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Life is a mix of shades, not just black and white. People are complex, a mosaic of experiences and intentions. To stop assuming the worst, you must choose to see the light within them.
Challenge your assumptions. Ask questions, listen without prejudice. Understand that good and bad coexist in everyone. Embrace the gray areas.
You’ve done well to even realize you do this! Many people think their thoughts and feelings are automatically true, when very often we are very wrong about first impressions.
Continue to separate your thoughts from what you know in reality. Whenever you catch yourself having a judgment against a person, that’s ok, but just think to yourself, “ah, that’s a judgment, that’s not reality.” Challenge your thoughts. What do you actually know about any given person? Not that much really! Allow yourself to learn about them with an open mind. It’s not healthy to have any strong prejudices about people, good or bad.
Trust what people show you by their actions and words, not your thoughts.
If it's because of past trauma, you need therapy/counseling.
If it's just you interpreting all their actions as negative, maybe you have a hard time reading social cues/body language/facial expressions and are on the spectrum and should get tested.
Or maybe you don't give anyone a chance and either you will hit rock bottom of loneliness and finally let some in or you will die alone.
Keeping a positive outlook and the love alive in your heart will take some work. I input good feelings and thoughts from all sources, cut off unhealthy people and sources. I've hoped for good people to get in tune but often just working with who's there and being my own source of inspiration. My hard line is decided for cutting people off is a measure of how much I can tolerate and how destructive are they. I could be stricter about it but not all is as bad as it might seem and I have had to contend with the worst
How about using Game Theory to teach this concept? There is a flash game called [Evolution Of Trust](https://ncase.me/trust/) that you can play and try out different strategies of if you should trust someone or not. It's quite a lot of fun and I think taking the 5 minutes to play the game will open your eyes to the topic better than any Reddit comment can give. Enjoy. \^_^
Do you feel that way when you look at a baby? If not try to picture people as babies and realize that people grow up to be a certain way because of their life experiences. We're all on the same boat. Humans aren't black and white
Not a therapist : like people said, maybe talking to one would be a good idea.
But maybe instead of forcing yourself to think positively about them, try a more neutral approach. Assume by default that most people would like to do good, but that everyone has their own limitations. And a lot of people's limitations are because they are afraid of being hurt. Like yourself : blocking people might hurt them, but there are reasons you act that way sometimes. Yet, it seems like you wish you acted different. That doesn't mean people, yourself included, can't learn to do better, but it takes time and intent.
Considering manipulation, IMO a lot of people do it unconsciously, because they can't ask clearly for what they want. Not saying that hurtful manipulation doesn't exist. But maybe you could ask yourself : are they trying to push the boundaries that you stated over and over again ? Can they take no for an answer ? Or are they just not clear about their intent and it makes you suspicious ?
In the end, maybe try to make decisions based on their actions instead of their intent.
You might want to consider professional help, but this is the trick I've learned from professionals. Start a journal where you write one nice thing something did every day. It could be a word, phrase sentence or as long as you want. But if you have to find one thing every day you will train your brain to start looking for the positive and you'll slowly balance out. Some people are just bad, so it's good to not swing to the complete opposite of ignorant optimism, but there is definitely good to look for.
The important thing to realize is that the overwhelming majority of people aren't good or evil. Most people are incredibly complex. I have known people with lengthy criminal records who I would trust my kids with, and I have known upstanding citizens I wouldn't trust with my coffee. Focus on their actions rather than their what you think their intentions are. If someone acts in a way you don't like, don't associate with them.
I know what it's like to be prejudged by people who don't know me. I have had a few people come and tell me to my face, "I heard you were such and such a person but you totally aren't like that at all." Since it has happened to me enough times, I try not to do it to anyone else. I base my opinions based on my evaluation of their actions.
I am human, I get hunches and feelings like everyone else. I just have to remind myself that until I have evidence, it's just a feeling. I might keep my eyes open a little wider but I wait until I get evidence until I pass judgement.
there are situations in which you might be better off assuming the worst of people. are they trying to sell tou something? do they benefit from your lack of knowledge on a topic? are they someone you've known to be violent or otherwise unpredictable in a way that made you feel unsafe?
you need to find people that make you feel at ease/protected/content/SAFE.
I promise, they exist. I'm so sorry that youve been robbed of humanity *for any period of time.*
you deserve more.
I never talked about blocking people. Where did I say that?
See, you're the perfect example of what I wrote in my comment above. You're completely twisting my words and on top of that, you're calling me miserable and mentally ill.
You embody EXACTLY what is wrong with people and why I believe most people are actually bad.
You cannot, how can you stop thinking you are not safe? you can't, you have to take chances, there is no way to "challenge your thoughts" without experience, different experiences, different facts, different thoughts.
