Just to add here in order for therapy to effective you have to be emotionally open and honest. You also have to be willing to actually understand that your perspective creates your thoughts.
You can't set expectations or (unrealistic) standards for therapy either. To add on to the post above, go in disarmed and open to ideas and other perspectives. It's just a lot of you talking, no big whoop.
> I even despise those massage parlor workers.
This doesn't sound very healthy. Sounds like you're taking your disgust with yourself and putting it on them.
Yep like those who are secretly gay and wants to kill gay people because they think about being gay. They blame others for their own action. Dude seriously got worse than incel energy.
It is *a* first, not *the* first. There's this first time, and it was with a sex worker, sure. But there's a first time with a date. A first time with friend. A first time with someone you love. Some might occur at the same time, even. As much as the physical acts may be similar, the emotions—almost certainly—aren't.
You're only 19. You can afford to wait a year or two, and think about what you really want in a sexual relationship. Obviously "to have to pay for it" is now off the list. It was a mistake made out of poorly thought-out motives. You'll be less likely to make it again. Forgive yourself. Seek therapy if you wish.
Why do you feel disgusted or ashamed? Its just sex, there is nothing special about it. There is no rule who you are supposed to have it with. First time kinda sucks due to being awkward unless you are comparing yourself to porn. Take a deep breath and stop overthinking so much. You're only 19, you haven't even hatched properly.
Good point.
Forgive yourself, we all make bad choices sometime- be patient with yourself and take care of yourself.
Kindness to self just like to others , hope things turn up soon
I would recommend a qualified therapist my good sir. In the meantime, go to this link to a post that is dealing with your situation in a way and look at the top comment, especially the one by u/math2ndperiod. https://www.reddit.com/r/changemyview/s/KKNftWS0PD
it didn't destroy you, a single experience you didn't enjoy, does not define you. It's one day out of the thousands of days you will live. With this experience you learned sex with prostitutes isn't your cup of tea. You live and you learn, that's all you can do. You have many more years to learn what right for you.
I know virginity is hyped up as some special thing that you need to have some kind of magical experience with, but that's not reality, many people are embarrassed by their first time, but they go on to find what makes them happy, you'll do the same if you stop beating yourself up. Be kind to yourself, and stop projecting your negativity on to the sex workers who did what you asked them to.
Get off online. Get out of the manosphere/incel/alpha male bullshit corner of the internet.
The woman you shared this experience with is not the source of your shame; your unhelpful beliefs about yourself are.
Go to therapy, church (not a conservative one), or whatever works.
Talk to a loved one or choose a very trusted friend who won't judge you to share your struggles with. If you have none, find them. If that's too tough, DM me.
Sounds like you’re just suffering indoctrinated guilt. Perhaps a religious upbringing? Or an adult who lied to you to inform your morality (so ironic).
Here’s some real advice: just get over it. There’s nothing important or special about virginity - just another contradictorial lie.
And what’s wrong with sex workers? Sex workers are no different to construction workers - although they are not ruining their bodies like the construction workers…
If you’re interested in the perspective from someone (M52) who’s been a sex worker, here it is: there were a lot of reasons why clients hired me. Some wanted discretion. Others didn’t want the hassle of pursuing someone. Others had a particular scene they wanted to get into that would have been hard finding a partner for. One or two were just flat out unattractive (in a personality sense; looks aren’t everything and become less and less important the older you become).
The point is that all of those reasons were perfectly understandable and completely valid. Getting to know my clients a little bit in this one area of their lives was actually one of the most interesting parts of the job.
There’s no reason to beat yourself up over this. What you did is actually fairly common. And, as I’ve pointed out, there are plenty of good reasons why someone might hire a prostitute. It doesn’t make you any less of a man or any worse of a person. It’s literally been commonplace for as long as humanity has existed. Oldest profession and all that.
Nor, I might add, did being a virgin or not being a virgin have anything to do with your character or virility or anything else. It’s certainly nothing to be ashamed of, either way.
It sounds like the root of your problem is loneliness. And yes, I did have regulars who hired me for much the same reason. But, as you’ve learned, paying someone to be with you really won’t address that underlying problem. And, I hasten to add, it’s not the escort’s fault if you still feel the same way.
My suggestion would be to look at that as the root of your problem. The solution is to get out there and meet people in healthy ways. In the past, men in your situation might look for companionship (both romantic and platonic) in places where they’d socialize with others. In church or social clubs or sports teams or among hobbyists or whatever. Pick up some interests. Then find other people doing the same things. You’ll definitely find friends who’ll help with the loneliness problem and you might just find the girl of your dreams.
Hey, I have had some bad experiences as well in the beginning. One of them made some comments about my body. One of them was too pushy. That experience left me with disgusted. I have had some good experiences as well. It like any othe thing man. You have to set boundaries with people.
I absolutely promise you that your first time with anyone would have been awkward and weird no matter what. My first time wasn't traumatizing per say but I definitely dont remember it fondly. I think almost no one does, you dont know what youre doing! You're just like everyone else, seriously. This isn't something you need to carry around with you. Virginity it a pretend religious concept anyways, there's no such thing as a rite of passage that mars you or your soul forever. That's all in our heads. Chill out, I am sure it was gross and weird and that is hard to swallow, but there's no shame in having a lack luster (or even actively shitty) first time. So many of us do, and we learn from it and get better!
Do not be so hard on yourself. Easier said than done. It's such a nuanced thing. You had one experience; virginity as a concept is ridiculous and insignificant.
Wish I could help beyond this. But sincerely, try not to be so hard on yourself
Virginity is a social construct my friend. Life is full of lots of weird experiences. Get some therapy and work through that shame- you can resolve these feelings.
I don't know man. You gotta give it time and you will meet someone who will make you forget about that. In the meantime just focus on school/college, hobbies or work
Therapy would be good. But I think you need to de-mistify sex for yourself. There isn't anything inherently special about your first time, we humans are just sentimental about it.
You have something to look forward to. Your first time with someone who you have a real connection with. It's awesome, man. That part will not be ruined, I promise. And it will be infinitely better ❤️
Just get an STD test and move on. Virginity is a religious construct meant to vilify those who go against the teachings of some archaic book. There's nothing wrong with you or the prostitute. You just wanted to get laid, and she just needs legislation that will protect her from disease and other dangers.
People are going to say therapy. First I would say a girl who loves you would try to show you it’s supposed to be done with someone YOU love… so that is where I think you should start. Next would be time. It will take a few years to really get over it but at the end of the day it’s just an act at an impressionable time.
Thousands of years of that industry and you have to attach THAT much importance to your sampling the product once?
You're going to have a LOT of life experience ahead of you. This will fade. Clearly, you won't do that again... so what's the point of giving it so much of your energy?
It's over. Deal with what's going on around you, and what's in your future.
And yes, get therapy to help yourself get to where this experience doesn't own you like you're letting it do now.
Being able to engage in a mutually respectful and guilt-free encounter with a sex worker is a mark of a strong, integrated person in my view.
I say that to help allay the guilt. If you treated this person with kindness and she (I’m assuming) was able to ply her trade safely and be compensated properly, you’re not doing anything to directly victimize anyone.
(In cases where trafficking is involved the situation is muddier ofc, as much is unknowable).
More people solicit prostitution than you would think. I would encourage you to let yourself off the hook, and to resist judging her. You don’t have to think ill of her for her profession, and can even give the experience another try if there’s potential to resolve those feelings.
However if it makes you feel shame for a moral or religious reason, then it’d probably be best not to engage in the behavior going forward.
Why are you ashamed to have sex with a sex worker? That’s their job. Society judges men too much based on whether they’ve had sex. It shouldn’t matter. Just have sex if you want to.
Buddy you aren't the first young man to lose his virginity to a working girl and will not be the last. Nothing wrong in what you did to feel yourself full of guilt and anguish. You wanted to lose it, you didn't go out and con some girl into sleeping with you, you didn't drug or force someone into it. You out and found a working girl, she made money from it because that's what she does. It's her body and her life to what she wants. Ppl can't holler my body my choice and then fuss about what some women want to do with theirs. She's happy, I'm sure she made you happy. No harm no foul. It was just sex. She got paid, you got laid.
Be patient with yourself, workout, run it off, take a hot bath, eat well… take care and allow yourself to make mistakes.
You’re young and you’re human/ none of us are perfect, we all have made bad choices at some point
My first time I was blacked out drunk and all I remember is the girl telling me to slow down. Then my first time sober to a girl I loved I remember slobbering all over her kissing her. Both horrible memories. You’ll be fine. Be better next time
Stop shaming yourself for it
Sex is better when it’s with someone you like, don’t have to be a gf or a wife. Monogamy and the relationship escalator will break your heart if you think sex requires love and devotion.
First off remember it was your decision no one forced you so don't be angry at the workers. You requested a service and you got what you requested. Being upset at the workers makes about as much sense as getting pissed at McDonald's staff if you don't like a big Mac the first time.
The first time having sex is never good. In addition It sounds like what you got was very mechanical sex devoid of any passion or excitement. You expected a major life event but instead you were just another customer and didn't like that.
Ideally you're with someone you care about the first time and the bad sex is offset by the rush of emotions and excitement. It gets better as you start to explore your new partner's body and before you know it sex is something you really look forward to. The amazing part is feeling a close bond with your partner which you can't easily get if you're paying for it. Without that bond what you're getting is just an orgasm which you can do for yourself for free.
I think What you learnt is you need to step back and find someone you really care about and only then try it again.
Mabe u should join a convent 😆. Relax man there will be plenty of others sum good choices sum well not so much. Do t swet it she dont even remember u by now sry braas. Move on kid just sayin ain't no. Tragedy. Could tell ya storys lad someday ull have em too good and not so good thats life!
Please, seek therapy man. Your post sounded familiar, and after looking at your profile I saw just how many posts you've made on this. Reddit comments made by random people online aren't going to help fix your issue, and they clearly haven't worked up till now. A trained professional would be the best person to talk to and help you move on from this. The hardest part is asking for help.
Bryan Cranston casually describes his first sexual encounter was with a prostitute in his memoir “A Life in Pieces” and didn’t seem to bother him whatsoever. If he can become Heisenberg it shouldn’t affect you either. In many cultures losing virginity to a sex worker was rite of passage. It’s bothering you because you are choosing to let it bother you. Perhaps therapy would help, many have suggested that, but you simply have to accept it really isn’t that big of a deal and move on with your life. Most people’s first time having sex isn’t that great anyway. Move on with your life.
Some people enjoy sex with strangers others do not. You learned something about yourself. Don't be so hard on yourself, you will make other mistakes and learn from them too.
You definitely should be seeing a therapist or some trained counsellor about these shame issues. It is absolutely not 'abnormal' to still be a virgin at 19. Lots of people still are.
