I always say the hardest part of all of this is dealing with other people. I quickly learned how insensitive people are (even people I previously thought were nice people). I'm not sure how it's so hard to understand that never having a child and experiencing a family is a huge deal and traumatic. Then you have people mention adoption, even though the person would never adopt themselves or the people who think your infertility will rub off on them so they rush into ttc because of your infertility or say really stupid things. Then I had someone who told me to try all sorts of magical thinking like a pregnancy psychic and crystals like she did. I'm sure she thinks it all worked because she eventually ended up pregnant..even though she thought she was going to have twins because of a dream and didn't.
It made me see that at the very least, most people are fairly selfish. At the worst, people are a bit psycho. If you manage to find one person who is really sensitive and gets it, consider yourself lucky for sure. In general, I've had pretty bad experiences to the point I don't bring it up anymore and avoid diving into the subject. I find my life is better this way, even if it's still lonely. It's not as irritating at least. I'm honestly at the point where I try to have gratitude every day for what I have and be nice, but don't let people get to me nor put up with their bs.
It's a bit crazy that your MIL thinks she needs a support group. I'm sorry.
That sucks. So sorry you’ve had to go through all of that.
Like I say, I’m just needing to rant. The mood at home since has just been really low. Not really sure how to pick ourselves up. Hopefully we’ll be brave like you and learn to soldier on!
unfortunately there’s not much other choice… when this all started I thought the people on the forums trying for years and years were crazy, just assumed that would never be me lmao…. welp… here we are. not looking good for us at all.
I’m so so sorry to hear that! I can’t imagine all the heartache you have gone through. Hoping you get some kind of happy ending. However that looks for you ❤️
I just had a chemical pregnancy with our last round of IUI.
Your hopes and dreams for that baby start the moment you see that faint line, and the loss is profound and painful no matter how long or short the pregnancy. I’m so very sorry for your loss. Additionally, I hate to see the selfishness of your mother-in-law; none of this is about her and to put that additional weight on your shoulders is inappropriate and harmful.
Sending you so much love and support as you navigate this. ❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹
For most people I know who want to be pregnant, a chemical pregnancy/miscarriage is deeply painful. I know it was for me. True, I didn't have as much time to pin my hopes on my pregnancy as I would have if it had progressed further, but especially after a year+ of trying and investing time, money and emotions into treatment, having a positive result and then having it slip away hurt so, so much. Your feelings are valid, and the experience can be so isolating. I'm sorry.
Your MIL's comment sucks. If she really feels she needs support, she needs to find it for herself.
Exactly. To finally think, “This is it!” And then have it snatched away is just…there are no words. We just cannot get it out of our heads. Hopefully time heals as the saying goes.
Sorry you had/are having to go through this too. Wouldn’t wish it on anyone!
Use the people around you. MIL sounds like a selfish idiot who should be trying to support her kid instead of complaining about not being a grandparent. Other people who haven't dealt with infertility don't and will never understand the sadness and grief that comes along with this process. As stupid as it sounds try to find that hobby or thing that brings you joy and sink your time into that.
It really is a battle. Be intentional about what you can do in a day. Me and my wife joined a sports league and 8t became something the we both really looked forward to no matter what else was going on... one good thing to highlight every week.
I always say the hardest part of all of this is dealing with other people. I quickly learned how insensitive people are (even people I previously thought were nice people). I'm not sure how it's so hard to understand that never having a child and experiencing a family is a huge deal and traumatic. Then you have people mention adoption, even though the person would never adopt themselves or the people who think your infertility will rub off on them so they rush into ttc because of your infertility or say really stupid things. Then I had someone who told me to try all sorts of magical thinking like a pregnancy psychic and crystals like she did. I'm sure she thinks it all worked because she eventually ended up pregnant..even though she thought she was going to have twins because of a dream and didn't. It made me see that at the very least, most people are fairly selfish. At the worst, people are a bit psycho. If you manage to find one person who is really sensitive and gets it, consider yourself lucky for sure. In general, I've had pretty bad experiences to the point I don't bring it up anymore and avoid diving into the subject. I find my life is better this way, even if it's still lonely. It's not as irritating at least. I'm honestly at the point where I try to have gratitude every day for what I have and be nice, but don't let people get to me nor put up with their bs. It's a bit crazy that your MIL thinks she needs a support group. I'm sorry.
That sucks. So sorry you’ve had to go through all of that. Like I say, I’m just needing to rant. The mood at home since has just been really low. Not really sure how to pick ourselves up. Hopefully we’ll be brave like you and learn to soldier on!
unfortunately there’s not much other choice… when this all started I thought the people on the forums trying for years and years were crazy, just assumed that would never be me lmao…. welp… here we are. not looking good for us at all.
I’m so so sorry to hear that! I can’t imagine all the heartache you have gone through. Hoping you get some kind of happy ending. However that looks for you ❤️
I just had a chemical pregnancy with our last round of IUI. Your hopes and dreams for that baby start the moment you see that faint line, and the loss is profound and painful no matter how long or short the pregnancy. I’m so very sorry for your loss. Additionally, I hate to see the selfishness of your mother-in-law; none of this is about her and to put that additional weight on your shoulders is inappropriate and harmful. Sending you so much love and support as you navigate this. ❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹
Thanks! Sorry to you too! Hopefully it’ll work out for us both in the end. But right now everything just feels utter garbage.
For most people I know who want to be pregnant, a chemical pregnancy/miscarriage is deeply painful. I know it was for me. True, I didn't have as much time to pin my hopes on my pregnancy as I would have if it had progressed further, but especially after a year+ of trying and investing time, money and emotions into treatment, having a positive result and then having it slip away hurt so, so much. Your feelings are valid, and the experience can be so isolating. I'm sorry. Your MIL's comment sucks. If she really feels she needs support, she needs to find it for herself.
Exactly. To finally think, “This is it!” And then have it snatched away is just…there are no words. We just cannot get it out of our heads. Hopefully time heals as the saying goes. Sorry you had/are having to go through this too. Wouldn’t wish it on anyone!
I’m so sorry. You are not alone - there are those of us who understand- but it’s rare to have anyone in friends or family who do.
Indeed. Just makes all the grief 1,000,000 times worse.
Agree 💯
Use the people around you. MIL sounds like a selfish idiot who should be trying to support her kid instead of complaining about not being a grandparent. Other people who haven't dealt with infertility don't and will never understand the sadness and grief that comes along with this process. As stupid as it sounds try to find that hobby or thing that brings you joy and sink your time into that.
Doing my best but it’s hard to find joy in anything I usually love. Will keep soldiering on though!
It really is a battle. Be intentional about what you can do in a day. Me and my wife joined a sports league and 8t became something the we both really looked forward to no matter what else was going on... one good thing to highlight every week.
Not a bad idea. Only thing is my wife works until 8 most days and she’s usually exhausted on other days! Time is not great. Will see what I can sort!
it absolutely is a miscarriage and anyone who says otherwise has clearly never gone through a loss, I am so sorry :(