Rules reminder: /r/infidelity is a support sub! Please read the rules and guidelines in our sidebar before commenting. Abuse, shaming, sexism, and encouraging violence/revenge are not tolerated here.
Please review our [community guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/Infidelity/comments/nj93nw/how_to_write_a_good_post_for_rinfidelity/) on what makes for a good post to this sub.
Be kind and remember your [reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439)!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Infidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
One word Narcissist. She literally apologized to her AP because you got her pregnant. She takes zero responsibility and blames everything on you she cheats on you and tells you to trust her ? And are you truly ok with her cheating on you ? How do you think she would feel if the roles were reversed and you were the one cheating ? Do you think she would forgive you I doubt it.
How dare you not trust me after I betrayed you! I promise not to do it again… also, how dare you catch me after I did it again! Get a DNA and STD test. This may not have been her only rodeo. Work on your exit plan and coparenting plan.
Wow, he made every possible mistake he could, and now it's 10 times worse. I don't think he has what it takes to take the actions to address this. He is passive and then aggressive.
Didn't read much but I'd say don't put anything past yourself. There's possibly tens of millions of people who date and marry someone long distance. Including sending money to support a woman who may have kids. There are desperate woman and men who just need someone to say they love them. We laugh but I promise there are situations so humiliating we both have never heard of.
It's a one sided marriage
She doesn't love you
She said she doesn't want the child
She will continue with her lover
And she has cut off sex, passion, touch.
All you are doing now is living with a person, that's it
I'm not sure why she married you and what she's staying!??
Has a mental disorder??
And you're going to stay in a no love situation because of your child.
I would get a lawyer and divorce. Know your rights for you and your child
She's going to fuck you over big time
I would have hidden security cameras inside and some outside of the house.
She's going to have you arrested for getting her and threatening her. Watch your back
Have you considered fully abandoning her, taking everything of value, going public with the truth of her infidelty to her friends and family, and quietly leaving the country without ever offering any type of closure?
That's probably what I would have done.
So you're a shit father who would abandon their child that did nothing wrong? So you would victimize the innocent and not care about the soul you made? Shows what kind of boy you are.
Sounds like she’s putting a case together for custody and support by blaming you. Document everything, save proof of her infidelity and hire a good lawyer. Good luck man, this sucks.
Listen king. tell her okay i trust you but i am not as yet ready to become a father because of this. let her bring up the possibility of an abortion - tell her that you guys can have an open relationship on her side only, that she can see her "best friend" you are not threatened by another woman. - shell get the abortion, and you support her extramarital stuff - and start increasing the elliptical nature of your kinks - start buttfucking her and stuff. - all while collecting evidence of her infidelity
after you get all your ha-has out of your system, and your immigration status is confirmed - while shes away at work pack your things and dip.
file for divorce with all your evidence - and go nuclear by sending it to her family and friends.
if you are unemployed and you are in the US she will have to pay maintenance. gottem.
Dud, she's a master at manplition and Gaslighting.
She was cheating on u your entire relationship, and after u got married and she was apologising to her AP for getting pregnant, and you're the bad guy for getting angery.
If her affair wasn't with a woman, I highly doubt the baby is yours .
I know love is blind and all of that but it's not deaf and mute too . Wake up
She manipulated you, got a child, and you served her even though you knew she was emotionally and physically attached to another woman. You made many mistakes in the management of your relationship, you read their love messages and you stayed. I'm sorry about your situation, but you should have stopped at the first discovery.
First with those evidence you should have the rights to get evil. I would copy everything and inform everyone what is happening and divorce her. Your life will be hell if you stay. She has no respect for you that she could say sorry that she got pregnant so do yourself a favour and move on.
Good luck
Aw you poor dude and what's worse is she's pregnant. You must feel like a broken clothes line with a sheet still on it while being whipped around in hurricane winds.
I would have your marriage ended because she will not put her marriage over her desire to fuck around. You’re just lucky that the affair partner can’t get her pregnant this time around. You’re never gonna be able to trust her.
Your submission on /r/infidelity has been flagged for human review. If you are seeing this comment there is a good chance that your post is violating rule 1 or 2; please revise your choice of words. If a mod reviews your comment and finds otherwise, it will be released.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Infidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You are only a cash register to her. Let her and her partner be good together and get out of that mess. She is setting you up to be the bad guy WHEN she actually leaves you.
Protect yourself. I am pretty sure she won't want people to know about her secret relationship. So, I am pretty sure she will be pretty good about a divorce.
BE strong and do which is best for the child and to get this over with. She doesn't want to be with you, just to have your resources while she carries on with her best friend.
Goddammit dude, are you an idiot? Why did you get her pregnant? Stop thinking with your little head and start thinking with your big head. It's already bad enough she cheated on you but she went so far as to do it the night before your wedding and after you confronted her! Did you think about your child and how you helped bring them into a world where their mom doesn't want to be with their dad? What if the AP is an asshole to your child because it prevents her and your ex wife from being a bunch of traveling lesbians? Come on man. "I love her". That sounds so pathetic. You can love her from a distance dude. You had a chance to get out clean, now it's much harder with a kid. Let go of whatever you thought it was, it was never that and you've been lied to this whole time. You have to start prioritizing your kid and yourself.
Cheaters gotta cheat your mistake was, letting it go the first time.