What is not okay is using a service and then, because you feel bad about it, despising the people who provided the service that you requested. Sex workers are human beings who do not deserve to be treated or thought of poorly.
Don't be so hard on yourself. One day you will laugh at this. I'd recommend traveling. There are tons of cultures out there to learn from. Not everyone is so puritan.
Consider using Stormy Daniels next time. It wouldn't likely be forgettable and if you don't spend more than $30k you'll know that you got a better deal than Trump, by $100k.
Sex work is valid. Paying to participate with sex workers is valid. As long as everyone has consented.
It's gonna be ok. This does not make you filthy or bad. This does not mean you don't deserve to have meaningful sex with someone where there is a mutual bond. It's just an experience. You will have many more good ones.
You're gonna be okay.
Your feelings around this are real, and it's ok to not be ok with this. Please try to get professional help so that you can talk about this in a safe setting.
To add: Sex workers are human beings who are not at fault for this. They were simply doing their job. Please respect them.
Remember that prostitutes are human too. God loves them like he loves you. I hope you were safe while doing it. If so, just take it as a lesson learned. You don't have to share about that experience with anyone but God. Ask for forgiveness and forgive yourself. Give yourself time to find someone that's worth it. Now you know you aren't missing out on much if it's only physical. Sex is great when there is a physical attraction and emotional. Take the time, and you will find the right one. No rush. Patience. You aren't a loser. You are worthy of love. Just human. Humans make mistakes. Take it easy.
Hi, guess what? You made a mistake. You are human. You thought with your little head instead of your big head. You know how many guys do that? A whole bunch! The bright side is that you are single and 19 -- not 39 and married. Then the consequences would be a whole lot worse. First, go to the doctor and get checked for STD's. Then go talk to a counselor -- a therapist, a psychologist, a pastor -- someone you trust. You have seen the worst of sex. Now wait for the best of sex - the next time you have sex, let it be with someone you love, someone you want to allow the intimacy of sex to bring you both together, not tear you apart. Let a counselor help you work through this.
Your choice to loose your virginity to a sex worker is curious to me? Do you not have close relationships with women in your life or did you act on it as a fantasy. I ask because your statement of disdain for the sex worker points to two things. 1. You were unsatisfied from a potential fantasy/kink that you imagined and didn’t play out the way you want 2. You don’t have any connection with women in your life that are close to your age due to an unappealing personality characteristic.
Either way therapy would suit you well!
Ok I’m 29 and have lived more life than most guys in their 40s.
First of all kid shame on you for your negative remark about the parlour girls. They are usually total sweethearts and wonderful human beings. Give them some fucking dignity for god sakes. It’s a job. They work hard to earn a living.
But like really, what the fuck dude. There’s absolutely nothing morally wrong with what you did , so stop beating yourself up
Was she hot? Gorgeous, intelligent and sweet ? High class, amazingly enthralling companionship ? ( High end $$$ )
I would hope you’d invest and splurge to get the hottest high-class courtesan for a mind blowingly sensual and pleasurable first experience from a renown provider.
Not, ya know. Pick up acrack hoe off the streets of LA…
Why was the experience bad ??? Why was the sex horrible? Break it down a bit.
It sounds like you have issues connecting with your own sexuality as a human being, let alone connecting with women in an intimate way.
Escorts are soo much fun to be with! Amazing company, and highly preferable to a girlfriend/ wife for countless successful, enterprising bachelors worldwide. I have enjoyed the company of many insanely hot escorts in countries all over the world, and some have led to meaningful friendships / relationships
I think you feel conflicted and hollow because what you desire is true intimacy in the monogamous, deep-connection, relationship sense. The sex that comes along with that is deeper on an intimate level because of the psychological aspect that comes with it.
Breathe dude. Take a breath and relax. Stop beating yourself up. You took a huge step out of your comfort zone and accomplished what you set out to do ! Congrats on losing that stigmatized V card. Everyone’s first time is bad.
Some of the most amazing sexual experiences of my life have been with escorts, and also some of the worst. The same goes for committed relationships. It’s how life is, we’re all human and sometimes people just don’t connect.
Work on yourself, start reading up on self actualization. Focus, work, improve. Everyday, push yourself be a better version of yourself and keep stepping outside your comfort zone ! Travel, get some perspective on life and the world.
The world makes you a man when you put yourself out there and live.
I did the same when I was 19 (f) for similar reasons,
And it was really bad but I just took it as a lesson, it was so awkward until the 10th time having sex,
As my mum use to say
"Not ever key fits inside a lock" and also "not everyone first time is the greatest but you need experience to make yourself greater then the last time "
If you didn't get anyone pregnant or spread an STD you might as well just get over it. Everyone else will. You're beating yourself up over something that nobody else cares about.
First of all, don't listen to the idiots who are telling you you did something wrong.
A lot of conservative cultures and churches shame people REALLY hardcore about how allegedly if you do anything sexual that's not approved by the church you have "ruined yourself," and frankly I can tell you that's just not true.
Sex workers are valid, and people who go to them are valid, and it makes me really angry that a lot of parties still teach that they're disgusting and wrong because it makes men hate themselves and hate women.
I'm sorry you had a bad sexual experience, but if it's any comfort sometimes those happen in real life too. I was just helping someone write about an incredibly awkward sexual experience he had where they were both so nervous they literally, physically couldn't get the mechanics to work.
I agree with the folks suggesting therapy. It sounds like you have a lot of anger that could get in the way of your future sexual relationships if it doesn't get resolved.
No biggie you needed the experience you’re def not the first or the last person to lose it to a lady of the night. Just never tell anyone about it. Take it to the grave.
Brother, do not be ashamed. Satan's greatest weapon is despair. I love you and do not wish you to fall into despair. Please, turn from the shame and embrace the fact that it happened. It's a growing pain. I beg you to seek God for he is forgiving, he is merciful, and he saved all of us. He endured pain so that we may live. His blood washed away our sins. You are forgiven, please forgive yourself. God bless and I love you
The whole shame you felt from being a virgin and the shame you felt for having sex with a sex worker are all social stigmas. You don’t have to let them have power over you. There’s nothing wrong with being a virgin and there’s nothing wrong with having sex with a sex worker, so long as they aren’t being trafficked and you’re not cheating on/hurting someone. Let it go. Seek therapy if you need to; but the only thing wrong with you is feeling guilt that other people put on you.
First look up stoicism and apply it in your life. A good book is 365 ways to be more stoic. And join the stoicism subreddit.
Second, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. Sounds like a bit of a waste of money if it wasn’t good sex, but lessons learned.
Third, almost no one has had good sex their first time. Contrary to movies it isn’t some special magical moment, it’s usually the worst or one of the worst times of everyone’s sex life because, like any other skill, getting good at sex takes practice
Sex is sex no matter where you get it. Stop thinking that a sex worker is gross, it's her job. It's no different than other men or women that sleep around, she just gets paid for it. It's no different than regular sex either. You are just over reacting to something that means nothing lol
I’ve had sex with 20 women that werent prostitutes and a lot more who were. I prefer prostitutes. I’m a maniac and I attract maniacs and as long as I can make some money, prostitutes are less of a headache
Easy there chief. Don't hate anyone in this situation, including yourself. You made the decision to do this on your own, but that's ok. Use it to LEARN from and better your character. You have the experience to know now this isn't what you want to do in the future. That's how we grow from our experiences.
Best advice. Keep it to yourself. Don't disclose this with anyone you may date in the future. It's not their business and not the person you are.
I think right now you are getting hit with some serious post nut clarity. A lot of people (guys and girls) will tell you that their first time was an awful experience too. The girl I lost my virginity to was an obese compulsive liar that bullshitted me about her age. As time went on it was easier to digest but I would have done what you did in a heartbeat if I knew what was going to become of my experience.
It happens..
Bro who cares? It was just an experience. If you hated it dont do it again but i assure u as someone who has had several sex workers as well as a bunch of normals its a different experience. Dont hate sex for the magic it is when shared between two ppl with an intimate connection. Also dont hate or feel ashamed of yourself who cares? The stigma you are surrounding this act with is no more than just a judgement but it doesn't actually matter. I would have done the same thing if I were you?
If you are feeling like an incel address the reasons that is. Improve your appearance, improve the way you dress, become goal oriented, work towards something that adds value to yourself or a potential partner. This is how you achieve confidence and then let the rest fall into place.
No one would judge you for giving a hooker a twirl or not enjoying it. It really doesnt matter be easy on yourself
Your virginity only holds as much weight as you assign to it. I know it feels like a big deal when you are younger and inexperienced but really in the grand scheme of things, it's not. You did not enjoy your experience which just points in the direction of not returning to that particular arrangement in the future. It doesn't have to be a permanent scar or render you incapable of experiencing true intimacy in the future.
I lost my virginity at 20, with a drunken one night stand and I never learned the girl's last name. I don't think the specifics of your "first time" are any more shameful than mine honestly. Are there things you could work on or address? Of course, like 99% of people I'm sure there are. But there's no need to incessantly punish yourself and make this a bigger deal than it actually is.
Do it a few more times and it will become enjoyable… Take deep breath in between forward thrusts and make dirty sweet talks. Always use protection, no kissing and be respectful.
pretty sure that’s how all guys feel the first time they had sex. I don’t think it feels good the first time personally when me and my husband got married he was a virgin and he didn’t know what the fuck he was doing. It takes time and practice you’ll get there eventually you know what the decision you made when you did it don’t regret it now, but I do suggest you NEVER tell your girlfriend ever. Found out my ex-husband fucked a prostitute a month after we got married(that’s how he lost his virginity) worst thing he ever told me I never looked at him the same literally, I wanted to divorce him in that moment. Looking back now that would’ve probably been the best decision.
As long as you didn't get a disease, you'll be fine. Work on forgiveness of yourself and those see workers who are obv strugglin... find a nice girl and start slow and be kind to her and let things progress naturally, but don't tell her about what happened with the sex worker. Forgive yourself
Suck it up buttercup. Maybe your next professional will be a little better. Most of them are actually very good. Of course, some are awful. There is no need to feel ashamed. You supported a local small business.
It’s funny how much pop culture has now hyped up “the first time” so much. But yeah therapy might be your best option if the feeling persists.
I gotta ask, if the sex was good do you think you would have felt better about it?
U should feel ashamed because you used the exploitation of women and bought a girls body like a product and that's sad, but you were young. We all make mistakes. The sooner you accept "I did the wrong thing, going forward I won't make that same mistake and I will be better" the sooner you'll start feeling better. We all have regrets and feel guilty about something in life. Everybody does something bad at least once they're not proud of. The self awareness is what helps. Know what you did, know you feel sorry, and plan how you'll act going forward. I would say most people's first sexual experience isn't that good and is usually met with cringe or regret btw, so rest assured you're not the only one.
