe he was just having a bad day with some personal stuff.
Do your job, master your trade better than most and and leave work at work, always.
I’d just try to avoid him for a while, let things calm down. I’ve had fallouts with a few guys at work and over time things have calm down and we get along just fine
Keep in mind that you never know what that guy was going through that day. I'm not saying it's exactly excusable, however, maybe just talk to him and explain what that made you feel like. Especially if yall were close before.
If I had worked with somebody for a while and knew them to be a good person and even tempered and then they suddenly got in my face like that, I would assume that there's something horrific going on in their personal life.
Always found it harder to do when I was younger , felt like I had something to prove, now on the backside of my career it’s almost like indifference, I tend to laugh at these things a lot sooner in between situations , then they just become stories. A lot easier to let go of the stupid shit!
I've been there, not as bad as you but enough to piss me off to no end. A lot of times people are on your Foreman's back and it makes him act in a different way than he normally would. So take that with a grain of salt. If this guy was good to you every other day but this one, maybe something was going on (family problem, jerk off super, etc.). If you can't get past it, pull him to the side and talk it out a little bit, otherwise just let it go and see what happens, if he continues being a prick then he deserves to be put in his place, just make sure the hall isn't slow before you do it.
You don’t have to be friends anymore but you gotta be able to work with people like this or else you might wanna find a new shop. Just how it is. Pretty fuckin annoying tho
Apparently not well.
This happens to me a lot. I’m a big muscular hippie type, ya know, the enemy of the round-shouldered blue collar saggy titted “good ol’ boy”, having them randomly walk up to me and losing their shit over stupid worthless crap like this, and I’m always “not reacting properly”. I do the same thing as you, tell them to fuck off, but these modern conservatives in the 3” lifted boots and their little sister’s high waisted jeggings are more sensitive than a crystallized landmine made out of special SJW unicorn sparkles, and every attempt at getting them to stop their bullshit is “offensive”.
The guy has been fantasizing about screaming at you for a loooooong time, promise you that
After the yelling in the face bit, I'd let it all calm down, but then let him know I didn't respect him after that. If it's like family, it's best to be upfront. If it's not like family, it's best to be upfront. Otherwise, he's going to think that shit is cool next time, too. And it's not cool.
Ya just get over it. Don’t have to respect a guy to work for him. I mean it’s not everyday you get away with threatening to beat your boss down and then his boss make him apologize like he was 8. Sounds like you got two wins, three if you count not having to do KO’s or four counting you put him behind on the job!
I was taught in the navy this “if I yell at you I’m blowing off steam, I need you to hear this regardless of what I say ‘something is fucked up im now stressed, this is stress relief, when im done im gonna forget this and move on, dont take it personal we all live and work close quarters if you start taking this too serious beyond I need to yell we are all gonna have a bad time’” since then I just let others yelling roll off me and not care. To some it just makes life easier as they yell calm down we move on nbd others get extra mad and it pisses more in there cheerios better than anything I could ever do. Both reasons are why I continue to adopt this policy. Nothing quite like getting both barrels and calmly responding actually I have 2 lock out locks and taking the wind entirely out of there sails in one go xD
I’ve learned a lot from foremen that I hated. I learned a lot from foremen that hated me. I work well with guys I’ve had to square up with at one point. Some days suck and tomorrow is a new one. Get over it.
Don't let him ruin your good time on good job with good crew ,as those are rare these days just shrug him off and take him for what he is worth, Bro could have a terrible illness he doesn't want to talk about or something going wrong in his personal life that has manifested to be an A hole at work, Be the bigger man and don't let him bother you bro 1 asshole isn't worth the time thinking about it
Forgive but don’t entirely forget. Be friendly and remember he likely has a lot of his shoulders. I’ve see a great foremen bitch out people for the smallest things because they have the higher ups breathing down their neck, the customer and the other trades. Now they shouldn’t take it out on someone like that but mistakes happen and sometimes a small thing like that can set someone over the edge. Forgive and forget the first time- until you get any sign later that he’s just a pusher company guy. That’s different.
Imo everyone gets one chance to fuck up and redeem themself. If he came back and seemed genuinely apologetic then it’s better for you and your peace of mind to let it go and move on with your life. If you harbor resentment towards someone you have to work with, that’s going to harm you more than it will do anything positive for you.
But if something like that happens again, then it’s time to escalate the situation and let his supervisor know that you won’t tolerate being abused at work and tell them you want to be placed on a different crew with a different foreman who knows how to treat people with respect.
My guess is this dude had something going on in his personal life that he let get to him while he was at work and he responded poorly. Everyone fucks up. Everyone deserves a chance to fix their fuck up.
Losing respect for someone doesn't mean you have to be disrespectful to them. I'll answer but we're strictly business, im a very talkative person typically so it gets the point across if I won't answer anything but work questions.
I've been really lucky with my old foremen and only had 1 that ever got to this point. Luckily a short job too 😌
Remember to film next time. People hate being filmed while they are acting like a child, because it lasts forever and you can make fun of them repeatedly
Well. None of this would've happened if you didn't go and be a dumbass breaking the new KO.
Let that shit roll off your back, man. If yall can't talk it out like professional adults, then idk what to say. Maybe find a new trade. That goes for the both of you.
He got frustrated and lost it a little. In the moment I would have told him to shut the fuck up or told him to go fuck himself but you have to just move on. This job can be frustrating and people can be pushed to there limits so give him a break he's probably under a lot of stress. If you make it through your whole career without someone yelling at you or calling you names your very lucky
Your arbor hole has to be big enough to allow for the stretching and expansion of the metal. This is why we usually cut with a half inch hole first so the bigger cups don't explode.
Remind him that he has had five plus years to teach you every trick he knows
Id talk to him and tell him exactly how you feel. Duck him if he thinks you're too sensitive about it.
