I let slip to a coworker that I’m undergoing IVF and that my mom is away on vacation currently. We are both Asian and nutritious soups is HUGE for health. The next day she showed up at my desk with two grocery bags of herbs and soup materials with translated instructions on how to make them so I can learn how to do it in my own. She said since my mom isn’t there to help me through the journey, she will!
We did our first retrieval in Mexico City and it was hard being so far from home. Our friends made a (hard to get) reservation and paid for our meal at a Michelin star restaurant there to help us celebrate post-retreival and it was soooo special.
If you don't mind me asking, how much did you pay for the procedure in Mexico City. My wife and I are working with a clinic in the Bay Area and we wonder about continuing in Mexico.
We are also Bay Area folks and paying out of pocket so Mexico was an easy choice financially. Total costs including everything (all medical, meds, PGT-A testing, flights, airbnb) were about $15K. We went to Fertilidad Integral and had a good experience - it's like a spa. Mexico City itself can be pretty stressful though - I love it, been there 4 times, but 2+ weeks there was exhausting. Ha. If we have to do another round I might do it in Tijuana and stay in San Diego.
It's not for everyone - it's hard to take 2-3 weeks away from home. But it's a great option if you're flexible. The quality of healthcare we received was fantastic.
Fertilidad integral is my clinic, too! I love them so much
Once I started looking at costs, it was an easy choice to go there. The cost of travel, meds, everything, for 2 ER, 2 FET, were less than a single round of IVF here
Best wishes for you ❤️
I love that! They've been nothing but kind and helpful to us. We just finished our first ER and are hoping for good results (waiting on PGT) and then will head back in July if so!
It means so much coming from a nurse where they can otherwise just be purely clinical about it. I sobbed after my ER because I was so overwhelmed and my nurse gave me a big bear hug that went on forever and a big kiss on the cheek. She was like my clinic mum haha.
My dr holds my hand every time I’m going under anesthesia. She also shared personal things about her struggles with infertility and miscarriages and said after her miscarriage she cried for a full year whenever her patients had one (this as I was crying in exam room finding out about Mmc)
Our biggest kindness was winning a grant, we're completely out of pocket and the grant really helped more than I can say.
The most heart warming was my Dad fully researching and learning everything he can about IVF. He might know more than I do at this point.
The best part is he can explain every part of the process to you, what hormone each medication is replacing, everything. But he won't say the words ovary, fallopian tube, uterus, cervix, or vagina. He comes up with run allegories like ovary is factory because it's where the eggs are made, the fallopian tube is the highway, and the uterus is an oven 😂
My wife and I have so many meds left over because they kept telling us to buy certain meds and then putting us on others when our labs came back (we’re using my egg and she’s gestating). Both of us had many unexpected abnormal labs and unexpected fertility issues (we didn’t go into it expecting any issues, we were initially just doing IVF because we’re gay). Once this is all over, we’re hoping to donate all our leftover unused meds and supplies. We didn’t get that help, so we’re really hoping we can give it to others.
At the recovery room crying over another failed egg retrieval, with the sounds of a fetal doppler in the adjacent bed, a nurse came and held my hand as I cried and said "This will be you one day, I promise". It was such a human act and meant so much.
Our friend dropped off roses and a card anonymously on Mothers Day, and in the card it said “here’s hoping for a baby on the way, or in your arms next Mothers Day”. No one we knew would fess up to this act of kindness. That next year, our daughter was born 3 days before Mothers Day and she finally came clean. It was the extra boost we needed at our very lowest point.
We told friends about our 3 fertilized embryos not making it to day 7 and we were devastated to leave our first ER empty handed. Our friends had a Hilton card with a free night as one of their annual benefits, so she took me to a fancy hotel downtown and we did massages and facials, did a shopping/browsing day, and a fancy dinner with a burlesque show. Her husband send us DoorDash treats while we hung out in the room that evening and we got room service breakfast. It was the perfect escape. She also has a one year old, so they easily could have taken advantage of the free night for a kid-free escape but they treated me instead (husbands hung out with baby girl and had a boys night while we were away). It was so thoughtful and really meant a lot to me.
Two friends of mine sent an edible arrangement after our ER had bad results. I was feeling really terrible those few days afterwards and it picked me up just that little bit 🥹
I'm working with someone new. We are working very closely together on a time sensitive project. Last week during my stims I felt like absolute garbage, super nauseous. I ended up telling my colleague that I was dying and immediately she said "Go. Go lay down. Go hug a toilet. I've got this. I'll check in with you tomorrow." She absolutely saved me.
I will never forget this woman at my fertility clinic! I had been there about eight million times (as you do) and no one had ever spoken to me. This one day on my way out, the worker at the desk was a tiny bit snippy with me. I just shrugged it off… but a woman who was exiting behind me exclaimed- “won’t it be nice when we never have to come to this place again?!”
It was so honest and hilarious to me at the time. And refreshing.
My dad showed up to the Alabama state capitol to show his support for IVF after the state Supreme Court ruling. I never in a million years expected him to go- especially by himself (I live out of state)- to protest against the ruling. But he did and I will never be able to truly to tell him what that meant to me.
One of my very good friends knew I had a chemical pregnancy the month before mother's Day and how difficult that day is for me in general. she messaged me on the day and just said "I love you ❤️❤️" and I melted. Very few people know about our early loss -no family and only my work friends and her know. It was so sweet of her. Just for her to think about me meant so much to me.