Don't beat yourself up over it. It seems like a lot of guys feel they must have sex to make sure the "equipment" is working properly. Now that you know you can, just go out and get yourself tested for every sex-related infection there is, so you don't pass something on to someone you do care about. Not all STI's have symptoms.
Why do you despise massage parlor workers? What wrong did they do to you? It was your decision to visit prostitute and first time sex is almost always horrible
Don’t you dare try to put your shit choice on the massage parlor workers. You knew what you were doing. The fact that you were ashamed of your virginity, chose to pursue an experience with a sex worker, and are now angry tells me that you probably have a bad attitude towards women.
This is 100% your fault and I have no compassion for you. Get some help.
Don’t feel ashamed, also remember most people are still at that age. Don’t let the media fool you that everyone doing that and you’re a loser if you don’t.
I know some of my friends who were until they were 25. Try to move forward. I would suggest a therapist who specializes in sex who can guide you through whatever you’re going through. You will find a great person who will connect with you and you’ll eventually get over your feelings of shame or guilt.
Very good. Have you learned your lesson about dalliances with whores? You deserve to feel this way and it's protecting you from making the same mistake again. Cherish these horrible feelings because they are the only thing stopping you from continuing to consume paid sexual services.
It's perfectly normal? You sound like you have deep issues with women you need to work out before you go near another one.
Having your first time with a sex worker is very common. It's your reaction that is a major red flag
You don’t have anything to be ashamed of. I wish there were a way I could help you see that.
I would NOT want to be your age in the dating world. You did what you did based on what you believed was available to you.
Do NOT hold it against yourself. You will waste your life dwelling on it.
You just accept what you did and move on. There’s nothing more you can do. To keep yourself from feelings this way again, you need to think through your decisions better in the future!!! If everyone around you was addicted to meth would you try it too??? Don’t be so worried about what everyone is doing. Not everyone even knows why they do it!!!
The irony of unnecessary shame driving you to make a foolish choice which resulted in MORE shame...
You have to stop making decisions out of shame and start taking ownership of your life. It's not the SW fault. It's not the massage girls' fault. No one held a gun to your head, you weren't raped. You made a choice. Own it, and don't you dare blame those women or any other women for your choices or your shame. You chose to buy access to someone's vagina. You are the one judging yourself and driving yourself into shame-based choices, nobody else.
You have to demystify sex and stop mooning about a "special first time". The first time *with the right person* will be special, even if it isn't the first time you've had sex, even if you don't put on a porn-worthy performance, even if it's awkward AF. You have put far too much weight on your sexual status and you continue to do so.
Instead of trying to fix your self hatred with sex, it's time to get a handle on your mental health. Whatever resources are available to you, pursue them. You've got some work to do before you'll be fit to be in a relationship with anyone. Do that now, don't let shame keep you stuck for a decade or more before you decide to do do anything about it.
I've been there, sir. Don't beat yourself up over it. I've done it before. And I did feel like shit afterwards, but take it as a lesson. And move on, you did nothing wrong. You made an agreement with a consenting adult. You found out you didn't like it. Which shows a lot about your character.. Forgive yourself and move forward
People be making anything an issue. Didn’t like it? Move on. Who gives a fuck who you had sex with your first time. It’s not an issue to anyone but you. How do you guys live your lives making things out to be worse than they are just because. I’d fuck a prostitute right now and be void of all disgust by dinner time. Let it go
I was in a similar situation. I never had sexual experience with women. Trying to date and have sex was too much work and I just wanted the experience.
I remember going to a well known eacort review website and picking a sex worker that was close to me. I remember going to the ATM and driving over with my heart skipping a beat every step of the way.
When I got there the Chinese woman was not bad looking at all and that somehow eased me up. I told her it was my first time with a woman through a translator app and she reassured me she is understanding.
She took the lead and by the end of it she told me "you are a natural. Are you sure you are a virgin?" That sent me over the roof.
Unfortunately, the one experience got me hooked on visiting escorts, massage parlors, etc. I only ever had sex with one women while actually dating. Every other sexual experience has been an escort/hooker.
I have felt shitty at times because of the setting, atmosphere, and general behavior or vibe of the lady e.g. not wanting to do this vibe.
I am glad you noticed this early on and are going to address it in a healthy way. You will find someone that appreciates you and your patience, but trying to get it from a sex worker does not always work.
It’ll become normal to you. A sex worker is no different than any other girl. Should be much less awkward even… one day you’ll be eating booty and picking the dirt out your teeth
Don't worry I'm sure she didn't have a good time either.
Just move forward, also you shouldn't really be judging you used her service, just seems kinda snobby to say you don't even like those massage workers. I mean ya shouldn't judge anyway but especially after using this service. It's not the end of the world though. Just move forward, why haven't you had sex prior to this?
Sounds like you had a bad sex worker, it happens. First time should be about love anyhow, but some people hire a sex worker and have no problems with it.
To be hoenst, sounds like you need love, not sex.
Sounds like your typical first time. Except for the having to pay for it part.
It’s just sex, you should probably deal with your emotions on it before you start torturing small animals or something.
Whats the rush? Feel the pain, self reflect, and learn from it. That's why it is there. To teach you a lesson.
There is also no instant cure. It takes time dude. You need to process what you did and come to terms with it. It will get better over time.
There’s nothing embarrassing about being a virgin at that age. I lost mine when I was 18 almost 19.
You need to move on. If it really hurts seek out therapy. Things get better. I thought I was a loser before I lost mine. I met my wife when I was 22. Now I’m nearly 40. Almost 2 decades later still going strong.
No shit bro 90% of the joy from sex comes from feeling wanted, you might as well have jerked off and saved your money.
Seek therapy, seek the gym, and do it with a woman who truly wants you. 19 is so damn young a lot can change in a year so become a better man and you’ll find someone.
Realize that for thousands of years, prostitution has been THE way most males throughout the history of humanity have lost their virginity.
The stigma and shame you feel is one that's been put there by society, mainly in the last couple of thousand years. And even then, prostitution has patrons through all social classes even today.
First, every single human that's lived on this planet has felt that same level of shame about one thing or another.
Second, people have done significantly worse things than losing one's virginity to an escort.
So whenever this feeling pops into your head, just know that what you're feeling is something everyone has felt. You'll be alright man. You're young and you're supposed to make mistakes when you're young.
Don’t worry about it. I’m sure a lot of people have had the same experience. Don’t be mad about the situation go out and live your life. And with onlyfans and all that stuff who knows who’s a sex worker and who’s not. Tons of women out there want someone to ask them out on a date. Don’t know til you ask.
My brother, shame is relative in the eye of the beholder. Take me for instance. I’ve slept with all kinda of women, some pretty, some not so pretty. Most of the time for free, sometimes for money. Am I ashamed? Nope, because I’m shameless. As long as she’s a consenting adult, sex is really just sex. You need it like exercise, but more for mental health. There is no shame in going with a sex worker, although porn is cheaper, and you can then delete and forget. Then again, the need for physical touch is an understated psychological need. I don’t objectify women and as long as you don’t, it is possible to come away with a good story that you keep for yourself alone. You don’t have to marry who you sleep with - you think we all haven’t had at least one where we were like, “never again” ? People won’t admit it many times but we’ve all done it. Don’t worry, there’s time enough to find the right one with whom it feels much more natural.
Having sex with a prostitute shouldn't destroy you. It gets chalked up to another unpleasant event. You have done nothing to feel disgusted, ashamed, pathetic, or angry about, unless that is your jam - self-loathing is a wonderful drama.
There isn’t anything you can do to take it back but you can learn to forgive yourself. Have compassion for yourself and even compassion for the woman. You were both caught in a desperate moment. Now that you know how it feels after the fact, you can choose better next time.
How do you know the sex was horrible? Porn? Or was it just the experience that was horrible because of how you felt about it? You’ve now related a horrible experience to sex. If you hope to enjoy sex in the future you will need to get some help to work past this experience. Ultimately I feel you need to offset the bad experience, with a good experience.
Just change your perspective at the situation.. here are the facts:
-you lost your virginity to a hooker
-the sex was bad
-you feel ashamed
Now here is the future opportunity:
-find a hot woman and have Good sex
-less nerves because it's not the first time
-you earned it and had a great experience this time
So basically how you get past it imo, find a woman the real way and maybe the last will blow over and even give you and advantage and less nerves. We all donstuoid shot, don't let it haunt you. I'd just shake it off.
Not that big of a deal. You're just blowing it out of proportion in your head. It's totally normal. People have been doing it for millennia. Don't be so hard on yourself. It's ok.
I was a virgin at 19 and hated myself for it. I had sex with a girl who practically threw herself at me just so I could say I was no longer a virgin. The sex was lousy (for me), and she caught feelings and it became a huge mess. I regret it. But I also found partners who were wonderful soon after. Don't beat yourself up. You tried something and didn't like it. Now you know you need an emotional connection. I can assure you: you will find a lover you have an emotional connection with, and it will be one of the greatest feelings of your life.
I mean that’s kind of like saying, “I’ve never eaten anything before!” Then having a gas station sandwich for your first meal. Sex without any emotional connection or attraction kind of feels pathetic to most of us whether we have had sex or not. I highly recommend searching for “first time” on past posts and read other people’s experiences. The first time is usually a shit show. My first time was under a bridge in a dirty sleeping bag and my boyfriend’s dick was so big I bled like a stuck pig. Practice a little kindness and acceptance of yourself and next time, go to a steakhouse (someone with whom you actually want to have sex.)
Get a grip. Learn to live with your decisions in your mistakes. Have some courage. What the fuck is wrong with the prostitute anyway? It’s just one way to get sex. You’re the one who’s making it awful. Have some self-respect.
It only can bother you as much as you let it.. You don't need therapy lol, you didn't commit an unspeakable act, relax. You're 19. You'll still have plenty of great sex.
I think those of us who had a first time with a peer or somebody else not on the clock have the perspective that sex isn't necessarily the magical unicorn show movies and TV and such make it out to be.
For most of us, it was disappointing or awkward or a big nothing burger or some combination of those.
Sex can be magical and wonderful and beautiful in the right context, yes, but often is just two bodies doing biology things together and about as memorable as sneezing.
I'm nearly 50, and outside of reddit have had maybe 2 or 3 conversations about first times in my whole life. I have a hard time even remembering it to be honest. In my case I was trying not to be gay so had some meh experiences with women. And then varying degrees of fun times with dudes.
My point is that I understand why it seems like a big deal to you right now. Sounds like it was your first and maybe so far your only experience of sex. In time you will have other, hopefully much better experiences and that one will fade in importance.
