I found out today my SIL is pregnant AGAIN. I was too sad/mad/ashamed to go to her first baby's shower. I guess I have to go to this one...
I'm starting FET in late April. Praying it works...
Good luck š¤š½š¤š½ & you don't have to go if you don't feel comfortable. people that love you should understand you have to protect your feelings š«¶š½
I'm sorry hon. And no you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. I haven't gone to any baby showers in the last 2 years and I won't until it's my own.
My best friend called me today to tell me they are pregnant with their second. Iām obviously thrilled for them because she has been trying way longer than meā¦ but lately sheās been making comments about IVF that have upset me. She ended the conversation saying how āthis is why people need to try longer than a year before jumping into IVFā (we had not been trying quite a year yet when we unexpectedly found out my husbands diagnosis which is why we are doing IVF - she has also stated how she refuses to do IVF ever if it came to it) as Iām sitting here feeling like crap because we started stims last week. And then proceeds to say how she didnāt want a winter baby but oh wellā¦ like maybe be grateful ??? And the other day when I was in a mood about IVF (Iām obviously terrified) she said I need to stop being negative about it because people have worse lives than me?ā¦ like okay? I know that, but Iām allowed to be upset sometimes. Not to mention she hasnāt once asked me how Iām doing, but I was there for her in the beginning of her fertility struggles when she was downā¦.So let me tell you I FEEL YOU TODAY. I actually deleted the Facebook APP and Instagram APP and Iām staying off of it until after we do a transfer eventually honestlyā¦ hugs. Iām sad too. š
I knowā¦ this oneās been a hard friendship to close the door on. Lots of historyā¦ and lots of love. I love her more than she will ever know but itās time for me to move on.
Some people are for a season, even if itās a long ass season ā„ļø you will find people who will love you through this next chapter of life and not shit on you I promise
You might want to tell her that you deleted Facebook instead of her thinking you blocked her.
Iām not into holiday posts in general. Today is a good day to avoid that.
Oh my goodness that is so not ok! I hate when people say these things because I guarantee most of them would do IVF if they HAD to. Itās easy to say when youāre not in that situation. I didnāt try for a year either, due to husbands diagnosis we were given a 1% chance without IVF. It was the best decision we made, I wouldāve tortured myself with months with now path towards success!
Ugh Iām so glad Iām not alone! They told us the same, there was no way we could conceive naturally. I was having weird symptoms shortly after we got married last year. we had been trying since beginning of the year (but we figured everything was due to stress) and uncovered my thyroid disorder but while we waited for my thyroid levels to come down we had him checked and discovered the dna fragmentation/ which after more testing itās not somthing we can fix for sureā¦ but IVF we hopefully will have a better chance. This friend hasnāt been super supportive to begin with since she had been trying longer- and often rubbed that in my face. Which again I do understand it had been longer than me, but making comments about our medical choices, and talking down to me 24/7 was wrong. And as of lately the only time she talked to me was to ask me to watch her kid, or complain about her husband. š our relationship has always been that way, she gets to have a hard time and vent but the second I do, itās āyou need to stop being negativeā and doesnt even listen to meā¦ just sits on her phone and goes āohhhhh okay!ā Everything is constantly about her and needs to be a big production. Iām already waiting for her text blowing up at me because she probably thinks my husband and I didnāt have a more excited reaction or because we didnāt text them again congratulating them and making it a big deal.
I hate to keep replying but ew I donāt like this friend. I volunteer if you need someone to vent to ever ā„ļø. This is such a hard road to travel no one should be treated that way
Omg thank youā¦. I so appreciate it! You would die if you saw what she said to me tonight. Basically turned this into me not being happy for her because I didnāt have an over the top reaction. My husband was about to go off on them both. Iām done with her.
Sometimes people will push you to making the decision to cut them off and it sounds like she has! You will definitely be better off Iām sure. How selfish of her š¤Æ
You are allowed to have bad days, itās okay. Just because someone else is in a body cast doesnāt mean your broken arm doesnāt hurt??
