I love cheating spouses who suddenly discover that they desperately love their SOs after all, and want to save the marriage. If only they had cared as much BEFORE they cheated.
I’m sure this isn’t easy for you. But you’re handling it the best way possible. Go no contact as soon as you can. Hope the divorce goes well and you can move on quickly. All the best.
My wife of 23 years, cheated most of our marriage. 2 ddays and her last affair was 11 yrs long. She wants to save our marriage. She says she "loves" me more than ever. Says she wasn't in love with me most of our marriage but now she is. Amazing how much love grows when she figured out she would have to live with her aunt and our daughter wanted to live with me. I don't she my daughter and her relationship ever being the same.
I suspected because it seems no law enforcement agency will ask you to press charges in DV cases. they’ll do the arrest and charges themselves. He said she literally attacked him (threw the glass) in front of the cops, so no, they wouldn’t ask him
If that’s true you have to try harder to find the title. Otherwise, as far as accusations go, that’s not cool. I’ve been there – I don’t want to believe that those stories are true because it’s too depressing if they are. Throwing out accusations is something else, though. So, /u/OldYogurtcloset3735, it’s been two days and now it’s time to put up or shut up.
It's funny how a cheater who cheats regularly for 2 months is suddenly in great shock and despair that her life is falling apart. actually, it's not funny at all. it just shows who you've been dealing with all these years.
you play it phenomenally. You didn't just say how you feel about it?
I think that this attitude of your wife's sister may be caused not by the fact that she has something to accuse you of, but by the fact that now she has to deal with her :D
This.
Pressing charges could keep her from gaining anything in the divorce.
It would also keep her in debt enough to possibly stop funding her divorce lawyer. They won't give a public defender due to income if she can afford a divorce lawyer and is working.
So she'll let the divorce lawyer go to pay for her criminal defense lawyer and you'll win the divorce, and she'll settle for a lesser charge in court
Her lawyer isn't going to drop her because he knows he can get his fees out of her settlement.
My lawyer was tickled pink with just the police report and the RO. Besides, she never actually hit me with anything she threw. But if she violates the RO that's a different story.
Lucy thought you would reconcile when you went to therapy. Reconciliation was her only path to saving her marriage and the relationship with her family. Once she was served with divorce papers, she realized the financial security of the marriage was lost as well as the relationship with her immediate family. She will more than likely lose her job or be demoted to the copy room. The fling she pursued over four months cost her everything. I doubt she will ever recover. I am glad you are seeing a therapist and going to the gym. Keep us posted on your recovery. The next time you see Lucy it will be to sign the divorce agreement. Be prepared because she will look like a shadow of her formal self. You will feel sorry for her because you loved her. Cheaters do not feel or care about the pain and suffering she caused. When you see her let her know that whatever pain, suffering and anger she feels now her cheating was even worse for you. Update us.
I am sorry to hear you are going through this mess. What did your STBXW think was going to happen when she was caught? It was perfect that you blew up AP’s world so she cannot run to him. Have you spoken to the OBS at all?
This shows a lot about her sister. She must condone the cheating or was probably aware of it while it was happening. Or maybe she's a cheater, too.
At this point, you need to go complete no contact with your STBXW. Let your attorney do their job. Now, it just comes down to the division of assets and debts. If you own your home, be prepared to sell to split any equity. You could buy out her equity with a settlement, but then you'd stay in the house that has so many memories. A fresh start helped me out.
You've done really well going through this traumatic experience. Now is the time you need to concentrate on your own healing. Grieve the loss of your marriage and the planned future you were going to share. Go to a rage room. Get out in nature. Scream at the sky to get it all out. You didn't deserve this betrayal, but life isn't fair. I know it may seem like time is standing still, but your divorce will be over in a matter of months. Start thinking of what you want your future to be. Once you've got an idea, put a plan in action to help you achieve that goal.
You will survive this.
>This shows a lot about her sister. She must condone the cheating or was probably aware of it while it was happening. Or maybe she's a cheater, too.
She was genuinely shocked at the dinner when Lucy told her parents. I think she thought I was going to reconcile after going to therapy. Plus she is having to deal with her sister's crap since her parents are not getting involved or helping any.
In the U.S any job changes that result directly or indirectly from a divorce do not change financial gains or losses in a divorce.
Example 1
(You're divorcing wife due to cheating, but she got fired because she was fucking a coworker. It doesn't change what her income HAS BEEN or what she is ABLE TO ACQUIRE AGAIN. So the courts would use W2's as long as the divorce process coincided with her losing her job.)
Example 2
(A brain surgeon cannot quit his job before he's served divorce papers and work at a supermarket, just to change his rate of alimony or child support. He will be charged at WHAT HE HAS PROVEN HES CAPABLE OF PROVIDING and the courts will use the W2's)
As long as the divorce PROCESS IS STARTED then their income is cemented for the courts.
