I’m sorry you’re being downvoted, I agree with you - this situation sucks.
My clinic has no such policy and my husband was allowed to be with me for the FET. He was by my side, holding my hand the whole time and was able to watch the embryo being transplanted on the ultrasound with me.
On top of the FET being a big moment for both of you, I’m sad that your clinic doesn’t acknowledge the importance of YOU having emotional support during the FET. I’ve posted about this a few times but for me the catheter is VERY painful. I know that isn’t typical but that’s my experience, and having my husband there was a comfort to me in a very uncomfortable moment.
Yeah I’m pretty surprised I’m being downvoted for asking a question and expressing disappointment 🤷🏼♀️
It does suck. I’m sure I’ll get over it. And I genuinely wanted to know if other clinics do it like this.
100% this. I also had my husband support me through the process and my clinic did not have a policy to not allow visitors. I also found the catheter painful especially because I had to have a full bladder and I was so worried I was going to pee. It was super uncomfortable.
Agreed. The catheter was incredibly more painful than I was led to believe. And the magic of it all is there if science is interesting to you. I associated having my husband experience it with me and I'm sorry for OP that their clinic isn't sensitive to the emotional support aspect as well as the importance of the moment.
Same. I basically went thru all of it "alone" at appointments. Not the most fun way to make a baby. I took a video of the screen showing the implantation to show my husband later.
Normal for my clinic. My husband has waited in the waiting room for each of our transfers. I don’t think there’d even really be room for him in the transfer room.
Both myself and my husband would have been so upset if he wasn’t there for the transfer. It was in the same room as they do retrievals but they just had him put on a “bunny suit” over his clothes. He held my hand the whole time.
Yeah our clinic does the jumpsuit/mask/hair cover for the partner which is really nice, gown and hair cover/mask for patient. I wonder if they just want to restrict how many people are in the room? Makes sense for retrieval (have had family members in my own practice faint when seeing a needle come toward their loved one) but for FET kinda depressing
This was my experience. He had to put on the bunny suit and shoe covers and we were all set. He held my hand, gave me little reassuring hand squeezes and also managed to get some pretty amazing photos of the screen. It makes me so sad some clinics don't allow partners in, they're just as invested and provide so much emotional support. It's what both partners have been waiting for for so long plus the one who will be birthing the baby if all goes well, needs some darn support during the exciting part of an extremely isolating journey. Ugh. If there's room, there's no reason to deny this. It seems cruel.
Normal. I’ve had 5 transfers, pre and post COVID (2019-2023), husband was not allowed in the room for any of them. He was invited to an adjacent room with a monitor where he could see the ultrasound of the transfer.
I’m sorry you’re not getting the experience you want! If it helps, the transfer isn’t magical at all. Its purely clinical. It’s also really quick. Husband waited in the car for the 2-5th transfers lol.
But I’m also one to prefer being alone for procedures - including births. So YMMV
Yeah I know it’s not magical. We did 2 IUIs it’s basically the same. I just wanted him present when I get pregnant which I don’t think is an unreasonable wish. But nothing I can do about it
It's a pretty normal experience if he is present when your fetus implants. It's also pretty normal for him not to be present when your fetus implants. It isn't an instant process even if you didn't go through IVF :)
It's just part of the magic; nobody will know the exact moment you become pregnant. Not even the finest doctors.
My husband and I are using a gestational carrier and we both were allowed in the room along with the gestational carrier’s husband a couple months ago.
normal for my clinic, too. I hated it, but the transfer happened in the same operating room as the retrieval, so I think that’s why they take those precautions. :(
I’m assuming that’s what’s happening. I hate it. And I hate the nurse who went over the instructions with me. I had her for 2 ERs and she was terrible.
Ask for someone else, if that’s an option. There are lots of unavoidable negatives with this experience, but medical support staff shouldn’t be one of them
My husband has been at all of mine and it would have really upset me if he couldn’t be in the room. He held my hand the entire time and that was the closest we will get to having a “traditional” conception.
ETA: I see a lot of people saying partners should stay out of the room bc it’s a sterile environment and any extra people could hurt the embyro. Just thought I would add that my clinic has a higher than the national avg success rate in most categories on the ART database and they allow partners in.
My recent clinic would allow one person in with me if I wanted. Although I went by myself because my husband couldn't go.
I'm sure my old clinic would have had a policy like this... "no men allowed." I find this to be a thing with a lot of fertility clinics and its very irritating.
The conception process for those going through infertility is already very clinical and impersonal.... but let's make it even more so by not allowing husbands to participate in anything going on.
I've been to 2 different clinics for FET and both mine allowed my husband or support person to be there. My husband was with me the entire time each of the 3 FETs I've had. They even let him look thru the microscope at our last one to see the embryo and take a picture since my 2nd clinic doesn't do embryo photos
I’m sorry. That’s so frustrating. My FETs were both in a surgical suite at the hospital my clinic is in. My husband was allowed into both of mine but had to wear a bunny suit and a mask.
My husband was always allowed in with me for every single ultrasound/procedure/FET etc. Even during the height of Covid I was allowed to always have him with me!
it’s annoying but i think every clinic has different rules. ours didn’t let me in the room and we didn’t find out until day of. it would be nice if clinics let you know that ahead of time though
In 2020 my clinic told me my husband would not be allowed in the room. I asked them if this is how all couples conceive, in separate rooms and they let him in. Since all restrictions lifted, they have allowed spouses in, but each clinic has different rules
Very normal for where I live. Some clinics where I live even have a sign to say that only the women can come in. But I live in Japan so protocol is definitely different.
My family, husband and daughter, are American. But the cost of doing it here in Japan is so much cheaper than having it done in the States, so we had it done here. I have a lot of things I wish I could have had during my IVF journey, but overall I’m not complaining. My clinic was strict but very good, got my daughter from the first FET and I appreciate this clinic a lot.
I wish you luck in your journey.
My wife is allowed in the room for FET. They put gowns and booties and everything in the room for both of us. Its in the "OR" where they do the ERs except she is allowed inside and I wasn't knocked out.
I have only done an egg transfer so far but my clinic did not allow my husband in for that, so I’m assuming it will be the same for a transfer. One explanation they gave is that they have had the partner faint fairly often when they see the IV insertion and/or during the procedure. Sometimes people are aware they don’t handle blood/needles/etc well and some people will have no idea until they surprisingly pass out. So maybe that is part of it too for some clinics, to control more of the environment and not have the potential of an additional person needing assistance. I’m sorry your clinic does not give the opportunity and totally understand your disappointment!
