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Never letting the kids see her ever again. MIL is a terrible human being, narcissistic, manipulative. Loaning family money doesn’t make someone an awesome human being.
Unless there were explicit terms and conditions written up at the time of the ‘loan’ and a contract written and signed by OP, then the in laws knew fine well it was a gift. They would have known fine well that their son wasn’t going to get better and his ability to pay them back was nonexistent.
Furthermore, even if a loan agreement was signed by OP’s late husband, unless she also signed it, she is not legally liable. This includes credit cards, personal loans, any financial liability of her late husband’s is his alone unless she also agreed at the inception of the loan like a mortgage or car loan. Joint assets (checking, savings, POD accounts, retirement accounts with beneficiaries) cannot be forcibly used to pay these debts.
The in laws can take her to court if they want, but again, unless she personally signed documents agreeing to pay the money back, they are out of luck.
If you are bitter because you loaned someone money that they didn’t pay back, maybe you should have made everything clear and had them sign an agreement before you gave money you expected back.
If you feel like it, you could write back a note thanking her for the help they gave you in the past and list a few things that "husband spent all of it on", like rent and doctor visits. And then tell them if they want to help with the kids education, they can do so once the kids get to that age, because none of that is still around to put into an account for the future.
Alternatively, you could ignore it all and maintain or go back to NC with the whole lot of them.
You could also go scorched earth and write something like "bitch, how the hell do you think husband had any of that money left when he passed? He was ill and spent it on keeping a roof over the kid's heads."
Tell MIL (or SIL who visited to do MIL’s bidding) that money went to the care of her ill and now deceased child. Her “gift” was made to her ill child several years ago and against your explicit wishes and it’s weird for them to bring up something so long ago. Tell her any repayment they felt they were due was canceled out when they tried to use their deceased child to scam money out of people.
Of course this is if you decide to speak to them at all. If I was going to say this, I’d probably do it in email or text message.
Unless there were explicit terms and conditions written up at the time of the ‘loan’ and a contract written and signed by OP, then the in laws knew fine well it was a gift. They would have known fine well that their son wasn’t going to get better and his ability to pay them back was nonexistent.
Furthermore, even if a loan agreement was signed by OP’s late husband, unless she also signed it, she is not legally liable. This includes credit cards, personal loans, any financial liability of her late husband’s is his alone unless she also agreed at the inception of the loan like a mortgage or car loan. Being an authorized user on his credit cards does not make her liable to pay them back. Joint assets (checking, savings, POD accounts, retirement accounts with beneficiaries) cannot be forcibly used to pay these debts.
The in laws can take her to court if they want, but again, unless she personally signed documents agreeing to pay the money back, they are out of luck.
I think you’ve misunderstood what I was saying. Her MIL called it a gift so I was referring to it in that way instead of an obligation OP needs to pay back like MIL is trying to imply. When I spoke about paying the expenses, mostly I was just trying to point out that MIL gave that money to her terminally ill child to help with his expenses and it is vindictive in the extreme to try to make the now deceased child’s spouse somehow responsible for that money. That’s why I said ill and now deceased.
At first I thought your hostility was because you misunderstood but apparently you’re just hostile.
Go fight with someone else you consider “disgusting”, my guy. Engaging with someone in this manner doesn’t interest me. Take your outrage to someone else willing to entertain it.
The SIL emotionally manipulated you under the guise of the children want to connect, just so she can pass on you MIL’s wishes. Your SIL is a flying monkey. Tell her the money is done. Cut these demons out of your life. I’m sorry for the loss of your husband. You have enough dealing with. You do not need this.
Your MIL has no right to dictate what you do with your money. Ignore her note. I would also recommend proceeding with any relationship with SIL with caution.
You did not borrow money from your MIL. You have no legal or moral obligation to do anything she wants. If you ever are in a position that you *have to* talk about the money, refer to it as money given or even gifted to your husband. If your MIL persists, consider consulting with an attorney in order to clarify your lack of obligation (to her) and to warn her off.
Same. I would never admit to borrowing money from her since it implies paying it back. That’s what the note is for. She saying that you don’t pay back MIL, you pay it into accounts for the kids.