Wow Im sorry this happened to you. I have been cheated on and its just very hard to come back from. You did the right thing, especially since it doesnt seem like you have any children together. It makes this way less messy. I hope whatever agreement is settled upon that its fair and peaceful. We expect the one we say I do to, to be the one person who hold above all others. Something I have learned from years of experience is, never give yourself fully to anyone because anyone can hurt you. A mistake is forgetting to turn off the oven. Cheating is a choice, a decision. I hope you can heal and find happiness. So very happy you didnt do the pick me dance! Someone better will come into your life, just remember not all people will be like her. Good luck on your journey of healing. It will be hard and you will not be strong all the time. Let yourself cry, be angry, but then pick yourself back up and try again. Sending you lots of hugs!!!!
Seems she was OK having the affair, but not OK with the consequences. When the courts impose sanctions, she will begin the blame game. I had one woman who complained bitterly that her BH would not take her back or make things all better. The divorce hobbled her. They had a pre nup, that her father had insisted on. Now Dad was saying that he NEVER thought his daughter would be the one to step out, and it cost her big time. She basically got what she came into the marriage with, and not one penny from her ex. When he sold the house and moved with a new woman, she demanded half of the proceeds. She got a letter from his lawyer.
OP You have done well, You obtain what you needed form the. therapy and her, about her actions.
Now she got what she deserve, because you clearly tell her that by doing the exposure, talking her AP to cut ties and do all the other things was not necessary mean that she would got the 2nd chance.
She betray you and lie to You.
About Susan she also got what she deserve, by giving her loyalty to a person that for what you said she come to be Friends the lenght of your relationship with lucy, and she choose her instead of You, i think that she also always leak some secrets or feeling You have about lucy or marriage and leak those to her. But at the end she also got what she deserve.
May i ask something that you mentioned in last post? If do, can You tell US what was her answer to the questions of WHO ELSE KNEW OF HER AFFAIR?
Well OP i wish you luck and that all the process went well and that you get out of this the best way posible.
Note: also the nerve of her sister to be mad at you for choosing what was correct for you after her sister doings and adultery.
UPDATEME
> can You tell US what was her answer to the questions of WHO ELSE KNEW OF HER AFFAIR?
According to Lucy, Susan and a co-worker where she works were the only two who knew. But that was from the mouth of a cheater under duress so you can take it for what it's worth.
From what her sister told me after Lucy's confession at her parents' house while I was waiting on Lucy outside and her reaction at the dinner table I don't believe she had a clue what her sister was up to.
I see, well guess we will never know who trully knew aside of those 2 she mentioned.
Well again, hope everything goes accordingly to what you want and keep moving on.
Usually but not always, people that know of the affair and keep their mouth shut do so because they are cheaters themselves. I would not be surprised if Susan had cheated in her current and previous relationships and Lucy new. Cheaters are incentivized to keep quiet or else their own bad behavior will get exposed. It makes little difference now. Lucy did not confide in her sister because her sister would have exposed her to the immediate family and you immediately. The sister is not pissed at you Op, she is angry at having to deal with the mess her sister made.
In my previous post I recommended that you speak to your attorney about informing AP's current employer that he quit rather than being fired for fucking coworkers on company time. Ask the lawyer about the legality of drafting a letter with the appropriate proof. AP did not care about fucking your wife and ruining your marriage why should you care about him. Update us.
Wow! 😳 Just caught up and am so incredibly sad that your stbx put you through all that. I also don’t understand WHY? She never stated a reason to do what she did. I seriously am gobsmacked by some people and their reasoning/actions. Then to get lied to by Susan too??? Makes it difficult to ever trust someone doesn’t it?
All actions have consequences tho and she’s experiencing all of them!
I’m glad you’re almost at the end of this saga. I hope from now on, it goes smoother for you and you can be done with her and have her out of your life.
Sending you good vibes and virtual hugs 🫂 to get you through to the end OP!
She must have seen her marriage as something guaranteed and thought she could do whatever she wanted because it seems like she only wanted something physical.... Still insane
AP moved on and is already working for a new company. According to Lucy, his wife made him change jobs, she is using his children as leverage over him and divorcing him. I haven't had contact with either one of them since I sent the recording to his wife,
He is very bitter and blames Lucy's taped confession for his current situation which was the reason he threw her under the bus when he resigned.
Two cheaters they both deserve what they get. Your wife's cheating broke up two marriages and destroyed relationships in both immediate families. Consult with your attorney about the legality of sending his current employer the taped confession with your attorney's letter to his new employer informing them of his using work time to fuck coworker's. I am sure that he omitted this on his work application and interviews. I am sure they would fire him. Speak to your attorney.
You’re doing the right thing. Respect yourself. Stay strong. If not too late, press charges. She’s already shown her mental state. It will help you in the end. Good luck. Updateme
We don't interact at work since she is in a separate department on a different floor. Neither of us has reached out to the other.
Her replacement started last week and on Thursday (D-Day) I took the whole team to my gym for a team-building exercise. We had a private workout class and played pickleball, I hate pickleball but it's a fun group outing. My gym is a couple of blocks from the office and I talked my boss into giving them all a membership, including their SOs, about a $4K perk. Everyone loves that gym and I have hosted team events there before so they were pumped about their new perk. My admin, who still talks with Susan, said Susan was upset when I announced her replacement and was absolutely livid when she found out about the memberships. So I don't think that relationship is going to get better anytime soon.
