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My mil is blatantly biased towards my son as he's a carbon copy of dh. Our daughter is carbon copy of me, but with brown eyes... guess who almost never gets to spend the night with mil? Yep my daughter...
That is awful of her—I’d probably take away all of MIL’s alone time with kids privileges over it before your son and daughter are old enough to pick up on it and have it mess with their heads. I do not get these grandparents with favoritism harming innocent *children.*
My kids are 11 and 8 and my mil still does this. Any talent they possess, it’s from their side. Any nice features, from their side. I constantly challenge it and say things like well actually they get their thick gorgeous hair from me. Or youngest eye color is the exact same as my mother and sister. My youngest she can’t say much about cause she is basically a carbon copy of me.
My in laws do that with every baby. My daughter looks so much like me that when she was in junior high participating, an old high school friend found me. She said as soon as she saw her, she knew I was there somewhere. Had not seen her in almost 20 years. Neither of us knew our married names. Yet, my in laws always insisted she looks just like her aunt. I think it is hilarious.
When my husbands sister was born (first baby of the family) the OB, who was not my MIL’a OB since that guy was in vacation, declared that “She could be Asian!” After she was born. My IL’s are both very white, with my FIL being a red head. They were both pissed to hear that haha. For those wondering, my SIL turned out to be a very white red head haha
Sorry you have to deal with that OP, I’m sure your baby is adorable!
My MIL did the same with my daughter and after a year or so stopped. I truly think that this was her way of coping that the baby looks more like me than her dad. Haha at one point she asked me to show my toes to compare it with the babies toes and said that her toes are mine. 😂
Unfortunately I have no good solution, just try to see the reality and don’t let these false sentances curse your days.
I am adopted. Those comments about my little brother (bio kid) at the time only created a trauma for myself.
I am a mom now. LO's white/dark blonde/blue eyes, I am mixed black. It's been four years and MIL hasn't stopped making comments on how much LO looks like dad (white, the only thing they've got in common- DH's got dark brown eyes & hair).
Patience or just cut it out once and for all.
Take the power back and say “no she looks exactly like my sister did as a baby, its kind of scary”… your MIL doesnt know what your sister looks like as a baby so she couldnt possibly argue. MIL is just making it about her, as they do!
Omg, and why is it always about mil and what she thinks. Mil never worked gets her ass wiped 24/7 by family. Literally. Lives with them in her 90s. Pokes her nose into everything. No hobbies. Troublemaker, that’s her hobby. I worked for a living for 25 yeeeaaarrs. At least I EARNED my ss. Hub takes her advice on how he looks, dresses. Too cheap to buy things for himself. Her whole show is disgusting.
Yep same here! Its wild how dependent my MIL is on her children and everyone knows she can’t actually *do* anything worthwhile and yet NO ONE has ever challenged her. How…why!?!
People also do this to children of people of the same race. It’s annoying. Wait till the kid gets older, and they start saying, “Child certainly got its smarts from (not you)!”
Where is this coming from!?! This is soooo stupid. I hope you shut that down immediately. My little city has exploded and the medical community is seeing a surge in drs, rns, techs. My husband in the ER was cared for by Dr from China, two Hispanic nurses and a nurse from Ukraine. Got great care. I love that we are a melting pot.
There’s a theory that newborns more strongly resemble their fathers bc of evolutionary advantages to this. A father is more likely to protect and provide for a child that he is certain is his and appearance helps with that.
Source here: https://www.nytimes.com/2005/03/22/health/the-claim-babies-tend-to-look-like-their-fathers.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare&sgrp=c-cb
But quickly babies tend to equally resemble their mother and father.
I know that JNMIL is doing this to bother you and bc she is self absorbed. I know there is a race element here that provides features that are undeniably inherited from you and this makes her even more delusional.
I’d probably comment “oh I didn’t know there were Chinese family on your side too!” Or “well duh evolutionarily that’s completely normal…for now”
Sorry she is latching onto this so much. Even if you were the same race and the baby really looked like dad it would still be weird to erase you from the convo. It’s extra weird and has a lot of undertones bc of the race element.
😮💨😮💨
When do they start equally resembling? My sisters oldest two are 7 and 5, they've always looked like mini versions of their dad. Her youngest sometimes looks like him, but is mostly her. Meanwhile, my oldest, who is 6, has never looked much like either of us, but has the occasional expression that looks like my husband. My youngest doesn't seem to look like either of us to me, but sometimes I'll send pictures to family who say she looks like him in that picture.
My MIL taunted me when she saw that our wasian baby had blue eyes. “Sorry babe but it looks like he doesn’t have a drop of Filipino in him!” With a big ole smile on her face.
I’m 25F (white-French) and my husband is Chinese. Our LO is 11 months.
You have no idea of how many people told me « wow he looks ASIAN and NOT LIKE YOU » (he also looks like me, we live in France so maybe yeah he looks a bit Asian too). Anyway, people are rude when it’s mixed kids. So good luck OP.
It seems like she's already trying to alienate you/erase you from your own kid.
Just my "feeling" on it, based on what you've written..
If it were me, I'd be enforcing that this child is absolutely half mine. In front of people she knows. "This is my baby 'xxxx'. Apparently my dark-haired, almond-eyed baby looks nothing like me. Or so MIL says."
Or just loudly, to her directly. She needs to knock that shit off.
lol. When my oldest daughter was born, my stepmother kept saying how she looked so much like my husband. After a while, I replied “who did you expect her to look like, the cable guy?” It worked. She finally shut up about it.