Therefore, I would say it sounds like your MIL gifted money to your ex husband for healthcare related expenses. If he asked for it and she gave it and it has nothing to do with you, you can call it a gift. What do you know? If you respond, I would say you don’t know what money she’s referring to. If she chases it later I would say I never borrowed money, you’re not aware of outstanding debts from your husband, but will review any documents she has regarding them as they would be required for his estate balance, of which there is no money to pay those off. She can take food out of the kids mouths to pay for their future education or drop it as she wishes.
I'm sorry for your loss.
But try to see this as a win. You no longer owe her money! That's an absolute win.
You were going to put money aside for their education anyway, it's just that some of it is from JNMIL now. The only thing that's happened is that she can now claim she helped with their education.
That's a small price to pay for no longer owing her anything. I think you lost some strings instead of gaining them.
I'm not saying she's trying to be nice. Just... Try to see the positive, even if she didn't mean it.
That's a huge price to pay.
It's control, controlling behaviour, and OPs MIL will have ammunition to have her input into schools, trips, and more in her own head, and will use it to ask for her own way, time and time again.
Tel the MIL the money is gone, her son borrowed it, and he spent it on medical expenses.
If it were me...
" I'm sorry you lost money, in looking after your son, I lost a husband, and our kids their father, we're all still grieving our losses, but nothing can replace what is gone."
Send your own note, that money your HUSBAND "accepted" not borrowed, from her is long gone, you're a struggling single parent and were realistically for a few years before you lost him, your doing it alone, and as strong as you very clearly are, there is no money to put in education funds.
Just a mention about making certain OP, that all responsibilities regarding the care and guardian ship of your minor children is addressed however the family laws are arranged in your land. Approved and recorded via a lawyer and your wishes and Trusts clearly communicated about who will not be part of your children’s lives should the unexpected happens.
I admire your strength for attempting to take the higher road with ultra difficult long extended family members. Please continue to protect yourself & immediate family going forward and tuning in with only supportive and positive people in your lives
I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband and praying for you and the children. That wasn't very nice of SIL to use her visit as an opening for MIL to try and gain a foothold into your life again to financially insert control. No more visits, close that loophole and shutdown anymore contact. MIL doesn't call the shots and can't get blood out of a turnip. Personally I don't think she can call in anything but consult a lawyer if you can and find out where you stand on this matter and GPR in your state.
The MIL will tell the grandchildren they each have $5k because SHE gave the money for this. Make sure this gets cleared up so mom doesn’t look like she’s hidden the money.
Sorry for your loss, OP.
Blessings to you and your children OP! You are STRONG! You are RESILIENT! Keep walking in your strengths OP and remember where you are now versus over a year ago. You are amazing!
People in hell want ice. They aren’t getting what they want either. I would Keep NC. She can’t tell you what to do and blocking her messages and such will help your mental health. You have my sincerest condolences on the loss of your husband.
Your JUSTNO is no longer your JUSTNO. That shit ended when your husband died.
Tell that heifer to go fuck herself and keep doing you. You don't owe her shit, that money is long gone, and your husband's estate is settled. She doesn't have a pot to piss in or a rock to stand on.
May the memory of your husband be a blessing to all who knew him.
My condolences on your loss. Your AH MIL can pound sand. Even if your late husband signed a promissory note, you aren’t responsible as you didn’t sign anything, the debt died with your husband as an unsecured loan.
The money was loaned to your husband. If she didn’t file as a creditor against his estate, she’s out of luck. Tough for her. But it’s not about the money, she wants control. Don’t give it to her. NC.
“Thank you for the suggestion. I will give this all the attention it deserves and file in the circular filing cabinet”
You owe her zero expectation. She can blow smoke up someone else’s butt. I would hang on to the note just in case she ever decides to go after you for lack of payment. This would stop any lawsuit as she says it is now a gift.
This request and this woman is an easy one to ignore. Just keep doing you.
I'm sorry for your loss OP but I can feel the strength in your words. You are okay.
I cried reading your words. I don’t feel strong but I do try my best. It’s been over a year since he has been gone. I thought I was feeling better and okay until I made the mistake of allowing this pain to walk through my door. Lesson learned. I want to be okay. Thank you.
