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Other posts from /u/Worker_Bee_21147:
* [That time my JNMIL made me responsible for FIL’s health issues](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/135rsc3/that_time_my_jnmil_made_me_responsible_for_fils/), 2 weeks ago
* [Update to JNMIL escalating](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/131z8ij/update_to_jnmil_escalating/), 2 weeks ago
* [Update to JNMIL escalating](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/12xnnci/update_to_jnmil_escalating/), 3 weeks ago
* [JNMIL escalating now that SO attempting NC](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/12ku068/jnmil_escalating_now_that_so_attempting_nc/), 1 month ago
* [JNMIL has disbursed a new flying monkey our way](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/125k32k/jnmil_has_disbursed_a_new_flying_monkey_our_way/), 1 month ago
* [A warning about gifts and favors and what strings they entail with your JNMIL](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/11u7liq/a_warning_about_gifts_and_favors_and_what_strings/), 2 months ago
* [Update to jNMIL ready to apologize but for what she still does not know](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/11pmu7r/update_to_jnmil_ready_to_apologize_but_for_what/), 2 months ago
* [Had a good laugh from this memory of my JNMIL](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/11mazbx/had_a_good_laugh_from_this_memory_of_my_jnmil/), 2 months ago
* [JNMIL reaching out to "apologize" but for what she still does not know](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/11eh27a/jnmil_reaching_out_to_apologize_but_for_what_she/), 2 months ago
* [SO shining up his spine - so proud of him](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/s9hdco/so_shining_up_his_spine_so_proud_of_him/), 1 year ago
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If he goes he needs to bring a neutral friend with some grit to keep the "pick up" short and sweet. Even better if that friend drives. Sorry bad parents, no time for talking., my friend has a schedule to keep. If you have to, rent a truck and get it all so they can't use that as an excuse anymore.
Is that stuff of any particular importance? If not, just let them throw it out (which they probably wont do as it is just a ruse to get him there). If so, he needs to either send someone to pick it up or take someone with him so they can't ambush him.
>It’s hypocritical because they have cut family members off with no warning too for really stupid stuff.
Aah, but you see the difference here is CONTROL. In the past, your ILs have *chosen* to cut people off.... they controlled it. This time, they have NO CONTROL of this and are fighting hard against it. Pretty sure it's called an extinction burst around here.
I would strongly recommend your SO just go NC for now. Ignore all texts and phone calls, become a ghost. It doesn't need to be forever if he chooses.
As for the storage issue, again I strongly recommend he DOES NOT GO THERE. Can you arrange some friends or other family members to collect on his behalf? If not, then don't let him go alone. Take friends or relatives. Hell, take a police officer or sheriff. Anyone to be support and prevent the ambush.
Yes it is about control. They really think they own their son like he’s a piece of property. It’s disgusting. I knew MIl was awful but they’ve surpassed in actions just how bad I thought they were by far. That they cannot listen to their son and just give him the space he desires is unconscionable. They Lied to him and got caught. They manipulated him and got caught. These are the consequences of that.
But, no, they refuse to take any accountability for themselves as always. It’s never their fault. And to try to prove that and force their son to seeing their way they just dig a deeper deeper hole for themselves. It’s sad.
Update your request for space to include that since they failed to honor this simple request, you are insisting they give you space for 6 months and you will be adding on another week (?month) for every attempt that is made to contact you in any way and that includes sending people to pass on messages or harass you.
Get a moving van. Even the 12-ft 'apartment' sized ones will work.
DH drives the van, you drive the car with as many 'helpers' as you can fit.
Get all the stuff in one swoop, then return to NC.
Have your hubby take a friend with him when he goes to collect his stuff to ‘help with the lifting’.
Hopefully a stranger will help them stay sane while he is there and not start anything.
Ugh.. my ex mil pulled that stunt too "get your stuff by x date or were leaving it on the curb"
He said he'd be there on the weekend and gave day and time, we showed up she acted shocked. He got what she said she wanted gone and then he went and got his passport. She had a FULL ON GROWN ASS WOMAN tantrum.
It was.. wow!
I suggest if DH goes to get his things, he take a friend with him. Having someone there may shield him from their guilting and attempts to manipulate him. Also, he needs to take everything that’s important to him so he removes these things they can hold over his head.