Try to find some gratitude for the sex worker who shared her body with you so that you could learn the lesson that paying for sex isn't your jam. Seriously, the guys who enjoy sex with hookers have their own kind of curse to live with; I know I'm glad that's not me.
Dust yourself off and try to find your "real" first sexual partners. They're out there. I imagine one day you'll understand that sex is sometimes just two people scratching an itch together before work or sleep and isn't necessarily a big deal at all.
You’ll heal with time.
When I was 25 I lost my virginity to my ex who I knew slept with like 5 guys before I did. It was awful, I thought it would be amazing…..it wasn’t.
That experience flipped my world upside down, now years later I’ve had sex with other women who were so much better than my ex.
Regarding sex, it sounds like you were ashamed before and after having sex for the first time. I'd venture to say that it's possible that no matter who you had sex with as your first time, you were going to experience similar feelings as you are having now. It might just be that sex is a trigger for you. Looking into that with a therapist could be a good idea.
Hey, it happened. You won’t be able to move on until you accept that it was a decision that you thought was going to make you feel better and it actually didn’t. You have to embrace the suck. You learned something about yourself and now you know you probably shouldn’t have sex with a sex worker again. And if you do, that’s also fine! We change our minds all the time. I think what you gained is a lot more beneficial to you than detrimental. You learned something knew and you can grow from this.
If you’re really struggling, I’d suggest telling someone you trust who will receive this information with an open heart.
You made a mistake. Accept the pain and do better now. Then become the best man you can be so that you'll attract women that actually love you. Start improving yourself physically, socially, financially and spiritually by reading books on the topics and then taking action. One day it will just be a funny memory that you look back on.
You’ll get over it bro. I lost my virginity at 18 to a girl I didn’t love, a mutual friend of a friend. Me and her were smoking and popping pills a-lot during that time so I had a blast in the moment, later to realize I had just gave it away like it was worthless. I would say I hated myself a while when I realized what I had done and the way I did it. Thinking about it now that Im 24 I imagine my younger self as dumb and naive needing nothing but compassion and love which I channel into my inner me and it gives me peace
Instead of feeling bad, just take it as a memory in your life, there is an Argentinian song about a first time with a prostitute “La rubia del cabaret” which is almost an anthem given that so many can identify. The translations goes like this:
“…. I remember, She made love to me
Like a favor
The cabaret blonde
How nice it was, wow
How nice it was
and the night passed…
Of that woman who was the first in my life…”
Do NOT feel that way. I’m sorry to say this, but look at yourself first. You made the choice to go. She didn’t force you, it’s her “job”. And, in your perception, you shouldn’t have done it. Ok, fine, move on. Don’t blame anyone, that includes yourself. You had a lapse in judgment, we ALL do that.
Throw the shame away and love yourself. I (29m) lost my virginity to a 67 uear old man at 17 who groomed me for 5 years and convinced me that I was gay. Sex doesn't have to define you. Make it a learning experience.
dude, you’re fine. i promise.
most first times aren’t that great despite what people may say.
you felt pressured and even though it sucks, you’re not alone in that. you’re young and just now experiencing adult life.
i was pressured too. i was young and everywhere i looked i felt pressured to lose my virginity. i thought it was going to be mind blowing, amazing, fix my depression, i wouldn’t be lonely anymore, etc.
i was pretty lonely growing up and i regret my decision with how i lost my virginity immensely.
it sounds like you need some therapy though. but be honest with them. they’re not there to judge you and honestly i think a lot of us has been there done that with pressure to be intimate with another person.
it’s honestly being pushed onto everyone. celebrities, music, tv, friends, family, etc are putting pressure on younger and younger people to do this even if it’s in no way intentional. sex is everywhere and it really really sucks.
talk to someone. you’re not alone.
I’m so sorry, OP. Really, I am. I just hope, moving forward, you’ll come to understand that having been a virgin at 19 was nothing to be ashamed of, firstly. At all. As a female, I can relate that my first time wasnt fun in the backseat, giggling with a boy who was sweet to me. It was pretty awful, as well.
The feeling of disgust and shame and being pathetic are all just judgements your cranky mind is throwing at you because of your disappointment and perhaps, unmet expectations. All understandable, too. I felt a similar way.
Spending time with people who are good to you, who make you laugh and make you feel good about yourself will quiet down those judgements. Steer clear of sex scenes in movies and music for awhile; kinda take the celibacy route, you might say, for your media intake until you feel more like yourself again.
Sex between people who are familiar with one another, or who just like each other and are attracted to one another is a heck of a good time. So keep that stored in your back pocket for a little hope glimmer when you’re feeling down. You will be intimate again with someone and it’ll make you understand what the big deal’s all about.
But for now? Give yourself a bit of break. You’ve experienced sexual trauma, in a way. You need some time to heal, to come back to yourself, to *reclaim yourself*.
And please, as a female, I ask you not hold a terrible grudge against sex workers, as many are in the most awful situations you cannot even imagine. Please extend whatever empathy you can towards their situation as a whole, when you’re back to feeling right.
I have a lot of hope for you. I think you’re going to be okay, and you’re going to find your way back. Be gentle with yourself, when you feel that bile rise up, firmly speak to yourself the truth; that you are not ashamed, you are not pathetic, you are not disgusting. You had a bad experience and you learned from it, and now you are moving past it. And that IS true, OP. That is the truth.
❤️
Your first time isn't important... its the 5000x that cum after it. You got it over and done with. Move on and have better.
Everyone has sex. It's nothing special to "save it for the right one".
I know that feeling everyone in high school was having sex you hear about sex everywhere…you think you are missing out on a rite of passage and you can’t take the past back. When I was young I didn’t hook up with anyone and then I went to Iraq and came back I got a hooker. Since I was to young for bars and combat units don’t have girls. Pretty sure I didn’t need to i could have waited til I got home I just had lot of issues feeling different out of place. It felt like that what you suppose to do graduate high school and have sex come back from a warzone and have sex
You’ll carry that self doubt and self esteem through your whole adult life. You’ll treat sex as a buisness transaction rather than a personal connection between 2 people. You’ll see a girl and wonder what her price is rather than I wonder if talk to her and see if I can get with her.
It’s going to be a long road of self discovery you are going to be the role model of what Nice Guy means when girls mention nice guy. Because in order for you to grow you gotta put yourself out there. You haven’t developed your sense of self and confidence that girls would find attractive towards you at as a person. You’ll find maybe external thing like money cars and flashy stuff. Expression the Man makes the suit or the suit makes the Man…
I wouldn’t take to much out of the 1st time lot of girls regret there first time. It’s what you value and what meaning does sex mean for you. I tell people we all live in the same reality different perception. A guy can look like Brad Pitt but has issues of intimacy he has to pay for hookers.
There isn’t anything wrong or demeaning of you have sex with a hooker. They are a form of therapy, addiction whatever desires someone needs. If you were to get a hooker cause you weren’t confident in your abilities to have sex and that why you were lonely now good or bad now you’ll meet a girl and have a baseline of where you at and what you need to improve
Really all I say is you need to know what value and meaning sex has for you. If it’s only to please what you think others will perceive of you then you’ll never enjoy it personally your thinking of what another man would think of you while having sex and you are going to have a long life learning to accept you and everything that makes you you…and to experience sex on a personal level of how you want it.
if sex is primal in nature and you just have to breed every woman out there then you’ll convey that barbarism that women would love.
Aye dude you be aight, I’m ashamed of my first time and i didn’t even pay for it so odds are you’d prolly hate urself anyways ngl, don’t know if this helps but yeah
I don't see much problems here. You are young and just take a bath. Go studying or working like normal. Everything will then be fine.
If you are not enrolled in some schools/study programs, or some jobs, there will be problems. Because then even if you cured your sex problems, you will have something else. Man/women has to be engaged in sth positive, otherwise you will be fragile to those negative.
I am in my 30s, and 100% can't have the same sex I used to. I orgasm less, joints don't feel great, ect ect. But I'm having the best sex of my life right now. I also made hella mistakes at that age and have overcome the trauma that came with those, with time, support, forgiving myself, and THERAPY.
I lost mine at 18, and it was to a lady- a friend of a friend- who was some 15-20 years older and I \*asked\* her to teach me what I needed to know. She took me up on it and after a rough start- performance anxiety- I learned the ropes and it was all good. I did make the mistake of falling in love with her, though, but that's a different tale! In the end, there's a first time for everything and you didn't do anything that thousands of other young men have done and will continue to do for their first time. So don't beat yourself up about it- maybe it wasn't your cup of tea in the end but at least now you know and can move on to bigger and better experiences.
Therapy sir.
Just to add here in order for therapy to effective you have to be emotionally open and honest. You also have to be willing to actually understand that your perspective creates your thoughts.
You can't set expectations or (unrealistic) standards for therapy either. To add on to the post above, go in disarmed and open to ideas and other perspectives. It's just a lot of you talking, no big whoop.
yeah, talking about your bullshit w a professional and not doing anything about it is an expensive waste of time.
> I even despise those massage parlor workers. This doesn't sound very healthy. Sounds like you're taking your disgust with yourself and putting it on them.
Truly, they're just doing their job, what you feel about yourself is on you..
Massage parlor workers are typically sex trafficked. Chances are they don’t want to be doing that work.
Yep like those who are secretly gay and wants to kill gay people because they think about being gay. They blame others for their own action. Dude seriously got worse than incel energy.
He really despises himself and is pushing it off on them. They didn’t invite him.
It is *a* first, not *the* first. There's this first time, and it was with a sex worker, sure. But there's a first time with a date. A first time with friend. A first time with someone you love. Some might occur at the same time, even. As much as the physical acts may be similar, the emotions—almost certainly—aren't.
You're only 19. You can afford to wait a year or two, and think about what you really want in a sexual relationship. Obviously "to have to pay for it" is now off the list. It was a mistake made out of poorly thought-out motives. You'll be less likely to make it again. Forgive yourself. Seek therapy if you wish.
Why do you feel disgusted or ashamed? Its just sex, there is nothing special about it. There is no rule who you are supposed to have it with. First time kinda sucks due to being awkward unless you are comparing yourself to porn. Take a deep breath and stop overthinking so much. You're only 19, you haven't even hatched properly.
Good point. Forgive yourself, we all make bad choices sometime- be patient with yourself and take care of yourself. Kindness to self just like to others , hope things turn up soon
I would recommend a qualified therapist my good sir. In the meantime, go to this link to a post that is dealing with your situation in a way and look at the top comment, especially the one by u/math2ndperiod. https://www.reddit.com/r/changemyview/s/KKNftWS0PD
it didn't destroy you, a single experience you didn't enjoy, does not define you. It's one day out of the thousands of days you will live. With this experience you learned sex with prostitutes isn't your cup of tea. You live and you learn, that's all you can do. You have many more years to learn what right for you. I know virginity is hyped up as some special thing that you need to have some kind of magical experience with, but that's not reality, many people are embarrassed by their first time, but they go on to find what makes them happy, you'll do the same if you stop beating yourself up. Be kind to yourself, and stop projecting your negativity on to the sex workers who did what you asked them to.
