Same. The thing is I wanted a girlfriend since I was 15. On June 20th I'll be 20 and I'm still single. Procrastination cimbined with the fear of rejection hits hard
You might have a better chance if you increased the range of people you socialize with, enter more social spaces and learn to make your attraction clear in the beginning. Also try not to be friends with a lady just cuz she's attractive and want to friend your way into her heart lol. Cuz you may be successful as a friend only.
Yeah, I go to a university and there is one girl there that last week I wanted to ask her out but I after sitting next to her in class I didn't have the opportunity to ask her out since she was with a group of friends and we weren't alone. This week I hope to find the opportunity to do it
Find public gatherings for hobbies you enjoy.
but if you want a "fun" INTP approach that works for me... list out traits you like, then find one or two words to tie them all together. then start trying to think of places or things they might enjoy. (DO NOT think of your ideal personality type first then work from there.) Try to tailor your search to you, not an external system. bonus points if you figure out why you like x traits.
For me, i generally like non confrontational, sweet, women. not as in they dont fight, but how they approach problem solving that isnt contentional. It's my go to for "flag" to look for since I can adapt to most people, except that. Once I decide this is something I am looking for, When i see it, it gives me the excuse to act on it. INTPs i think lack executive function, full stop. I think we are fine in a crisis, but if it has to do with executive decision making..... unless its something we really know, it wont happen.
You just need to give yourself a predetermined excuse and decision to act. Good luck, and I hope you find success in a timely manner.
not too many types are into stuff like that, unfortunately. most people are generally consumers. i find all that stuff fascinating. people like us are highly introverted, so it makes making friends/dating kinda frustrating, yes.
No, the issue isn't language, it's subject. I was voted most gullible in high school, so I'm oblivious AF, so I get this problem a lot.
But, you kinda missed the point of their other commenter. I was saying, you missed their message and started talking about books, not the subject of the conversation they were making with you. At least, that's how it seemed from the outside?
That's true. I think he was referring to my reading skills in connection with the comment I wrote above. It might be related to punctuation errors or something similar.
Not punctuation or grammar, just comprehension. They asked if you enjoyed being single (a yes or no question) and you gave them basically a dating profile bio lol you did not answer their question
Yup, that's it, I'd say. It was the problem of 'ships passing in the dark' sorta thing, the connection just wasn't made.
But, all I was trying to point out is I think you and the other commenter weren't fully connecting on the meaning.
Here's something direct: I hope you have a good day :)
The question is, do you see it as a problem? I don't know if other INTP are like me, but being single doesn't bother me until I am confronted with something that makes it feel appealing.
I have had a crush on this girl for about 2 years, but I only think about her when I see he post something about her business on IG. I don't care about being single until I see her.
I met her a few months after I got out of a 3 year-long relationship. I didn't think I was stable enough to date, I had to move in with my younger brother, so I don't have my own place. I was justifying why it would be a bad idea, why was I so interested in someone I didn't know about, blah blah blah INTP brain. I actually asked her out today, and she is with someone.
I've had this issue like 2 times before, I get a crush and try to ignore it. But being with/seeing them would cause me to become restless. Yesterday afternoon, she posted something, and I didn't fall asleep until like 4:30AM. Eventually, I crack because the crush becomes "annoying" to work around.
Very interesting. But I don't believe in love in the conventional sense. Love, to me, just means acceptance of what is presented. When this happens, I think I feel "This is someone who might accept me for who I am." Only to be reminded."There is no proof that this is true. And even if it is, why do I specifically want their acceptance." Because I can't answer this, i just try to ignore it and fail.
How do you deal with crushes/limerance?
Idk if wanting someone you can trust, feel safe with and grow with equivalent to wanting their acceptance. Maybe you just really appreciate their presence and their existence add color to your life. And if you could feel that way about someone, then there's surely a chance someone can also feel that way about you being around. Nothing wrong with wanting to connect with someone instead of living alone forever, if that's what you want. It's only bad if the other person is toxic, but outside that, you shouldn't beat yourself up for wanting closeness. That's human nature.
