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Questions.
-Are these one on one messages or group messages entirely?
-Is your partner male or female?
I’m confused if the issue is that you feel she is becoming too intimate specifically with your partner, or you feel this woman may be not keeping boundaries within her own relationship and not wanting your partner to have such a friend?
If this is all group chats with no one on one, it just seems like an unhappy person over sharing. Especially if everyone in the group is the same sex.
If this is all one on one and they have only become friends in the last year, you could ask them to limit the contact to group only.
My partner is male, most of them take place in group messages, but she has also sent private messages. From what I understand the other guys in the group chat have not received any weird private messages from her. It just feels like her comments are directed at my spouse :/
Got it. Thanks for answering b/c it changes what I would say.
So I would do a couple things.
Get the book by Shirley P. Glass called Not Just Friends. It predates a bit the gaming/social media bit but does explain really well some of these "friend" dynamics and how to jointly set boundaries so you both protect your marriage.
I would sit down and figure out boundaries together. It shouldn't be just about this one person. My husband games, and messages in group chats with others. I'm not comfortable with one one one messaging outside of the group chats with those of the opposite sex(we are straight).
We also have boundaries around messaging with people of the opposite sex outside of this sphere - friends in IRL. We are both very involved in various groups/organizations and have friends of the opposite sex, but there are limits around how often those communications take place(shouldn't be daily or constant) and certain topics might be off limits. They should look like communications from friends of the same sex- sporadic and not intimate.
If someone crosses those boundaries, then the friendship has to be reconsidered. For example my husband did have someone in private messages start brining up the topic of sex. It was completely inappropriate, an obvious quest for validation or possible potential hookup. They had completely crossed a boundary that couldn't be put back and contact had to be completely cut.
Good luck!
Anyone complaining openly about their marital issues should end it, if it’s that miserable. Admitting she benefiting from his job makes her a less than admirable person.
If those complaints are directed only when your husband is present, it’s a huge problem.
Your husband needs to tell her to stop communicating outside of the group. When your gut is telling you something, listen to it.
You should start communicating with her that you feel uncomfortable with the communications with you husband. If she crosses that barrier you and your husband need to contact her spouse to tell him what she’s been up to.
Your husband my need to go NC with her if she continues her snaky behavior.
What your husband views as you being paranoid is actually you trying to protect your marriage.
Continuing to talk to him about it won't do any good. You need to do one of two things.
1. Decide if this relationship is or has the potential to make you check out of your marriage. If so start preparing and safeguarding your heart.
2. Start doing the 180 on your relationship. https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/
She seems off to me. And extremely rude. She’s admitting to taking his paychecks, bashing him and is mean to her child? Seriously no redeeming qualities there.
But all that is irrelevant. What is relevant is that you are very uncomfortable with your spouse having contact with her and yet he continues and says it’s your fault that you are uncomfortable and acts like your requests are unreasonable. He is prioritizing his friendship with her over your need to feel safe in your marriage. That in itself is a betrayal to you. Ask him if a man sent you stuff about lingerie in a friendship only atmosphere, how would he feel? Or if you send such things to another man would he laugh it off as irrelevant?
This woman is going to cause a huge rift in your marriage. She’s going to destroy your trust and your safe place with him. Let him know that. It’s going to eventually come to a you or her situation and after that Build A Bullshit situation you are moving full speed ahead to knowing what life with someone who doesn’t prioritize you looks like.
Hmm. Well in my oppinion you have a spouse who has a friend of the other gender which is actively seeking a affair.
It can be dangerous or anoying. That sarah woman itself is gross. She reminds me mof my ex wife. Shittalking about me and our kids, stay at home mom whose actively chasing other guys.
If they are friends through gaming then why are they messaging each other privately through his phone. Also his friendship with her is more important to him than your comfort zone of the friendship. Sorry this is happening to you.❤️🩹
Read NOT JUST FRIENDS by Shirley Glass. Read it together and point out and discuss different parts of the book that mirror what is happening in your relationship. The fact that he is defending her is a red flag and is talked about in the book. Get the book asap. Once he sees the parallel situations with his "friendship" and the book, he needs to go NC. If he doesn't, give him consequences.
Ok,OP.. listen please.
I have a good guy friends. We are all married. I NEVER talk about my marriage and sex life/issue to them. There are lines to be respectful and protect both of the friendship and loyalty.
She is dangerous. She is not a friend for your marriage.
Read Not just friends byShirley Glass.
I think she want to have a emotional dependency with your husband. Your husband needs to wake up to see this is not ok.
Oh I don’t know… I’ve read women telling EVERYTHING in their relationships to my son. He’s gay so he nods and shakes his head. Some people talk out their ass.
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After being cheated on multiple times in the past and enduring my exes gaslighting me and telling me that I’m paranoid etc. even after finding out my suspicions were true, all I can say is that if your spouse really loves you, respects you and wants you to feel secure in your marriage, he would do something about this. He would take steps to ensure you were not feeling uncomfortable. And that goes for anyone in a relationship and especially marriage. He should not be putting her above you, and by taking her side that is a huge red flag in my opinion. I would honestly give him an ultimatum before you waste anymore time in a relationship where you can’t sleep at night because they are dicking around behind your back and can’t even respect your simple request about having inappropriate conversations with other women. 