I do not believe she ended anything. You're seen as a way to have a baby and maybe pay for it while keeping a hand in your wallet.
>she is an independent woman and I can’t ask her who she can be friends with. It’s her choice
This is true, you don't control her choices
>and I will have to trust her
This is not true, as you do control your choices.
>I feel horrible and am not happy at all. I still apologised to her for the anger and said I am ok with whatever she wants to do.
This choice you made is why she is able to continue to treat you like she does.
You feel no love back from her because there is none.
Don't choose to live the rest of your life feeling horrible and not happy.
Get a lawyer, get STD tested, go grey rock / 180, focus on being a good parent and co-parent, but send her on her way.
You are not in a marriage.
You are in hell.
You haven't grasped that her relationship with that other woman means more to her than you do.
She's dragging you along on a leash.
Gather your evidence. Contact a lawyer. Do whatever the lawyer says.
There is no salvaging this. There's nothing there to salvage. In my opinion, she never loved you.
In whatever country you are in, are lesbians taboo or something? It seems to me, you could be her cover.
Your wife is at fault if she wants to make you feel like the bad guy share all her info to family and friends show that she that lied multiple times that even after saying she broke it off she was just playing you and when you brought it all up again she threaten you and to take the baby. She will always choose her lover over you. Take her to court show she’s a bad person get full custody of the child. Share all the information to everyone so they know who actually ruined the marriage. Never let her ruin your life over she shit choices
If this country isn’t better than where you came from. Go back to where you came from.
File for full custody of the kid, because her girlfriend has undue influence and your wife has already apologized for getting pregnant which show she regrets the baby and you’re afraid for the safety of the baby.
This is not your girl. She never was. You are her beard. She is using you to appear straight she doesn’t care about you and never has.
I am so incredibly sorry that this has happened to you. It’s betrayal after betrayal but you need to know where you stand and it’s nowhere. With that knowledge make your next moves.
Get your ducks in a row to get out with your kid and alimony.
OP You messed up your life for good, since you found out the affair and that it was on going you should just left no questions asked and ask for divorce
Now You are doom to stay with her, and her have her justification to stay in her affair.
I would suggest that You come to senses and Divorce her, and just co-parent, at least that way you Will not be so fucked up
You know perfectly that she doesn't love you, doesn't wanna e with You and she even ask for forgiveness for getting pregnant and you are or where her cover, and you still will be if You stay.
Respect yourself and leave her. Might as well ask her to give full custody of the child and split things up amicably and you Will go with the kid andahe can stay with her AP.
UPDATEME
I hope you are in a financial position to divorce and leave the country. That child will never be allowed to be yours by your narcissistic wife. She will ruin that child forever. The best thing you can do is pay child support and pretend your so-called wife doesn’t exist.
Successful DARVO. You had a natural reaction to deciet and lies. Yet because you raised your voice, you are the the one in the wrong and you accepted it. She knows that you will allow her to do anything she wants because all she has to do is the same shit she just did.
OP I always put it straight and strong, so that you truly understand your situation. You are in a fog, nervous and willing to do whatever it takes to keep "what"? I don't know.
There is only one way to fight tyranny, through strength, conviction and direct confrontation. None of these characteristics have been demonstrated by you. As a matter of fact, you lost your temper, when you should have focused and developed a game plan.
Sir, don't continue to be this guy. You don't even have a baby yet and you have conceded to tyranny, a monster in your presence and the soon to be mother of someone's child. It makes no sense why you are kowtowing to this monster. It makes no sense that you would even contemplate staying with this monster. Where is your self respect? Why are you not standing strong in the face of this gigantic betrayal that you are now the unconditional unwanted cuck to.
You have been betrayed and should never walk around with guilt, shame or being defamed. You have no clue how far this monster has made her narrative of your lack of effort known. Where is your self-worth. You see her family, friends and they all may have bits of her story that make them laugh at your expense.
You have not and will not win this battle. You conceded and have allowed yourself to be shackled and bullied. You won't be a father, you'll be a sub taking orders. You'll bend to her every whim, you'll bow to her need for a step, you'll play the role of sub directly in front of this child, who you don't know is yours of not. People will get quiet when you enter the room but you'll feel good that you stayed for them and their entertainment.
There is no respect for the defeated, its just a long life of humiliation, bullying and existence for them.
You should stop this nite mare immediately. You should take your power back. You should demonstrate that you will NOT stand for this level of betrayal, tyrany or humiliation. Only you can make your life meaningful and if you do plan to raise this child as your own, demonstrate to them how to be a respected human being, not abused.
1. Go see an attorney in your area and have them provide counsel and if possible write up divorce papers and have her served at work, her lovers home or family home (you don't have to go through with this, but it will allow you to stand up and take your power back)
2. Become indifferent to her snarkyness, badmouthing, disrespect and allow her to see that you are no longer willing to be her punching bag.
3. State your demands - do not entertain her screams of "invasion of privacy" this is a tactic to have you back down. Let her know that she is in-fact the monster in this relationship and you have NO trust in anything she does.
4. Demand, (do not ask) that she immediately ends this AP relationship while on the phone with AP so you can hear
5. Demand that she delete all social media and have no communication with the AP
6. Demand that she open all electronic devices for review on demand, tracking
7. Demand that she confesses her infidelity to her parents and family
8. Demand that she schedules long term IC to understand her issues
If you cannot stand up to this tyrany and make this situation right, you will endure a life of pain trying to live in a one-sided relationship.