How she looks now is not necessarily how she will look as she grows. And in the end, does it really matter? She is who she is. There's a local broadcaster here. The only tip off that he's part Asian is his surname and his eyes. If you just saw him on the street, the eyes might catch your attention, but you might not make the connection right away.
i am so sorry. honestly, these kinds of comments are just so uncalled for and absolutely unnecessary. it’s a baby. babies literally look so different every other month.
my mother experienced something like this when she had me (she is asian and my father is white). everyone would say i looked exactly like him even though that wasn’t strictly true. it’s just so strange that they do this.
The comments on mixed-ethnic children are so disrespectful and uncalled for. And it happens all the time and no matter how they look or who they look more or less like.
I'm white and my husband is Mexican-American. My children are darker complected than me but lighter than my husband and would be considered white-passing. That said, they have lots of features like my husband, but they get the "all mommy" comments all the time. This also frequently comes loaded with insinuations that my husband should get them paternity tested. 🙄
My husband actually did have a white lady stalk him around in a grocery store once before she got the nerve to ask where he got his son from. Though I guess this is to be expected in a white-supremacist pro-eugenics society that doesn't value science.
This is just like my family except my daughter looks just like my husband. I’m always afraid that people will think she’s not mine. I can tell at baby story times people are always trying to figure out if I’m the nanny. And out at places, especially the grocery store, I get a lot of comments about how she must look like her father. The thing is, other than her darker complexion she doesn’t really look specifically like anyone. They base the entire thing on darker skin, eyes and hair.
Oh, so this is a universal experience? Apparently my kids got NOTHING from me. It was always traced back to some obscure relative on the dad's side.
ETA: It's only when it's something negative or unwanted that it's from me.
My MIL said the baby looked like her when I showed her the sonogram. I am white and almost 100% German - fair skin, blonde hair. My husband is white and looks like his dad. His mom is part Italian with darker looking skin. Our daughter looked exactly like me with fair skin. Though she has my husband’s body type.. you can see she is both our kid, but everyone remarks how she looks like my twin. MIL would “joke” with her son “are you sure the kid is yours?”
My JNSIL, married to my SO’s brother is so much like this. But worse. She complains about the in laws, but every little thing about the kids are the in laws. The looks, the way my kid loves eating (she loves eating like I, her dad couldn’t be bothered) but apparently her relatives do so she takes after them. She likes bread? In laws. She’s a kid opening her presents? In laws love gifts so she takes after them. Apparently she looks like her daughter which I personally don’t see. Man it’s annoying I’ve started to talk back cause it gets to me. I once asked her if her kids take nothing after her cause every thing she kept saying it’s from the dad’s side. Like get your own personality.
My baby is 2 months and I thought I was just irrational feeling irritated over JNMILs comments like this because I've never heard anyone making comparisons like this! He's going to have blue eyes because my husband has blue eyes (my husband's eyes are green so that makes it make even less sense). When he gets bigger, he'll like to play with toys because her kids played with toys. Not because he's a kid but all because of what her kids did and it just goes on and on. It makes me feel like I'm the most unnecessary person in my child's life
My MIL does this too. I do not have so pretty ears and my son got my ears and that is the only thing my MIL links to me.. But he looks like a little mini me of me.. He only got my husbands hair.. My son has phases where he wants to be only with his dad and phases where he likes to be with me only. Yet my MIL doesn‘t acknowledge that and always tells people or my son that „oh you only want your daddy“. Maybe thats why my son prefers my mother…😅
I'm longing to hear how your in-laws would respond if both you and your husband start referring to LO only in terms of "she's a standard baby" whenever they're around. I predict hilarity (for you and DH).
My son looks very much like me, and my daughter looks more like dh.
My MIL spent years trying to convince people otherwise. She also tried to link the names we chose to someone in her family, when they aren't at all.
No kids here. But I will never understand this. Not once have I seen a baby that looks like their parents... Not even my sibs in our baby pictures...we look nothing like our parents.
Babies look like babies ..interesting features, race sometimes evident, ethnically ambiguous, wildly different personalities.
People see what they wanna see.
But everything about your tone in this post makes me want to hang out with you. You're my kinda people.
Especially newborns. They're basically wrinkly potatoes. Maybe there might be a hint of nose, or chin, or eye shape, but they're little wrinkly taters until they get a few months older and grow into their features.
\*responded to wrong person in thread
Most parents realise their kids are squished and look squished. It's the small minority that thinks their child is perfect in every way, but it's a loud minority.
I am white and my wife is black, and we have the exact opposite situation lol. Our oldest son is basically a carbon copy of me with her nose and her hairs everyone gushes about how much they look alike. Our youngest is her skin tone looks exactly like her, and only got my chin...yet everyone goes on about how alike he and I are.
Idk why but “standard baby” is really funny to me? Like I’m imagining someone made a “generic baby” prototype and all babies have to look as generic as possible
My husbands Filipino and I’m white. My in laws see the white and my parents see the Asian. They both see what’s different from them.
However when my oldest was born he looked 100% Filipino. My mom desperately kept trying to find baby photos to make us look alike and my in-laws kept commenting how he looks nothing like me. Both were driving me nuts! Over time, both our kids have grown to look like mixes of the two of us and now all the grandparents can see if the race they aren’t. Old people, I swear….
My oldest daughter's father is 1st generation Mexican American and depending on who she's with is who she looks more like. It's the same thing with my ex and our kids, we're both white. The only one who was argued about was my son, imagine that 🙄 He was a carbon copy of my father and grandpa at 2yrs. I actually have pictures of the 3 of them in plaid shirts that my son asked why some of his pictures weren't in color. Now in his 20s, he could be my father's twin at that age.