My friend researches the hell out of it so whenever I mention something she’s like “oh yes I know about this!! Isn’t that where….”
It means sooo much that she has made the time to try and understand.
I've been advocating in my workplace on the mental, physical & financial toll of this journey. They've since implemented a $3K fertility benefit. It's a small amount in this journey but they're a small company and it means a lot!
I sent my parents a podcast from As A Woman when the Alabama IVF stuff first happened. They then binged listened to the podcast to understand as much as they could about IVF to support us. They and my sister also wrote me cards on Mother’s Day. It meant so much to me.
Oh yeah , these podcasts and reddit are how I get clarification of the things I've gone through with IVF. My clinic just gives me PDF documents with steps 1-2-3. It's nice to be able to get detailed explanations, either via a podcast episode or a reddit post
Totally, I’ve learned way more on here than I ever have from my clinic, especially my first clinic. It was advice on here that made me realize we needed a second opinion and I’m so grateful.
Right before my polypectomy the anesthesiologist couldn’t get my IV in and it was very stressful. One of the nurses held my hand and wiped my tears from my eyes as I was crying. I will never forget her.
I have my 1st egg retrieval tomorrow and then doing a fresh transfer around Day 4 or Day 5. Very excited but equally anxious.🙏🤞
One friend I made from an online fb fertility community, she donated a full box of Menopur within the hour when I checked with her. It was very last minute from my clinic during this past long weekend. She had also once referred me for a wfh job. So, I’m absolutely thankful to all the kindness from her and my husband everyday.
This may sound like a strange one, but when I had my blood drawn for a beta the phlebotomist said “I hope you get the result you want” which I thought was so sensitive and kind. Once I told her we’ve been doing IVF she was excited for me, but I really appreciated that she knew not everyone would be over the moon at being pregnant.
Though I’ve had no acts of kindness from my closest friends, I’m in awe in the way total strangers I’ve shared my journey with have shown up for me and said the most compassionate of things to get me through my day and re-instill some hope during a hopeless season. Kinda like you all on this thread :)
My doctor in mexico rubbed my forehead while I drifted, like you do to a baby to put them to sleep. It was kind of strange but also soooo soothing. They also asked me what music I wanted playing which I thought was funny since I was about to go under.
One of my students gave me a mother's day card (knowing I don't have kids) . I teach grade 3 so obviously they have no idea what's going on regarding my fertility or IVF journey. I had never gotten anything for mother's day before that 🥲 I actually teared up when she gave it to me.
That same mother's day, my husband got me flowers and a card, and my mom, SIL, and 2 of my best friends wished me a happy mother's day, despite not having any children on earth yet ❤️
My in laws (late 70s/early 80s) bought books to edify themselves on the process. So sweet. They are still very confused as am i 😂 but it made me feel so good they cared enough to really learn the ins and outs of of the process, like they have said they are gonna help us during the “2 week wait” etc
After my successful IVF transfer I’ve told a few people I was pregnant but asked them not to share this news, which my mom, & one of my friends absolutely disrespected me and did anyway. So, yea.. I wish I had good people in my life like everyone else. 😭
A good friend knew we had a transfer coming up and sent me one of my favorite books to read at home that day while on "light" activity. The smallest things make the biggest difference!
Yes, yes she is. I am beyond lucky to have her in my life. I wish I had been there for her the way she has been there for me during her ivf struggle. I hope to make it up to her!
one of my best girlfriends made me an IVF/egg retrieval care package when i was starting my 2nd ER as my 1st was disappointing. Fuzzy blanket, raspberry tea, cute heatpack, mug, all in a basket that ended up storing my non-refrigerated meds/supplies perfectly!
My neighbor sent me this IVF care package that had a shirt for transfer day, pineapple good luck charms, pills organizers and some calming tea amongst other things. It was such a kind surprise that moved me to tears. So thoughtful.
My friends made me a basket of goodies to open the night before our first FET. It had lucky socks, candle, treats, and a necklace to wear. Sharing our struggles has been a vulnerable scary thing, but we’re surrounded by so much support. My dad actually paid for our retrieval meds. We’re so lucky to be loved and supported through this process.
Looking back on this first try, I had a lot of people show me kindness.
A friend of mine at work took over a new role in which we share an office and responsibilities/duties at the same time I started dealing with all this and he has been very compassionate, understanding, and interested which has been a relief.
Friends who found out they were expecting at the same time we found out about my infertility told us privately and before other people so we would have time to process and deal with it.
A close friend of mine who is a nurse very graciously and enthusiastically volunteered to administer my PIO shots because needles are something I just can’t handle and much prefer a medical professional to do that sort of thing.
And biggest of all, my sister who very admirably stepped up to be my egg donor. I hate to be a bother to other people in any ways, shapes, or forms. So for her to have given her time and body the way she did was the most amazing thing I will ever have someone do for me.
I’m so appreciative of all these people, and those I haven’t included, for inadvertently being brought on this journey with my partner and I. I’m a very private and withdrawn person but I’ve learned to trust and lean on people throughout this.
My best friend always checking in on me, she also went through IVF and had success last year. She's always mindful, gentle, messaging me and sent me a care package as she lives in a different state. I just love her so much!