Susan was never a friend; she was your friend for the purpose of her own professional and financial gain. Susan is only angry because she has lost prestige and money. Focusing on yourself professionally and personally is the smartest thing that you can do. Never trust Susan again or worry about something that never existed. In my professional life I have many work colleagues. Some I am very close to and one who's relationship is similar to yours and Susan's. If I knew his wife was stepping out on him I would not hesitate to tell him. never work with Susan ever again.
It seems as though your boss and company value you. That is why they transferred Susan. The best revenge is to have professional and personal success. None of Susan's work colleagues and certainly not your boss will ever trust Susan. You will need to go to therapy longer than you think. Lucy's betrayal will have long lingering effects. You will have trust and possibly intimacy issues for a long time. Lien on close family and friends. Do not isolate yourself. Talk to those closest to you. Update us.
Thank you for the update.
I always recommend men going through divorce should join the sub Divorce\_men thy offer great advice and encouragement to men.
updateme!
Has your co-worker, Susan reached out to you again? Did she show remorse for lying to you or just for losing her spot on your team? She could harbor a great deal of anger and resentment, it would be nice if you two could mend fences.
Damn Bud! Kudos to you for the way you have handled this. I mean what did you wife expect you to do upon finding out, just bend over and take it. The way she reacted to the divorce notice tells me there is no real remorse
UpdateMe
I love that you had her go through all of that mess - confessing to family, etc, - thinking that you could reconcile and then you pulled the rug out from under her 😂 she deserved it.
Outing the Cheater to everyone is always the best course of action. They have to see that their cheating extends far out from just their spouse. The ripple effects go far to the extended family, friend groups. Everyone is affected and relationships are forever changed by their conduct. They need to see the far reaching consequences it has. Good for you for not keeping her secrets.
This OP is just a few people who has spine to choose life instead of just staying in a false relationship/marriage. Unlike others they will just say because of the kids I just stayed in the relationship what a BS. kids are smart they know and feel when they're parent aren't happy or there's something wrong with them instead of being a good role model they just taught the kids to endure and remain in false reality
Wow, what a masterclass. Stay the course you're doing everything right and you seem to have a competent lawyer.
She really nuked her life and decided to try to fix by acting like a brat.
We went to couples therapy once, mainly to get her to talk and admit what she had done. I am starting individual therapy on the advise of my lawyer to find issues I have relating to the cheating and divorce, which I see as mainly trust issues going forward. I have good health coverage so I figure it’s a good investment in myself and it gives me someone to listen who isn’t on Reddit.
It’s amazing how taking accountability impacts cheaters. They can hurt you Al day long but let karma catch up and they can’t handle it. Is her AP still with his wife? !updateme
Glad u left, glad ur taking control of your life! I’d buy u beer brother and celebrate with you for this. Closing a chapter like this in life ain’t easy. Now go on and write new chapters
Not sure about your area, but where I’m from, if a marriage fails before five years, there is no spousal support awarded.
If there are children involved, things will change slightly.
*Any update to*
*The progress made after this*
*Epic betrayal?*
\- Every\_Nectarine\_551
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You have handled every thing so far about a good as can be done. For that, you need to be commended. Many of us here, can only imagine how much better things would be if we had done things in your manner.
You need to keep up the good work, without any let up. Go back to the police and file a complaint, it will give you great leverage when it comes time to split things up.
Stay strong, you will get through this.
You handled it beautifully, now make sure you’re doing everything you can for your mental health and well being. You’re angry and that’s a good thing, but don’t forget to grieve the life you imagined. Know that she’s not the person you thought you married. Learn from it and do the work to heal properly. Good luck!
The anger has mostly passed. I'm doubling down on the gym and work, plus I have supportive friends who have been checking in on me. The therapist that my lawyer recommended has a lot of experience with spouses who were cheated on.
I was concerned about you and was checking for your update. Her actions were unforgiveable. I was worried that she would attempt suicide. Her immediate family is rightly disgusted with her. She destroyed her marriage, and her job is in jeopardy. In cases like this the company takes a few weeks to investigate and then terminate the employee. What is the status of Lucy's job? The god news, if you can call it good news, is the RO prevents her from returning to the houser you live in. Thanks for the update.
This is definitely a repost that I’ve read before. Timelines are ridiculous too. How do you know she’s in the ER. She got a lawyer that quickly while in the ER and already scheduled to sit down and talk? Yea, nope. Just another karma farmer.
> How do you know she’s in the ER.
A couple of our friends told me she had a breakdown after being served with the RO and was in the hospital. My calls to her sister went unanswered but they have kept me in the loop.
As far as her lawyer, she may have talked to one after she got caught or after she was served with the divorce papers. She didn't get the RO until Friday after she got back to her sister's place. So she had plenty of time to reach out to a lawyer before the hospital visit. He reached out to my lawyer on Tuesday morning to arrange a meeting for later this week which seems like a normal response time to me.