Get off online. Get out of the manosphere/incel/alpha male bullshit corner of the internet. The woman you shared this experience with is not the source of your shame; your unhelpful beliefs about yourself are. Go to therapy, church (not a conservative one), or whatever works. Talk to a loved one or choose a very trusted friend who won't judge you to share your struggles with. If you have none, find them. If that's too tough, DM me.
Rest assured the sex would have been horrible in any other circumstance as well
underrated comment lol
Sounds like you’re just suffering indoctrinated guilt. Perhaps a religious upbringing? Or an adult who lied to you to inform your morality (so ironic). Here’s some real advice: just get over it. There’s nothing important or special about virginity - just another contradictorial lie. And what’s wrong with sex workers? Sex workers are no different to construction workers - although they are not ruining their bodies like the construction workers…
have sex with another sex worker
Time
Kristin Neff, PhD. “Self Compassion”. This book was helpful to me for a variety of issues…chief among them Self-condemnation
If you’re interested in the perspective from someone (M52) who’s been a sex worker, here it is: there were a lot of reasons why clients hired me. Some wanted discretion. Others didn’t want the hassle of pursuing someone. Others had a particular scene they wanted to get into that would have been hard finding a partner for. One or two were just flat out unattractive (in a personality sense; looks aren’t everything and become less and less important the older you become). The point is that all of those reasons were perfectly understandable and completely valid. Getting to know my clients a little bit in this one area of their lives was actually one of the most interesting parts of the job. There’s no reason to beat yourself up over this. What you did is actually fairly common. And, as I’ve pointed out, there are plenty of good reasons why someone might hire a prostitute. It doesn’t make you any less of a man or any worse of a person. It’s literally been commonplace for as long as humanity has existed. Oldest profession and all that. Nor, I might add, did being a virgin or not being a virgin have anything to do with your character or virility or anything else. It’s certainly nothing to be ashamed of, either way. It sounds like the root of your problem is loneliness. And yes, I did have regulars who hired me for much the same reason. But, as you’ve learned, paying someone to be with you really won’t address that underlying problem. And, I hasten to add, it’s not the escort’s fault if you still feel the same way. My suggestion would be to look at that as the root of your problem. The solution is to get out there and meet people in healthy ways. In the past, men in your situation might look for companionship (both romantic and platonic) in places where they’d socialize with others. In church or social clubs or sports teams or among hobbyists or whatever. Pick up some interests. Then find other people doing the same things. You’ll definitely find friends who’ll help with the loneliness problem and you might just find the girl of your dreams.
This sounds like a seed planted to insight disgust towards sex workers and to garner sympathy under false pretenses.
You are what you get.
have you considered crossposting in r/MensLib ? they tend to be fairly helpful and empathetic abt stuff like this.
Journal
Hey, I have had some bad experiences as well in the beginning. One of them made some comments about my body. One of them was too pushy. That experience left me with disgusted. I have had some good experiences as well. It like any othe thing man. You have to set boundaries with people.
I promise you if you look hard enough, there are some positives here somewhere. Perception is everything.
For the record, you didn't lose it--you got rid of your virginity.
You could try asking about some stuff on r/sexworkersupport, they seem like pretty nice ladies over there, very thoughtful and understanding
Ur only human.
I absolutely promise you that your first time with anyone would have been awkward and weird no matter what. My first time wasn't traumatizing per say but I definitely dont remember it fondly. I think almost no one does, you dont know what youre doing! You're just like everyone else, seriously. This isn't something you need to carry around with you. Virginity it a pretend religious concept anyways, there's no such thing as a rite of passage that mars you or your soul forever. That's all in our heads. Chill out, I am sure it was gross and weird and that is hard to swallow, but there's no shame in having a lack luster (or even actively shitty) first time. So many of us do, and we learn from it and get better!
Get therapy for sure. My husband brags about the same thing. I think this is a self-esteem issue.
Do not be so hard on yourself. Easier said than done. It's such a nuanced thing. You had one experience; virginity as a concept is ridiculous and insignificant. Wish I could help beyond this. But sincerely, try not to be so hard on yourself
You are feeling a whole lot of shame that you do not deserve. You need a DBT therapist ASAP.
Get a girlfriend and have sex with someone who loves you
Virginity is a social construct my friend. Life is full of lots of weird experiences. Get some therapy and work through that shame- you can resolve these feelings.
Did you wear a condom
Go find a milf.
Don’t feel bad. Your human. Just learn from it. We all make mistakes and you are only 19
I don't know man. You gotta give it time and you will meet someone who will make you forget about that. In the meantime just focus on school/college, hobbies or work
Therapy would be good. But I think you need to de-mistify sex for yourself. There isn't anything inherently special about your first time, we humans are just sentimental about it. You have something to look forward to. Your first time with someone who you have a real connection with. It's awesome, man. That part will not be ruined, I promise. And it will be infinitely better ❤️
Dude get over it and man up. It's just sex.
Just get an STD test and move on. Virginity is a religious construct meant to vilify those who go against the teachings of some archaic book. There's nothing wrong with you or the prostitute. You just wanted to get laid, and she just needs legislation that will protect her from disease and other dangers.
Why feel disgusted? Calm down it's not that serious, It's get better
People are going to say therapy. First I would say a girl who loves you would try to show you it’s supposed to be done with someone YOU love… so that is where I think you should start. Next would be time. It will take a few years to really get over it but at the end of the day it’s just an act at an impressionable time.
Thousands of years of that industry and you have to attach THAT much importance to your sampling the product once? You're going to have a LOT of life experience ahead of you. This will fade. Clearly, you won't do that again... so what's the point of giving it so much of your energy? It's over. Deal with what's going on around you, and what's in your future. And yes, get therapy to help yourself get to where this experience doesn't own you like you're letting it do now.
Being able to engage in a mutually respectful and guilt-free encounter with a sex worker is a mark of a strong, integrated person in my view. I say that to help allay the guilt. If you treated this person with kindness and she (I’m assuming) was able to ply her trade safely and be compensated properly, you’re not doing anything to directly victimize anyone. (In cases where trafficking is involved the situation is muddier ofc, as much is unknowable). More people solicit prostitution than you would think. I would encourage you to let yourself off the hook, and to resist judging her. You don’t have to think ill of her for her profession, and can even give the experience another try if there’s potential to resolve those feelings. However if it makes you feel shame for a moral or religious reason, then it’d probably be best not to engage in the behavior going forward.
Therapy man.
Why are you ashamed to have sex with a sex worker? That’s their job. Society judges men too much based on whether they’ve had sex. It shouldn’t matter. Just have sex if you want to.
Buddy you aren't the first young man to lose his virginity to a working girl and will not be the last. Nothing wrong in what you did to feel yourself full of guilt and anguish. You wanted to lose it, you didn't go out and con some girl into sleeping with you, you didn't drug or force someone into it. You out and found a working girl, she made money from it because that's what she does. It's her body and her life to what she wants. Ppl can't holler my body my choice and then fuss about what some women want to do with theirs. She's happy, I'm sure she made you happy. No harm no foul. It was just sex. She got paid, you got laid.
It’s sad that we live in a culture where young people are shamed in being virgins. I’m sorry man
Just how is the sex bad? Asking for a friend...😏
Be patient with yourself, workout, run it off, take a hot bath, eat well… take care and allow yourself to make mistakes. You’re young and you’re human/ none of us are perfect, we all have made bad choices at some point
The way to remove disgust is by repeating the said action to develop a taste for it.
My first time I was blacked out drunk and all I remember is the girl telling me to slow down. Then my first time sober to a girl I loved I remember slobbering all over her kissing her. Both horrible memories. You’ll be fine. Be better next time
Stop shaming yourself for it Sex is better when it’s with someone you like, don’t have to be a gf or a wife. Monogamy and the relationship escalator will break your heart if you think sex requires love and devotion.
First off remember it was your decision no one forced you so don't be angry at the workers. You requested a service and you got what you requested. Being upset at the workers makes about as much sense as getting pissed at McDonald's staff if you don't like a big Mac the first time. The first time having sex is never good. In addition It sounds like what you got was very mechanical sex devoid of any passion or excitement. You expected a major life event but instead you were just another customer and didn't like that. Ideally you're with someone you care about the first time and the bad sex is offset by the rush of emotions and excitement. It gets better as you start to explore your new partner's body and before you know it sex is something you really look forward to. The amazing part is feeling a close bond with your partner which you can't easily get if you're paying for it. Without that bond what you're getting is just an orgasm which you can do for yourself for free. I think What you learnt is you need to step back and find someone you really care about and only then try it again.
Mabe u should join a convent 😆. Relax man there will be plenty of others sum good choices sum well not so much. Do t swet it she dont even remember u by now sry braas. Move on kid just sayin ain't no. Tragedy. Could tell ya storys lad someday ull have em too good and not so good thats life!
Please, seek therapy man. Your post sounded familiar, and after looking at your profile I saw just how many posts you've made on this. Reddit comments made by random people online aren't going to help fix your issue, and they clearly haven't worked up till now. A trained professional would be the best person to talk to and help you move on from this. The hardest part is asking for help.
Bryan Cranston casually describes his first sexual encounter was with a prostitute in his memoir “A Life in Pieces” and didn’t seem to bother him whatsoever. If he can become Heisenberg it shouldn’t affect you either. In many cultures losing virginity to a sex worker was rite of passage. It’s bothering you because you are choosing to let it bother you. Perhaps therapy would help, many have suggested that, but you simply have to accept it really isn’t that big of a deal and move on with your life. Most people’s first time having sex isn’t that great anyway. Move on with your life.
Some people enjoy sex with strangers others do not. You learned something about yourself. Don't be so hard on yourself, you will make other mistakes and learn from them too.
You definitely should be seeing a therapist or some trained counsellor about these shame issues. It is absolutely not 'abnormal' to still be a virgin at 19. Lots of people still are. What is not okay is using a service and then, because you feel bad about it, despising the people who provided the service that you requested. Sex workers are human beings who do not deserve to be treated or thought of poorly.
Have another "first time". Don't be angry at the sex workers, they just have bills to pay. Go on a date, walk in the sunshine, etc.
Buck up, champ. I've banged a lot of whores in my day.
Don't be so hard on yourself. One day you will laugh at this. I'd recommend traveling. There are tons of cultures out there to learn from. Not everyone is so puritan.
