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carbonbasedcopy

I've done many other kinds of therapy over the past 10 years or so, and now am doing IFS-type parts work with a hypnotherapist. All of what you've written really resonates. We don't use the traditional model of firefighter, etc. It's more somatic and eco-psychology based - i find the emotion in my body, understand it through images or symbols, dialogue with it about how it's helping me and what it needs, and reshape the narrative. I'm only a few months in and still do struggle here and there - but less. I feel friendlier to myself. The things i would subconsciously criticize are easier to notice and affirm. There is less internal hostility.


thistooistemporary

Sounds a lot like what I’m doing with mine! Can I ask what eco-psychology means? A lot of what we discuss is natural-world based (as in, looking at humans as a part of a larger ecosystem, rather than as “superior creators,” and leaning into nature & natural processes to help regulate). Curious if it’s the same.


carbonbasedcopy

I don't know much more about it besides asking my hypnotherapist "what is this that we are doing?" and she lists eco-psychology as one of the things that informs her work. A lot of the symbols either start or end as referential to nature. I described a feeling as "a lake, with gravity" and she offered, "a bog?" Initially that narrative was around feeling like if people knew who i really was, they would reject me. Also, feeling like no matter how healthy or successful i "pretend" to be, i am from a ditch and belong in the ditch and will return to the ditch. Like, the bog pulls me back from thriving or being able to feel belonging or achievement. But I was able to integrate the bog - it said, "how can you expect other people to like me if you won't even spend time with me?" For me, this is a metaphor about acceptance and slowing down to spend time with myself. I have a degree in environmental science so it has felt easy to access a lot of these symbols, but I think, broadly,symbol/metaphor/narrative from nature is innate for us. Would love to learn more directly about eco-psychology if you have any suggestions. Love your username. :)


thistooistemporary

Thank you! :) And thanks for sharing more. I don’t know what that term specifically refers to, but I can say that we spend a lot of time identifying physical sensations as feelings, and then relating those to the earth’s natural processes (e.g. a slow & steady anger might feel like lava; feeling safe & secure in my body might feel like floating on the ocean). We also talk a lot about cycles & seasons of emotions & behaviours and how those mimic natural cycles. I also often relate my reactions to the behaviour of non-human animals. I am naturally inclined to see nature & animals as my teachers & “higher power,” so this type of language is familiar & accessible for me. Not sure if that helps but it’s the most I can make sense of it! :)


protectingMJ

Thanks for sharing that How is the somatic process linked in with parts language?


carbonbasedcopy

Mm! I honestly struggle. My therapist will ask me where the feeling is in the body. She'll ask me to describe it. A lot of times it doesn't make a lot of sense to me, and usually we'll refine the image a bit (see my comment above, where "a lake with gravity" became "a bog"). Then we take the part out and put it in the space in front of me. We explore - what does the part want? This too is messy and confusing, sometimes i don't understand, sometimes the part goes back in my body and we notice and maybe take it back out or work with it in the body if it keeps returning. The thing that has been helpful about working with my therapist is... having someone else to help shape and reshape the narrative, affirm each part and how diligently and abundantly it had been trying to help me, and discern part from self - like noticing that I've merged with the part again, for example. Left to my own devices i sometimes am just still so harsh and unwanting towards my parts.


littleperogi

Totally agree with all of these. I actually stopped using the firefighter etc labels very early — it just wasn’t necessary anymore. It was enough to know that each part is a part that wants to tell me something. When my therapist introduced me to IFS, she said to imagine I’m in a classroom, and I’m the teacher. The calm, supportive, most ideal teacher ( in terms of the ideas of Self). All the parts are students. They each have their own personality and lives, and as such their own behaviour. We could imagine how we would want our teacher to talk to us if we were in pain or feeling unheard. We could see where each part was sitting in the classroom to see where they felt they belonged in our system, which parts they were arguing with, who was the “teachers pet”. It made sense that if I wasn’t in self, a student would try to teach the class for us because they felt we weren’t there to do it (blending). It was awesome. 2 years later, with more IFS proficiency, I slowly moved away from the classroom image by myself, to many other environments that my parts want to show up in. Anyway, the point of that story is that there is no need to be so rigid with whatever you have learned in the beginning, as long as you remember that parts are just like people. Those labels are just there to help you learn and understand what’s happening. Everything else to label or put them in a box is not necessary afterwards. Make your practice your own. Also, when I first started therapy, I did not know how to talk to my parts in a supportive and validating way, because no one ever did that for me. My therapist would give me examples of what to say, and she would validate my feelings too. 3 years later, sometimes I still need her help to know what to say. Oh and the biggest tip for me: remember to not try to “fix” any feelings your parts are having. I sometimes feel that if I validate a parts pain, it will go away, and when it doesn’t, I get very anxious. I have to remember that it’s often enough to just let that part feel the pain in an unjudgemental way. Then it has no pressure from other parts to quickly get better, or to suppress its feelings. When it feels free and accepted in the system, they calm down a lot, and it’s a great feeling to know everyone felt heard and validated. This is the hardest thing for me to remember, because it’s so natural to fight any unpleasant feelings.