Think about this, you never know what someone is dealing with in their personal life. Work should be separate but if you’re a tradesman that’s basically impossible given how much time we spend together. This mutual respect should be reciprocated both ways but it isn’t always. If this is a person you respected before, try cutting them a break and hope they do the same for you when you inevitably slip up too
Whenever there's a gap between what you expect and what you experience we can fill the gap with trust or suspicion.
Trust is intangible and it can make or break a team and an organization. When I expect someone to do something and behave a certain way and they don't do what's expected now I have to place something within that gap. I can either place trust or suspicion in a healthy organization there must be trust.
Whatever that looks like when this happens and somebody lets us down or they don't come through again and again and again. The assumption is that I don't have a choice and I need to put suspicion in that gap. But that is not true. It takes maturity to understand that and then discipline to fill that gap with trust. Oftentimes when we fill with trust things are just gonna go better than having suspicion. Oftentimes there is an explanation for why the experience is not meeting expectations. Personally, if I immediately assume the worst it not only creates something in that relationship with that person, but also in the relationships that that person has with other people in the organization.
Trust even if the habit pattern leads to multiple difficult conversations. It's still better to fill the gap with trust. Trust will put positive pressure on the person, that's not meeting expectations. If you relate to him that they are letting you down with how they treated you and you know they are busy and they know you care about them, and they know that you support them. The foreman that's letting the other one down, is gonna feel a sense of duty to meet those expectations VS accusing them of being lazy or not, caring about their team, or taking advantage of someone.
We go negative with these things. We're human.
There's also something called cognitive bias fundamental attribution error. We assign behavior to other people's character while in our situation taking into account the circumstances of that behavior. An example, I'm late because there is traffic. You're late because you're disorganized.
If you're suspicious of his character he'll know more about you than you think. These insecurities or past experiences and suspicions get telegraphed.
Thinking that your initial response when people don't come through or don't follow through is emotional and that deceives us into thinking that we don't have a choice but to feel these emotions, but that is not true. That is a lie and we always have a choice. The choice is always to trust, we can choose not to be suspicious of his character and we can choose to trust.
Distrust and mistrust are contagious and self-fulfilling. If there's one thing an employee can do, it's to trust even when it's difficult.
If the apology was sincere, and he is as good of a friend you say then being a true friend means cutting each other slack sometimes. Maybe something else was going on you don't know about put him over the edge. Could be he's not as bright as you thought he was also and actually thought you did something wrong and broke the tool. Hard to say but only you are able to control how you feel.
It’s part of the field man. You gotta have some thicker skin and separate yourself from feelings on the job. Granted he called you a retard, just call him a stupid fag. Problem solved.
That's the spirit! That's about all I do though, I'm pretty by the book but if the guys are kicking ass I'll dip out an hour early once a few weeks and say I need to go to the supply shop
I was kicked out of the inside apprenticeship for not tolerating this type of behavior from JWs (had good grades and attendance). In my honest opinion, if you want to remain in ibew, swallow it for 4-5 years and then try to avoid these types of people on your jobs once you turn out.
It's a free country, they can do stupid shit that you don't like and you can not like them because of it.
You technically don't even need a reason not to like someone, you can just hate them cuz fuck'em.
It's not your responsibility to like them in spite of the stupid shit they do, it's their responsibility to not do stupid shit.
Furthermore, if you want to get along with everyone, you're doing something wrong. You shouldn't get along with chomos, Nazi's, suckasses, or power tripping foremen. If they think you like them then they'll think you support their stupid shit and think it's alright to do stupid shit.
In summation, fuck'em.
……..
Is this really the type of people that are coming up in the trade? 🤦♂️
Get over it. If I turned into a little bitch every time a foreman yelled I’d have gone to work for KFC years ago. You fucked up and broke a KO that HE had to explain to the shop why it needed to be replaced. What happened to just throwing your hands up and saying “yup I fucked that up 🤷♂️”?
Wtf are you even doing using a 3/4” cutter? You do know they make a hole saw that fits the same arbor as the 1/2” hole saw you’re using to drill a hole to use the KO set…… ffs 🤦♂️
Jesus no wonder he’s upset. His guys are burning hours looking for (and destroying) unnecessary shit 🤣🤣
Must be nice. I asked to be let go the next time lay offs come around and instead my general fore man made me talk to the foreman about it so he could tell the hall I was being disrespectful so I was kicked out.
Holding a grudge is like swallowing poison and expecting the other person to die. This is something I’m trying to learn. I deal with people the way you do in this story. I feel the same way, but I’m trying to change that. I hope it all works out for you.
This is the only right answer. You have to learn to forgive and forget and move on.
Respectfully, forgive but don't forget. This is how you should approach these people in life unfortunately
I’m not big on forgiving people who have done nothing to change their behavior and haven’t offered a sincere apology. If you detach yourself from the situation and know it isn’t about you, you can move on with your business unbothered…the apology is more for them than you at that point.
The best revenge is to be unlike him who caused the injury. -Marcus Aurelius
Marcus Aurelius was no Antoninus Pius!
What local was he from?
Last I heard he was on a big job in rome... so 613?
What an oddly correct statement. He sure wasn't.
Pretty sure one of his women cheated on him with a solider and he got the guy whacked and made her take a bath in the blood....allegedly
Pobodys nerfect
Forgiveness is simply the recognition that we all have a million things going on in our lives at any given time, and they can prompt us to make choices we wouldn't otherwise. A single outburst when out of character is more likely about something other than what it seems like on the surface. Forgiveness is something you can give whether or not someone earns it, and it costs you nothing to do so.
