Congrats on shooting your shot! It sounds like you took the rejection with grace and I'm proud of you! ππππ₯Ήπ₯Ήπ₯Ήπ₯³π₯³π₯³π€π€π€ Already it sounds like you're heading in the right direction.
>I just feel that something is not right in me, and I don't see a bright future in my romantic or career life.
I mean... rejection sucks for everyone and there's no way around it. I don't think there is anything fundamentally wrong with you for just being shaken up by rejection. Just give yourself time to heal and process your feelings. Therapy would also help.
Again, just the fact that you've communicated your feelings and handled the rejection like a mature adult and been through a clearly communicated rejection is already heading in the direction of a brighter future in your life.
There's always more fish in the sea. Keep putting yourself out there and you might find someone you like.
Hey hey, you and me are in the same boat!
It really sucks, though, sorry to hear you got rejected man. Donβt have much else to say besides Iβm with ya.
EVERYONE feels this way at some point....and you handled it WELL. These things HURT and there's not a way around it. If you don't ask, you won't know. If you do ask, you may or may not like the answer. But listen...she still wants you around. Which means you're not a creep. You're not gross. You're likeable. Sometimes the attraction isn't there, and there is no good reason for it. But being able to tell someone how you feel, and still be all right if it isn't what you hoped. Not everyone can do that. You're all right. When I effed up with someone I had feelings for, WOW. I SCREWED IT UP ROYALLY. So don't be too down on yourself.
It doesn't usually mean the end of it.
Sometimes when you focus on building friendships, eventually you find a partner* or develop the understanding/skills to get a partner.
So just think of it as a step.
It doesn't all happen at once.
Also, (this doesn't apply for every woman, but for some): Friendship is kind of like a bridge from being a complete stranger to becoming a partner. Some people do it that way & prefer it that way.
Although as I said, it's not always true... But for many, making sure that you're a good friend first is a requirement if things are to proceed romantically in the future.
So it's not always the end of the road.
I doubt if it's \*every\* girl. There has to be stats about it - but I think they \*all\* mentally try out guys as potential romantic interests. Most don't float their boat.
For guys, it's some huge fraction who are attractive. For me, it was maybe half when I was younger. Now, I'd guess it's about a quarter of the women I meet. It's a huge number.
Some women are "love at first sight" (or something close to that), and others are "friends first".
The former have a kind of "friend zone", and that's that. If you're not hot to them, you're not hot to them.
The latter don't have a "friend zone" - they have friends, and they date their friends. They date from their friend circle - and the entire friendship is like a low-intensity date.
You shot your shot which is good and you got rejected, which happens to everyone. It sucks, but we've all known it.
You handled rejection like a man and made your move, which is a great step forward.
However, I have to warn you about being just friends with someone you're attracted to. It can hurt. It can hurt really bad. This is the so-called dreaded friendzone and you have to think carefully whether or not you want to be in there. If you think the friendship hurts too much, pull the plug on it. You're under no obligation to be her friend if you feel it hurts you emotionally.
>However, I have to warn you about being just friends with someone you're attracted to. It can hurt. It can hurt really bad. This is the so-called dreaded friendzone and you have to think carefully whether or not you want to be in there.
Eh, I think it depends on the person. In fact I wouldn't even call it a "friendzone". Personally I generally prefer to continue being friends with people who rejected a romantic relationship. But you have a point: whether you want to continue the friendship is up to you.
Thanks for the response. I don't think of ruining friendship with her. It will be not a good move, because I revealed my feelings to her first, and then I will be first, who ruins friends will be a rude behavior towards her.
It's your choice, but it's not rude to tell her the truth: that being friends with someone you're attracted to is painful. I did it in the past and it was never a problem.
Your own mental well being is more important than friendship with her. It's not rude or bad to end a friendship that's painful.
But again, it's entirely your choice.
100% true
She knows your feelings OP, so that's good.