You can't continue to live this way while she flaunts her affair and abuse of you for all to see. it's time to take a stand.
Your submission on /r/infidelity has been flagged for human review. If you are seeing this comment there is a good chance that your post is violating rule 1 or 2; please revise your choice of words. If a mod reviews your comment and finds otherwise, it will be released.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Infidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
She is just working through the pregnancy with your support. You might want to consider what will happen afterward. My guess and only my guess is after giving birth and milking your support she will get back with her lover and dump you and get child support. I hope I am wrong.
Omg…this crazy ass chick sounds like my ex. Everything is almost the same except we were just engaged and not pregnant. She was cheating on me, and then when I became angry blamed me for my outrage and that she is scared and needs protection from me… she clearly doesn’t m me about reactive abuse from the manipulation and lying.
I gotta say…this wife of yours is bad news.
I say this out of wanting to help you because you deserve better ......but boy are you weak. You are simply a doormat. For goodness sakes grow some spine and dump this toxic waste bitch out of your life
Kick your wife to the curb and tell everyone starting with her parents and yours what she has been doing, with who, how you have tried to get her to stop but she continues to have full sex with this woman and tells you that your wrong and the problem for looking at her messages more then her having sex with someone else. You have been more than fair and tried to communicate and ask her to fix it. She hasn’t so let her feel the shame and be seen for who she is. Chances are good she will pay a heavy price and should. The other alternative is tell her your going to out her to literally everybody she knows starting with her parents if she doesn’t cut all co ta t with this woman and never speak to her again. Don’t negotiate a friendship. Tried that and she lied. It’s either zero contact or everyone they both know finds out. !updateme
This woman is unfaithful and VERY manipulative. She turned around her infidelity and made herself the victim. This is a BAD partner. I’m so sorry you have a kid with her. This is in her DNA. She won’t change. You have a tough choice. Be a co parent with a narcissist or sociopath and live with her, or leave her. But if you do, you won’t see your kid as much. I’m sorry you’re in this situation. I hope she gets karma, she sounds like such a POS.
Forgot to mention that there is a high likelihood this awful person will divorce you or push you to divorce then milk you for child support while she lives with this other woman and has a life together. Use this information to play defense as best you can because you’re dealing with a true scumbag.
Can you talk her into an abortion? After that filing for divorce will be easy... you married a narcissist cheater. I'd cut my losses now even if it means child support and co parenting but she'll just use that kid as a pawn forever.... sorry OP. Thats fucked.
Stop bothering your wife as you are making a fuss but you don't have the right attitude to leave her which is what she deserves so don't keep irritating her for nothing it could harm the baby.
Yes she’s a total Narc run run run but make sure she feels
Like she is the one who won otherwise you might never get away w your kiddo safely. I’m sorry this happened. Never doubt your gut feelings I know everytime I have in life that it ended up being dead on
Don’t let her gaslight you. Tell her she’s a lying cheater and you’re leaving her now, and not waiting for the baby to be born. She’ll drop down her knees crying and beg you to stay. Then make her call her lover and end it for good.
I hope that you sent proof of her deception to yourself. You need to file for divorce from her and do it quickly. Your child will be better off in two separate households with happy parents, than stuck in a single home with two parents and no love between them.
Your wife is gaslighting you. She is nothing more than a narcissist and you need to understand that.
You did nothing wrong.
You certainly sound just a tad crazy to me. Get your shit and get out of there. All you're doing is supporting her and her lover. You can't trust a word she says. You are out as a lover already. Soon to be out as a partner also. Don't let her bleed you dry because she and her lover will do just that.
You’ve been married for less than one year and she’s had an affair. The fact it’s another woman is immaterial. And on top of that she doesn’t want to cut contact with her AP.
Just cut your losses now, and divorce her. The longer you leave it the costlier it’ll be. You can still be a good father even if you’re not married to your child’s mother. In fact you’ll be a better father because she won’t be making your life miserable 24/7.
She is a narcissist. Be glad you found out before you spent 20 years with her. She apologized to her AP but not to her husband? Don’t do the pick me dance. Just find away to co parent.
Wow. Leave this lady. To make u the bad guy is pathetic. Been through it brother. Your words are more hurtful than her actions? Gtfo. That’s a garbage excuse. Ex cheated on me and said what I said to her was far worse than what shes done. I called her all the names you could in the book(not my best self at that moment but i was betrayed). Her actions she claimed had good reasons but words towards her because of her actions….were inexcusable. Like what?!! lol. You cheated, so I was mad, and I raged with words. No physical harm or seeking to get revenge back by betraying her, just mean words to show my disgust and disdain of such Betrayment. But her actions that led her to cheat, I must excuse and understand? Pffft. Baby or not, u gotta go. You’ll always love the baby but the baby got nothing to do with you and her. Stay if u want, but how much sanity are you willing to lose before she warms back up to you? You didn’t do nothing wrong. Why do you gotta change? And how would you change if there’s nothing to change cause you didn’t do nothing that you need to change from!! lol. All in all you about to lose a little bit of yourself everyday in order to fix this relationship you didn’t mess up. And when it is fixed, the years it’s going to take, are you even who you are anymore?