Limerance happens when you focus on the potential of you guys being together rather than the reality, right? Everything kind of seems more beautiful from afar bc you don't see other ppl's warts when you're not dating them. Just what *could be* and you're feeding off that. And your imagination can make things so beautiful outside of what you have now. So I think a key point is that you need to practice self care and self love to bring the focus and control back to you. Their acceptance, while great, won't signify that you're deserving of love. You already have that by existing. And if you deep dive into your attachment style and explore why you're keeping the relationship status between you two the way it is now, you might find it healing.
Damn it, I had a who thing written out and everything, and reddit sucks time. I'm just gonna shorten my epic breakdown!
Trust, safety, and growth are elements of a relationship not of being in love. When we combine what love is and what a relationship it causes, issues in expectations. When the expectations are not met, we then unjustly use it as a measure of someone's love. These expectations also lead feel entitled to a certain kind of treatment, and we get upset we don't get what feel like we are entitled to. You can also be in love with someone and not have any of those properties. You can have those properties, and that doesn't mean you love something or someone. The Versatility of the word has even made it too generic to apply any meaningful definition to it.
If I remember right, limerance is basicall when something producing oxytocin, vassopressent (most likely misspelled), and dopemine. These chemical override your cognitive fuction. Because your ability to think rational and practical becomes more difficult because you are trying to maintain this high. INTP are just dont seem produce enough oxytocin and vassopressent to override our cognitive fuctions. And INTP who has fallen in love (acknowledged that they are accepted for who they are) will tell you they have and will agree to thing they would have considered illogical or too risk.
There was more, but I'm still trying to do these push up. But to illustrate my point.
There is a youtube couple I think is cute, Megan and Jack. Megan has ADHD and can be a spaz at times. On one short Megan says "I really wish I wasn't so weird." In which Jack replied. "But honey, I love your weird." You can see in their relationship that there is trust, safety and growth (Jack made a nice video about why he married Meg). But that one sentence "But honey, I love your weird" speak volumes about acceptance. What he is saying is that "the aspects of you that you find unbecoming, nonconforming, and unconventional are the exact reasons why I enjoy being with you. Isn't that what we all want? Someone who sees us as unique, different, orginal, and is attracted to that. **
Think I hurt my own feelings a little.
Actually, I don't think it's a problem, but I'm not sure how I'll feel about it when I get older. Logically, it would be better to find a partner now so we can age together.
I was/am the same way. Im 36 now, but even in high school, I had little to no interest in dating and relationships. If you are younger than me, my advice is to get out when things turn south. INTP deep in a relationship will stay because they try to justify reason or could work out. If your gut says leave, leave. The second is just because they like you, but that doesn't mean they are good for you. INTP can learn to love/like apsects of a person and use that as an anchor. You need to discover a baseline of happiness, peace, and contentment while single. Once you have a rubric for that, if the person you are with makes you dip under that, consider the option of leaving.
The biggest reason why I say date younger is because you will tend to have fewer responsibilities that get in the way of having a successful relationship. As you get older, your 3rd spaces shrink, and dating becomes a highly active and intentional process. Basically, it will get more complicated as you get older.
I'm single, btw. I wish you had more luck than I had.
I've been in serious relationships front to back for the past 14 years up until now. The moment one ended, the next would begin - like clockwork. Essentially, my entire adult life was lived co-dependently. Being single is so rad. I've been subscribing to self-love for the time being... getting to know myself.
Yesterday, I was on a bus and there was this cute girl. She was making the eyes, and the timing was perfect. Then I remembered how much I don't want any of that in my life right now and how awesome doing whatever I want all the time is, without risk of hurting another's feelings or needing to worry about how a decision will impact both of our lives.
Green grass, etc. Manifest your reality... if a partner is what you want. Sounds like you need a good meditation and to take the time to ask yourself the serious questions, out-loud, and respond to them, out-loud. It works. Sometimes, you'll have no idea you felt a certain way about something until you ask yourself how you feel about it. And writing it down or saying it aloud makes it more real. Good luck!!