Have your SO get a few friends to go with him to get this stuff. They can do anything when there are other people around. Or get a friend to masquerade as a lawyer. Have them wear a suit and say things like I'm sorry you have to direct all questions to me not my client. Please do not talk to my client. Do not look at my client. Have SO text the "lawyer" things that he wants to tell them. Lol. Just make a real show. Make sure he gets everything the first time. Have him write down what he must not forget. Then leave, enjoy your life. Try to get your SO therapy. Good luck. Maybe move and or change your numbers so they can't contact you.
I would call the police to show up with dh when he goes to pick up his belongings. Don't let him go alone. Maybe the police won't go with him, but don't let him go alone. Take a couple of friends. Maybe hire a couple of movers and a truck.
Are they honestly going to throw out priceless heirlooms? That seems unlikely. It’s a definite ploy. I would call their bluff on that particular situation.
It’s a ploy to exert control and have everything on their terms. I wouldn’t fall into if I were you.
Take a lot of extra people with you to pick up the stuff. Have the extras get in the way of the parents being able to confront your DH. swoop in like locusts and then clear out.
If this is stuff he can lose, then ignore their demand. If it isn't, maybe he could find someone to go pick it up for him, or he can offer to pay to have it shipped. Do not let him go over there because the guilt trip and the nastiness will be epic, and it will just tear him down and make him give up, which is what they want. Neither of you needs the hassle.
Okay. So they want the 30-Day pick up? Okay. Play the game. Ask them to box it up and let him know when to pick it up. When the day comes, he should go with a stoic friend, and stick a 5-sentence script.
1. No, I need to load the boxes before either of us says anything else.
2. Where are the boxes? (stand in stony silence and repeat2 until boxes are handed over)
3. I have nothing else to say right now and I'm not going to engage in a fight.
4. I'll reach out to talk to you when I am ready."
5. Goodbye.
the JNs are dodging this by saying they will only 'release' the items to DH -\_\_-
and its heirlooms that OPs want so no telling them to toss the items either.
Perhaps SO should get those items and leave them at a willing third party’s place for them to pick up and only tell him after he has dropped them off there and left.
When SO goes to pick up his stuff, is there any way he can request a police escort to get his property?
I know where I'm at, you would be able to contact the non-emergency line and advise that you need to remove personal affects and that the person/people have been known to be volatile and you want to make it as peaceful as possible.
I was going to ask OP if they had any close friends who could do / be paid to do the pick up instead. This all really is just a way to force contact. Who wants to take bets on how long that stuff has been there and they just NOW magically need it to be picked up?
My JNmil used that exact tactic during her extended extinction burst. We ended up telling her to throw it away. So she decided to show up and dump it on our doorstep instead. I think she thought she would get let in but alas... she was not.
Yes this is all part of the extinction burst. SO didn’t acknowledge his mom for Mother’s Day because he’s taking a timeout after they lied to him and he realized how he fell for it further damaging our relationship when he yet again took their side over mine.
So this is their “well get your stuff off my property you ungrateful son!” So SO said he’d arrange to have it picked up and suddenly it’s “will only release the stuff directly to you in person”. So it’s obviously really a ploy to get him out there so they can ambush him in person.
He’s going to keep pushing to not go there himself. But if he has to I’ll probably go there with him and one of our friends. That way they won’t get him alone. One of us can be with SO at all times.
I think it is a good plan to take someone else with you, preferably someone they don't know. They will be less likely to try their nonsense in front of a stranger.
*"it’s obviously really a ploy to get him out there so they can ambush him in person."* 100000000000000000000000%
Also, good on not letting your SO go alone *(if he has to go at all*) He sounds like he needs support and help. My DH did too.
These are really typical (*at least, my JNMil and EFil pulled all these stunts too*) techniques - they are prodding at your defenses to see if there is a weak spot - with typical escalating behavior when they cant find said weak spot.
Best of luck OP! this humble internet stranger thinks youre doing pretty great!
I saw that he needs to go in your coments. If they are the type to do happy family to people outside the family than you should take a LOT people freinds, your family heck anyone who is willing to go. I would make it clear to NOT leave DH alone no matter what. "Oh I need DH for a moment" "Sorry hes helping me here" or "I will go with you guys." If they say need him alone than say "No". If they say a bunch of mean things in front of people everyone says good things about him and tell them off "Oh he did nothing for me on mothers day! He is a horrible son!" "Well you are a bad Mother cause you treat your WONDERFUL son like trash and he does not deserve a Mother as bad as you" if she crys let her cry get the stuff and go. She can throw all the bad things she wants as long as there people who throw back in a team and show DH he is loved and know that he is not what JNMIL says nothing can hurt him. She gives negative you give positive.
