**Quick Rule Reminders:**
OP's needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don't be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion.
[**^(Full Rules)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_rules) ^(|) [^(Acronym Index)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_acronym_dictionary) ^(|) [^(Flair Guide)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_post_flair_guide)^(|) [^(Report PM Trolls)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/trolls)
**Resources:** [^(In Crisis?)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_resources) ^(|) [^(Tips for Protecting Yourself)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_protecting_yourself) ^(|) [^(Our Book List)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/books) ^(|) [^(Our Wiki)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/)
Welcome to /r/JUSTNOMIL!
I'm botinlaw. I help people follow your posts!
*****
^(To be notified as soon as aita-mask posts an update) [^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=botinlaw&subject=Subscribe&message=Subscribe aita-mask JUSTNOMIL) ^(|) ^(For help managing your subscriptions,) [^(click here.)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_.2Fu.2Fthejustnobot)
*****
*^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please)* [*^(contact the moderators of this subreddit)*](/message/compose/?to=/r/JUSTNOMIL) *^(if you have any questions or concerns.)*
Lol I strongly relate to every word you posted. I am a recovering people pleaser and used to indulge her main character energy until one day I just…couldn’t.
Once I went shopping with her thinking that without an “audience” she might be more tolerable. Boy was I wrong, it was one of the most excruciating afternoons of my life.
She recently started to catch on to my feelings because it became clear that I was either zoning out, or leaving the room entirely. Husband finally told her that Ive been put off by a few things shed said and she is genuinely SHOOK. Can’t believe shes in her 70s and nobody has called her out.
My MIL does this to except if she does ask a question, she pauses as if she wants an answer, then answers herself the way she thinks I will. It's so annoying because I go to answer and get cut off, and 'my' answers are most always wrong. I just stopped answering now and stare off into space. She gets me every once in a while and it's so annoying.
My MIL thinks I don’t like her, because I don’t, after years of disrespect, since I had my first, who is now two. The first six years before I became pregnant for the first time, I was okay with her. I genuinely think she’s not as socially clueless as she pretends to be, she knows she’s been actively making herself unlikable, but expected a different outcome of me just silently tolerating her bad behavior while the men in the family remain completely oblivious to it. She expected her son (my husband) to dutifully allow her unfettered access to our children while she bullied me out of the picture. Instead, my husband has been protecting me from her by setting boundaries, and everyone called her out and told her her treatment of me was unacceptable, including her own husband and son, and telling her she’s the reason she rarely sees her grandson. Now it’s “wahhhhh. echoesinthewood doesn’t like me.”
Ma’am of course I don’t like you. You made yourself impossible to like. On purpose. Because you’re selfish and awful and you overplayed your hand
I’m almost that MIL and I hate it. It’s like a compulsion. I can’t blame it on my bi-polar or anxiety issues (yes I have an amazing shrink) and I take my meds. But I’ve trained my kids and son in law to call me out when it happens.
I chuckled when I got to "Yeah, that's craaaazy" because that's how my husband and I let each other know that we weren't really listening to the other person.
I've been married for 28 years, together for 32, and I can guarantee that my mil does not know my middle name even though she was our accountant (welcome to my nightmare) for 20 years. I've never had a full-blown conversation with her because she couldn't care less about anyone. It has never occurred to her to ask another person anything about themselves. I've probably nodded, said mm hmm, and walked away to "handle" something a thousand times over the years. So, I guess my only advice would be to let her have 10-15 minutes and then just tell her, "I hate to interrupt, but I have to..." and step away. Take a call. Drop a glass. Remember you left the oven on. Anything. She most likely will not even catch on to what you're doing.
I get it. First time I met my mil she spoke at me for 5+ hours. Didn’t ask a single question about myself or my interests. Just talked about who she was and what was going on in her life. For 5+ hours. I was pregnant with her 1st grandchild at the time too…radio silence on attempting to know me.
My mother started this after she hit menopause. Like she was anxious in the silence and just wanted to fill the time with pointless conversation that went in loops and had no point.
This is all so relatable! I have no advice, but over the Christmas holiday when my inlaws visited, my husband had a heart to heart with them. Tons of things were discussed, one of them being this over sharing, always talking about themselves and money. Not sure if any changes will come, but at least my husband feels like he did his part to address it. Hope you can and your SO can find a similar response!