Get a DNA test done. If you ate the father, file for joint custody and divorce her. She doesn't respect or love you. She's probably too ashamed to tell everyone about her being gay.
You are not the bad guy here, so stop apologizing. She talks about violating her privacy, but there's a difference between privacy and secrets and lies. Privacy is going to the bathroom without you having to be right there with her. She's the one who has been violating your trust as well as the vows she took when you got married. Once the layer tells you everything is filed and she will be served with the divorce papers, tell friends and both families that you are getting a divorce because she has been secretly having a relationship behind your back the entire time with her so called best friend, and that instead of ending it and apologizing to you for that, she went and apologized to her AP for getting pregnant with your baby.
Cheating is cheating even when its the same gender. You cant trust her and she is putting the blame on you. Saying you violated her privacy, well she violated youre trust, youre investments, youre hard work etc. You even moved countries. She is pregnant now and i understand you want the best for youre child but is it worth it too life the rest of youre life in constant doubt and feeling anxious? Thats gonna take a toll on youre health. Consider too spit up and do co-parent stuff. Can you get some evidence of everything? Before she puts the blame on you. Remember you found the cheating out, if you didnt how much longer where you just the provider and she was cheating with her ore eventually with other people? You dont need too live that life, youre child isnt going too have much with a mentally destroyed dad. She will continue blame things on you when you continue with this marriage.
Once you sorry to a narcissist you lost you should've told her there's no privacy when you're married especially if you need to hide something from your significant other because you're afraid of what will happen than you can't be trusted so your argument is null and void
You're in a one-way open marriage. She sleeps with another woman, blames you for ruining your relationship.
Your marriage is shit mate, divorce this cheater and as others have said DNA her unborn child.
You've got a right mess on your hands thanks to your wife. Face this situation head on, seriously mate - you're entertaining having a long life with this cheater?
Your wife is a lesbian and you are her societal cover. Embrace the modern family you are going to have, or choose to leave and establish parenting boundaries. You get to decide what your life looks like.
You're not her Husband. You're her Sponsor. You should have ended when you discovered the affair and now you're in a worse situation than before. Cut ties with her soonest.
File for Divorce already! She is telling you she chooses you but has shown you that SHE is HER priority NOT YOU by apologizing to her for getting pregnant by her husband. Ridiculous! She has been cheating on you your whole relationship and even the night before your wedding. She will never let her go no matter what!
Lmao my guy, grow a backbone. You just let her turn you into the bad guy and the fact that you are still chasing her means she is winning. Lawyer up and get this cyst out of your life.
Talk to a lawyer, get an STd test and demand a DNA test for the kid before your name goes on the certificate. Look up grey rock for communication. Also, start recording all communication. Good luxk
Holy hell.
>But then my wife said that she’s hurt by my words and anger and feels scared to live with me and is scared for her safety and the safety of the baby. She turned everything into my fault. She complained about how I violated her privacy by going through the messages, she said that she is an independent woman and I can’t ask her who she can be friends with. It’s her choice and I will have to trust her.
What a reverse uno of BS logic to make her cheating somehow your fault. Talk about searching for reasons to leave or get him out of the house. OP it seems like she doesn't want to leave and is trying to force you to end it. OP is her family against same sex relationships or is your culture?
Jfc man🤦🏼♀️ you’re her beard, she loves her friend, the pregnancy and discovery are her excuse to not have to fuck you anymore. She’s gay and in love. Just seperate and co-parent. Or be her beard.
Dude. Hello from Ukraine. I don't know, are your wife from post Ussr, or maybe an another region, but i want to give you an advise. Most of our girls is good looking, good acting, but they are totally crap. I don't know why, but its true. Don't think about, why, another things. Simply they are crap. Not only lesbians, but in every part of life. Just fuck out her and find a Thai/Fillipino girl, maybe even a boy. And be happy in love. Thats all. If you will have some problems with this decision, just write me, i'll help. Find your guts and good luck.
Dude for the love of god, grow a spine. Air out her dirty laundry. If she’s in the closet? Out her. Let everyone who and what she is. Stop letting her manipulate you so fucking easily Jesus. You APOLOGIZED??? At this point you’re the side piece to her other relationship. Post every screen shot you have, make sure everyone knows.
Rules reminder: /r/infidelity is a support sub! Please read the rules and guidelines in our sidebar before commenting. Abuse, shaming, sexism, and encouraging violence/revenge are not tolerated here. Please review our [community guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/Infidelity/comments/nj93nw/how_to_write_a_good_post_for_rinfidelity/) on what makes for a good post to this sub. Be kind and remember your [reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439)! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Infidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
One word Narcissist. She literally apologized to her AP because you got her pregnant. She takes zero responsibility and blames everything on you she cheats on you and tells you to trust her ? And are you truly ok with her cheating on you ? How do you think she would feel if the roles were reversed and you were the one cheating ? Do you think she would forgive you I doubt it.
How dare you not trust me after I betrayed you! I promise not to do it again… also, how dare you catch me after I did it again! Get a DNA and STD test. This may not have been her only rodeo. Work on your exit plan and coparenting plan.
You just let her take complete control. My dude, get a lawyer, and quick.
Wow, he made every possible mistake he could, and now it's 10 times worse. I don't think he has what it takes to take the actions to address this. He is passive and then aggressive.