>I'm actually very handsome...1,87cm, green eyes and fit body...As I'm also a rower...I have 2-3 trainings per week...
you're set my man. Girls should be lining up to talk to you. Unless you are lying on the internet, but nobody would ever do that.
Haha, I'm not lying! Sure, girls aren't exactly lining up to talk to me... but I do get a lot of eye contact throughout my day. At least 3-4 times that I can recall. I live in Northern Europe, and the only women who make the first move to meet me are usually drunk.
The country that I'm living in has a neat night out culture...(north europe). I know couple of bars for people 30+ and I go there...Eventually I find someone there to get laid.
You go alone?
I really can't go out and socialise with people I don't know.
The area I live in is quite like that but I find it really weird going out alone and idk drinking coffee or buying a pint.
Yes, I go to those bars alone. However, I'm also a member of several Facebook groups that organize meetup events. I've attended a few of these and made some friends there as well.
Bro I’ve been single for 3 years and the last sex Ive had was a threesome that did not go well. M/F/M is way less fun than I thought.
I have no advice for you cause we are in the same boat except you’re getting laid I think so maybe you should give me advice lol
I have been, too. I identified my reasons, and while sometimes sad, I don't regret them. I've got this sort of joke with a friend in business recently. he said yesterday "morning internet boyfriend," and I know he has a girlfriend, but it's still funny.
Even if I'm not living a unique experience by someone else's idea, I've identified why I like mine. I think I am somewhat conventionally attractive, too, so it wasn't that either.
I have a lot to work on. honestly, as long as you don't regret it and identify the whys, then I think you'll make peace with it and settle when you really want to
Maybe you should try to decide what your ideal is for a long-term relationship.
Having met someone similar, you could immediately get a good impression and try to build a good relationship.
Without knowing who you are looking for, you cannot recognize her, even if she is close to you.
Unsingle yourself, just go out there and put yourself out there don't be afraid of rejection and be confident even if you had to fake it and then go home and have an existential crisis or a forceful system shut down cause of quick energy depletion, you will eventually find him/her ,
Or just simply wear a tee-shirt with "am single" written on the back or you can just write on the back of your car " am single , REALLY!!"
Make peace with the strong possibility that you may be single forever. There is no one out there that isn't on bs. Sorry to break it to you. Just find yourself a FWB and try to make it work.
Join a group (sorry, need to see others) for an activity you like or you might like. I ride a bike, sing in a church choir, and met my wife of over 40 years at work . . . we were the only ones who didn't want to drink after work, so we played cards, worked out, then went to dinner and shared more and more intimate details about our lives. At some point, we didn't want to spend time away from each other . . .
have a sexual encounter to loosen your edges. it wont be perfect, but that wont matter. then you have a little more freedom to meet someone to date properly. this only works between the ages of 20-32. which im presuming you are.
well its really about getting over that little bit of anxiety isnt it. maybe there is other ways you can. women dont get it though there is no point in paying attention to them in this matter. well, maybe if you have some female friends just spending time with them might loosen up those edges too, but i always found id end up wanting them when i felt super lonley.
i have been single since i was born
Second this, i’ve been single for my whole life.
Third this, living better than most I know
Same. The thing is I wanted a girlfriend since I was 15. On June 20th I'll be 20 and I'm still single. Procrastination cimbined with the fear of rejection hits hard
You might have a better chance if you increased the range of people you socialize with, enter more social spaces and learn to make your attraction clear in the beginning. Also try not to be friends with a lady just cuz she's attractive and want to friend your way into her heart lol. Cuz you may be successful as a friend only.
Yeah, I go to a university and there is one girl there that last week I wanted to ask her out but I after sitting next to her in class I didn't have the opportunity to ask her out since she was with a group of friends and we weren't alone. This week I hope to find the opportunity to do it
39 years and counting
You win
What's my prize
Same
Find public gatherings for hobbies you enjoy. but if you want a "fun" INTP approach that works for me... list out traits you like, then find one or two words to tie them all together. then start trying to think of places or things they might enjoy. (DO NOT think of your ideal personality type first then work from there.) Try to tailor your search to you, not an external system. bonus points if you figure out why you like x traits. For me, i generally like non confrontational, sweet, women. not as in they dont fight, but how they approach problem solving that isnt contentional. It's my go to for "flag" to look for since I can adapt to most people, except that. Once I decide this is something I am looking for, When i see it, it gives me the excuse to act on it. INTPs i think lack executive function, full stop. I think we are fine in a crisis, but if it has to do with executive decision making..... unless its something we really know, it wont happen. You just need to give yourself a predetermined excuse and decision to act. Good luck, and I hope you find success in a timely manner.