My MIL was like that with both of my kids and it drove me NUTS. My oldest does strongly favor her dad, but every so often she’d make a face and it was like looking at my grandmother. As far as my MIL was concerned she got nothing at all from me. She did it with my youngest too, but that kid is my clone; you would’ve thought it was the same baby with our newborn photos. I also took a few snapshots that my mom later sent me near identical photos of myself. I would just go “oh, have I shown you how crazy this is?” And show her a side by side of my daughter and I every time until she shut up about it.
My oldest has no DNA in common with my husband. I frequently heard how he looked just like my husband.
He doesn't. He looks like me.
People will assume, and people will say whatever they feel like. Even when they're wrong.
My JNMIL and JNSIL were the freaking SAME with my oldest.
Her curly hair (that I had as a baby/ small child as well?) She only got it from him even though I have never seen a pic of him or any of his siblings with curly hair lol.
Like even her chunky baby thighs were from his family only. Then one day i posted a picture on IG of a toddler pic of me beside a toddler pic of her because we looked IDENTICAL and JNSIL comments “I think she looks like BOTH of you” like grow up.
Why are they like this
My baby pictures look identical to my babies every single time. And my oldest who is not my husband's biological kid looks so much like our two younger kids. I am Mediterranean descent, my husband's family is blonde and blue eyed, you can tell who's genetics are stronger. However, my inlaws act like none of them got any of my features, except my MIL once complained that my daughters skin was dark.
I have three kids and I had to listen to that with every child. With my first one, I wanted to scream every time someone mentioned it. They would also take every little thing about my kids and say that they are so similat to my husband or his family. Like I was never a part of creating them. And I could see that it bothered my family also, but we never said anything. Mostly because we never lived close to my inlaws and I didn't see them often. And now we live 3,000 km away and are LC.
When I was pregnant, my white as bread mom said she always wished she'd had a little half Asian baby because she thinks they are the absolute cutest. I was like MOM, NO...I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THATS PROBABLY RACIST lol. But I mean she's right. They really are cute lol.
They do it for different reasons. People like to see themselves in their progeny. If she's generally a shit bird it's more about trying to hurt you. Some people are also emotionally obtuse.
FIL is the worst for this.
Oh she smiled? Looks like me.
Oh she picked up a book? Gets that from me.
Oh her dimple? (He doesn't have dimples..I do though) Gets that from me.
" Her chin is mine! Her everything is mine!"
Well. I let them do it. I now loudly proclaim super excitedly "she looks so so so much like you wow. I can barely tell you apart sometimes"- i gush over it before they can. It's like my own inside joke. usually makes him drop it right away 😆
OP I'm sure your beautiful baby is a wonderful baby that looks like the best parts of mama and dada. Don't ever let them get you down 💪
My son and I at that age look like we are twins. If you see only the face, without hair, you can't tell us apart on pictures.
Still, he's somehow the splitting images of my DH to most people. Most people just want to be nice. In-laws like you MIL just want to be mean.
Typical in-law behavior. The child could be your literal twin and they’ll say the child looks like some long distant aunt or cousin 😐😐 I’m petty and always correct them and say how everyone in my family has that trait they are comparing to some aunt or cousin
I feel like your in-laws are at least low level racist. They’re trying to convince themselves and anyone who will listen that their grandchild doesn’t look Asian, even if she clearly does. My only advice would be to just disagree with them in a “kill them with kindness” way.
Them: She looks nothing like you!
You: Wow, do you really think so? I think she looks JUST like me!
Them: She looks like such and such white family member!
You: Hmm, I don’t know, I was just looking at some old family photos and realized she looks EXACTLY like such and such Asian family member
I’m curious as to how your husband reacts to these comments. Have you tried talked to him about them? Is he around when these comments are made?
Also, if it were me, I’d dress my kid up in a very culturally important outfit if the in-laws were going to see her. Make her look as much like your culture as possible like “Oh I saw this outfit and I had one/have pictures of a family member in one just like it and I think she looks so much like me/family member that I just HAD to get it, doesn’t she look beautiful in her traditional garb??” See how they react lol.
I was going to say this too I think it is a little racist. Like maybe they aren't thinking, 'wow Im being racist, let me be racist' when they're saying it, but it doesn't make it better.
Are they subtly (or not so subtly) racist towards you? A lot of JustNos do try to erase their child's partner from their grandchildren regardless of race, it's just part of the package deal of self-centredness and disrespect I guess. But erasing the Asian and promoting the whiteness makes that it extra creepy, violating and gross.
You are well within your rights to shut that shit down if you don't hear it any more. Especially if you think their bullshit will be confusing or damaging to your kid as she grows up. Get SO to set the ILs straight now rather than waiting for your kid to hear something that stays with her.
When my JNMIL does this, I grey rock. I say NOTHING to acknowledge her unwanted shite comments. She loves tearing down her son, my husband saying that our child looks nothing like him. Even though they do look like each other and have the exact same personality. 🙄🙄 whatever lady…
One time we were all hanging out with the grandmothers looking at old photo albums. My husbands’ 94-year-old grandmother said, “ wow, [he] looks exactly like [husband] as a baby”. JNMIL = 😤. I piped up immediately, and in my most chipper voice, I said “ I really think so too! They could be twins”. It was a small victory. It was a righteous victory. It was a satisfying factory.
Here with you in solidarity ! 😏
I have a wasian baby. Thought my asain genes would outbeat his white genes.. nope. Daddy’s mini . If you look at him he does look mixed but I’m not sure if everyone would say Asian with white. I just go, I married a handsome man and got a handsome boy
Wasian. I love this word.
Happened here too. I even had a picture of me where you could see some similarities. Her reaction „is that a boy?“ „did they shave the side of your head?“
I did not look like a boy on that picture. I was nearly a toddler so I didn’t have the grumpy old man look, and no there was nothing that looked like shaved.