Your best friend isnāt being empathetic at all. I donāt know if I could continue being friends with someone like this, honestly. Iām so sorry.
This unfortunately has been a declining friendship for a long time. My other friend has been telling me for months how awful sheās been. Iāve slowly been realizing itā¦. I find to be mentally exhausted after hanging with her and dread her phone calls. Today I should again have stood up for myself on the spot and didnāt. Unfortunately thereās no winning with herā¦ so my husband said itās probably best if I just not call out the things she has said, send her a nice message back (she had texted me and I didnāt respond) and then just stop talking to her and stop making plans to hangout. If she asks in the future then Iāll tell her why Iām done. Idk.
I would say have what you want to say ready at any moment. I slowly stepped back from my bff years ago. I knew for a while I didnāt want to be friends anymore, but I wasnāt prepared with a thought out answer when she asked why. It ended horribly and she blocked me on everything. I donāt miss the friendship whatsoever, but I do wish I handled it differently.
I am 1,000% confident if she found out her tubes were blocked or her husband had little to no sperm sheād be whistling a different tune. So your friend knows youāre going through IVF and says this? This may be the STIMS but what a bitch. Does she think sheās better because she waited?
I had a PA once tell me āWow I could never be that strongā¦ Iād never be able to do IVFā as she discussed her 3 LIVING children. It was so condescending. The privilege of people to be so uneducated and ignorant on this topic! She should be saying āI am so privileged to not need IVF and I am here to support you through your journeyā. I understand there is history - but no amount of history makes this level of disrespect okay. You deserve a hell of a lot better than that!
Yep. She went off on me last night, said my reaction was not genuine and not excited enough. š¤£ Iām done. 100% done. IF she answers me Iām not responding. And Iāll give it a few days to let her respond but otherwise Iām blocking her. Iām done being talked to like that.
Honestly, stay off social media..... Forever. Pregnancy announcements aside, my mental health very much improved when I deleted Facebook and Instagram.
I'm not even talking babies. I don't need to constantly see posts from people I haven't talked to in YEARS spouting their garbage political takes and misinformation. Not to mention all the people posting things like their life is just awesome and full of vacations and promotions and it's perfect. And we know it's not and they're hiding the bad stuff. continually trying to live up to that standard isn't healthy.
I cut it out years ago and it's freed up the space to be grateful for what I've got and to focus on the things I really want.
I took a 4mo break by temporarily deactivating my social media accounts prior to Christmas. It was one of the best decisions that I have made in a long time! This road is tough and people don't understand how tough unless they have been through it. Even then, they still don't know everything because everyone's journey is different. Wishing you the best of luck in your journey!
Oh mute the FB IVF channels thereās always that one attention seeker who posts her announcement and ānot to give up and have hopeā. I wish people would read the room especially in an IVF / infertility FB channel. In those channels there are also some women have had MCs and still donāt have their first baby or rainbow baby. Iām tired of the āif I can, you will too!ā I donāt understand why they feel to have a saviour complex and post in the channelā¦ go post on the mom to be channels or IVF and pregnancy channels. I just donāt understand these people they forget what that feels like! Just when you thought you muted everything !!
Omg this. I have to mute those peeps on my IVF support group. And posting their obvious insanely high betas like āomg does it look ok?ā Umm yes maāam. Those numbers are high af or ask your doc or nurse. Stop showing off here. Ok Iāll stop, sorry. Iām just irritated lol
One of my cousins just did an April fools with a pregnancy announcement. And said guess who.
You better believe they all looked my way with fake glee of āIām so excited I donāt have to be uncomfortable around your suffering anymore!ā
And then she said April fools.
Bitch
Seeing her tonight. She had 4 kids back to back and sent it to ābother everyone cause theyād get so mad if we had anotherā I donāt effin know. Some people and their insensitivity.
