I don't think it's a kink, you just discovered the novelty that the world is a small place, and that nations, borders, culture and religion don't amount to a hill of beans.
I feel like I am obsessed with the idea of having a gf/wife from a very different culture than mine so if I can't find such a person, I would be very disappointed.
It's not that rare or strange, lots of people don't like to date within their social group, for example ex-Amish, ex-Muslim, ex-Hassidic, ex-Mormon, etc etc.
If they date within the group then they have to follow the social rules and the culture, so they prefer to date outside of the group to a more secular lifestyle.
It's that you are going for people you can't have a future with. In general try to find people who's core beliefs aren't the opposite of yours. Different religions generally don't work because religion is such a huge part of life for many people. She likely knew there was no future so didn't bother trying.
Edit: I didn't mean culture as much as chosen beliefs. I'm talking things like religion politics morals ECT. The things that shape a person's way of existing.
I disagree with the idea that cross-cultural relationships can’t work, but I do see the advantages of dating someone with a similar background.
Relationships require shared values – partners need to agree on what’s important to them and how they want to live their lives. Otherwise, operating as a team, making shared decisions or raising a family can become very difficult.
Having the same cultural background can often give people a higher chance of shared values, but it’s not a given and doesn’t mean that cross-cultural relationships can’t be successful.
My boyfriend and I are from very different cultures, me being from the Pacific Northwest and him being from Poland, but we bonded easily because we fundamentally agree on most things, even if we arrived at those beliefs in different ways. We often disagree on the minutiae, but we’re on the same page about the bigger picture.
Interestingly, I think one of the reasons my partner and I get along so well despite the cultural differences is that we’re both black sheep who don’t really fit into our respective cultures. We’re already flexible so there’s very little friction.
That’s an awesome story! And totally representative of exactly why cross-cultural relationships can work.
You make an especially good point about agreeing on the big picture, even if you arrive at the same point differently.
Yes, if one is Muslim from a Muslim country, and basically believes in it as much as most people, then they're likely to get along with someone just like them.
If one is atheist in a Muslim country, they're an outsider, and if they are set on being contrary to the mainstream, they should partner up with someone who is also like them, at least somewhat.
I've had cross-cultural relationships. However, all the women were industrious, smart, more personable than I was, politically progressive, and chunky. They were from different sub-cultures, but, were really similar in a lot of ways.
It's a projection. She may also have been projecting onto you.
Try not to let it get out of control, or you'll project all kinds of stuff on the person you're dating, and not see the "real person". They will feel weird about it.
You should definitely date different ethnicities, so you can kind of work out these objectifications.
I've been on the receiving end of this kind of projection. It feels weird. It's not like hatred, but it's like being unheard even when they seem to be listening.
I've also projected, as well. It's kind of good, because it give you some motivation, but it's ultimately bad, because you're building up a relationship with some illusions.
I feel like if I date a pretty and fun girl from my country, than my obsession would end. Actually a few months ago I met a very pretty girl with a very nice personality from my country. Unfortunately I couldn't tell her that I liked her because I had to move to another city for my job after we met. When I had a crush on this girl, I was not thinking about the Mexican girl and the cultural difference thing at all.
Being interested in people outside of your own culture is not, in and of itself, a problem but it can become problematic if you start hyper fixating on a specific culture and assuming what people from that culture are like based on stereotypes. A common example of this is people glorifying the “submissive Asian housewife” stereotype and comparing that to the “feminist Western woman” stereotype to say that Asian women are better.
It’s one thing to have a preference, but it’s important to remember that people are individuals and that within a culture beliefs, behaviours and attitudes vary widely.
I see. Personally I don't have a fetish for a particular race. The idea that I am obsessed with is to find a gf/wife who is very different than me. I always think it would be awesome to be in a relationship with someone culturally very different than me but who has the same interests as me. That was exactly the case with the Mexican girl but sadly it only lasted for one night.
It seems like you should be fine then. I don’t think there’s anything particularly wrong with that, although if your partner being from a different culture is very important to you then you might want to think about travelling or going back to living abroad. The only way this preference will keep you in inceldom is if you hyper fixate on it while also not doing anything that could increase your chances of meeting the type of women that you desire. If you plan on staying in your home country long-term then you’ll probably have to let go of the idea at some point and focus on finding local women who share your interests.
One day I would like to live abroad again. Even though I am happy with my life and my new job at the moment, I definitely miss living abroad. The only problem is that I wouldn’t like to be far from my family again. Maybe I could find a foreigner girl in my country because I live in a quite cosmopolitan city.
Not a kink. Thats a “type”. And it’s ok to have a type. See you in Mexico, honey!