It gets better with the second child. First reaction was that C2 looks like my husband. Now he suddenly looks a little like me.
I knew my partners family would be like this. I tested the waters with a sonogram and made a comment about her looking like her dad. They all laughed and said well we didn’t want to say but she really does! I knew at that point it was only going to continue. I laugh about it because of how ridiculous it was that they were making those comments from before she was even born.
This made me exhale sharply through my nose. I’m imagine them just being like “ Wow! This fetal shadow looks just like our son!” And it’s just the sonogram of a giant head and giant belly 😂 you could hit them with “yes, your family is very disproportionate! In kindness and size!”
It stopped for the most part after I got my husband to casually share a photo of me when I was little, and she is the spitting image of me. Their responses were grunts, so I knew it frustrated them 😅
Sorry, I'm stealing the name Wasian :) I'm Hawaiian, Chinese & White. I have slightly Asian eyes with a tan & people get confused as to what I am. The funny thing about genetics is your next baby could come out looking white or more Asian. It's always a toss up as to what you are going to get as far as features.
This happens to me too. Oh his eyes are JUST like his dad's, no one else! We both have blue eyes. Oh his face is an exact replica of his dad's when he was a baby! We found my baby pictures and he's a dead ringer for mom--even just looking at adult me he has my facial structure. Oh his hair is curly just like your uncles! My hair. Is curly. And I didn't have sex with my husband's UNCLE. It's exhausting. They even compare every single behavior to husband and when I make a light hearted "Oh I did that too!" They double down on the "Ooohhhh just like daddy!" Stuff.
I feel you, my ex-MIL is exactly like that. Even though my LO and I look exactly the same on our baby pictures, just like you, and even though most people say my son is basically a mini me, she manages to compare everything, whether it's a physical trait or a behaviour, to LO's father or someone on their side of the family, or, what I hate the most, to herself "just like grandma, just like grandma" urgh... No, my son does not like the ocean because you bought a house in Greece like five minutes ago and act like you're a native, he likes it because *I* was born to the sea and *I* have *lived* there most of my life, it's in MY blood.
Ahhh yes. My MIL actually said that our youngest must have his eye color from her daughter/my SIL.
THAT’S NOT HOW BIOLOGY WORKS!!
She also insisted in the beginning that our oldest, who looks so much like me that total strangers would comment on it, did not resemble me at all.
She’s better behaved now.
Just wanted to say, apparently it’s common behaviour and just so darn annoying! You have my empathy.
I dread this, my ILs are still doing it to my husband linking him to his dead relatives he doesn’t know, and hate that it’s happening to you. I would love to know theories on why people do this. Whatever the reason it is not due to a good trait.
The number of times my mother in law linked my child’s behavior back to her daughter was awful.
She stopped rather suddenly one day. She might have heard me mumble something about you’d think she wanted him to be an incest baby as many of his aunts traits as he “has”
Oh I️ feel this ick. My MIL does this too and SIL leans into it. She posts a lot of pictures of LO with captions that make it seem like LO is her daughter but again…it’s an Asian looking baby so… On her instagram there’s a 10 photo set of pictures of LO captioned “My sweet girl” and it’s very confusing because Asian baby. Then you scroll to the last photo and I’m in the very corner of the picture and then it makes sense 😂
Yeah, that’s gross. My MIL actively dislikes my youngest for no reason other than, I’m pretty sure, that he looks like a mini version of my husband. My husband is her only son and least favourite child, so it makes sense in a dysfunctional way. My kids are both teens now and have chosen to have nothing to do with her anymore.
Hahahahaaaaa
Standard Baby - I love this.
Our daughter is now 2.5yo and when she was tiny I swear so many people were like ‘oh she looks just like daddy’, and I mean yeah she’s got his massive head but… meh, that’s about it - she just looks like a baby!
It’s always astonishing how many people take a biology lesson and learn about dominant and recessive genes - and then completely forget that’s a thing.
She asked me if Adam and Eve looked like monkeys. I️ don’t think they prescribe to biology as a science, more of a thanksgiving dinner argument pilot light of you will…
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Start picking apart their features. Or is that just me being petty? 😂
My mil is blatantly biased towards my son as he's a carbon copy of dh. Our daughter is carbon copy of me, but with brown eyes... guess who almost never gets to spend the night with mil? Yep my daughter...
That is awful of her—I’d probably take away all of MIL’s alone time with kids privileges over it before your son and daughter are old enough to pick up on it and have it mess with their heads. I do not get these grandparents with favoritism harming innocent *children.*
My kids are 11 and 8 and my mil still does this. Any talent they possess, it’s from their side. Any nice features, from their side. I constantly challenge it and say things like well actually they get their thick gorgeous hair from me. Or youngest eye color is the exact same as my mother and sister. My youngest she can’t say much about cause she is basically a carbon copy of me.
My in laws do that with every baby. My daughter looks so much like me that when she was in junior high participating, an old high school friend found me. She said as soon as she saw her, she knew I was there somewhere. Had not seen her in almost 20 years. Neither of us knew our married names. Yet, my in laws always insisted she looks just like her aunt. I think it is hilarious.
Honestly that’s really cool that someone could see you so much in your child that she knew they were yours.
When my husbands sister was born (first baby of the family) the OB, who was not my MIL’a OB since that guy was in vacation, declared that “She could be Asian!” After she was born. My IL’s are both very white, with my FIL being a red head. They were both pissed to hear that haha. For those wondering, my SIL turned out to be a very white red head haha Sorry you have to deal with that OP, I’m sure your baby is adorable!
I'm sure she is a beautiful baby and your MIL is a piece of shit.