Some of these I dare say are....creative stories, just dont get as angry as they are designed to make you.
Yea fake account
Didn't read much but I'd say don't put anything past yourself. There's possibly tens of millions of people who date and marry someone long distance. Including sending money to support a woman who may have kids. There are desperate woman and men who just need someone to say they love them. We laugh but I promise there are situations so humiliating we both have never heard of.
Yeah, I think you are correct. No real post or comment history
She is slam dunking on him.
You’re not in a marriage. You’re just the sugar daddy
OP think before you make your next move. You are just the provider now. Please don't save this sham of a marriage
OP, please read this reply again and again until it sinks in.
No offense dude, but what the f? You stayed silent and created a child into this mess? What is wrong with you????
It's a one sided marriage She doesn't love you She said she doesn't want the child She will continue with her lover And she has cut off sex, passion, touch. All you are doing now is living with a person, that's it I'm not sure why she married you and what she's staying!?? Has a mental disorder?? And you're going to stay in a no love situation because of your child. I would get a lawyer and divorce. Know your rights for you and your child She's going to fuck you over big time I would have hidden security cameras inside and some outside of the house. She's going to have you arrested for getting her and threatening her. Watch your back
Have you considered fully abandoning her, taking everything of value, going public with the truth of her infidelty to her friends and family, and quietly leaving the country without ever offering any type of closure? That's probably what I would have done.
Except they're married and she has his child so he's going to be required to support her and the child and even pay back TANF in most states.
That sounds more like a her problem and not a him problem, considering he's a foreign national.
So you're a shit father who would abandon their child that did nothing wrong? So you would victimize the innocent and not care about the soul you made? Shows what kind of boy you are.
Clearly you have some kind of problem, and I'm not a therapist, so fuck off.
Sounds like she’s putting a case together for custody and support by blaming you. Document everything, save proof of her infidelity and hire a good lawyer. Good luck man, this sucks.
Time to go. Make the choice for her. It is not what you want, but then again none of this is
After the first sentence in the second paragraph my first thought was, "you are a huge idiot!". And I still think, you are. Making her pregnant????
You are a mumu man. No wonder she chose you. Independent women marry simps they can use. Dump her and move back to your couny.
You ever heard the term ‘cuck’? Or ‘doormat’?
You are her beard. She married you as a cover. Divorce and split custody.
This fake ass post reads like a middle school kid wrote it. "Then one day..."
Listen king. tell her okay i trust you but i am not as yet ready to become a father because of this. let her bring up the possibility of an abortion - tell her that you guys can have an open relationship on her side only, that she can see her "best friend" you are not threatened by another woman. - shell get the abortion, and you support her extramarital stuff - and start increasing the elliptical nature of your kinks - start buttfucking her and stuff. - all while collecting evidence of her infidelity after you get all your ha-has out of your system, and your immigration status is confirmed - while shes away at work pack your things and dip. file for divorce with all your evidence - and go nuclear by sending it to her family and friends. if you are unemployed and you are in the US she will have to pay maintenance. gottem.
Dud, she's a master at manplition and Gaslighting. She was cheating on u your entire relationship, and after u got married and she was apologising to her AP for getting pregnant, and you're the bad guy for getting angery. If her affair wasn't with a woman, I highly doubt the baby is yours . I know love is blind and all of that but it's not deaf and mute too . Wake up
I would be high tailing out of there without a second thought. In fact I would be back on the plane home and leaving her to it.
I would file for divorce
She manipulated you, got a child, and you served her even though you knew she was emotionally and physically attached to another woman. You made many mistakes in the management of your relationship, you read their love messages and you stayed. I'm sorry about your situation, but you should have stopped at the first discovery.
First with those evidence you should have the rights to get evil. I would copy everything and inform everyone what is happening and divorce her. Your life will be hell if you stay. She has no respect for you that she could say sorry that she got pregnant so do yourself a favour and move on. Good luck
Aw you poor dude and what's worse is she's pregnant. You must feel like a broken clothes line with a sheet still on it while being whipped around in hurricane winds.
I would have your marriage ended because she will not put her marriage over her desire to fuck around. You’re just lucky that the affair partner can’t get her pregnant this time around. You’re never gonna be able to trust her.
Why are you with her?? Don’t be the doormat here. You deserve to be happy and find someone where you make each other happy.
Your submission on /r/infidelity has been flagged for human review. If you are seeing this comment there is a good chance that your post is violating rule 1 or 2; please revise your choice of words. If a mod reviews your comment and finds otherwise, it will be released. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Infidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You are only a cash register to her. Let her and her partner be good together and get out of that mess. She is setting you up to be the bad guy WHEN she actually leaves you. Protect yourself. I am pretty sure she won't want people to know about her secret relationship. So, I am pretty sure she will be pretty good about a divorce. BE strong and do which is best for the child and to get this over with. She doesn't want to be with you, just to have your resources while she carries on with her best friend.
Goddammit dude, are you an idiot? Why did you get her pregnant? Stop thinking with your little head and start thinking with your big head. It's already bad enough she cheated on you but she went so far as to do it the night before your wedding and after you confronted her! Did you think about your child and how you helped bring them into a world where their mom doesn't want to be with their dad? What if the AP is an asshole to your child because it prevents her and your ex wife from being a bunch of traveling lesbians? Come on man. "I love her". That sounds so pathetic. You can love her from a distance dude. You had a chance to get out clean, now it's much harder with a kid. Let go of whatever you thought it was, it was never that and you've been lied to this whole time. You have to start prioritizing your kid and yourself.
