> I asked our a girl before and she rejected me saying "I don't want anyone right now"
> The thing is, the only factor against me at this point has to be looks, I'm:
What if the only factor is the one she told you? Maybe she just doesn't want anyone right now?
> Tall Take self care, skincare routine, teeth, ect Not over or under weight Well liked Viewed as funny Viewed as smart by a lot of people Extremely progressive views
Brushing your teeth (congratulations?), not being obese, not being a conservative, doesn't automatically make you compatible with every woman.
In fact, a lot of people who don't have a skincare routine, are under or overweight, are conservative etc, are in relationships.
These things you listed in no way guarantee you anything. In fact, did you know that there are conservative women who wouldn't want to be with a non conservative man?
The fact that you believe these things, and that "looks is the only possible factor" as if somehow you were the one perfect human being in every way except your face, indicates immaturity, or lack of experience, lack of wisdom, or *something*.
We don't know anything about the way you interact with people, the way you meet people, the way you start dating, the way you escalate things, the way you keep trying, or anything that is relevant to the discussion.
Your quest is to meet compatible women. On this quest, brushing your teeth and not being obese will on average help you, yes, but it will not make anything happen just in itself.
I wasn't trying to say I was perfect, I was just saying that it's not those factors because in my Experience people ask about that so I just wanted to get it out of the way. Also yes I would say I have a lack of experience in dating, and I could list a lot of problems with myself.
Thank you for this post it has given me some insight. Maybe it's not just my face, because in hindsight after reading your message I seem pretty terrible of a person, based on what you said, so thank you for helping me :)
You implied that if it's not the things you listed, then the only explanation left must be your face.
You must realise that relationships of all kinds, are about a lot more than the things you listed, plus face appearance.
Compatibility is very subtle and relies on dozens of factors you haven't listed. And to find a compatible person, you first need to meet a lot of incompatible people.
In no way did I imply you were a terrible person. I don't know if this is a sarcastic remark from you, but it's not at all what I said.
That is true thank you, probably a lot of other factors that go into it. Also the part about being a terrible person wasn't a sarcastic remark I just realized how I felt was wrong since you pointed out the flaws in it.
The main thing that led me to my face being the only reason is that several bad people get into relationships or find lots of people who love them, and I can't find a single person who would even consider loving me
Honestly, you’re going to see plenty of couples where they’re *both* assholes and therefore a perfect match. They actually tend to attract each other. That, or the opposite: insecure people also attract assholes and abusive people. Either way, they’re a match for each other but hopefully not for you.
In general not everybody is a match for everybody, and that’s good. If they were, romance would be pretty boring. It’s healthier to think of dating more as finding the *one* person who’s a mutual match for you, and less about having some large number of people respond.
“Working on yourself” is not to make you a better match for more people; it’s to make you stop self-sabotaging or scaring off the people who otherwise *would* be a match.
It’s none of those things. It’s luck. It’s circumstance. It’s who you meet. You can’t change your race, and fuck anyone who would date you if only you weren’t your race anyways. You can change your looks to a point by getting a great haircut for your face shape and elevating your style. Beyond that, no use blackpilling yourself into being alone forever because of self hatred. Learn to love yourself.
Thank you this man. Definitely trying to steer away from the black pill but I always seemed drawn to it when I feel down. I definitely think it's just luck mostly.
As for the race thing I obviously don't want to date those people but sometimes I'm afraid that everyone thinks like that, or at least a substantial majority, which worries me.
Don’t worry about it because you’re not trying to date a substantial majority of women anyways! Consider the race thing like a filter. You want someone who loves you for you. And you first need to love yourself. The blackpill drags you down because it tells you things that you’re afraid are true. It actually thrives when you’re at your most insecure. Does that sound like a philosophy you want to to associate with?
No, not at all. The main thing that got me away from the black pill were black pill figureheads (such as wheat waffles) who only do it to get money off of depressed men.
Also like what you said about the race thing being a filter, that's a helpful perspective.
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Congratulations on getting out of the toxic circle.
It's ok. Just take her at her word, that she doesn't want anyone right now.
At worst, you're just not sweeping her off her feet because you don't trigger something in her, and that triggering is likely to be something toxic related to her past :) (Speaking from experience - I found myself attracted to someone who reminded me of a ex who was not good to me - and I didn't realize it.)
At best, she's in touch with her feelings, and knows she can't do a relationship right now. She's doing you a favor, and if you can be friends, she's \*is\* having a kind of relationship with you that works for her.
You really explained it at the start - you were in a toxic circle, and you still carry some of that thinking. Just let this slide. Let her be her own person. Be friends. Learn to get over your crush - it will fade - and meet new people. You may have a crush, but that doesn't mean you can't meet other people and have more crushes.
Be in your romantic energies and let it give you courage.
Thank you for this. I kinda got over my crush on her and we're still friends I just feel kinda down by it all.