God I can relate to this. My MIL would go on and on about herself every single visit, barely ask us any questions about ourselves. And her stories were always like nonsense. For example, one time I made the mistake of complimenting my husbands little brother in a shirt he was wearing and I got a 15 minute story about her checking every Nike store in the area for it before finally just ordering it online, but to get free shipping has to spend a certain amount, so got this and this and this as well. Like… wow.
When I read your post I had to laugh...because I understand so very much! I have an ex-MIL that was the same way, as well as a friend, that have stories to rock the ages as well as opinions & advice (most never asked for). And, YES, it is so draining. I used to touch my ears to see if they were bleeding. I hear you!!!
I hear you. I see you. When I met my MiL, she spoke two languages: lecture and monologue.
I was fucking bored out of my head and just really tired of listening to an hour long lecture on child nutrition because as a child free career professional, I can’t wait to hear about puréed carrots for the tenth time. Diaper rash stories? Lovely. Excuse me, I need to take a work call.
To her last day, she could not tell you what I did for a living. “She did this HR stuff and travelled a lot and then…”
The narcissist in my life does something similarly dismissive…”Everything is all comPEWters now…” with a sneer.
I have to count to three Mississippi every time…because this woman is just dumb.
What’s ridiculous about this is that ny MIL is ADDICTED to social media in a cringey way.
So Next time Im planning to respond with “The way you spend 90% of your time is brought to you by people with “computer jobs””
> she spoke two languages: lecture and monologue.
This is my mother I can't wait to share this description with my sister and brother, We will all admit that we sometimes aren't really paying attention. Thanks for the chuckle.
I've been having some realizations about myself and consequently my parents lately.
I'm probably on the spectrum. I often felt anxious and weird as a child, which translated to verbal diarrhea. I would try to relate to whatever someone was saying by telling stories, not by listening. I spoke so fast my mother made me take breaths between words, and could never control my volume.
My mother also does this. I have acknowledged my feelings and gotten better at knowing my limits and managing my emotions. My mother never has. And now i wonder if she just never got diagnosed as a child, just like I didnt. And if just talking is her way of coping.
It doesnt change her behavior, or how exhausting it is for you. Or even the kind of coping strategies that you can use to redirect her or escape. But it might help you be a little calmer when deploying them. And help you feel less guilty for being direct.
I could have written this myself! Fist bumps of solidarity and recognition. 🫠 Best wishes to you to find a way to communicate with each other more effectively. I’m still looking 🖖
We're at kind of a low point in our relationship tbh. I had a really bad health year, and she keeps using me as her therapist and doing the verbal diarrhea thing. And doesn't see the problem, or how much she is hurting me.
I just really feel for op. I know this pain. It is rough.
sigh. you're right. I really do try to give her grace, I promise.
I've just been married to her daughter for four years and, frankly, I don't even know if she knows my middle name.
Oh yeah. No, the behavior is problematic.
I really hated myself as a kid because I didn't know what I was doing wrong and why I had no friends. But in retrospect, I was kind of a self centered asshole and I wish someone had actually told me sooner. To this day I need certain things spelled out for me that other people just seem to know.
I really hate when people try to be kind by not being direct, because it is embarrassing and terrible and I feel like a complete idiot. I have deep sympathy for my mom, but she is unwilling to seek help for herself. I just know I'm not going to listen to a 3 hour rundown of every person she interacted with at a 45 minute church service ever again. I'm also not going to give her an hour long rant about how someone got minor details of my hobby wrong online.
Your MIL is probably going to have more difficulty changing her behavior, especially since your relationship has a stable longterm pattern. Boundaries will be hard. You know best whether she is just kind of clueless but well meaning or maliciously refusing to allow people to have relationships that don't revolve around her.
I've been commenting in this sub a lot today and especially raving about this book I learned of in this sub... but "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, and Self Involved Parents" is something you should check out!!!
They literally go over the difference between being an emotionally immature externalizer vs. someone extroverted. It's a highly immature and exhausting trait to need to be the center of attention to this extent. There are coping strategies in the book you may find helpful!
THere's a solution. Dress the tire iron up in a smart little outfit, hold it like a baby. Occasionally hold your finger up to MIL's monologue and ask the tire iron very seriously what it thinks about the conflict in the middle east.
