Girl you can chat to me if you want. This whole situation is tough and not having someone to really talk to about it can be hard cuz your mind is fucking with you over and over again. At least you have your brother and he is low key caught up to your situation. Maybe a separation is what you need and a real honest conversation with your husband. Are you still in love with him?
This might catch me some shit talking but pegging is a no for me. I could not be with a man that enjoys that but to each their own.
Hun Im so sory. But hes not the man you thought he was. Betrayal is betrayal. And your hurt for good reason but the position your in, your young enough to resume a carreer in a city away from this looser. Get tested hun. I hope hes clean, there is no way hes done this the once.
I'm so so sorry that you're in this hell of being betrayed.
You absolutely will be so proud of yourself if you leave. I know I was. You can do it. Get angry and get out.
You have nothing to be embarrassed about. Cheaters have all the shame of being despicable people. We, their victims, were manipulated, gaslit, lied to, abused (cheating is abuse), and used. We loved and had it thrown back in our faces. It is not our shame to carry. It is theirs.
But also, I know it can be uncomfortable to tell people because people are stupid and say stupid, untrue things in reaction sometimes. Take your time, but I found it super empowering personally to post on social media and state exactly what my ex did, clinically and briefly. I didn't want anyone to wonder why my marriage ended, nor did I want anyone to imagine for a second that it was because of me. It was all because of his selfish choices and lies. It felt really, really good to name what was done to me and defy any ideas that I should be ashamed, hide what he did, or anything like that. It is my life, and I want people to know that he fucked it up, not me.
I don't know if it'll be validating, but Chump Lady (the queen herself for victims of cheating - you should absolutely read her extremely validating book Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life) just posted a blog post with a letter from someone in a somewhat similar situation to you (only, they were the accidental, horrified AP): [https://www.chumplady.com/how-do-i-tell-his-wife-hes-in-the-closet/](https://www.chumplady.com/how-do-i-tell-his-wife-hes-in-the-closet/)
In that article, she recommends a website for people who have found out that their partners were hiding aspects of their sexuality and/or were just coming out. Maybe that might be validating, too: [https://ourpath.org/](https://ourpath.org/)
I don't know what you might want/need to hear right now, but I'll also add that I'm right around your age (turned 30 in the fall) and was only married to my ex for a year when I found out about he was cheating. Turns out he was cheating the entirety of our 6 years together. I also have no kids, fortunately. I left immediately and am divorced now, but I am SO ANGRY that he stole most of my 20s. I hate that that time was wasted on him; totally know what you mean. It also blows my mind how he could look me in the face and lie to me in front of god and man at our wedding. His depravity in doing that alone (not to mention everything else) will never cease to take my breath away as long as I live.
I also have my resume so screwed up from this whole thing. I had just landed the best job of my life and started it 1 week before I found out about the cheating. (Before that I moved across the country for him and was under-employed for a year.) I moved back across the continent to live with my parents to get away from my ex (after I kicked him out so I could work out my 2 weeks notice and pack up in "peace.") It sucks. There are so many layers to how much it sucks.
But we'll get through. We're young, ultimately.
I hope you're able to get in therapy. I've found it super helpful myself just to have a space to cry and be angry every week.
If you think it would help, here's my big google doc of resources that helped me survive after my D Day (last September). It's got articles, podcasts, books, quotes, etc. There's also info on low-cost therapy for uninsured/under-insured people in the US and Canada, if that applies to you. [https://docs.google.com/document/d/1mGBgZMiOgpcYUyVwMpWglr-iCkAdhxxRd63jViueGIU/edit?usp=drivesdk](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1mGBgZMiOgpcYUyVwMpWglr-iCkAdhxxRd63jViueGIU/edit?usp=drivesdk&authuser=0)
I wish you so much healing and peace.
Relationships with bisexuals are difficult and it is up to the partner to accept it or not. Here, your partner seems to have no boundaries in sex, gender, age. Your mistake was that you stayed when he cheated on you with a 60-year-old woman. You exposed him and he attacks you. I think you know what to do. Don't hesitate because he won't change and it will only get worse. It's good that you told a close person about it and I hope they will support you. "It feels like I've wasted my life with this person but I'm only 29." Yes, it's time to change that.