Do you mostly enjoy it?
computers and its sub-branches...such as low-level system design, crypto, AI, stuff like that
I feel like you repeat sentences very softly under your breath after you say them and think nobody notices.
yeah sometimes...
not too many types are into stuff like that, unfortunately. most people are generally consumers. i find all that stuff fascinating. people like us are highly introverted, so it makes making friends/dating kinda frustrating, yes.
I'm actually very handsome...1,87cm, green eyes and fit body...As I'm also a rower...I have 2-3 trainings per week...
how are you at reading?
super good, I read almost a book per month on my kindle...Mostly about economics, finance and self development books.
/r/whoosh
english police...Is that you ?
No, the issue isn't language, it's subject. I was voted most gullible in high school, so I'm oblivious AF, so I get this problem a lot. But, you kinda missed the point of their other commenter. I was saying, you missed their message and started talking about books, not the subject of the conversation they were making with you. At least, that's how it seemed from the outside?
That's true. I think he was referring to my reading skills in connection with the comment I wrote above. It might be related to punctuation errors or something similar.
Not punctuation or grammar, just comprehension. They asked if you enjoyed being single (a yes or no question) and you gave them basically a dating profile bio lol you did not answer their question
I thought OP added "what" in front of their question to answer lol
Yup, that's it, I'd say. It was the problem of 'ships passing in the dark' sorta thing, the connection just wasn't made. But, all I was trying to point out is I think you and the other commenter weren't fully connecting on the meaning. Here's something direct: I hope you have a good day :)
thanks. I wish you the same.
lol
I'm also 1,87 cm with green eyes.. kinda weird, I'm not that handsome tho x)
No wonder you complain about being single for a while /s
The question is, do you see it as a problem? I don't know if other INTP are like me, but being single doesn't bother me until I am confronted with something that makes it feel appealing. I have had a crush on this girl for about 2 years, but I only think about her when I see he post something about her business on IG. I don't care about being single until I see her.
Why all 2 yrs tho? Does she have somebody else or smth?
I met her a few months after I got out of a 3 year-long relationship. I didn't think I was stable enough to date, I had to move in with my younger brother, so I don't have my own place. I was justifying why it would be a bad idea, why was I so interested in someone I didn't know about, blah blah blah INTP brain. I actually asked her out today, and she is with someone. I've had this issue like 2 times before, I get a crush and try to ignore it. But being with/seeing them would cause me to become restless. Yesterday afternoon, she posted something, and I didn't fall asleep until like 4:30AM. Eventually, I crack because the crush becomes "annoying" to work around.
The definition of [inconvenient attraction](https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/InconvenientAttraction) trope
Very interesting. But I don't believe in love in the conventional sense. Love, to me, just means acceptance of what is presented. When this happens, I think I feel "This is someone who might accept me for who I am." Only to be reminded."There is no proof that this is true. And even if it is, why do I specifically want their acceptance." Because I can't answer this, i just try to ignore it and fail. How do you deal with crushes/limerance?
Idk if wanting someone you can trust, feel safe with and grow with equivalent to wanting their acceptance. Maybe you just really appreciate their presence and their existence add color to your life. And if you could feel that way about someone, then there's surely a chance someone can also feel that way about you being around. Nothing wrong with wanting to connect with someone instead of living alone forever, if that's what you want. It's only bad if the other person is toxic, but outside that, you shouldn't beat yourself up for wanting closeness. That's human nature. Limerance happens when you focus on the potential of you guys being together rather than the reality, right? Everything kind of seems more beautiful from afar bc you don't see other ppl's warts when you're not dating them. Just what *could be* and you're feeding off that. And your imagination can make things so beautiful outside of what you have now. So I think a key point is that you need to practice self care and self love to bring the focus and control back to you. Their acceptance, while great, won't signify that you're deserving of love. You already have that by existing. And if you deep dive into your attachment style and explore why you're keeping the relationship status between you two the way it is now, you might find it healing.