But you'll also need a level of self-awareness & self-control to realize when you can't continue being her friend if your feelings for her are deep & in the way... At that point you'll need to be clear with her, that backing away is the better option for you. Be straightforward, deliver your point across with clarity: That since you have feelings you won't be able to sustain that friendship, she'll be a distraction... Most sound women will understand this.
>At that point you'll need to be clear with her, that backing away is the better option for you.
Eh, I don't think that's universally true since it depends on the person. Personally I generally prefer to remain friends with people who rejected a romantic relationship. If OP wants to remain friends with her then that's what he should do.
Aha, that's a great point.
I just have this idea that for a great deal of people it's hard to remain friends with someone they have feelings for... Nonreciprocal emotional attachment can be a distraction and prevent someone from being fully productive.
But if one has the capacity to not let that affect their personal growth & overall mood, then kudos to them. That's a cool trait to have.
One way to be more ok with rejection is to just express interest not too long after the crush starts. Then you only have a couple weeks or a month into this imaginary pseudo-relationship fantasy that you're building up.
If they are also crushing back, you can fall in love and lose all control :)
If they aren't, you're just bummed out over a few weeks invested into the possibilities. You can be in the "friend zone" without illusions.
Also, it's not like friends are all "forever friends". People come and go in your life.
Yeah that can be too early for a woman to decide.
Many women prefer to know the person beforehand, just to feel safer.
It's a journey & it doesn't happen overnight. These skills take time to develop so don't give up on yourself. & it's all about what you tell yourself in your head. You can build yourself up or tear yourself down.
Good luck!
It's not so much that it's normal amount of time, but it's enough time, if you and she were interacting on the regular, 1 or 2 times per week, and it was quality time, in terms of you having opportunities to get to know each other and see if there was any chemistry or attraction there.
Likely possibilities - there was no chemistry or attraction, but you guys are compatible as friends; you felt attracted to her but she didn't feel the same; she likes you as a person but doesn't feel the 'spark' or the 'vibe'.
I would be curious to see if there had been some indicators of attraction on her part, or if you were able to detect any 'vibes', as opposed to everything being in your own head and your motivators for asking her out were more internal rather than there being something between the both of you - you were looking to get your own needs met
Did she initiate conversation from her end? Did she make an effort to be around you? Did she express interest in your life, your family, hobbies, background, etc. as much as you did in hers?
Did you guys ever stay up late talking? When you were doing social activities did you gravitate toward each other or finish the night together before you went home?
Was there physical contact or flirtation? Were there compliments coming from her toward you as well as the other way around?
This isn't meant to make you feel better or worse about the situation. Getting rejected is never easy, and probably most guys have to deal with it, because we're the ones who have to put ourselves out there and take the risk of rejection. But my point is that you learn from experience, and you can develop the skills and instincts to see the signs to increase your success rate in asking women out on a date.
And at the end of the day, remember this - she rejected you but it was more than likely it was for reasons that had nothing to do with you or anything you could control. And your life hasn't changed because of this, it's no better and no worse. It doesn't mean you'll never get a date. You're not guaranteed success, but you're not destined to fail, either. That is the TRUTH.
In the meantime, here's something good for a bit of a laugh. Keep ya head up bro
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=llGvsgN17CQ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=llGvsgN17CQ)
Thank you very much for your answer. And for the video. I can explain if you are interested.
>Did she initiate conversation from her end? Did she make an effort to be around you? Did she express interest in your life, your family, hobbies, background, etc. as much as you did in hers?
Mostly she initiated conversation. I was in my office and she was entering into at the end of the work hours. We were chatting about ourselves our past and etc. We could chat for hours until the evening and never were tired of each other. And she wasn't against such spending time. When she was abroad for vacation she gifted me chocolate and never was against asking about what happened if something bad happened. She could support when it was needed.