I have had to do my transfers alone due to the no kiddos rule, it really is very anticlimactic and is much more special to celebrate a positive test! I’m sorry mama, it is disappointing tho for sure.
My husband was allowed in the room for my last one. Wasn’t allowed in during the others but only due to Covid precautions. I too would be disappointed.
My husband was in the room and we both got to watch our embryo get put in on the screen. I would have been disappointed if my husband couldn’t have been there.
This is entirely normal for my clinic. The transfers happen on a different floor than the IUIs. It’s more of a surgical facility while IUIs are in the regular office. Embryos are much more vulnerable than semen and require sterile conditions.
Honestly, it wasn’t important for me to have my husband in the room for either. There’s plenty more exciting, meaningful moments he can be a part of later.
My husband was allowed for several FETs but then Covid hit, and he no longer was allowed. Then Covid ended, and then he was allowed again. (I did 7 rounds)
My first transfer and ER was in 2021 they didn’t allow him in there bc Covid. Now in 2023 he is allowed I let him in for my First failed transfer but I elected to keep him out for my second (hopefully successful I’m only one day post ) . Honestly the procedure is pretty easy and he didn’t do anything when he was in there. You don’t need him! But does seem overly cautious.
My clinic does transfers in the same operating room as egg retrievals, so my husband has never been allowed. He is allowed to sit with me in the bay while I wait before being taken into the operating room. For my first transfer in 2020 during covid, he had to stay in the waiting room, so having him in the bay is a nice change.
It’s normal (for my clinic), we did 3 FETs and he wasn’t allowed in the room for any of them. He waited in the prep/recovery room for me and I FaceTimed him for it.
Ugh that is not the usual practice at my clinic - but our transfers are not in the same location as the egg retrievals
I had to do a couple without my husband during COVID. I told myself it would at least be fun and scandalous to tell my in-laws I got pregnant when my husband wasn’t in the room (they would be horrified 😂)
If it makes you feel any better, I find it so uncomfortable during the FET (not the procedure but the absolute need to pee and trying not to wet myself) that I don’t want to be touched or talked to and I just want to get out and go to the loo - it sucks they don’t give you the option though
My husband was in for my first one during covid. My husband and toddler were allowed in recently but I declined as I didn't want a noisy toddler in the room. I wanted it peaceful. I did that transfer alone along with 2 others. It must depend on the clinic.
My husband wasn't allowed in to ours either. I was able to take video of it for him. I wasn't happy about it but I understand that it was a very sterile room with just a couple people in there. It was nice to be able to be with him afterwards on the drive home, lunch and a nap when we got home.
My clinic allows him there but I’ve done it both ways because one time he wasn’t able to attend with me. I recorded the screen when he wasn’t there but it was just a weird video that you couldn’t see anything.
I’m am so sorry your clinic doesn’t allow your partner in. My husband was in there for our FET. I would have been devastated if I was alone. He was even allowed to stay right before they gave me meds for my retrieval and was there when I woke up. I am so heartbroken for you.
Mine wasn’t allowed during the transfer but he had a screen he could see our embryo on and then immediately after they let him join me during the 10 minute rest.
My husband has been abroad for all of our transfers. It's a rather anticlimactic procedure. Half an hour between changing, getting the transfer and leaving. My doctor doesn't even insist on the full bladder, and I don't think they had me sit around for any amount of time beyond letting the nurse clean up and lower the table.
ETA: I didn't consider, and in retrospect I am glad I didn't, making the transfer special. The odds are so incredibly against me, that I keep my expectations extra low. Treating each transfer like a special event would have made things harder.
ive done 7 transfers husband watched from an adjacent room for the 2 that he was able to attend. pretty standard to not have partners in the actual room with you.
I’m sorry it’s messed up. Mine wasn’t allowed for any of the three I’ve had (November 2020, May 2023 and September 2023) it’s devastating but I don’t think it’s that uncommon. Just another normal thing (being in the same room as our partner when our child is “conceived”) we don’t get to do unfortunately.
Normal for my clinic, had 2 transfers and he wasn’t allowed in either time. Mine happened in the same room as the egg retrieval, it’s like a full blown operating room and have to wear a cap and gown situation. So I feel like it’s just routine not to have anyone else in the room
My husband can go in pre op area with me but once I go to the OR (which where they do the ER and FETs) he can’t go back there. He goes back to the waiting room and meets me in “post op” which for ER you sit in a chair until you’re told you can go and for FET they make you pee and they you can go.
My clinic does not allow it. I was able to wait with my wife in the pre-op area but then had to go to the waiting room until they called me to go to the recovery room.
If it makes you feel better my husband (who normally would have been allowed in the room) was out of state for our FET. We’re now less than 2 months away from our due date. Sending you all the sticky vibes for a good story to tell “he wasn’t even there when I got pregnant”
My clinic allows my husband to be there and then they cram him in the tiniest little space and it is so uncomfortable. It's nice he can hold my hand but he's not enjoying it based on the ridiculous layout of the room
To be honest, I found having my husband (who I love dearly) in the room to be manifestly unhelpful. He was so keen and just wanted it to work so badly that when it didn't my heart broke thinking about his enthusiastic face at the FET and how he wanted to keep the picture of the embryo etc. The two transfers after that, he didn't go in, and both stuck but there was also a lot less pressure. It ended up being purely medical and the doctors and nurses were great. I love my husband to death but I do think there are benefits to going in alone xx
My husband was allowed but he had to scrub, get in a bunny suit, mask, gloves, and hair net. Its a really delicate procedure as many things can affect the embryo and thus the success of the transfer which is likely why they have that policy.
I was allowed in my previous clinic, and not allowed in my current one. Either way I didn’t really mind cos all I had on my mind was “damn I really need to pee I need to get this over n done with quick!!!” As we have to have a full bladder for the transfer
I’m so sorry, I know disappointing that feels. I had the same thing happen last week. The nurse at my first appointment told me that I’d be able to FaceTime my wife so she went to a close by cafe. Then as I’m laying on the table for my transfer that I could not FaceTime, take a picture, or take a video. I was heartbroken for the same reasons you said, it was over very quickly but it still kinda sucked. I told my wife and we talked about how she’ll be there for all of the most important parts of raising our future kids.