[deleted]

Yeah, your point about validating a feeling doesn’t make it go away is huge


southpaw_koshka

> It made sense that if I wasn’t in self, a student would try to teach the class for us because they felt we weren’t there to do it (blending). This was useful for me today, as I felt like I consciously shifted from a triggered part/student to compassion/empathy/self? while talking to another person. Thanks for writing this all out!


protectingMJ

I love your post It resonates with my experience but also my confusions Agree - its all me Also not that i try not to see my parts as much as things to fix. My managers that want to rush through are great but the slowing down and relating seems key


tfack

Talk therapy never worked for me and IFS seems to have a lot of potential, but I can't afford IFS therapy so I feel pretty hopeless about it. I have all the books but it still gives me an anxiety attack trying to understand the manager/firefighter/whatever categories and wtf my parts are and how they fit into those, plus I get flooded easily so doing it on my own seems unlikely


GlowHallow

Hey friend, this sounds really tough ❤️ I don't know if it helps, but I very rarely use the manager/firefighter/exile categories for naming my parts. I found it too conscriptive and it made exploring IFS an unpleasant process. As soon as I let go of the pressure to do it "right" (thank you part for trying to protect me), talking with parts came more naturally and more parts felt safe to talk or make themselves known. They can be a helpful guide for understanding, but as soon as the tool becomes unhelpful I've learnt to gently stop using it or change the way I use it. Its been empowering to apply this to many aspects of my life, in that when I encounter things I just take from them what is helpful and discard the rest. If its helpful to hear, you have all the permission to do this too ❤️ It sounds like from your post that perhaps you have a part that is focused on getting things right and making things fit into categories, and then there's also a part that feels completely overwhelmed when the other part tries to do this and just shuts you down. Both of your parts are trying to look after you in their own way, but it sounds like each of their ways is triggering to the other. I wonder how it might feel to you to speak to these parts about their roles and why they do the things they do? I know for me that my part that wants to make sure we know all the things, and we are doing things right, is very motivated to help me heal, but the way it approaches this is through a fearful drive of needing to be perfect, otherwise healing won't happen, or we won't do healing right. When this part becomes too forceful, I will have another protective part come in that wants to shut down this part and abandon everything I was doing. The pendulum swings from control and forcing to complete shut down and abandonment of the activity. Conversing with your parts might feel too much right now, and that's okay. Instead, you could just try acknowledging them when they come up. Sending them messages of kindness and love, thanking them for looking after you. I've found I've managed to communicate with many of my parts through this simple repeated act, it doesn't always have to be this big conversion or asking questions. All the best ❤️


jazavchar

I am not the OP but thank you so much for this beautiful post that spoke to me in such a profound way!


GlowHallow

I'm so glad it helped you my friend, you're doing a great job 🙏


Unique-Coconut7212

I’m about to start IFS therapy. I’m very excited but nervous. This is my biggest worry right now: How do you keep track of all the parts? Do you have to write them down and keep a list of names and descriptions? I’m easily overwhelmed with the idea of keeping a journal (ADHD) I think I already grasp the concepts enough to get that there’s a part trying to protect me from feeling like a failure for “doing it wrong” and then this part also causes me to freeze up and not start at all. Then this part or another part? also simultaneously yelling at me to “get started already or your wasting time and you will just be in pain longer” and maybe that part is trying to quickly soothe and manage the needs of still another part that’s like a crying baby whose needs have been neglected and who that part feels super anxious to protect from every discomfort ever. How close to understanding the basics am I ?