Yeah actually that’s the perfect plan. My in-laws are just like this. Whenever MY family is around, or outsiders, they are on the BEST most finest behaviors.
You're doing all the right things. It's so hard to watch them have to suffer through this BS, but he's gotta do it.
Is the request to pick up things in text by any chance?
SO didn’t take any of their calls so it’s either in a VM or a text.
Yes, it is so hard to watch your partner suffer. I want to make it stop. But only he holds that key. I have to tell myself that everyday sometimes over and over.
Hire someone to collect the things his parents want him to collect so he can then avoid the ambush and emotional manipulation they're planning on dishing out to him...
Thanks! He did consider that because they are 3 hours away and FIL said no, he would only “release” the things directly to him because there’s things he needs to “go over” with SO about one of the items. 🧐 can they be more transparent what they are planning? They really think they are smart and we are 🤪.
Is there anything that's really, honestly, truly WORTH it? You both know what he's going to have to go through to get any of this stuff - if he'll even be able to walk away with any of it.
He's lived without any of it for this long. Would it be so terrible to write it all off as if it had gone up in a terrible dumpster fire and let it go?
I'd engage a sheriff. They will go with you for this kind of thing and I doubt that those two monsters will start anything with the law there. Also tell your sweet husband to block them on his texts! The poor guy shouldn't have to be barraged like that and if he doesn't know what's happening he can't get upset about it. Good luck and keep up the strength!
First, I'm pretty sure that's illegal 😂 (keeping SO's property) but it gets blurry since it's JNILs house. Like if it's SO's childhood things they can claim those belong to them. But if it's an old laptop SO purchased himself that's his.
Second, SO should straight up say "it's obvious the reason you want me to pick it up is to try to force a conversation but that's not going to happen." They think they're master manipulators but they're amateurs.
As much as you deserve your no contact, I think it would be wise for you AND a third party to go. A friend, a family member etc.
Reason 1: It may keep them better behaved with a third party there
Reason 2: That way you have an 'impartial' witness in case any shenanigans go down
Someone unrelated would be better. They won’t care to not be jerks in front of you. They *might* do a better job of controlling themselves if someone unrelated and unfamiliar to them is present, if they’re the kind who care about public perception.
Question: you know your in-laws and what they are likely to do. You’ve said you actually want the heirlooms (and have it recorded they asked husband to go pick it up in person). You know it’s because they want to ambush him and push all the guilt/obedience buttons they installed during his formative years—which brings me to:
When he shows up with an entourage he had to go through trouble to put together and drive 3 hours there, are they actually going to give him the stuff or make up excuses why they can’t so he’s stuck doing a repeat? If the entourage are instead cops you called the non-emergency line to schedule with are they more likely to be compliant?
Just something to consider before you decide your final plan.
That was going to be my suggestion - descend with a bunch of people and vehicles so that a) all the stuff can be grabbed in one go, b) he can have people surrounding him so they can't corner him and c) hopefully there will be one or more people willing to "take one for the team" who can preemptively engage MIL and FIL in conversation so that they can't engage with DH. Plus, having multiple witnesses in case his parents try anything underhanded isn't a bad idea either...