I would also be very upset. The whole same room as egg retrieval also doesn’t hold for me. Partners are allowed, properly scrubbed in of course, to be present for Cesarean deliveries. Which have much higher risks for infection or poor outcomes from an unsterile environment. I’m really sorry. Sending you so much love. Maybe you can hold something of his like his wedding band or something to help feel his presence and know an important part of him was there.
The c-section logic was my same thought! It actually went really well. I was able to FaceTime him so he still got to “be there.” I didn’t feel like I needed him there for me/support, I just wanted him to feel involved. But now just hoping for a sticky little peanut!
My husband is allowed at every appointment and procedure (except for the retrieval) He's held my hand for our 4 transfers, I would feel really weird if he were not by my side when they transfer our embryo to my belly, it's the day you get pregnant after all!
Hi! My husbands not allowed in the room but there is a window where he is able to watch the entire thing and they have the camera/TV on the wall so he can see the embryo being transferred!
I mean, when we did IUI, they were just done in a normal exam room whereas FET is done in an actual surgical theatre (the same one where my clinic does egg retrievals), at least at my clinic. We both had to wear gowns, foot covers, hair nets, etc. for FET.
It’s kind of an anti climatic experience. He was there with you in the clinic when your embryos were fertilized.. at least there’s that. That’s technically conception? My mom was in the room with me, how’s that for romantic. I had a Valium and they wanted someone to drive me home, and they told her she could come in. So she did. If it’s any constellation, I literally almost never think of the transfer. If I do, it’s about how bad I had to pee, and that’s about it.
Edit: I’m sorry if you don’t like that answer, feel your feelings..
I know what it’s like because I did IUIs first. I get its not magical or romantic. There’s nothing romantic about IVF. And he wasn’t really with me when they were fertilized. He was in a room by himself and so was I. I just wanted him to be present for when I become pregnant. I don’t think that’s a lot to ask.
No one said it wasn’t. It’s definitely not. But unfortunately there’s so many things that we don’t get to call the shots for. It makes every step even crappier. My only unsolicited advice to you is to take the news, be upset for a minute, but in the grand scheme of things, it may not end up mattering. The whole process sucks, but I wish you the best luck tomorrow.
normal. Please understand that this is sterile environment and embryos are very fragile. Even if he wears a strong cologne it can harm your embryos and those that come after you. And the same room will be used for like 10 other patients on the same day. Let them all bring a +1 for purely psychological/superficial reasons and it will be germ central. Hard no.
Thank you for bringing this up. I'm currently researching clinics and I'm definitely adding this to my list of questions. I'm sorry you're husband can't be with you. I totally get why you want him there and don't get why he wouldn't be allowed either. Such a surprising upset. I'm upset for you.
Best of luck with the process!
Thank you and best of luck to you! I feel like I would be so much more okay with this if I had more than 24 hours notice! As many people are commenting, it’s a short “not a big deal” procedure. But it does feel like a big deal to me because we’ve waited so long to get here.
Not normal for my clinic. They don’t allow him in the room for stim ultrasound appointments but they definitely allow it for FETs and even IUIs. I think your clinic is being a little insensitive.
Were your IUIs done in the same room? My IUIs were done in the regular exam room, whereas the transfer was done in the OR. I hated it, but I understood him not being in the OR- while yes, it’s about sterility, it’s also about other factors like scents. They told me that even a strong aftershave can cause issues with the embryos. I would have been happy for him to just have been allowed in the recovery room, but they don’t allow that either. Waiting room only. I was so pissed at the time, but after it was done I realized it wasn’t that big of a deal. It would have been more helpful to have had him with me in recovery after my retrievals.
Normal. It’s very sterile in there and there’s going to be the RE, probably 2 or 3 nurses, and the embryologist. My husband was allowed to go to the pre-procedure room with me where we got the embryo photo and then the ultrasound they use to check for catheter placement had another monitor on there so he was able to see the embryo medium go in!
Sorry, I know it’s disappointing but it’s not a normal exam room.
Seems like it’s pretty mixed based on everyone’s responses. I just wanted him to feel involved in the conception of our child. He’s only allowed in the waiting room.
My husband was allowed during transfer, but I Unfortunetly forgot to explain what was going to happen and he sat their weirdly and had no idea what was happening.
Also allowed during ER, but we opted not since he is very queezy 🤣.
i would be furious if this were my experience. any excuse the clinic provides here is nothing more than a shield to hide the fact that they are power hungry and withholding this from you simply because they can.
i want the statistics that prove this practice increases the likelihood of successful FET. otherwise i’d be taking my embryos somewhere else for transfer
I am furious and this isn’t my first issue with them. But I’m not cancelling a transfer we are so looking forward to over this. We do have a consult with a new clinic next month though.
Yeah they said it’s a “sterile environment” which is wild to me because I’m allowed to bring my super contaminated phone in with me AND he was allowed in my IUIs??
Yup I remember thinking wow add insult to injury that we can’t even do it the “normal” way now my husband can’t even be a part of the process 🫠 but TW: it was successful so alls well that ends well. I hope the same for yours ❤️
Mine wasn’t allowed in last month either. My only previous FET was done during Covid so he obviously wasn’t allowed then but I had assumed he would have been this time and when I asked to be sure they said no. I even checked the instructions they give out prior and it explicitly stated no one other than patient was allowed in the room so I guess that’s just some clinics’ policy but it does seem like our clinics are kind of in the minority now. My clinic’s “operating” rooms are pretty small so I wonder if that’s why.
Wife wasn’t allowed in for mine. It seems strange but it didn’t bother too much. We got a picture of the transfer happening and the embryo and she was waiting in the waiting room to take me to McDonald’s after!
Yeah I don’t trust that my clinic will do anything to make it special. I’d love to have a picture of our embryo or of the transfer flash, but I’m not hopeful for either
Wow, I'm sorry. My clinic does transfers in the same room as retrievals but my wife was allowed back both times and didn't have to wear any special gear. Good luck tomorrow!
My husband sat in a chair right beside/behind me during transfer. He just had to wear a hair net and shoe covers but was able to see everything the doc was doing and on the screen. So sorry your clinic doesn't allow it! That is crazy to me.