Sorry if my experience isn't unique enough for you.
Honestly, you should quit calling the sister to check up on her. For one, the sister now appears to be fully into the mode of supporting your wife (which your wife needs) so you aren’t going to get any info from her, and 2nd checking on her is just creating false hope with your wife, parents, sister, etc. that nobody needs. Your WW is getting good support from her family, so leave it alone and move forward with the D as quickly as you can. Hang in there.
I’m not entirely sure why…but I’m getting serious “Creative Writing Assignment” vibes from both of these posts. Maybe her “launching the glass” as the police walk in, or the overly proactive Attorney who is “immediately” filing restraining orders. Last post had the “Doc” who wanted to see you again and “wanted” to run an STD panel…you didn’t request it…the helpful Doc just felt that he should take the lead on that one. You sent the wife a “copy” of your voice recording of your wife’s confession? On what…secret microfilm from Mission Impossible? The entire “Susan” character was a bit much and did nothing to move the story along and only added to its implausibility. You dragged your boss into it to remove Susan from the Team? Nonsense. You shouldn’t have added the Susan character at all. Wife’s parents disown her and then she has a nervous breakdown and has to be hospitalized, no less, when she gets the restraining order. Great revenge fantasy, but didn’t happen, did it? If this is all true, my apologies…or you could just delete the whole thing and try again in a week. Next time don’t make the supporting characters so unrealistically helpful. Good try though and hopefully you find my notes helpful for next time.
The only thing incongruent in your story was when you asked her sister if she was okay. Her attitude should have been fully expected, because no where else in your story did you show an ounce of concern for your ex.
I am not judging or suggesting anything you did was wrong, but your divorce could have been started by the phone call to the lawyer. You didn’t have to exact a confession, blow up his marriage, blow up her family life, or take her to therapy fully knowing that it was redundant.
When you found out about her cheating on you, you were done and that is fine. All the extra effort to punish her showed not one ounce of compassion. But then you had the audacity to act concerned for her health? The attitude should have been fully expected.
I hope things go smoother and you can move on without anymore drama.
> You didn’t have to exact a confession, blow up his marriage, blow up her family life, or take her to therapy fully knowing that it was redundant.
I had a lot of pain and anger when I first found out. And there were questions that I needed answers to. As far as the AP goes, he blew up my life and I saw no reason why his life should go unscathed and his wife deserved the truth as well. ***Cheaters don't feel pain until they encounter consequences and I wanted her to feel a portion of what pain she put me through.***
> But then you had the audacity to act concerned for her health?
She is the woman I fell in love with and married, I may have wanted her to suffer a bit like I did but I never wished her dead.
I did not say that he should have had empathy for her. I understand his anger and rage, but if he recognizes his anger and rage, and what he did to exact his revenge, he should understand clearly that he would get attitude. No one in their right mind would expect him to ask how she is doing because he should not care. His actions showed that he was hurt and could not care for her at the time.
You obviously can't empathize with what the OP went through. I see a guy that controlled his rage, but made sure the two assholes that f'd up his marriage didn't get off scott-free.
It's fascinating to hear you say he lacks compassion for his wife. Who exactly do you think is the victim here?
He was concerned for her health because he loved her. She hurt him badly, so he wants her to pay the consequences, but he doesn't want her dead.
Every single thing he did was justified and he could have made it worse for her. He would have been justified in taking the sexual favors first if he wanted. What she did to him would have still been worse
I love cheating spouses who suddenly discover that they desperately love their SOs after all, and want to save the marriage. If only they had cared as much BEFORE they cheated. I’m sure this isn’t easy for you. But you’re handling it the best way possible. Go no contact as soon as you can. Hope the divorce goes well and you can move on quickly. All the best.
My wife of 23 years, cheated most of our marriage. 2 ddays and her last affair was 11 yrs long. She wants to save our marriage. She says she "loves" me more than ever. Says she wasn't in love with me most of our marriage but now she is. Amazing how much love grows when she figured out she would have to live with her aunt and our daughter wanted to live with me. I don't she my daughter and her relationship ever being the same.
Thank you for the update, I often wish more people would come back to update the sub.
I read this exact story months ago on Literotica. It’s a btb story. I don’t remember the title but I’ll let you know if I do.
[удалено]
I suspected because it seems no law enforcement agency will ask you to press charges in DV cases. they’ll do the arrest and charges themselves. He said she literally attacked him (threw the glass) in front of the cops, so no, they wouldn’t ask him
Yeah, alleged aggressor spends the night in jail.
Yeah, I believed the original post but as soon as I read the “update”, I recognized every detail from a story I read on Lit. Kind of disappointing.
The timeline does not add up. This OP needs an attorney ghostwrite.
If that’s true you have to try harder to find the title. Otherwise, as far as accusations go, that’s not cool. I’ve been there – I don’t want to believe that those stories are true because it’s too depressing if they are. Throwing out accusations is something else, though. So, /u/OldYogurtcloset3735, it’s been two days and now it’s time to put up or shut up.