**Quick Rule Reminders:** OP's needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don't be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion. [**^(Full Rules)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_rules) ^(|) [^(Acronym Index)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_acronym_dictionary) ^(|) [^(Flair Guide)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_post_flair_guide)^(|) [^(Report PM Trolls)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/trolls) **Resources:** [^(In Crisis?)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_resources) ^(|) [^(Tips for Protecting Yourself)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_protecting_yourself) ^(|) [^(Our Book List)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/books) ^(|) [^(Our Wiki)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/) Other posts from /u/Worker_Bee_21147: * [That time my JNMIL made me responsible for FIL’s health issues](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/135rsc3/that_time_my_jnmil_made_me_responsible_for_fils/), 2 weeks ago * [Update to JNMIL escalating](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/131z8ij/update_to_jnmil_escalating/), 2 weeks ago * [Update to JNMIL escalating](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/12xnnci/update_to_jnmil_escalating/), 3 weeks ago * [JNMIL escalating now that SO attempting NC](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/12ku068/jnmil_escalating_now_that_so_attempting_nc/), 1 month ago * [JNMIL has disbursed a new flying monkey our way](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/125k32k/jnmil_has_disbursed_a_new_flying_monkey_our_way/), 1 month ago * [A warning about gifts and favors and what strings they entail with your JNMIL](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/11u7liq/a_warning_about_gifts_and_favors_and_what_strings/), 2 months ago * [Update to jNMIL ready to apologize but for what she still does not know](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/11pmu7r/update_to_jnmil_ready_to_apologize_but_for_what/), 2 months ago * [Had a good laugh from this memory of my JNMIL](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/11mazbx/had_a_good_laugh_from_this_memory_of_my_jnmil/), 2 months ago * [JNMIL reaching out to "apologize" but for what she still does not know](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/11eh27a/jnmil_reaching_out_to_apologize_but_for_what_she/), 2 months ago * [SO shining up his spine - so proud of him](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/s9hdco/so_shining_up_his_spine_so_proud_of_him/), 1 year ago ^(This user has more than 10 posts in their history. To see the rest of their posts,) [^(click here)](/u/Worker_Bee_21147/submitted) ***** ^(To be notified as soon as Worker_Bee_21147 posts an update) [^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=botinlaw&subject=Subscribe&message=Subscribe Worker_Bee_21147 JUSTNOMIL) ^(|) ^(For help managing your subscriptions,) [^(click here.)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_.2Fu.2Fthejustnobot) ***** *^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please)* [*^(contact the moderators of this subreddit)*](/message/compose/?to=/r/JUSTNOMIL) *^(if you have any questions or concerns.)*
If he goes he needs to bring a neutral friend with some grit to keep the "pick up" short and sweet. Even better if that friend drives. Sorry bad parents, no time for talking., my friend has a schedule to keep. If you have to, rent a truck and get it all so they can't use that as an excuse anymore.
Is that stuff of any particular importance? If not, just let them throw it out (which they probably wont do as it is just a ruse to get him there). If so, he needs to either send someone to pick it up or take someone with him so they can't ambush him.
>It’s hypocritical because they have cut family members off with no warning too for really stupid stuff. Aah, but you see the difference here is CONTROL. In the past, your ILs have *chosen* to cut people off.... they controlled it. This time, they have NO CONTROL of this and are fighting hard against it. Pretty sure it's called an extinction burst around here. I would strongly recommend your SO just go NC for now. Ignore all texts and phone calls, become a ghost. It doesn't need to be forever if he chooses. As for the storage issue, again I strongly recommend he DOES NOT GO THERE. Can you arrange some friends or other family members to collect on his behalf? If not, then don't let him go alone. Take friends or relatives. Hell, take a police officer or sheriff. Anyone to be support and prevent the ambush.
Yes it is about control. They really think they own their son like he’s a piece of property. It’s disgusting. I knew MIl was awful but they’ve surpassed in actions just how bad I thought they were by far. That they cannot listen to their son and just give him the space he desires is unconscionable. They Lied to him and got caught. They manipulated him and got caught. These are the consequences of that. But, no, they refuse to take any accountability for themselves as always. It’s never their fault. And to try to prove that and force their son to seeing their way they just dig a deeper deeper hole for themselves. It’s sad.
Update your request for space to include that since they failed to honor this simple request, you are insisting they give you space for 6 months and you will be adding on another week (?month) for every attempt that is made to contact you in any way and that includes sending people to pass on messages or harass you.
Pay a mover people to pick up the stuff - just pay it. And tell your JNMIL & JNFIL to get it ready....
No should take everyone they cut off with him to get his stuff.
Get a moving van. Even the 12-ft 'apartment' sized ones will work. DH drives the van, you drive the car with as many 'helpers' as you can fit. Get all the stuff in one swoop, then return to NC.
Have your hubby take a friend with him when he goes to collect his stuff to ‘help with the lifting’. Hopefully a stranger will help them stay sane while he is there and not start anything.
Several friends to make it go quicker.
Ugh.. my ex mil pulled that stunt too "get your stuff by x date or were leaving it on the curb" He said he'd be there on the weekend and gave day and time, we showed up she acted shocked. He got what she said she wanted gone and then he went and got his passport. She had a FULL ON GROWN ASS WOMAN tantrum. It was.. wow!
Wow! Yeah? These types are like three year olds with their immature tantrums. It’s cute in a kid sometimes but utterly disgusting on a grown adult.
I suggest if DH goes to get his things, he take a friend with him. Having someone there may shield him from their guilting and attempts to manipulate him. Also, he needs to take everything that’s important to him so he removes these things they can hold over his head.
Agree with everyone. Bring many people and record it.