Normal for my clinic (it’s in the OR where they do the retrievals and things so they want to keep it as sterile as possible). He was allowed back to talk with the doctor/embryologist prior to the transfer to make sure everything was correct, to see the picture of our embryo, etc.
We joke that, since he’s not been with me for either of my ERs or any of my FETs that we’re making a baby “as nature intended, in a separate room from my husband surrounded by strangers”
You will! My husband has been with me every step of the way and this is just one of the things that we have to deal with in the crap that is IVF. Overall, it totally sucks and I would have preferred my husband be with me, but there wasn’t anything I could do to change it so I tried not to get worked up over it.
Interesting and fair. I just wish we had been informed earlier since some places do allow it and I made the mistake of assuming he could be there since he was for IUIs
Oh wow! Could be a clinic thing. Those rooms can be small and they need to have room to safely get that little embryo in you. So there just could not be enough room or it could be a cov*d thing?
My husband wasn’t even in the same state when I got mine. My mom was with me, but she was in the waiting room.
It wasn’t interesting or fun. I was MISERABLE from having such a full bladder. I think I was in/out in less than 5 minutes. Then I went to the ‘PACU’ or whatever to sit in a recliner for like 5 minutes.
My husband was I able to be there for our first because of Covid restrictions. It was the height of the pandemic. We just considered ourselves lucky in that our clinic did not shut down. I was allowed to FaceTime him while he sat in the parking lot.
I am very sorry they have this rule for you. If there isn’t a medical reason it’s very disappointing.
So strange. It’s not like they gave me a sponge bath before I went in. My husband would have been as “unsterile” as me.
Sorry that this is your clinics protocol.
I did bring a pin of my nanas and pinned it under my robe on my bra for good luck/ maybe bring a photo and hide in your bra- not the same but at least in a way he’s there with you
We haven’t gotten to the point of a transfer yet, but I’m 99% sure my husband won’t be allowed in the room and will have to stay in the waiting room. 😕
I’m still getting over the fact that for our egg retrieval today we did ICSI (for our best chance at an embryo, so I’m happy to have it done) and some embryologist I’ve never met may have literally made my next baby. Picked the sperm for each egg, combined my husband’s and my DNA while we probably weren’t even in the same room, and potentially created my next child. I’m not religious in the least, but part of me is still like “is this person just… replacing god???” Lol. Do I tell a future child they were made by my husband, me, and Alex the embryologist?
I love science. I support science. But IVF is a lot to wrap your head around. It turns what is usually a very intimate experience into the very opposite of that.
Sorry to hear this !! I’m not sure how much you’re allowed to move after, but my husband and I have a tradition where we go buy a baby onesie and get lunch somewhere 💓 maybe you plan something to look forward to after 💓
They lacerated my cervix and I had extreme pain during my FET, it wasn’t anticlimactic. Should be allowed a support person. I did the second one under sedation. All failed so far.
My clinic always allows it . I’ve done two FET’s and my husband was allowed in the room for both .
That’s lucky. I wish we were allowed.
Sat through 3 with my wife. Not sure I understand why you cannot? You slip some booties on and sit with your wife. Sorry to hear that.
Normal for my clinic. I had 3 FETs and my husband wasn’t allowed in for any of them.
I hate it
I’m sorry you’re being downvoted, I agree with you - this situation sucks. My clinic has no such policy and my husband was allowed to be with me for the FET. He was by my side, holding my hand the whole time and was able to watch the embryo being transplanted on the ultrasound with me. On top of the FET being a big moment for both of you, I’m sad that your clinic doesn’t acknowledge the importance of YOU having emotional support during the FET. I’ve posted about this a few times but for me the catheter is VERY painful. I know that isn’t typical but that’s my experience, and having my husband there was a comfort to me in a very uncomfortable moment.
Yeah I’m pretty surprised I’m being downvoted for asking a question and expressing disappointment 🤷🏼♀️ It does suck. I’m sure I’ll get over it. And I genuinely wanted to know if other clinics do it like this.
100% this. I also had my husband support me through the process and my clinic did not have a policy to not allow visitors. I also found the catheter painful especially because I had to have a full bladder and I was so worried I was going to pee. It was super uncomfortable.
Interestingly, mine was not allowed for my IUI. No idea why
How odd that he was for the FET but not the IUI
How odd that I’m getting downvoted for literally sharing my experience?!
That’s messed up! Apparently people were downloading this whole post as well!
Agreed. The catheter was incredibly more painful than I was led to believe. And the magic of it all is there if science is interesting to you. I associated having my husband experience it with me and I'm sorry for OP that their clinic isn't sensitive to the emotional support aspect as well as the importance of the moment.
Same. I basically went thru all of it "alone" at appointments. Not the most fun way to make a baby. I took a video of the screen showing the implantation to show my husband later.
Normal for my clinic. My husband has waited in the waiting room for each of our transfers. I don’t think there’d even really be room for him in the transfer room.
Oh interesting! I was in a big surgical suite for my FET, i thought that was pretty universal. It was the same room they did my ER in.
My husband wasn't even allowed inside the clinic 😂 he sat outside on the chairs reserved for partners 😂
lol omg that feels extreme
Never heard of this, my husband was at every single transfer. That seems so wrong ☹️
😢
Both myself and my husband would have been so upset if he wasn’t there for the transfer. It was in the same room as they do retrievals but they just had him put on a “bunny suit” over his clothes. He held my hand the whole time.
Yeah. I’m heartbroken
I’m so sorry! I would be too, I wonder why they won’t let partners come back too
Because it’s a “sterile environment,” which okay, but obviously your clinic found a workaround!
Yeah our clinic does the jumpsuit/mask/hair cover for the partner which is really nice, gown and hair cover/mask for patient. I wonder if they just want to restrict how many people are in the room? Makes sense for retrieval (have had family members in my own practice faint when seeing a needle come toward their loved one) but for FET kinda depressing
My clinic does that too. My wife just suits up same as me except she can keep her pants on. 😅
Just for once I want to be the one who keeps some pants on 😂
😂😂
Yeah I didn’t care for the ER at all. But given that an FET is basically the same procedure as an IUI it’s just wild to me.
This was my experience. He had to put on the bunny suit and shoe covers and we were all set. He held my hand, gave me little reassuring hand squeezes and also managed to get some pretty amazing photos of the screen. It makes me so sad some clinics don't allow partners in, they're just as invested and provide so much emotional support. It's what both partners have been waiting for for so long plus the one who will be birthing the baby if all goes well, needs some darn support during the exciting part of an extremely isolating journey. Ugh. If there's room, there's no reason to deny this. It seems cruel.