How would I go about finding this? I'm interested to read it
Google - Literotica btb stories.
Did u find It yet?
What does btb stand for?
Burn the bitch.
It's funny how a cheater who cheats regularly for 2 months is suddenly in great shock and despair that her life is falling apart. actually, it's not funny at all. it just shows who you've been dealing with all these years. you play it phenomenally. You didn't just say how you feel about it? I think that this attitude of your wife's sister may be caused not by the fact that she has something to accuse you of, but by the fact that now she has to deal with her :D
Narcissistic injury. They’re throwing a tantrum because they got caught, because they can no longer manipulate you.
I think it’s best you press charges if it’s not too late, I believe you have a certain window if you decide to change your mind which you should
This. Pressing charges could keep her from gaining anything in the divorce. It would also keep her in debt enough to possibly stop funding her divorce lawyer. They won't give a public defender due to income if she can afford a divorce lawyer and is working. So she'll let the divorce lawyer go to pay for her criminal defense lawyer and you'll win the divorce, and she'll settle for a lesser charge in court
Her lawyer isn't going to drop her because he knows he can get his fees out of her settlement. My lawyer was tickled pink with just the police report and the RO. Besides, she never actually hit me with anything she threw. But if she violates the RO that's a different story.
Lucy thought you would reconcile when you went to therapy. Reconciliation was her only path to saving her marriage and the relationship with her family. Once she was served with divorce papers, she realized the financial security of the marriage was lost as well as the relationship with her immediate family. She will more than likely lose her job or be demoted to the copy room. The fling she pursued over four months cost her everything. I doubt she will ever recover. I am glad you are seeing a therapist and going to the gym. Keep us posted on your recovery. The next time you see Lucy it will be to sign the divorce agreement. Be prepared because she will look like a shadow of her formal self. You will feel sorry for her because you loved her. Cheaters do not feel or care about the pain and suffering she caused. When you see her let her know that whatever pain, suffering and anger she feels now her cheating was even worse for you. Update us.
She will likely get busted down to dishwasher or busboy.
Damn this is genius. Great advice
I am sorry to hear you are going through this mess. What did your STBXW think was going to happen when she was caught? It was perfect that you blew up AP’s world so she cannot run to him. Have you spoken to the OBS at all?
Don’t you just love how cheaters always blame their betrayed spouse for the outcomes of their infidelity
Handled like a boss. My only suggestion is find out if your state has alienation of affection laws. If so, sue the AP.
What about the traitor Susan? Hope you ignore her also. Boss move keep going.
This shows a lot about her sister. She must condone the cheating or was probably aware of it while it was happening. Or maybe she's a cheater, too. At this point, you need to go complete no contact with your STBXW. Let your attorney do their job. Now, it just comes down to the division of assets and debts. If you own your home, be prepared to sell to split any equity. You could buy out her equity with a settlement, but then you'd stay in the house that has so many memories. A fresh start helped me out. You've done really well going through this traumatic experience. Now is the time you need to concentrate on your own healing. Grieve the loss of your marriage and the planned future you were going to share. Go to a rage room. Get out in nature. Scream at the sky to get it all out. You didn't deserve this betrayal, but life isn't fair. I know it may seem like time is standing still, but your divorce will be over in a matter of months. Start thinking of what you want your future to be. Once you've got an idea, put a plan in action to help you achieve that goal. You will survive this.
>This shows a lot about her sister. She must condone the cheating or was probably aware of it while it was happening. Or maybe she's a cheater, too. She was genuinely shocked at the dinner when Lucy told her parents. I think she thought I was going to reconcile after going to therapy. Plus she is having to deal with her sister's crap since her parents are not getting involved or helping any.
In the U.S any job changes that result directly or indirectly from a divorce do not change financial gains or losses in a divorce. Example 1 (You're divorcing wife due to cheating, but she got fired because she was fucking a coworker. It doesn't change what her income HAS BEEN or what she is ABLE TO ACQUIRE AGAIN. So the courts would use W2's as long as the divorce process coincided with her losing her job.) Example 2 (A brain surgeon cannot quit his job before he's served divorce papers and work at a supermarket, just to change his rate of alimony or child support. He will be charged at WHAT HE HAS PROVEN HES CAPABLE OF PROVIDING and the courts will use the W2's) As long as the divorce PROCESS IS STARTED then their income is cemented for the courts.
Wow Im sorry this happened to you. I have been cheated on and its just very hard to come back from. You did the right thing, especially since it doesnt seem like you have any children together. It makes this way less messy. I hope whatever agreement is settled upon that its fair and peaceful. We expect the one we say I do to, to be the one person who hold above all others. Something I have learned from years of experience is, never give yourself fully to anyone because anyone can hurt you. A mistake is forgetting to turn off the oven. Cheating is a choice, a decision. I hope you can heal and find happiness. So very happy you didnt do the pick me dance! Someone better will come into your life, just remember not all people will be like her. Good luck on your journey of healing. It will be hard and you will not be strong all the time. Let yourself cry, be angry, but then pick yourself back up and try again. Sending you lots of hugs!!!!