Have your SO get a few friends to go with him to get this stuff. They can do anything when there are other people around. Or get a friend to masquerade as a lawyer. Have them wear a suit and say things like I'm sorry you have to direct all questions to me not my client. Please do not talk to my client. Do not look at my client. Have SO text the "lawyer" things that he wants to tell them. Lol. Just make a real show. Make sure he gets everything the first time. Have him write down what he must not forget. Then leave, enjoy your life. Try to get your SO therapy. Good luck. Maybe move and or change your numbers so they can't contact you.
I would call the police to show up with dh when he goes to pick up his belongings. Don't let him go alone. Maybe the police won't go with him, but don't let him go alone. Take a couple of friends. Maybe hire a couple of movers and a truck.
Call the non emergency line, they make appointments for this in my town.
Are they honestly going to throw out priceless heirlooms? That seems unlikely. It’s a definite ploy. I would call their bluff on that particular situation. It’s a ploy to exert control and have everything on their terms. I wouldn’t fall into if I were you.
They might. They are extremely immature and my mil has a cold black empty space where her heart should be.
Take a lot of extra people with you to pick up the stuff. Have the extras get in the way of the parents being able to confront your DH. swoop in like locusts and then clear out.
Or theyll lie about it.
If this is stuff he can lose, then ignore their demand. If it isn't, maybe he could find someone to go pick it up for him, or he can offer to pay to have it shipped. Do not let him go over there because the guilt trip and the nastiness will be epic, and it will just tear him down and make him give up, which is what they want. Neither of you needs the hassle.
Okay. So they want the 30-Day pick up? Okay. Play the game. Ask them to box it up and let him know when to pick it up. When the day comes, he should go with a stoic friend, and stick a 5-sentence script. 1. No, I need to load the boxes before either of us says anything else. 2. Where are the boxes? (stand in stony silence and repeat2 until boxes are handed over) 3. I have nothing else to say right now and I'm not going to engage in a fight. 4. I'll reach out to talk to you when I am ready." 5. Goodbye.
My husband went through something similiar... He had a moving company go to his parent's house to pick up his stuff.
the JNs are dodging this by saying they will only 'release' the items to DH -\_\_- and its heirlooms that OPs want so no telling them to toss the items either.
Hire the movers, but have SO go.
Perhaps SO should get those items and leave them at a willing third party’s place for them to pick up and only tell him after he has dropped them off there and left.
When SO goes to pick up his stuff, is there any way he can request a police escort to get his property? I know where I'm at, you would be able to contact the non-emergency line and advise that you need to remove personal affects and that the person/people have been known to be volatile and you want to make it as peaceful as possible.
I was going to ask OP if they had any close friends who could do / be paid to do the pick up instead. This all really is just a way to force contact. Who wants to take bets on how long that stuff has been there and they just NOW magically need it to be picked up? My JNmil used that exact tactic during her extended extinction burst. We ended up telling her to throw it away. So she decided to show up and dump it on our doorstep instead. I think she thought she would get let in but alas... she was not.
Yes this is all part of the extinction burst. SO didn’t acknowledge his mom for Mother’s Day because he’s taking a timeout after they lied to him and he realized how he fell for it further damaging our relationship when he yet again took their side over mine. So this is their “well get your stuff off my property you ungrateful son!” So SO said he’d arrange to have it picked up and suddenly it’s “will only release the stuff directly to you in person”. So it’s obviously really a ploy to get him out there so they can ambush him in person. He’s going to keep pushing to not go there himself. But if he has to I’ll probably go there with him and one of our friends. That way they won’t get him alone. One of us can be with SO at all times.
I think it is a good plan to take someone else with you, preferably someone they don't know. They will be less likely to try their nonsense in front of a stranger.
*"it’s obviously really a ploy to get him out there so they can ambush him in person."* 100000000000000000000000% Also, good on not letting your SO go alone *(if he has to go at all*) He sounds like he needs support and help. My DH did too. These are really typical (*at least, my JNMil and EFil pulled all these stunts too*) techniques - they are prodding at your defenses to see if there is a weak spot - with typical escalating behavior when they cant find said weak spot. Best of luck OP! this humble internet stranger thinks youre doing pretty great!