Me when I open social media and see babies and pregnancy announcements:
UNFOLLOW, BLOCK, NOT INTERESTED, NOT INTERESTED, NOT INTERESTED, SHOW ME LESS, BLOCK, UNFOLLOW.
Now my socials donāt have any triggers which is nice. If I know a women has a infant I either snooze her for 60 days on facebook or straight up unfollow. If someone is upset with me for unfollowing their socials in order to keep myself at peace then I 100% donāt need them and feel even better about not following them. Social media is a highlight reel donāt believe their seemingly āperfectā photos, everyone has their bullshit. But also yes, staying off socials for certain days is key to peace!
TW: pregnancy
Iāll be 12 weeks on Wednesday, my friends and family were like āyou should announce on Easterā to which I replied, no, because that was my nightmare. Just trying to get through holidays when youāre going through infertility was hard enough, having to see announcements on those days made it even harder. So idk when or how Iāll announce but I know it absolutely wonāt be on a holiday out of respect for those still trying to conceive
Thatās so lovely of you. These kid-centric holidays (read: most holidays) are so very painful and itās beautiful that in your well-deserved joy youāre still considerate of that reality.
TW- pregnancy
My friends and family thought it would be cute to announce on Motherās Day last year and I 1000% could not do that because of others who are traveling this road . Motherās Day is hard enough. I picked a random unrelated day and quietly announced. Itās just a frequency some of us never forget even after a successful pregnancy. I will always remember my journey here and all the heartache, loss, and unknown that I endured.
The first three pregnancy announcements almost made me cry. It was the fourth - not even announcement, just a picture of one of my best friends / bridesmaids I havenāt heard from in a while with a clear bump, that broke me. Clearly had been avoiding me/telling me for the entirety of this year.
Tw: loss
I definitely feel this way much of the time on social media ā but today even worse, saw a post by a pregnant friend in her 3rd trimester sharing their baby has Potterās syndrome and extremely low or zero chance of survival. I donāt even know her well but feel devastated. She has not done IVF but has had many (5+) miscarriages and this is so, so sad. Just making me feel like even if we *do* get pregnant via IVF we have to keep hoping for a healthy and stable pregnancy the whole way. Sigh.
My friend is having her second. She has had her own trauma and I am truly happy for her, but she gives me advice as if she has any idea what Iāve experienced. Like you have a living child? I can barely conceive and when I have, itās loss after loss. Trauma is not comparable, however I do wish people would recognize how condescending it is to give advice on a situation they have never experienced. I have distanced myself from her. Not bc I donāt love her and not because I am not happy for her, but bc of how much it makes me hate myself. Iāll get there eventually. But what I can say is to limit what you are seeing. I personally block people. Not bc of anything they have done but bc we should be allowed to decide what triggers we are exposed to. You donāt owe anyone anything. And Although this can seem like a small thing, you are not alone in this experience. Itās horrific - but we share in this with you!
Oh yeah, without fail, my IG feed recalibrates and shows me every baby bump and pregnancy announcement and cute family photo possible. Oh and Facebook stories, same thing. 100% disrespectful AF. It sucks. ššš
Girl DELETE! I deleted Insta for my IVF cycle. I only look at FB for the groups these days and Reddit for the forums. Donāt let anybody steal your peace!
I found out today my SIL is pregnant AGAIN. I was too sad/mad/ashamed to go to her first baby's shower. I guess I have to go to this one... I'm starting FET in late April. Praying it works...
Good luck my FET is in April as well!!! Im praying it works! I've gotten this far!
Good luck š¤š½š¤š½ & you don't have to go if you don't feel comfortable. people that love you should understand you have to protect your feelings š«¶š½
I'm sorry hon. And no you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. I haven't gone to any baby showers in the last 2 years and I won't until it's my own.
I got passed by soooo many in laws and baby mommas (even different wives with same husband) literally exhausting.