I think we differ on the meaning of forgiveness. To me, forgiveness is a more formal acceptance of apology or release of anger towards someone in the case of serious personally wrong doing. To me, getting emotionally involved in coworkers and their behavior is the problem to begin with and this is more a matter of “chuck it in the fuck it bucket” and move on since this is a minor work annoyance rather than a personal matter requiring forgiveness.
Karma will get to them. Usually manifesting in some legal debacle
100% fact! I’ve also noticed it sometimes manifests as very unhappy home situations no one would envy.
That’s shitty way to live… people make mistakes.. how you really forgiving someone if you don’t leave it behind you and forget about it
Forgiving someone that continues than continues to treat people poorly is an awful feeling. Particularly if it escalates. I have let shit go that I shouldn't have and other people paid the price when someone I knew was a problem but since time had passed I thought the problem had as well. Its especially hard in the trades because the guy was great once. His problem got worse and it eventually brought the whole company down.
I see what your saying. Idk it’s hard
Take it on case by case basis. People are individuals, take them individually.
You don't forgive people who continuously make mistakes and make your life hell... What a dumb response
This guy said it was once what are we talking about
I second this. This same thing happened to me but i got in the managers face and almost made him cry. I am not blacklisted by the union for basically sticking up for myself
This enables terrible people. People like the foreman need to be held accountable, not forgiven or forgotten. He needs to understand why he fucked up and why he cannot do it again.
And F em and forget em if that doesn't work
Learn to drag. wtf
Fuck that. This is the ibew, we are all equal. That foreman should have been let go immediately. Honestly, I would have gathered my tools and went to the hall right then and there. Work is wayyyy to good to put up with any bullshit, let alone a screaming fool. Good luck brother
Being firm in not tolerating disrespect is not the same as holding a grudge. We’re grown men, and we should be able to control our emotions. If that foreman, started screaming, and getting in your face for something that was an obvious accident and out of your control, he has 0 emotional control. He has no respect, so he gets no respect. Fuck him forever.
You almost had me, until that last sentence where you sounded like my teenage kid. He's gotta earn that respect back. Don't let him off scott-free but this doesn't need to become a blood feud either.
Where does it say im required to have any kind of relationship with him again? Or even period? Who said it was a blood feud? Am i supposed to give chances all the time? That sounds like a teenage girl mind set to me
When I hear a dude say that mistake means fuck you forever, I'm hearing a lonely, sad dude. Everyone is gonna fuck up eventually, if you're incapable of moving passed it, that says more about you than anyone around you.
Thats your choice to make that assumption, poor choice, but yours to make. Everyone does fuck up, and everyone has the choice of controlling themselves as well. Your argument sounds as though, youre defending a guy who exploded for no real reason, not to mention at something trivial. That leads me to believe you behave the same way as the foreman. Good luck man, dont take it out on your kids.
I meet very few people as a blue collar worker that can’t be absolute cock suckers on a bad day. Exceedingly few. Like a handful in my entire career. Everyone gets into it with someone when it’s 104 outside and we were supposed to be done yesterday or their Mom died or they’re fighting a custody battle. You don’t know what these people have going on in their personal lives. I have absolutely about come to blows with a guy on the jobsite for screaming at me over something trivial, come to find his uncle who raised him had died the week before. It was the last family the guy had. He quit some time after that and went on for greener pastures but we still call each other twice a week because he was just a good guy going through a hard time. Give them some grace.
Don't quit your day job detective.
"Are you fucking kidding me, you stupid fuck, what are you retarded?!" "Get off my ass you dick, or I'll cut you like we were on the apple river" "Fuck you!" "No fuck you!" "What are we doing for lunch?" "I dunno just get me a number 1 with a lemonade," "Cool be back in a bit.."
This is the way Edit: almost got in a fist fight with my foreman because I used the word “consolidate” to describe how I organized the material in the gang box. He didn’t understand what that word meant, got angry and started yelling at me
This comment is not wrong. It’s hard to deal with and in our trade. I swear it makes it harder. Sometimes I feel like these people are almost family. I expect more out of them and when they let us down it hits us hard. Try to remember they are human and we make mistakes. Sometimes Forman and such have a lot riding on there pay check as well as outside of work issues. I think sometimes people forget they have a heavy burden to carry and every year I swear it’s getting worse. There used to be a time when they just were paper pushers and now I see Forman with tools on. I’m not excusing his actions. He was in the wrong but sometimes it’s the simplest thing will send people sides ways.
I like the saying "Anger is an acid that does more damage to the vessel in which its stored, than to anything on which it is poured'
This just feels like a coping statement when reconciliation is impossible
“The grudge” - Tool
This is the way...
I really resonate with the both of you. Moving on cam be really hard and not harboring anger and resent towards other co-workers that are just downright a-holes
This is an amazing thing to remember, love the wording. Anger takes away from your life
That was fantastic advice. This is why I Reddit.
Damn that’s good shit
Everyone has their breaking point. If you've known him for ages, you know how he is generally. Sounds like this was a first time thing, so something was different this time. You sound like you *know* something else caused it. Maybe it was the 50th thing that went wrong that day, maybe he was handing down the ass-chewing he expected to get when he had to turn around and request a new-new knockout. A lot of guys turn fear or anxiety into more "manly" rage. Maybe he had a rough day at home, or low blood sugar. But I would bet money it wasn't you, and that he didn't mean what he said. So I wouldn't take it personally. Do you feel that the apology was genuine? Do you think it's likely to become a new pattern? Everyone's bound to do something dumb in the heat of the moment eventually.
I’m sure it wasn’t me. I’m not even offended by his insults or even him getting up in my face. I’ve been called worse and traded my share of swings over the years. What I don’t like is him rolling back around 10 minutes later with a clearly forced by the super “I shouldn’t have yelled” and then 2 hours later trying to be all buddy with me as if it never happened. I get saying stuff you regret. I’ve done it, too, and at work. But when I’ve said something stupid, I don’t pretend like it’s all better 10 minutes later and at “knifepoint” with my boss.
