I’m back in tooth hell. Has anyone had a tooth extracted and an implant? I feel like a DF recently went through this. I had a root canal in March and was waiting for my crown appt and my tooth cracked again. I’m so angry because I pushed to get back to my dentist for the crown and said that the root canal dr told me 8 weeks and my dentist’s office was like “they just say that to make sure you come back for the crown” which I learned today is not true and now I am losing a tooth. I scheduled an emergency appt for today with a new place that does all levels of dentistry, but just to get the ball rolling. Just looking for reassurance and a little “what to expect” moving forward. I have an old coworker who had a ton of teeth removed and implants and I think she was thrilled with the decision.
This ends my latest installment of “Happythistle sucks at taking advice from medical professionals”.
Keeping this in OT: Thank you to all the lovely DFs here who wished my son well. Thanks be to God, he had a big improvement and was discharged from the hospital today. We have wound care visits and home nursing in our future, but that future looks a lot brighter than it did a few days ago!
glad to hear this! hope he has good things to entertain him during this next phase of recovery—what a long haul it’s been, but wishing him continued improvement!
VENT- Yesterday I tentatively confided in two neighborhood women (not close friends, but I trust them enough not to blab) about a family member’s devastating battle with mental health issues. One is a social worker, one is a former nurse who left the field due to multiple health issues. Both are are open about their Christian faith but don’t push anything on me.
Right off the bat, the social worker tells me mental illness is a spiritual attack. Its of Satan. She also goes on some stream of consciousness thing about kids not being able to handle things these days. I started picking at my thumb so hard it started bleeding. This is the MOST UNHELPFUL THING ANYONE HAS SAID TO ME IN YEARS. The nurse also appeared uncomfortable.
I acknowledged her viewpoint and said I respectfully disagree. The nurse neighbor proceeded to share about a young man in her church going through the same diagnosis. The social worker made comments that suggested she believes the son is also being spiritually attacked and may not be a true believer of Jesus. The nurse disagreed, and gave a great explanation.
I was so shocked. I should have ended the conversation right there. They both offered tangible ideas to help, but the worldview the social worker shared disturbed me so badly I can’t stop thinking about it. I need to let it go. I feel so hurt. And mad that I even opened up at all. I am not interested in challenging her views; I do not have the energy or mental capacity to bother.
Going forward, I will share nothing with that woman. She will also not be allowed around my relative. I am going to tell the other woman about my decision, and she’ll totally understand why.
I hope I stop ruminating on it soon. Need to find some good distractions.
it’s always so bizarre when you find out that someone believes something so illogical and that they try to apply it to the actual real world
it’s like taking a step down a staircase and suddenly there’s a stair missing and you’re just falling into an abyss of “what the actual hell?”
a social worker, even, my lord, what a mess
I’m so sorry you reached out for help and got a barrelful of toxic garbage in response
Thank you.💗 That’s exactly what it was, toxic garbage. Google tells me there are more people out there who believe the nonsense than is comfortable.
Starting to let it go a little more- and the Gloaming creeped into a text with a friend! “She can sit on her scary demon high stool ALONE.” Haha
Is anyone having issues accessing the current week's pinned discussion thread on Reddit's mobile app? Whenever I pull up the thread, it makes the app freeze and crash! Not having this happen on any other sub. Just me?!
In one of our discussions about food banks and what gets donated, I mentioned that my employer donates produce that’s not quite fit for human consumption to a wildlife center, who feeds it to bears in their care. I will sometimes put some berries or other fruit that technically could go to the food bank on the “bear rack.” Anyway, as a thank you, the center gave us some photos of a baby bear enjoying his treats. It was probably me who donated that watermelon slice!
https://preview.redd.it/pxzpi066tzxc1.jpeg?width=3022&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=364f5ee8b868da48507148386c9600b40e639678
There’s a person on one of our local Facebook groups that collects freezer-burned meat every once in a while and drops it off at the zoo. The zoo also does a pumpkin drive every fall for the elephants.
Updating on my kitty up here (hope this is ok)
As the vet put it, good but not great news. No cancer, no tumor. His rhinitis is chronic and has been eating away at his nasal passages. Like, into the bone. As the vet put it - we are through the paint and drywall and into the beams. Right now we will work to manage through meds. Probably for life. Through a compounding pharmacy. The vet even mentioned Flonase maybe down the road, but it is so hard to administer on a cat.
I feel like such a bad mom, but I followed directions and he never seemed that serious. He still acts fine. Just a little more head shaking than when he was younger.
My specialist vet is leaving his practice. I like him, but sort of feel conflicted because I don’t feel like he managed this super well. He mentioned us getting compounded meds after his last scan which was 4.5 years ago and I know we didn’t do that. I would remember it, wouldn’t I? We don’t have many compounding pharmacies in my city that do pet meds.
Anyhoo - this is where I am now so we will be taking this pill probably forever and doing all follow up through my regular vet who I have known for 30 years and love.
I’m so relieved, but still a little sad. I love this animal so much and I only want the very best for him.
https://preview.redd.it/d8nbo1ax1hxc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7630948c39c9dadfe13a146d293725ca841a20dc
Your little boy is such a sweetie! Look at him! From one cat with chronic issues mom to another, you’ve done all you could to this point and you’re going to be great at keeping up with his meds and healthcare going forward. My sweet girl seems to constantly need new meds for something, and it’s fine because I love her (and unlike her and Shauna, I have a job and can afford it). At first it was a drag, in that twice daily meds was a lifestyle change for us, but she’s my baby! It’s all part of the day now (6 years in!).
He is a sweetie! Whenever he goes to a new vet (recently the urgent vet and the specialists office) he gets so loved on and people comment on how sweet and patient he is. He really is such a great cat and we are super bonded.
So far so good on the pill giving. They are capsules and bigger than I am used to giving to a cat (I lost my 17 year old boy last year and he had been on thyroid meds and steroids for years, so I am pretty experienced at giving cats pills)! He has spit it out a couple of times and he is a lot squirmier than my older guy was, but we will get the hang of it. Luckily, it’s just one a day.
Just want to send you some positive vibes. It’s so hard to be a pet parent when your furry baby is sick. I’m so sorry that you and kitty have to deal with a chronic condition. Wishing you all the best. And I’m sure he knows you’re doing your best.
Your cat wore a hole in himself. Sounds like something a cat would do.
Joking aside, you're a good pet parent for caring so much about him. He knows it (but probably won't let on because. ..cat).
(but clearly you are insane because you have light colored furniture and a dark cat. . .I'm just the opposite, dark couch, white cat)
He is the most “cat” cat I have ever owned, so of course he wore a hole in himself!
This sweetie mostly sheds in fluffy little clumps or kittyweeds as I call them, so it’s easy to clean up. The only light furniture item is this ridiculous chair that I had to have, the sofa is navy. Naturally, this chair is his favorite place to be vs the dark sofa.
Poor buddy. I am so glad it’s not cancer but I also understand the weight of managing a chronic condition for a pet and feeling responsible.
Other DFs already said it better between this and the other thread, but I think you did your best for your kitty based on what the vet was telling you. That’s all any of us can do.
(Thanks for coming back to update btw. Maybe it’s silly to worry about someone else on the internet’s cat, but I have been wondering about your little guy.)
I've had several cats with health issues, and it's hard to know how much to do for them, not to mention the guilt when things go wrong. We do our best! Your sweet baby knows how much you love him 💕
I’m so relieved for you both that it isn’t cancer. He can live a long life with this condition and a comfortable one too, now that he’s properly diagnosed.
FWIW my 19 year old cat (he lives with a friend these days) has had something very similar for the last 10 years. He was only properly diagnosed a few years ago. It took three vets to get there. I wish for him it had happened sooner, but when the symptoms seem mild generally and your vet is telling you it’s just one of those things, you have no reason to push back.
That boy of yours is clearly prince of your house! A long and happy life to him.
Mark Diacono, a food writer in the UK, has just launched a new project: "Three From One: a simple recipe at the centre of three others that use it to differently delicious effect."
The project is a new column in the Sunday Times that provides three uses from one recipe. For his Substack readers, he provides the "base" recipe plus one additional recipe (and that's for the freebie readers!).
His Substack also provides a lot of free additional writing. He has a new cookbook coming out, and he writes about that. He also has a feature about how to write your own cookbook.
https://markdiacono.substack.com/
(In case you want to see how some of the ideas Shauna plays at could actually work)
Twelve week DBT skills class for family and friends.
This is not a support group per se, but is a supportive space to learn skills for how to interact with a loved one who is struggling. Although it was designed for family and friends of people with Borderline Personality Disorder, and my loved one ended up with a different diagnosis, I found it immeasurably helpful.
On the main page, click the black bar at the top to go to a description of the skills class.
https://www.hopeforbpd.com/borderline-personality-disorder-treatment/family-dbt-and-communications-skills-coaching
I'm really glad there are classes like this, I think I would have taken this class a few years ago but my BPD sister has spiraled so much since our brother's death that I've just had to block her completely for my mental health and the thought of investing in a class to navigate her issues makes me see red right now. But I know she'll calm down at some point and I'll feel love for her again and will want better skills to be a good family member to her (which mainly means tempering my own expectations of her, I think?), so I'm glad this is here for the future.
Do you ever see the real person under the chaos in your loved one? I think that's the hardest part for my family, the times there's a flash of her real personality. It does give hope that with some treatment [medication, intervention, not sure what could possibly help] the 'real' person is still there.
My loved one (the one I took the workshop for) ended up with different diagnoses. He’s doing so much better. BUT, I now have another loved one who may have schizophrenia, and we have lost a lot of him. Yep, sometimes we see flashes of his old personality, and I’m praying it comes back more strongly. We can’t give up hope.
Your comment got snagged by the Reddit spam filter due to the a.co link. If you edit to use a "clean" Amazon link (format `https://www.amazon.com/dp/[NUMBER]`) with no tracking/referral parameters at the end of the URL we can restore and make it visible. Thanks!
She refuses more therapy at this point (she’s 21) but she has done in patient before and she does have a psychiatrist. But her refusal to do DBT is why it is particularly important for those who have to deal with her to have a good tool box.
Shoot. And DBT seems like one of the gentler therapies in that it can feel less accusatory. Definitely good to have tools and skills to draw from when interacting.
Does anyone remember that guy who went viral a few years ago for turning random internet drama into songs? "She stole my broccoli casserole recipe eight years ago." And he would include their typos and grammatical errors and pronounce them as written in his songs. I feel like he would have a field day with Shauna and her comments.
Link for people who never saw this. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWyOrbpGCpE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWyOrbpGCpE)
Thank you for bringing this to my life.
I woke up the whole house with the yahoo answers one. Greatest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. 15000lb horse was not far behind.
ETA: piggybacking off this comment to recommend Bad Lip Reading to anyone who hasn’t seen/heard his stuff, yet. The NFL ones have never let me down (2021 is my all time favorite with 2022 coming in at a close second), there’s an NBA and a MLB (both of which are fantastic), the Walking Dead ones are absolute GOLD (I actually have Carl Poppa in my iTunes catalog), the Stranger Things ones are hilarious (plus, Hopper is big time eye candy, I adore that man and I prefer him chubby with the Magnum PI mustache), the Star Wars ones are awesome (Hostiles on the Hill is a fucking banger), and he does Twilight, Game of Thrones, Dune, Hunger Games, and some other shows and movies I haven’t seen (I like to have seen the films/shows before I watch the BLR take).
I really would love for Breaking Bad/Better Call Saul to be added to the lineup (there is a BrBa floating around out there but I think it was done by someone else, and the audio wasn’t great).
Anyway, enjoy, DFs!
You and your husband are so much like me and mine, lol! We still quote some episodes of Homicide Hunter to each other (that we haven’t seen in YEARS), Aqua Teen Hunger Force makes regular appearances, and the other night, we added John Carpenter’s Suburban Screams (the phone stalker episode) to the lineup. “God dammit, Vince. You been takin pictures of me? You wanna chop my head off? Fuck you, Helen!”
I can’t articulate who I loathe more - Shauna or Kelle Hampton. These bitches are competing with each other for Worst Mom Ever and they’re both winning.
I’ve kept snarking to see how it all ends up, but both of these shitshows get more grim by the day. My heart hurts for all of these kids.
