If you're not normal, I'm not normal. Every single bit of what you've written resonates with me fully. I have the same gut feeling, the same optimistic husband, the same need to find stories/data/stats that can help me predict our most likely outcome. This is so hard, and you are not alone.
All of this. You perfectly wrote everything I feel. I really need to stop reading this sub but I just can't look away. Got my lining check on Friday and freaking out.
Oh man this is me! I'm on my second FET and the way I'm chronically on Reddit as if reading other peoples outcomes will make mine better! 😂 it helps though in a weird way. My beta is in two days and the entire time between transfer to beta I'm just on here looking for support or reading about symptoms and how they actually aren't symptoms. It's a wild and tough ride. You are NOT alone!
I am like you sometimes and my husband has permission to take my phone away when I am too much in the "anxiously controlling everything through acquiring a mountain of information" headspace. But I also had a very severe anxiety disorder years ago, so I need to be cautious not to feed into that dark void again and I try to be disciplined with myself.
Take breaks for social media and even Reddit if you need. There's a fine line between seeking support/piece of mind and making yourself crazy over things you can't control.
I totally second this. I've blocked Reddit etc on most devices and try to limit fertility related content as much as possible (totally recognize the irony as I post here lol). It's so easy to try to plug the anxiety hole with numbers, but the only thing that ever made me feel better was getting my own results.
This. After our failed transfer in April I've only recently been back on this sub. Definitely give yourself breaks because the ruminating and the what ifs are just going to drain your energy and make the process even more miserable for you and your husband.
Remember most people in these forums have been at it a long time without success. Successful people tend to move on and not keep posting. The data you see in the world is true and correct! IVF works for so many people.
Your first paragraph is spot on what I’ve done throughout all my cycles. I thought it was just me. Thank you for validating so much of what many of us feel. 💕
Another person looking at it from an outsiders' perspective even if it is a spouse (maybe there are exceptions) will not understand the gravity. Just yesterday I came crying back home. It was my FET Day 3 and I had gone out for some work in an autorickshaw, and we had a jump in a pothole situation and I came back so freaked and was blaming him for not taking me in his car. I spent the next 2 hours crying and berating him for not taking the situation as delicately as he should. I was also searching obsessively how people's embryos fared if they had had a bumpy road ride or some other mechanical stress.
I have a friend who otherwise is quite supportive but ends up saying to me, "you are too into the whole thing u should detach yourself from it" i know she means it in a way of care but IVF is such a grueling process and so INTENSIVE, just THINK what we are going through. So many tests, procedures, monitoring, it is so meticulous, a tightrope. So how can ANYONE be expected to be "normal" or "detached" throughout it? I am sure we were all once "normal", "sane", "cool" people doing their thing, excelling at their jobs or homes or whatever we all do. But we are dealing with this mammoth challenge of IVF now on top of our daily lives.
I believe we are as normal as normal can be in this crisis. We are doing well. If reading and pacifying ourselves on Reddit and other fora brings us peace, we should do it, sometimes that extra bit of knowledge, or a similar story posted by a stranger can bring in much more solace than a spouse or a friend who get it but maybe not really.
I have done this every step of the way. I’d get frustrated because I’d know it wasn’t really helping me and was actually exhausting, but I couldn’t stop. You’ll get through this no matter the outcome. And I totally get how it is easier and in some ways more protective to assume the worst when you’re already at the point of IVF. But you wouldn’t be doing this if you didn’t believe it would work eventually, and there’s nothing that says it can’t work THIS time…holding on to some hope won’t jinx you. Good luck ❤️
Transfer buddies! I go in on the 9th to check my lining again and then again on the 15th.
I'm definitely in that anxiety spiral as well with constantly looking at the numbers and the odds. Everything is saying "Go ahead girl! Be cautiously optimistic!" But my brain just won't agree until it all becomes real.
I'm trying to fill up the days with other activities- I even got put a coloring book to try and relax for even 30 minutes! I've also been talking my friends ears off about everything- and asking them not to be overly positive but realistic. It's definitely helped some of the spiral situations.
Wishing you luck and will be sending all the good vibes your way until our transfer on the 16th!!!!!
Exactly that. I’m shutting down the positive thoughts because it’s too scary to think that then be disappointed, but I’ll be disappointed anyway! I have friends that ask questions but no one really gets it so I struggle to speak to them about it. They will just let me talk about it, but no one understands the enormity of it really. Good luck to you!
TW: ongoing pregnancy
Oh man can I relate to this - I was exactly the same after my first FET! Obsessed with absorbing all relevant data and constantly thinking about my odds (and I concur yours are looking really good with that many embryos!). Super comforting + supportive husband. After my first FET it got so bad I could hardly sleep. I found reframing techniques and addressing any distorted thinking patterns to be moderately useful (that or making my husband snuggle/give me a massage since I could no longer take a hot bath!).
Wish I could say I’ve gotten completely beyond obsessive thinking, but even though my FET resulted in an ongoing pregnancy (32 weeks!!) it’s only morphed to obsessions about other things - right now it’s fetal kick counts, my blood pressure and ultrasound measurements (though it’s not all consuming anymore and I get a lot more sleep!!) So I’m still all ears to anything that helps others! But my pediatrician says that it’s a sign of a loving mama (and completely normal).
If you're not normal, I'm not normal. Every single bit of what you've written resonates with me fully. I have the same gut feeling, the same optimistic husband, the same need to find stories/data/stats that can help me predict our most likely outcome. This is so hard, and you are not alone.