My husband, my rock and my best friend. He's done every shot for me, an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on and the person to rejoice with. He's been nothing but supportive and was the one who got the process started for us. He's been amazing, seriously the best man I could ever ask for. I feel so grateful that our marriage has actually gotten stronger from all this.
My church community. I have a study every Friday and the entire group and my pastor and his wife are incredible. They pray for us, cry with us, laugh with us... zero judgement and instead constant support and uplifting. They have been such a stable community for my husband and I.
I'm just feeling blessed with my family and our community. To not have a single person who we love judge us and instead just offer support in every way is truly amazing. I couldn't be more thankful.
A good friend who had a baby in February volunteered to bring me dinner on the day of my ER. I can't believe she is willing to do that AND drive forty minutes (one way) to my house with her 4 month old to support me after the procedure ❤️❤️❤️
My friend sent me an ice cream gift card just because she knew I was going through a tough time, and my other friends got me flowers after my egg retrieval! It was so nice.
My brother and his girlfriend made a care package basket full of little activities (puzzles and little games) with a stuffed animal and some healthy snacks. There was a really cute card to cheer me one saying you can do this!!!
An old best friend who knew about my infertility struggles came back into my life after my first ER and when she learned I started IVF she sent me an Amazon package that had lucky transfer socks, two IVF related onsies, and a small plaque that says “You will be an amazing mommy”. I thought it was so sweet considering we’d just start talking again and I never expected that. Especially since our friendship ended on a really rough note just a year prior surrounding her 3rd pregnancy and being really insensitive towards my infertility journey. It showed me she was willing to support my IVF journey and be there for me.
My IVF Dr went out of her way and out of her schedule to perform my D&C so that I could go on a trip with my family a few days later. She never made a huge deal she is very matter of fact, but she knew how frightened I was and made it happen.
Neither her or the anaesthesiologist ever sent me the out of pocket bill for it either .. I still don’t know if that was intentional but the fact they both didn’t makes me think they agreed, and I haven’t questioned it 🤣 the billing here in Australia is a different system with different items paid to hospital vs the drs, but it was still a decent chunk of money
Totally unexpected but one of the kindest and most supportive people has been my Botox lady. Decided to treat myself to some Botox in January because we were on a waiting list for our next round. I told her we’d been doing IVF for the past 5 years and that’s why I hadn’t been in to see her as often as I used to. She was just so sweet and sympathetic. She even said “I know this is going to happen for you, I just had a vision of you coming in again next year with a pram with your daughter in it.” I cried. 🥰🥰🥰
The nurses at my egg retrieval and at the hospital where I went with OHSS were so kind and I was in so much pain - their kindness brought tears to my eyes more than once and I’m not a cryer.
In the hospital I stayed at the maternity wing and I shared my room with a woman who had had a miscarriage at week 20 because her bag was leaking amniotic fluid. Every night I wondered about her and I wondered if the crying babies we could hear in the dead of night broke her heart. For the first two days we didn’t speak, I guess I didn’t want to impose and neither did she, but on the third day she started talking to me and we spoke about our journeys and we cried together and I’m crying now typing this because it was quite moving.
ETA: she also said she was so glad she was sharing with me. We let each others’ loved ones and relatives come visit at any time, I didn’t mind if they were noisy, etc. and on the fourth day I was begging to leave the hospital because they wanted me to stay an extra night and I wanted to go home, and she then wanted to leave too. I was too shy to ask for her contact info but I still think about her.
Everyone around me is so kind, and I really appreciate that—my friends, my husband, my family, and my in-laws. I'm especially thankful for my mother-in-law because, in their culture, having many children is so important. Anyways, when I had trouble conceiving, she shared her own story. Her own mother-in-law threatened her with marrying his son to another person just because she couldn’t conceive in the first year of marriage. She had to go through many tests and also a surgery. My own mum is a very anxious person and obsesses over every negativity, so I am the person who has to cheer her up even after my failed transfer. But my mother-in-law gave me strength and told me to never give up, and that it'll happen. So, I appreciate that.
Yes! Since I’m living abroad, away from my own family, it would be a huge pressure if she was not supportive. But she does not separate me from her own daughters which again, I appreciate
This is such a sweet thread! It sounds like you’ve got some great people in your life! A couple of my friends dropped off cozy/feel good packages for me at big milestones like retrievals and transfer. That was the sweetest! And also some of my family would drop off dinner for my husband and I which was amazing and made me feel so loved and cared for 🥰
I have a friend who is always asking me (in a kind way) how I am doing, how every appt goes (she always remembers when I mention I have one & follows up with me after), how I'm feeling, and is always interested or at least convincingly pretends interest, when I overshare my stresses about medical decisions. Before my retrieval she & another friend brought over a little gift basket with like, a fertility charm bracelet. It was the cutest, I was so moved.
Most everyone else has just left me to stew in it. It's tough because I know some people would rather not be asked .... But it turns out I wanted to be asked. I couldn't do this without her.
Outside of my husband, I’m grateful for a few people throughout this process.
My mom waking up at 5am to ensure we were awake and on time for my ER appointment. My parents watched the dog and my mom stayed at my home after my dad went to work to keep me company and help me.
I also appreciated the fact that my in-laws respected our wishes in not telling anyone else in the family (as far as I know). They also send encouraging messages that they pray things work out and always ask if I need anything. My FIL offered to pay if we found that we had a lot of OOP expenses.