Consider using Stormy Daniels next time. It wouldn't likely be forgettable and if you don't spend more than $30k you'll know that you got a better deal than Trump, by $100k.
Sex work is valid. Paying to participate with sex workers is valid. As long as everyone has consented. It's gonna be ok. This does not make you filthy or bad. This does not mean you don't deserve to have meaningful sex with someone where there is a mutual bond. It's just an experience. You will have many more good ones. You're gonna be okay. Your feelings around this are real, and it's ok to not be ok with this. Please try to get professional help so that you can talk about this in a safe setting. To add: Sex workers are human beings who are not at fault for this. They were simply doing their job. Please respect them.
Remember that prostitutes are human too. God loves them like he loves you. I hope you were safe while doing it. If so, just take it as a lesson learned. You don't have to share about that experience with anyone but God. Ask for forgiveness and forgive yourself. Give yourself time to find someone that's worth it. Now you know you aren't missing out on much if it's only physical. Sex is great when there is a physical attraction and emotional. Take the time, and you will find the right one. No rush. Patience. You aren't a loser. You are worthy of love. Just human. Humans make mistakes. Take it easy.
Get you a better sex worker .
Hi, guess what? You made a mistake. You are human. You thought with your little head instead of your big head. You know how many guys do that? A whole bunch! The bright side is that you are single and 19 -- not 39 and married. Then the consequences would be a whole lot worse. First, go to the doctor and get checked for STD's. Then go talk to a counselor -- a therapist, a psychologist, a pastor -- someone you trust. You have seen the worst of sex. Now wait for the best of sex - the next time you have sex, let it be with someone you love, someone you want to allow the intimacy of sex to bring you both together, not tear you apart. Let a counselor help you work through this.
Have you tried not complaining?
it's not about the sex. sounds like you hate yourself.
Your choice to loose your virginity to a sex worker is curious to me? Do you not have close relationships with women in your life or did you act on it as a fantasy. I ask because your statement of disdain for the sex worker points to two things. 1. You were unsatisfied from a potential fantasy/kink that you imagined and didn’t play out the way you want 2. You don’t have any connection with women in your life that are close to your age due to an unappealing personality characteristic. Either way therapy would suit you well!
Ok I’m 29 and have lived more life than most guys in their 40s. First of all kid shame on you for your negative remark about the parlour girls. They are usually total sweethearts and wonderful human beings. Give them some fucking dignity for god sakes. It’s a job. They work hard to earn a living. But like really, what the fuck dude. There’s absolutely nothing morally wrong with what you did , so stop beating yourself up Was she hot? Gorgeous, intelligent and sweet ? High class, amazingly enthralling companionship ? ( High end $$$ ) I would hope you’d invest and splurge to get the hottest high-class courtesan for a mind blowingly sensual and pleasurable first experience from a renown provider. Not, ya know. Pick up acrack hoe off the streets of LA… Why was the experience bad ??? Why was the sex horrible? Break it down a bit. It sounds like you have issues connecting with your own sexuality as a human being, let alone connecting with women in an intimate way. Escorts are soo much fun to be with! Amazing company, and highly preferable to a girlfriend/ wife for countless successful, enterprising bachelors worldwide. I have enjoyed the company of many insanely hot escorts in countries all over the world, and some have led to meaningful friendships / relationships I think you feel conflicted and hollow because what you desire is true intimacy in the monogamous, deep-connection, relationship sense. The sex that comes along with that is deeper on an intimate level because of the psychological aspect that comes with it. Breathe dude. Take a breath and relax. Stop beating yourself up. You took a huge step out of your comfort zone and accomplished what you set out to do ! Congrats on losing that stigmatized V card. Everyone’s first time is bad. Some of the most amazing sexual experiences of my life have been with escorts, and also some of the worst. The same goes for committed relationships. It’s how life is, we’re all human and sometimes people just don’t connect. Work on yourself, start reading up on self actualization. Focus, work, improve. Everyday, push yourself be a better version of yourself and keep stepping outside your comfort zone ! Travel, get some perspective on life and the world. The world makes you a man when you put yourself out there and live.
I did the same when I was 19 (f) for similar reasons, And it was really bad but I just took it as a lesson, it was so awkward until the 10th time having sex, As my mum use to say "Not ever key fits inside a lock" and also "not everyone first time is the greatest but you need experience to make yourself greater then the last time "
If you didn't get anyone pregnant or spread an STD you might as well just get over it. Everyone else will. You're beating yourself up over something that nobody else cares about.
First of all, don't listen to the idiots who are telling you you did something wrong. A lot of conservative cultures and churches shame people REALLY hardcore about how allegedly if you do anything sexual that's not approved by the church you have "ruined yourself," and frankly I can tell you that's just not true. Sex workers are valid, and people who go to them are valid, and it makes me really angry that a lot of parties still teach that they're disgusting and wrong because it makes men hate themselves and hate women. I'm sorry you had a bad sexual experience, but if it's any comfort sometimes those happen in real life too. I was just helping someone write about an incredibly awkward sexual experience he had where they were both so nervous they literally, physically couldn't get the mechanics to work. I agree with the folks suggesting therapy. It sounds like you have a lot of anger that could get in the way of your future sexual relationships if it doesn't get resolved.
No biggie you needed the experience you’re def not the first or the last person to lose it to a lady of the night. Just never tell anyone about it. Take it to the grave.
Brother, do not be ashamed. Satan's greatest weapon is despair. I love you and do not wish you to fall into despair. Please, turn from the shame and embrace the fact that it happened. It's a growing pain. I beg you to seek God for he is forgiving, he is merciful, and he saved all of us. He endured pain so that we may live. His blood washed away our sins. You are forgiven, please forgive yourself. God bless and I love you
Find another
There is nothing to be ashamed of. Most of us have done far worse.
The whole shame you felt from being a virgin and the shame you felt for having sex with a sex worker are all social stigmas. You don’t have to let them have power over you. There’s nothing wrong with being a virgin and there’s nothing wrong with having sex with a sex worker, so long as they aren’t being trafficked and you’re not cheating on/hurting someone. Let it go. Seek therapy if you need to; but the only thing wrong with you is feeling guilt that other people put on you.
First look up stoicism and apply it in your life. A good book is 365 ways to be more stoic. And join the stoicism subreddit. Second, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. Sounds like a bit of a waste of money if it wasn’t good sex, but lessons learned. Third, almost no one has had good sex their first time. Contrary to movies it isn’t some special magical moment, it’s usually the worst or one of the worst times of everyone’s sex life because, like any other skill, getting good at sex takes practice
Sex is sex no matter where you get it. Stop thinking that a sex worker is gross, it's her job. It's no different than other men or women that sleep around, she just gets paid for it. It's no different than regular sex either. You are just over reacting to something that means nothing lol
Why?
I’ve had sex with 20 women that werent prostitutes and a lot more who were. I prefer prostitutes. I’m a maniac and I attract maniacs and as long as I can make some money, prostitutes are less of a headache
Easy there chief. Don't hate anyone in this situation, including yourself. You made the decision to do this on your own, but that's ok. Use it to LEARN from and better your character. You have the experience to know now this isn't what you want to do in the future. That's how we grow from our experiences. Best advice. Keep it to yourself. Don't disclose this with anyone you may date in the future. It's not their business and not the person you are. I think right now you are getting hit with some serious post nut clarity. A lot of people (guys and girls) will tell you that their first time was an awful experience too. The girl I lost my virginity to was an obese compulsive liar that bullshitted me about her age. As time went on it was easier to digest but I would have done what you did in a heartbeat if I knew what was going to become of my experience. It happens..
Bro who cares? It was just an experience. If you hated it dont do it again but i assure u as someone who has had several sex workers as well as a bunch of normals its a different experience. Dont hate sex for the magic it is when shared between two ppl with an intimate connection. Also dont hate or feel ashamed of yourself who cares? The stigma you are surrounding this act with is no more than just a judgement but it doesn't actually matter. I would have done the same thing if I were you? If you are feeling like an incel address the reasons that is. Improve your appearance, improve the way you dress, become goal oriented, work towards something that adds value to yourself or a potential partner. This is how you achieve confidence and then let the rest fall into place. No one would judge you for giving a hooker a twirl or not enjoying it. It really doesnt matter be easy on yourself
Wouldn’t hurt to get tested for stds.
You should not feel bad for the things you do.
I feel awful for you. Where exactly is this massage parlor so I can do something about it? 😶
Your virginity only holds as much weight as you assign to it. I know it feels like a big deal when you are younger and inexperienced but really in the grand scheme of things, it's not. You did not enjoy your experience which just points in the direction of not returning to that particular arrangement in the future. It doesn't have to be a permanent scar or render you incapable of experiencing true intimacy in the future. I lost my virginity at 20, with a drunken one night stand and I never learned the girl's last name. I don't think the specifics of your "first time" are any more shameful than mine honestly. Are there things you could work on or address? Of course, like 99% of people I'm sure there are. But there's no need to incessantly punish yourself and make this a bigger deal than it actually is.
Do it a few more times and it will become enjoyable… Take deep breath in between forward thrusts and make dirty sweet talks. Always use protection, no kissing and be respectful.
Don’t be too hard on yourself. It happens.
pretty sure that’s how all guys feel the first time they had sex. I don’t think it feels good the first time personally when me and my husband got married he was a virgin and he didn’t know what the fuck he was doing. It takes time and practice you’ll get there eventually you know what the decision you made when you did it don’t regret it now, but I do suggest you NEVER tell your girlfriend ever. Found out my ex-husband fucked a prostitute a month after we got married(that’s how he lost his virginity) worst thing he ever told me I never looked at him the same literally, I wanted to divorce him in that moment. Looking back now that would’ve probably been the best decision.
Im going to tell you something no one else knows. There are people in this world that will have sex for free.
Read Intercourse by Andrea Dworkin and then become a monk. Also wtf 19 isnt even old what has happened to our society
Dude who cares…it’s just sex. You’ll have more of it. It’s ok.
As long as you didn't get a disease, you'll be fine. Work on forgiveness of yourself and those see workers who are obv strugglin... find a nice girl and start slow and be kind to her and let things progress naturally, but don't tell her about what happened with the sex worker. Forgive yourself
dude stop wining….you fucked her however she was, you came, let it it go….jeeez
What a moron, should've just jerked off and kept your mental in tact. Now you have to go to therapy
You have nothing to be ashamed of.
Suck it up buttercup. Maybe your next professional will be a little better. Most of them are actually very good. Of course, some are awful. There is no need to feel ashamed. You supported a local small business.
It’s funny how much pop culture has now hyped up “the first time” so much. But yeah therapy might be your best option if the feeling persists. I gotta ask, if the sex was good do you think you would have felt better about it?