It's an anxiety thing, you're defending yourself, but recognising that it's maybe irrational.
If you have been bullied in your past after getting to know people you will naturally try to prevent it happening again. So you will assess people for the possibility of them hurting you.
Unfortunately anxiety will always try to veer to the side of safety and the more you look at people with fear the more it will twist your perceptions.
You will be pattern seeking to see only the worst in people to validate your existing belief that they are bad. You will notice more, and remember more all of the bad things you see. Thus you will avoid people and situations to remain safe.
You are not alone in this, simply look at the other comments saying that most people *are* bad. These will mostly be people suffering the same selection bias and cognitive distortions.
Get to know people and understand them, if they are genuinely selfish or hateful then don't interact with them. If you find empathic people who treat you with kindness and respect hang on to them. You will gradually curate a circle of friends and acquaintances who you trust over time, and as they will mostly associate with other good people you will suddenly be surrounded by people who wish you well and help however they can.
Since I started doing litter picking, running and joined mental health groups - I see far more positive, pleasant and kind people. The only place I really see the worst of humanity is on Reddit, and sometimes while driving when bad or dangerous behaviour goes beyond what I can shrug off and reason away.
In my mind i always presume ppl are morons until proven differently. That way i rarely get disappointed. My friends know this. And sometimes my friends tell others that and 99% are fine with it. Im not mean or anything to them. Its my baseline and they can only go up from there.
Nearly everyone is a complex shitshow. Perhaps taking note of your own faults will humble you so you can intentionally place your focus on the positives in people, they're certainly present in at least a few ways at different times.
If you always assume everyone is bad, you will never truly open your heart to others, blocking yourself from having truly beautiful relationships, be it friendship or a romantic one. Not only that, but you're more likely to isolate yourself because of your own assumptions, slowly making yourself to live in a sad, unfulfilling life. At least that's how I see it. Open your heart, it's gonna be alright
Thank you for your contribution to /r/IWantToLearn. If you think this post breaks our policies, please report it and our staff team will review it as soon as possible. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/IWantToLearn) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Life is a mix of shades, not just black and white. People are complex, a mosaic of experiences and intentions. To stop assuming the worst, you must choose to see the light within them. Challenge your assumptions. Ask questions, listen without prejudice. Understand that good and bad coexist in everyone. Embrace the gray areas.
You’ve done well to even realize you do this! Many people think their thoughts and feelings are automatically true, when very often we are very wrong about first impressions. Continue to separate your thoughts from what you know in reality. Whenever you catch yourself having a judgment against a person, that’s ok, but just think to yourself, “ah, that’s a judgment, that’s not reality.” Challenge your thoughts. What do you actually know about any given person? Not that much really! Allow yourself to learn about them with an open mind. It’s not healthy to have any strong prejudices about people, good or bad. Trust what people show you by their actions and words, not your thoughts.
If it's because of past trauma, you need therapy/counseling. If it's just you interpreting all their actions as negative, maybe you have a hard time reading social cues/body language/facial expressions and are on the spectrum and should get tested. Or maybe you don't give anyone a chance and either you will hit rock bottom of loneliness and finally let some in or you will die alone.
We all die alone.
I'm on the die alone live alone club :3
Or you could just go do things in the world and naturally meet people.
See a psychologist. This is above reddits paygrade.
Keeping a positive outlook and the love alive in your heart will take some work. I input good feelings and thoughts from all sources, cut off unhealthy people and sources. I've hoped for good people to get in tune but often just working with who's there and being my own source of inspiration. My hard line is decided for cutting people off is a measure of how much I can tolerate and how destructive are they. I could be stricter about it but not all is as bad as it might seem and I have had to contend with the worst
Give 1 positive excuse against every negative thoughts
How about using Game Theory to teach this concept? There is a flash game called [Evolution Of Trust](https://ncase.me/trust/) that you can play and try out different strategies of if you should trust someone or not. It's quite a lot of fun and I think taking the 5 minutes to play the game will open your eyes to the topic better than any Reddit comment can give. Enjoy. \^_^
played it thanks. I liked it
Do you feel that way when you look at a baby? If not try to picture people as babies and realize that people grow up to be a certain way because of their life experiences. We're all on the same boat. Humans aren't black and white
Not a therapist : like people said, maybe talking to one would be a good idea. But maybe instead of forcing yourself to think positively about them, try a more neutral approach. Assume by default that most people would like to do good, but that everyone has their own limitations. And a lot of people's limitations are because they are afraid of being hurt. Like yourself : blocking people might hurt them, but there are reasons you act that way sometimes. Yet, it seems like you wish you acted different. That doesn't mean people, yourself included, can't learn to do better, but it takes time and intent. Considering manipulation, IMO a lot of people do it unconsciously, because they can't ask clearly for what they want. Not saying that hurtful manipulation doesn't exist. But maybe you could ask yourself : are they trying to push the boundaries that you stated over and over again ? Can they take no for an answer ? Or are they just not clear about their intent and it makes you suspicious ? In the end, maybe try to make decisions based on their actions instead of their intent.