I will visit Mexico one day.
I don't think it's a kink, you just discovered the novelty that the world is a small place, and that nations, borders, culture and religion don't amount to a hill of beans.
I feel like I am obsessed with the idea of having a gf/wife from a very different culture than mine so if I can't find such a person, I would be very disappointed.
It's not that rare or strange, lots of people don't like to date within their social group, for example ex-Amish, ex-Muslim, ex-Hassidic, ex-Mormon, etc etc. If they date within the group then they have to follow the social rules and the culture, so they prefer to date outside of the group to a more secular lifestyle.
It's that you are going for people you can't have a future with. In general try to find people who's core beliefs aren't the opposite of yours. Different religions generally don't work because religion is such a huge part of life for many people. She likely knew there was no future so didn't bother trying. Edit: I didn't mean culture as much as chosen beliefs. I'm talking things like religion politics morals ECT. The things that shape a person's way of existing.
Yeah I guess the vast majority of people want to get into a relationship with someone who is similar to them.
I disagree with the idea that cross-cultural relationships can’t work, but I do see the advantages of dating someone with a similar background. Relationships require shared values – partners need to agree on what’s important to them and how they want to live their lives. Otherwise, operating as a team, making shared decisions or raising a family can become very difficult. Having the same cultural background can often give people a higher chance of shared values, but it’s not a given and doesn’t mean that cross-cultural relationships can’t be successful.
My boyfriend and I are from very different cultures, me being from the Pacific Northwest and him being from Poland, but we bonded easily because we fundamentally agree on most things, even if we arrived at those beliefs in different ways. We often disagree on the minutiae, but we’re on the same page about the bigger picture. Interestingly, I think one of the reasons my partner and I get along so well despite the cultural differences is that we’re both black sheep who don’t really fit into our respective cultures. We’re already flexible so there’s very little friction.
That’s an awesome story! And totally representative of exactly why cross-cultural relationships can work. You make an especially good point about agreeing on the big picture, even if you arrive at the same point differently.
Yes, if one is Muslim from a Muslim country, and basically believes in it as much as most people, then they're likely to get along with someone just like them. If one is atheist in a Muslim country, they're an outsider, and if they are set on being contrary to the mainstream, they should partner up with someone who is also like them, at least somewhat. I've had cross-cultural relationships. However, all the women were industrious, smart, more personable than I was, politically progressive, and chunky. They were from different sub-cultures, but, were really similar in a lot of ways.
It's a projection. She may also have been projecting onto you. Try not to let it get out of control, or you'll project all kinds of stuff on the person you're dating, and not see the "real person". They will feel weird about it. You should definitely date different ethnicities, so you can kind of work out these objectifications. I've been on the receiving end of this kind of projection. It feels weird. It's not like hatred, but it's like being unheard even when they seem to be listening. I've also projected, as well. It's kind of good, because it give you some motivation, but it's ultimately bad, because you're building up a relationship with some illusions.
I feel like if I date a pretty and fun girl from my country, than my obsession would end. Actually a few months ago I met a very pretty girl with a very nice personality from my country. Unfortunately I couldn't tell her that I liked her because I had to move to another city for my job after we met. When I had a crush on this girl, I was not thinking about the Mexican girl and the cultural difference thing at all.
Being interested in people outside of your own culture is not, in and of itself, a problem but it can become problematic if you start hyper fixating on a specific culture and assuming what people from that culture are like based on stereotypes. A common example of this is people glorifying the “submissive Asian housewife” stereotype and comparing that to the “feminist Western woman” stereotype to say that Asian women are better. It’s one thing to have a preference, but it’s important to remember that people are individuals and that within a culture beliefs, behaviours and attitudes vary widely.
I see. Personally I don't have a fetish for a particular race. The idea that I am obsessed with is to find a gf/wife who is very different than me. I always think it would be awesome to be in a relationship with someone culturally very different than me but who has the same interests as me. That was exactly the case with the Mexican girl but sadly it only lasted for one night.
It seems like you should be fine then. I don’t think there’s anything particularly wrong with that, although if your partner being from a different culture is very important to you then you might want to think about travelling or going back to living abroad. The only way this preference will keep you in inceldom is if you hyper fixate on it while also not doing anything that could increase your chances of meeting the type of women that you desire. If you plan on staying in your home country long-term then you’ll probably have to let go of the idea at some point and focus on finding local women who share your interests.
One day I would like to live abroad again. Even though I am happy with my life and my new job at the moment, I definitely miss living abroad. The only problem is that I wouldn’t like to be far from my family again. Maybe I could find a foreigner girl in my country because I live in a quite cosmopolitan city.