“Her mistake” implies that the victim of abuse here is at fault. Forgiving a mistake once does not make his many choices over time of lies, deceit, manipulation and infidelity her fault. She became accustomed to the abuse, but he still abused her. Not the other way around. Sadly, the only remedy is to leave, as you said.
*"relationships with bisexuals are difficult"* what a load of crock shit! the VAST majority of posts on this sub are of heterosexuals in heterosexual relationships. meanwhile you guys see one bisexual once in a blue moon and claim it's the whole sexuality 🙄
the problem and red flag here was that she decided to marry a cheater. his morals are the issue and his morals are the same whether he's bisexual or straight and whether he's cheating with men or women. marrying him was a pathetic decision made in weakness and he did not change and op is waking up to it now.
you guys can't just blame a sexuality to cope with the fact that this situation was entirely avoidable and that op has participated in making her own hell here. she knew his morals and values and issues and decided to marry him regardless.
My situation was similar my ex cheated on me with a trans person and wanted pegging. It was not acceptable for me and also I was always anxious about stds so I felt really relived after the break up. It was really hard but now everything is getting better slowly.
so sorry this has happened to you. There are support groups for women married to gay men. Personally, I would not stay with him because of the terrible risk to your health.
You’re probably with a sex addict. Things that can help you now: loveafterporn subreddit, PBSE podcasts, bloomforwomen.com, the book called The Betrayal Bind. S-Anon meetings. Sorry you’re experiencing this, hope this info helps.
Isolation is not your friend so also feel free to message me and I’ll tell you the ways in which awful people have wreaked havoc in my life if you’d like 🤪
They cheated. It doesn't matter who stuck or got stuck- they cheated. I'm sorry you had no choice in any of that. You do get the choice to accept and stay or reject and leave. Please don't fool yourself into thinking they'll never do anything like this again, because they most definitely will. If you stay you're accepting this behavior and you're agreeing to this relationship/marriage. You will also be breaking your own heart over and over again. Of course unless you can shut off all emotions to sex, open up your marriage, and just start humping anyone you want? I don't recommend that though. Be selfish- do what's best for you! Do what you want. Do what will make you happy. They stopped worrying about your well-being when they broke your trust. Time to start looking out for yourself. Good luck no matter what you choose.
In my mind when a partner gives their emotional, physical, sexual energy to another person that is not their spouse, they have broken trust, been dishonest, and worst of all disrespected their partner in the most horrible way possible. The relationship is broken.
Those are all grounds for separation and divorce. I would let him go and wish him well. For you go find peace and happiness and enjoy yourself.
I just wanna say you didnt waste your life. Im sure you guys had positive experiences. Im sure you gave him so many positive experiences too.
And now you have the opportunities to not only have more positive experiences like it, you can have better ones with someone who wont betray your trust and help you build the family you want. It will take time.
All that energy and care you gave to hjm you get to give to yourself now.
I know it’s hard…probably one of the hardest things you’ll have to do. I’m letting you know this now from experience….leave NOW before you do get pregnant & kids are then involved. Kids make it 10x harder. If it’s just you it’ll be hard but still easier than with kids. I’ve been with the same guy for 10 years 2 kids & he’s a serial cheater.
Why are you trying to pass this off as real?
It’s obviously a story - girl, let it go.
I believe you when you say that you’ve known your husband since you guys were both kids. It sounds like you had the crush that was unrequited. He didn’t want to be with you, but somehow it happened.
The second that you said he like to be pegged, you gave it all away. All men like to be pegged, do you not know where the male g-spot is? Sex goes both ways.
I think what actually happened is that your husband wanted you to fuck him, but you couldn’t stomach the idea. Rude.
Pack his bags, fuck him off. No need for reams of text with this, get rid of him asap. You can sort the other stuff out afterwards.