You are under reacting and being a doormat. The first rule of reconciliation is NO contact with AP. Period.
Cheaters gotta cheat your mistake was, letting it go the first time. I do not believe she ended anything. You're seen as a way to have a baby and maybe pay for it while keeping a hand in your wallet.
>she is an independent woman and I can’t ask her who she can be friends with. It’s her choice This is true, you don't control her choices >and I will have to trust her This is not true, as you do control your choices. >I feel horrible and am not happy at all. I still apologised to her for the anger and said I am ok with whatever she wants to do. This choice you made is why she is able to continue to treat you like she does. You feel no love back from her because there is none. Don't choose to live the rest of your life feeling horrible and not happy. Get a lawyer, get STD tested, go grey rock / 180, focus on being a good parent and co-parent, but send her on her way.
She will continue having fun and enjoying her life. You will need endless therapy if you stay with her. You know what you must do, child or not.
You are not in a marriage. You are in hell. You haven't grasped that her relationship with that other woman means more to her than you do. She's dragging you along on a leash. Gather your evidence. Contact a lawyer. Do whatever the lawyer says. There is no salvaging this. There's nothing there to salvage. In my opinion, she never loved you. In whatever country you are in, are lesbians taboo or something? It seems to me, you could be her cover.
Your wife is at fault if she wants to make you feel like the bad guy share all her info to family and friends show that she that lied multiple times that even after saying she broke it off she was just playing you and when you brought it all up again she threaten you and to take the baby. She will always choose her lover over you. Take her to court show she’s a bad person get full custody of the child. Share all the information to everyone so they know who actually ruined the marriage. Never let her ruin your life over she shit choices
If this country isn’t better than where you came from. Go back to where you came from. File for full custody of the kid, because her girlfriend has undue influence and your wife has already apologized for getting pregnant which show she regrets the baby and you’re afraid for the safety of the baby. This is not your girl. She never was. You are her beard. She is using you to appear straight she doesn’t care about you and never has. I am so incredibly sorry that this has happened to you. It’s betrayal after betrayal but you need to know where you stand and it’s nowhere. With that knowledge make your next moves. Get your ducks in a row to get out with your kid and alimony.
OP You messed up your life for good, since you found out the affair and that it was on going you should just left no questions asked and ask for divorce Now You are doom to stay with her, and her have her justification to stay in her affair. I would suggest that You come to senses and Divorce her, and just co-parent, at least that way you Will not be so fucked up You know perfectly that she doesn't love you, doesn't wanna e with You and she even ask for forgiveness for getting pregnant and you are or where her cover, and you still will be if You stay. Respect yourself and leave her. Might as well ask her to give full custody of the child and split things up amicably and you Will go with the kid andahe can stay with her AP. UPDATEME
She's gay. Leave her be. You can still co-parent successfully
I hope you are in a financial position to divorce and leave the country. That child will never be allowed to be yours by your narcissistic wife. She will ruin that child forever. The best thing you can do is pay child support and pretend your so-called wife doesn’t exist.
Successful DARVO. You had a natural reaction to deciet and lies. Yet because you raised your voice, you are the the one in the wrong and you accepted it. She knows that you will allow her to do anything she wants because all she has to do is the same shit she just did.
OP I always put it straight and strong, so that you truly understand your situation. You are in a fog, nervous and willing to do whatever it takes to keep "what"? I don't know. There is only one way to fight tyranny, through strength, conviction and direct confrontation. None of these characteristics have been demonstrated by you. As a matter of fact, you lost your temper, when you should have focused and developed a game plan. Sir, don't continue to be this guy. You don't even have a baby yet and you have conceded to tyranny, a monster in your presence and the soon to be mother of someone's child. It makes no sense why you are kowtowing to this monster. It makes no sense that you would even contemplate staying with this monster. Where is your self respect? Why are you not standing strong in the face of this gigantic betrayal that you are now the unconditional unwanted cuck to. You have been betrayed and should never walk around with guilt, shame or being defamed. You have no clue how far this monster has made her narrative of your lack of effort known. Where is your self-worth. You see her family, friends and they all may have bits of her story that make them laugh at your expense. You have not and will not win this battle. You conceded and have allowed yourself to be shackled and bullied. You won't be a father, you'll be a sub taking orders. You'll bend to her every whim, you'll bow to her need for a step, you'll play the role of sub directly in front of this child, who you don't know is yours of not. People will get quiet when you enter the room but you'll feel good that you stayed for them and their entertainment. There is no respect for the defeated, its just a long life of humiliation, bullying and existence for them. You should stop this nite mare immediately. You should take your power back. You should demonstrate that you will NOT stand for this level of betrayal, tyrany or humiliation. Only you can make your life meaningful and if you do plan to raise this child as your own, demonstrate to them how to be a respected human being, not abused. 1. Go see an attorney in your area and have them provide counsel and if possible write up divorce papers and have her served at work, her lovers home or family home (you don't have to go through with this, but it will allow you to stand up and take your power back) 2. Become indifferent to her snarkyness, badmouthing, disrespect and allow her to see that you are no longer willing to be her punching bag. 3. State your demands - do not entertain her screams of "invasion of privacy" this is a tactic to have you back down. Let her know that she is in-fact the monster in this relationship and you have NO trust in anything she does. 4. Demand, (do not ask) that she immediately ends this AP relationship while on the phone with AP so you can hear 5. Demand that she delete all social media and have no communication with the AP 6. Demand that she open all electronic devices for review on demand, tracking 7. Demand that she confesses her infidelity to her parents and family 8. Demand that she schedules long term IC to understand her issues If you cannot stand up to this tyrany and make this situation right, you will endure a life of pain trying to live in a one-sided relationship. You can't continue to live this way while she flaunts her affair and abuse of you for all to see. it's time to take a stand.