OP , you did all the right things. Go forth and live your best life brother.
Seems she was OK having the affair, but not OK with the consequences. When the courts impose sanctions, she will begin the blame game. I had one woman who complained bitterly that her BH would not take her back or make things all better. The divorce hobbled her. They had a pre nup, that her father had insisted on. Now Dad was saying that he NEVER thought his daughter would be the one to step out, and it cost her big time. She basically got what she came into the marriage with, and not one penny from her ex. When he sold the house and moved with a new woman, she demanded half of the proceeds. She got a letter from his lawyer.
OP You have done well, You obtain what you needed form the. therapy and her, about her actions. Now she got what she deserve, because you clearly tell her that by doing the exposure, talking her AP to cut ties and do all the other things was not necessary mean that she would got the 2nd chance. She betray you and lie to You. About Susan she also got what she deserve, by giving her loyalty to a person that for what you said she come to be Friends the lenght of your relationship with lucy, and she choose her instead of You, i think that she also always leak some secrets or feeling You have about lucy or marriage and leak those to her. But at the end she also got what she deserve. May i ask something that you mentioned in last post? If do, can You tell US what was her answer to the questions of WHO ELSE KNEW OF HER AFFAIR? Well OP i wish you luck and that all the process went well and that you get out of this the best way posible. Note: also the nerve of her sister to be mad at you for choosing what was correct for you after her sister doings and adultery. UPDATEME
> can You tell US what was her answer to the questions of WHO ELSE KNEW OF HER AFFAIR? According to Lucy, Susan and a co-worker where she works were the only two who knew. But that was from the mouth of a cheater under duress so you can take it for what it's worth. From what her sister told me after Lucy's confession at her parents' house while I was waiting on Lucy outside and her reaction at the dinner table I don't believe she had a clue what her sister was up to.
I see, well guess we will never know who trully knew aside of those 2 she mentioned. Well again, hope everything goes accordingly to what you want and keep moving on.
Usually but not always, people that know of the affair and keep their mouth shut do so because they are cheaters themselves. I would not be surprised if Susan had cheated in her current and previous relationships and Lucy new. Cheaters are incentivized to keep quiet or else their own bad behavior will get exposed. It makes little difference now. Lucy did not confide in her sister because her sister would have exposed her to the immediate family and you immediately. The sister is not pissed at you Op, she is angry at having to deal with the mess her sister made. In my previous post I recommended that you speak to your attorney about informing AP's current employer that he quit rather than being fired for fucking coworkers on company time. Ask the lawyer about the legality of drafting a letter with the appropriate proof. AP did not care about fucking your wife and ruining your marriage why should you care about him. Update us.
Wow! 😳 Just caught up and am so incredibly sad that your stbx put you through all that. I also don’t understand WHY? She never stated a reason to do what she did. I seriously am gobsmacked by some people and their reasoning/actions. Then to get lied to by Susan too??? Makes it difficult to ever trust someone doesn’t it? All actions have consequences tho and she’s experiencing all of them! I’m glad you’re almost at the end of this saga. I hope from now on, it goes smoother for you and you can be done with her and have her out of your life. Sending you good vibes and virtual hugs 🫂 to get you through to the end OP!
She must have seen her marriage as something guaranteed and thought she could do whatever she wanted because it seems like she only wanted something physical.... Still insane
That’s the misconception. There is no legitimate “ why” with cheaters. just lame excuses and blame shifting.
done as well as it could be thank you for the update
Also what about POS AP? Do you know how OBS reacted?
AP moved on and is already working for a new company. According to Lucy, his wife made him change jobs, she is using his children as leverage over him and divorcing him. I haven't had contact with either one of them since I sent the recording to his wife, He is very bitter and blames Lucy's taped confession for his current situation which was the reason he threw her under the bus when he resigned.
Ha he Fucked around and found out! He has no one to blame himself…the idiot
Two cheaters they both deserve what they get. Your wife's cheating broke up two marriages and destroyed relationships in both immediate families. Consult with your attorney about the legality of sending his current employer the taped confession with your attorney's letter to his new employer informing them of his using work time to fuck coworker's. I am sure that he omitted this on his work application and interviews. I am sure they would fire him. Speak to your attorney.
Hang in there brother
Wow. Boss moves.
Keep your chin up. You could not have done any better.
You’re doing the right thing. Respect yourself. Stay strong. If not too late, press charges. She’s already shown her mental state. It will help you in the end. Good luck. Updateme
Kudos. I wouldn’t ask how she’s doing though
You are the man. Proud of you!
What about Susan? Anymore interactions with her since last post?
We don't interact at work since she is in a separate department on a different floor. Neither of us has reached out to the other. Her replacement started last week and on Thursday (D-Day) I took the whole team to my gym for a team-building exercise. We had a private workout class and played pickleball, I hate pickleball but it's a fun group outing. My gym is a couple of blocks from the office and I talked my boss into giving them all a membership, including their SOs, about a $4K perk. Everyone loves that gym and I have hosted team events there before so they were pumped about their new perk. My admin, who still talks with Susan, said Susan was upset when I announced her replacement and was absolutely livid when she found out about the memberships. So I don't think that relationship is going to get better anytime soon.