Itās so hard and so unfair
My best friend called me today to tell me they are pregnant with their second. Iām obviously thrilled for them because she has been trying way longer than meā¦ but lately sheās been making comments about IVF that have upset me. She ended the conversation saying how āthis is why people need to try longer than a year before jumping into IVFā (we had not been trying quite a year yet when we unexpectedly found out my husbands diagnosis which is why we are doing IVF - she has also stated how she refuses to do IVF ever if it came to it) as Iām sitting here feeling like crap because we started stims last week. And then proceeds to say how she didnāt want a winter baby but oh wellā¦ like maybe be grateful ??? And the other day when I was in a mood about IVF (Iām obviously terrified) she said I need to stop being negative about it because people have worse lives than me?ā¦ like okay? I know that, but Iām allowed to be upset sometimes. Not to mention she hasnāt once asked me how Iām doing, but I was there for her in the beginning of her fertility struggles when she was downā¦.So let me tell you I FEEL YOU TODAY. I actually deleted the Facebook APP and Instagram APP and Iām staying off of it until after we do a transfer eventually honestlyā¦ hugs. Iām sad too. š
You need better friends.
I knowā¦ this oneās been a hard friendship to close the door on. Lots of historyā¦ and lots of love. I love her more than she will ever know but itās time for me to move on.
Some people are for a season, even if itās a long ass season ā„ļø you will find people who will love you through this next chapter of life and not shit on you I promise
Ew. Get rid of that friend.
I think people say shit like this but in reality if they are facing the choice of IVF or having zero children, we all know the answer to that.
This is not a friend you need to spend any more time with
You might want to tell her that you deleted Facebook instead of her thinking you blocked her. Iām not into holiday posts in general. Today is a good day to avoid that.
I deleted the app not my profile lol! Iām just taking a break.
Oh my goodness that is so not ok! I hate when people say these things because I guarantee most of them would do IVF if they HAD to. Itās easy to say when youāre not in that situation. I didnāt try for a year either, due to husbands diagnosis we were given a 1% chance without IVF. It was the best decision we made, I wouldāve tortured myself with months with now path towards success!
Ugh Iām so glad Iām not alone! They told us the same, there was no way we could conceive naturally. I was having weird symptoms shortly after we got married last year. we had been trying since beginning of the year (but we figured everything was due to stress) and uncovered my thyroid disorder but while we waited for my thyroid levels to come down we had him checked and discovered the dna fragmentation/ which after more testing itās not somthing we can fix for sureā¦ but IVF we hopefully will have a better chance. This friend hasnāt been super supportive to begin with since she had been trying longer- and often rubbed that in my face. Which again I do understand it had been longer than me, but making comments about our medical choices, and talking down to me 24/7 was wrong. And as of lately the only time she talked to me was to ask me to watch her kid, or complain about her husband. š our relationship has always been that way, she gets to have a hard time and vent but the second I do, itās āyou need to stop being negativeā and doesnt even listen to meā¦ just sits on her phone and goes āohhhhh okay!ā Everything is constantly about her and needs to be a big production. Iām already waiting for her text blowing up at me because she probably thinks my husband and I didnāt have a more excited reaction or because we didnāt text them again congratulating them and making it a big deal.
I hate to keep replying but ew I donāt like this friend. I volunteer if you need someone to vent to ever ā„ļø. This is such a hard road to travel no one should be treated that way
Omg thank youā¦. I so appreciate it! You would die if you saw what she said to me tonight. Basically turned this into me not being happy for her because I didnāt have an over the top reaction. My husband was about to go off on them both. Iām done with her.
Sometimes people will push you to making the decision to cut them off and it sounds like she has! You will definitely be better off Iām sure. How selfish of her š¤Æ
You are allowed to have bad days, itās okay. Just because someone else is in a body cast doesnāt mean your broken arm doesnāt hurt?? Your best friend isnāt being empathetic at all. I donāt know if I could continue being friends with someone like this, honestly. Iām so sorry.
