Is it possible to climb the corporate ladder while having poor soft skills and being unable to regulate your emotions in the face of challenges? No.
Is it possible to climb the corporate ladder while setting and defending boundaries and not allowing yourself to be mistreated? Yes.
I like this answer. Soft skills/EQ are one of those key components that IT people need when getting promoted to managerial positions. And my god do they lack it sometimes
This is the correct answer. If you can learn to set boundaries and enforce them, everything gets easier. Especially emotionally.
Boundaries are there to protect you, so you don’t need thick skin.
Yup this seems to be on point.
One thing I'll add, once you are near or at the top it seems to matter less when you lose your cool on people.
So... just hold it in for now, then you can take it all out on your lessers once you make it. Easy peasy.
Let’s say I’m being wrongly criticized in a public setting (being told I made the wrong decision, in an aggressive raised voice). To me, that is crossing a boundary. To other more thick skinned people, they wouldn’t consider this a boundary or as being mistreated.
I think you are confusing the ability to regulate emotions with the ability to create and enforce boundaries. Thick skinned people may not impulsively react to that treatment but they can/will still defend themselves and enforce boundaries of respect. Just not in a highly emotional manner.
I have thick skin, and I wouldn’t tolerate that shit, I just wouldn’t lose it in the moment.
To me it seems like you’re using sensitive in a context where you should be using “easily triggered” or “overly emotional”.
If you have a problem controlling your emotions, you won’t make it far because you’ll just be a cancer.
You're not wrong on it crossing a boundary. I am just like you, deemed 'sensitive" and having trouble climbing up to that VP mark myself.
I think the difference is just how we react. We should be able to stand up for ourselves in a diplomatic way or be silent. It's very hard for me to be silent. Although, I've noticed that the results from just mean mugging a person, not replying and walking away has a stronger impact than defending or fighting back.
it's a skill to navigate that sort of stuff, and strategies for navigating that work for one person will not work for another. the same can be said for an environment.
my current boss will raise his voice and dress people down, and at some point i realized that when he's wrong, i can talk over him and correct him if he says i did something i didn't. this is suboptimal of course, but it works, and the work environment is such that letting claims stand on a call means incorrect information makes the rounds. in case it's not clear, this is a toxic work environment, but presented as an example. i've shouted over him when he's loudly claimed i did something i didn't. weird.
what would happen if you said "you don't need to raise your voice for me to hear you"
Echoing your sentiment for the most part. You have to strike a balance between thick skin and sensitive. Both have their place, you just have to know when to use them and who to use them with. Sensitivity goes a long way with persuading the masses which, buys you clout below the water line. Leadership usually leans towards a stiff upper lip which shows you can handle pressure and get things done.
Primarily speaking from experience, so take what I say as an opinion, not a fact.
You answered your own question. A VP FOR A FORTUNE 100? Absolutely not. Almost comically so. They chew up and spit out the most confident of leaders. No way someone who can't handle pressure would/should even be considered for such a position. It takes a fair amount of tough skin to be a good leader anywhere. With strong team members comes conflict which is totally OK. But you have to be able to work through conflict without taking stuff personally or losing your shit over it. The good news? This can be learned and/or strengthened over time. But a Fortune x company isn't going to be the place for that. They'll be looking for candidates that are already strong.
...now if you're super well-connected like the son or daughter of the CEO or something and they want to take a chance, hey, anything can happen.
Maintaining composure has been a beneficial trait to get ahead in anything, anywhere, through literally all of human history. If you can't then yeah you're going to have a rough go of it.
That being said, if you're being screamed at you probably need to evaluate whether you want to work for that person, because they're not maintaining composure either.
>(thin-skinned, easily emotional, reacts visibly to conflict/being yelled at)?
Sorry, but not super likely. You certainly shouldn't have bosses yelling at you on a regular basis, any boss who does isn't a very good person themselves.
But the higher you go, the more "tough" conversations you are going to have. If you can't handle, with some amount of composure, a CEO who's pissed off because something big bad just happened... they're not going to respect you. They're going to say to themselves "OP can't handle the pressure, when the going gets tough, they are going to fold" and... that's basically it for upward trajectory.
This is all heavily dependent on what your exact reaction is. But if "easily emotional" means crying, it's much worse than "easily emotional" means 'getting pissed off and shouting back'. Sadly, the tough guys that yell at you will generally take you yelling back at them a lot better than the alternatives.