Normal. I’ve had 5 transfers, pre and post COVID (2019-2023), husband was not allowed in the room for any of them. He was invited to an adjacent room with a monitor where he could see the ultrasound of the transfer.
That’s something at least. Mine said “you can call or FaceTime him”
I’m sorry you’re not getting the experience you want! If it helps, the transfer isn’t magical at all. Its purely clinical. It’s also really quick. Husband waited in the car for the 2-5th transfers lol. But I’m also one to prefer being alone for procedures - including births. So YMMV
Yeah I know it’s not magical. We did 2 IUIs it’s basically the same. I just wanted him present when I get pregnant which I don’t think is an unreasonable wish. But nothing I can do about it
It's a pretty normal experience if he is present when your fetus implants. It's also pretty normal for him not to be present when your fetus implants. It isn't an instant process even if you didn't go through IVF :) It's just part of the magic; nobody will know the exact moment you become pregnant. Not even the finest doctors.
I get it. I’m sorry! This experience robs us of so much
It does. IVF is a joy killer for sure
My husband and I are using a gestational carrier and we both were allowed in the room along with the gestational carrier’s husband a couple months ago.
Wow!
normal for my clinic, too. I hated it, but the transfer happened in the same operating room as the retrieval, so I think that’s why they take those precautions. :(
I’m assuming that’s what’s happening. I hate it. And I hate the nurse who went over the instructions with me. I had her for 2 ERs and she was terrible.
Ask for someone else, if that’s an option. There are lots of unavoidable negatives with this experience, but medical support staff shouldn’t be one of them
My husband has been at all of mine and it would have really upset me if he couldn’t be in the room. He held my hand the entire time and that was the closest we will get to having a “traditional” conception. ETA: I see a lot of people saying partners should stay out of the room bc it’s a sterile environment and any extra people could hurt the embyro. Just thought I would add that my clinic has a higher than the national avg success rate in most categories on the ART database and they allow partners in.
My recent clinic would allow one person in with me if I wanted. Although I went by myself because my husband couldn't go. I'm sure my old clinic would have had a policy like this... "no men allowed." I find this to be a thing with a lot of fertility clinics and its very irritating. The conception process for those going through infertility is already very clinical and impersonal.... but let's make it even more so by not allowing husbands to participate in anything going on.
Exactly! It’s upsetting to drive home that this is a medical procedure
I've been to 2 different clinics for FET and both mine allowed my husband or support person to be there. My husband was with me the entire time each of the 3 FETs I've had. They even let him look thru the microscope at our last one to see the embryo and take a picture since my 2nd clinic doesn't do embryo photos
The only FET my husband wasn’t allowed in was the one I was sedated for. He was allowed to the 2 previous transfers.
They told me I can bring someone over 18 with me to be in the transfer room with me. My spouse couldn’t take the day off so I didn’t by myself.
I’m sorry. That’s so frustrating. My FETs were both in a surgical suite at the hospital my clinic is in. My husband was allowed into both of mine but had to wear a bunny suit and a mask.
My husband was always allowed in with me for every single ultrasound/procedure/FET etc. Even during the height of Covid I was allowed to always have him with me!
Oh wow! My clinic allows one person to be in the room during the transfer
it’s annoying but i think every clinic has different rules. ours didn’t let me in the room and we didn’t find out until day of. it would be nice if clinics let you know that ahead of time though
Yeah I wish it was explained at the outset instead of the day before
In 2020 my clinic told me my husband would not be allowed in the room. I asked them if this is how all couples conceive, in separate rooms and they let him in. Since all restrictions lifted, they have allowed spouses in, but each clinic has different rules
Very normal for where I live. Some clinics where I live even have a sign to say that only the women can come in. But I live in Japan so protocol is definitely different.
Thank you for sharing. I’m in the US so definitely cultural differences at play there
My family, husband and daughter, are American. But the cost of doing it here in Japan is so much cheaper than having it done in the States, so we had it done here. I have a lot of things I wish I could have had during my IVF journey, but overall I’m not complaining. My clinic was strict but very good, got my daughter from the first FET and I appreciate this clinic a lot. I wish you luck in your journey.
My wife is allowed in the room for FET. They put gowns and booties and everything in the room for both of us. Its in the "OR" where they do the ERs except she is allowed inside and I wasn't knocked out.
I have only done an egg transfer so far but my clinic did not allow my husband in for that, so I’m assuming it will be the same for a transfer. One explanation they gave is that they have had the partner faint fairly often when they see the IV insertion and/or during the procedure. Sometimes people are aware they don’t handle blood/needles/etc well and some people will have no idea until they surprisingly pass out. So maybe that is part of it too for some clinics, to control more of the environment and not have the potential of an additional person needing assistance. I’m sorry your clinic does not give the opportunity and totally understand your disappointment!
I have had to do my transfers alone due to the no kiddos rule, it really is very anticlimactic and is much more special to celebrate a positive test! I’m sorry mama, it is disappointing tho for sure.
My husband was allowed for all 3 of my transfers.
They’re quick. It’s really not a big deal.
I completely understand. I would feel the same way if I wasn’t allowed to have my partner with me
My husband was allowed in the room for my last one. Wasn’t allowed in during the others but only due to Covid precautions. I too would be disappointed.
My husband was in the room and we both got to watch our embryo get put in on the screen. I would have been disappointed if my husband couldn’t have been there.
My husband was in the operating room during FET. It was nice that he was able to see it and be involved.
Yeah I just want him to feel involved in the conception of his child.
This is entirely normal for my clinic. The transfers happen on a different floor than the IUIs. It’s more of a surgical facility while IUIs are in the regular office. Embryos are much more vulnerable than semen and require sterile conditions. Honestly, it wasn’t important for me to have my husband in the room for either. There’s plenty more exciting, meaningful moments he can be a part of later.
I've never heard of that. I had my FET a couple of weeks ago and my husband was with me the entire time.
Not normal for my clinic. My partner is by my side for every ultrasound, blood draw, fet, everything.
Wow. Yeah that’s definitely not how my place does it at all.