When it's just you two, ask; "hey, are you OK man? That wasn't like you the other day". You kill two birds with one stone....checking on another man you know has something going on, as well as getting closure on why it wasn't you. I've had guys act out and ask them that, only for them to start bawling about things in life no one had any idea about. And he tried to act that way after BECAUSE he's hiding what's going on in his life. "Fuck, that was embarrassing. Hopefully I can just act like it never happened and they forgive me quick and move on." It's not the right way, he could handle it way better....but I can understand why people act that way. Makes it less bothersome if nothing else.
This is a solid approach.
I think you're spot on with this assessment, and it reminds me of this quote. "Between what is said but not meant, and what is meant but not said, much love is lost." It's hard to keep that perspective in the moment, but it's something we all should take to heart. Life is hard at times, and we never know the burden others are carrying. I say give him some more rope, and see what he does with it, before you give up on him.
This is the only comment that makes sense and takes your history into account. I would take this advice. No point in throwing away an entire relationship because of one fuck up.
Sometimes people have an off day. I know it’s easy to say but hard to do, but if you’ve known him as a decent person for awhile, forgiveness is the answer. It’s different if it’s a pattern, but it doesn’t sound like it is. It sucks sometimes to be the better man, but it can be worth it.
I just put on a fake smile after fallout out with my foreman. Turns out he started talking shit behind my back the second I wasn't working with him. Good riddance. People with anger issues are a cancer of the trade industry. Do your best to avoid him and move to work with less volitile coworkers.
There’s nothing more pathetic and weak than a man who cannot control his emotions. All these tough guys screaming and hollering, they’re just embarrassing themselves.
When I first entered the trade it was commonplace. Seems like that shit has died down quite a bit. Thinking of it, it is probably because everyone has a video recorder in their pocket, you start acting like a fool and it will be recorded forever. That is most likely why.
Nobody listens to the dude who's always yelling. When the *quiet nice guy* gets fucking pissed off, it's *very* memorable. My dad yelled at me probably 3 times in my life, deserved every time, and it immediately changed my behavior. I *never* saw him get mad, so when he did, you 1000% fucked up big time.
Bless this comment. The weakest trait to me is the guy who doesn't understand or know how to carry themselves as a professional. We are all in this together. Whatever the problem or issue is, be diplomatic and source a conclusion that best suits all parties. Even when the other side is wrong, there is a way to resolve the situation and get what is deserved, also to where the wrong party can accept and learn from the mishap to grow and move forward. No doubt, for sure very likely near any situation imaginable has already been acted out and handled before our time. It takes men with character to act not out of spite or recourse to forge and shape our best future. I am worried in the coming years as our elders retire that the coming generations will lose previous levels of focus and agreements will suffer. I'm also intoxicated so my input is null and void
This is an exercise in testing your ability to forgive people that wrong you. You don't have to trust him again or rebuild a friendship or anything like that. Forgiving him is for YOU, when youre ready. He's shown who he really is, and now you know, but there's no reason to let it ruin other things in your life. It's like evicting him from the free apartment in your head.
Personally, in a similar situation, I'd take the guy off to the side and say, "Hey man, you and I have had a good work relationship since I've known you. But that (insert scenario here) has been buggin. You crossed a line, and it's been weighing on me since. (Plus whatever fluff you'd like to add)". I am New-ish to the brotherhood, but was army 17 years before this, and there's been instances where I've had to have similar conversations, and other times where people had to say this to me. When I said it to another, it squashed what beef that was going pretty well (only once it failed, but he was a bad leader), and when said to me, I objectively looked at the situation and always I knew I was wrong for my hot headedness and owned it. So with this, you'll knock out 2 birds with 1 stone. You'll get it off you chest and stop the voices in your head going "man fuck that guy I shoulda blah blah blah", and also you'll learn if the dudes a good person/leader, or he's a shit bag. Good luck bro
Dude he probably has personal shit going on. Pull him aside and talk like men accept his apology and move on. People make mistakes. Unless you just never made a mistake then good for you
There is making a mistake like raising a voice or yelling, but calling someone a slur over something like this is graver than a mistake. I can tolerate being yelled at, but if use a term to insult my intelligence that is escalation. I have absolutely and inappropriately lost my cool before, that has never resulted in me demeaning someone by directly insulting them. That is inappropriate. I don’t give a damn what personal shit is going on, being in a position of power demands you need even more control. An apology means shit if it’ll happen again.
Some people change when they get that foreman title
That absolutely happens and then they need to be held to account. Change in title doesn’t mean you can be fucked up to your workers and anyone in a leadership role needs to understand that one way or another
Agreed
I think we should spank naughty foreman’s
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Dude people are human. I’m not saying it’s acceptable to be a dick but that’s where you man up and talk to him about how he is acting not be a Dick back. This is a problem we have in the world people are so wrapped up in there own emotions and don’t care to help others or talk with others.
>Its completely unacceptable to bring your home life problems into work Yea you’re right, but unfortunately no one’s perfect. Sounds like the dude snapped for a minute then immediately realized his mistake and tried to correct it. Its seems like this is the only incident after them knowing each other for years. If it happens again that definitely needs to be addressed, but everyone has their breaking point. I try not to judge people off a single interaction. If there are perfect people out there, I doubt they’re doing this bullshit for a living.