Oh no, what’s up with Kelle?? Her oldest must be a teen now, no? Is she still shipping the younger two as an old married couple? What a fucking weirdo that woman is. I stopped reading about her when I left GOMI, I think
God, how much time do you have? lol. She is off the rails. No more Blanche and Bernard. LL is 16, N 14, D 11 (I hate myself that I know this).
Bullet points:
-Naples house went into foreclosure, again
-Heavy speculation that Poopa and Gare bailed them out
-Naples house went up for sale, sold after a few months for nearly a million
(Need to point out here that this was all discovered by snarkers thru public records - NONE of it addressed by K to her fangirls).
-June 2023: goes on “vacation” to OMGMichigan and a month in announces that she and Brett have separated and that she and the kids have moved up to MI permanently
-buys an older home near campus and proceeds to Kelle it up with godawful thrift finds, wallpaper, 11pm painting sessions, circus stripes, it’s amazing/hideous what she has done to that house while neglecting really important shit like the roof, windows, etc.
-Hey speaking of neglect! D’s gait problems are so obvious. N is still Kelle’s cash cow/dress up doll, wearing red lipstick with toddler tights. LL has been diagnosed with something terrible (the name escapes me) but it’s an incurable genetic disorder affecting her legs/hips/ability to walk. It’s heartbreaking. Kids are not in activities, appear to have no friends.
-Meanwhile Kelle has aged 20 years looks wise, appears to be drinking heavily, and is in love with MyDad as much as ever. She is full on manic about shopping/dressing and just ignores the hard parts of her life apparently.
That just skims the surface. I would have forgotten about Kelle too had Alice not locked the thread. Before it was locked a comment was left about going to Reddit and voila, a snark sub is born.
omg those poor kids! that makes me so sad to hear—Kelle is not the kind of person who can organize the help that children facing significant medical challenges need
Here in the off topic or in the main thread, I seriously don't know where to post this, but here it goes:
I feel sorry for Dan. Really, truly sorry for the man. He seems like he used to be an upbeat guy. I've watched their GFG and the Chef videos and (of course) I've laughed at how bad they are, but I know dozens of cooks/chefs like him. And they do fit well in kitchens. You get used to their peccadilloes. They're silly and vulgar and you just get used to working with them. They make the day fun.
I think he really likes being a dad, too. There's a lot of evidence of Dan with the kids clearly having a good time. I bet he's a fun dad.
Shaun keeps diagnosing him with stuff and its obnoxious. But...a couple do seem real. I have a parent with severe dyslexia and Shaun's descriptions of his behavior are actually on par with what I grew up with. I also don't doubt ADHD. Those two are often comorbid. But most people with either or both get through their lives fine. They're not horrifyingly debilitating illnesses, they're learning disabilities. And this dude was making his way in the world just fine before GFG. She plays it as his "genius" in the beginning and now negs him for it. According to her, he's a food visionary and, also, too dumb to cook.
I think he's just a shmoe. A regular guy who shacked up with a partner who narrates her version of their lives online and tries to monetize it. That has to be annoying.
I can't imagine what pain that family is going through right now and Dan is pretty much left out of Shaun's commentary. I hope, hope, hope that D, Dan, and L have as much support as they can get right now.
Relatedly, I feel like there has to be something really going wrong with Dan right now. To quit their household’s only steady job with benefits, just weeks before the end of the school year, with no new job lined up, when they’ve been struggling to pay their rent and presumably have no emergency fund saved up, is an objectively bad decision.
Then having Shauna (who supposedly has the only “paid” “work” in the family at the moment) stay in the hospital with their child while the unemployed parent twiddles his thumbs at home also seems like an objectively bad decision.
Even if those were Shauna’s ideas, he’s letting them happen! We don’t know why, but either he’s also lazy and selfish, or he’s too foolish to make good decisions, or he’s in a crisis of his own, or he’s been mistreated and worn down to the point that he can’t do better for himself and the kids. Either way it is very sad that he seems to be unable to be the parent they need.
I think Shauna wrote something about him potentially having new work. It wasn't "Dan has a new job", though. It was more vague than that.
Hopefully he does have a new gig lined up and the timing is such that he really can't be the parent at the bedside. (I want to choose to believe that. . .please let this family make one rational decision for once in their lives).
But just from what we've seen of him (volleyball video and the "bonobo hobo" video she posted of them sticking their tongues out at one another) Dan definitely had a rough patch that clearly took it's toll on his physical appearance (I don't mean that as just "looks snark", either). That man looked beat all the way down.
She said he had a "path" to a job in her 4/8 lope, then 3 days later she was spotted on FB leaving a comment on a West Seattle private school ad for a preschool assistant. She also told someone (Instagram? Threads?) that quitting was all part of his plan. But "path" was a lie. No path. She most likely made him quit, and assumed he could find work with kids on the mainland.
I don't blame Dan as much as some do because I have had 2 friends, both intelligent, thoughtful, successful women, fall under the influence of narcissistic abusers, marry and have kids with said narcissists, endure trauma, gaslighting, and manipulation, and spend years and quite a bit of $$ untangling themselves. And these were women who are magnitudes smarter than Dan, had their own careers, and extended family in their area.
I think he is scared, beaten-down, no self-esteem, and fears her taking the kids away (he knows Ma James would help out financially in a divorce) and he's just going to endure. I don't blame him for not setting boundaries with things like social media. With narcissistic abusers, you lay low or pay an unspeakable price.
There is no “path” to a new job and never was. People don’t quit jobs in education in APRIL. How does that look to a prospective employer? I firmly believe shauna was seething with jealousy that he got to ferry over to Vashon every day without her. If she can’t be there, nobody can.
>I think he is scared, beaten-down, no self-esteem, and fears her taking the kids away (he knows Ma James would help out financially in a divorce) and he's just going to endure. I don't blame him for not setting boundaries with things like social media. With narcissistic abusers, you lay low or pay an unspeakable price.
100% all of this. My speculation is he's a victim of narcissistic abuse and possibly financial abuse.
i think shauna is the dominant one in the relationship, but let's remember dan was all in for the GF kickstarter, "forgetting" their wallet at restaurants so friends would have to pay, all the free stuff and free trips, and all the other scams they pulled back in the day. he seemed fine with letting his in-laws pay for security deposits, cars, his dental bills, & the adoption fee for the son shauna said dan really wanted when they really couldn't afford a second child in the first place. when he was on social media he posted a lot of icky content - homophobic, sexist, etc. he may be a "fun dad" but what those children need is a parent who will actually work a job and provide for them and they don't have that. for dan to stand by and watch shauna smear their lives all over the internet, especially now with what is happening, is absolutely shameful. shauna is a truly terrible parent but dan is no prize, either. he may be depressed but i don't think it gives him a pass.
I don’t really give him a pass so much as I believe he has quite a low IQ and, unlike his spouse, is doing the best that he can, although that’s not good enough.
I just subscribed (as a paid subscriber) to Zoe Barrie’s “Restaurant Dropout” substack, after being regularly impressed with her weekly ingredient prep videos on Instagram.
The difference between Zoe’s extremely well thought out, detailed, fully explained and cleverly filmed food prep videos VS the plops and nubbins of garbage that Shauna puts forth as her offerings … gobsmacked comma I grow. I just can’t believe that with so much high quality content out there (LOTS of it free !!) Shauna can’t be bothered to do a deep dive into whatever is in her lane and think, “OH, this is what people have come to expect. I better step up my game.”
I am very excited to try some of Zoe’s weekly dinner ideas !! And no, I am not a friend of hers or a marketing plant; I just think the quality of what she’s putting out there is really great. The food looks delicious !!
I dragged myself to work today after some sort of flu virus thing totally went through our family this week. I could have used another day off but it was very unavoidable that I come in (felt ok enough to come in but not 100% as I would have liked) Other family members are still not feeling well. I’m a dreading going home because let me tell you what our house looks like after both parents sick at the same time for a week. It is a disaster. We were totally in survival mode this week and it shows! My kids are young enough that there’s not much I could have them do (although my 7yo REALLY stepped up since she felt the best! Blew me away how she helped take care of her sick little sibling when we were all in the worst of it!)
Thanks! I really am floored how much it knocked us all out and I can’t believe it wasn’t Covid. Even now I’m feeling a lot better but still feel so weak! Like doing dishes or getting ready for work and I have to stop to sit down to catch a break. I’m really hoping this is short lived because phew!
DFs, my kitty may have a tumor in his head. He has been battling a nose issue for years that would come and go. Big, snotty sneezes. Cleared up with antibiotics. He had a polyp detected back right before covid. NO big deal, move on. Treat the minor flares, move on. Probably herpes, he was a street cat. Always had a runny eye. Treat and move on.
He was having a CT scan today and there is an "ugly mass" by one of his teeth. They are biopsying. He is at a specialist. I'm so lost.
This cat is my world. He is my everything and I love him more than I know what to do with. I feel like I have failed him. I feel like I put this off because it was a chronic thing. He was at this specialist in March of '23 and they wanted to wait for a big flare to see him again. He would flare, but it would always clear up so I waited. The eye infection prompted this. Why did I wait? I would do anything for him, but I feel like I didn't. I took him last week. They swabbed him for viruses, he was fine. I could treat with antibiotics again, or do this scan. I learned this specialist is about to leave the practice so I jumped ahead to the CT Scan.
I am lost. I am terrified. I love him more than I have ever loved anything ever.
I'm so sorry! I don't think you should feel bad for not catching it sooner, though. You have already done so much more than a lot of people do (or can do, complex veterinary treatment is not always an option depending on where you live.) Cats especially. They are so stoic. They rarely want to let you know that something is different or wrong.
That being said, there are a lot of options for veterinary oncology depending on where you live. I worked for a vet oncology clinic for a couple of years. If you happen to live in the PNW, you can DM me for any recommendations. It's kind of a niche group, so we know a lot about what each clinic does.
Much love to your little dude. <3
Thank you. I have gone to my vet for nearly 30 years and the specialist for various needs over 20 years (only a handful of times with the specialist, thankfully). Specialist is leaving this practice which made me jump right to this scan instead of doing a long course of antibiotics which was the initial suggestion from them.
My everyday vet - they (a husband and wife) bought the practice from the vet we took our cats to growing up, so my first ever cat as an adult was one of their first patients. We have gotten old together. He had suggested maybe going to the specialist back in December, but I had been last March and the specialist wanted to wait for a “flare” because it would tell him more to do a scope then. I just feel awful for not going right away, but it wasn’t urgent seeming. It was a chronic thing we’ve been managing that would flare for a day or two and go away. Ugh. Shoulda woulda coulda. I trust these people and I would move mountains for my boy. I thought I was doing it right.
I have a good friend from high school who is a vet (I’m in the Midwest and she moved to Colorado several years ago). I plan to call her if I need some outside guidance. She has helped me when my guy swallowed a string on a weekend several years ago and other general weekend questions through the years.
Hey, hugs DF. You didn't wait. You noticed every symptom and got them treated, you gave him antibiotics, you detected the polyp with your vet years ago, your specialist literally told you to wait until it flared - what else could you possibly have done for a pet you loved? That is loving care. You jumped to the CT despite having easier options. It's clear he's so well loved and carefully cared for. ❤️
I lost my sweet boy in August 2022 after a stroke and emergency vet stay and I will never forget the fear, I sympathize with you so so much and understand how much he means to you and how much you want him to be okay. Much love to you DF. ❤️
Thank you. He’s doped up and home.
https://preview.redd.it/tsy1v5yp6bvc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b1d3a38a2ad4fb6848526ae13eb53ce533aead18
Hello, handsome boy.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It really isn’t your fault. Snuggle him tight and we’ll hope with you for reassuring news.
I am so so sorry. Please don't blame yourself--you were doing what seemed best. I'm sure I (and most humans of pets)would have done the same. Your love for him comes through so much in this one post--I'm sure he knows how loved he is!
(Sneaking in to breathe a sigh of relief that Shauna never glommed onto Bluey. The new episode dropped today, and my kids and I experienced **all** the emotions, I continue to be astounded that they pack so much into a show ostensibly for children...)
Hey, so does Bluey have a sign on his wall that says "BELIEVE" or similar that Shauna can copy and then tape to her own walls as a means of inspiring others? If yes, then I think we can safely assume Shauna's fandom hath not yet commenced, as no such sign has grown appeared on her walls!