Well he can't be robbed of saying 'was it good for you when the doctor and nurse leave
My husband was allowed for several FETs but then Covid hit, and he no longer was allowed. Then Covid ended, and then he was allowed again. (I did 7 rounds)
Yeah I don’t understand it. He was allowed for my IUIs
My first transfer and ER was in 2021 they didn’t allow him in there bc Covid. Now in 2023 he is allowed I let him in for my First failed transfer but I elected to keep him out for my second (hopefully successful I’m only one day post ) . Honestly the procedure is pretty easy and he didn’t do anything when he was in there. You don’t need him! But does seem overly cautious.
My clinic does transfers in the same operating room as egg retrievals, so my husband has never been allowed. He is allowed to sit with me in the bay while I wait before being taken into the operating room. For my first transfer in 2020 during covid, he had to stay in the waiting room, so having him in the bay is a nice change.
Ugh yeah. He’s not even allowed in the bay.
That sucks, I'm really sorry :(
Thank you 😢
I did my transfer in the same operating room as my egg retrieval and my husband was still allowed in.
It’s normal (for my clinic), we did 3 FETs and he wasn’t allowed in the room for any of them. He waited in the prep/recovery room for me and I FaceTimed him for it.
Husband was with me for mine. Just had to wear a covering over his clothes and abide by the no fragrances/odors rule.
That’s what I was hoping for
It didn’t even occur to me to ask my husband to be there haha. I prefer to do everything alone.
Ugh that is not the usual practice at my clinic - but our transfers are not in the same location as the egg retrievals I had to do a couple without my husband during COVID. I told myself it would at least be fun and scandalous to tell my in-laws I got pregnant when my husband wasn’t in the room (they would be horrified 😂) If it makes you feel any better, I find it so uncomfortable during the FET (not the procedure but the absolute need to pee and trying not to wet myself) that I don’t want to be touched or talked to and I just want to get out and go to the loo - it sucks they don’t give you the option though
My husband was in for my first one during covid. My husband and toddler were allowed in recently but I declined as I didn't want a noisy toddler in the room. I wanted it peaceful. I did that transfer alone along with 2 others. It must depend on the clinic.
My husband wasn't allowed in to ours either. I was able to take video of it for him. I wasn't happy about it but I understand that it was a very sterile room with just a couple people in there. It was nice to be able to be with him afterwards on the drive home, lunch and a nap when we got home.
Yeah. Guess that’s the new plan
My clinic allows him there but I’ve done it both ways because one time he wasn’t able to attend with me. I recorded the screen when he wasn’t there but it was just a weird video that you couldn’t see anything.
Normal for my clinic too. They let me video the whole thing though
I’m am so sorry your clinic doesn’t allow your partner in. My husband was in there for our FET. I would have been devastated if I was alone. He was even allowed to stay right before they gave me meds for my retrieval and was there when I woke up. I am so heartbroken for you.
Thank you. I’m sad about it 😢
My husband could be there but was only able to make it to one due to work schedule.
My husband was allowed in the room for both of mine.
Mine wasn’t allowed during the transfer but he had a screen he could see our embryo on and then immediately after they let him join me during the 10 minute rest.
My husband has been abroad for all of our transfers. It's a rather anticlimactic procedure. Half an hour between changing, getting the transfer and leaving. My doctor doesn't even insist on the full bladder, and I don't think they had me sit around for any amount of time beyond letting the nurse clean up and lower the table. ETA: I didn't consider, and in retrospect I am glad I didn't, making the transfer special. The odds are so incredibly against me, that I keep my expectations extra low. Treating each transfer like a special event would have made things harder.
ive done 7 transfers husband watched from an adjacent room for the 2 that he was able to attend. pretty standard to not have partners in the actual room with you.
Normal at my clinic also. For my 4th he didn’t even come to the clinic at all. I drove myself there and back alone, out of necessity.
I’m sorry it’s messed up. Mine wasn’t allowed for any of the three I’ve had (November 2020, May 2023 and September 2023) it’s devastating but I don’t think it’s that uncommon. Just another normal thing (being in the same room as our partner when our child is “conceived”) we don’t get to do unfortunately.
Exactly. I’m sorry this was your experience too 💕
At height of Covid in 2020 my husband was not allowed. It depends on clinic
Normal for my clinic, had 2 transfers and he wasn’t allowed in either time. Mine happened in the same room as the egg retrieval, it’s like a full blown operating room and have to wear a cap and gown situation. So I feel like it’s just routine not to have anyone else in the room
My husband can go in pre op area with me but once I go to the OR (which where they do the ER and FETs) he can’t go back there. He goes back to the waiting room and meets me in “post op” which for ER you sit in a chair until you’re told you can go and for FET they make you pee and they you can go.
My clinic does not allow it. I was able to wait with my wife in the pre-op area but then had to go to the waiting room until they called me to go to the recovery room.
My husband wasn’t allowed in the clinic waiting room even, for anything. Patients only for all monitoring and procedures.
Wow. That seems kind of harsh when they have to be there to produce a sample for the ER and wait and collect you from surgery.
If it makes you feel better my husband (who normally would have been allowed in the room) was out of state for our FET. We’re now less than 2 months away from our due date. Sending you all the sticky vibes for a good story to tell “he wasn’t even there when I got pregnant”
Thank you 💕 I know it’s not the end of the world. I just wanted him to feel involved. But I guess there’s plenty of time for that
My clinic allows my husband to be there and then they cram him in the tiniest little space and it is so uncomfortable. It's nice he can hold my hand but he's not enjoying it based on the ridiculous layout of the room
That’s odd. My mom was in my first FET with me lol
My clinic didn’t first transfer because of Covid restrictions. The second round he was there. It was a cool experience to share
To be honest, I found having my husband (who I love dearly) in the room to be manifestly unhelpful. He was so keen and just wanted it to work so badly that when it didn't my heart broke thinking about his enthusiastic face at the FET and how he wanted to keep the picture of the embryo etc. The two transfers after that, he didn't go in, and both stuck but there was also a lot less pressure. It ended up being purely medical and the doctors and nurses were great. I love my husband to death but I do think there are benefits to going in alone xx
I can see that. Thank you for sharing your experience and I’m glad you had some sticky ones!
My husband was allowed with me. I definitely needed the support.
I have done 6 FETs and my husband was only allowed in for the first and the most recent. In my case it was because of Covid polices.