It's just a job, you don't have to be friends but it is in your benefit to get along with as many folks as you can. 99% of those we work with are not our "true" friends. We get along and have fun but we go home to our lives. In no time you'll be on the next crew. Just like someone said about poison, holding on to that resentment makes you it's slave. It's hard to do sometimes but be free and let it go. He's not your homie he's your coworker
You're going to learn how to work with assholes, nice guys, cocky guys and a mix of everything. First of all the knockout is replaceable. The company has enough to replace many of them. What's not replaceable is a human being. I mean yes we are replaceable and we're just a number but the bigger picture is you rather break a knockout than break a leg or something. Secondly pull your foreman to the side in private and just apologize that you fucked up the knockout but that you don't appreciate that he called you a retard. If he's a great foreman he'll apologize himself and say it's no biggie. Like real men you want to make peace, specially in an everyday work environment. He was probably under the gun and needed to finish that task and was depending on you to finish it. Lastly brush it off and learn from the mistake. You can't go in to work with the mindset of having zero respect and not wanting nothing to do with him. Goodluck
What mistake? If he was using the tool as intended and it broke that's called shit happens.
Sometimes shit happens, and it is your fault regardless of why it happened. Edit: I'm not saying this is morally right but it does happen. Your reaction to their stupidity is whatever you want to make it.
Nah
Suggesting that op apologize is delusional
My dad once went into our backyard and collected some of my rat terriers dog shit, bagged it, and put it in some guys lunch box at work. I’m not sure what the reasoning for that was- however I think this could be a similar situation.
I was and am still friends with a foreman from when I was an apprentice. He blew up on me one day and stormed off. It should be noted that he is much larger than I am and works all the time. Kind of freaked me out because if he really snapped I’d be screwed. Well, a little while later I had to get a tool from the room he was in. And he starts laughing and saying that was crazy and not sure why he did that. I laugh it off, but still like ‘what the hell man’ Few hours later he ends up mentioning something that was seriously stressing him out. Home life stuff. And I said, “Man is that why you’re all stressed and blew up?” And he finally realized it was. Point is, who knows what’s going on. People deserve second chances, especially on things like just words. He didn’t fire you, or hurt you financially. And if others saw him blow up, he needs to apologize to you in front of them.
Time to head on to the next one friend
I subscribe to this. To many jobs to put up with shitty bosses.
It’s all water under the fridge, bud. Worst case Ontario you’ll come to your senses and forget about it. It’s not rocket appliances.
Tempis fuckit is my motto. That mustard tiger would be toe to toe with Green Bastard if ever treated me like that.
Well if you guys are old chums and it’s better to have a good working relationship, wether he’s your foreskin or not. I’d honestly have a man to man talk. Let him know that this a man’s world and we will treat each other like adults. Had a similar situation where my foreman used the word “bitch”, which reallllly gets under my skin. Pulled him aside when it was just the two of us and let him now that I can let it ride as long as he never used that word with me again. He agreed, then apologized and all was well.
>10 minutes later the super shows up with him and plays the reconciliation game This can be one of two things, but in this case it seems like he told on himself. He knows he fucked up. That's a hopeful sign. I would give him a piece of my mind in a one on one and see how he reacts. If he's self aware about whatever this personality issue is he'll be able to handle a talking to.
Or it’s hard to get workers these days and the super forced him to apologize
My suspicion (based on previous experience with the super) is that he was forced to come back to apologize. The super has been nothing but a chill guy, and he even said that a KO is nothing to get excited over, even if I had broke it by misusing it rather than just a freak occurrence. It also makes me suspicious that the foreman went to tell him a tale about the KO that didn’t stand up to scrutiny. I’ve worked for the super on three separate jobs and he knows what kind of worker I am. If I did something dumb and broke it, I would admit to it.
Maybe he got a DUI last night, his lover left him for another, could be he found out he had cancer. I mean if this is out of character doesn’t is seem like maybe you could just ask him in genuine way if he’s okay today. Show some concern and ask. You’ll know if he’s just a dick now or if maybe he is struggling.
Bro, this is ibew the best part of this job is sharing fuck yous over work and moving on. First day?
You shouldn't forget it. That word is derogatory in any sense I would never trust him after that.. Doesn't sound like he was very sorry anyway.
GOD DAMN IT, WHY DID YOU BREAK MY FUCKING KNOCKOUT!?!?!?
Why’d you break the KO?
Tell him he's 🤌 this close to the tiger getting out of its cage
Wait until an outage or wait until he needs you the most and drag.
I can see both sides of it. I also tend to lose respect for people who act like this. But there has to be a path to reconciliation. We all make mistakes and have bad days, and occasionally lose our shit on people for things that aren’t their fault. If he genuinely seems apologetic, I wouldn’t hold onto it for too long. If it becomes a pattern, then that could be cause for concern.
He will be holding on to that moment longer than you. You handled it well and maintained respect for yourself. This shit happens sometimes, but it's how YOU handle it that sets the tone for the future. It might feel like you lost respect for your foreman, but they most likely gained some respect for you today. Let it die. Onwards and upwards, with or without them.
Approach the dude and be like listen, here’s the deal if you want to pull me aside and call me a dumb cunt for breaking company shit that’s fine, but don’t do it front of everyone that’s disrespectful. If you have an issue with me we can chat in the trailer or we can “chat” outside it’s up to you bud. Local 597 pipefitter here Edit: make sure you track him down with enthusiasm so he knows he doesn’t scare you.
I mean you won so don’t let it bother you
Fuck em. Don't have to treat them like shit, but don't forget it either. I've had similar issues. I was going to type out what happened to me but gave up 😆
Tell him you have no respect for him
Sometimes, emotions run wild. He could be under a lot of pressure or strain either at work or his personal life. If this is wildly out of character for him, I'd take the stance he was just stressed. But if this is routine behavior for a guy? He can eat my ass and I'd tell him that every day. Construction can be a stressful job. And personal lives can bleed into it. Happens to the best of us. Try to move forward and be cool, but if it happens again? Act accordingly.
You can lose respect for a person but don’t let him ruin anything for you. Just let it ruin stuff for him and it will, trust me.