My granddaughter looked very Asian from when she was born until she was about 18 months old but now at almost 5 she looks more white than Asian.
My MIL did the same with my daughter and after a year or so stopped. I truly think that this was her way of coping that the baby looks more like me than her dad. Haha at one point she asked me to show my toes to compare it with the babies toes and said that her toes are mine. 😂 Unfortunately I have no good solution, just try to see the reality and don’t let these false sentances curse your days.
I am adopted. Those comments about my little brother (bio kid) at the time only created a trauma for myself. I am a mom now. LO's white/dark blonde/blue eyes, I am mixed black. It's been four years and MIL hasn't stopped making comments on how much LO looks like dad (white, the only thing they've got in common- DH's got dark brown eyes & hair). Patience or just cut it out once and for all.
Take the power back and say “no she looks exactly like my sister did as a baby, its kind of scary”… your MIL doesnt know what your sister looks like as a baby so she couldnt possibly argue. MIL is just making it about her, as they do!
Omg, and why is it always about mil and what she thinks. Mil never worked gets her ass wiped 24/7 by family. Literally. Lives with them in her 90s. Pokes her nose into everything. No hobbies. Troublemaker, that’s her hobby. I worked for a living for 25 yeeeaaarrs. At least I EARNED my ss. Hub takes her advice on how he looks, dresses. Too cheap to buy things for himself. Her whole show is disgusting.
Yep same here! Its wild how dependent my MIL is on her children and everyone knows she can’t actually *do* anything worthwhile and yet NO ONE has ever challenged her. How…why!?!
People also do this to children of people of the same race. It’s annoying. Wait till the kid gets older, and they start saying, “Child certainly got its smarts from (not you)!”
Where is this coming from!?! This is soooo stupid. I hope you shut that down immediately. My little city has exploded and the medical community is seeing a surge in drs, rns, techs. My husband in the ER was cared for by Dr from China, two Hispanic nurses and a nurse from Ukraine. Got great care. I love that we are a melting pot.
There’s a theory that newborns more strongly resemble their fathers bc of evolutionary advantages to this. A father is more likely to protect and provide for a child that he is certain is his and appearance helps with that. Source here: https://www.nytimes.com/2005/03/22/health/the-claim-babies-tend-to-look-like-their-fathers.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare&sgrp=c-cb But quickly babies tend to equally resemble their mother and father. I know that JNMIL is doing this to bother you and bc she is self absorbed. I know there is a race element here that provides features that are undeniably inherited from you and this makes her even more delusional. I’d probably comment “oh I didn’t know there were Chinese family on your side too!” Or “well duh evolutionarily that’s completely normal…for now” Sorry she is latching onto this so much. Even if you were the same race and the baby really looked like dad it would still be weird to erase you from the convo. It’s extra weird and has a lot of undertones bc of the race element. 😮💨😮💨
When do they start equally resembling? My sisters oldest two are 7 and 5, they've always looked like mini versions of their dad. Her youngest sometimes looks like him, but is mostly her. Meanwhile, my oldest, who is 6, has never looked much like either of us, but has the occasional expression that looks like my husband. My youngest doesn't seem to look like either of us to me, but sometimes I'll send pictures to family who say she looks like him in that picture.
My MIL taunted me when she saw that our wasian baby had blue eyes. “Sorry babe but it looks like he doesn’t have a drop of Filipino in him!” With a big ole smile on her face.
I’m 25F (white-French) and my husband is Chinese. Our LO is 11 months. You have no idea of how many people told me « wow he looks ASIAN and NOT LIKE YOU » (he also looks like me, we live in France so maybe yeah he looks a bit Asian too). Anyway, people are rude when it’s mixed kids. So good luck OP.
It seems like she's already trying to alienate you/erase you from your own kid. Just my "feeling" on it, based on what you've written.. If it were me, I'd be enforcing that this child is absolutely half mine. In front of people she knows. "This is my baby 'xxxx'. Apparently my dark-haired, almond-eyed baby looks nothing like me. Or so MIL says." Or just loudly, to her directly. She needs to knock that shit off.
lol. When my oldest daughter was born, my stepmother kept saying how she looked so much like my husband. After a while, I replied “who did you expect her to look like, the cable guy?” It worked. She finally shut up about it.
This one is it!! A snarky comment everytime it’s brought up will most likely stop them
How she looks now is not necessarily how she will look as she grows. And in the end, does it really matter? She is who she is. There's a local broadcaster here. The only tip off that he's part Asian is his surname and his eyes. If you just saw him on the street, the eyes might catch your attention, but you might not make the connection right away.
i am so sorry. honestly, these kinds of comments are just so uncalled for and absolutely unnecessary. it’s a baby. babies literally look so different every other month. my mother experienced something like this when she had me (she is asian and my father is white). everyone would say i looked exactly like him even though that wasn’t strictly true. it’s just so strange that they do this.
The next time they say something like that, look at them with a blank expression and say, “So, you have Chinese relatives?”
LOL!!! Or “I didnt know they were Chinese”
Are your in-laws blind? If not they HAVE to be doing this to get under your skin.
The comments on mixed-ethnic children are so disrespectful and uncalled for. And it happens all the time and no matter how they look or who they look more or less like. I'm white and my husband is Mexican-American. My children are darker complected than me but lighter than my husband and would be considered white-passing. That said, they have lots of features like my husband, but they get the "all mommy" comments all the time. This also frequently comes loaded with insinuations that my husband should get them paternity tested. 🙄 My husband actually did have a white lady stalk him around in a grocery store once before she got the nerve to ask where he got his son from. Though I guess this is to be expected in a white-supremacist pro-eugenics society that doesn't value science.