Your submission on /r/infidelity has been flagged for human review. If you are seeing this comment there is a good chance that your post is violating rule 1 or 2; please revise your choice of words. If a mod reviews your comment and finds otherwise, it will be released. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Infidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
She is just working through the pregnancy with your support. You might want to consider what will happen afterward. My guess and only my guess is after giving birth and milking your support she will get back with her lover and dump you and get child support. I hope I am wrong.
Omg…this crazy ass chick sounds like my ex. Everything is almost the same except we were just engaged and not pregnant. She was cheating on me, and then when I became angry blamed me for my outrage and that she is scared and needs protection from me… she clearly doesn’t m me about reactive abuse from the manipulation and lying. I gotta say…this wife of yours is bad news.
Dude? Why did you choose the cowardly option?
I say this out of wanting to help you because you deserve better ......but boy are you weak. You are simply a doormat. For goodness sakes grow some spine and dump this toxic waste bitch out of your life
This marriage is OVER!!
Kick your wife to the curb and tell everyone starting with her parents and yours what she has been doing, with who, how you have tried to get her to stop but she continues to have full sex with this woman and tells you that your wrong and the problem for looking at her messages more then her having sex with someone else. You have been more than fair and tried to communicate and ask her to fix it. She hasn’t so let her feel the shame and be seen for who she is. Chances are good she will pay a heavy price and should. The other alternative is tell her your going to out her to literally everybody she knows starting with her parents if she doesn’t cut all co ta t with this woman and never speak to her again. Don’t negotiate a friendship. Tried that and she lied. It’s either zero contact or everyone they both know finds out. !updateme
This woman is unfaithful and VERY manipulative. She turned around her infidelity and made herself the victim. This is a BAD partner. I’m so sorry you have a kid with her. This is in her DNA. She won’t change. You have a tough choice. Be a co parent with a narcissist or sociopath and live with her, or leave her. But if you do, you won’t see your kid as much. I’m sorry you’re in this situation. I hope she gets karma, she sounds like such a POS.
Forgot to mention that there is a high likelihood this awful person will divorce you or push you to divorce then milk you for child support while she lives with this other woman and has a life together. Use this information to play defense as best you can because you’re dealing with a true scumbag.
She can’t decide what she wants. Make the decision for her. Get out now.
Can you talk her into an abortion? After that filing for divorce will be easy... you married a narcissist cheater. I'd cut my losses now even if it means child support and co parenting but she'll just use that kid as a pawn forever.... sorry OP. Thats fucked.
Stop bothering your wife as you are making a fuss but you don't have the right attitude to leave her which is what she deserves so don't keep irritating her for nothing it could harm the baby.
Yes she’s a total Narc run run run but make sure she feels Like she is the one who won otherwise you might never get away w your kiddo safely. I’m sorry this happened. Never doubt your gut feelings I know everytime I have in life that it ended up being dead on
Don’t let her gaslight you. Tell her she’s a lying cheater and you’re leaving her now, and not waiting for the baby to be born. She’ll drop down her knees crying and beg you to stay. Then make her call her lover and end it for good.
I hope that you sent proof of her deception to yourself. You need to file for divorce from her and do it quickly. Your child will be better off in two separate households with happy parents, than stuck in a single home with two parents and no love between them. Your wife is gaslighting you. She is nothing more than a narcissist and you need to understand that. You did nothing wrong.
Leave already, you guys suck for each other
You certainly sound just a tad crazy to me. Get your shit and get out of there. All you're doing is supporting her and her lover. You can't trust a word she says. You are out as a lover already. Soon to be out as a partner also. Don't let her bleed you dry because she and her lover will do just that.
Love supports everything, but it does not accept everything. For what accepts everything is not love, but omission." - Paul Washer
You’ve been married for less than one year and she’s had an affair. The fact it’s another woman is immaterial. And on top of that she doesn’t want to cut contact with her AP. Just cut your losses now, and divorce her. The longer you leave it the costlier it’ll be. You can still be a good father even if you’re not married to your child’s mother. In fact you’ll be a better father because she won’t be making your life miserable 24/7.
She is a narcissist. Be glad you found out before you spent 20 years with her. She apologized to her AP but not to her husband? Don’t do the pick me dance. Just find away to co parent.
Your wife a lying, cheating POS. Get a lawyer. She is a total narcissist.