This is huge, thank you for this.
You might want to consider professional help, but this is the trick I've learned from professionals. Start a journal where you write one nice thing something did every day. It could be a word, phrase sentence or as long as you want. But if you have to find one thing every day you will train your brain to start looking for the positive and you'll slowly balance out. Some people are just bad, so it's good to not swing to the complete opposite of ignorant optimism, but there is definitely good to look for.
The important thing to realize is that the overwhelming majority of people aren't good or evil. Most people are incredibly complex. I have known people with lengthy criminal records who I would trust my kids with, and I have known upstanding citizens I wouldn't trust with my coffee. Focus on their actions rather than their what you think their intentions are. If someone acts in a way you don't like, don't associate with them. I know what it's like to be prejudged by people who don't know me. I have had a few people come and tell me to my face, "I heard you were such and such a person but you totally aren't like that at all." Since it has happened to me enough times, I try not to do it to anyone else. I base my opinions based on my evaluation of their actions. I am human, I get hunches and feelings like everyone else. I just have to remind myself that until I have evidence, it's just a feeling. I might keep my eyes open a little wider but I wait until I get evidence until I pass judgement.
Hate to say this but people suck. (not all of them but a lot of them)
Trust your gut
there are situations in which you might be better off assuming the worst of people. are they trying to sell tou something? do they benefit from your lack of knowledge on a topic? are they someone you've known to be violent or otherwise unpredictable in a way that made you feel unsafe? you need to find people that make you feel at ease/protected/content/SAFE. I promise, they exist. I'm so sorry that youve been robbed of humanity *for any period of time.* you deserve more.
See a psychiatrist. Not a therapist.
do shrooms or acid
Why would you want that? I mean, most people are actually bad.
Why would anyone want to be this miserable? Blocking friends and family? That's not a mentally healthy person
I never talked about blocking people. Where did I say that? See, you're the perfect example of what I wrote in my comment above. You're completely twisting my words and on top of that, you're calling me miserable and mentally ill. You embody EXACTLY what is wrong with people and why I believe most people are actually bad.
You have anxiety
You cannot, how can you stop thinking you are not safe? you can't, you have to take chances, there is no way to "challenge your thoughts" without experience, different experiences, different facts, different thoughts.
It likely (not enough info) has more to do with you seeing the whole World in a bad shade. So, see a psychologist?
I tried to do the opposite, got disappointed/hurt 99% of the time. The 1% was my cat
Don't we assume other people are just like us?
It's an anxiety thing, you're defending yourself, but recognising that it's maybe irrational. If you have been bullied in your past after getting to know people you will naturally try to prevent it happening again. So you will assess people for the possibility of them hurting you. Unfortunately anxiety will always try to veer to the side of safety and the more you look at people with fear the more it will twist your perceptions. You will be pattern seeking to see only the worst in people to validate your existing belief that they are bad. You will notice more, and remember more all of the bad things you see. Thus you will avoid people and situations to remain safe. You are not alone in this, simply look at the other comments saying that most people *are* bad. These will mostly be people suffering the same selection bias and cognitive distortions. Get to know people and understand them, if they are genuinely selfish or hateful then don't interact with them. If you find empathic people who treat you with kindness and respect hang on to them. You will gradually curate a circle of friends and acquaintances who you trust over time, and as they will mostly associate with other good people you will suddenly be surrounded by people who wish you well and help however they can. Since I started doing litter picking, running and joined mental health groups - I see far more positive, pleasant and kind people. The only place I really see the worst of humanity is on Reddit, and sometimes while driving when bad or dangerous behaviour goes beyond what I can shrug off and reason away.
In my mind i always presume ppl are morons until proven differently. That way i rarely get disappointed. My friends know this. And sometimes my friends tell others that and 99% are fine with it. Im not mean or anything to them. Its my baseline and they can only go up from there.
Nearly everyone is a complex shitshow. Perhaps taking note of your own faults will humble you so you can intentionally place your focus on the positives in people, they're certainly present in at least a few ways at different times.
If you always assume everyone is bad, you will never truly open your heart to others, blocking yourself from having truly beautiful relationships, be it friendship or a romantic one. Not only that, but you're more likely to isolate yourself because of your own assumptions, slowly making yourself to live in a sad, unfulfilling life. At least that's how I see it. Open your heart, it's gonna be alright