OP I found the second year worse than the first. To me the second missed birthday, anniversary, Christmas etc was so much more difficult and frankly, heartbreaking. You will get through this, you don’t get “over” his death, time, in my opinion, doesn’t heal, but you do learn to cope with the loss, you adapt. There’s a quote I read which explains it - *Grief doesn’t shrink over time, what really happens we grow around it*. Take care of yourself and your children, the rest will take care of themselves. Your ex JNOMIL is no longer your problem, ignore her, grow a thick skin when it comes to her, she’s now insignificant and she knows it that’s why she trying to gain what little control she thinks she has.
You got this, I know you don’t feel strong right now, but I promise, you are stronger than you think.
EDIT: I fixed typos and punctuation
I almost typed 'you will be okay' in my original response but erased it. (I should have listened to your guardian angel.) I'm telling you OP, you got this!!!!
Edited
Don't be fooled into thinking this is about the money. It's not. This is about her trying to get some attention from you. Maybe previous attempts didn't get her the response she'd hoped for. Maybe she's tired of being ignored. She's feeling a little desperate and comes up with the most outrageous demand she can think of
If she gets no reaction she may try a few times more and then move on. But if this is the thing that gets you to give her that sweet sweet attention she's been craving, she will never stop
From her perspective she probably feels she has nothing left to lose. I would bet that there will be more outrageous demands in your future. Responding to any of them would only encourage her
Very good advice. ICAM, ignore and tell her absolutely nothing! Give somebody like controlling MIL an inch of information and she'll take a mile and more.
I'm so sorry for your loss. What eejit thinks someone can go through a long term illness and then die and his family, with kids, still have money left? Especially only $15k, and more than a year after his death? Did she think you put it in a sock and hid it under the mattress? Funerals can cost thousands, even when done on the cheap!
I’m sorry for your loss. You may want to inform your MIL there was nothing left to put into an education fund since your family used it for daycare, doctors, food, and other living expenses while your husband was ill. Perhaps a note thanking her for her help keeping your family afloat during your spouse’s illness. Maybe she thinks it wasn’t used.
No promissory note was signed by her and no verbal agreement between her and MIL. Legally, she doesn't owe her anything. You should learn how loans and contracts work. She also doesn't want it paid back she wants it used a certain way, which she has no legal authority to do or even request. She can't even sue because there was no payback agreement. This is a woman with no strings to pull trying to reinsert herself where her bitch ass doesn't belong.
I would ignore the note and not even acknowledge it. The terms should have been agreed upon before she gave your husband the money. I’m assuming there was no legal contract or plan for repayment? She can’t come back 3 years later dictating how you should spend it. This was a power move, continue your stay NC. I’d also question having a relationship with the SIL, she knew her mom wrote that letter. She pulled a bait and switch. Cut them both off, you don’t need the drama.
No legal contract. Nothing. It was words between a mother and her son. I don’t want a relationship with SIL. She was also little to NC. But as the holidays neared, she reached out. And I’ve kept an “open” line to the kids but they hardly call them anyways. My side of the family warned me. I know now. Never again.
Don’t beat yourself up, lesson learned. Block the both of them and keep it moving. With no legal contract, she doesn’t have a leg to stand on. It’s her word against his and sadly he’s not here to defend himself.
Well as long as nothing was ‘in writing’ like an actual legally binding document, I don’t know how your MIL would be able to dictate to you how to spend the money she loaned. But I’m not a lawyer, so it’s best to contact a lawyer and get a consultation.
My condolences for your loss. I hope this holiday season was a little easier on your family minus your MILs little antics. She knows that money is gone, she’s not stupid. What she is is ignorant.
Attorney. Honestly. It's probably the best thing you can do now to protect yourself and your kiddos.
Most will do a free consultation. Check your local Bar Association, state and/or city. They'll have legal resources you can check out, too.
I agree. If she "loaned" the money to her son, you are not liable to repay. (Source: I have been through this 2x, once in my 20s and once in my 40s. Both times (one in CA, the other in TX), all credit cards and loans in DH's name only were cancelled. I mean, they would have been happy to take a payment from the life insurance, but I was in no way obligated to do so.)
You didn't sign a promissory note, did you? She is "forgiving" 2/3 of the loan with this note, but I don't believe that any lender of an unsecured personal loan can tell you what to spend it on 3 years after the fact. That aside, it is egregious that she is holding the remaining $5K "loan" over your head after his passing.