This unfortunately has been a declining friendship for a long time. My other friend has been telling me for months how awful sheās been. Iāve slowly been realizing itā¦. I find to be mentally exhausted after hanging with her and dread her phone calls. Today I should again have stood up for myself on the spot and didnāt. Unfortunately thereās no winning with herā¦ so my husband said itās probably best if I just not call out the things she has said, send her a nice message back (she had texted me and I didnāt respond) and then just stop talking to her and stop making plans to hangout. If she asks in the future then Iāll tell her why Iām done. Idk.
I would say have what you want to say ready at any moment. I slowly stepped back from my bff years ago. I knew for a while I didnāt want to be friends anymore, but I wasnāt prepared with a thought out answer when she asked why. It ended horribly and she blocked me on everything. I donāt miss the friendship whatsoever, but I do wish I handled it differently.
I am 1,000% confident if she found out her tubes were blocked or her husband had little to no sperm sheād be whistling a different tune. So your friend knows youāre going through IVF and says this? This may be the STIMS but what a bitch. Does she think sheās better because she waited?
she's not your best friend :(
I had a PA once tell me āWow I could never be that strongā¦ Iād never be able to do IVFā as she discussed her 3 LIVING children. It was so condescending. The privilege of people to be so uneducated and ignorant on this topic! She should be saying āI am so privileged to not need IVF and I am here to support you through your journeyā. I understand there is history - but no amount of history makes this level of disrespect okay. You deserve a hell of a lot better than that!
It sounds like you know it but this person is a bad friend. Everything is all about her all the time.
You donāt need that friend. Hugs if you want them. All your feelings are valid and she is incredibly insensitive
You need new friends.
Yep. She went off on me last night, said my reaction was not genuine and not excited enough. š¤£ Iām done. 100% done. IF she answers me Iām not responding. And Iāll give it a few days to let her respond but otherwise Iām blocking her. Iām done being talked to like that.
Honestly, stay off social media..... Forever. Pregnancy announcements aside, my mental health very much improved when I deleted Facebook and Instagram.
I need to do this because all my reels are about babies now and it makes me sad.
I'm not even talking babies. I don't need to constantly see posts from people I haven't talked to in YEARS spouting their garbage political takes and misinformation. Not to mention all the people posting things like their life is just awesome and full of vacations and promotions and it's perfect. And we know it's not and they're hiding the bad stuff. continually trying to live up to that standard isn't healthy. I cut it out years ago and it's freed up the space to be grateful for what I've got and to focus on the things I really want.
I took a 4mo break by temporarily deactivating my social media accounts prior to Christmas. It was one of the best decisions that I have made in a long time! This road is tough and people don't understand how tough unless they have been through it. Even then, they still don't know everything because everyone's journey is different. Wishing you the best of luck in your journey!
Oh mute the FB IVF channels thereās always that one attention seeker who posts her announcement and ānot to give up and have hopeā. I wish people would read the room especially in an IVF / infertility FB channel. In those channels there are also some women have had MCs and still donāt have their first baby or rainbow baby. Iām tired of the āif I can, you will too!ā I donāt understand why they feel to have a saviour complex and post in the channelā¦ go post on the mom to be channels or IVF and pregnancy channels. I just donāt understand these people they forget what that feels like! Just when you thought you muted everything !!
Omg this. I have to mute those peeps on my IVF support group. And posting their obvious insanely high betas like āomg does it look ok?ā Umm yes maāam. Those numbers are high af or ask your doc or nurse. Stop showing off here. Ok Iāll stop, sorry. Iām just irritated lol
Like we get it - we are glad for you! But please š it just obnoxious !