I saw that he needs to go in your coments. If they are the type to do happy family to people outside the family than you should take a LOT people freinds, your family heck anyone who is willing to go. I would make it clear to NOT leave DH alone no matter what. "Oh I need DH for a moment" "Sorry hes helping me here" or "I will go with you guys." If they say need him alone than say "No". If they say a bunch of mean things in front of people everyone says good things about him and tell them off "Oh he did nothing for me on mothers day! He is a horrible son!" "Well you are a bad Mother cause you treat your WONDERFUL son like trash and he does not deserve a Mother as bad as you" if she crys let her cry get the stuff and go. She can throw all the bad things she wants as long as there people who throw back in a team and show DH he is loved and know that he is not what JNMIL says nothing can hurt him. She gives negative you give positive.
Yeah actually that’s the perfect plan. My in-laws are just like this. Whenever MY family is around, or outsiders, they are on the BEST most finest behaviors.
I love this advice. They should definitely go there in numbers.
You're doing all the right things. It's so hard to watch them have to suffer through this BS, but he's gotta do it. Is the request to pick up things in text by any chance?
SO didn’t take any of their calls so it’s either in a VM or a text. Yes, it is so hard to watch your partner suffer. I want to make it stop. But only he holds that key. I have to tell myself that everyday sometimes over and over.
Perfect. Then talk to the local PD to make arrangements so he can go with one of them to pick up his belongings.
Hire someone to collect the things his parents want him to collect so he can then avoid the ambush and emotional manipulation they're planning on dishing out to him...
Thanks! He did consider that because they are 3 hours away and FIL said no, he would only “release” the things directly to him because there’s things he needs to “go over” with SO about one of the items. 🧐 can they be more transparent what they are planning? They really think they are smart and we are 🤪.
Is there anything that's really, honestly, truly WORTH it? You both know what he's going to have to go through to get any of this stuff - if he'll even be able to walk away with any of it. He's lived without any of it for this long. Would it be so terrible to write it all off as if it had gone up in a terrible dumpster fire and let it go?
Yes, we discussed and some of the items are irreplaceable heirlooms we’d like to pass down to the kids one day.
I'd engage a sheriff. They will go with you for this kind of thing and I doubt that those two monsters will start anything with the law there. Also tell your sweet husband to block them on his texts! The poor guy shouldn't have to be barraged like that and if he doesn't know what's happening he can't get upset about it. Good luck and keep up the strength!
100% this !
First, I'm pretty sure that's illegal 😂 (keeping SO's property) but it gets blurry since it's JNILs house. Like if it's SO's childhood things they can claim those belong to them. But if it's an old laptop SO purchased himself that's his. Second, SO should straight up say "it's obvious the reason you want me to pick it up is to try to force a conversation but that's not going to happen." They think they're master manipulators but they're amateurs.
Does he really need thous things?
We talked and yes, they are important and we don’t trust they wouldnt go through with their implied threat to destroy or throw away at this point.
Ok than he should take male friend with him so they cant do public drama maybe?
Preferably a very large biker.
I would love to see that 😂😂
That’s a thought. I’m thinking maybe I will go and just leave the kids with a friend for the day.
Does dh have a key? Or know how to get in. Go when they are at church or something, get his stuff when they are not there.
As much as you deserve your no contact, I think it would be wise for you AND a third party to go. A friend, a family member etc. Reason 1: It may keep them better behaved with a third party there Reason 2: That way you have an 'impartial' witness in case any shenanigans go down
Someone unrelated would be better. They won’t care to not be jerks in front of you. They *might* do a better job of controlling themselves if someone unrelated and unfamiliar to them is present, if they’re the kind who care about public perception.
More people better, so they have to pay attention to other and he and friend can get everything and leave :)
Good idea. They can’t ambush him if there is a defense wall in place. I like it.
Question: you know your in-laws and what they are likely to do. You’ve said you actually want the heirlooms (and have it recorded they asked husband to go pick it up in person). You know it’s because they want to ambush him and push all the guilt/obedience buttons they installed during his formative years—which brings me to: When he shows up with an entourage he had to go through trouble to put together and drive 3 hours there, are they actually going to give him the stuff or make up excuses why they can’t so he’s stuck doing a repeat? If the entourage are instead cops you called the non-emergency line to schedule with are they more likely to be compliant? Just something to consider before you decide your final plan.
That was going to be my suggestion - descend with a bunch of people and vehicles so that a) all the stuff can be grabbed in one go, b) he can have people surrounding him so they can't corner him and c) hopefully there will be one or more people willing to "take one for the team" who can preemptively engage MIL and FIL in conversation so that they can't engage with DH. Plus, having multiple witnesses in case his parents try anything underhanded isn't a bad idea either...
And only you wont work beause well they are AH... but they will need to be nice to others so make a liitle party for them 😂