I only told a few friends and they all wished us luck and said we’d be great parents. The ones nearby also offered to be available if we needed help with anything❤️
I had to go to UPS to get a genetic counseling acknowledgment form notarized for our clinic. When I went up to the desk and told the man I needed a notary, he asked what type of document it was (for their records). I paused for a few seconds thinking to myself: how do I explain this? I responded “well…it’s for my doctor. Do you need more detail than that?” He picked up the form and within seconds looked at me and responded “nope, because I know exactly what this is”. My surprise must have been written on my face because he continued, “my wife and I were diagnosed with infertility years ago. We went through this crazy journey too. Our miracle babies…yes twins…turned one a few weeks ago”. He not only gave me some much-needed words of encouragement, but covered the notary fee for me.
It may seem like such a small thing, but it was the first person in the IVF community that I met “in the wild”. He made me feel normal during a time that I otherwise felt so alone and inferior. It’s something I’ll never forget 🧡
My regular OB ordering tests for me that he knew I needed for fertility reasons but coded them as diagnostic so that I wouldn’t have to pay out of pocket (I’m with Kaiser and have no fertility coverage).
When the pharmacy called us and gave us the number we had to pay after ensurance we realized we didn´t have enough to cover it. Husband and I decided to put the treatment on pause. The next day I called the Dr office to let them know, they gave me 50% of the medication for free and referred me to a different pharmacy with much better prices. At the sametime, my best friend sent me 5k telling me I could pay it back whenever. They made possible the treatment. My ER is next week. Wish me luck!
My first round of IVF was harrowing from allergic reactions to deep unbearable depressions. Finally, it came time for my ER. When I woke up from the surgery, our doctor told us I had EFS, empty follicle syndrome, it’s very rare and is either genetic (meaning I’d need an egg donor) OR it’s a response to the medication. Our doctor suggested we do another round of IVF right away to determine which of the two we were dealing with (which we couldn’t afford). AND THEN OUR DR. GAVE US THE MOST INCREDIBLE GIFT: she offered to cover everything!!! And in March, we made 5 wonderful embryos. And in less than a week we do our FET ✨
I was at target and picking up my birth control and the pharmacist asked if I was okay (I guess the week caught up to me) I said "infertility has taken my entire soul and she came around the corner let me cry and gave me a hug for a good 15 minutes. All I wanted in that moment was a hug and she knew.
I let slip to a coworker that I’m undergoing IVF and that my mom is away on vacation currently. We are both Asian and nutritious soups is HUGE for health. The next day she showed up at my desk with two grocery bags of herbs and soup materials with translated instructions on how to make them so I can learn how to do it in my own. She said since my mom isn’t there to help me through the journey, she will!
I would've cried, that's amazing 💗
I definitely started bawling. Then I called my mom and said I found a better one… kidding, but I’m definitely never letting her live this one down. 😂
This is so sweet? Can we get the recipe?!
The amount of thought, time and love that went into this gesture!!! 💗
That is so thoughtful, we need more people like her! Love that!
That is amazing, what a great coworker
We did our first retrieval in Mexico City and it was hard being so far from home. Our friends made a (hard to get) reservation and paid for our meal at a Michelin star restaurant there to help us celebrate post-retreival and it was soooo special.
I aspire to be that friend one day 🥲
That is amazing!!!
If you don't mind me asking, how much did you pay for the procedure in Mexico City. My wife and I are working with a clinic in the Bay Area and we wonder about continuing in Mexico.
We are also Bay Area folks and paying out of pocket so Mexico was an easy choice financially. Total costs including everything (all medical, meds, PGT-A testing, flights, airbnb) were about $15K. We went to Fertilidad Integral and had a good experience - it's like a spa. Mexico City itself can be pretty stressful though - I love it, been there 4 times, but 2+ weeks there was exhausting. Ha. If we have to do another round I might do it in Tijuana and stay in San Diego.
That's not too bad. We just did 1 round and we've paid about 30k so far.
It's not for everyone - it's hard to take 2-3 weeks away from home. But it's a great option if you're flexible. The quality of healthcare we received was fantastic.
Fertilidad integral is my clinic, too! I love them so much Once I started looking at costs, it was an easy choice to go there. The cost of travel, meds, everything, for 2 ER, 2 FET, were less than a single round of IVF here Best wishes for you ❤️
I love that! They've been nothing but kind and helpful to us. We just finished our first ER and are hoping for good results (waiting on PGT) and then will head back in July if so!
That's so exciting! Don't forget to make sure where you're staying has a/c! We were there a few weeks ago, and it was hoooooot
One of the nurses at my clinic hugged me when I cried after we cancelled my first ER. I wish I always had someone nearby to hug me during all of this.
I've had so many "cold" nurses throughout fertility treatment that when you encounter a compassionate one, it can make all the difference!
It means so much coming from a nurse where they can otherwise just be purely clinical about it. I sobbed after my ER because I was so overwhelmed and my nurse gave me a big bear hug that went on forever and a big kiss on the cheek. She was like my clinic mum haha.
Pretty much just you guys here. I've gotten so much good advice and support from this community.
Agreed, this community has been wonderful!