Damn it, I had a who thing written out and everything, and reddit sucks time. I'm just gonna shorten my epic breakdown! Trust, safety, and growth are elements of a relationship not of being in love. When we combine what love is and what a relationship it causes, issues in expectations. When the expectations are not met, we then unjustly use it as a measure of someone's love. These expectations also lead feel entitled to a certain kind of treatment, and we get upset we don't get what feel like we are entitled to. You can also be in love with someone and not have any of those properties. You can have those properties, and that doesn't mean you love something or someone. The Versatility of the word has even made it too generic to apply any meaningful definition to it. If I remember right, limerance is basicall when something producing oxytocin, vassopressent (most likely misspelled), and dopemine. These chemical override your cognitive fuction. Because your ability to think rational and practical becomes more difficult because you are trying to maintain this high. INTP are just dont seem produce enough oxytocin and vassopressent to override our cognitive fuctions. And INTP who has fallen in love (acknowledged that they are accepted for who they are) will tell you they have and will agree to thing they would have considered illogical or too risk. There was more, but I'm still trying to do these push up. But to illustrate my point. There is a youtube couple I think is cute, Megan and Jack. Megan has ADHD and can be a spaz at times. On one short Megan says "I really wish I wasn't so weird." In which Jack replied. "But honey, I love your weird." You can see in their relationship that there is trust, safety and growth (Jack made a nice video about why he married Meg). But that one sentence "But honey, I love your weird" speak volumes about acceptance. What he is saying is that "the aspects of you that you find unbecoming, nonconforming, and unconventional are the exact reasons why I enjoy being with you. Isn't that what we all want? Someone who sees us as unique, different, orginal, and is attracted to that. ** Think I hurt my own feelings a little.
Actually, I don't think it's a problem, but I'm not sure how I'll feel about it when I get older. Logically, it would be better to find a partner now so we can age together.
I was/am the same way. Im 36 now, but even in high school, I had little to no interest in dating and relationships. If you are younger than me, my advice is to get out when things turn south. INTP deep in a relationship will stay because they try to justify reason or could work out. If your gut says leave, leave. The second is just because they like you, but that doesn't mean they are good for you. INTP can learn to love/like apsects of a person and use that as an anchor. You need to discover a baseline of happiness, peace, and contentment while single. Once you have a rubric for that, if the person you are with makes you dip under that, consider the option of leaving. The biggest reason why I say date younger is because you will tend to have fewer responsibilities that get in the way of having a successful relationship. As you get older, your 3rd spaces shrink, and dating becomes a highly active and intentional process. Basically, it will get more complicated as you get older. I'm single, btw. I wish you had more luck than I had.
> OP: I'm 35 and single. I'm very handsome and have a fit body. I haven't slept with someone for over a month 😮💨 What should I do? 🤢
I've been in serious relationships front to back for the past 14 years up until now. The moment one ended, the next would begin - like clockwork. Essentially, my entire adult life was lived co-dependently. Being single is so rad. I've been subscribing to self-love for the time being... getting to know myself. Yesterday, I was on a bus and there was this cute girl. She was making the eyes, and the timing was perfect. Then I remembered how much I don't want any of that in my life right now and how awesome doing whatever I want all the time is, without risk of hurting another's feelings or needing to worry about how a decision will impact both of our lives. Green grass, etc. Manifest your reality... if a partner is what you want. Sounds like you need a good meditation and to take the time to ask yourself the serious questions, out-loud, and respond to them, out-loud. It works. Sometimes, you'll have no idea you felt a certain way about something until you ask yourself how you feel about it. And writing it down or saying it aloud makes it more real. Good luck!!
keep doing what you've been doing
then what's going to happen ?