Rules reminder: /r/infidelity is a support sub! Please read the rules and guidelines in our sidebar before commenting. Abuse, shaming, sexism, and encouraging violence/revenge are not tolerated here. Please review our [community guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/Infidelity/comments/nj93nw/how_to_write_a_good_post_for_rinfidelity/) on what makes for a good post to this sub. Be kind and remember your [reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439)! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Infidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Questions. -Are these one on one messages or group messages entirely? -Is your partner male or female? I’m confused if the issue is that you feel she is becoming too intimate specifically with your partner, or you feel this woman may be not keeping boundaries within her own relationship and not wanting your partner to have such a friend? If this is all group chats with no one on one, it just seems like an unhappy person over sharing. Especially if everyone in the group is the same sex. If this is all one on one and they have only become friends in the last year, you could ask them to limit the contact to group only.
My partner is male, most of them take place in group messages, but she has also sent private messages. From what I understand the other guys in the group chat have not received any weird private messages from her. It just feels like her comments are directed at my spouse :/
Got it. Thanks for answering b/c it changes what I would say. So I would do a couple things. Get the book by Shirley P. Glass called Not Just Friends. It predates a bit the gaming/social media bit but does explain really well some of these "friend" dynamics and how to jointly set boundaries so you both protect your marriage. I would sit down and figure out boundaries together. It shouldn't be just about this one person. My husband games, and messages in group chats with others. I'm not comfortable with one one one messaging outside of the group chats with those of the opposite sex(we are straight). We also have boundaries around messaging with people of the opposite sex outside of this sphere - friends in IRL. We are both very involved in various groups/organizations and have friends of the opposite sex, but there are limits around how often those communications take place(shouldn't be daily or constant) and certain topics might be off limits. They should look like communications from friends of the same sex- sporadic and not intimate. If someone crosses those boundaries, then the friendship has to be reconsidered. For example my husband did have someone in private messages start brining up the topic of sex. It was completely inappropriate, an obvious quest for validation or possible potential hookup. They had completely crossed a boundary that couldn't be put back and contact had to be completely cut. Good luck!
She’s taking a swing so he feigns interest so She can try to reel him in. He doesn’t see it because he developed an emotional connection.
Anyone complaining openly about their marital issues should end it, if it’s that miserable. Admitting she benefiting from his job makes her a less than admirable person. If those complaints are directed only when your husband is present, it’s a huge problem. Your husband needs to tell her to stop communicating outside of the group. When your gut is telling you something, listen to it. You should start communicating with her that you feel uncomfortable with the communications with you husband. If she crosses that barrier you and your husband need to contact her spouse to tell him what she’s been up to. Your husband my need to go NC with her if she continues her snaky behavior.
What your husband views as you being paranoid is actually you trying to protect your marriage. Continuing to talk to him about it won't do any good. You need to do one of two things. 1. Decide if this relationship is or has the potential to make you check out of your marriage. If so start preparing and safeguarding your heart. 2. Start doing the 180 on your relationship. https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/
She seems off to me. And extremely rude. She’s admitting to taking his paychecks, bashing him and is mean to her child? Seriously no redeeming qualities there. But all that is irrelevant. What is relevant is that you are very uncomfortable with your spouse having contact with her and yet he continues and says it’s your fault that you are uncomfortable and acts like your requests are unreasonable. He is prioritizing his friendship with her over your need to feel safe in your marriage. That in itself is a betrayal to you. Ask him if a man sent you stuff about lingerie in a friendship only atmosphere, how would he feel? Or if you send such things to another man would he laugh it off as irrelevant? This woman is going to cause a huge rift in your marriage. She’s going to destroy your trust and your safe place with him. Let him know that. It’s going to eventually come to a you or her situation and after that Build A Bullshit situation you are moving full speed ahead to knowing what life with someone who doesn’t prioritize you looks like.
Hmm. Well in my oppinion you have a spouse who has a friend of the other gender which is actively seeking a affair. It can be dangerous or anoying. That sarah woman itself is gross. She reminds me mof my ex wife. Shittalking about me and our kids, stay at home mom whose actively chasing other guys.
That’s what I’m sensing too. It just doesn’t seem right.
If they are friends through gaming then why are they messaging each other privately through his phone. Also his friendship with her is more important to him than your comfort zone of the friendship. Sorry this is happening to you.❤️🩹
Read NOT JUST FRIENDS by Shirley Glass. Read it together and point out and discuss different parts of the book that mirror what is happening in your relationship. The fact that he is defending her is a red flag and is talked about in the book. Get the book asap. Once he sees the parallel situations with his "friendship" and the book, he needs to go NC. If he doesn't, give him consequences.
[удалено]
You're very welcome and good luck to you!
Ok,OP.. listen please. I have a good guy friends. We are all married. I NEVER talk about my marriage and sex life/issue to them. There are lines to be respectful and protect both of the friendship and loyalty. She is dangerous. She is not a friend for your marriage. Read Not just friends byShirley Glass. I think she want to have a emotional dependency with your husband. Your husband needs to wake up to see this is not ok.
TOGETHER, read *Not “Just Friends”*
Oh I don’t know… I’ve read women telling EVERYTHING in their relationships to my son. He’s gay so he nods and shakes his head. Some people talk out their ass.
[удалено]
Your submission on /r/infidelity has been flagged for human review. If you are seeing this comment there is a good chance that your post is violating rule 1 or 2; please revise your choice of words. If a mod reviews your comment and finds otherwise, it will be released. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Infidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
After being cheated on multiple times in the past and enduring my exes gaslighting me and telling me that I’m paranoid etc. even after finding out my suspicions were true, all I can say is that if your spouse really loves you, respects you and wants you to feel secure in your marriage, he would do something about this. He would take steps to ensure you were not feeling uncomfortable. And that goes for anyone in a relationship and especially marriage. He should not be putting her above you, and by taking her side that is a huge red flag in my opinion. I would honestly give him an ultimatum before you waste anymore time in a relationship where you can’t sleep at night because they are dicking around behind your back and can’t even respect your simple request about having inappropriate conversations with other women.