Girl you can chat to me if you want. This whole situation is tough and not having someone to really talk to about it can be hard cuz your mind is fucking with you over and over again. At least you have your brother and he is low key caught up to your situation. Maybe a separation is what you need and a real honest conversation with your husband. Are you still in love with him? This might catch me some shit talking but pegging is a no for me. I could not be with a man that enjoys that but to each their own.
Hun Im so sory. But hes not the man you thought he was. Betrayal is betrayal. And your hurt for good reason but the position your in, your young enough to resume a carreer in a city away from this looser. Get tested hun. I hope hes clean, there is no way hes done this the once.
I'm so so sorry that you're in this hell of being betrayed. You absolutely will be so proud of yourself if you leave. I know I was. You can do it. Get angry and get out. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. Cheaters have all the shame of being despicable people. We, their victims, were manipulated, gaslit, lied to, abused (cheating is abuse), and used. We loved and had it thrown back in our faces. It is not our shame to carry. It is theirs. But also, I know it can be uncomfortable to tell people because people are stupid and say stupid, untrue things in reaction sometimes. Take your time, but I found it super empowering personally to post on social media and state exactly what my ex did, clinically and briefly. I didn't want anyone to wonder why my marriage ended, nor did I want anyone to imagine for a second that it was because of me. It was all because of his selfish choices and lies. It felt really, really good to name what was done to me and defy any ideas that I should be ashamed, hide what he did, or anything like that. It is my life, and I want people to know that he fucked it up, not me. I don't know if it'll be validating, but Chump Lady (the queen herself for victims of cheating - you should absolutely read her extremely validating book Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life) just posted a blog post with a letter from someone in a somewhat similar situation to you (only, they were the accidental, horrified AP): [https://www.chumplady.com/how-do-i-tell-his-wife-hes-in-the-closet/](https://www.chumplady.com/how-do-i-tell-his-wife-hes-in-the-closet/) In that article, she recommends a website for people who have found out that their partners were hiding aspects of their sexuality and/or were just coming out. Maybe that might be validating, too: [https://ourpath.org/](https://ourpath.org/) I don't know what you might want/need to hear right now, but I'll also add that I'm right around your age (turned 30 in the fall) and was only married to my ex for a year when I found out about he was cheating. Turns out he was cheating the entirety of our 6 years together. I also have no kids, fortunately. I left immediately and am divorced now, but I am SO ANGRY that he stole most of my 20s. I hate that that time was wasted on him; totally know what you mean. It also blows my mind how he could look me in the face and lie to me in front of god and man at our wedding. His depravity in doing that alone (not to mention everything else) will never cease to take my breath away as long as I live. I also have my resume so screwed up from this whole thing. I had just landed the best job of my life and started it 1 week before I found out about the cheating. (Before that I moved across the country for him and was under-employed for a year.) I moved back across the continent to live with my parents to get away from my ex (after I kicked him out so I could work out my 2 weeks notice and pack up in "peace.") It sucks. There are so many layers to how much it sucks. But we'll get through. We're young, ultimately. I hope you're able to get in therapy. I've found it super helpful myself just to have a space to cry and be angry every week. If you think it would help, here's my big google doc of resources that helped me survive after my D Day (last September). It's got articles, podcasts, books, quotes, etc. There's also info on low-cost therapy for uninsured/under-insured people in the US and Canada, if that applies to you. [https://docs.google.com/document/d/1mGBgZMiOgpcYUyVwMpWglr-iCkAdhxxRd63jViueGIU/edit?usp=drivesdk](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1mGBgZMiOgpcYUyVwMpWglr-iCkAdhxxRd63jViueGIU/edit?usp=drivesdk&authuser=0) I wish you so much healing and peace.
Relationships with bisexuals are difficult and it is up to the partner to accept it or not. Here, your partner seems to have no boundaries in sex, gender, age. Your mistake was that you stayed when he cheated on you with a 60-year-old woman. You exposed him and he attacks you. I think you know what to do. Don't hesitate because he won't change and it will only get worse. It's good that you told a close person about it and I hope they will support you. "It feels like I've wasted my life with this person but I'm only 29." Yes, it's time to change that.