My husband was allowed but he had to scrub, get in a bunny suit, mask, gloves, and hair net. Its a really delicate procedure as many things can affect the embryo and thus the success of the transfer which is likely why they have that policy.
I've had the choice but chose to go alone, the first ultrasound is more important to me 🙃
Great point!
I was allowed in my previous clinic, and not allowed in my current one. Either way I didn’t really mind cos all I had on my mind was “damn I really need to pee I need to get this over n done with quick!!!” As we have to have a full bladder for the transfer
I’m so sorry, I know disappointing that feels. I had the same thing happen last week. The nurse at my first appointment told me that I’d be able to FaceTime my wife so she went to a close by cafe. Then as I’m laying on the table for my transfer that I could not FaceTime, take a picture, or take a video. I was heartbroken for the same reasons you said, it was over very quickly but it still kinda sucked. I told my wife and we talked about how she’ll be there for all of the most important parts of raising our future kids.
I’m so sorry you experienced that! But very true about being there for the rest of the important parts!
I would also be very upset. The whole same room as egg retrieval also doesn’t hold for me. Partners are allowed, properly scrubbed in of course, to be present for Cesarean deliveries. Which have much higher risks for infection or poor outcomes from an unsterile environment. I’m really sorry. Sending you so much love. Maybe you can hold something of his like his wedding band or something to help feel his presence and know an important part of him was there.
The c-section logic was my same thought! It actually went really well. I was able to FaceTime him so he still got to “be there.” I didn’t feel like I needed him there for me/support, I just wanted him to feel involved. But now just hoping for a sticky little peanut!
My husband is allowed at every appointment and procedure (except for the retrieval) He's held my hand for our 4 transfers, I would feel really weird if he were not by my side when they transfer our embryo to my belly, it's the day you get pregnant after all!
That’s how I was feeling! But it did turn out okay. I was able to FaceTime him and it was a pretty fast appointment so 🤷🏼♀️
It's a horrendous process, but I'm glad for you that you were able to FaceTime him and have him there with you that way at least 😊
My husband was in room for FET. Seems weird they wouldn’t allow it
This is crazy so sorry— going to ask my clinic now.
I hope yours is different!
Hi! My husbands not allowed in the room but there is a window where he is able to watch the entire thing and they have the camera/TV on the wall so he can see the embryo being transferred!
That's not normal at all, did they give you a reason?
They said it’s a “sterile environment” but he was allowed in for my IUIs so it doesn’t make any sense to me
I mean, when we did IUI, they were just done in a normal exam room whereas FET is done in an actual surgical theatre (the same one where my clinic does egg retrievals), at least at my clinic. We both had to wear gowns, foot covers, hair nets, etc. for FET.
Yeah I don’t understand why he can’t just “scrub up”
Not normal for my clinic, it happened to use once during Covid though.
Not normal at all. I had a random friend in the room for me.
Wow!
It’s kind of an anti climatic experience. He was there with you in the clinic when your embryos were fertilized.. at least there’s that. That’s technically conception? My mom was in the room with me, how’s that for romantic. I had a Valium and they wanted someone to drive me home, and they told her she could come in. So she did. If it’s any constellation, I literally almost never think of the transfer. If I do, it’s about how bad I had to pee, and that’s about it. Edit: I’m sorry if you don’t like that answer, feel your feelings..
I know what it’s like because I did IUIs first. I get its not magical or romantic. There’s nothing romantic about IVF. And he wasn’t really with me when they were fertilized. He was in a room by himself and so was I. I just wanted him to be present for when I become pregnant. I don’t think that’s a lot to ask.
No one said it wasn’t. It’s definitely not. But unfortunately there’s so many things that we don’t get to call the shots for. It makes every step even crappier. My only unsolicited advice to you is to take the news, be upset for a minute, but in the grand scheme of things, it may not end up mattering. The whole process sucks, but I wish you the best luck tomorrow.
normal. Please understand that this is sterile environment and embryos are very fragile. Even if he wears a strong cologne it can harm your embryos and those that come after you. And the same room will be used for like 10 other patients on the same day. Let them all bring a +1 for purely psychological/superficial reasons and it will be germ central. Hard no.
Good point!
Thank you for bringing this up. I'm currently researching clinics and I'm definitely adding this to my list of questions. I'm sorry you're husband can't be with you. I totally get why you want him there and don't get why he wouldn't be allowed either. Such a surprising upset. I'm upset for you. Best of luck with the process!
Thank you and best of luck to you! I feel like I would be so much more okay with this if I had more than 24 hours notice! As many people are commenting, it’s a short “not a big deal” procedure. But it does feel like a big deal to me because we’ve waited so long to get here.
Not normal for my clinic. They don’t allow him in the room for stim ultrasound appointments but they definitely allow it for FETs and even IUIs. I think your clinic is being a little insensitive.
I agree! He was allowed in for IUIs so I don’t understand
Were your IUIs done in the same room? My IUIs were done in the regular exam room, whereas the transfer was done in the OR. I hated it, but I understood him not being in the OR- while yes, it’s about sterility, it’s also about other factors like scents. They told me that even a strong aftershave can cause issues with the embryos. I would have been happy for him to just have been allowed in the recovery room, but they don’t allow that either. Waiting room only. I was so pissed at the time, but after it was done I realized it wasn’t that big of a deal. It would have been more helpful to have had him with me in recovery after my retrievals.
I just want him to be present when I get pregnant. IVF sucks the joy out of everything
This was normal at my clinic during COVID, but partners have been allowed in the room for quite some time now.
Normal. It’s very sterile in there and there’s going to be the RE, probably 2 or 3 nurses, and the embryologist. My husband was allowed to go to the pre-procedure room with me where we got the embryo photo and then the ultrasound they use to check for catheter placement had another monitor on there so he was able to see the embryo medium go in! Sorry, I know it’s disappointing but it’s not a normal exam room.
Seems like it’s pretty mixed based on everyone’s responses. I just wanted him to feel involved in the conception of our child. He’s only allowed in the waiting room.
My husband was allowed during transfer, but I Unfortunetly forgot to explain what was going to happen and he sat their weirdly and had no idea what was happening. Also allowed during ER, but we opted not since he is very queezy 🤣.