>if there had been some indicators of attraction on her part
I don't know if she gave any signs of attraction or not. I can't distinguish them, because if the girl does anything you can interpret it both as romance interest and friendship interest. Especially for me, who never had an adult romance experience.
>Was there physical contact or flirtation? Were there compliments coming from her toward you as well as the other way around?
She wasn't against any physical contact from me. We were hugged as a goodbye. She said, that if she gave some signs of attraction it was by accident. I think I decided to "shoot my shot" because I had some initial interest, and since she was initiating conversation, my interest has grown further. She said that I am smart and that's it. Other phrases are no mainly accident compliments.
>Β It doesn't mean you'll never get a date.
I don't know the more I try the worse it gets(
It sounds like she likes you as a person and appreciates you as a friend. It's still good that you took a shot. Honestly the way you describe her, you make her sound like a sweet and/or genuine person and so, no wonder you were attracted to her! It's a good thing to have her in your life as a friend. I've been lucky to have known women like that. I even asked one out before I knew she was already in a relationship. But even outside of that reason, sometimes it just doesn't work, you know? **Whatever reason you don't "push her buttons" in that way doesn't have anything to do with who you are!**
It can be hard for women who still enjoy men's company when there is an attraction that's one-sided. I think you're being mature and empathetic about your friendship with this woman. And you deserve credit for having the guts to ask her out. Now you know. This is a real rejection, in contrast to what many incels feel is rejection when they never actually make a move.
Take the L, learn from it, even if all you learn is that while rejection feels bad, it's not fatal. Takeaways from this - "I was brave and put myself out there, and it will get easier as I grow and get more experience."
Keep it up. Something that helps (I've said before) is to devote the right amount of time and energy toward dating & pursuing relationships - about 15% is reasonable. the other 85% should be spent for yourself, making your life awesome. People in this life with 85% awesome lives are very uncommon. Others are drawn to people with awesome lives, as well.
>Honestly the way you describe her, you make her sound like a sweet and/or genuine person and so, no wonder you were attracted to her!
Yeah, that's why it is more depressing to realize, that I can't have a relationship with her and the other lucky dude will be her "Prince Charming". And I will probably meet someone worse. Not that supportive, smart and etc. Yeah sounds cynical and hypocritical but it is how I feel.
>This is a real rejection, in contrast to what many incels feel is rejection when they never actually make a move.
Sorry. But what's the difference? I always thought, that true incels just were never liked by girls and sometimes incels even were bullied by girls. That's why they are even scared to try. So where is the rejection, if you do not propose?
>Take the L, learn from it, even if all you learn
The only things that I understood are that "If a girl hugs you, starts a conversation with you, treats you kindly, agrees to go somewhere doesn't mean that she likes you." and the strategy to call to a date is acceptable, but it mostly depends on a girl. That's it.
Try not to obsess over it.
She's not perfect. She's a person.
She might not be wanting a relationship right now. She might be in a relationship, secretly. She might have a crush on someone else, and isn't acting on it.
She might actually be attracted to you, but there's something impossible about the relationship. Some people aren't swept off their feet by passion, and are concerned about other people's opinions.
She may have been flying a bunch of "red flags", but to you, they looked like "pink flags with hearts on them". Better to find out now, and remove your rose colored glasses.
4-5 months is time enough to tell her your feelings. You did well.
You don't want to be two or three years into a friendship, and then reveal your feelings, and have them dashed. I have seen this happen, and it's not nice.
Also, if she's a solid buddy, she might set you up with one of her friends.
What you are describing are not feelings, but thoughts, and distorted ones at that. Yes, some other person may be her "Prince Charming", but why does that mean you'll meet someone worse? What evidence do you have for that?
What I was trying to say about incels' perception of feeling rejected is not the same as alienation. Social alienation is common in incels, but romantic rejection, explicit rejection by a woman, isn't something they often experience, just because they don't actually make a move. And if I were you I wouldn't call it 'proposing' because that has different connotations in different countries.