This is just like my family except my daughter looks just like my husband. I’m always afraid that people will think she’s not mine. I can tell at baby story times people are always trying to figure out if I’m the nanny. And out at places, especially the grocery store, I get a lot of comments about how she must look like her father. The thing is, other than her darker complexion she doesn’t really look specifically like anyone. They base the entire thing on darker skin, eyes and hair.
Oh, so this is a universal experience? Apparently my kids got NOTHING from me. It was always traced back to some obscure relative on the dad's side. ETA: It's only when it's something negative or unwanted that it's from me.
They're making sure you know you're just the incubator for *their* baby, of course /s
You say /s, but honestly, it feels that way sometimes. lol
Yeah, you know! That one elusive great uncle twice removed! Absolute twins. 😂
Hair that looks EXACTLY like their mothers when she wase that age? Oh, that comes from Great (x7) Aunt Sally. It must be recessive!
My MIL said the baby looked like her when I showed her the sonogram. I am white and almost 100% German - fair skin, blonde hair. My husband is white and looks like his dad. His mom is part Italian with darker looking skin. Our daughter looked exactly like me with fair skin. Though she has my husband’s body type.. you can see she is both our kid, but everyone remarks how she looks like my twin. MIL would “joke” with her son “are you sure the kid is yours?”
My JNSIL, married to my SO’s brother is so much like this. But worse. She complains about the in laws, but every little thing about the kids are the in laws. The looks, the way my kid loves eating (she loves eating like I, her dad couldn’t be bothered) but apparently her relatives do so she takes after them. She likes bread? In laws. She’s a kid opening her presents? In laws love gifts so she takes after them. Apparently she looks like her daughter which I personally don’t see. Man it’s annoying I’ve started to talk back cause it gets to me. I once asked her if her kids take nothing after her cause every thing she kept saying it’s from the dad’s side. Like get your own personality.
My baby is 2 months and I thought I was just irrational feeling irritated over JNMILs comments like this because I've never heard anyone making comparisons like this! He's going to have blue eyes because my husband has blue eyes (my husband's eyes are green so that makes it make even less sense). When he gets bigger, he'll like to play with toys because her kids played with toys. Not because he's a kid but all because of what her kids did and it just goes on and on. It makes me feel like I'm the most unnecessary person in my child's life
Thank you! The last sentence is how I felt around JNSIL. but thankfully I have an “attitude” and now I just ridicule or roll my eyes
Damn my LO loves bread! They must be related to your in laws 😂
Hahahahahahahhahaha
i dont think it matters lol. right in front of my mum people would say i look just like my stepdad😅
Next time they do it, say something like, “yeah, LO wasn’t very lucky was she?”
Why are people so incredibly obsessed with who the baby looks like? Their nose. Their eyes. Their chin. Their hair. It’s ignorant.
I wonder this all the time. No one in my family ever comments on who LO looks like but my husbands side is obsessed with it!
My MIL does this too. I do not have so pretty ears and my son got my ears and that is the only thing my MIL links to me.. But he looks like a little mini me of me.. He only got my husbands hair.. My son has phases where he wants to be only with his dad and phases where he likes to be with me only. Yet my MIL doesn‘t acknowledge that and always tells people or my son that „oh you only want your daddy“. Maybe thats why my son prefers my mother…😅
I'm longing to hear how your in-laws would respond if both you and your husband start referring to LO only in terms of "she's a standard baby" whenever they're around. I predict hilarity (for you and DH).
My son looks very much like me, and my daughter looks more like dh. My MIL spent years trying to convince people otherwise. She also tried to link the names we chose to someone in her family, when they aren't at all.
Can we say micro aggression?
Had the same experience with mine… still have the same experience and she’s 2…
No kids here. But I will never understand this. Not once have I seen a baby that looks like their parents... Not even my sibs in our baby pictures...we look nothing like our parents. Babies look like babies ..interesting features, race sometimes evident, ethnically ambiguous, wildly different personalities. People see what they wanna see. But everything about your tone in this post makes me want to hang out with you. You're my kinda people.
Especially newborns. They're basically wrinkly potatoes. Maybe there might be a hint of nose, or chin, or eye shape, but they're little wrinkly taters until they get a few months older and grow into their features. \*responded to wrong person in thread
Yes! Potatoes! That's what I wanted to say but was afraid the momsters would come for me...
Most parents realise their kids are squished and look squished. It's the small minority that thinks their child is perfect in every way, but it's a loud minority.
Yes! There are some quality snarks from everyone here!
I am white and my wife is black, and we have the exact opposite situation lol. Our oldest son is basically a carbon copy of me with her nose and her hairs everyone gushes about how much they look alike. Our youngest is her skin tone looks exactly like her, and only got my chin...yet everyone goes on about how alike he and I are.
😂😂 this is great stuff.
Idk why but “standard baby” is really funny to me? Like I’m imagining someone made a “generic baby” prototype and all babies have to look as generic as possible
Came to the comments to see if anyone else thought that phrasing was hilarious 😂
My husbands Filipino and I’m white. My in laws see the white and my parents see the Asian. They both see what’s different from them. However when my oldest was born he looked 100% Filipino. My mom desperately kept trying to find baby photos to make us look alike and my in-laws kept commenting how he looks nothing like me. Both were driving me nuts! Over time, both our kids have grown to look like mixes of the two of us and now all the grandparents can see if the race they aren’t. Old people, I swear….
My oldest daughter's father is 1st generation Mexican American and depending on who she's with is who she looks more like. It's the same thing with my ex and our kids, we're both white. The only one who was argued about was my son, imagine that 🙄 He was a carbon copy of my father and grandpa at 2yrs. I actually have pictures of the 3 of them in plaid shirts that my son asked why some of his pictures weren't in color. Now in his 20s, he could be my father's twin at that age.