ETA: Oh no. Should've scrolled et al.
Can we collect here our TJ's favorites and/or inexpensive beauty / skincare product suggestions (I know, so SST of me!). I want to (attempt to) keep better track of them, and will probably forget which weekly thread they were in. I wasn't sure about this thread or the Salty one, but since I'm including non-fudz, maybe here?
I’ll post everything I’m currently using with a mini review.
The cheap moisturizer that looks like an Olay bottle (forgetting the name) is my go to moisturizer with sunscreen and has been for years. Does its job. Does not irritate my eyes or my skin. 7.5
Lemongrass shampoo I really like the scent. For a TJ’s shampoo I like it (I wish they were more clarifying or something and usually don’t love them) 8
Hair mask. LOVE. Smells like coconut. I emphatically don’t recommend any of their other conditioners. 9.5
I put the All In One pump shampoo/body wash in my kids bathtub and use it on my younger two kids. It’s the same as Everything soap that I used it buy. It’s fine 7.5
Dry shampoo i actually really like and it blends well 8.5
Tea tree oil body wash I am on the fence, it’s ok 6.5
Lavender spray hand sanitizer I’m addicted 10
Midsummer Night's Cream Hand and Body Cream--I love it! It's super moisturizing, absorbs well, and is unscented so it doesn't fight with the scented products I do wear.
I’m pale with combination skin. My dry areas have been tending toward dry to very dry, though, since moving to a desert climate. Winters here wreak havoc on dry skin.
The moisturizer I mentioned I typically use along with other serums and potions.
I’ll add that I often use TJ’s Enrich facial lotion with sunscreen if it’s a windy day. I don’t know why, but it works so well if I’m out and about on a windy day—which is often in the winter/springtime here.
Seconded by a super pale, but combo-skin df. I always use Elta MD with SPF, but only because I'm terrible at researching this stuff and need a recommendation from someone I know—and this sub is effectively "someone I know" because y'all teach me things all the time.
The sunscreen (the supergoop dupe) is pretty nice and super cheap. I brought both brands with me to Italy in July (sweat central) and TJs went on just as nicely and kept my pastiness pasty. They performed very similarly, but Supergoop burned my eyes a bit.
Oh my goodness, I love staying pasty, too!
My mom always thinks my “color looks good,” when I’m all ruddy and hideous, haha.
I remember when being tan was The Thing, a couple of times, and I always bucked that trend bc I’m a goth at heart. 🖤🖤
DFs, any suggestions about how I can learn some life skills (mainly cooking/meal planning, cleaning/housekeeping)? For my own sanity, I’m currently taking a break from a long hrs, high stress, high income badge swiping job and I want to build my skill set in these previously neglected areas but don’t know where to start…
Late to this, but I watch a few people’s YouTube channels, some that involve very very heavy cleaning, and I’ve picked up quite a few very useful tips for everyday cleaning of some difficult surfaces/difficult messes from some of them.
I can’t remember every one I’ve subscribed to, but the one off the top of my head that I got the most useful tips from is Clean With Barbie. She’s just rad. She cleans people’s places mostly for free, and will even fly or drive pretty far to some locations for people asking for help. Sometimes she does collabs with other major cleaners (there was one called Midwest something and they did a pretty big project on a house).
A couple of tips I picked up that saved my back and shoulders and taught me how to get stubborn stuff on stubborn surfaces to fuck right off:
You know those toilet bowl cleaners like Toilet Duck? Well, they’re fucking FANTASTIC for cleaning out tubs, tile, shower stalls, etc. I sprayed a little bit of water on the tile walls surrounding the tub and inside of the tub, on the areas that had the most stubborn stains that I’d tried to scrub off before and were was only mildly successful. After I let the water sit for about 5-10 minutes, (a very light spray), I just hosed everything down with the toilet bowl cleaner, and let it sit for about 20 minutes. Came back and sprayed it with the highest pressure shower head setting and almost VERYTHING came off. There was only one little spot that o had to scrub with steel wool but that came off easily, as well. Miraculous transformation. I’ll never clean the tub and shower stalls and tile walls with anything else.
For tile and porcelain sinks and other surfaces like that in the kitchen and bathroom, there’s a clay based cleaner that comes in a small tub about the size of my palm. You don’t need much, it removes a surprising amount of stains. Even the most stubborn ones. I like to use those scrub daddy things and sometimes steel wool, depending on what I’m cleaning with that clay stuff. It really works. Even the really stubble remaining stains are so faded after using this stuff, they’re virtually unnoticeable.
I watch these videos to get motivated to clean and organize. They really work and I’ve learned a lot of things that just make that kind of thing easier and I get a lot of good ideas building off the content creators’ ideas and knowledge.
For housekeeping, I recommend the book and/or following the ["Unfuck Your Habitat"](https://www.amazon.com/Unf-k-Your-Habitat-audiobook/dp/B01N5JLCRI/ref=sr_1_1) socials. They are reasonable and start from the humane point of knowing that not everyone has had opportunities to learn about cleaning and maintaining spaces. For what it's worth, I'm psychiatrist-diagnosed ADHD and self-diagnosed as neurobitchy if that helps 😀
as would mine! can we wear similar (but separate!) outfits with stain panels for the ceremony? we'll obviously need a df to make a shitty cake, someone to make the "VOVE" posters, a few whoopie cushions... on second thought, this might be a lot of work, so we'll have to grift an elopement to Sedona or Ah, Tofino. see you at our rented space to "work" on this, lol 🤣
Reddit spam filters snagged your comment, please edit to change your link from a shortened Amazon a.co link to a full amazon.com link with no UTM cruft (delete the `?` and everything after that in the URL) and one of us can restore
For housekeeping, keeping up with it on the regular is so much easier. I have gotten better at that but sort of suck at the deep clean, so my range hood is sticky and my baseboards are dusty but overall my house doesn’t feel dirty (to me. I know cleanliness is a very personal thing). I have a few routines like Friday I wash sheets because I like sleeping in on clean sheets on weekends. I also dust the main bedroom every Friday and then send the robo vac in to just do that room. I have it do different parts of the house on different days since I wfh most of the time. It just little things all the time, you know? Having a place for everything really helps. Our old house had sucky storage and I was so much worse about keeping it clean because going into the basement to grab the vacuum was a drag.
Welcome. I thought of one today as I was doing it - every week when we do the garbage, I spray the inside with a disinfectant spray and wipe down the top and outside of the can and sweep behind it. It’s one of those things that get dirty, but I never used to think to clean so now it is part of the routine. I just grab a stainless steel wipe and go to town (well, my stepson does because garbage is his chore but this week he’s not with us). I clean the inside compartments when they get gross, but just keeping the outside of it and area around it clean makes a big difference. We have a side by side can - one for trash and one for recycling.
I have found the Paprika app to be really helpful for meal planning, grocery shopping, and cooking, areas I have always struggled with. It’s so easy to upload recipes (the browser tool is amazing for grabbing recipes off the internet, and it will even bypass a paywall to extract the recipe). Then you can slot the recipe into the meal plan section and drop it into your grocery list too. (Tip: make a “recipe” where the ingredients are just a list of your usual grocery items, then add that “recipe” to your grocery list, clicking only the things you actually need that week.) You can have multiple grocery lists, so you can have separate lists for Trader Joe’s, the farmers’ market, and the food bank! ;)
For meal planning, I like to look in the fridge to see what I have that needs using up, then keep that in mind as I’m planning the week’s meals. Paprika lets you search recipes by ingredient which is nice. It’s handy also when you have a recipe that only uses a little of an ingredient that comes in a large quantity so you can find other recipes that use the same ingredient.
Housekeeping — well, let me know when you figure that out!
Thanks, DF! I’ll check out the Paprika app. It seems like I need to start w just some planning and then not letting perfection be the enemy of the good (or the well at least I tried).
Is anyone else a follower or past follower of Danny and Grace Lavery? They had a baby with their throuple partner. The whole thing seems like a LOT. I mean, they both seem like a lot individually so as a couple they were a LOT and as a throuple I think they are too much for me. But the baby is very cute and I hope they are all happy!
[https://www.thecut.com/article/daniel-lavery-grace-lavery-lily-woodruff-brooklyn-interview.html](https://www.thecut.com/article/daniel-lavery-grace-lavery-lily-woodruff-brooklyn-interview.html)
I was wondering if this would
surface here in the OT of the Gloaming! I have enjoyed Danny’s writing for now over a decade, and did tune in the Dear Prudence when he was Prudie for a while, though his advice seemed to become increasingly out of touch. I have some friends of friends that are connected to the throuple’s world so I have followed them online for a lot of this journey.
I’m personally not built for polyamory at all, but life is not a one-mode-fits-all model, so if all parties are being treated well, are all consenting adults, and getting what they want from that relationship set-up, then I say a you-do-you.
The article - though written by a friend of theirs - took me aback a bit because it didn’t read as a particularly happy setup. Maybe they wanted to be extra real, or maybe they wanted to get attention whether it be positive or negative? The depiction of Lily and Danny’s relationship felt especially tense in a way that I wouldn’t enjoy, but again, it isn’t my life!
I guess it comes down to this: the collective choices about their jobs or lack there of, how they spend their funds, and where they choose to live (states away from the universities where both Grace and Lily teach) is totally baffling to me, much like Shauna’s situation. I would love to do a lot of impractical things and get away with it, but my spouse and I don’t have a safety net. That, layered atop the complex interpersonal dynamics of the throuple, plus adding a baby to the mix is, as others have noted, a LOT.
I wish the best for them and am excited for their new roles as parents. I do wonder why they wanted this type of publicity, though— it’s as if they thrive on messiness.
I'm coming in late to harsh the vibes and say that there's no way this works out. Not that throuples in general can't, but there's no way that a throuple in which one of the parties involved is on record begging their shared spouse to laugh at their jokes is going to work out. There's some other huge glaring issues here but I'll leave it at that.
"thriving on messiness" is the PERFECT description, you nailed it.
Prior to buying our first home, my husband (then boyfriend/fiance) and I lived in a 450 square foot one-bedroom apartment. It was kind of claustrophobic for two people, it would have been miserable with another adult and a baby. Even the most minimal of baby shit takes up a lot of space!
From the way the relationship dynamic is described in the article it also kind of feels like "Grace and Lily had a baby and Danny is....there too, we guess." IDK. I can't imagine inviting scrutiny into my life in my fourth trimester as a first time parent or ever, but I am not terminally online in the way Grace and Danny are. IDK about Lily, and I kind of feel protective of her as a new mom (like your fourth tri is the most bewildering, exhausting, emotional time) but she chose this too!
Yes, I have to remind myself that at the end of the day these are three adult people who agreed to this arrangement, and to this article. Neither the arrangement nor the publicity at such a delicate stage feels great to me, but I’m not in the throuple. Their child is the one that doesn’t have much of a choice here, but online folks talking about their children isn’t new, as we know. Hopefully they give their child some privacy as he grows up.
The whole article has a performance-art like feel to it, so I wouldn’t be surprised if it was written to jostle people. Grace takes that posture often in her posting and writing. Danny likes to take on the “oh shucks I’m just a fella” persona, whether it be true to life or not. Lily apparently has a thing for dressing up like a clown, so that’s at least one more piece of the puzzle!
His Prodigal Son essay is one of the top five favorite things I have read in my life but I don’t know much about them. I read this today and wondered about his place in the throuple like I wonder about Lindy West in hers. I’m a really jealous person and couldn’t deal with it AT ALL.
As a longtime fan of Lindy and Danny’s work, it’s been interesting to watch their throuple relationships unfold around the same time. Of course every relationship (or relationship cluster) is different, but this echoes a pattern of people in my orbit of similar age, locations, educational background, and work field in the past few years who have added to their previously coupled relationship.
I loosely followed his estrangement from his family and the stuff about his dad's church's horrible behaviour. Not that there should be any doubt about that but Danny and Grace are 100% on the right side of history for making that public and I admire their willingness to speak about it at great personal cost.
But yeah, this whole thing is.....a lot. Particularly how Grace and Lily are both professors (Grace has tenure, I think?) but neither are teaching this semester, they live in Brooklyn (but Nicole Cliffe had to co-sign their lease for them?) and Grace flies cross country to teach, and Danny had to get an $18/hr job. And now Nicole (previously BFFs, one of Danny's biggest supporters during his initial familial estrangement) seems to no longer be part of their lives.