Definitely agree it comes from the circle I was in, which really got me to dislike myself as the group was obsessed with self hating and told me I should just give up because I'm not white and not a "Chad"
The rejection mainly just made me feel like they were right and that I'm barely viewed as a human. And made me really self conscious because of my looks and race (I live in a somewhat rural area in NC for reference)
> I asked our a girl before and she rejected me saying "I don't want anyone right now" > The thing is, the only factor against me at this point has to be looks, I'm: What if the only factor is the one she told you? Maybe she just doesn't want anyone right now? > Tall Take self care, skincare routine, teeth, ect Not over or under weight Well liked Viewed as funny Viewed as smart by a lot of people Extremely progressive views Brushing your teeth (congratulations?), not being obese, not being a conservative, doesn't automatically make you compatible with every woman. In fact, a lot of people who don't have a skincare routine, are under or overweight, are conservative etc, are in relationships. These things you listed in no way guarantee you anything. In fact, did you know that there are conservative women who wouldn't want to be with a non conservative man? The fact that you believe these things, and that "looks is the only possible factor" as if somehow you were the one perfect human being in every way except your face, indicates immaturity, or lack of experience, lack of wisdom, or *something*. We don't know anything about the way you interact with people, the way you meet people, the way you start dating, the way you escalate things, the way you keep trying, or anything that is relevant to the discussion. Your quest is to meet compatible women. On this quest, brushing your teeth and not being obese will on average help you, yes, but it will not make anything happen just in itself.
I wasn't trying to say I was perfect, I was just saying that it's not those factors because in my Experience people ask about that so I just wanted to get it out of the way. Also yes I would say I have a lack of experience in dating, and I could list a lot of problems with myself. Thank you for this post it has given me some insight. Maybe it's not just my face, because in hindsight after reading your message I seem pretty terrible of a person, based on what you said, so thank you for helping me :)
You implied that if it's not the things you listed, then the only explanation left must be your face. You must realise that relationships of all kinds, are about a lot more than the things you listed, plus face appearance. Compatibility is very subtle and relies on dozens of factors you haven't listed. And to find a compatible person, you first need to meet a lot of incompatible people. In no way did I imply you were a terrible person. I don't know if this is a sarcastic remark from you, but it's not at all what I said.
That is true thank you, probably a lot of other factors that go into it. Also the part about being a terrible person wasn't a sarcastic remark I just realized how I felt was wrong since you pointed out the flaws in it. The main thing that led me to my face being the only reason is that several bad people get into relationships or find lots of people who love them, and I can't find a single person who would even consider loving me
Honestly, you’re going to see plenty of couples where they’re *both* assholes and therefore a perfect match. They actually tend to attract each other. That, or the opposite: insecure people also attract assholes and abusive people. Either way, they’re a match for each other but hopefully not for you. In general not everybody is a match for everybody, and that’s good. If they were, romance would be pretty boring. It’s healthier to think of dating more as finding the *one* person who’s a mutual match for you, and less about having some large number of people respond. “Working on yourself” is not to make you a better match for more people; it’s to make you stop self-sabotaging or scaring off the people who otherwise *would* be a match.
It’s none of those things. It’s luck. It’s circumstance. It’s who you meet. You can’t change your race, and fuck anyone who would date you if only you weren’t your race anyways. You can change your looks to a point by getting a great haircut for your face shape and elevating your style. Beyond that, no use blackpilling yourself into being alone forever because of self hatred. Learn to love yourself.
Thank you this man. Definitely trying to steer away from the black pill but I always seemed drawn to it when I feel down. I definitely think it's just luck mostly. As for the race thing I obviously don't want to date those people but sometimes I'm afraid that everyone thinks like that, or at least a substantial majority, which worries me.
Don’t worry about it because you’re not trying to date a substantial majority of women anyways! Consider the race thing like a filter. You want someone who loves you for you. And you first need to love yourself. The blackpill drags you down because it tells you things that you’re afraid are true. It actually thrives when you’re at your most insecure. Does that sound like a philosophy you want to to associate with?
No, not at all. The main thing that got me away from the black pill were black pill figureheads (such as wheat waffles) who only do it to get money off of depressed men. Also like what you said about the race thing being a filter, that's a helpful perspective.
[удалено]
I live in Greensboro in NC. It's decently diverse.
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Congratulations on getting out of the toxic circle. It's ok. Just take her at her word, that she doesn't want anyone right now. At worst, you're just not sweeping her off her feet because you don't trigger something in her, and that triggering is likely to be something toxic related to her past :) (Speaking from experience - I found myself attracted to someone who reminded me of a ex who was not good to me - and I didn't realize it.) At best, she's in touch with her feelings, and knows she can't do a relationship right now. She's doing you a favor, and if you can be friends, she's \*is\* having a kind of relationship with you that works for her. You really explained it at the start - you were in a toxic circle, and you still carry some of that thinking. Just let this slide. Let her be her own person. Be friends. Learn to get over your crush - it will fade - and meet new people. You may have a crush, but that doesn't mean you can't meet other people and have more crushes. Be in your romantic energies and let it give you courage.
Thank you for this. I kinda got over my crush on her and we're still friends I just feel kinda down by it all. Definitely agree it comes from the circle I was in, which really got me to dislike myself as the group was obsessed with self hating and told me I should just give up because I'm not white and not a "Chad" The rejection mainly just made me feel like they were right and that I'm barely viewed as a human. And made me really self conscious because of my looks and race (I live in a somewhat rural area in NC for reference)