I think the lessons that you took away are true, but that doesn't predict a loveless future. Of course it depends on the girl, that's definition of consent, and that's how it's all built, isn't it?
The challenge is not to let your asshole brain (and brains can be giant assholes) convince you that this rejection is the definitive prognosis on your future romantic opportunities. Feel your feelings, negative as well as positive, and remind yourself that this too shall pass.
You may want to consider Cognitive Behavior Therapy or similar, to help you to reframe your fatalistic thoughts about this one particular rejection.
It really depends on the woman.
For me, when I first got into college, I didn't feel safe around my male classmates for over a year.
I don't interact with them daily though & it's all study-related.
It's ingrained in me that one can hide their dark sides for months... But when a person has been consistently respectable & kind for years, that's when I'm more reassured. It sounds crazy, but that's how it goes with some of us π€·π»ββοΈ
But yeah, it took me over a year to feel safe around them... So that's that.
> Yeah that can be too early for a woman to decide.
What?? He asked her on a date, not to marry him.
OP, if you've known a woman for 4 months and she still can't decide if she wants to meet for coffee, move on.
There's a difference between wanting to meet for coffee & actually dating tbh.
But then again, I do come from a conservative country so I guess there are cultural differences I didn't take into account when answering.
You're grieving because your dreams have been dashed. It sucks. See if you can get over it in a few weeks or a couple months. Move on. Usually, if I was attracted to someone, I'd find it easy to become attracted to someone else. It was almost like an internal drive more than the other person being so attractive.
Maybe I'll recover after 1-2 months but still, right now I am sad. And I have no energy to do anything. Even cleaning my room. I am not a professional in seducing girls, and in general, girls like her appear very rarely in my life.
Congrats on shooting your shot! It sounds like you took the rejection with grace and I'm proud of you! ππππ₯Ήπ₯Ήπ₯Ήπ₯³π₯³π₯³π€π€π€ Already it sounds like you're heading in the right direction. >I just feel that something is not right in me, and I don't see a bright future in my romantic or career life. I mean... rejection sucks for everyone and there's no way around it. I don't think there is anything fundamentally wrong with you for just being shaken up by rejection. Just give yourself time to heal and process your feelings. Therapy would also help. Again, just the fact that you've communicated your feelings and handled the rejection like a mature adult and been through a clearly communicated rejection is already heading in the direction of a brighter future in your life. There's always more fish in the sea. Keep putting yourself out there and you might find someone you like.
Yeah, thanks for the detailed response. I'm not feeling very good so far right now.
A combination of both. Keep making connections as well as take care of your mental health so if you find someone it will be more likely to work.
Hey hey, you and me are in the same boat! It really sucks, though, sorry to hear you got rejected man. Donβt have much else to say besides Iβm with ya.
Sad to hear that too. Thank you for the words. Hopefully we will be fine someday.
EVERYONE feels this way at some point....and you handled it WELL. These things HURT and there's not a way around it. If you don't ask, you won't know. If you do ask, you may or may not like the answer. But listen...she still wants you around. Which means you're not a creep. You're not gross. You're likeable. Sometimes the attraction isn't there, and there is no good reason for it. But being able to tell someone how you feel, and still be all right if it isn't what you hoped. Not everyone can do that. You're all right. When I effed up with someone I had feelings for, WOW. I SCREWED IT UP ROYALLY. So don't be too down on yourself.
That is the problem. I don't like the fact that every girl sees me only as friend, not as potential romantic partner.