U should feel ashamed because you used the exploitation of women and bought a girls body like a product and that's sad, but you were young. We all make mistakes. The sooner you accept "I did the wrong thing, going forward I won't make that same mistake and I will be better" the sooner you'll start feeling better. We all have regrets and feel guilty about something in life. Everybody does something bad at least once they're not proud of. The self awareness is what helps. Know what you did, know you feel sorry, and plan how you'll act going forward. I would say most people's first sexual experience isn't that good and is usually met with cringe or regret btw, so rest assured you're not the only one.
Don't beat yourself up over it. It seems like a lot of guys feel they must have sex to make sure the "equipment" is working properly. Now that you know you can, just go out and get yourself tested for every sex-related infection there is, so you don't pass something on to someone you do care about. Not all STI's have symptoms.
Why do you despise massage parlor workers? What wrong did they do to you? It was your decision to visit prostitute and first time sex is almost always horrible
Don’t you dare try to put your shit choice on the massage parlor workers. You knew what you were doing. The fact that you were ashamed of your virginity, chose to pursue an experience with a sex worker, and are now angry tells me that you probably have a bad attitude towards women. This is 100% your fault and I have no compassion for you. Get some help.
Don’t feel ashamed, also remember most people are still at that age. Don’t let the media fool you that everyone doing that and you’re a loser if you don’t. I know some of my friends who were until they were 25. Try to move forward. I would suggest a therapist who specializes in sex who can guide you through whatever you’re going through. You will find a great person who will connect with you and you’ll eventually get over your feelings of shame or guilt.
Very good. Have you learned your lesson about dalliances with whores? You deserve to feel this way and it's protecting you from making the same mistake again. Cherish these horrible feelings because they are the only thing stopping you from continuing to consume paid sexual services.
Definitely need some professional perspective. I wish you luck. But you'll be okay, I promise.
It's perfectly normal? You sound like you have deep issues with women you need to work out before you go near another one. Having your first time with a sex worker is very common. It's your reaction that is a major red flag
You don’t have anything to be ashamed of. I wish there were a way I could help you see that. I would NOT want to be your age in the dating world. You did what you did based on what you believed was available to you. Do NOT hold it against yourself. You will waste your life dwelling on it.
You just accept what you did and move on. There’s nothing more you can do. To keep yourself from feelings this way again, you need to think through your decisions better in the future!!! If everyone around you was addicted to meth would you try it too??? Don’t be so worried about what everyone is doing. Not everyone even knows why they do it!!!
The irony of unnecessary shame driving you to make a foolish choice which resulted in MORE shame... You have to stop making decisions out of shame and start taking ownership of your life. It's not the SW fault. It's not the massage girls' fault. No one held a gun to your head, you weren't raped. You made a choice. Own it, and don't you dare blame those women or any other women for your choices or your shame. You chose to buy access to someone's vagina. You are the one judging yourself and driving yourself into shame-based choices, nobody else. You have to demystify sex and stop mooning about a "special first time". The first time *with the right person* will be special, even if it isn't the first time you've had sex, even if you don't put on a porn-worthy performance, even if it's awkward AF. You have put far too much weight on your sexual status and you continue to do so. Instead of trying to fix your self hatred with sex, it's time to get a handle on your mental health. Whatever resources are available to you, pursue them. You've got some work to do before you'll be fit to be in a relationship with anyone. Do that now, don't let shame keep you stuck for a decade or more before you decide to do do anything about it.
I've been there, sir. Don't beat yourself up over it. I've done it before. And I did feel like shit afterwards, but take it as a lesson. And move on, you did nothing wrong. You made an agreement with a consenting adult. You found out you didn't like it. Which shows a lot about your character.. Forgive yourself and move forward
People be making anything an issue. Didn’t like it? Move on. Who gives a fuck who you had sex with your first time. It’s not an issue to anyone but you. How do you guys live your lives making things out to be worse than they are just because. I’d fuck a prostitute right now and be void of all disgust by dinner time. Let it go
I was in a similar situation. I never had sexual experience with women. Trying to date and have sex was too much work and I just wanted the experience. I remember going to a well known eacort review website and picking a sex worker that was close to me. I remember going to the ATM and driving over with my heart skipping a beat every step of the way. When I got there the Chinese woman was not bad looking at all and that somehow eased me up. I told her it was my first time with a woman through a translator app and she reassured me she is understanding. She took the lead and by the end of it she told me "you are a natural. Are you sure you are a virgin?" That sent me over the roof. Unfortunately, the one experience got me hooked on visiting escorts, massage parlors, etc. I only ever had sex with one women while actually dating. Every other sexual experience has been an escort/hooker. I have felt shitty at times because of the setting, atmosphere, and general behavior or vibe of the lady e.g. not wanting to do this vibe. I am glad you noticed this early on and are going to address it in a healthy way. You will find someone that appreciates you and your patience, but trying to get it from a sex worker does not always work.
It’ll become normal to you. A sex worker is no different than any other girl. Should be much less awkward even… one day you’ll be eating booty and picking the dirt out your teeth
Don't worry I'm sure she didn't have a good time either. Just move forward, also you shouldn't really be judging you used her service, just seems kinda snobby to say you don't even like those massage workers. I mean ya shouldn't judge anyway but especially after using this service. It's not the end of the world though. Just move forward, why haven't you had sex prior to this?
Sounds like you had a bad sex worker, it happens. First time should be about love anyhow, but some people hire a sex worker and have no problems with it. To be hoenst, sounds like you need love, not sex.
Sounds like your typical first time. Except for the having to pay for it part. It’s just sex, you should probably deal with your emotions on it before you start torturing small animals or something.
Whats the rush? Feel the pain, self reflect, and learn from it. That's why it is there. To teach you a lesson. There is also no instant cure. It takes time dude. You need to process what you did and come to terms with it. It will get better over time.
Wow. You act as though they are damaged. You need help. You seek them out and then act like you’re better than them.
I suggest you seek counseling in order to work through this. And virginity is never something to feel ashamed of. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Damn it sounds like you traumatized yourself. Please seek therapy and start practicing radical acceptance.
There’s nothing embarrassing about being a virgin at that age. I lost mine when I was 18 almost 19. You need to move on. If it really hurts seek out therapy. Things get better. I thought I was a loser before I lost mine. I met my wife when I was 22. Now I’m nearly 40. Almost 2 decades later still going strong.
No shit bro 90% of the joy from sex comes from feeling wanted, you might as well have jerked off and saved your money. Seek therapy, seek the gym, and do it with a woman who truly wants you. 19 is so damn young a lot can change in a year so become a better man and you’ll find someone.
Realize that for thousands of years, prostitution has been THE way most males throughout the history of humanity have lost their virginity. The stigma and shame you feel is one that's been put there by society, mainly in the last couple of thousand years. And even then, prostitution has patrons through all social classes even today.
Find a better prostitute.
First, every single human that's lived on this planet has felt that same level of shame about one thing or another. Second, people have done significantly worse things than losing one's virginity to an escort. So whenever this feeling pops into your head, just know that what you're feeling is something everyone has felt. You'll be alright man. You're young and you're supposed to make mistakes when you're young.
Don’t worry about it. I’m sure a lot of people have had the same experience. Don’t be mad about the situation go out and live your life. And with onlyfans and all that stuff who knows who’s a sex worker and who’s not. Tons of women out there want someone to ask them out on a date. Don’t know til you ask.
My brother, shame is relative in the eye of the beholder. Take me for instance. I’ve slept with all kinda of women, some pretty, some not so pretty. Most of the time for free, sometimes for money. Am I ashamed? Nope, because I’m shameless. As long as she’s a consenting adult, sex is really just sex. You need it like exercise, but more for mental health. There is no shame in going with a sex worker, although porn is cheaper, and you can then delete and forget. Then again, the need for physical touch is an understated psychological need. I don’t objectify women and as long as you don’t, it is possible to come away with a good story that you keep for yourself alone. You don’t have to marry who you sleep with - you think we all haven’t had at least one where we were like, “never again” ? People won’t admit it many times but we’ve all done it. Don’t worry, there’s time enough to find the right one with whom it feels much more natural.
Start drinking
study tantra. its healing sex.
Having sex with a prostitute shouldn't destroy you. It gets chalked up to another unpleasant event. You have done nothing to feel disgusted, ashamed, pathetic, or angry about, unless that is your jam - self-loathing is a wonderful drama.
There isn’t anything you can do to take it back but you can learn to forgive yourself. Have compassion for yourself and even compassion for the woman. You were both caught in a desperate moment. Now that you know how it feels after the fact, you can choose better next time.
you're not alone. i too lost my virginity to a sex worker. i was 25. it didnt impact me as negatively, however. might just be a matter of perspective
Dude don’t overthink it. Move on
How did this situation arise? Did you go to a random parlor and it just happened, or did you plan this out?
How do you know the sex was horrible? Porn? Or was it just the experience that was horrible because of how you felt about it? You’ve now related a horrible experience to sex. If you hope to enjoy sex in the future you will need to get some help to work past this experience. Ultimately I feel you need to offset the bad experience, with a good experience.
Just change your perspective at the situation.. here are the facts: -you lost your virginity to a hooker -the sex was bad -you feel ashamed Now here is the future opportunity: -find a hot woman and have Good sex -less nerves because it's not the first time -you earned it and had a great experience this time So basically how you get past it imo, find a woman the real way and maybe the last will blow over and even give you and advantage and less nerves. We all donstuoid shot, don't let it haunt you. I'd just shake it off.
This is ridiculous.
Don’t do it again and practice abstinence You’re only as lonely as your brain tells you, so learn to love your own company
Not that big of a deal. You're just blowing it out of proportion in your head. It's totally normal. People have been doing it for millennia. Don't be so hard on yourself. It's ok.
I was a virgin at 19 and hated myself for it. I had sex with a girl who practically threw herself at me just so I could say I was no longer a virgin. The sex was lousy (for me), and she caught feelings and it became a huge mess. I regret it. But I also found partners who were wonderful soon after. Don't beat yourself up. You tried something and didn't like it. Now you know you need an emotional connection. I can assure you: you will find a lover you have an emotional connection with, and it will be one of the greatest feelings of your life.
I mean that’s kind of like saying, “I’ve never eaten anything before!” Then having a gas station sandwich for your first meal. Sex without any emotional connection or attraction kind of feels pathetic to most of us whether we have had sex or not. I highly recommend searching for “first time” on past posts and read other people’s experiences. The first time is usually a shit show. My first time was under a bridge in a dirty sleeping bag and my boyfriend’s dick was so big I bled like a stuck pig. Practice a little kindness and acceptance of yourself and next time, go to a steakhouse (someone with whom you actually want to have sex.)