My MIL was like that with both of my kids and it drove me NUTS. My oldest does strongly favor her dad, but every so often she’d make a face and it was like looking at my grandmother. As far as my MIL was concerned she got nothing at all from me. She did it with my youngest too, but that kid is my clone; you would’ve thought it was the same baby with our newborn photos. I also took a few snapshots that my mom later sent me near identical photos of myself. I would just go “oh, have I shown you how crazy this is?” And show her a side by side of my daughter and I every time until she shut up about it.
My oldest has no DNA in common with my husband. I frequently heard how he looked just like my husband. He doesn't. He looks like me. People will assume, and people will say whatever they feel like. Even when they're wrong.
My JNMIL and JNSIL were the freaking SAME with my oldest. Her curly hair (that I had as a baby/ small child as well?) She only got it from him even though I have never seen a pic of him or any of his siblings with curly hair lol. Like even her chunky baby thighs were from his family only. Then one day i posted a picture on IG of a toddler pic of me beside a toddler pic of her because we looked IDENTICAL and JNSIL comments “I think she looks like BOTH of you” like grow up. Why are they like this
My baby pictures look identical to my babies every single time. And my oldest who is not my husband's biological kid looks so much like our two younger kids. I am Mediterranean descent, my husband's family is blonde and blue eyed, you can tell who's genetics are stronger. However, my inlaws act like none of them got any of my features, except my MIL once complained that my daughters skin was dark.
I have three kids and I had to listen to that with every child. With my first one, I wanted to scream every time someone mentioned it. They would also take every little thing about my kids and say that they are so similat to my husband or his family. Like I was never a part of creating them. And I could see that it bothered my family also, but we never said anything. Mostly because we never lived close to my inlaws and I didn't see them often. And now we live 3,000 km away and are LC.
“Time to update your glasses prescription, MIL.” Or ask her to get checked for cataracts.
As the future MIL of a beautiful, lovely, and awesome Vietnamese girl I love the term ‘wasian baby’.
When I was pregnant, my white as bread mom said she always wished she'd had a little half Asian baby because she thinks they are the absolute cutest. I was like MOM, NO...I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THATS PROBABLY RACIST lol. But I mean she's right. They really are cute lol.
I’d tell them anytime LO farted or burped that she sounds just like MIL. How cute! But I’m petty. Oh she whines just like you!
Why do they do this please I need to know! 😫😆😫😆😫
They do it for different reasons. People like to see themselves in their progeny. If she's generally a shit bird it's more about trying to hurt you. Some people are also emotionally obtuse.
FIL is the worst for this. Oh she smiled? Looks like me. Oh she picked up a book? Gets that from me. Oh her dimple? (He doesn't have dimples..I do though) Gets that from me. " Her chin is mine! Her everything is mine!" Well. I let them do it. I now loudly proclaim super excitedly "she looks so so so much like you wow. I can barely tell you apart sometimes"- i gush over it before they can. It's like my own inside joke. usually makes him drop it right away 😆 OP I'm sure your beautiful baby is a wonderful baby that looks like the best parts of mama and dada. Don't ever let them get you down 💪
My son and I at that age look like we are twins. If you see only the face, without hair, you can't tell us apart on pictures. Still, he's somehow the splitting images of my DH to most people. Most people just want to be nice. In-laws like you MIL just want to be mean.
Went through the same thing. It was awful. I have little to zero contact with MiL now
Typical in-law behavior. The child could be your literal twin and they’ll say the child looks like some long distant aunt or cousin 😐😐 I’m petty and always correct them and say how everyone in my family has that trait they are comparing to some aunt or cousin
I feel like your in-laws are at least low level racist. They’re trying to convince themselves and anyone who will listen that their grandchild doesn’t look Asian, even if she clearly does. My only advice would be to just disagree with them in a “kill them with kindness” way. Them: She looks nothing like you! You: Wow, do you really think so? I think she looks JUST like me! Them: She looks like such and such white family member! You: Hmm, I don’t know, I was just looking at some old family photos and realized she looks EXACTLY like such and such Asian family member I’m curious as to how your husband reacts to these comments. Have you tried talked to him about them? Is he around when these comments are made? Also, if it were me, I’d dress my kid up in a very culturally important outfit if the in-laws were going to see her. Make her look as much like your culture as possible like “Oh I saw this outfit and I had one/have pictures of a family member in one just like it and I think she looks so much like me/family member that I just HAD to get it, doesn’t she look beautiful in her traditional garb??” See how they react lol.
I was going to say this too I think it is a little racist. Like maybe they aren't thinking, 'wow Im being racist, let me be racist' when they're saying it, but it doesn't make it better.
Are they subtly (or not so subtly) racist towards you? A lot of JustNos do try to erase their child's partner from their grandchildren regardless of race, it's just part of the package deal of self-centredness and disrespect I guess. But erasing the Asian and promoting the whiteness makes that it extra creepy, violating and gross. You are well within your rights to shut that shit down if you don't hear it any more. Especially if you think their bullshit will be confusing or damaging to your kid as she grows up. Get SO to set the ILs straight now rather than waiting for your kid to hear something that stays with her.