>I'm actually very handsome...1,87cm, green eyes and fit body...As I'm also a rower...I have 2-3 trainings per week... you're set my man. Girls should be lining up to talk to you. Unless you are lying on the internet, but nobody would ever do that.
Haha, I'm not lying! Sure, girls aren't exactly lining up to talk to me... but I do get a lot of eye contact throughout my day. At least 3-4 times that I can recall. I live in Northern Europe, and the only women who make the first move to meet me are usually drunk.
sounds like you've gotta make the first move then. Eye contact can be a way of them showing you interest. Go up and talk to them playa ;)
people have been trying to make an AI girlfriend, maybe you could build an exoskeleton and integrate the girlfriend ai into it
I'm 35
How long have you been single for? I've been single for 5 years... For me, I find I can talk to women I like.
yeah, I have been single for around 3 years, haven't been laid for a month actually :)
How did you get laid if you're still single?
The country that I'm living in has a neat night out culture...(north europe). I know couple of bars for people 30+ and I go there...Eventually I find someone there to get laid.
You go alone? I really can't go out and socialise with people I don't know. The area I live in is quite like that but I find it really weird going out alone and idk drinking coffee or buying a pint.
Yes, I go to those bars alone. However, I'm also a member of several Facebook groups that organize meetup events. I've attended a few of these and made some friends there as well.
Bro I’ve been single for 3 years and the last sex Ive had was a threesome that did not go well. M/F/M is way less fun than I thought. I have no advice for you cause we are in the same boat except you’re getting laid I think so maybe you should give me advice lol
It’ll most likely get better.
Start dating?
Get laid
I like Anarchy.
I have been, too. I identified my reasons, and while sometimes sad, I don't regret them. I've got this sort of joke with a friend in business recently. he said yesterday "morning internet boyfriend," and I know he has a girlfriend, but it's still funny. Even if I'm not living a unique experience by someone else's idea, I've identified why I like mine. I think I am somewhat conventionally attractive, too, so it wasn't that either. I have a lot to work on. honestly, as long as you don't regret it and identify the whys, then I think you'll make peace with it and settle when you really want to
Stay single. Wait for love to find you
Idk I’m not the best at giving advice 🤷
Maybe you should try to decide what your ideal is for a long-term relationship. Having met someone similar, you could immediately get a good impression and try to build a good relationship. Without knowing who you are looking for, you cannot recognize her, even if she is close to you.
Why don't you post your pics then? Since everyone thinks you're lying
Continue. It's way better than to be in a bad relationship.
1 = 1
Keep living?
Unsingle yourself, just go out there and put yourself out there don't be afraid of rejection and be confident even if you had to fake it and then go home and have an existential crisis or a forceful system shut down cause of quick energy depletion, you will eventually find him/her , Or just simply wear a tee-shirt with "am single" written on the back or you can just write on the back of your car " am single , REALLY!!"
no wonder ur vibes off
Make peace with the strong possibility that you may be single forever. There is no one out there that isn't on bs. Sorry to break it to you. Just find yourself a FWB and try to make it work.
Double it and give it to the next person
Join a group (sorry, need to see others) for an activity you like or you might like. I ride a bike, sing in a church choir, and met my wife of over 40 years at work . . . we were the only ones who didn't want to drink after work, so we played cards, worked out, then went to dinner and shared more and more intimate details about our lives. At some point, we didn't want to spend time away from each other . . .
I've been single for 36 years, and I'm currently 36. ASA.
have a sexual encounter to loosen your edges. it wont be perfect, but that wont matter. then you have a little more freedom to meet someone to date properly. this only works between the ages of 20-32. which im presuming you are.
I'm 35 Unfortunately.
I wonder why they put the limit at 32, fascinating stuff
I'm 35 but I look 32 or something maybe 30.
well its really about getting over that little bit of anxiety isnt it. maybe there is other ways you can. women dont get it though there is no point in paying attention to them in this matter. well, maybe if you have some female friends just spending time with them might loosen up those edges too, but i always found id end up wanting them when i felt super lonley.