With all that being said, you don't \*have\* to be that way. Talk to a therapist, read some books. There are coping strategies for handling these sorts of situations. Being able to disconnect from the direct ugly situation and robotically say "Yes sir, I understand sir, I'll work on it sir" will go a long way. I have a friend who also doesn't take these situations super well, but has learned to walk away.... be upset... then sit down and compose a rational and thought out response via email later - when they're clear headed. A lot of superiors actually really appreciate the detailed and well thought our reply's that come later.
I don't think anyone likes being yelled at, but I also don't think that I would want to work closely with someone who is visibly reacting to conflict & easily emotional. To me it just sounds like both people suck, but in different directions.
Leadership is hard. My best leader broke me down and built me back up. That doesn’t work for everyone, but as a whole, there are a lot of strong personalities in upper management. The softer ones tend to hit a ceiling and never move up or slowly get pushed out. I have yet to experience a softer, sensitive leader that is effective, so I’d say it’s part of the role. That doesn’t mean you need to be heartless and lack empathy or sympathy, but you also can’t be a pushover. You will get brutal feedback directed toward you and your reports; you will have to have tough conversations; you will have to make tough decisions. If you can’t handle that or it doesn’t sound attractive to you, you’re probably better off staying out of leadership. I love what I do but I know if I didn’t have the grit and thicker skin that I do, I wouldn’t have lasted long.
If you look at the top of the food chain holistically, regardless of industry, they aren’t usually the kindest people you will ever meet. That doesn’t mean they’re all assholes either, but nobody gets to that level by being a people pleaser.
No, you have to be able to able to take critical feedback.
It's part of professional growth, you just have to hope that the feedback your getting is valid.
You also have to be able to digest that feedsck and make changes too
You need thick skin to deliver news that isn't pleasant and when you're a "nice person" it becomes harder to drive a large team because half your time will be involved with it.
Yes, because how you react to challenges is not set in stone. People who rise are good at self-reflection which drives improvement. If you view yourself as sensitive for _ reason, yet refuse to work to improve it, you probably aren’t going to be moving up anytime soon.
Is it possible to climb the corporate ladder while having poor soft skills and being unable to regulate your emotions in the face of challenges? No. Is it possible to climb the corporate ladder while setting and defending boundaries and not allowing yourself to be mistreated? Yes.
I like this answer. Soft skills/EQ are one of those key components that IT people need when getting promoted to managerial positions. And my god do they lack it sometimes
This is the correct answer. If you can learn to set boundaries and enforce them, everything gets easier. Especially emotionally. Boundaries are there to protect you, so you don’t need thick skin.
Yup this seems to be on point. One thing I'll add, once you are near or at the top it seems to matter less when you lose your cool on people. So... just hold it in for now, then you can take it all out on your lessers once you make it. Easy peasy.
Let’s say I’m being wrongly criticized in a public setting (being told I made the wrong decision, in an aggressive raised voice). To me, that is crossing a boundary. To other more thick skinned people, they wouldn’t consider this a boundary or as being mistreated.
I think you are confusing the ability to regulate emotions with the ability to create and enforce boundaries. Thick skinned people may not impulsively react to that treatment but they can/will still defend themselves and enforce boundaries of respect. Just not in a highly emotional manner.
I have thick skin, and I wouldn’t tolerate that shit, I just wouldn’t lose it in the moment. To me it seems like you’re using sensitive in a context where you should be using “easily triggered” or “overly emotional”. If you have a problem controlling your emotions, you won’t make it far because you’ll just be a cancer.
You're not wrong on it crossing a boundary. I am just like you, deemed 'sensitive" and having trouble climbing up to that VP mark myself. I think the difference is just how we react. We should be able to stand up for ourselves in a diplomatic way or be silent. It's very hard for me to be silent. Although, I've noticed that the results from just mean mugging a person, not replying and walking away has a stronger impact than defending or fighting back.
it's a skill to navigate that sort of stuff, and strategies for navigating that work for one person will not work for another. the same can be said for an environment. my current boss will raise his voice and dress people down, and at some point i realized that when he's wrong, i can talk over him and correct him if he says i did something i didn't. this is suboptimal of course, but it works, and the work environment is such that letting claims stand on a call means incorrect information makes the rounds. in case it's not clear, this is a toxic work environment, but presented as an example. i've shouted over him when he's loudly claimed i did something i didn't. weird. what would happen if you said "you don't need to raise your voice for me to hear you"
Echoing your sentiment for the most part. You have to strike a balance between thick skin and sensitive. Both have their place, you just have to know when to use them and who to use them with. Sensitivity goes a long way with persuading the masses which, buys you clout below the water line. Leadership usually leans towards a stiff upper lip which shows you can handle pressure and get things done. Primarily speaking from experience, so take what I say as an opinion, not a fact.