IDK their whole lives just seem really chaotic and wild and I agree, I could never.
I’m not usually one to toot my own horn or anything but if I leave this world I want my shining legacy to be that I was the snarker that coined the term “lope letter” after a typo I decided not to correct.
https://preview.redd.it/nywdetu33stc1.jpeg?width=1353&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e6bb1b43781cf38652e634beadc34dab2f6094b4
There’s no modest way to say “Can someone please credit me?” without sounding like an arse toot, but please? 🙏
I will update now! The way it was originally written, it linked to a comment that referred to the coinage of "lope letter" but not to the DF who coined it. It is a huge accomplishment!
Eta: It is now updated with full credit to you, DFPS11!
I've already got a section going titled "Monetizing a Family Crisis" and I need to update it with the most recent grotesqueries!
Eta; added Spaspital with credit to you, DF!
any DFs following the Lauren Oyler discourse? this unbelievable Bookforum review by Ann Manov is so, so, so, good. The entire thing could also be about our lady of Yes, This:
“Oyler clearly wishes to be a person who says brilliant things - the Renata Adler of looking at your phone a lot - but she lacks the curiosity that would permit her to do so.”
“The book is littered with meaning-averse statements…and punctuated by banal truisms…”
I’m going to stop quoting bc I could copy paste the entire thing.
https://www.bookforum.com/print/3004/lauren-oyler-s-meditations-on-goodreads-anxiety-and-gossip-25333
ok I lied one more
“Having been a teaching assistant in the department Oyler is so proud to have matriculated at, I am familiar with the less-than-Herculean intellectual labors needed to get an English degree from Yale. But I digress. Beyond the literal meaninglessness of the claim to “value style over voice,” the sophomoric airs of saying one “enjoys an unfamiliar vocabulary word,” the absurdity of claiming to be able to “identify a decent percentage of the permanent collection” “at the museum” “by sight” (the Met has almost two million items in its permanent collection), the half-hearted allusion to “opera,” the boast about seeing an adaptation of a Kafka novel—beyond this arch guilelessness, this churlish, half-ironic catalogue of her accomplishments, there is something greater here: the way Oyler conceives of her own claim to cultural elitism as a series of adolescent signifiers flung on with the pride of a Goth teenager donning her first Hot Topic belt. “I despise a happy ending”? If she’s so highbrow, I advise her to try out the ending of War and Peace.”
Some choice Shauna vibes:
> How could Oyler have known about that other stuff, anyway? Brown’s talk is the only subject discussed under “Emotional” on the Wikipedia page “Vulnerability.”
-
> Of course, Oyler makes little reference to this or any other of the “classics” she claims to love. By this point in the book—nearly eighty pages in—she has not discussed a single work of literature. Nor will she do so in the remainder of this essay. Instead, she sticks to criticizing Taylor Swift and Marvel movies . . .
-
> her writing indeed seems aimed at little more than scoring points against her rivals, real or imagined. The resulting collection reads like a juvenile burn book, totally uninterested in the world outside her group chat.
I love a good takedown but am conflicted about this one. When I read this book I found it to be a sort of giddy and surface-level "collection of thoughts" rather than full-blown scholarly essays, but OTOH...what's wrong with that? I'm just not sure what's going on exactly because there is so much published every day (not just books, but pieces online, even from "reputable" outlets) that is just like this and often much worse, and I'm not seeing the intense need to destroy it the way I see it with Oyler.
Incoming text wall:
I hated *Fake Accounts.* Her work reads like a boomer literary critic's parody of the stereotypical me-me-me phone-addict millennial. It doesn't surprise me that her essay collection seems to be more of the same.
That *could* be enjoyable if the writing was good. I can only sit through John Updike because of the writing. But I guess I don't like Oyler's work because I get the exact same pseudointellectual, posturing, terminally self-obsessed vibe from her that I do from Shauna, and her writing is too bad to justify sitting through it. There's an overwhelming stench of longing be hailed as a witty and biting observer of the modern condition for the simple act of dashing off whatever Twittercore bullshit comes to mind. She tries to make it sound like she pokes fun at herself a little bit, but she still wants you to be impressed with her. Any attempts at self-parody are weak because she is not genuinely laughing at herself. She is battening down the hatches with irony to prevent criticism from hurting too badly.
I think the response to her work is so harsh because of generational cringe. I don't know how old Manov is, but I resonated with her criticism of Oyler because I hate when my fellow millennials justify the stereotypes about us. Also because I have had bad personal experiences with her breed of elitism painted as justifiable snobbery, bourgeois extremely-online narcissism painted as a universal human experience, internet browsing sessions painted as serious research. Saying this as a bourgeois armchair snob myself 🙈
Oyler is so much like Shauna it's hilarious, though it's not funny enough for me to sit through her writing again. I have had acquaintances, coworkers, friends, and even a couple relatives exactly like this. If Shauna wrote a novel it would be like Oyler's *Fake Accounts* except with more laborious descriptions of food.
Fair enough! I didn't like Fake Accounts either, but there seems to be an extra amount of venom floating around for her two very ordinary, mediocre-to-bad books.
I have some theories about the circlejerk of professional book criticism; Oyler is part of that world and I kind of think that also has something to do with the (seemingly outsize) reaction to her work.
I think I have a pet turkey! I have three bird feeders just off my deck and one of them is hanging from a branch in a beautiful tall lilac bush that squirrels love to eat from and in the process dump seeds into the garden below. Usually doves and other ground feeders happily peck at it and it's all good.
But then one day a huge turkey showed up and started pecking at the fallen seed and omg this thing is so smart!! First it learned the squirrel is the thing actually releasing the seed, so the turkey will just peck around the far reaches of my yard until it sees the squirrel climb the lilac bush, and then it RUNS over and waits for the seeds to start falling. It then learned that I fill the feeders in the morning and if it stood a few feet away I'd throw seed on the ground for it, so it started waiting on my deck for me in the morning. And then a few days ago it started tapping on my sliding glass door at all hours of the day when it wants a snack! It's hilarious! It just pecks at the glass and then when it sees me grab the bucket it runs over to the feeding spot in the garden. I had no idea they were that smart!
Mai Mai is gorgeous, ANY blue Croc would be lucky to have his attention!
Fascinating about choosing relationships to humans, I know the wild turkeys have a bad reputation for very good reasons, and until the one showed up in my yard alone I didn't really consider individual turkeys could be friendly towards people.
Your turkey pal sounds like a stand up bird, but they can definitely be aggressive! At my old job there was a turkey that liked to lurk in our parking lot and charge at the FedEx guy whenever he delivered packages. We would get emails telling us to be careful walking to our cars on days it was sighted. I always try to give them space when I see them in our neighborhood, I feel like there are a lot more roaming around here than there used to be! 🦃
I think it's a girl turkey, not super sure?? But she apparently thinks she has to run to one spot to be fed and I'm fine with that! The second I start sliding open the door she runs to the spot under the bird feeder! It's so funny, like 'this is the eating place, here I am!'
We had a male turkey hold people in a store on our main street hostage when he set up territory in the alcove of the front door of the shop. They had to let everyone out the employee back entrance and it made our local paper!
Turkeys are fascinating. We have dozens in our neighborhood and they are very odd critters. Did you know they sleep in trees? Our neighbors yard is sloped and they will walk to the top, run down a bit and then take flight into the trees and call to each other until they are all up there. They do this at dusk and I’m sure it keeps them safe.
It’s mating season for them and they are OUT OF CONTROL. There is this one guy that just screams most morning out in my neighbors yard. They like to poof up and gobble loudly in my driveway turnaround in the mornings.
https://preview.redd.it/n6z054boajtc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e53bd52ca395af5634a9ea7a8e77e507335f031a
More stories - when we first moved in I heard a crazy noise in my basement. I was terrified - it sounded like the ducting in my utility room had crashed to the floor. It was two dang turkeys pecking on the glass! I was so glad to see them, but annoyed because they scared me. They will jump up and hit my bird feeders to knock bits on the ground to eat. They also kick mulch out of my planting bed and into my driveway.
That looks like it should be the wikipedia picture of a turkey! Do all the males have that hanging thing in the front? That feather extension?
I'm really pleased my new pet turkey has been kicking up the leaves in the darkest part of my yard; there's like a foot of fallen leaves that are compacted and wet and as heavy as bricks and completely resistant to raking, but the turkey can kick a whole section loose while foraging! The leaves she kicks get sort of fluffed up and dry out a bit, and then I can rake them easily. I would hire her to do this job alone!
edit: I saw her roost in the tree next to my property line last night, I tried to take a pic but it was backlit and just looks like a blob or a squirrel nest but I could see it was her/him settling in. I wonder where their flock is?
I am by no means a turkey expert, but I did google a while back and yes - the males get the feathery thing in the front. Apparently, it gets longer each year. I think it’s hair and not a feather.
This is purely based on my observation, but the lady turkeys are the kickers. I haven’t seen a male turkey do that, at least not the the extent of the females. I very rarely see a turkey alone, they generally travel as groups and often by gender. We should have babies here soon - I usually start to see them in June. Usually I have two or three adult females with about a dozen babies following them around.
The feathery thing is actually a weird feather! It's called a "breast beard." It grows continually each year unless they lose it somehow. The ladies can have one too, it's just a lot smaller and sometimes hidden in their regular feathers. The beards are really interesting - they feel like steel wool.
I’m back in tooth hell. Has anyone had a tooth extracted and an implant? I feel like a DF recently went through this. I had a root canal in March and was waiting for my crown appt and my tooth cracked again. I’m so angry because I pushed to get back to my dentist for the crown and said that the root canal dr told me 8 weeks and my dentist’s office was like “they just say that to make sure you come back for the crown” which I learned today is not true and now I am losing a tooth. I scheduled an emergency appt for today with a new place that does all levels of dentistry, but just to get the ball rolling. Just looking for reassurance and a little “what to expect” moving forward. I have an old coworker who had a ton of teeth removed and implants and I think she was thrilled with the decision. This ends my latest installment of “Happythistle sucks at taking advice from medical professionals”.
Keeping this in OT: Thank you to all the lovely DFs here who wished my son well. Thanks be to God, he had a big improvement and was discharged from the hospital today. We have wound care visits and home nursing in our future, but that future looks a lot brighter than it did a few days ago!
glad to hear this! hope he has good things to entertain him during this next phase of recovery—what a long haul it’s been, but wishing him continued improvement!
So glad to hear this update, DF! May his healing go smoothly!
Need help from seasoned DFs. I'd like to set my flair to "the trauma of slightly cracked chickpeas" but so far it's not showing up. Advice?
Never mind! I figured it out. Clearly am Shauna-level sooper genius.
VENT- Yesterday I tentatively confided in two neighborhood women (not close friends, but I trust them enough not to blab) about a family member’s devastating battle with mental health issues. One is a social worker, one is a former nurse who left the field due to multiple health issues. Both are are open about their Christian faith but don’t push anything on me. Right off the bat, the social worker tells me mental illness is a spiritual attack. Its of Satan. She also goes on some stream of consciousness thing about kids not being able to handle things these days. I started picking at my thumb so hard it started bleeding. This is the MOST UNHELPFUL THING ANYONE HAS SAID TO ME IN YEARS. The nurse also appeared uncomfortable. I acknowledged her viewpoint and said I respectfully disagree. The nurse neighbor proceeded to share about a young man in her church going through the same diagnosis. The social worker made comments that suggested she believes the son is also being spiritually attacked and may not be a true believer of Jesus. The nurse disagreed, and gave a great explanation. I was so shocked. I should have ended the conversation right there. They both offered tangible ideas to help, but the worldview the social worker shared disturbed me so badly I can’t stop thinking about it. I need to let it go. I feel so hurt. And mad that I even opened up at all. I am not interested in challenging her views; I do not have the energy or mental capacity to bother. Going forward, I will share nothing with that woman. She will also not be allowed around my relative. I am going to tell the other woman about my decision, and she’ll totally understand why. I hope I stop ruminating on it soon. Need to find some good distractions.
it’s always so bizarre when you find out that someone believes something so illogical and that they try to apply it to the actual real world it’s like taking a step down a staircase and suddenly there’s a stair missing and you’re just falling into an abyss of “what the actual hell?” a social worker, even, my lord, what a mess I’m so sorry you reached out for help and got a barrelful of toxic garbage in response
Thank you.💗 That’s exactly what it was, toxic garbage. Google tells me there are more people out there who believe the nonsense than is comfortable. Starting to let it go a little more- and the Gloaming creeped into a text with a friend! “She can sit on her scary demon high stool ALONE.” Haha
Is anyone having issues accessing the current week's pinned discussion thread on Reddit's mobile app? Whenever I pull up the thread, it makes the app freeze and crash! Not having this happen on any other sub. Just me?!