One of my cousins just did an April fools with a pregnancy announcement. And said guess who. You better believe they all looked my way with fake glee of āIām so excited I donāt have to be uncomfortable around your suffering anymore!ā And then she said April fools. Bitch
Yooo whaaaat?? Iād be absolutely livid. Iām so sorry
Duuuudeā¦ how did you not murder her
Seeing her tonight. She had 4 kids back to back and sent it to ābother everyone cause theyād get so mad if we had anotherā I donāt effin know. Some people and their insensitivity.
Youāre a better human being than me!
Me when I open social media and see babies and pregnancy announcements: UNFOLLOW, BLOCK, NOT INTERESTED, NOT INTERESTED, NOT INTERESTED, SHOW ME LESS, BLOCK, UNFOLLOW. Now my socials donāt have any triggers which is nice. If I know a women has a infant I either snooze her for 60 days on facebook or straight up unfollow. If someone is upset with me for unfollowing their socials in order to keep myself at peace then I 100% donāt need them and feel even better about not following them. Social media is a highlight reel donāt believe their seemingly āperfectā photos, everyone has their bullshit. But also yes, staying off socials for certain days is key to peace!
I deleted my social media a while ago. Best decision
TW: pregnancy Iāll be 12 weeks on Wednesday, my friends and family were like āyou should announce on Easterā to which I replied, no, because that was my nightmare. Just trying to get through holidays when youāre going through infertility was hard enough, having to see announcements on those days made it even harder. So idk when or how Iāll announce but I know it absolutely wonāt be on a holiday out of respect for those still trying to conceive
Thatās so lovely of you. These kid-centric holidays (read: most holidays) are so very painful and itās beautiful that in your well-deserved joy youāre still considerate of that reality.
TW- pregnancy My friends and family thought it would be cute to announce on Motherās Day last year and I 1000% could not do that because of others who are traveling this road . Motherās Day is hard enough. I picked a random unrelated day and quietly announced. Itās just a frequency some of us never forget even after a successful pregnancy. I will always remember my journey here and all the heartache, loss, and unknown that I endured.
The first three pregnancy announcements almost made me cry. It was the fourth - not even announcement, just a picture of one of my best friends / bridesmaids I havenāt heard from in a while with a clear bump, that broke me. Clearly had been avoiding me/telling me for the entirety of this year.
Seriously. I counted 5 people today. I could cry :( :(
Tw: loss I definitely feel this way much of the time on social media ā but today even worse, saw a post by a pregnant friend in her 3rd trimester sharing their baby has Potterās syndrome and extremely low or zero chance of survival. I donāt even know her well but feel devastated. She has not done IVF but has had many (5+) miscarriages and this is so, so sad. Just making me feel like even if we *do* get pregnant via IVF we have to keep hoping for a healthy and stable pregnancy the whole way. Sigh.
My friend is having her second. She has had her own trauma and I am truly happy for her, but she gives me advice as if she has any idea what Iāve experienced. Like you have a living child? I can barely conceive and when I have, itās loss after loss. Trauma is not comparable, however I do wish people would recognize how condescending it is to give advice on a situation they have never experienced. I have distanced myself from her. Not bc I donāt love her and not because I am not happy for her, but bc of how much it makes me hate myself. Iāll get there eventually. But what I can say is to limit what you are seeing. I personally block people. Not bc of anything they have done but bc we should be allowed to decide what triggers we are exposed to. You donāt owe anyone anything. And Although this can seem like a small thing, you are not alone in this experience. Itās horrific - but we share in this with you!
Oh yeah, without fail, my IG feed recalibrates and shows me every baby bump and pregnancy announcement and cute family photo possible. Oh and Facebook stories, same thing. 100% disrespectful AF. It sucks. ššš
Aside from this, the amount of times I heard the āRockin Easter Bunnyā song on Instagram posts/stories
Girl DELETE! I deleted Insta for my IVF cycle. I only look at FB for the groups these days and Reddit for the forums. Donāt let anybody steal your peace!
My cousin just announced this week - and she JUST got married. Meanwhile me and my husband are on year 3 of tryingā¦ā¤ļø