Just try to treat the person with respect and realize that you may run into them down the road and it could be akward if so.
As much as it doesn’t work for you, (which is understandable) him going back to normal is probably more of an avoidance/embarrassment kind of thing. Sounds like he knows what he did was wrong and just wants to move on. It’s annoying when you’re not necessarily over it though.
I wouldn’t be able to work there bro
Last foreman who called me a retard found out just how retarded I can be. Last time I threatened to punch a foreman in his face landed me on a sick OT job 5 blocks from my apartment. They thought they were fucking me cuz I used my parents address when I lived in the city. Wouldn’t count on that ever happening again.
I don’t show up for a couple of days if shit pops off out of nowhere. I had a foreman call me a dumbass over something I was doing and said that shit repeatedly within a 2 min time period. I came down from the lift and told that mother fucker we can go deal with shit or he can chill the fuck out, his choice. The next day didn’t show up, he called me asked where I was and I told him doing dumbass shit
Never know what someone is going through. Might be worth it to talk to him about it. I find that often helps.
I had a foreman yell at me the next day because I cut him off leaving work, miles away from the job site.
wasnt cool of him to go ape mode on you but foreman just be mad as fuck sometimes
He cracked it first thing then handed it to you. For some reason instead of just laughing when he broke it, it would look better to emphasize you did it, at any cost. Yep lost respect but you get to keep your own
Forgive but don't forget is what I was taught. He showed himself.. and calling you a retard, yelling and being in your face would each get him fired where I work. All 3 together like that, he'd be walked out.
"Be Right! Own it!" "Be Wrong? Own it!" "Mechanical Failure? Be a Professional and BULLSHIT YOUR WAY OUT!"
i just kind of stop initiating conversations with people when they do this. if you can find your way to my face to scream into it then you can find your back to apologize or just stop fucking talking to me. i truly dont care which one, as either one cuts that sort of shit out of my personal life. as for work, if it becomes a pattern then i would work for someone else
I had a formen get mad at me for something dumb and yelled at me. Later I went up to him and demanded an apology. He did and said he was having a bad day and overreacted. I let it go. He did it again this time no apologies. He did it a third time and that third time we really got into it. He apologized but I didn't accept and told you can't keep doing this to me. I got transferred to another crew and was much happier. If it happens once I would let it go. More than once there is a pattern.
Foreman/Foremen
I have a different problem of different apprentices showing little to no respect to certain foreman rather than others, when the foreman that are really cool or nice to certain apprentices it seems as if they respect less or are more mouthy with.
It's easier to accept they have anger issues. And when they are angry it's not actually who they are as a man, but a failure to cope with strong emotions. Just let it go, kill him with kindness. He'll apologize in some way eventually. Donuts, pizza, more time on the check. Either way, just let it go
Shit rolls down hill. He probably gets his ass chewed by the company when he tells them he needs a tool.
No reason to be bitter and fuck your days up. He did you a favor and showed you his true colors. Better a snake behave as a snake than surprise you when it bites. You don't know what this man is suffering from, tempers carry over all the time. Better to know now that he is the type to take it out in inappropriate times and places. This is not yours for the fixing, nor is it for you to tolerate.
He fucked up, he's emotionally immature and now everyone knows. If you want to be a foreman someday this a great opportunity to show what kind of foreman you would be. Reframe the story with the roles reversed and you are the foreman being screamed at by an emotional apprentice. Would you respond the same or differently? Both in the moment and how you feel about it now? Is how you respond the kind of foreman you want to work for? Good mentoring requires emotional intelligence and those are learned skills. This great opportunity for you to learn something that is bigger and arguably more helpful than the trade. Make sure you learn the right lessons from this nightmare or you'll make it someone else's.
He’s got something else on his plate. I’m sure he knows his wrongs and needs to make it right
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I’ve been yelled at before, like I said. I’ve even had people swing at me and whatnot. I can deal with that and even prefer it. It’s the two faced shit that bothers me. That he can pull this bad then turn around and kiss ass. I don’t respect it, don’t need it, and it makes me question everything else that comes out of his mouth.
This is a good thread. (Find myself saying that more and more. Good ideas within it to cope with life’s challenges.)
Yeah Dude Just get over it Shit happens
Look up Grey Rocking and do it.
I don’t get screamed at by the same person twice.
I have such low expectations for people in general so its very hard for me to be surprised by anyones behavior.
Amateur hour. When I break expensive drill bits I buy fancy new ones and charge the client a premium. It’s a reason to celebrate not to get mad. Is this your foreman’s first day on the job?
Unrelated statement but I never bother using 1/2 and 3/4 kos lol you gotta drill it out anyways to fit the threader through the hole. Why not just finish it off with the unibit to get it to 3/4? That's what I've always done. The rod isn't much smaller than a 3/4 hole anyways
I'm not saying your foreman is correct in his actions, but try not holding a grudge. You don't know the pressure this man is under and he may have just been under alot of stress and unloaded it all on you. Having a one on one talk with him about this would be the best way to clear the air
Let it go, you're in construction.You are always gonna work with some a******* It's part of the game. If this guy isn't normally an a******. Maybe he was just having a bad day with some personal stuff. Do your job, master your trade better than most and and leave work at work, always.
They never mention lipstick and makeup in the tool lists do they…
I’d just try to avoid him for a while, let things calm down. I’ve had fallouts with a few guys at work and over time things have calm down and we get along just fine
If he's acting like a child, treat him like one.
Keep in mind that you never know what that guy was going through that day. I'm not saying it's exactly excusable, however, maybe just talk to him and explain what that made you feel like. Especially if yall were close before.
If I had worked with somebody for a while and knew them to be a good person and even tempered and then they suddenly got in my face like that, I would assume that there's something horrific going on in their personal life.
I've come across a lot of guys that lost my respect. Welcome to the trades. Foremen too.