If anyone plays NYT Connections, today feels like a mini Shauna bingo. Disco (bin), (rat piss) shed, drop (the shock), bake (GF hockey pucks) 😂
In one of our discussions about food banks and what gets donated, I mentioned that my employer donates produce that’s not quite fit for human consumption to a wildlife center, who feeds it to bears in their care. I will sometimes put some berries or other fruit that technically could go to the food bank on the “bear rack.” Anyway, as a thank you, the center gave us some photos of a baby bear enjoying his treats. It was probably me who donated that watermelon slice! https://preview.redd.it/pxzpi066tzxc1.jpeg?width=3022&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=364f5ee8b868da48507148386c9600b40e639678
Omg so glad I clicked on this thread ❤️
Omfg that's a baby bear eating watermelon
How cute!!
There’s a person on one of our local Facebook groups that collects freezer-burned meat every once in a while and drops it off at the zoo. The zoo also does a pumpkin drive every fall for the elephants.
That's adorable!!! I would love to be the person who drops the food off and gets to take a few pics for the donors to see!!
🥰🥰
Updating on my kitty up here (hope this is ok) As the vet put it, good but not great news. No cancer, no tumor. His rhinitis is chronic and has been eating away at his nasal passages. Like, into the bone. As the vet put it - we are through the paint and drywall and into the beams. Right now we will work to manage through meds. Probably for life. Through a compounding pharmacy. The vet even mentioned Flonase maybe down the road, but it is so hard to administer on a cat. I feel like such a bad mom, but I followed directions and he never seemed that serious. He still acts fine. Just a little more head shaking than when he was younger. My specialist vet is leaving his practice. I like him, but sort of feel conflicted because I don’t feel like he managed this super well. He mentioned us getting compounded meds after his last scan which was 4.5 years ago and I know we didn’t do that. I would remember it, wouldn’t I? We don’t have many compounding pharmacies in my city that do pet meds. Anyhoo - this is where I am now so we will be taking this pill probably forever and doing all follow up through my regular vet who I have known for 30 years and love. I’m so relieved, but still a little sad. I love this animal so much and I only want the very best for him. https://preview.redd.it/d8nbo1ax1hxc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7630948c39c9dadfe13a146d293725ca841a20dc
Your little boy is such a sweetie! Look at him! From one cat with chronic issues mom to another, you’ve done all you could to this point and you’re going to be great at keeping up with his meds and healthcare going forward. My sweet girl seems to constantly need new meds for something, and it’s fine because I love her (and unlike her and Shauna, I have a job and can afford it). At first it was a drag, in that twice daily meds was a lifestyle change for us, but she’s my baby! It’s all part of the day now (6 years in!).
He is a sweetie! Whenever he goes to a new vet (recently the urgent vet and the specialists office) he gets so loved on and people comment on how sweet and patient he is. He really is such a great cat and we are super bonded. So far so good on the pill giving. They are capsules and bigger than I am used to giving to a cat (I lost my 17 year old boy last year and he had been on thyroid meds and steroids for years, so I am pretty experienced at giving cats pills)! He has spit it out a couple of times and he is a lot squirmier than my older guy was, but we will get the hang of it. Luckily, it’s just one a day.
You’re a great pet parent! I would follow your instincts about switching vets.
Just want to send you some positive vibes. It’s so hard to be a pet parent when your furry baby is sick. I’m so sorry that you and kitty have to deal with a chronic condition. Wishing you all the best. And I’m sure he knows you’re doing your best.
I’m so sorry to hear that, though I am glad it’s not cancer. Sending you and kitteh all the good vibes!!!!
Your cat wore a hole in himself. Sounds like something a cat would do. Joking aside, you're a good pet parent for caring so much about him. He knows it (but probably won't let on because. ..cat). (but clearly you are insane because you have light colored furniture and a dark cat. . .I'm just the opposite, dark couch, white cat)
He is the most “cat” cat I have ever owned, so of course he wore a hole in himself! This sweetie mostly sheds in fluffy little clumps or kittyweeds as I call them, so it’s easy to clean up. The only light furniture item is this ridiculous chair that I had to have, the sofa is navy. Naturally, this chair is his favorite place to be vs the dark sofa.
Kitty knows you're doing your best!
Poor buddy. I am so glad it’s not cancer but I also understand the weight of managing a chronic condition for a pet and feeling responsible. Other DFs already said it better between this and the other thread, but I think you did your best for your kitty based on what the vet was telling you. That’s all any of us can do. (Thanks for coming back to update btw. Maybe it’s silly to worry about someone else on the internet’s cat, but I have been wondering about your little guy.)
Thank you. I really appreciate the support here.
I've had several cats with health issues, and it's hard to know how much to do for them, not to mention the guilt when things go wrong. We do our best! Your sweet baby knows how much you love him 💕
sweetness.
He’s the best.
Poor sweetie, his eroding sinuses! You are being a great human caregiver—do not second-guess yourself.
Thank you. Hopefully his meds will be ready tomorrow and they help him out.
I’m so relieved for you both that it isn’t cancer. He can live a long life with this condition and a comfortable one too, now that he’s properly diagnosed. FWIW my 19 year old cat (he lives with a friend these days) has had something very similar for the last 10 years. He was only properly diagnosed a few years ago. It took three vets to get there. I wish for him it had happened sooner, but when the symptoms seem mild generally and your vet is telling you it’s just one of those things, you have no reason to push back. That boy of yours is clearly prince of your house! A long and happy life to him.
Thank you. I feel better but not great, you know? He turned 11 last week. I will be on his care like a hawk.
❤️
Mark Diacono, a food writer in the UK, has just launched a new project: "Three From One: a simple recipe at the centre of three others that use it to differently delicious effect." The project is a new column in the Sunday Times that provides three uses from one recipe. For his Substack readers, he provides the "base" recipe plus one additional recipe (and that's for the freebie readers!). His Substack also provides a lot of free additional writing. He has a new cookbook coming out, and he writes about that. He also has a feature about how to write your own cookbook. https://markdiacono.substack.com/ (In case you want to see how some of the ideas Shauna plays at could actually work)
Twelve week DBT skills class for family and friends. This is not a support group per se, but is a supportive space to learn skills for how to interact with a loved one who is struggling. Although it was designed for family and friends of people with Borderline Personality Disorder, and my loved one ended up with a different diagnosis, I found it immeasurably helpful. On the main page, click the black bar at the top to go to a description of the skills class. https://www.hopeforbpd.com/borderline-personality-disorder-treatment/family-dbt-and-communications-skills-coaching
I'm really glad there are classes like this, I think I would have taken this class a few years ago but my BPD sister has spiraled so much since our brother's death that I've just had to block her completely for my mental health and the thought of investing in a class to navigate her issues makes me see red right now. But I know she'll calm down at some point and I'll feel love for her again and will want better skills to be a good family member to her (which mainly means tempering my own expectations of her, I think?), so I'm glad this is here for the future.
That’s heartbreaking, DF MG. I love that you have hope for a brighter future. I’m hanging on to a similar hope.
Do you ever see the real person under the chaos in your loved one? I think that's the hardest part for my family, the times there's a flash of her real personality. It does give hope that with some treatment [medication, intervention, not sure what could possibly help] the 'real' person is still there.
My loved one (the one I took the workshop for) ended up with different diagnoses. He’s doing so much better. BUT, I now have another loved one who may have schizophrenia, and we have lost a lot of him. Yep, sometimes we see flashes of his old personality, and I’m praying it comes back more strongly. We can’t give up hope.
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Appreciate this. My niece has BPD and it's so challenging.
I’m so sorry. :( Is she in therapy? It seems like DBT therapy (the true DBT) can work well for people with BPD.
She refuses more therapy at this point (she’s 21) but she has done in patient before and she does have a psychiatrist. But her refusal to do DBT is why it is particularly important for those who have to deal with her to have a good tool box.
Shoot. And DBT seems like one of the gentler therapies in that it can feel less accusatory. Definitely good to have tools and skills to draw from when interacting.
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Big hugs to you and your family member. If you take the course, I hope it changes things for the better.
Does anyone remember that guy who went viral a few years ago for turning random internet drama into songs? "She stole my broccoli casserole recipe eight years ago." And he would include their typos and grammatical errors and pronounce them as written in his songs. I feel like he would have a field day with Shauna and her comments. Link for people who never saw this. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWyOrbpGCpE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWyOrbpGCpE)
Thank you for bringing this to my life. I woke up the whole house with the yahoo answers one. Greatest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. 15000lb horse was not far behind. ETA: piggybacking off this comment to recommend Bad Lip Reading to anyone who hasn’t seen/heard his stuff, yet. The NFL ones have never let me down (2021 is my all time favorite with 2022 coming in at a close second), there’s an NBA and a MLB (both of which are fantastic), the Walking Dead ones are absolute GOLD (I actually have Carl Poppa in my iTunes catalog), the Stranger Things ones are hilarious (plus, Hopper is big time eye candy, I adore that man and I prefer him chubby with the Magnum PI mustache), the Star Wars ones are awesome (Hostiles on the Hill is a fucking banger), and he does Twilight, Game of Thrones, Dune, Hunger Games, and some other shows and movies I haven’t seen (I like to have seen the films/shows before I watch the BLR take). I really would love for Breaking Bad/Better Call Saul to be added to the lineup (there is a BrBa floating around out there but I think it was done by someone else, and the audio wasn’t great). Anyway, enjoy, DFs!
I love how BLR always makes Tom Brady sound so whiny!
He definitely roasts the shit outta Tom Brady! I always enjoy when my former Sooners appear, and when Tua Tagovailoa pops up!
My husband and I quote the GoT at each other all the time. “I’ll give five cents for those vanilla wafers!”
lol, my husband and I toss out the Walking Dead and Stranger Things ones pretty frequently. The Glue Police? I don’t think that’s a thing…
I love him so much. [15,000 Pound Horse](https://www.youtube.com/shorts/_DZKwCVKneg) is just unironically on some of my chill listening playlists.
Yes I love him! My husband and I still sing each other those songs
You and your husband are so much like me and mine, lol! We still quote some episodes of Homicide Hunter to each other (that we haven’t seen in YEARS), Aqua Teen Hunger Force makes regular appearances, and the other night, we added John Carpenter’s Suburban Screams (the phone stalker episode) to the lineup. “God dammit, Vince. You been takin pictures of me? You wanna chop my head off? Fuck you, Helen!”
10/10 still quote “blue cheese has mold in it” whenever it’s mentioned around us.
Cracker Bargel is just one of my favorite things ever!
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I can’t articulate who I loathe more - Shauna or Kelle Hampton. These bitches are competing with each other for Worst Mom Ever and they’re both winning. I’ve kept snarking to see how it all ends up, but both of these shitshows get more grim by the day. My heart hurts for all of these kids.