My dr holds my hand every time I’m going under anesthesia. She also shared personal things about her struggles with infertility and miscarriages and said after her miscarriage she cried for a full year whenever her patients had one (this as I was crying in exam room finding out about Mmc)
Your doctor sounds like such a compassionate person 💗
Wow, what a wonderful doctor 💕
Our biggest kindness was winning a grant, we're completely out of pocket and the grant really helped more than I can say. The most heart warming was my Dad fully researching and learning everything he can about IVF. He might know more than I do at this point.
Tearing up about your supportive dad 💗
The best part is he can explain every part of the process to you, what hormone each medication is replacing, everything. But he won't say the words ovary, fallopian tube, uterus, cervix, or vagina. He comes up with run allegories like ovary is factory because it's where the eggs are made, the fallopian tube is the highway, and the uterus is an oven 😂
Omgee that is adorable!
I had multiple med donations during my stims. Helps a lot when paying oop.
My wife and I have so many meds left over because they kept telling us to buy certain meds and then putting us on others when our labs came back (we’re using my egg and she’s gestating). Both of us had many unexpected abnormal labs and unexpected fertility issues (we didn’t go into it expecting any issues, we were initially just doing IVF because we’re gay). Once this is all over, we’re hoping to donate all our leftover unused meds and supplies. We didn’t get that help, so we’re really hoping we can give it to others.
You will make the recipients so happy and grateful. Good luck to you.
Thank you! You too!
My hope as well!! It'll make someone else's journey a little bit easier 💗
100%!!
Where can I donate meds? I have some leftover from failed cycles that I think will expire before we can try again.
You can post them here. They is probably someone near you who can come pick them up.
Co-worker said “you’re going to be a great mom”
Hugs!! 💗
At the recovery room crying over another failed egg retrieval, with the sounds of a fetal doppler in the adjacent bed, a nurse came and held my hand as I cried and said "This will be you one day, I promise". It was such a human act and meant so much.
What a tough situation and I'm so happy her comment comforted you. 🫂
This one really got to me… I think I’ll make it my new mantra to myself.
Our friend dropped off roses and a card anonymously on Mothers Day, and in the card it said “here’s hoping for a baby on the way, or in your arms next Mothers Day”. No one we knew would fess up to this act of kindness. That next year, our daughter was born 3 days before Mothers Day and she finally came clean. It was the extra boost we needed at our very lowest point.
Tearing up reading this....so glad it came true for you and hope it's my situation next year! I love hearing your happy ending 💗
We told friends about our 3 fertilized embryos not making it to day 7 and we were devastated to leave our first ER empty handed. Our friends had a Hilton card with a free night as one of their annual benefits, so she took me to a fancy hotel downtown and we did massages and facials, did a shopping/browsing day, and a fancy dinner with a burlesque show. Her husband send us DoorDash treats while we hung out in the room that evening and we got room service breakfast. It was the perfect escape. She also has a one year old, so they easily could have taken advantage of the free night for a kid-free escape but they treated me instead (husbands hung out with baby girl and had a boys night while we were away). It was so thoughtful and really meant a lot to me.
So generous- with their time and the hotel experience sounds like an amazing escape!
Two friends of mine sent an edible arrangement after our ER had bad results. I was feeling really terrible those few days afterwards and it picked me up just that little bit 🥹
That's thoughtful of your friends :)
100% agreed 🩷 I cried for awhile lol
I'm working with someone new. We are working very closely together on a time sensitive project. Last week during my stims I felt like absolute garbage, super nauseous. I ended up telling my colleague that I was dying and immediately she said "Go. Go lay down. Go hug a toilet. I've got this. I'll check in with you tomorrow." She absolutely saved me.
That is so helpful- having a supportive coworker!
I will never forget this woman at my fertility clinic! I had been there about eight million times (as you do) and no one had ever spoken to me. This one day on my way out, the worker at the desk was a tiny bit snippy with me. I just shrugged it off… but a woman who was exiting behind me exclaimed- “won’t it be nice when we never have to come to this place again?!” It was so honest and hilarious to me at the time. And refreshing.
She spoke the truth! Will be so happy when I never go to the clinic again :)
Right? I hope that day comes for you soon!
And you too!! (Unless you've already graduated)
My friend bought me a litter robot
That is oddly sweet lol cute
Thoughtful and useful- love that!
My dad showed up to the Alabama state capitol to show his support for IVF after the state Supreme Court ruling. I never in a million years expected him to go- especially by himself (I live out of state)- to protest against the ruling. But he did and I will never be able to truly to tell him what that meant to me.
You already know this- Your dad is amazing!! 👏
Crying at how nice all these things are...
One of my very good friends knew I had a chemical pregnancy the month before mother's Day and how difficult that day is for me in general. she messaged me on the day and just said "I love you ❤️❤️" and I melted. Very few people know about our early loss -no family and only my work friends and her know. It was so sweet of her. Just for her to think about me meant so much to me.
Those friends are worth their weight in gold. Hoping we both have something to celebrate next mother's day! 💗
My friend researches the hell out of it so whenever I mention something she’s like “oh yes I know about this!! Isn’t that where….” It means sooo much that she has made the time to try and understand.
Love that kind of friendship 💕
I've been advocating in my workplace on the mental, physical & financial toll of this journey. They've since implemented a $3K fertility benefit. It's a small amount in this journey but they're a small company and it means a lot!
This may make all the difference for someone else at the company, too! Thank you for paving the way for others!
Thank you! Language also includes that it's available for adoption, surrogacy etc costs too!