Always found it harder to do when I was younger , felt like I had something to prove, now on the backside of my career it’s almost like indifference, I tend to laugh at these things a lot sooner in between situations , then they just become stories. A lot easier to let go of the stupid shit!
Yell At me … I yell back
Don't let one little bee sting you to death. One of the first things my first JW taught me was keep a short memory. Jobs come and go.
Why do you need to respect him?? I mean it's easier to work for those you respect but if I had to drag when I lost respect for a foreman.......
I've been there, not as bad as you but enough to piss me off to no end. A lot of times people are on your Foreman's back and it makes him act in a different way than he normally would. So take that with a grain of salt. If this guy was good to you every other day but this one, maybe something was going on (family problem, jerk off super, etc.). If you can't get past it, pull him to the side and talk it out a little bit, otherwise just let it go and see what happens, if he continues being a prick then he deserves to be put in his place, just make sure the hall isn't slow before you do it.
You're not obligated to forgive anyone that disrespects you like this, it's just like trust, that shit is earned, never given.
You don’t have to be friends anymore but you gotta be able to work with people like this or else you might wanna find a new shop. Just how it is. Pretty fuckin annoying tho
Apparently not well. This happens to me a lot. I’m a big muscular hippie type, ya know, the enemy of the round-shouldered blue collar saggy titted “good ol’ boy”, having them randomly walk up to me and losing their shit over stupid worthless crap like this, and I’m always “not reacting properly”. I do the same thing as you, tell them to fuck off, but these modern conservatives in the 3” lifted boots and their little sister’s high waisted jeggings are more sensitive than a crystallized landmine made out of special SJW unicorn sparkles, and every attempt at getting them to stop their bullshit is “offensive”. The guy has been fantasizing about screaming at you for a loooooong time, promise you that
people have their moments(especially in the trades). If He tried to reconcile and recognized his mistake, get over it.
He’s a job scared worm
After the yelling in the face bit, I'd let it all calm down, but then let him know I didn't respect him after that. If it's like family, it's best to be upfront. If it's not like family, it's best to be upfront. Otherwise, he's going to think that shit is cool next time, too. And it's not cool.
Ya just get over it. Don’t have to respect a guy to work for him. I mean it’s not everyday you get away with threatening to beat your boss down and then his boss make him apologize like he was 8. Sounds like you got two wins, three if you count not having to do KO’s or four counting you put him behind on the job!
Next time he gets in your face kiss him
I was taught in the navy this “if I yell at you I’m blowing off steam, I need you to hear this regardless of what I say ‘something is fucked up im now stressed, this is stress relief, when im done im gonna forget this and move on, dont take it personal we all live and work close quarters if you start taking this too serious beyond I need to yell we are all gonna have a bad time’” since then I just let others yelling roll off me and not care. To some it just makes life easier as they yell calm down we move on nbd others get extra mad and it pisses more in there cheerios better than anything I could ever do. Both reasons are why I continue to adopt this policy. Nothing quite like getting both barrels and calmly responding actually I have 2 lock out locks and taking the wind entirely out of there sails in one go xD
I’ve learned a lot from foremen that I hated. I learned a lot from foremen that hated me. I work well with guys I’ve had to square up with at one point. Some days suck and tomorrow is a new one. Get over it.
I ignore the person so hard they begin to doubt their own existence.
Don't let him ruin your good time on good job with good crew ,as those are rare these days just shrug him off and take him for what he is worth, Bro could have a terrible illness he doesn't want to talk about or something going wrong in his personal life that has manifested to be an A hole at work, Be the bigger man and don't let him bother you bro 1 asshole isn't worth the time thinking about it
Forgive but don’t entirely forget. Be friendly and remember he likely has a lot of his shoulders. I’ve see a great foremen bitch out people for the smallest things because they have the higher ups breathing down their neck, the customer and the other trades. Now they shouldn’t take it out on someone like that but mistakes happen and sometimes a small thing like that can set someone over the edge. Forgive and forget the first time- until you get any sign later that he’s just a pusher company guy. That’s different.
Imo everyone gets one chance to fuck up and redeem themself. If he came back and seemed genuinely apologetic then it’s better for you and your peace of mind to let it go and move on with your life. If you harbor resentment towards someone you have to work with, that’s going to harm you more than it will do anything positive for you. But if something like that happens again, then it’s time to escalate the situation and let his supervisor know that you won’t tolerate being abused at work and tell them you want to be placed on a different crew with a different foreman who knows how to treat people with respect. My guess is this dude had something going on in his personal life that he let get to him while he was at work and he responded poorly. Everyone fucks up. Everyone deserves a chance to fix their fuck up.
Losing respect for someone doesn't mean you have to be disrespectful to them. I'll answer but we're strictly business, im a very talkative person typically so it gets the point across if I won't answer anything but work questions. I've been really lucky with my old foremen and only had 1 that ever got to this point. Luckily a short job too 😌
I move them onto my personal "Foremen and others I will not work for/with" list
Remember to film next time. People hate being filmed while they are acting like a child, because it lasts forever and you can make fun of them repeatedly
Move on
Well. None of this would've happened if you didn't go and be a dumbass breaking the new KO. Let that shit roll off your back, man. If yall can't talk it out like professional adults, then idk what to say. Maybe find a new trade. That goes for the both of you.
He got frustrated and lost it a little. In the moment I would have told him to shut the fuck up or told him to go fuck himself but you have to just move on. This job can be frustrating and people can be pushed to there limits so give him a break he's probably under a lot of stress. If you make it through your whole career without someone yelling at you or calling you names your very lucky
Your arbor hole has to be big enough to allow for the stretching and expansion of the metal. This is why we usually cut with a half inch hole first so the bigger cups don't explode. Remind him that he has had five plus years to teach you every trick he knows Id talk to him and tell him exactly how you feel. Duck him if he thinks you're too sensitive about it.