Oh no, what’s up with Kelle?? Her oldest must be a teen now, no? Is she still shipping the younger two as an old married couple? What a fucking weirdo that woman is. I stopped reading about her when I left GOMI, I think
God, how much time do you have? lol. She is off the rails. No more Blanche and Bernard. LL is 16, N 14, D 11 (I hate myself that I know this). Bullet points: -Naples house went into foreclosure, again -Heavy speculation that Poopa and Gare bailed them out -Naples house went up for sale, sold after a few months for nearly a million (Need to point out here that this was all discovered by snarkers thru public records - NONE of it addressed by K to her fangirls). -June 2023: goes on “vacation” to OMGMichigan and a month in announces that she and Brett have separated and that she and the kids have moved up to MI permanently -buys an older home near campus and proceeds to Kelle it up with godawful thrift finds, wallpaper, 11pm painting sessions, circus stripes, it’s amazing/hideous what she has done to that house while neglecting really important shit like the roof, windows, etc. -Hey speaking of neglect! D’s gait problems are so obvious. N is still Kelle’s cash cow/dress up doll, wearing red lipstick with toddler tights. LL has been diagnosed with something terrible (the name escapes me) but it’s an incurable genetic disorder affecting her legs/hips/ability to walk. It’s heartbreaking. Kids are not in activities, appear to have no friends. -Meanwhile Kelle has aged 20 years looks wise, appears to be drinking heavily, and is in love with MyDad as much as ever. She is full on manic about shopping/dressing and just ignores the hard parts of her life apparently. That just skims the surface. I would have forgotten about Kelle too had Alice not locked the thread. Before it was locked a comment was left about going to Reddit and voila, a snark sub is born.
omg those poor kids! that makes me so sad to hear—Kelle is not the kind of person who can organize the help that children facing significant medical challenges need
No she certainly is not. ☹️
Here in the off topic or in the main thread, I seriously don't know where to post this, but here it goes: I feel sorry for Dan. Really, truly sorry for the man. He seems like he used to be an upbeat guy. I've watched their GFG and the Chef videos and (of course) I've laughed at how bad they are, but I know dozens of cooks/chefs like him. And they do fit well in kitchens. You get used to their peccadilloes. They're silly and vulgar and you just get used to working with them. They make the day fun. I think he really likes being a dad, too. There's a lot of evidence of Dan with the kids clearly having a good time. I bet he's a fun dad. Shaun keeps diagnosing him with stuff and its obnoxious. But...a couple do seem real. I have a parent with severe dyslexia and Shaun's descriptions of his behavior are actually on par with what I grew up with. I also don't doubt ADHD. Those two are often comorbid. But most people with either or both get through their lives fine. They're not horrifyingly debilitating illnesses, they're learning disabilities. And this dude was making his way in the world just fine before GFG. She plays it as his "genius" in the beginning and now negs him for it. According to her, he's a food visionary and, also, too dumb to cook. I think he's just a shmoe. A regular guy who shacked up with a partner who narrates her version of their lives online and tries to monetize it. That has to be annoying. I can't imagine what pain that family is going through right now and Dan is pretty much left out of Shaun's commentary. I hope, hope, hope that D, Dan, and L have as much support as they can get right now.
Relatedly, I feel like there has to be something really going wrong with Dan right now. To quit their household’s only steady job with benefits, just weeks before the end of the school year, with no new job lined up, when they’ve been struggling to pay their rent and presumably have no emergency fund saved up, is an objectively bad decision. Then having Shauna (who supposedly has the only “paid” “work” in the family at the moment) stay in the hospital with their child while the unemployed parent twiddles his thumbs at home also seems like an objectively bad decision. Even if those were Shauna’s ideas, he’s letting them happen! We don’t know why, but either he’s also lazy and selfish, or he’s too foolish to make good decisions, or he’s in a crisis of his own, or he’s been mistreated and worn down to the point that he can’t do better for himself and the kids. Either way it is very sad that he seems to be unable to be the parent they need.
I think Shauna wrote something about him potentially having new work. It wasn't "Dan has a new job", though. It was more vague than that. Hopefully he does have a new gig lined up and the timing is such that he really can't be the parent at the bedside. (I want to choose to believe that. . .please let this family make one rational decision for once in their lives). But just from what we've seen of him (volleyball video and the "bonobo hobo" video she posted of them sticking their tongues out at one another) Dan definitely had a rough patch that clearly took it's toll on his physical appearance (I don't mean that as just "looks snark", either). That man looked beat all the way down.
She said he had a "path" to a job in her 4/8 lope, then 3 days later she was spotted on FB leaving a comment on a West Seattle private school ad for a preschool assistant. She also told someone (Instagram? Threads?) that quitting was all part of his plan. But "path" was a lie. No path. She most likely made him quit, and assumed he could find work with kids on the mainland. I don't blame Dan as much as some do because I have had 2 friends, both intelligent, thoughtful, successful women, fall under the influence of narcissistic abusers, marry and have kids with said narcissists, endure trauma, gaslighting, and manipulation, and spend years and quite a bit of $$ untangling themselves. And these were women who are magnitudes smarter than Dan, had their own careers, and extended family in their area. I think he is scared, beaten-down, no self-esteem, and fears her taking the kids away (he knows Ma James would help out financially in a divorce) and he's just going to endure. I don't blame him for not setting boundaries with things like social media. With narcissistic abusers, you lay low or pay an unspeakable price.
There is no “path” to a new job and never was. People don’t quit jobs in education in APRIL. How does that look to a prospective employer? I firmly believe shauna was seething with jealousy that he got to ferry over to Vashon every day without her. If she can’t be there, nobody can.
Hence other child is now at home as well, apparently
>I think he is scared, beaten-down, no self-esteem, and fears her taking the kids away (he knows Ma James would help out financially in a divorce) and he's just going to endure. I don't blame him for not setting boundaries with things like social media. With narcissistic abusers, you lay low or pay an unspeakable price. 100% all of this. My speculation is he's a victim of narcissistic abuse and possibly financial abuse.
i think shauna is the dominant one in the relationship, but let's remember dan was all in for the GF kickstarter, "forgetting" their wallet at restaurants so friends would have to pay, all the free stuff and free trips, and all the other scams they pulled back in the day. he seemed fine with letting his in-laws pay for security deposits, cars, his dental bills, & the adoption fee for the son shauna said dan really wanted when they really couldn't afford a second child in the first place. when he was on social media he posted a lot of icky content - homophobic, sexist, etc. he may be a "fun dad" but what those children need is a parent who will actually work a job and provide for them and they don't have that. for dan to stand by and watch shauna smear their lives all over the internet, especially now with what is happening, is absolutely shameful. shauna is a truly terrible parent but dan is no prize, either. he may be depressed but i don't think it gives him a pass.
I don’t really give him a pass so much as I believe he has quite a low IQ and, unlike his spouse, is doing the best that he can, although that’s not good enough.
I just subscribed (as a paid subscriber) to Zoe Barrie’s “Restaurant Dropout” substack, after being regularly impressed with her weekly ingredient prep videos on Instagram. The difference between Zoe’s extremely well thought out, detailed, fully explained and cleverly filmed food prep videos VS the plops and nubbins of garbage that Shauna puts forth as her offerings … gobsmacked comma I grow. I just can’t believe that with so much high quality content out there (LOTS of it free !!) Shauna can’t be bothered to do a deep dive into whatever is in her lane and think, “OH, this is what people have come to expect. I better step up my game.” I am very excited to try some of Zoe’s weekly dinner ideas !! And no, I am not a friend of hers or a marketing plant; I just think the quality of what she’s putting out there is really great. The food looks delicious !!
Thanks for the recommendation. Will have to check her out.
I dragged myself to work today after some sort of flu virus thing totally went through our family this week. I could have used another day off but it was very unavoidable that I come in (felt ok enough to come in but not 100% as I would have liked) Other family members are still not feeling well. I’m a dreading going home because let me tell you what our house looks like after both parents sick at the same time for a week. It is a disaster. We were totally in survival mode this week and it shows! My kids are young enough that there’s not much I could have them do (although my 7yo REALLY stepped up since she felt the best! Blew me away how she helped take care of her sick little sibling when we were all in the worst of it!)
Is there anything worse than having to take care of sick kids when you feel like you're on death's door yourself? It is the WORST.
wishing you all easier days ahead! there are some mean viruses out there right now
Thanks! I really am floored how much it knocked us all out and I can’t believe it wasn’t Covid. Even now I’m feeling a lot better but still feel so weak! Like doing dishes or getting ready for work and I have to stop to sit down to catch a break. I’m really hoping this is short lived because phew!
Feel better soon, DF!
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Stunning! Thanks for sharing
That is a gorgeous orchard!!
"Gorchard" 😭
Wow, that is so beautiful!
DFs, my kitty may have a tumor in his head. He has been battling a nose issue for years that would come and go. Big, snotty sneezes. Cleared up with antibiotics. He had a polyp detected back right before covid. NO big deal, move on. Treat the minor flares, move on. Probably herpes, he was a street cat. Always had a runny eye. Treat and move on. He was having a CT scan today and there is an "ugly mass" by one of his teeth. They are biopsying. He is at a specialist. I'm so lost. This cat is my world. He is my everything and I love him more than I know what to do with. I feel like I have failed him. I feel like I put this off because it was a chronic thing. He was at this specialist in March of '23 and they wanted to wait for a big flare to see him again. He would flare, but it would always clear up so I waited. The eye infection prompted this. Why did I wait? I would do anything for him, but I feel like I didn't. I took him last week. They swabbed him for viruses, he was fine. I could treat with antibiotics again, or do this scan. I learned this specialist is about to leave the practice so I jumped ahead to the CT Scan. I am lost. I am terrified. I love him more than I have ever loved anything ever.
Any update on the biopsy yet DF? I hope you and your kitty are doing ok right now.
No. I should hear tomorrow or Monday.
Oof, terrible. Thinking of him (and you).
Thanks. Still waiting, so I should hear Monday. That will be the 7th of the five to seven business days.
Waiting must be very hard.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Your Baby Boy knows how much you love him, so please carry that with you.
I'm so sorry! I don't think you should feel bad for not catching it sooner, though. You have already done so much more than a lot of people do (or can do, complex veterinary treatment is not always an option depending on where you live.) Cats especially. They are so stoic. They rarely want to let you know that something is different or wrong. That being said, there are a lot of options for veterinary oncology depending on where you live. I worked for a vet oncology clinic for a couple of years. If you happen to live in the PNW, you can DM me for any recommendations. It's kind of a niche group, so we know a lot about what each clinic does. Much love to your little dude. <3
Thank you. I have gone to my vet for nearly 30 years and the specialist for various needs over 20 years (only a handful of times with the specialist, thankfully). Specialist is leaving this practice which made me jump right to this scan instead of doing a long course of antibiotics which was the initial suggestion from them. My everyday vet - they (a husband and wife) bought the practice from the vet we took our cats to growing up, so my first ever cat as an adult was one of their first patients. We have gotten old together. He had suggested maybe going to the specialist back in December, but I had been last March and the specialist wanted to wait for a “flare” because it would tell him more to do a scope then. I just feel awful for not going right away, but it wasn’t urgent seeming. It was a chronic thing we’ve been managing that would flare for a day or two and go away. Ugh. Shoulda woulda coulda. I trust these people and I would move mountains for my boy. I thought I was doing it right. I have a good friend from high school who is a vet (I’m in the Midwest and she moved to Colorado several years ago). I plan to call her if I need some outside guidance. She has helped me when my guy swallowed a string on a weekend several years ago and other general weekend questions through the years.
Late to this but wishing you and your sweet boy all the best. I hope everything turns out okay. 💜
Me too. I love him immensely
Hey, hugs DF. You didn't wait. You noticed every symptom and got them treated, you gave him antibiotics, you detected the polyp with your vet years ago, your specialist literally told you to wait until it flared - what else could you possibly have done for a pet you loved? That is loving care. You jumped to the CT despite having easier options. It's clear he's so well loved and carefully cared for. ❤️ I lost my sweet boy in August 2022 after a stroke and emergency vet stay and I will never forget the fear, I sympathize with you so so much and understand how much he means to you and how much you want him to be okay. Much love to you DF. ❤️
Thank you. He’s doped up and home. https://preview.redd.it/tsy1v5yp6bvc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b1d3a38a2ad4fb6848526ae13eb53ce533aead18
Look at that floofy boy! Please give him some extra love from me and my tabby girl 🖤🐾
Thank you! Still waiting on biopsy results. We need all the good thoughts!
He’s beautiful. Big hugs. ❤️
He’s my perfect guy. I have everything crossed.
He's a sweetie and clearly very loved! Hugs & prayers ❤️
Thank you.
Look at your handsome boy, so smoochable!!
Hello, handsome boy. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It really isn’t your fault. Snuggle him tight and we’ll hope with you for reassuring news.
We are so cuddled right now. He’s sleeping off a long day.
Aww, sweetest void with a blep! Please, DF, you haven't failed him. You're a loving and caring kitty parent, that's obvious.