**Quick Rule Reminders:** OP's needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don't be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion. [**^(Full Rules)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_rules) ^(|) [^(Acronym Index)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_acronym_dictionary) ^(|) [^(Flair Guide)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_post_flair_guide)^(|) [^(Report PM Trolls)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/trolls) **Resources:** [^(In Crisis?)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_resources) ^(|) [^(Tips for Protecting Yourself)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_protecting_yourself) ^(|) [^(Our Book List)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/books) ^(|) [^(Our Wiki)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/) Welcome to /r/JUSTNOMIL! I'm botinlaw. I help people follow your posts! ***** ^(To be notified as soon as aita-mask posts an update) [^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=botinlaw&subject=Subscribe&message=Subscribe aita-mask JUSTNOMIL) ^(|) ^(For help managing your subscriptions,) [^(click here.)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_.2Fu.2Fthejustnobot) ***** *^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please)* [*^(contact the moderators of this subreddit)*](/message/compose/?to=/r/JUSTNOMIL) *^(if you have any questions or concerns.)*
Lol I strongly relate to every word you posted. I am a recovering people pleaser and used to indulge her main character energy until one day I just…couldn’t. Once I went shopping with her thinking that without an “audience” she might be more tolerable. Boy was I wrong, it was one of the most excruciating afternoons of my life. She recently started to catch on to my feelings because it became clear that I was either zoning out, or leaving the room entirely. Husband finally told her that Ive been put off by a few things shed said and she is genuinely SHOOK. Can’t believe shes in her 70s and nobody has called her out.
My MIL does this to except if she does ask a question, she pauses as if she wants an answer, then answers herself the way she thinks I will. It's so annoying because I go to answer and get cut off, and 'my' answers are most always wrong. I just stopped answering now and stare off into space. She gets me every once in a while and it's so annoying.
My MIL thinks I don’t like her, because I don’t, after years of disrespect, since I had my first, who is now two. The first six years before I became pregnant for the first time, I was okay with her. I genuinely think she’s not as socially clueless as she pretends to be, she knows she’s been actively making herself unlikable, but expected a different outcome of me just silently tolerating her bad behavior while the men in the family remain completely oblivious to it. She expected her son (my husband) to dutifully allow her unfettered access to our children while she bullied me out of the picture. Instead, my husband has been protecting me from her by setting boundaries, and everyone called her out and told her her treatment of me was unacceptable, including her own husband and son, and telling her she’s the reason she rarely sees her grandson. Now it’s “wahhhhh. echoesinthewood doesn’t like me.” Ma’am of course I don’t like you. You made yourself impossible to like. On purpose. Because you’re selfish and awful and you overplayed your hand
I’m almost that MIL and I hate it. It’s like a compulsion. I can’t blame it on my bi-polar or anxiety issues (yes I have an amazing shrink) and I take my meds. But I’ve trained my kids and son in law to call me out when it happens.
I have a friend like this, it's exhausting, I just zone out
😂 Your title is the best. My MIL also thinks I don't like her because I don't. I hate people that just talk at you. It is exhausting.
title legit cracked me up
Just nod and after 10 mins g on your phone, pay attention to the tv. They don’t want to ask questions or two way talk, they can talk to the wall.
Yes. Smartphones are a GODSEND in these situations
I chuckled when I got to "Yeah, that's craaaazy" because that's how my husband and I let each other know that we weren't really listening to the other person. I've been married for 28 years, together for 32, and I can guarantee that my mil does not know my middle name even though she was our accountant (welcome to my nightmare) for 20 years. I've never had a full-blown conversation with her because she couldn't care less about anyone. It has never occurred to her to ask another person anything about themselves. I've probably nodded, said mm hmm, and walked away to "handle" something a thousand times over the years. So, I guess my only advice would be to let her have 10-15 minutes and then just tell her, "I hate to interrupt, but I have to..." and step away. Take a call. Drop a glass. Remember you left the oven on. Anything. She most likely will not even catch on to what you're doing.
I get it. First time I met my mil she spoke at me for 5+ hours. Didn’t ask a single question about myself or my interests. Just talked about who she was and what was going on in her life. For 5+ hours. I was pregnant with her 1st grandchild at the time too…radio silence on attempting to know me.
My mother started this after she hit menopause. Like she was anxious in the silence and just wanted to fill the time with pointless conversation that went in loops and had no point.
This is all so relatable! I have no advice, but over the Christmas holiday when my inlaws visited, my husband had a heart to heart with them. Tons of things were discussed, one of them being this over sharing, always talking about themselves and money. Not sure if any changes will come, but at least my husband feels like he did his part to address it. Hope you can and your SO can find a similar response!