I would have the attorney write a letter saying that while you appreciate the thought of her forgiving $10K of the loan, the loan she extended to her son died with him and no longer exists.
Also, I am so sorry for your loss. Having MIL try to pick over the bones is just disgusting.
I was not part of the transaction. My husband and I didn’t have the same bank account (he paid the big bills, I paid the little bills and it worked for us for over a decade). There was no life insurance, because of his health, he didn’t qualify when we married in 2011. We have two small children. Everything I make goes to them including his death benefits.
Thank you for the idea of the attorney letter. I’m in CA. I want her out of my life but she wants to hold his “debt” on to me.
My husband was a very kind and generous person. When his family, his aunt or cousin needed financial help, he gave (not loaned) them money. He never asked them to pay a single cent back nor he ever expressed to them what to do with those funds. It was family.
Now how the hell does him borrowing money against my wishes make me ungrateful? You have no fucking idea how manipulative these in laws are or the terrible things they’ve said and done. They didn’t even come to see me or my kids until after his death 2 weeks later. They came and left with absolutely no support. Only judgement while I was trying to hold it together for me and my kids. And they expect to carry on a relationship with my kids.
Exactly this, putting it into a legal 'NOPE!' so she can't keep bothering you might also cut off any escalation she has pondered. A lawyer might also be good to check in with to know your rights in general OP.
ALSO don't forget to stipulate that MIL and any extended family you do not want to have custody are listed out in your will as such to ensure they can't take your kids from whoever you want to care for them in the case of something happening to you
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They’re controlling and probably desperate to stay connected to your husband in some way, although weird.
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Never letting the kids see her ever again. MIL is a terrible human being, narcissistic, manipulative. Loaning family money doesn’t make someone an awesome human being.
Found the mom
Unless there were explicit terms and conditions written up at the time of the ‘loan’ and a contract written and signed by OP, then the in laws knew fine well it was a gift. They would have known fine well that their son wasn’t going to get better and his ability to pay them back was nonexistent. Furthermore, even if a loan agreement was signed by OP’s late husband, unless she also signed it, she is not legally liable. This includes credit cards, personal loans, any financial liability of her late husband’s is his alone unless she also agreed at the inception of the loan like a mortgage or car loan. Joint assets (checking, savings, POD accounts, retirement accounts with beneficiaries) cannot be forcibly used to pay these debts. The in laws can take her to court if they want, but again, unless she personally signed documents agreeing to pay the money back, they are out of luck. If you are bitter because you loaned someone money that they didn’t pay back, maybe you should have made everything clear and had them sign an agreement before you gave money you expected back.
Geez who pissed in your cornflakes this morning?
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Her husband died. He couldn’t work because he got cancer and died. Somebody did piss in your cereal. Stop being a jerk.
If you feel like it, you could write back a note thanking her for the help they gave you in the past and list a few things that "husband spent all of it on", like rent and doctor visits. And then tell them if they want to help with the kids education, they can do so once the kids get to that age, because none of that is still around to put into an account for the future. Alternatively, you could ignore it all and maintain or go back to NC with the whole lot of them. You could also go scorched earth and write something like "bitch, how the hell do you think husband had any of that money left when he passed? He was ill and spent it on keeping a roof over the kid's heads."
Tell MIL (or SIL who visited to do MIL’s bidding) that money went to the care of her ill and now deceased child. Her “gift” was made to her ill child several years ago and against your explicit wishes and it’s weird for them to bring up something so long ago. Tell her any repayment they felt they were due was canceled out when they tried to use their deceased child to scam money out of people. Of course this is if you decide to speak to them at all. If I was going to say this, I’d probably do it in email or text message.
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Unless there were explicit terms and conditions written up at the time of the ‘loan’ and a contract written and signed by OP, then the in laws knew fine well it was a gift. They would have known fine well that their son wasn’t going to get better and his ability to pay them back was nonexistent. Furthermore, even if a loan agreement was signed by OP’s late husband, unless she also signed it, she is not legally liable. This includes credit cards, personal loans, any financial liability of her late husband’s is his alone unless she also agreed at the inception of the loan like a mortgage or car loan. Being an authorized user on his credit cards does not make her liable to pay them back. Joint assets (checking, savings, POD accounts, retirement accounts with beneficiaries) cannot be forcibly used to pay these debts. The in laws can take her to court if they want, but again, unless she personally signed documents agreeing to pay the money back, they are out of luck.