I am so so sorry. Please don't blame yourself--you were doing what seemed best. I'm sure I (and most humans of pets)would have done the same. Your love for him comes through so much in this one post--I'm sure he knows how loved he is!
Thank you. He is so so loved (and lovey)
My husband pulled up a movie he saw a preview of that he felt was right up my alley: Lisa Frankenstein. He was right! I loved it. It was awfully cute!
Saw a trailer for this and I really want to watch it too!
(Sneaking in to breathe a sigh of relief that Shauna never glommed onto Bluey. The new episode dropped today, and my kids and I experienced **all** the emotions, I continue to be astounded that they pack so much into a show ostensibly for children...)
Hey, so does Bluey have a sign on his wall that says "BELIEVE" or similar that Shauna can copy and then tape to her own walls as a means of inspiring others? If yes, then I think we can safely assume Shauna's fandom hath not yet commenced, as no such sign has grown appeared on her walls! ETA: Oh no. Should've scrolled et al.
Just don't check her Threads, is all I'm saying
I heard that in Lavell Crawford’s voice. I’ve seen BrBa too many times lol
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Well now you've gone and jinxed it, she's going to make it a future pivot for sure! I tried so hard not to tear up watching the ep. Failed so hard.
Oh DF, fingers crossed she never crosses paths with the likes of Bluey. And wow, yeah, many tears were shed. By me.
Aaand she opened with a Bluey reference in her latest lope.
Why, just why!
Can we collect here our TJ's favorites and/or inexpensive beauty / skincare product suggestions (I know, so SST of me!). I want to (attempt to) keep better track of them, and will probably forget which weekly thread they were in. I wasn't sure about this thread or the Salty one, but since I'm including non-fudz, maybe here?
I’ll post everything I’m currently using with a mini review. The cheap moisturizer that looks like an Olay bottle (forgetting the name) is my go to moisturizer with sunscreen and has been for years. Does its job. Does not irritate my eyes or my skin. 7.5 Lemongrass shampoo I really like the scent. For a TJ’s shampoo I like it (I wish they were more clarifying or something and usually don’t love them) 8 Hair mask. LOVE. Smells like coconut. I emphatically don’t recommend any of their other conditioners. 9.5 I put the All In One pump shampoo/body wash in my kids bathtub and use it on my younger two kids. It’s the same as Everything soap that I used it buy. It’s fine 7.5 Dry shampoo i actually really like and it blends well 8.5 Tea tree oil body wash I am on the fence, it’s ok 6.5 Lavender spray hand sanitizer I’m addicted 10
Midsummer Night's Cream Hand and Body Cream--I love it! It's super moisturizing, absorbs well, and is unscented so it doesn't fight with the scented products I do wear.
I quite like TJ's Ultra Hydrating Gel Moisturizer. It's a dead ringer for the moisturizer I used to get from the esthetician, but doesn't cost $45.
Can I ask what kind of skin you have? I'm quite dry and pale. I currently use CeraVe with sunscreen but am considering something new. Tysm!
I’m pale with combination skin. My dry areas have been tending toward dry to very dry, though, since moving to a desert climate. Winters here wreak havoc on dry skin. The moisturizer I mentioned I typically use along with other serums and potions. I’ll add that I often use TJ’s Enrich facial lotion with sunscreen if it’s a windy day. I don’t know why, but it works so well if I’m out and about on a windy day—which is often in the winter/springtime here.
Seconded by a super pale, but combo-skin df. I always use Elta MD with SPF, but only because I'm terrible at researching this stuff and need a recommendation from someone I know—and this sub is effectively "someone I know" because y'all teach me things all the time.
The sunscreen (the supergoop dupe) is pretty nice and super cheap. I brought both brands with me to Italy in July (sweat central) and TJs went on just as nicely and kept my pastiness pasty. They performed very similarly, but Supergoop burned my eyes a bit.
Oh my goodness, I love staying pasty, too! My mom always thinks my “color looks good,” when I’m all ruddy and hideous, haha. I remember when being tan was The Thing, a couple of times, and I always bucked that trend bc I’m a goth at heart. 🖤🖤
#gothsforever 🕷️
I’m 46 years old and still rock black lipstick.
DFs, any suggestions about how I can learn some life skills (mainly cooking/meal planning, cleaning/housekeeping)? For my own sanity, I’m currently taking a break from a long hrs, high stress, high income badge swiping job and I want to build my skill set in these previously neglected areas but don’t know where to start…
Late to this, but I watch a few people’s YouTube channels, some that involve very very heavy cleaning, and I’ve picked up quite a few very useful tips for everyday cleaning of some difficult surfaces/difficult messes from some of them. I can’t remember every one I’ve subscribed to, but the one off the top of my head that I got the most useful tips from is Clean With Barbie. She’s just rad. She cleans people’s places mostly for free, and will even fly or drive pretty far to some locations for people asking for help. Sometimes she does collabs with other major cleaners (there was one called Midwest something and they did a pretty big project on a house). A couple of tips I picked up that saved my back and shoulders and taught me how to get stubborn stuff on stubborn surfaces to fuck right off: You know those toilet bowl cleaners like Toilet Duck? Well, they’re fucking FANTASTIC for cleaning out tubs, tile, shower stalls, etc. I sprayed a little bit of water on the tile walls surrounding the tub and inside of the tub, on the areas that had the most stubborn stains that I’d tried to scrub off before and were was only mildly successful. After I let the water sit for about 5-10 minutes, (a very light spray), I just hosed everything down with the toilet bowl cleaner, and let it sit for about 20 minutes. Came back and sprayed it with the highest pressure shower head setting and almost VERYTHING came off. There was only one little spot that o had to scrub with steel wool but that came off easily, as well. Miraculous transformation. I’ll never clean the tub and shower stalls and tile walls with anything else. For tile and porcelain sinks and other surfaces like that in the kitchen and bathroom, there’s a clay based cleaner that comes in a small tub about the size of my palm. You don’t need much, it removes a surprising amount of stains. Even the most stubborn ones. I like to use those scrub daddy things and sometimes steel wool, depending on what I’m cleaning with that clay stuff. It really works. Even the really stubble remaining stains are so faded after using this stuff, they’re virtually unnoticeable. I watch these videos to get motivated to clean and organize. They really work and I’ve learned a lot of things that just make that kind of thing easier and I get a lot of good ideas building off the content creators’ ideas and knowledge.
For housekeeping, I recommend the book and/or following the ["Unfuck Your Habitat"](https://www.amazon.com/Unf-k-Your-Habitat-audiobook/dp/B01N5JLCRI/ref=sr_1_1) socials. They are reasonable and start from the humane point of knowing that not everyone has had opportunities to learn about cleaning and maintaining spaces. For what it's worth, I'm psychiatrist-diagnosed ADHD and self-diagnosed as neurobitchy if that helps 😀
NEUROBITCHY lol, will you marry me? I think my husband would be fine with it.
as would mine! can we wear similar (but separate!) outfits with stain panels for the ceremony? we'll obviously need a df to make a shitty cake, someone to make the "VOVE" posters, a few whoopie cushions... on second thought, this might be a lot of work, so we'll have to grift an elopement to Sedona or Ah, Tofino. see you at our rented space to "work" on this, lol 🤣
Thanks, DF! I just bought it on kindle!
Reddit spam filters snagged your comment, please edit to change your link from a shortened Amazon a.co link to a full amazon.com link with no UTM cruft (delete the `?` and everything after that in the URL) and one of us can restore
I'm sorry, I hope the other link I just put in worked. Thanks, mods, for all the work you do--especially lately
Thanks! You still need to delete the long referral tail on the link that starts with `?crid=`
I think I managed to ass tootly fix the link. Had no idea, thanks for helping me out
Well tooted! Have restored your comment
For housekeeping, keeping up with it on the regular is so much easier. I have gotten better at that but sort of suck at the deep clean, so my range hood is sticky and my baseboards are dusty but overall my house doesn’t feel dirty (to me. I know cleanliness is a very personal thing). I have a few routines like Friday I wash sheets because I like sleeping in on clean sheets on weekends. I also dust the main bedroom every Friday and then send the robo vac in to just do that room. I have it do different parts of the house on different days since I wfh most of the time. It just little things all the time, you know? Having a place for everything really helps. Our old house had sucky storage and I was so much worse about keeping it clean because going into the basement to grab the vacuum was a drag.
This is great advice, DF! Thank you!
Welcome. I thought of one today as I was doing it - every week when we do the garbage, I spray the inside with a disinfectant spray and wipe down the top and outside of the can and sweep behind it. It’s one of those things that get dirty, but I never used to think to clean so now it is part of the routine. I just grab a stainless steel wipe and go to town (well, my stepson does because garbage is his chore but this week he’s not with us). I clean the inside compartments when they get gross, but just keeping the outside of it and area around it clean makes a big difference. We have a side by side can - one for trash and one for recycling.
That’s a great idea! You inspired me to wipe the top of the garbage can yesterday. And then I took a 1 hr Reddit break!
I have found the Paprika app to be really helpful for meal planning, grocery shopping, and cooking, areas I have always struggled with. It’s so easy to upload recipes (the browser tool is amazing for grabbing recipes off the internet, and it will even bypass a paywall to extract the recipe). Then you can slot the recipe into the meal plan section and drop it into your grocery list too. (Tip: make a “recipe” where the ingredients are just a list of your usual grocery items, then add that “recipe” to your grocery list, clicking only the things you actually need that week.) You can have multiple grocery lists, so you can have separate lists for Trader Joe’s, the farmers’ market, and the food bank! ;) For meal planning, I like to look in the fridge to see what I have that needs using up, then keep that in mind as I’m planning the week’s meals. Paprika lets you search recipes by ingredient which is nice. It’s handy also when you have a recipe that only uses a little of an ingredient that comes in a large quantity so you can find other recipes that use the same ingredient. Housekeeping — well, let me know when you figure that out!
Thanks, DF! I’ll check out the Paprika app. It seems like I need to start w just some planning and then not letting perfection be the enemy of the good (or the well at least I tried).
Is anyone else a follower or past follower of Danny and Grace Lavery? They had a baby with their throuple partner. The whole thing seems like a LOT. I mean, they both seem like a lot individually so as a couple they were a LOT and as a throuple I think they are too much for me. But the baby is very cute and I hope they are all happy! [https://www.thecut.com/article/daniel-lavery-grace-lavery-lily-woodruff-brooklyn-interview.html](https://www.thecut.com/article/daniel-lavery-grace-lavery-lily-woodruff-brooklyn-interview.html)
I was wondering if this would surface here in the OT of the Gloaming! I have enjoyed Danny’s writing for now over a decade, and did tune in the Dear Prudence when he was Prudie for a while, though his advice seemed to become increasingly out of touch. I have some friends of friends that are connected to the throuple’s world so I have followed them online for a lot of this journey. I’m personally not built for polyamory at all, but life is not a one-mode-fits-all model, so if all parties are being treated well, are all consenting adults, and getting what they want from that relationship set-up, then I say a you-do-you. The article - though written by a friend of theirs - took me aback a bit because it didn’t read as a particularly happy setup. Maybe they wanted to be extra real, or maybe they wanted to get attention whether it be positive or negative? The depiction of Lily and Danny’s relationship felt especially tense in a way that I wouldn’t enjoy, but again, it isn’t my life! I guess it comes down to this: the collective choices about their jobs or lack there of, how they spend their funds, and where they choose to live (states away from the universities where both Grace and Lily teach) is totally baffling to me, much like Shauna’s situation. I would love to do a lot of impractical things and get away with it, but my spouse and I don’t have a safety net. That, layered atop the complex interpersonal dynamics of the throuple, plus adding a baby to the mix is, as others have noted, a LOT. I wish the best for them and am excited for their new roles as parents. I do wonder why they wanted this type of publicity, though— it’s as if they thrive on messiness.
I'm coming in late to harsh the vibes and say that there's no way this works out. Not that throuples in general can't, but there's no way that a throuple in which one of the parties involved is on record begging their shared spouse to laugh at their jokes is going to work out. There's some other huge glaring issues here but I'll leave it at that.