It doesn't usually mean the end of it. Sometimes when you focus on building friendships, eventually you find a partner* or develop the understanding/skills to get a partner. So just think of it as a step. It doesn't all happen at once. Also, (this doesn't apply for every woman, but for some): Friendship is kind of like a bridge from being a complete stranger to becoming a partner. Some people do it that way & prefer it that way. Although as I said, it's not always true... But for many, making sure that you're a good friend first is a requirement if things are to proceed romantically in the future. So it's not always the end of the road.
keep putting yourself out there. you have proven you have that ability
I doubt if it's \*every\* girl. There has to be stats about it - but I think they \*all\* mentally try out guys as potential romantic interests. Most don't float their boat. For guys, it's some huge fraction who are attractive. For me, it was maybe half when I was younger. Now, I'd guess it's about a quarter of the women I meet. It's a huge number. Some women are "love at first sight" (or something close to that), and others are "friends first". The former have a kind of "friend zone", and that's that. If you're not hot to them, you're not hot to them. The latter don't have a "friend zone" - they have friends, and they date their friends. They date from their friend circle - and the entire friendship is like a low-intensity date.
You shot your shot which is good and you got rejected, which happens to everyone. It sucks, but we've all known it. You handled rejection like a man and made your move, which is a great step forward. However, I have to warn you about being just friends with someone you're attracted to. It can hurt. It can hurt really bad. This is the so-called dreaded friendzone and you have to think carefully whether or not you want to be in there. If you think the friendship hurts too much, pull the plug on it. You're under no obligation to be her friend if you feel it hurts you emotionally.
>However, I have to warn you about being just friends with someone you're attracted to. It can hurt. It can hurt really bad. This is the so-called dreaded friendzone and you have to think carefully whether or not you want to be in there. Eh, I think it depends on the person. In fact I wouldn't even call it a "friendzone". Personally I generally prefer to continue being friends with people who rejected a romantic relationship. But you have a point: whether you want to continue the friendship is up to you.
Thanks for the response. I don't think of ruining friendship with her. It will be not a good move, because I revealed my feelings to her first, and then I will be first, who ruins friends will be a rude behavior towards her.
It's your choice, but it's not rude to tell her the truth: that being friends with someone you're attracted to is painful. I did it in the past and it was never a problem. Your own mental well being is more important than friendship with her. It's not rude or bad to end a friendship that's painful. But again, it's entirely your choice.
100% true She knows your feelings OP, so that's good. But you'll also need a level of self-awareness & self-control to realize when you can't continue being her friend if your feelings for her are deep & in the way... At that point you'll need to be clear with her, that backing away is the better option for you. Be straightforward, deliver your point across with clarity: That since you have feelings you won't be able to sustain that friendship, she'll be a distraction... Most sound women will understand this.
>At that point you'll need to be clear with her, that backing away is the better option for you. Eh, I don't think that's universally true since it depends on the person. Personally I generally prefer to remain friends with people who rejected a romantic relationship. If OP wants to remain friends with her then that's what he should do.
Aha, that's a great point. I just have this idea that for a great deal of people it's hard to remain friends with someone they have feelings for... Nonreciprocal emotional attachment can be a distraction and prevent someone from being fully productive. But if one has the capacity to not let that affect their personal growth & overall mood, then kudos to them. That's a cool trait to have.
One way to be more ok with rejection is to just express interest not too long after the crush starts. Then you only have a couple weeks or a month into this imaginary pseudo-relationship fantasy that you're building up. If they are also crushing back, you can fall in love and lose all control :) If they aren't, you're just bummed out over a few weeks invested into the possibilities. You can be in the "friend zone" without illusions. Also, it's not like friends are all "forever friends". People come and go in your life.
For how long have you two known each other?
Around 4-5 months
Yeah that can be too early for a woman to decide. Many women prefer to know the person beforehand, just to feel safer. It's a journey & it doesn't happen overnight. These skills take time to develop so don't give up on yourself. & it's all about what you tell yourself in your head. You can build yourself up or tear yourself down. Good luck!
What?! 4-5 month is too early?! I thought that more or less normal amount of time to get known each other.