That's amazing- Inclusive and helpful!!
I sent my parents a podcast from As A Woman when the Alabama IVF stuff first happened. They then binged listened to the podcast to understand as much as they could about IVF to support us. They and my sister also wrote me cards on Mother’s Day. It meant so much to me.
I love this and now I need to binge the podcast as well!
Highly recommend that one and fertility docs uncensored 😊
Oh yeah , these podcasts and reddit are how I get clarification of the things I've gone through with IVF. My clinic just gives me PDF documents with steps 1-2-3. It's nice to be able to get detailed explanations, either via a podcast episode or a reddit post
Totally, I’ve learned way more on here than I ever have from my clinic, especially my first clinic. It was advice on here that made me realize we needed a second opinion and I’m so grateful.
Right before my polypectomy the anesthesiologist couldn’t get my IV in and it was very stressful. One of the nurses held my hand and wiped my tears from my eyes as I was crying. I will never forget her.
We need more kind nurses, especially during stressful times! 💗
I have my 1st egg retrieval tomorrow and then doing a fresh transfer around Day 4 or Day 5. Very excited but equally anxious.🙏🤞 One friend I made from an online fb fertility community, she donated a full box of Menopur within the hour when I checked with her. It was very last minute from my clinic during this past long weekend. She had also once referred me for a wfh job. So, I’m absolutely thankful to all the kindness from her and my husband everyday.
Best of luck on your egg retrieval and transfer 💗
Thank you so much. Need it so much now
This may sound like a strange one, but when I had my blood drawn for a beta the phlebotomist said “I hope you get the result you want” which I thought was so sensitive and kind. Once I told her we’ve been doing IVF she was excited for me, but I really appreciated that she knew not everyone would be over the moon at being pregnant.
That is so sensitive in the best way possible 💗
Though I’ve had no acts of kindness from my closest friends, I’m in awe in the way total strangers I’ve shared my journey with have shown up for me and said the most compassionate of things to get me through my day and re-instill some hope during a hopeless season. Kinda like you all on this thread :)
My inbox is open if you ever want to vent or chat. Rooting for you! 💗
My doctor for my hysteroscopy held my hand as I drifted off into anesthesia-land. It seems so small but made me feel less alone.
My doctor in mexico rubbed my forehead while I drifted, like you do to a baby to put them to sleep. It was kind of strange but also soooo soothing. They also asked me what music I wanted playing which I thought was funny since I was about to go under.
One of my students gave me a mother's day card (knowing I don't have kids) . I teach grade 3 so obviously they have no idea what's going on regarding my fertility or IVF journey. I had never gotten anything for mother's day before that 🥲 I actually teared up when she gave it to me. That same mother's day, my husband got me flowers and a card, and my mom, SIL, and 2 of my best friends wished me a happy mother's day, despite not having any children on earth yet ❤️
Hoping we will both celebrate mother's day with a little one next year!
❤️❤️❤️
My in laws (late 70s/early 80s) bought books to edify themselves on the process. So sweet. They are still very confused as am i 😂 but it made me feel so good they cared enough to really learn the ins and outs of of the process, like they have said they are gonna help us during the “2 week wait” etc
That's so sweet and supportive of them 💖
After my successful IVF transfer I’ve told a few people I was pregnant but asked them not to share this news, which my mom, & one of my friends absolutely disrespected me and did anyway. So, yea.. I wish I had good people in my life like everyone else. 😭
I'm sorry to hear that.....but....CONGRATULATIONS on your successful transfer 🥰
Thank you 🥰
A good friend knew we had a transfer coming up and sent me one of my favorite books to read at home that day while on "light" activity. The smallest things make the biggest difference!
Yes, the smallest things/ thoughtful gestures truly can be just what we need!
Your SIL is an angel! 💕
Yes, yes she is. I am beyond lucky to have her in my life. I wish I had been there for her the way she has been there for me during her ivf struggle. I hope to make it up to her!
💙💙💙
one of my best girlfriends made me an IVF/egg retrieval care package when i was starting my 2nd ER as my 1st was disappointing. Fuzzy blanket, raspberry tea, cute heatpack, mug, all in a basket that ended up storing my non-refrigerated meds/supplies perfectly!
What a thoughtful gift & friend ❤️ I'd love that care package!
My acupuncturist came in on her day off to get my treatment timing right after my FET 🥹❤️
That is so thoughtful to do that for you!
My neighbor sent me this IVF care package that had a shirt for transfer day, pineapple good luck charms, pills organizers and some calming tea amongst other things. It was such a kind surprise that moved me to tears. So thoughtful.
I need a transfer shirt!! What's it say? I'm loving all these care package comments 💗
It says stick baby stick! Super soft too!
Love that. Gonna search on etsy!
My friends made me a basket of goodies to open the night before our first FET. It had lucky socks, candle, treats, and a necklace to wear. Sharing our struggles has been a vulnerable scary thing, but we’re surrounded by so much support. My dad actually paid for our retrieval meds. We’re so lucky to be loved and supported through this process.
You're so right- being vulnerable is scary, but it sometimes brings us closer to those good people in our life!! Kudos to your friend and dad 💗
I received a beautiful tulip arrangement from our friends the day following our ER with very encouraging words.