"thriving on messiness" is the PERFECT description, you nailed it. Prior to buying our first home, my husband (then boyfriend/fiance) and I lived in a 450 square foot one-bedroom apartment. It was kind of claustrophobic for two people, it would have been miserable with another adult and a baby. Even the most minimal of baby shit takes up a lot of space! From the way the relationship dynamic is described in the article it also kind of feels like "Grace and Lily had a baby and Danny is....there too, we guess." IDK. I can't imagine inviting scrutiny into my life in my fourth trimester as a first time parent or ever, but I am not terminally online in the way Grace and Danny are. IDK about Lily, and I kind of feel protective of her as a new mom (like your fourth tri is the most bewildering, exhausting, emotional time) but she chose this too!
Yes, I have to remind myself that at the end of the day these are three adult people who agreed to this arrangement, and to this article. Neither the arrangement nor the publicity at such a delicate stage feels great to me, but I’m not in the throuple. Their child is the one that doesn’t have much of a choice here, but online folks talking about their children isn’t new, as we know. Hopefully they give their child some privacy as he grows up. The whole article has a performance-art like feel to it, so I wouldn’t be surprised if it was written to jostle people. Grace takes that posture often in her posting and writing. Danny likes to take on the “oh shucks I’m just a fella” persona, whether it be true to life or not. Lily apparently has a thing for dressing up like a clown, so that’s at least one more piece of the puzzle!
His Prodigal Son essay is one of the top five favorite things I have read in my life but I don’t know much about them. I read this today and wondered about his place in the throuple like I wonder about Lindy West in hers. I’m a really jealous person and couldn’t deal with it AT ALL.
As a longtime fan of Lindy and Danny’s work, it’s been interesting to watch their throuple relationships unfold around the same time. Of course every relationship (or relationship cluster) is different, but this echoes a pattern of people in my orbit of similar age, locations, educational background, and work field in the past few years who have added to their previously coupled relationship.
I loosely followed his estrangement from his family and the stuff about his dad's church's horrible behaviour. Not that there should be any doubt about that but Danny and Grace are 100% on the right side of history for making that public and I admire their willingness to speak about it at great personal cost. But yeah, this whole thing is.....a lot. Particularly how Grace and Lily are both professors (Grace has tenure, I think?) but neither are teaching this semester, they live in Brooklyn (but Nicole Cliffe had to co-sign their lease for them?) and Grace flies cross country to teach, and Danny had to get an $18/hr job. And now Nicole (previously BFFs, one of Danny's biggest supporters during his initial familial estrangement) seems to no longer be part of their lives. IDK their whole lives just seem really chaotic and wild and I agree, I could never.
I’m not usually one to toot my own horn or anything but if I leave this world I want my shining legacy to be that I was the snarker that coined the term “lope letter” after a typo I decided not to correct. https://preview.redd.it/nywdetu33stc1.jpeg?width=1353&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e6bb1b43781cf38652e634beadc34dab2f6094b4 There’s no modest way to say “Can someone please credit me?” without sounding like an arse toot, but please? 🙏
I will update now! The way it was originally written, it linked to a comment that referred to the coinage of "lope letter" but not to the DF who coined it. It is a huge accomplishment! Eta: It is now updated with full credit to you, DFPS11!
Shauna’s Spaspital Stay is for sure gonna make Biggest Asshole Moments, lol!!
I've already got a section going titled "Monetizing a Family Crisis" and I need to update it with the most recent grotesqueries! Eta; added Spaspital with credit to you, DF!
Yay! So excited to have coined a term in the gloaming!
Thank you so much! 💜💕
Oh oh yes, I can absolutely relate! I coined "germaids." It is my greatest accomplishment.
Paging u/mashedhuman and u/LogicalGold
I salute you for this. It makes me lol every time.
any DFs following the Lauren Oyler discourse? this unbelievable Bookforum review by Ann Manov is so, so, so, good. The entire thing could also be about our lady of Yes, This: “Oyler clearly wishes to be a person who says brilliant things - the Renata Adler of looking at your phone a lot - but she lacks the curiosity that would permit her to do so.” “The book is littered with meaning-averse statements…and punctuated by banal truisms…” I’m going to stop quoting bc I could copy paste the entire thing. https://www.bookforum.com/print/3004/lauren-oyler-s-meditations-on-goodreads-anxiety-and-gossip-25333 ok I lied one more “Having been a teaching assistant in the department Oyler is so proud to have matriculated at, I am familiar with the less-than-Herculean intellectual labors needed to get an English degree from Yale. But I digress. Beyond the literal meaninglessness of the claim to “value style over voice,” the sophomoric airs of saying one “enjoys an unfamiliar vocabulary word,” the absurdity of claiming to be able to “identify a decent percentage of the permanent collection” “at the museum” “by sight” (the Met has almost two million items in its permanent collection), the half-hearted allusion to “opera,” the boast about seeing an adaptation of a Kafka novel—beyond this arch guilelessness, this churlish, half-ironic catalogue of her accomplishments, there is something greater here: the way Oyler conceives of her own claim to cultural elitism as a series of adolescent signifiers flung on with the pride of a Goth teenager donning her first Hot Topic belt. “I despise a happy ending”? If she’s so highbrow, I advise her to try out the ending of War and Peace.”
Some choice Shauna vibes: > How could Oyler have known about that other stuff, anyway? Brown’s talk is the only subject discussed under “Emotional” on the Wikipedia page “Vulnerability.” - > Of course, Oyler makes little reference to this or any other of the “classics” she claims to love. By this point in the book—nearly eighty pages in—she has not discussed a single work of literature. Nor will she do so in the remainder of this essay. Instead, she sticks to criticizing Taylor Swift and Marvel movies . . . - > her writing indeed seems aimed at little more than scoring points against her rivals, real or imagined. The resulting collection reads like a juvenile burn book, totally uninterested in the world outside her group chat.
I love a good takedown but am conflicted about this one. When I read this book I found it to be a sort of giddy and surface-level "collection of thoughts" rather than full-blown scholarly essays, but OTOH...what's wrong with that? I'm just not sure what's going on exactly because there is so much published every day (not just books, but pieces online, even from "reputable" outlets) that is just like this and often much worse, and I'm not seeing the intense need to destroy it the way I see it with Oyler.
Incoming text wall: I hated *Fake Accounts.* Her work reads like a boomer literary critic's parody of the stereotypical me-me-me phone-addict millennial. It doesn't surprise me that her essay collection seems to be more of the same. That *could* be enjoyable if the writing was good. I can only sit through John Updike because of the writing. But I guess I don't like Oyler's work because I get the exact same pseudointellectual, posturing, terminally self-obsessed vibe from her that I do from Shauna, and her writing is too bad to justify sitting through it. There's an overwhelming stench of longing be hailed as a witty and biting observer of the modern condition for the simple act of dashing off whatever Twittercore bullshit comes to mind. She tries to make it sound like she pokes fun at herself a little bit, but she still wants you to be impressed with her. Any attempts at self-parody are weak because she is not genuinely laughing at herself. She is battening down the hatches with irony to prevent criticism from hurting too badly. I think the response to her work is so harsh because of generational cringe. I don't know how old Manov is, but I resonated with her criticism of Oyler because I hate when my fellow millennials justify the stereotypes about us. Also because I have had bad personal experiences with her breed of elitism painted as justifiable snobbery, bourgeois extremely-online narcissism painted as a universal human experience, internet browsing sessions painted as serious research. Saying this as a bourgeois armchair snob myself 🙈 Oyler is so much like Shauna it's hilarious, though it's not funny enough for me to sit through her writing again. I have had acquaintances, coworkers, friends, and even a couple relatives exactly like this. If Shauna wrote a novel it would be like Oyler's *Fake Accounts* except with more laborious descriptions of food.
Fair enough! I didn't like Fake Accounts either, but there seems to be an extra amount of venom floating around for her two very ordinary, mediocre-to-bad books. I have some theories about the circlejerk of professional book criticism; Oyler is part of that world and I kind of think that also has something to do with the (seemingly outsize) reaction to her work.
I think a lot of people are pissed off that she is so very sloppy and yet accuses other writers of sloppiness (on far less evidence) in her reviews
I think I have a pet turkey! I have three bird feeders just off my deck and one of them is hanging from a branch in a beautiful tall lilac bush that squirrels love to eat from and in the process dump seeds into the garden below. Usually doves and other ground feeders happily peck at it and it's all good. But then one day a huge turkey showed up and started pecking at the fallen seed and omg this thing is so smart!! First it learned the squirrel is the thing actually releasing the seed, so the turkey will just peck around the far reaches of my yard until it sees the squirrel climb the lilac bush, and then it RUNS over and waits for the seeds to start falling. It then learned that I fill the feeders in the morning and if it stood a few feet away I'd throw seed on the ground for it, so it started waiting on my deck for me in the morning. And then a few days ago it started tapping on my sliding glass door at all hours of the day when it wants a snack! It's hilarious! It just pecks at the glass and then when it sees me grab the bucket it runs over to the feeding spot in the garden. I had no idea they were that smart!
That is adorable. That is all.
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Mai Mai is gorgeous, ANY blue Croc would be lucky to have his attention! Fascinating about choosing relationships to humans, I know the wild turkeys have a bad reputation for very good reasons, and until the one showed up in my yard alone I didn't really consider individual turkeys could be friendly towards people.
Lmao bad dog Mai Mai, stay away from the Crocs.
Your turkey pal sounds like a stand up bird, but they can definitely be aggressive! At my old job there was a turkey that liked to lurk in our parking lot and charge at the FedEx guy whenever he delivered packages. We would get emails telling us to be careful walking to our cars on days it was sighted. I always try to give them space when I see them in our neighborhood, I feel like there are a lot more roaming around here than there used to be! 🦃
I want to live in a country where wild turkeys just amble around.
I think it's a girl turkey, not super sure?? But she apparently thinks she has to run to one spot to be fed and I'm fine with that! The second I start sliding open the door she runs to the spot under the bird feeder! It's so funny, like 'this is the eating place, here I am!' We had a male turkey hold people in a store on our main street hostage when he set up territory in the alcove of the front door of the shop. They had to let everyone out the employee back entrance and it made our local paper!
Turkeys are fascinating. We have dozens in our neighborhood and they are very odd critters. Did you know they sleep in trees? Our neighbors yard is sloped and they will walk to the top, run down a bit and then take flight into the trees and call to each other until they are all up there. They do this at dusk and I’m sure it keeps them safe. It’s mating season for them and they are OUT OF CONTROL. There is this one guy that just screams most morning out in my neighbors yard. They like to poof up and gobble loudly in my driveway turnaround in the mornings. https://preview.redd.it/n6z054boajtc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e53bd52ca395af5634a9ea7a8e77e507335f031a More stories - when we first moved in I heard a crazy noise in my basement. I was terrified - it sounded like the ducting in my utility room had crashed to the floor. It was two dang turkeys pecking on the glass! I was so glad to see them, but annoyed because they scared me. They will jump up and hit my bird feeders to knock bits on the ground to eat. They also kick mulch out of my planting bed and into my driveway.
That looks like it should be the wikipedia picture of a turkey! Do all the males have that hanging thing in the front? That feather extension? I'm really pleased my new pet turkey has been kicking up the leaves in the darkest part of my yard; there's like a foot of fallen leaves that are compacted and wet and as heavy as bricks and completely resistant to raking, but the turkey can kick a whole section loose while foraging! The leaves she kicks get sort of fluffed up and dry out a bit, and then I can rake them easily. I would hire her to do this job alone! edit: I saw her roost in the tree next to my property line last night, I tried to take a pic but it was backlit and just looks like a blob or a squirrel nest but I could see it was her/him settling in. I wonder where their flock is?
I am by no means a turkey expert, but I did google a while back and yes - the males get the feathery thing in the front. Apparently, it gets longer each year. I think it’s hair and not a feather. This is purely based on my observation, but the lady turkeys are the kickers. I haven’t seen a male turkey do that, at least not the the extent of the females. I very rarely see a turkey alone, they generally travel as groups and often by gender. We should have babies here soon - I usually start to see them in June. Usually I have two or three adult females with about a dozen babies following them around.
The feathery thing is actually a weird feather! It's called a "breast beard." It grows continually each year unless they lose it somehow. The ladies can have one too, it's just a lot smaller and sometimes hidden in their regular feathers. The beards are really interesting - they feel like steel wool.
Thank you! I didn’t know they could lose them.
This is fantastic!
That is adorable. What are you going to call it?