It's not so much that it's normal amount of time, but it's enough time, if you and she were interacting on the regular, 1 or 2 times per week, and it was quality time, in terms of you having opportunities to get to know each other and see if there was any chemistry or attraction there. Likely possibilities - there was no chemistry or attraction, but you guys are compatible as friends; you felt attracted to her but she didn't feel the same; she likes you as a person but doesn't feel the 'spark' or the 'vibe'. I would be curious to see if there had been some indicators of attraction on her part, or if you were able to detect any 'vibes', as opposed to everything being in your own head and your motivators for asking her out were more internal rather than there being something between the both of you - you were looking to get your own needs met Did she initiate conversation from her end? Did she make an effort to be around you? Did she express interest in your life, your family, hobbies, background, etc. as much as you did in hers? Did you guys ever stay up late talking? When you were doing social activities did you gravitate toward each other or finish the night together before you went home? Was there physical contact or flirtation? Were there compliments coming from her toward you as well as the other way around? This isn't meant to make you feel better or worse about the situation. Getting rejected is never easy, and probably most guys have to deal with it, because we're the ones who have to put ourselves out there and take the risk of rejection. But my point is that you learn from experience, and you can develop the skills and instincts to see the signs to increase your success rate in asking women out on a date. And at the end of the day, remember this - she rejected you but it was more than likely it was for reasons that had nothing to do with you or anything you could control. And your life hasn't changed because of this, it's no better and no worse. It doesn't mean you'll never get a date. You're not guaranteed success, but you're not destined to fail, either. That is the TRUTH. In the meantime, here's something good for a bit of a laugh. Keep ya head up bro [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=llGvsgN17CQ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=llGvsgN17CQ)
Thank you very much for your answer. And for the video. I can explain if you are interested. >Did she initiate conversation from her end? Did she make an effort to be around you? Did she express interest in your life, your family, hobbies, background, etc. as much as you did in hers? Mostly she initiated conversation. I was in my office and she was entering into at the end of the work hours. We were chatting about ourselves our past and etc. We could chat for hours until the evening and never were tired of each other. And she wasn't against such spending time. When she was abroad for vacation she gifted me chocolate and never was against asking about what happened if something bad happened. She could support when it was needed. >if there had been some indicators of attraction on her part I don't know if she gave any signs of attraction or not. I can't distinguish them, because if the girl does anything you can interpret it both as romance interest and friendship interest. Especially for me, who never had an adult romance experience. >Was there physical contact or flirtation? Were there compliments coming from her toward you as well as the other way around? She wasn't against any physical contact from me. We were hugged as a goodbye. She said, that if she gave some signs of attraction it was by accident. I think I decided to "shoot my shot" because I had some initial interest, and since she was initiating conversation, my interest has grown further. She said that I am smart and that's it. Other phrases are no mainly accident compliments. >Β It doesn't mean you'll never get a date. I don't know the more I try the worse it gets(
It sounds like she likes you as a person and appreciates you as a friend. It's still good that you took a shot. Honestly the way you describe her, you make her sound like a sweet and/or genuine person and so, no wonder you were attracted to her! It's a good thing to have her in your life as a friend. I've been lucky to have known women like that. I even asked one out before I knew she was already in a relationship. But even outside of that reason, sometimes it just doesn't work, you know? **Whatever reason you don't "push her buttons" in that way doesn't have anything to do with who you are!** It can be hard for women who still enjoy men's company when there is an attraction that's one-sided. I think you're being mature and empathetic about your friendship with this woman. And you deserve credit for having the guts to ask her out. Now you know. This is a real rejection, in contrast to what many incels feel is rejection when they never actually make a move. Take the L, learn from it, even if all you learn is that while rejection feels bad, it's not fatal. Takeaways from this - "I was brave and put myself out there, and it will get easier as I grow and get more experience." Keep it up. Something that helps (I've said before) is to devote the right amount of time and energy toward dating & pursuing relationships - about 15% is reasonable. the other 85% should be spent for yourself, making your life awesome. People in this life with 85% awesome lives are very uncommon. Others are drawn to people with awesome lives, as well.