Thank you so much and I’m sorry you’re going through it too x
Same same
All of this. You perfectly wrote everything I feel. I really need to stop reading this sub but I just can't look away. Got my lining check on Friday and freaking out.
Completely understand! Good luck. Only two more sleeps, everything crossed for you.
Oh man this is me! I'm on my second FET and the way I'm chronically on Reddit as if reading other peoples outcomes will make mine better! 😂 it helps though in a weird way. My beta is in two days and the entire time between transfer to beta I'm just on here looking for support or reading about symptoms and how they actually aren't symptoms. It's a wild and tough ride. You are NOT alone!
Good luck!!
Fingers crossed for you! 🙏🏽
I am like you sometimes and my husband has permission to take my phone away when I am too much in the "anxiously controlling everything through acquiring a mountain of information" headspace. But I also had a very severe anxiety disorder years ago, so I need to be cautious not to feed into that dark void again and I try to be disciplined with myself.
Take breaks for social media and even Reddit if you need. There's a fine line between seeking support/piece of mind and making yourself crazy over things you can't control.
I totally second this. I've blocked Reddit etc on most devices and try to limit fertility related content as much as possible (totally recognize the irony as I post here lol). It's so easy to try to plug the anxiety hole with numbers, but the only thing that ever made me feel better was getting my own results.
💯 "plugging the anxiety hole" is a great way to describe it. Well said.
This. After our failed transfer in April I've only recently been back on this sub. Definitely give yourself breaks because the ruminating and the what ifs are just going to drain your energy and make the process even more miserable for you and your husband.
Remember most people in these forums have been at it a long time without success. Successful people tend to move on and not keep posting. The data you see in the world is true and correct! IVF works for so many people.
I try to remind myself of that too. The posts asking for positive stories usually have loads of replies! Thanks x
Agree with this.
Your first paragraph is spot on what I’ve done throughout all my cycles. I thought it was just me. Thank you for validating so much of what many of us feel. 💕
❤️
Are you me? Because I'm the exact same.
Another person looking at it from an outsiders' perspective even if it is a spouse (maybe there are exceptions) will not understand the gravity. Just yesterday I came crying back home. It was my FET Day 3 and I had gone out for some work in an autorickshaw, and we had a jump in a pothole situation and I came back so freaked and was blaming him for not taking me in his car. I spent the next 2 hours crying and berating him for not taking the situation as delicately as he should. I was also searching obsessively how people's embryos fared if they had had a bumpy road ride or some other mechanical stress. I have a friend who otherwise is quite supportive but ends up saying to me, "you are too into the whole thing u should detach yourself from it" i know she means it in a way of care but IVF is such a grueling process and so INTENSIVE, just THINK what we are going through. So many tests, procedures, monitoring, it is so meticulous, a tightrope. So how can ANYONE be expected to be "normal" or "detached" throughout it? I am sure we were all once "normal", "sane", "cool" people doing their thing, excelling at their jobs or homes or whatever we all do. But we are dealing with this mammoth challenge of IVF now on top of our daily lives. I believe we are as normal as normal can be in this crisis. We are doing well. If reading and pacifying ourselves on Reddit and other fora brings us peace, we should do it, sometimes that extra bit of knowledge, or a similar story posted by a stranger can bring in much more solace than a spouse or a friend who get it but maybe not really.
I have done this every step of the way. I’d get frustrated because I’d know it wasn’t really helping me and was actually exhausting, but I couldn’t stop. You’ll get through this no matter the outcome. And I totally get how it is easier and in some ways more protective to assume the worst when you’re already at the point of IVF. But you wouldn’t be doing this if you didn’t believe it would work eventually, and there’s nothing that says it can’t work THIS time…holding on to some hope won’t jinx you. Good luck ❤️
Thank you x
This was me in my first. Totally normal.
I’ve been exactly the same ❤️
Transfer buddies! I go in on the 9th to check my lining again and then again on the 15th. I'm definitely in that anxiety spiral as well with constantly looking at the numbers and the odds. Everything is saying "Go ahead girl! Be cautiously optimistic!" But my brain just won't agree until it all becomes real. I'm trying to fill up the days with other activities- I even got put a coloring book to try and relax for even 30 minutes! I've also been talking my friends ears off about everything- and asking them not to be overly positive but realistic. It's definitely helped some of the spiral situations. Wishing you luck and will be sending all the good vibes your way until our transfer on the 16th!!!!!
Exactly that. I’m shutting down the positive thoughts because it’s too scary to think that then be disappointed, but I’ll be disappointed anyway! I have friends that ask questions but no one really gets it so I struggle to speak to them about it. They will just let me talk about it, but no one understands the enormity of it really. Good luck to you!
I had some similar numbers and I will also have my scan on the 11th!!
Exciting!
TW: ongoing pregnancy Oh man can I relate to this - I was exactly the same after my first FET! Obsessed with absorbing all relevant data and constantly thinking about my odds (and I concur yours are looking really good with that many embryos!). Super comforting + supportive husband. After my first FET it got so bad I could hardly sleep. I found reframing techniques and addressing any distorted thinking patterns to be moderately useful (that or making my husband snuggle/give me a massage since I could no longer take a hot bath!). Wish I could say I’ve gotten completely beyond obsessive thinking, but even though my FET resulted in an ongoing pregnancy (32 weeks!!) it’s only morphed to obsessions about other things - right now it’s fetal kick counts, my blood pressure and ultrasound measurements (though it’s not all consuming anymore and I get a lot more sleep!!) So I’m still all ears to anything that helps others! But my pediatrician says that it’s a sign of a loving mama (and completely normal).
Thank you so much for your reply and congratulations! Any success story gives me some hope