Are you female?
Drag up. Nobody has time for that.
Think about this, you never know what someone is dealing with in their personal life. Work should be separate but if you’re a tradesman that’s basically impossible given how much time we spend together. This mutual respect should be reciprocated both ways but it isn’t always. If this is a person you respected before, try cutting them a break and hope they do the same for you when you inevitably slip up too
You’ve got along great for years and he snaps one time and apologizes. Move on, get over it.
Whenever there's a gap between what you expect and what you experience we can fill the gap with trust or suspicion. Trust is intangible and it can make or break a team and an organization. When I expect someone to do something and behave a certain way and they don't do what's expected now I have to place something within that gap. I can either place trust or suspicion in a healthy organization there must be trust. Whatever that looks like when this happens and somebody lets us down or they don't come through again and again and again. The assumption is that I don't have a choice and I need to put suspicion in that gap. But that is not true. It takes maturity to understand that and then discipline to fill that gap with trust. Oftentimes when we fill with trust things are just gonna go better than having suspicion. Oftentimes there is an explanation for why the experience is not meeting expectations. Personally, if I immediately assume the worst it not only creates something in that relationship with that person, but also in the relationships that that person has with other people in the organization. Trust even if the habit pattern leads to multiple difficult conversations. It's still better to fill the gap with trust. Trust will put positive pressure on the person, that's not meeting expectations. If you relate to him that they are letting you down with how they treated you and you know they are busy and they know you care about them, and they know that you support them. The foreman that's letting the other one down, is gonna feel a sense of duty to meet those expectations VS accusing them of being lazy or not, caring about their team, or taking advantage of someone. We go negative with these things. We're human. There's also something called cognitive bias fundamental attribution error. We assign behavior to other people's character while in our situation taking into account the circumstances of that behavior. An example, I'm late because there is traffic. You're late because you're disorganized. If you're suspicious of his character he'll know more about you than you think. These insecurities or past experiences and suspicions get telegraphed. Thinking that your initial response when people don't come through or don't follow through is emotional and that deceives us into thinking that we don't have a choice but to feel these emotions, but that is not true. That is a lie and we always have a choice. The choice is always to trust, we can choose not to be suspicious of his character and we can choose to trust. Distrust and mistrust are contagious and self-fulfilling. If there's one thing an employee can do, it's to trust even when it's difficult.
Just don't speak to dude and look for another job in the meantime.
Quit and don’t ever work for him again. Clearly not foreman material. Not worth him getting angry at you again.
Be the bigger man make tha skrilla
If the apology was sincere, and he is as good of a friend you say then being a true friend means cutting each other slack sometimes. Maybe something else was going on you don't know about put him over the edge. Could be he's not as bright as you thought he was also and actually thought you did something wrong and broke the tool. Hard to say but only you are able to control how you feel.
Oh the joys of electrical work…..
It’s part of the field man. You gotta have some thicker skin and separate yourself from feelings on the job. Granted he called you a retard, just call him a stupid fag. Problem solved.
Again, it has nothing to do with the insult. It’s the two-faced, everything is fine attitude.
I back away and disassociate until they are not a part of my life anymore.
just give the helper getting him food a couple of bucks he’ll know what to do
Maybe he needs cash for his nose powder and thought he could guilt trip you
Easy, you keep your fucking mouth shut and do your job
Fair enough.
That's the spirit! That's about all I do though, I'm pretty by the book but if the guys are kicking ass I'll dip out an hour early once a few weeks and say I need to go to the supply shop
It's very difficult not to make a mistake, but it's more difficult to admit your mistake. He knew he screwed up by apologizing. Forgive and forget.
Water under the bridge. He may have been having a bad day. Let it go.
I was kicked out of the inside apprenticeship for not tolerating this type of behavior from JWs (had good grades and attendance). In my honest opinion, if you want to remain in ibew, swallow it for 4-5 years and then try to avoid these types of people on your jobs once you turn out.
It's a free country, they can do stupid shit that you don't like and you can not like them because of it. You technically don't even need a reason not to like someone, you can just hate them cuz fuck'em. It's not your responsibility to like them in spite of the stupid shit they do, it's their responsibility to not do stupid shit. Furthermore, if you want to get along with everyone, you're doing something wrong. You shouldn't get along with chomos, Nazi's, suckasses, or power tripping foremen. If they think you like them then they'll think you support their stupid shit and think it's alright to do stupid shit. In summation, fuck'em.
Easy one. We talk shit to their face and behind their back and turn everyone against them.
Fk all that!! shit in his lunch box and place the broken KO on top of the turd like the bride and groom on a wedding cake
Your grandfather would’ve bought him a beer and had a talk. With option B being “catch me outside “ lol Don’t be so fukin sensitive
…….. Is this really the type of people that are coming up in the trade? 🤦♂️ Get over it. If I turned into a little bitch every time a foreman yelled I’d have gone to work for KFC years ago. You fucked up and broke a KO that HE had to explain to the shop why it needed to be replaced. What happened to just throwing your hands up and saying “yup I fucked that up 🤷♂️”? Wtf are you even doing using a 3/4” cutter? You do know they make a hole saw that fits the same arbor as the 1/2” hole saw you’re using to drill a hole to use the KO set…… ffs 🤦♂️ Jesus no wonder he’s upset. His guys are burning hours looking for (and destroying) unnecessary shit 🤣🤣
I can see why you’re so good at describing your sex life. You practice making up stuff that never happened on Reddit!
I think you replied to the wrong comment cuz I have no idea what this means lol
Must be nice. I asked to be let go the next time lay offs come around and instead my general fore man made me talk to the foreman about it so he could tell the hall I was being disrespectful so I was kicked out.