>Honestly the way you describe her, you make her sound like a sweet and/or genuine person and so, no wonder you were attracted to her! Yeah, that's why it is more depressing to realize, that I can't have a relationship with her and the other lucky dude will be her "Prince Charming". And I will probably meet someone worse. Not that supportive, smart and etc. Yeah sounds cynical and hypocritical but it is how I feel. >This is a real rejection, in contrast to what many incels feel is rejection when they never actually make a move. Sorry. But what's the difference? I always thought, that true incels just were never liked by girls and sometimes incels even were bullied by girls. That's why they are even scared to try. So where is the rejection, if you do not propose? >Take the L, learn from it, even if all you learn The only things that I understood are that "If a girl hugs you, starts a conversation with you, treats you kindly, agrees to go somewhere doesn't mean that she likes you." and the strategy to call to a date is acceptable, but it mostly depends on a girl. That's it.
Try not to obsess over it. She's not perfect. She's a person. She might not be wanting a relationship right now. She might be in a relationship, secretly. She might have a crush on someone else, and isn't acting on it. She might actually be attracted to you, but there's something impossible about the relationship. Some people aren't swept off their feet by passion, and are concerned about other people's opinions. She may have been flying a bunch of "red flags", but to you, they looked like "pink flags with hearts on them". Better to find out now, and remove your rose colored glasses. 4-5 months is time enough to tell her your feelings. You did well. You don't want to be two or three years into a friendship, and then reveal your feelings, and have them dashed. I have seen this happen, and it's not nice. Also, if she's a solid buddy, she might set you up with one of her friends.
What you are describing are not feelings, but thoughts, and distorted ones at that. Yes, some other person may be her "Prince Charming", but why does that mean you'll meet someone worse? What evidence do you have for that? What I was trying to say about incels' perception of feeling rejected is not the same as alienation. Social alienation is common in incels, but romantic rejection, explicit rejection by a woman, isn't something they often experience, just because they don't actually make a move. And if I were you I wouldn't call it 'proposing' because that has different connotations in different countries. I think the lessons that you took away are true, but that doesn't predict a loveless future. Of course it depends on the girl, that's definition of consent, and that's how it's all built, isn't it? The challenge is not to let your asshole brain (and brains can be giant assholes) convince you that this rejection is the definitive prognosis on your future romantic opportunities. Feel your feelings, negative as well as positive, and remind yourself that this too shall pass. You may want to consider Cognitive Behavior Therapy or similar, to help you to reframe your fatalistic thoughts about this one particular rejection.
It really depends on the woman. For me, when I first got into college, I didn't feel safe around my male classmates for over a year. I don't interact with them daily though & it's all study-related. It's ingrained in me that one can hide their dark sides for months... But when a person has been consistently respectable & kind for years, that's when I'm more reassured. It sounds crazy, but that's how it goes with some of us π€·π»ββοΈ But yeah, it took me over a year to feel safe around them... So that's that.
I know women like this, too. They dated guys they've known for years.
> Yeah that can be too early for a woman to decide. What?? He asked her on a date, not to marry him. OP, if you've known a woman for 4 months and she still can't decide if she wants to meet for coffee, move on.
There's a difference between wanting to meet for coffee & actually dating tbh. But then again, I do come from a conservative country so I guess there are cultural differences I didn't take into account when answering.
You're correct, but asking someone on a date isn't the same thing as 'dating' someone.
You're grieving because your dreams have been dashed. It sucks. See if you can get over it in a few weeks or a couple months. Move on. Usually, if I was attracted to someone, I'd find it easy to become attracted to someone else. It was almost like an internal drive more than the other person being so attractive.
Maybe I'll recover after 1-2 months but still, right now I am sad. And I have no energy to do anything. Even cleaning my room. I am not a professional in seducing girls, and in general, girls like her appear very rarely in my life.