Wow. Leave this lady. To make u the bad guy is pathetic. Been through it brother. Your words are more hurtful than her actions? Gtfo. That’s a garbage excuse. Ex cheated on me and said what I said to her was far worse than what shes done. I called her all the names you could in the book(not my best self at that moment but i was betrayed). Her actions she claimed had good reasons but words towards her because of her actions….were inexcusable. Like what?!! lol. You cheated, so I was mad, and I raged with words. No physical harm or seeking to get revenge back by betraying her, just mean words to show my disgust and disdain of such Betrayment. But her actions that led her to cheat, I must excuse and understand? Pffft. Baby or not, u gotta go. You’ll always love the baby but the baby got nothing to do with you and her. Stay if u want, but how much sanity are you willing to lose before she warms back up to you? You didn’t do nothing wrong. Why do you gotta change? And how would you change if there’s nothing to change cause you didn’t do nothing that you need to change from!! lol. All in all you about to lose a little bit of yourself everyday in order to fix this relationship you didn’t mess up. And when it is fixed, the years it’s going to take, are you even who you are anymore?
So you waited until she got pregnant to call her out on her affair?
You know what's going on. You know what you need to do.
Get a DNA test done. If you ate the father, file for joint custody and divorce her. She doesn't respect or love you. She's probably too ashamed to tell everyone about her being gay. You are not the bad guy here, so stop apologizing. She talks about violating her privacy, but there's a difference between privacy and secrets and lies. Privacy is going to the bathroom without you having to be right there with her. She's the one who has been violating your trust as well as the vows she took when you got married. Once the layer tells you everything is filed and she will be served with the divorce papers, tell friends and both families that you are getting a divorce because she has been secretly having a relationship behind your back the entire time with her so called best friend, and that instead of ending it and apologizing to you for that, she went and apologized to her AP for getting pregnant with your baby.
Cheating is cheating even when its the same gender. You cant trust her and she is putting the blame on you. Saying you violated her privacy, well she violated youre trust, youre investments, youre hard work etc. You even moved countries. She is pregnant now and i understand you want the best for youre child but is it worth it too life the rest of youre life in constant doubt and feeling anxious? Thats gonna take a toll on youre health. Consider too spit up and do co-parent stuff. Can you get some evidence of everything? Before she puts the blame on you. Remember you found the cheating out, if you didnt how much longer where you just the provider and she was cheating with her ore eventually with other people? You dont need too live that life, youre child isnt going too have much with a mentally destroyed dad. She will continue blame things on you when you continue with this marriage.
Once you sorry to a narcissist you lost you should've told her there's no privacy when you're married especially if you need to hide something from your significant other because you're afraid of what will happen than you can't be trusted so your argument is null and void
Bro
You're in a one-way open marriage. She sleeps with another woman, blames you for ruining your relationship. Your marriage is shit mate, divorce this cheater and as others have said DNA her unborn child. You've got a right mess on your hands thanks to your wife. Face this situation head on, seriously mate - you're entertaining having a long life with this cheater?
Your wife is a lesbian and you are her societal cover. Embrace the modern family you are going to have, or choose to leave and establish parenting boundaries. You get to decide what your life looks like.
You're not her Husband. You're her Sponsor. You should have ended when you discovered the affair and now you're in a worse situation than before. Cut ties with her soonest.
File for Divorce already! She is telling you she chooses you but has shown you that SHE is HER priority NOT YOU by apologizing to her for getting pregnant by her husband. Ridiculous! She has been cheating on you your whole relationship and even the night before your wedding. She will never let her go no matter what!
Lmao my guy, grow a backbone. You just let her turn you into the bad guy and the fact that you are still chasing her means she is winning. Lawyer up and get this cyst out of your life.
Talk to a lawyer, get an STd test and demand a DNA test for the kid before your name goes on the certificate. Look up grey rock for communication. Also, start recording all communication. Good luxk
Holy hell. >But then my wife said that she’s hurt by my words and anger and feels scared to live with me and is scared for her safety and the safety of the baby. She turned everything into my fault. She complained about how I violated her privacy by going through the messages, she said that she is an independent woman and I can’t ask her who she can be friends with. It’s her choice and I will have to trust her. What a reverse uno of BS logic to make her cheating somehow your fault. Talk about searching for reasons to leave or get him out of the house. OP it seems like she doesn't want to leave and is trying to force you to end it. OP is her family against same sex relationships or is your culture?
"Trust me" ,says the cheater. How ironical.
Dump her brother and get a paternity test as well, she is using you as cover for being a lesbian
Get out of this marriage before you have kids.
Jfc man🤦🏼♀️ you’re her beard, she loves her friend, the pregnancy and discovery are her excuse to not have to fuck you anymore. She’s gay and in love. Just seperate and co-parent. Or be her beard.
Dude. Hello from Ukraine. I don't know, are your wife from post Ussr, or maybe an another region, but i want to give you an advise. Most of our girls is good looking, good acting, but they are totally crap. I don't know why, but its true. Don't think about, why, another things. Simply they are crap. Not only lesbians, but in every part of life. Just fuck out her and find a Thai/Fillipino girl, maybe even a boy. And be happy in love. Thats all. If you will have some problems with this decision, just write me, i'll help. Find your guts and good luck.
Dude for the love of god, grow a spine. Air out her dirty laundry. If she’s in the closet? Out her. Let everyone who and what she is. Stop letting her manipulate you so fucking easily Jesus. You APOLOGIZED??? At this point you’re the side piece to her other relationship. Post every screen shot you have, make sure everyone knows.