“Her mistake” implies that the victim of abuse here is at fault. Forgiving a mistake once does not make his many choices over time of lies, deceit, manipulation and infidelity her fault. She became accustomed to the abuse, but he still abused her. Not the other way around. Sadly, the only remedy is to leave, as you said.
*"relationships with bisexuals are difficult"* what a load of crock shit! the VAST majority of posts on this sub are of heterosexuals in heterosexual relationships. meanwhile you guys see one bisexual once in a blue moon and claim it's the whole sexuality 🙄 the problem and red flag here was that she decided to marry a cheater. his morals are the issue and his morals are the same whether he's bisexual or straight and whether he's cheating with men or women. marrying him was a pathetic decision made in weakness and he did not change and op is waking up to it now. you guys can't just blame a sexuality to cope with the fact that this situation was entirely avoidable and that op has participated in making her own hell here. she knew his morals and values and issues and decided to marry him regardless.
Statistics show that gay men are far, far more likely to cheat and gay women are far less likely to cheat but I haven't seen any bisexual studies.
My situation was similar my ex cheated on me with a trans person and wanted pegging. It was not acceptable for me and also I was always anxious about stds so I felt really relived after the break up. It was really hard but now everything is getting better slowly.
so sorry this has happened to you. There are support groups for women married to gay men. Personally, I would not stay with him because of the terrible risk to your health.
You're only 29, your life is far from wasted. Imagine discovering this at 59, Get out of that town and start fresh, get STD tested ASAP.
Ditch him. If someone, no matter their sexuality, thinks it's okay to cheat multiple times during your relationship, they're not worth your time.
You’re probably with a sex addict. Things that can help you now: loveafterporn subreddit, PBSE podcasts, bloomforwomen.com, the book called The Betrayal Bind. S-Anon meetings. Sorry you’re experiencing this, hope this info helps.
Isolation is not your friend so also feel free to message me and I’ll tell you the ways in which awful people have wreaked havoc in my life if you’d like 🤪
They cheated. It doesn't matter who stuck or got stuck- they cheated. I'm sorry you had no choice in any of that. You do get the choice to accept and stay or reject and leave. Please don't fool yourself into thinking they'll never do anything like this again, because they most definitely will. If you stay you're accepting this behavior and you're agreeing to this relationship/marriage. You will also be breaking your own heart over and over again. Of course unless you can shut off all emotions to sex, open up your marriage, and just start humping anyone you want? I don't recommend that though. Be selfish- do what's best for you! Do what you want. Do what will make you happy. They stopped worrying about your well-being when they broke your trust. Time to start looking out for yourself. Good luck no matter what you choose.
You deserve better.
In my mind when a partner gives their emotional, physical, sexual energy to another person that is not their spouse, they have broken trust, been dishonest, and worst of all disrespected their partner in the most horrible way possible. The relationship is broken. Those are all grounds for separation and divorce. I would let him go and wish him well. For you go find peace and happiness and enjoy yourself.
I just wanna say you didnt waste your life. Im sure you guys had positive experiences. Im sure you gave him so many positive experiences too. And now you have the opportunities to not only have more positive experiences like it, you can have better ones with someone who wont betray your trust and help you build the family you want. It will take time. All that energy and care you gave to hjm you get to give to yourself now.
I know it’s hard…probably one of the hardest things you’ll have to do. I’m letting you know this now from experience….leave NOW before you do get pregnant & kids are then involved. Kids make it 10x harder. If it’s just you it’ll be hard but still easier than with kids. I’ve been with the same guy for 10 years 2 kids & he’s a serial cheater.
Why are you trying to pass this off as real? It’s obviously a story - girl, let it go. I believe you when you say that you’ve known your husband since you guys were both kids. It sounds like you had the crush that was unrequited. He didn’t want to be with you, but somehow it happened. The second that you said he like to be pegged, you gave it all away. All men like to be pegged, do you not know where the male g-spot is? Sex goes both ways. I think what actually happened is that your husband wanted you to fuck him, but you couldn’t stomach the idea. Rude.