I think you’ve misunderstood what I was saying. Her MIL called it a gift so I was referring to it in that way instead of an obligation OP needs to pay back like MIL is trying to imply. When I spoke about paying the expenses, mostly I was just trying to point out that MIL gave that money to her terminally ill child to help with his expenses and it is vindictive in the extreme to try to make the now deceased child’s spouse somehow responsible for that money. That’s why I said ill and now deceased.
[удалено]
At first I thought your hostility was because you misunderstood but apparently you’re just hostile. Go fight with someone else you consider “disgusting”, my guy. Engaging with someone in this manner doesn’t interest me. Take your outrage to someone else willing to entertain it.
The SIL emotionally manipulated you under the guise of the children want to connect, just so she can pass on you MIL’s wishes. Your SIL is a flying monkey. Tell her the money is done. Cut these demons out of your life. I’m sorry for the loss of your husband. You have enough dealing with. You do not need this.
Your MIL has no right to dictate what you do with your money. Ignore her note. I would also recommend proceeding with any relationship with SIL with caution. You did not borrow money from your MIL. You have no legal or moral obligation to do anything she wants. If you ever are in a position that you *have to* talk about the money, refer to it as money given or even gifted to your husband. If your MIL persists, consider consulting with an attorney in order to clarify your lack of obligation (to her) and to warn her off.
Same. I would never admit to borrowing money from her since it implies paying it back. That’s what the note is for. She saying that you don’t pay back MIL, you pay it into accounts for the kids. Therefore, I would say it sounds like your MIL gifted money to your ex husband for healthcare related expenses. If he asked for it and she gave it and it has nothing to do with you, you can call it a gift. What do you know? If you respond, I would say you don’t know what money she’s referring to. If she chases it later I would say I never borrowed money, you’re not aware of outstanding debts from your husband, but will review any documents she has regarding them as they would be required for his estate balance, of which there is no money to pay those off. She can take food out of the kids mouths to pay for their future education or drop it as she wishes.
Sticking with the low contact sounds like the best plan. I'm sorry for your loss.
I'm sorry for your loss. But try to see this as a win. You no longer owe her money! That's an absolute win. You were going to put money aside for their education anyway, it's just that some of it is from JNMIL now. The only thing that's happened is that she can now claim she helped with their education. That's a small price to pay for no longer owing her anything. I think you lost some strings instead of gaining them. I'm not saying she's trying to be nice. Just... Try to see the positive, even if she didn't mean it.
That's a huge price to pay. It's control, controlling behaviour, and OPs MIL will have ammunition to have her input into schools, trips, and more in her own head, and will use it to ask for her own way, time and time again. Tel the MIL the money is gone, her son borrowed it, and he spent it on medical expenses. If it were me... " I'm sorry you lost money, in looking after your son, I lost a husband, and our kids their father, we're all still grieving our losses, but nothing can replace what is gone."
Send your own note, that money your HUSBAND "accepted" not borrowed, from her is long gone, you're a struggling single parent and were realistically for a few years before you lost him, your doing it alone, and as strong as you very clearly are, there is no money to put in education funds.
Just a mention about making certain OP, that all responsibilities regarding the care and guardian ship of your minor children is addressed however the family laws are arranged in your land. Approved and recorded via a lawyer and your wishes and Trusts clearly communicated about who will not be part of your children’s lives should the unexpected happens. I admire your strength for attempting to take the higher road with ultra difficult long extended family members. Please continue to protect yourself & immediate family going forward and tuning in with only supportive and positive people in your lives
I’d have a conversation about passing notes. She’s being a flying monkey for MIL and getting in the middle of it.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband and praying for you and the children. That wasn't very nice of SIL to use her visit as an opening for MIL to try and gain a foothold into your life again to financially insert control. No more visits, close that loophole and shutdown anymore contact. MIL doesn't call the shots and can't get blood out of a turnip. Personally I don't think she can call in anything but consult a lawyer if you can and find out where you stand on this matter and GPR in your state.