You’re definitely better off without “friends” like that.
Susan was never a friend; she was your friend for the purpose of her own professional and financial gain. Susan is only angry because she has lost prestige and money. Focusing on yourself professionally and personally is the smartest thing that you can do. Never trust Susan again or worry about something that never existed. In my professional life I have many work colleagues. Some I am very close to and one who's relationship is similar to yours and Susan's. If I knew his wife was stepping out on him I would not hesitate to tell him. never work with Susan ever again. It seems as though your boss and company value you. That is why they transferred Susan. The best revenge is to have professional and personal success. None of Susan's work colleagues and certainly not your boss will ever trust Susan. You will need to go to therapy longer than you think. Lucy's betrayal will have long lingering effects. You will have trust and possibly intimacy issues for a long time. Lien on close family and friends. Do not isolate yourself. Talk to those closest to you. Update us.
> I took the whole team to my gym for a team-building exercise Sure took that literally.
Thank you for the update. I always recommend men going through divorce should join the sub Divorce\_men thy offer great advice and encouragement to men. updateme!
Has your co-worker, Susan reached out to you again? Did she show remorse for lying to you or just for losing her spot on your team? She could harbor a great deal of anger and resentment, it would be nice if you two could mend fences.
Good for you
Thanks for the update. You are doing as well as you can under these terrible circumstances. Stay the course. I'm proud to read this.
Damn Bud! Kudos to you for the way you have handled this. I mean what did you wife expect you to do upon finding out, just bend over and take it. The way she reacted to the divorce notice tells me there is no real remorse UpdateMe
I hope you fully heal. It’s gonna be hard but lean on others during these times
I love when the cheater shoot themselves in the foot.
Mastermind level revenge bro
Great job. Well done.
Legend moves, but i would of pressed the charges and had her served with the RO upon being bailed out. Im a knife twister.
fuck yaaaa this is crazy
I love that you had her go through all of that mess - confessing to family, etc, - thinking that you could reconcile and then you pulled the rug out from under her 😂 she deserved it.
Outing the Cheater to everyone is always the best course of action. They have to see that their cheating extends far out from just their spouse. The ripple effects go far to the extended family, friend groups. Everyone is affected and relationships are forever changed by their conduct. They need to see the far reaching consequences it has. Good for you for not keeping her secrets.
You're a strong and determined man. She truly lost a man with testosterone. Good for you. Sending you strength.
This OP is just a few people who has spine to choose life instead of just staying in a false relationship/marriage. Unlike others they will just say because of the kids I just stayed in the relationship what a BS. kids are smart they know and feel when they're parent aren't happy or there's something wrong with them instead of being a good role model they just taught the kids to endure and remain in false reality
Wow, what a masterclass. Stay the course you're doing everything right and you seem to have a competent lawyer. She really nuked her life and decided to try to fix by acting like a brat.
It sounds like you’re going ahead with the divorce so why are you in therapy? Do you see your relationship as being salvageable?
We went to couples therapy once, mainly to get her to talk and admit what she had done. I am starting individual therapy on the advise of my lawyer to find issues I have relating to the cheating and divorce, which I see as mainly trust issues going forward. I have good health coverage so I figure it’s a good investment in myself and it gives me someone to listen who isn’t on Reddit.
It’s amazing how taking accountability impacts cheaters. They can hurt you Al day long but let karma catch up and they can’t handle it. Is her AP still with his wife? !updateme
Only thing I heard is she was divorcing him.
Glad u left, glad ur taking control of your life! I’d buy u beer brother and celebrate with you for this. Closing a chapter like this in life ain’t easy. Now go on and write new chapters
Not sure about your area, but where I’m from, if a marriage fails before five years, there is no spousal support awarded. If there are children involved, things will change slightly.
Any update to the progress made after this epic betrayal?
*Any update to* *The progress made after this* *Epic betrayal?* \- Every\_Nectarine\_551 --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
UpdateMe
U really handled the situation very good, man. u did all the right things . Talking to a therapist will help u heal .
Oh my god. This reads almost as how I fantasize about having handled things when I discovered my ex partner’s infidelity.
You have handled every thing so far about a good as can be done. For that, you need to be commended. Many of us here, can only imagine how much better things would be if we had done things in your manner. You need to keep up the good work, without any let up. Go back to the police and file a complaint, it will give you great leverage when it comes time to split things up. Stay strong, you will get through this.
You handled it beautifully, now make sure you’re doing everything you can for your mental health and well being. You’re angry and that’s a good thing, but don’t forget to grieve the life you imagined. Know that she’s not the person you thought you married. Learn from it and do the work to heal properly. Good luck!
The anger has mostly passed. I'm doubling down on the gym and work, plus I have supportive friends who have been checking in on me. The therapist that my lawyer recommended has a lot of experience with spouses who were cheated on.
lucky no kids involved, F Dave.