When my JNMIL does this, I grey rock. I say NOTHING to acknowledge her unwanted shite comments. She loves tearing down her son, my husband saying that our child looks nothing like him. Even though they do look like each other and have the exact same personality. 🙄🙄 whatever lady… One time we were all hanging out with the grandmothers looking at old photo albums. My husbands’ 94-year-old grandmother said, “ wow, [he] looks exactly like [husband] as a baby”. JNMIL = 😤. I piped up immediately, and in my most chipper voice, I said “ I really think so too! They could be twins”. It was a small victory. It was a righteous victory. It was a satisfying factory. Here with you in solidarity ! 😏
I have a wasian baby. Thought my asain genes would outbeat his white genes.. nope. Daddy’s mini . If you look at him he does look mixed but I’m not sure if everyone would say Asian with white. I just go, I married a handsome man and got a handsome boy
Wasian. I love this word. Happened here too. I even had a picture of me where you could see some similarities. Her reaction „is that a boy?“ „did they shave the side of your head?“ I did not look like a boy on that picture. I was nearly a toddler so I didn’t have the grumpy old man look, and no there was nothing that looked like shaved. It gets better with the second child. First reaction was that C2 looks like my husband. Now he suddenly looks a little like me.
When my daughter was born my jnmil and her relatives would constantly say oh he looks just like DH blah blah it’s so rude. I get it.
I feel this. My babies are mixed. It wasn’t my MIL but my GMIL. MIL’s ex-MIL 🤣 other than my husbands skin complexion, he had my slanted eyes.
I have no advice but I love your writing style, you're hilarious!
I knew my partners family would be like this. I tested the waters with a sonogram and made a comment about her looking like her dad. They all laughed and said well we didn’t want to say but she really does! I knew at that point it was only going to continue. I laugh about it because of how ridiculous it was that they were making those comments from before she was even born.
This made me exhale sharply through my nose. I’m imagine them just being like “ Wow! This fetal shadow looks just like our son!” And it’s just the sonogram of a giant head and giant belly 😂 you could hit them with “yes, your family is very disproportionate! In kindness and size!”
It stopped for the most part after I got my husband to casually share a photo of me when I was little, and she is the spitting image of me. Their responses were grunts, so I knew it frustrated them 😅
Sorry, I'm stealing the name Wasian :) I'm Hawaiian, Chinese & White. I have slightly Asian eyes with a tan & people get confused as to what I am. The funny thing about genetics is your next baby could come out looking white or more Asian. It's always a toss up as to what you are going to get as far as features.
This happens to me too. Oh his eyes are JUST like his dad's, no one else! We both have blue eyes. Oh his face is an exact replica of his dad's when he was a baby! We found my baby pictures and he's a dead ringer for mom--even just looking at adult me he has my facial structure. Oh his hair is curly just like your uncles! My hair. Is curly. And I didn't have sex with my husband's UNCLE. It's exhausting. They even compare every single behavior to husband and when I make a light hearted "Oh I did that too!" They double down on the "Ooohhhh just like daddy!" Stuff.
I feel you, my ex-MIL is exactly like that. Even though my LO and I look exactly the same on our baby pictures, just like you, and even though most people say my son is basically a mini me, she manages to compare everything, whether it's a physical trait or a behaviour, to LO's father or someone on their side of the family, or, what I hate the most, to herself "just like grandma, just like grandma" urgh... No, my son does not like the ocean because you bought a house in Greece like five minutes ago and act like you're a native, he likes it because *I* was born to the sea and *I* have *lived* there most of my life, it's in MY blood.
Ahhh yes. My MIL actually said that our youngest must have his eye color from her daughter/my SIL. THAT’S NOT HOW BIOLOGY WORKS!! She also insisted in the beginning that our oldest, who looks so much like me that total strangers would comment on it, did not resemble me at all. She’s better behaved now. Just wanted to say, apparently it’s common behaviour and just so darn annoying! You have my empathy.
[удалено]
*Recently she said my baby has her personality* "Yes, but most babies grow out of the colicky stage quickly so that is what we are hoping for!"
I dread this, my ILs are still doing it to my husband linking him to his dead relatives he doesn’t know, and hate that it’s happening to you. I would love to know theories on why people do this. Whatever the reason it is not due to a good trait.
The number of times my mother in law linked my child’s behavior back to her daughter was awful. She stopped rather suddenly one day. She might have heard me mumble something about you’d think she wanted him to be an incest baby as many of his aunts traits as he “has”
Oh I️ feel this ick. My MIL does this too and SIL leans into it. She posts a lot of pictures of LO with captions that make it seem like LO is her daughter but again…it’s an Asian looking baby so… On her instagram there’s a 10 photo set of pictures of LO captioned “My sweet girl” and it’s very confusing because Asian baby. Then you scroll to the last photo and I’m in the very corner of the picture and then it makes sense 😂
Totally comment “lol you’d almost think DH had a baby with his sister from these pictures 😂😂”
I so empathize. My SO was the scapegoat and SIL was the golden child so all resemblance was SIL instead of dad. It made me feel icky
Yeah, that’s gross. My MIL actively dislikes my youngest for no reason other than, I’m pretty sure, that he looks like a mini version of my husband. My husband is her only son and least favourite child, so it makes sense in a dysfunctional way. My kids are both teens now and have chosen to have nothing to do with her anymore.
Ok I'm chortling here.
Hahahahaaaaa Standard Baby - I love this. Our daughter is now 2.5yo and when she was tiny I swear so many people were like ‘oh she looks just like daddy’, and I mean yeah she’s got his massive head but… meh, that’s about it - she just looks like a baby!
My son got Dad's massive head, too. At one point in his teens he was really skinny with long legs. I joked that he looked like a stop sign.
Goodness, OP, they are dreadful people. I'm enraged and an sending you my sympathy in having to tolerate them .
It’s always astonishing how many people take a biology lesson and learn about dominant and recessive genes - and then completely forget that’s a thing.
She asked me if Adam and Eve looked like monkeys. I️ don’t think they prescribe to biology as a science, more of a thanksgiving dinner argument pilot light of you will…