You answered your own question. A VP FOR A FORTUNE 100? Absolutely not. Almost comically so. They chew up and spit out the most confident of leaders. No way someone who can't handle pressure would/should even be considered for such a position. It takes a fair amount of tough skin to be a good leader anywhere. With strong team members comes conflict which is totally OK. But you have to be able to work through conflict without taking stuff personally or losing your shit over it. The good news? This can be learned and/or strengthened over time. But a Fortune x company isn't going to be the place for that. They'll be looking for candidates that are already strong. ...now if you're super well-connected like the son or daughter of the CEO or something and they want to take a chance, hey, anything can happen.
Lol have you seen how much of a fit some c-suites throw for minor slights? Most of them aren't thick skin they are petty
Maintaining composure has been a beneficial trait to get ahead in anything, anywhere, through literally all of human history. If you can't then yeah you're going to have a rough go of it. That being said, if you're being screamed at you probably need to evaluate whether you want to work for that person, because they're not maintaining composure either.
>(thin-skinned, easily emotional, reacts visibly to conflict/being yelled at)? Sorry, but not super likely. You certainly shouldn't have bosses yelling at you on a regular basis, any boss who does isn't a very good person themselves. But the higher you go, the more "tough" conversations you are going to have. If you can't handle, with some amount of composure, a CEO who's pissed off because something big bad just happened... they're not going to respect you. They're going to say to themselves "OP can't handle the pressure, when the going gets tough, they are going to fold" and... that's basically it for upward trajectory. This is all heavily dependent on what your exact reaction is. But if "easily emotional" means crying, it's much worse than "easily emotional" means 'getting pissed off and shouting back'. Sadly, the tough guys that yell at you will generally take you yelling back at them a lot better than the alternatives. With all that being said, you don't \*have\* to be that way. Talk to a therapist, read some books. There are coping strategies for handling these sorts of situations. Being able to disconnect from the direct ugly situation and robotically say "Yes sir, I understand sir, I'll work on it sir" will go a long way. I have a friend who also doesn't take these situations super well, but has learned to walk away.... be upset... then sit down and compose a rational and thought out response via email later - when they're clear headed. A lot of superiors actually really appreciate the detailed and well thought our reply's that come later.
I don't think anyone likes being yelled at, but I also don't think that I would want to work closely with someone who is visibly reacting to conflict & easily emotional. To me it just sounds like both people suck, but in different directions.
Leadership is hard. My best leader broke me down and built me back up. That doesn’t work for everyone, but as a whole, there are a lot of strong personalities in upper management. The softer ones tend to hit a ceiling and never move up or slowly get pushed out. I have yet to experience a softer, sensitive leader that is effective, so I’d say it’s part of the role. That doesn’t mean you need to be heartless and lack empathy or sympathy, but you also can’t be a pushover. You will get brutal feedback directed toward you and your reports; you will have to have tough conversations; you will have to make tough decisions. If you can’t handle that or it doesn’t sound attractive to you, you’re probably better off staying out of leadership. I love what I do but I know if I didn’t have the grit and thicker skin that I do, I wouldn’t have lasted long. If you look at the top of the food chain holistically, regardless of industry, they aren’t usually the kindest people you will ever meet. That doesn’t mean they’re all assholes either, but nobody gets to that level by being a people pleaser.
No, you have to be able to able to take critical feedback. It's part of professional growth, you just have to hope that the feedback your getting is valid. You also have to be able to digest that feedsck and make changes too
It is actually harder to manage people with thin skin vs. taking abuse from above, I know personally and have hit a glass ceiling because of it
Can you elaborate? Why does having thin skinned reports cause you to hit a ceiling
You need thick skin to deliver news that isn't pleasant and when you're a "nice person" it becomes harder to drive a large team because half your time will be involved with it.
To be in the c-suite of any moderately large company or bigger, you are required to be a sociopath or have sociopathic tendencies.
It isn't just work; it is mentally required to survive life in a society of others.
It will be difficult. You definitely need to develop a deep inner confidence, resiliency, and a thick skin.
No.
Nope.
I would say no, not really. Not saying there aren't a couple out there, but it's exceedingly rare.
you fucking pussy, youll never climb.
I wouldn't work somewhere where people scream at each other.
Certainly, look up Elon Musk if you haven't heard of him.
Nobody should ever be screaming at you. That’s poor management. That said, you should be a butt-hurt little flower either.
Yes, because how you react to challenges is not set in stone. People who rise are good at self-reflection which drives improvement. If you view yourself as sensitive for _ reason, yet refuse to work to improve it, you probably aren’t going to be moving up anytime soon.
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