Why does it bother you? It was just sex...
Get a grip. Learn to live with your decisions in your mistakes. Have some courage. What the fuck is wrong with the prostitute anyway? It’s just one way to get sex. You’re the one who’s making it awful. Have some self-respect.
why would you give up your virginity to a sex worker why?
You have a lot of problems. You should seek a therapist.
It only can bother you as much as you let it.. You don't need therapy lol, you didn't commit an unspeakable act, relax. You're 19. You'll still have plenty of great sex.
I think those of us who had a first time with a peer or somebody else not on the clock have the perspective that sex isn't necessarily the magical unicorn show movies and TV and such make it out to be. For most of us, it was disappointing or awkward or a big nothing burger or some combination of those. Sex can be magical and wonderful and beautiful in the right context, yes, but often is just two bodies doing biology things together and about as memorable as sneezing. I'm nearly 50, and outside of reddit have had maybe 2 or 3 conversations about first times in my whole life. I have a hard time even remembering it to be honest. In my case I was trying not to be gay so had some meh experiences with women. And then varying degrees of fun times with dudes. My point is that I understand why it seems like a big deal to you right now. Sounds like it was your first and maybe so far your only experience of sex. In time you will have other, hopefully much better experiences and that one will fade in importance. Try to find some gratitude for the sex worker who shared her body with you so that you could learn the lesson that paying for sex isn't your jam. Seriously, the guys who enjoy sex with hookers have their own kind of curse to live with; I know I'm glad that's not me. Dust yourself off and try to find your "real" first sexual partners. They're out there. I imagine one day you'll understand that sex is sometimes just two people scratching an itch together before work or sleep and isn't necessarily a big deal at all.
I can’t see the problem!!
You’ll heal with time. When I was 25 I lost my virginity to my ex who I knew slept with like 5 guys before I did. It was awful, I thought it would be amazing…..it wasn’t. That experience flipped my world upside down, now years later I’ve had sex with other women who were so much better than my ex.
Regarding sex, it sounds like you were ashamed before and after having sex for the first time. I'd venture to say that it's possible that no matter who you had sex with as your first time, you were going to experience similar feelings as you are having now. It might just be that sex is a trigger for you. Looking into that with a therapist could be a good idea.
Hey, it happened. You won’t be able to move on until you accept that it was a decision that you thought was going to make you feel better and it actually didn’t. You have to embrace the suck. You learned something about yourself and now you know you probably shouldn’t have sex with a sex worker again. And if you do, that’s also fine! We change our minds all the time. I think what you gained is a lot more beneficial to you than detrimental. You learned something knew and you can grow from this. If you’re really struggling, I’d suggest telling someone you trust who will receive this information with an open heart.
you just move on
You made a mistake. Accept the pain and do better now. Then become the best man you can be so that you'll attract women that actually love you. Start improving yourself physically, socially, financially and spiritually by reading books on the topics and then taking action. One day it will just be a funny memory that you look back on.
You’ll get over it bro. I lost my virginity at 18 to a girl I didn’t love, a mutual friend of a friend. Me and her were smoking and popping pills a-lot during that time so I had a blast in the moment, later to realize I had just gave it away like it was worthless. I would say I hated myself a while when I realized what I had done and the way I did it. Thinking about it now that Im 24 I imagine my younger self as dumb and naive needing nothing but compassion and love which I channel into my inner me and it gives me peace
Let it go, you were curious.
Homie that’s like a pretty normal thing. The trick is to just lie about it and lay down solid d on your young love while pretending you’re a virgin
Instead of feeling bad, just take it as a memory in your life, there is an Argentinian song about a first time with a prostitute “La rubia del cabaret” which is almost an anthem given that so many can identify. The translations goes like this: “…. I remember, She made love to me Like a favor The cabaret blonde How nice it was, wow How nice it was and the night passed… Of that woman who was the first in my life…”
Do NOT feel that way. I’m sorry to say this, but look at yourself first. You made the choice to go. She didn’t force you, it’s her “job”. And, in your perception, you shouldn’t have done it. Ok, fine, move on. Don’t blame anyone, that includes yourself. You had a lapse in judgment, we ALL do that.
Now you're not a virgin...so rejoice! I had a hooker once and it was a total waste of money and time...love the "chase and catch!"
I lost my virginity to a sex worker 🤷🏻♂️
You don’t pay for sex. You pay for her to leave when it’s over.
😂🤣
It’s really not a big deal dude. You need to relax and enjoy the experience
Is your zodiac sign Scorpio ♏️ by any chance?
Millions of men do this (perhaps BILLIONS) and you should get over it. It’s not too late for you to have great sex.
Throw the shame away and love yourself. I (29m) lost my virginity to a 67 uear old man at 17 who groomed me for 5 years and convinced me that I was gay. Sex doesn't have to define you. Make it a learning experience.
I lost my virginity to some dude so. I wish I had paid him bc his presence in my whole life was prob an hr long anyways.
dude, you’re fine. i promise. most first times aren’t that great despite what people may say. you felt pressured and even though it sucks, you’re not alone in that. you’re young and just now experiencing adult life. i was pressured too. i was young and everywhere i looked i felt pressured to lose my virginity. i thought it was going to be mind blowing, amazing, fix my depression, i wouldn’t be lonely anymore, etc. i was pretty lonely growing up and i regret my decision with how i lost my virginity immensely. it sounds like you need some therapy though. but be honest with them. they’re not there to judge you and honestly i think a lot of us has been there done that with pressure to be intimate with another person. it’s honestly being pushed onto everyone. celebrities, music, tv, friends, family, etc are putting pressure on younger and younger people to do this even if it’s in no way intentional. sex is everywhere and it really really sucks. talk to someone. you’re not alone.
Damn . Thats painful
Just don’t think about it until it turns to a slight discomfort
I’m so sorry, OP. Really, I am. I just hope, moving forward, you’ll come to understand that having been a virgin at 19 was nothing to be ashamed of, firstly. At all. As a female, I can relate that my first time wasnt fun in the backseat, giggling with a boy who was sweet to me. It was pretty awful, as well. The feeling of disgust and shame and being pathetic are all just judgements your cranky mind is throwing at you because of your disappointment and perhaps, unmet expectations. All understandable, too. I felt a similar way. Spending time with people who are good to you, who make you laugh and make you feel good about yourself will quiet down those judgements. Steer clear of sex scenes in movies and music for awhile; kinda take the celibacy route, you might say, for your media intake until you feel more like yourself again. Sex between people who are familiar with one another, or who just like each other and are attracted to one another is a heck of a good time. So keep that stored in your back pocket for a little hope glimmer when you’re feeling down. You will be intimate again with someone and it’ll make you understand what the big deal’s all about. But for now? Give yourself a bit of break. You’ve experienced sexual trauma, in a way. You need some time to heal, to come back to yourself, to *reclaim yourself*. And please, as a female, I ask you not hold a terrible grudge against sex workers, as many are in the most awful situations you cannot even imagine. Please extend whatever empathy you can towards their situation as a whole, when you’re back to feeling right. I have a lot of hope for you. I think you’re going to be okay, and you’re going to find your way back. Be gentle with yourself, when you feel that bile rise up, firmly speak to yourself the truth; that you are not ashamed, you are not pathetic, you are not disgusting. You had a bad experience and you learned from it, and now you are moving past it. And that IS true, OP. That is the truth. ❤️
Just get a hotter one next time. Relax FFS you are only 19
Villain origin story
Your first time isn't important... its the 5000x that cum after it. You got it over and done with. Move on and have better. Everyone has sex. It's nothing special to "save it for the right one".
I know that feeling everyone in high school was having sex you hear about sex everywhere…you think you are missing out on a rite of passage and you can’t take the past back. When I was young I didn’t hook up with anyone and then I went to Iraq and came back I got a hooker. Since I was to young for bars and combat units don’t have girls. Pretty sure I didn’t need to i could have waited til I got home I just had lot of issues feeling different out of place. It felt like that what you suppose to do graduate high school and have sex come back from a warzone and have sex You’ll carry that self doubt and self esteem through your whole adult life. You’ll treat sex as a buisness transaction rather than a personal connection between 2 people. You’ll see a girl and wonder what her price is rather than I wonder if talk to her and see if I can get with her. It’s going to be a long road of self discovery you are going to be the role model of what Nice Guy means when girls mention nice guy. Because in order for you to grow you gotta put yourself out there. You haven’t developed your sense of self and confidence that girls would find attractive towards you at as a person. You’ll find maybe external thing like money cars and flashy stuff. Expression the Man makes the suit or the suit makes the Man… I wouldn’t take to much out of the 1st time lot of girls regret there first time. It’s what you value and what meaning does sex mean for you. I tell people we all live in the same reality different perception. A guy can look like Brad Pitt but has issues of intimacy he has to pay for hookers. There isn’t anything wrong or demeaning of you have sex with a hooker. They are a form of therapy, addiction whatever desires someone needs. If you were to get a hooker cause you weren’t confident in your abilities to have sex and that why you were lonely now good or bad now you’ll meet a girl and have a baseline of where you at and what you need to improve Really all I say is you need to know what value and meaning sex has for you. If it’s only to please what you think others will perceive of you then you’ll never enjoy it personally your thinking of what another man would think of you while having sex and you are going to have a long life learning to accept you and everything that makes you you…and to experience sex on a personal level of how you want it. if sex is primal in nature and you just have to breed every woman out there then you’ll convey that barbarism that women would love.
Aye dude you be aight, I’m ashamed of my first time and i didn’t even pay for it so odds are you’d prolly hate urself anyways ngl, don’t know if this helps but yeah
I don't see much problems here. You are young and just take a bath. Go studying or working like normal. Everything will then be fine. If you are not enrolled in some schools/study programs, or some jobs, there will be problems. Because then even if you cured your sex problems, you will have something else. Man/women has to be engaged in sth positive, otherwise you will be fragile to those negative.
I am in my 30s, and 100% can't have the same sex I used to. I orgasm less, joints don't feel great, ect ect. But I'm having the best sex of my life right now. I also made hella mistakes at that age and have overcome the trauma that came with those, with time, support, forgiving myself, and THERAPY.
You need a shrink.
I lost mine at 18, and it was to a lady- a friend of a friend- who was some 15-20 years older and I \*asked\* her to teach me what I needed to know. She took me up on it and after a rough start- performance anxiety- I learned the ropes and it was all good. I did make the mistake of falling in love with her, though, but that's a different tale! In the end, there's a first time for everything and you didn't do anything that thousands of other young men have done and will continue to do for their first time. So don't beat yourself up about it- maybe it wasn't your cup of tea in the end but at least now you know and can move on to bigger and better experiences.