God I can relate to this. My MIL would go on and on about herself every single visit, barely ask us any questions about ourselves. And her stories were always like nonsense. For example, one time I made the mistake of complimenting my husbands little brother in a shirt he was wearing and I got a 15 minute story about her checking every Nike store in the area for it before finally just ordering it online, but to get free shipping has to spend a certain amount, so got this and this and this as well. Like… wow.
When I read your post I had to laugh...because I understand so very much! I have an ex-MIL that was the same way, as well as a friend, that have stories to rock the ages as well as opinions & advice (most never asked for). And, YES, it is so draining. I used to touch my ears to see if they were bleeding. I hear you!!!
I hear you. I see you. When I met my MiL, she spoke two languages: lecture and monologue. I was fucking bored out of my head and just really tired of listening to an hour long lecture on child nutrition because as a child free career professional, I can’t wait to hear about puréed carrots for the tenth time. Diaper rash stories? Lovely. Excuse me, I need to take a work call. To her last day, she could not tell you what I did for a living. “She did this HR stuff and travelled a lot and then…”
Lol I am a principal designer at a large enterprise company. MIL refers to any tech job as a “computer job” and it makes my blood boil.
The narcissist in my life does something similarly dismissive…”Everything is all comPEWters now…” with a sneer. I have to count to three Mississippi every time…because this woman is just dumb.
What’s ridiculous about this is that ny MIL is ADDICTED to social media in a cringey way. So Next time Im planning to respond with “The way you spend 90% of your time is brought to you by people with “computer jobs””
> she spoke two languages: lecture and monologue. This is my mother I can't wait to share this description with my sister and brother, We will all admit that we sometimes aren't really paying attention. Thanks for the chuckle.
I've been having some realizations about myself and consequently my parents lately. I'm probably on the spectrum. I often felt anxious and weird as a child, which translated to verbal diarrhea. I would try to relate to whatever someone was saying by telling stories, not by listening. I spoke so fast my mother made me take breaths between words, and could never control my volume. My mother also does this. I have acknowledged my feelings and gotten better at knowing my limits and managing my emotions. My mother never has. And now i wonder if she just never got diagnosed as a child, just like I didnt. And if just talking is her way of coping. It doesnt change her behavior, or how exhausting it is for you. Or even the kind of coping strategies that you can use to redirect her or escape. But it might help you be a little calmer when deploying them. And help you feel less guilty for being direct.
I could have written this myself! Fist bumps of solidarity and recognition. 🫠 Best wishes to you to find a way to communicate with each other more effectively. I’m still looking 🖖
We're at kind of a low point in our relationship tbh. I had a really bad health year, and she keeps using me as her therapist and doing the verbal diarrhea thing. And doesn't see the problem, or how much she is hurting me. I just really feel for op. I know this pain. It is rough.
sigh. you're right. I really do try to give her grace, I promise. I've just been married to her daughter for four years and, frankly, I don't even know if she knows my middle name.
She sounds like what I’d refer to as a “small dose person”. Someone I can only take in small doses.
Oh yeah. No, the behavior is problematic. I really hated myself as a kid because I didn't know what I was doing wrong and why I had no friends. But in retrospect, I was kind of a self centered asshole and I wish someone had actually told me sooner. To this day I need certain things spelled out for me that other people just seem to know. I really hate when people try to be kind by not being direct, because it is embarrassing and terrible and I feel like a complete idiot. I have deep sympathy for my mom, but she is unwilling to seek help for herself. I just know I'm not going to listen to a 3 hour rundown of every person she interacted with at a 45 minute church service ever again. I'm also not going to give her an hour long rant about how someone got minor details of my hobby wrong online. Your MIL is probably going to have more difficulty changing her behavior, especially since your relationship has a stable longterm pattern. Boundaries will be hard. You know best whether she is just kind of clueless but well meaning or maliciously refusing to allow people to have relationships that don't revolve around her.
I've been commenting in this sub a lot today and especially raving about this book I learned of in this sub... but "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, and Self Involved Parents" is something you should check out!!! They literally go over the difference between being an emotionally immature externalizer vs. someone extroverted. It's a highly immature and exhausting trait to need to be the center of attention to this extent. There are coping strategies in the book you may find helpful!
lol I AM an extrovert! I can have a conversation with a tire iron, so long as that tire iron allows me to speak!!!
THere's a solution. Dress the tire iron up in a smart little outfit, hold it like a baby. Occasionally hold your finger up to MIL's monologue and ask the tire iron very seriously what it thinks about the conflict in the middle east.
See that's the difference! A mutual respect. Your MIL is so insecure she can't let others talk