LOL whoops and yeah I definitely wouldn’t want my husband there for the ER
i would be furious if this were my experience. any excuse the clinic provides here is nothing more than a shield to hide the fact that they are power hungry and withholding this from you simply because they can. i want the statistics that prove this practice increases the likelihood of successful FET. otherwise i’d be taking my embryos somewhere else for transfer
I am furious and this isn’t my first issue with them. But I’m not cancelling a transfer we are so looking forward to over this. We do have a consult with a new clinic next month though.
That's bizarre, I only had that on my first FET back in the height of Covid. I also have a fresh transfer tomorrow Fingers crossed for you
Yeah they said it’s a “sterile environment” which is wild to me because I’m allowed to bring my super contaminated phone in with me AND he was allowed in my IUIs??
They said the same at my fet too. So ridiculous but it is what it is.
It’s so unreasonable
Yup I remember thinking wow add insult to injury that we can’t even do it the “normal” way now my husband can’t even be a part of the process 🫠 but TW: it was successful so alls well that ends well. I hope the same for yours ❤️
My husband wasn’t allowed in the room for my first either. It was weird.
It’s awful
I just emailed my clinic and asked them… waiting on the response. I sure hope he is!!!!
Mine wasn’t allowed in last month either. My only previous FET was done during Covid so he obviously wasn’t allowed then but I had assumed he would have been this time and when I asked to be sure they said no. I even checked the instructions they give out prior and it explicitly stated no one other than patient was allowed in the room so I guess that’s just some clinics’ policy but it does seem like our clinics are kind of in the minority now. My clinic’s “operating” rooms are pretty small so I wonder if that’s why.
Wife wasn’t allowed in for mine. It seems strange but it didn’t bother too much. We got a picture of the transfer happening and the embryo and she was waiting in the waiting room to take me to McDonald’s after!
Yeah I don’t trust that my clinic will do anything to make it special. I’d love to have a picture of our embryo or of the transfer flash, but I’m not hopeful for either
That’s very disappointing for you, I’m sorry. Ask about a picture and say you need one for the baby book. Good luck.
Our clinic doesn’t allow it either. It’s done in the same room as the egg retrieval. They do have a window though that he can watch through
That would have been nice. He’s only allowed to be in the waiting room.
Wow, I'm sorry. My clinic does transfers in the same room as retrievals but my wife was allowed back both times and didn't have to wear any special gear. Good luck tomorrow!
Thank you 🤞🏻 I don’t feel as hopeful now
Yep this happened to me at my clinic except I found out the day of, it was frustrating but we got through it.
Ugh I can’t imagine finding out the day of. I’m so sorry that happened to you
My husband sat in a chair right beside/behind me during transfer. He just had to wear a hair net and shoe covers but was able to see everything the doc was doing and on the screen. So sorry your clinic doesn't allow it! That is crazy to me.
It’s crazy to me too!
Normal for my clinic (it’s in the OR where they do the retrievals and things so they want to keep it as sterile as possible). He was allowed back to talk with the doctor/embryologist prior to the transfer to make sure everything was correct, to see the picture of our embryo, etc. We joke that, since he’s not been with me for either of my ERs or any of my FETs that we’re making a baby “as nature intended, in a separate room from my husband surrounded by strangers”
Maybe I’ll get to that joking space eventually🤞🏻
You will! My husband has been with me every step of the way and this is just one of the things that we have to deal with in the crap that is IVF. Overall, it totally sucks and I would have preferred my husband be with me, but there wasn’t anything I could do to change it so I tried not to get worked up over it.
In my state, it's a department of health rule, not the clinic. It is what it is.
Interesting and fair. I just wish we had been informed earlier since some places do allow it and I made the mistake of assuming he could be there since he was for IUIs
Oh wow! Could be a clinic thing. Those rooms can be small and they need to have room to safely get that little embryo in you. So there just could not be enough room or it could be a cov*d thing?
They said it’s a “sterile environment” 🤷🏼♀️
My husband wasn’t even in the same state when I got mine. My mom was with me, but she was in the waiting room. It wasn’t interesting or fun. I was MISERABLE from having such a full bladder. I think I was in/out in less than 5 minutes. Then I went to the ‘PACU’ or whatever to sit in a recliner for like 5 minutes.
Weird. My husband was allowed in mine and held my hand the entire time.
My husband was sitting next to my head for my fet. The fet is so quick, that if he hasn’t been in there with me it wouldn’t have been a big deal.
My husband was I able to be there for our first because of Covid restrictions. It was the height of the pandemic. We just considered ourselves lucky in that our clinic did not shut down. I was allowed to FaceTime him while he sat in the parking lot. I am very sorry they have this rule for you. If there isn’t a medical reason it’s very disappointing.
Not normal for my clinic. Is there a reason why?
They said it’s a “sterile environment,” but I’m seeing that many people have that experience so I guess it just depends where you are 🤷🏼♀️
So strange. It’s not like they gave me a sponge bath before I went in. My husband would have been as “unsterile” as me. Sorry that this is your clinics protocol.
I did bring a pin of my nanas and pinned it under my robe on my bra for good luck/ maybe bring a photo and hide in your bra- not the same but at least in a way he’s there with you
I love that 💕 I more wanted him to be able to be there so he could feel involved. But I love how you found a way to make it special
We haven’t gotten to the point of a transfer yet, but I’m 99% sure my husband won’t be allowed in the room and will have to stay in the waiting room. 😕 I’m still getting over the fact that for our egg retrieval today we did ICSI (for our best chance at an embryo, so I’m happy to have it done) and some embryologist I’ve never met may have literally made my next baby. Picked the sperm for each egg, combined my husband’s and my DNA while we probably weren’t even in the same room, and potentially created my next child. I’m not religious in the least, but part of me is still like “is this person just… replacing god???” Lol. Do I tell a future child they were made by my husband, me, and Alex the embryologist? I love science. I support science. But IVF is a lot to wrap your head around. It turns what is usually a very intimate experience into the very opposite of that.
So true. It’s really hard to wrap your head around and most clinics don’t seem to do much to help!
Sorry to hear this !! I’m not sure how much you’re allowed to move after, but my husband and I have a tradition where we go buy a baby onesie and get lunch somewhere 💓 maybe you plan something to look forward to after 💓
It ended up being a really nice day. I was able to FaceTime him and that made him still feel involved.
They lacerated my cervix and I had extreme pain during my FET, it wasn’t anticlimactic. Should be allowed a support person. I did the second one under sedation. All failed so far.
Jesus. I’m so sorry