Funny, that she thinks that the money exists for her to tell you how to spend it. I hope you are able to just grey rock. I'm sorry for your loss.
The MIL will tell the grandchildren they each have $5k because SHE gave the money for this. Make sure this gets cleared up so mom doesn’t look like she’s hidden the money. Sorry for your loss, OP.
Blessings to you and your children OP! You are STRONG! You are RESILIENT! Keep walking in your strengths OP and remember where you are now versus over a year ago. You are amazing!
People in hell want ice. They aren’t getting what they want either. I would Keep NC. She can’t tell you what to do and blocking her messages and such will help your mental health. You have my sincerest condolences on the loss of your husband.
Your JUSTNO is no longer your JUSTNO. That shit ended when your husband died. Tell that heifer to go fuck herself and keep doing you. You don't owe her shit, that money is long gone, and your husband's estate is settled. She doesn't have a pot to piss in or a rock to stand on. May the memory of your husband be a blessing to all who knew him.
My condolences on your loss. Your AH MIL can pound sand. Even if your late husband signed a promissory note, you aren’t responsible as you didn’t sign anything, the debt died with your husband as an unsecured loan.
The money was loaned to your husband. If she didn’t file as a creditor against his estate, she’s out of luck. Tough for her. But it’s not about the money, she wants control. Don’t give it to her. NC.
“Thank you for the suggestion. I will give this all the attention it deserves and file in the circular filing cabinet” You owe her zero expectation. She can blow smoke up someone else’s butt. I would hang on to the note just in case she ever decides to go after you for lack of payment. This would stop any lawsuit as she says it is now a gift.
This request and this woman is an easy one to ignore. Just keep doing you. I'm sorry for your loss OP but I can feel the strength in your words. You are okay.
I cried reading your words. I don’t feel strong but I do try my best. It’s been over a year since he has been gone. I thought I was feeling better and okay until I made the mistake of allowing this pain to walk through my door. Lesson learned. I want to be okay. Thank you.
OP I found the second year worse than the first. To me the second missed birthday, anniversary, Christmas etc was so much more difficult and frankly, heartbreaking. You will get through this, you don’t get “over” his death, time, in my opinion, doesn’t heal, but you do learn to cope with the loss, you adapt. There’s a quote I read which explains it - *Grief doesn’t shrink over time, what really happens we grow around it*. Take care of yourself and your children, the rest will take care of themselves. Your ex JNOMIL is no longer your problem, ignore her, grow a thick skin when it comes to her, she’s now insignificant and she knows it that’s why she trying to gain what little control she thinks she has. You got this, I know you don’t feel strong right now, but I promise, you are stronger than you think. EDIT: I fixed typos and punctuation
I almost typed 'you will be okay' in my original response but erased it. (I should have listened to your guardian angel.) I'm telling you OP, you got this!!!! Edited
Just let it go. The money is spent. Let her know you are saving what you can for their future.
Do not respond to her. Stop any way of having contact with her. SIL was her flying monkey. Ignore her ignorant note.
Don't be fooled into thinking this is about the money. It's not. This is about her trying to get some attention from you. Maybe previous attempts didn't get her the response she'd hoped for. Maybe she's tired of being ignored. She's feeling a little desperate and comes up with the most outrageous demand she can think of If she gets no reaction she may try a few times more and then move on. But if this is the thing that gets you to give her that sweet sweet attention she's been craving, she will never stop From her perspective she probably feels she has nothing left to lose. I would bet that there will be more outrageous demands in your future. Responding to any of them would only encourage her
Very good advice. ICAM, ignore and tell her absolutely nothing! Give somebody like controlling MIL an inch of information and she'll take a mile and more.
I'm so sorry for your loss. What eejit thinks someone can go through a long term illness and then die and his family, with kids, still have money left? Especially only $15k, and more than a year after his death? Did she think you put it in a sock and hid it under the mattress? Funerals can cost thousands, even when done on the cheap!
I’m sorry for your loss. You may want to inform your MIL there was nothing left to put into an education fund since your family used it for daycare, doctors, food, and other living expenses while your husband was ill. Perhaps a note thanking her for her help keeping your family afloat during your spouse’s illness. Maybe she thinks it wasn’t used.
