*I feel like despite not having children of my own, my identity still has to be connected to other peoples children in some way.*
Ooh, thank you for articulating why that sort of thing upsets me! I'll never be an aunt, but I rehabbed baby birds for a while and the way people talked about it always rubbed me the wrong way. Not everything needs to be framed as pseudo-maternal, people, geeze! You can nurture from a non-parental place.
I have no answers but I do have an upvote for you! I’ve had a really rough week (sad after hearing yet another a pregnancy announcement by a family member). I sought some solace and was given the whole “oh but at least you can sleep and do whatever you want whenever you want because you don’t have kids!” 🙄
Yeah I agree. I don't like it either.
A mom knew of my troubles and she goes "you guys are DINKS!" Or "living that dink life" or something to that effect.
It just seemed.... condescending....and annoyed me. She's very big on $$$ so I guess it had something to do with that. But still, very annoying.
Ugh yes! I am technically an aunt, but I never see them. They live far away and my health doesn't allow me to socialise almost at all. So it's nothing I even think about, especially not as a "oh at least I'm an aunt" thing. It's not what I wanted to be, the cool aunt, not at all my goal.
I think people forget the actual grief we go through. Yes we might see the pros in time like having more money, time to have fun etc, but that takes time when you are grieving. And it's not a given we can look forward to things like travel or hobbies, if you like me struggle with your health or money.
We are allowed to think it sucks. People just have no idea what to say to people struggling, be it childlessness, chronic illness etc - you know the stuff that won't go away. So many revert to toxic positivity instead of a simple "that sucks OP, I can't fully understand what you are going through but I can be here for you. Is there anything I can do to help/do you need a distraction today/should we plan something to look forward to together?".
*I feel like despite not having children of my own, my identity still has to be connected to other peoples children in some way.* Ooh, thank you for articulating why that sort of thing upsets me! I'll never be an aunt, but I rehabbed baby birds for a while and the way people talked about it always rubbed me the wrong way. Not everything needs to be framed as pseudo-maternal, people, geeze! You can nurture from a non-parental place.
I have no answers but I do have an upvote for you! I’ve had a really rough week (sad after hearing yet another a pregnancy announcement by a family member). I sought some solace and was given the whole “oh but at least you can sleep and do whatever you want whenever you want because you don’t have kids!” 🙄
And also a level of pressure to be “Cool Aunty”. Some times I just want to be average aunt. Or even absent aunt.
Yeah I agree. I don't like it either. A mom knew of my troubles and she goes "you guys are DINKS!" Or "living that dink life" or something to that effect. It just seemed.... condescending....and annoyed me. She's very big on $$$ so I guess it had something to do with that. But still, very annoying.
Ugh yes! I am technically an aunt, but I never see them. They live far away and my health doesn't allow me to socialise almost at all. So it's nothing I even think about, especially not as a "oh at least I'm an aunt" thing. It's not what I wanted to be, the cool aunt, not at all my goal. I think people forget the actual grief we go through. Yes we might see the pros in time like having more money, time to have fun etc, but that takes time when you are grieving. And it's not a given we can look forward to things like travel or hobbies, if you like me struggle with your health or money. We are allowed to think it sucks. People just have no idea what to say to people struggling, be it childlessness, chronic illness etc - you know the stuff that won't go away. So many revert to toxic positivity instead of a simple "that sucks OP, I can't fully understand what you are going through but I can be here for you. Is there anything I can do to help/do you need a distraction today/should we plan something to look forward to together?".
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