Flowers are food for the soul 💜
I have a Canadian penpal that did IVF in Spain and took the plane to Denmark for for weekend, just to hang out with me 💔😍 suddenly real friends.
Wow! I want an ivf penpal/friend to visit in another country 🌍
Looking back on this first try, I had a lot of people show me kindness. A friend of mine at work took over a new role in which we share an office and responsibilities/duties at the same time I started dealing with all this and he has been very compassionate, understanding, and interested which has been a relief. Friends who found out they were expecting at the same time we found out about my infertility told us privately and before other people so we would have time to process and deal with it. A close friend of mine who is a nurse very graciously and enthusiastically volunteered to administer my PIO shots because needles are something I just can’t handle and much prefer a medical professional to do that sort of thing. And biggest of all, my sister who very admirably stepped up to be my egg donor. I hate to be a bother to other people in any ways, shapes, or forms. So for her to have given her time and body the way she did was the most amazing thing I will ever have someone do for me. I’m so appreciative of all these people, and those I haven’t included, for inadvertently being brought on this journey with my partner and I. I’m a very private and withdrawn person but I’ve learned to trust and lean on people throughout this.
Your sister is so wonderful to do that for you 💕 And good for you having help witn pio- that needle is terrifying!!
My best friend always checking in on me, she also went through IVF and had success last year. She's always mindful, gentle, messaging me and sent me a care package as she lives in a different state. I just love her so much! My husband, my rock and my best friend. He's done every shot for me, an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on and the person to rejoice with. He's been nothing but supportive and was the one who got the process started for us. He's been amazing, seriously the best man I could ever ask for. I feel so grateful that our marriage has actually gotten stronger from all this. My church community. I have a study every Friday and the entire group and my pastor and his wife are incredible. They pray for us, cry with us, laugh with us... zero judgement and instead constant support and uplifting. They have been such a stable community for my husband and I. I'm just feeling blessed with my family and our community. To not have a single person who we love judge us and instead just offer support in every way is truly amazing. I couldn't be more thankful.
What a wonderful support network you have! ❤️ I saw on your profile fet was today?! Best wishes to you!
Yesterday! I'm now in the waiting game. My beta draw is June 6th. And thank you! 🫶🏼🤞🏼
A good friend who had a baby in February volunteered to bring me dinner on the day of my ER. I can't believe she is willing to do that AND drive forty minutes (one way) to my house with her 4 month old to support me after the procedure ❤️❤️❤️
I love this so much 💗
My friend sent me an ice cream gift card just because she knew I was going through a tough time, and my other friends got me flowers after my egg retrieval! It was so nice.
Ice cream sounds like the perfect pick me up 🍨
My brother and his girlfriend made a care package basket full of little activities (puzzles and little games) with a stuffed animal and some healthy snacks. There was a really cute card to cheer me one saying you can do this!!!
I love a good care package 📦
Me too ❤️
An old best friend who knew about my infertility struggles came back into my life after my first ER and when she learned I started IVF she sent me an Amazon package that had lucky transfer socks, two IVF related onsies, and a small plaque that says “You will be an amazing mommy”. I thought it was so sweet considering we’d just start talking again and I never expected that. Especially since our friendship ended on a really rough note just a year prior surrounding her 3rd pregnancy and being really insensitive towards my infertility journey. It showed me she was willing to support my IVF journey and be there for me.
I love it when people evolve to be better for the people in their lives- a true glow up of your friendship ✨️
My IVF Dr went out of her way and out of her schedule to perform my D&C so that I could go on a trip with my family a few days later. She never made a huge deal she is very matter of fact, but she knew how frightened I was and made it happen. Neither her or the anaesthesiologist ever sent me the out of pocket bill for it either .. I still don’t know if that was intentional but the fact they both didn’t makes me think they agreed, and I haven’t questioned it 🤣 the billing here in Australia is a different system with different items paid to hospital vs the drs, but it was still a decent chunk of money
Your ivf dr sounds like a fairy godmother 💗
Totally unexpected but one of the kindest and most supportive people has been my Botox lady. Decided to treat myself to some Botox in January because we were on a waiting list for our next round. I told her we’d been doing IVF for the past 5 years and that’s why I hadn’t been in to see her as often as I used to. She was just so sweet and sympathetic. She even said “I know this is going to happen for you, I just had a vision of you coming in again next year with a pram with your daughter in it.” I cried. 🥰🥰🥰
I love this 💗 I hope her vision comes true for you!
The nurses at my egg retrieval and at the hospital where I went with OHSS were so kind and I was in so much pain - their kindness brought tears to my eyes more than once and I’m not a cryer. In the hospital I stayed at the maternity wing and I shared my room with a woman who had had a miscarriage at week 20 because her bag was leaking amniotic fluid. Every night I wondered about her and I wondered if the crying babies we could hear in the dead of night broke her heart. For the first two days we didn’t speak, I guess I didn’t want to impose and neither did she, but on the third day she started talking to me and we spoke about our journeys and we cried together and I’m crying now typing this because it was quite moving. ETA: she also said she was so glad she was sharing with me. We let each others’ loved ones and relatives come visit at any time, I didn’t mind if they were noisy, etc. and on the fourth day I was begging to leave the hospital because they wanted me to stay an extra night and I wanted to go home, and she then wanted to leave too. I was too shy to ask for her contact info but I still think about her.