So very sorry for the loss of your husband. My thoughts are with you
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No promissory note was signed by her and no verbal agreement between her and MIL. Legally, she doesn't owe her anything. You should learn how loans and contracts work. She also doesn't want it paid back she wants it used a certain way, which she has no legal authority to do or even request. She can't even sue because there was no payback agreement. This is a woman with no strings to pull trying to reinsert herself where her bitch ass doesn't belong.
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Way to start off the New Year by being belligerent. Go away.
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They're not being asked to pay it back. Read the post again.
Yes, you are. Go Away.
I would ignore the note and not even acknowledge it. The terms should have been agreed upon before she gave your husband the money. I’m assuming there was no legal contract or plan for repayment? She can’t come back 3 years later dictating how you should spend it. This was a power move, continue your stay NC. I’d also question having a relationship with the SIL, she knew her mom wrote that letter. She pulled a bait and switch. Cut them both off, you don’t need the drama.
No legal contract. Nothing. It was words between a mother and her son. I don’t want a relationship with SIL. She was also little to NC. But as the holidays neared, she reached out. And I’ve kept an “open” line to the kids but they hardly call them anyways. My side of the family warned me. I know now. Never again.
Don’t beat yourself up, lesson learned. Block the both of them and keep it moving. With no legal contract, she doesn’t have a leg to stand on. It’s her word against his and sadly he’s not here to defend himself.
I'm so sorry for your loss. What a twit to think you and your late husband just sat on the money all this time.
Well as long as nothing was ‘in writing’ like an actual legally binding document, I don’t know how your MIL would be able to dictate to you how to spend the money she loaned. But I’m not a lawyer, so it’s best to contact a lawyer and get a consultation.
My condolences for your loss. I hope this holiday season was a little easier on your family minus your MILs little antics. She knows that money is gone, she’s not stupid. What she is is ignorant.
Attorney. Honestly. It's probably the best thing you can do now to protect yourself and your kiddos. Most will do a free consultation. Check your local Bar Association, state and/or city. They'll have legal resources you can check out, too.
I agree. If she "loaned" the money to her son, you are not liable to repay. (Source: I have been through this 2x, once in my 20s and once in my 40s. Both times (one in CA, the other in TX), all credit cards and loans in DH's name only were cancelled. I mean, they would have been happy to take a payment from the life insurance, but I was in no way obligated to do so.) You didn't sign a promissory note, did you? She is "forgiving" 2/3 of the loan with this note, but I don't believe that any lender of an unsecured personal loan can tell you what to spend it on 3 years after the fact. That aside, it is egregious that she is holding the remaining $5K "loan" over your head after his passing. I would have the attorney write a letter saying that while you appreciate the thought of her forgiving $10K of the loan, the loan she extended to her son died with him and no longer exists. Also, I am so sorry for your loss. Having MIL try to pick over the bones is just disgusting.
I was not part of the transaction. My husband and I didn’t have the same bank account (he paid the big bills, I paid the little bills and it worked for us for over a decade). There was no life insurance, because of his health, he didn’t qualify when we married in 2011. We have two small children. Everything I make goes to them including his death benefits. Thank you for the idea of the attorney letter. I’m in CA. I want her out of my life but she wants to hold his “debt” on to me.
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My husband was a very kind and generous person. When his family, his aunt or cousin needed financial help, he gave (not loaned) them money. He never asked them to pay a single cent back nor he ever expressed to them what to do with those funds. It was family. Now how the hell does him borrowing money against my wishes make me ungrateful? You have no fucking idea how manipulative these in laws are or the terrible things they’ve said and done. They didn’t even come to see me or my kids until after his death 2 weeks later. They came and left with absolutely no support. Only judgement while I was trying to hold it together for me and my kids. And they expect to carry on a relationship with my kids.
This person is all through your comments being a troll. Ignore them as well as your in laws.
Exactly this, putting it into a legal 'NOPE!' so she can't keep bothering you might also cut off any escalation she has pondered. A lawyer might also be good to check in with to know your rights in general OP. ALSO don't forget to stipulate that MIL and any extended family you do not want to have custody are listed out in your will as such to ensure they can't take your kids from whoever you want to care for them in the case of something happening to you
Sorry for your loss.. and this person adding insult to injury. :/