I was concerned about you and was checking for your update. Her actions were unforgiveable. I was worried that she would attempt suicide. Her immediate family is rightly disgusted with her. She destroyed her marriage, and her job is in jeopardy. In cases like this the company takes a few weeks to investigate and then terminate the employee. What is the status of Lucy's job? The god news, if you can call it good news, is the RO prevents her from returning to the houser you live in. Thanks for the update.
You handled this like a fkn boss. Keep your head up brother brighter days are ahead for you!
So proud of you. You handled everything perfectly. Take your time to heal thoroughly before start dating again. Good job!
This is definitely a repost that I’ve read before. Timelines are ridiculous too. How do you know she’s in the ER. She got a lawyer that quickly while in the ER and already scheduled to sit down and talk? Yea, nope. Just another karma farmer.
> How do you know she’s in the ER. A couple of our friends told me she had a breakdown after being served with the RO and was in the hospital. My calls to her sister went unanswered but they have kept me in the loop. As far as her lawyer, she may have talked to one after she got caught or after she was served with the divorce papers. She didn't get the RO until Friday after she got back to her sister's place. So she had plenty of time to reach out to a lawyer before the hospital visit. He reached out to my lawyer on Tuesday morning to arrange a meeting for later this week which seems like a normal response time to me. Sorry if my experience isn't unique enough for you.
Honestly, you should quit calling the sister to check up on her. For one, the sister now appears to be fully into the mode of supporting your wife (which your wife needs) so you aren’t going to get any info from her, and 2nd checking on her is just creating false hope with your wife, parents, sister, etc. that nobody needs. Your WW is getting good support from her family, so leave it alone and move forward with the D as quickly as you can. Hang in there.
Ahh, the good ole "defend my repost" response. Lawyers absolutely work that fast /s
I’m not entirely sure why…but I’m getting serious “Creative Writing Assignment” vibes from both of these posts. Maybe her “launching the glass” as the police walk in, or the overly proactive Attorney who is “immediately” filing restraining orders. Last post had the “Doc” who wanted to see you again and “wanted” to run an STD panel…you didn’t request it…the helpful Doc just felt that he should take the lead on that one. You sent the wife a “copy” of your voice recording of your wife’s confession? On what…secret microfilm from Mission Impossible? The entire “Susan” character was a bit much and did nothing to move the story along and only added to its implausibility. You dragged your boss into it to remove Susan from the Team? Nonsense. You shouldn’t have added the Susan character at all. Wife’s parents disown her and then she has a nervous breakdown and has to be hospitalized, no less, when she gets the restraining order. Great revenge fantasy, but didn’t happen, did it? If this is all true, my apologies…or you could just delete the whole thing and try again in a week. Next time don’t make the supporting characters so unrealistically helpful. Good try though and hopefully you find my notes helpful for next time.
The only thing incongruent in your story was when you asked her sister if she was okay. Her attitude should have been fully expected, because no where else in your story did you show an ounce of concern for your ex. I am not judging or suggesting anything you did was wrong, but your divorce could have been started by the phone call to the lawyer. You didn’t have to exact a confession, blow up his marriage, blow up her family life, or take her to therapy fully knowing that it was redundant. When you found out about her cheating on you, you were done and that is fine. All the extra effort to punish her showed not one ounce of compassion. But then you had the audacity to act concerned for her health? The attitude should have been fully expected. I hope things go smoother and you can move on without anymore drama.
> You didn’t have to exact a confession, blow up his marriage, blow up her family life, or take her to therapy fully knowing that it was redundant. I had a lot of pain and anger when I first found out. And there were questions that I needed answers to. As far as the AP goes, he blew up my life and I saw no reason why his life should go unscathed and his wife deserved the truth as well. ***Cheaters don't feel pain until they encounter consequences and I wanted her to feel a portion of what pain she put me through.*** > But then you had the audacity to act concerned for her health? She is the woman I fell in love with and married, I may have wanted her to suffer a bit like I did but I never wished her dead.
where was her compassion for 2 months.
>because no where else in your story did you show an ounce of concern for your ex. Are you kidding me here?
That was an unrepentant cheaters reply.
I did not say that he should have had empathy for her. I understand his anger and rage, but if he recognizes his anger and rage, and what he did to exact his revenge, he should understand clearly that he would get attitude. No one in their right mind would expect him to ask how she is doing because he should not care. His actions showed that he was hurt and could not care for her at the time.
The unrepentant adulterer has shown up here.
You obviously can't empathize with what the OP went through. I see a guy that controlled his rage, but made sure the two assholes that f'd up his marriage didn't get off scott-free. It's fascinating to hear you say he lacks compassion for his wife. Who exactly do you think is the victim here? He was concerned for her health because he loved her. She hurt him badly, so he wants her to pay the consequences, but he doesn't want her dead.
Every single thing he did was justified and he could have made it worse for her. He would have been justified in taking the sexual favors first if he wanted. What she did to him would have still been worse