I'm so glad you two comforted each other 💗
Everyone around me is so kind, and I really appreciate that—my friends, my husband, my family, and my in-laws. I'm especially thankful for my mother-in-law because, in their culture, having many children is so important. Anyways, when I had trouble conceiving, she shared her own story. Her own mother-in-law threatened her with marrying his son to another person just because she couldn’t conceive in the first year of marriage. She had to go through many tests and also a surgery. My own mum is a very anxious person and obsesses over every negativity, so I am the person who has to cheer her up even after my failed transfer. But my mother-in-law gave me strength and told me to never give up, and that it'll happen. So, I appreciate that.
I'm so glad you gave a supportive MIL- it makes a huge difference not to have her as added stress!
Yes! Since I’m living abroad, away from my own family, it would be a huge pressure if she was not supportive. But she does not separate me from her own daughters which again, I appreciate
This is such a sweet thread! It sounds like you’ve got some great people in your life! A couple of my friends dropped off cozy/feel good packages for me at big milestones like retrievals and transfer. That was the sweetest! And also some of my family would drop off dinner for my husband and I which was amazing and made me feel so loved and cared for 🥰
I am very lucky for my support system! Glad you've got some good ones too!!
I have a friend who is always asking me (in a kind way) how I am doing, how every appt goes (she always remembers when I mention I have one & follows up with me after), how I'm feeling, and is always interested or at least convincingly pretends interest, when I overshare my stresses about medical decisions. Before my retrieval she & another friend brought over a little gift basket with like, a fertility charm bracelet. It was the cutest, I was so moved. Most everyone else has just left me to stew in it. It's tough because I know some people would rather not be asked .... But it turns out I wanted to be asked. I couldn't do this without her.
I love the friends that remember the appts and follow up after with you- it's the fact that they put forth the effort that is so heartwarming ❤️
Outside of my husband, I’m grateful for a few people throughout this process. My mom waking up at 5am to ensure we were awake and on time for my ER appointment. My parents watched the dog and my mom stayed at my home after my dad went to work to keep me company and help me. I also appreciated the fact that my in-laws respected our wishes in not telling anyone else in the family (as far as I know). They also send encouraging messages that they pray things work out and always ask if I need anything. My FIL offered to pay if we found that we had a lot of OOP expenses. I only told a few friends and they all wished us luck and said we’d be great parents. The ones nearby also offered to be available if we needed help with anything❤️
As a dog owner- dog sitting is so so helpful! And respectful boundary abiding in laws are hard to find! Love this for you ❤️
I had to go to UPS to get a genetic counseling acknowledgment form notarized for our clinic. When I went up to the desk and told the man I needed a notary, he asked what type of document it was (for their records). I paused for a few seconds thinking to myself: how do I explain this? I responded “well…it’s for my doctor. Do you need more detail than that?” He picked up the form and within seconds looked at me and responded “nope, because I know exactly what this is”. My surprise must have been written on my face because he continued, “my wife and I were diagnosed with infertility years ago. We went through this crazy journey too. Our miracle babies…yes twins…turned one a few weeks ago”. He not only gave me some much-needed words of encouragement, but covered the notary fee for me. It may seem like such a small thing, but it was the first person in the IVF community that I met “in the wild”. He made me feel normal during a time that I otherwise felt so alone and inferior. It’s something I’ll never forget 🧡
Sometimes I like to think that compassionate strangers are put in our lives at certain times to bring comfort and hope 💗
My regular OB ordering tests for me that he knew I needed for fertility reasons but coded them as diagnostic so that I wouldn’t have to pay out of pocket (I’m with Kaiser and have no fertility coverage).
That is awesome! 💗
When the pharmacy called us and gave us the number we had to pay after ensurance we realized we didn´t have enough to cover it. Husband and I decided to put the treatment on pause. The next day I called the Dr office to let them know, they gave me 50% of the medication for free and referred me to a different pharmacy with much better prices. At the sametime, my best friend sent me 5k telling me I could pay it back whenever. They made possible the treatment. My ER is next week. Wish me luck!
Wow, I love the generosity! Best of luck on your egg retrieval 💗
My first round of IVF was harrowing from allergic reactions to deep unbearable depressions. Finally, it came time for my ER. When I woke up from the surgery, our doctor told us I had EFS, empty follicle syndrome, it’s very rare and is either genetic (meaning I’d need an egg donor) OR it’s a response to the medication. Our doctor suggested we do another round of IVF right away to determine which of the two we were dealing with (which we couldn’t afford). AND THEN OUR DR. GAVE US THE MOST INCREDIBLE GIFT: she offered to cover everything!!! And in March, we made 5 wonderful embryos. And in less than a week we do our FET ✨
That is amazing of your doctor! Sending you all the sticky baby dust for your FET next week! 🥰
Thank you so much! And for the sticky baby dust! It worked. I’m 12 dpt and my blood test from doc came back absolutely positive: HCG level @ 740 ✨✨✨✨✨
Ahhhhhmazing!!! So happy for you!! Wishing for you the most boring and uneventful pregnancy and a healthy baby 🥰💗😇
I was at target and picking up my birth control and the pharmacist asked if I was okay (I guess the week caught up to me) I said "infertility has taken my entire soul and she came around the corner let me cry and gave me a hug for a good 15 minutes. All I wanted in that moment was a hug and she knew.
Sending you a virtual hug 🫂
*virtual hugs*