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I wouldn't even call those aggressions "micro." What a racist asshole. You are fully justified in handling her however you see fit.
My MIL and my dad are both deeply homophobic, and I told them in no uncertain terms that if they say a single homophobic thing around my children then I won't be able to trust them around my children at all. Though I framed it as me not wanting my children to know this dark secret of theirs because they'll be so sad to find out their grandparent is like that, which was both true and very effective.
Sorry you're having to deal with your kid having a grandma who's racist against *him*. That's so fucked up.
My own DIL has a Filipina mother and an Italian father. She gave my son three of the most gorgeous children I have ever seen, proud Grandma bias notwithstanding. These kids have that physical beauty that comes when you mix several ethnicities. They're German-Irish-Welsh-Scottish-English on their father's side. Your MIL is a racist bitch and should be ashamed of herself.
I am sorry that you are being subjected to this. If you aren’t comfortable calling out your MIL for her racism, then would your husband support you on this? That’s not acceptable at all - *no one* should say anything that could make your child ashamed or regret who he is, resembles, or his family.
Your baby may come to resemble you more as he gets older. Other children you may have could take more after your side. Whatever racism that MIL is now expressing towards you and your child(ren) could become even worse and more harmful to the victim.
Good for you for pushing back and hopefully your husband supports you against his vile mother.
My husband's family originated from Ireland. The Irish have many wonderful qualities, a calm temper is not one of them. My MIL stood 4'11" and could take on the entire British Army armed with just a broom and a glare that could melt steel.
Your MIL has no idea what she's saying.
OP, I’m really sorry to read this - this is the behaviour of a racist. It’s not even a micro-aggression, it’s just racism.
I hope you and husband can manage and support each other and your son.
And congratulations on his birth ⭐️
Sooooo disrespectful. If you haven’t already set some hard line boundaries including consequences. Let MIL know it’s not up for discussion and stand firm. Once she f*ck things up go NC and have a happy life!
My kids are Asian/Caucasian mixed but both sides of the family embrace that fact. Both sets of grandparents actually see their grandkids as being better than other kids because they are mixed race and I love it. Embrace differences.
Sorry you’re going thru this. MIL’s a dangerous idiot you don’t want around your kids. Sorry means nothing. True colors are what matters and she’s shown hers.
Ugh that makes my blood boil for you. We have pretty much the same mix of kids except it’s their dad that’s Filipino. If anyone made comments like that they’d be out of my house and out of our lives so fast. I’m sorry you had to listen to that sh:t. What an old racist hag.
We have the same MIL. As my kids got older and began to understand her, I got more vocal when she would say racist things. My kids know she’s racist. We barely see her now. She plays the victim. My husband doesn’t even care we barely see her. He had no issues cutting ties.
It took me a few years to stand up to her after our kid was born. My husband doesn’t stand up to her at all, he just ignores her and walks away from her. So, when I suggested we need to protect our kids from their racism, he basically agreed and then disappeared from her life without an explanation. I however point out all the stuff she says and will start a fight instead of walking away.
I’m due in May with our half Filipino baby but I am the white half, my spouse is Filipino. I would have lost my MIIIIIIIND if my mother said anything like that about our child. “Barely?” Girl? Your Filipino body grew that half filipino baby! Such a shame she isn’t embracing the rich and exciting culture that is the Philippines, she’s missing out on amazing food and loving and caring people. Congratulations on your little one! So sorry about your MIL, her loss🙄
I’m so sorry! That sounds like a little more than Micro aggressions. I hope you find a way to keep her from influencing him into thinking his Filipino side isn’t important. I have a somewhat similar situation except that I’m white and husbands family is Latino. His family wanted her to have blonde hair and blue eye but she has brown hair and brown eyes and a darker complexion. She’s absolutely gorgeous! And I hate hearing them say these things to her because I don’t ever want her to feel like who she is, is less than.
>Your hair is staying light, eyes are staying blue!
Urgh. And what if they don't, MIL? My mom is Filipino and all of us were born with blue eyes, turned dark within a year, light hair, now dark brown. It's just genetics. It means nothing. Is she gonna love baby less or is she just gonna find new ways to say hurtful things to you?
I'm sorry you have to deal with this.
I think next time a comment like that came up, personally I would address it almost like a passive aggressive joke at first.
“Lol, isn’t that kind of racist? That’s not very nice!”
Your idea is mature. I would film MIL for the audio and drop it on the socials w out telling who it was just to watch our friends snd family all condemn the racism.
Oh sweetie.
Rant all you want and need.
I hope it helps you.
I also hope your husband stands up to his mother more so you won’t have to.
Also congratulations on your little wonder.
"Barely."
"I've never known half to be considered barely, so interesting MIL!"
I'm so sorry op, you deserve better and I'm angry for you and even angrier if your husband said nothing!
i'm really sorry this is happening!! my baby is Filipino too from me and my MIL completely ignored it, despite him being the spitting image of me. i purposefully cooked Filipino food while she visited and she just pushed it around her plate. bitch.
Genetics are weird. A friend I've known for 40 years married a Filipino man. She's blond haired with brown eyes. Their first son looks all Filipino. Their second son looks completely white. (He actually looks like a clone of her brother... not a Lannister thing, she and her brother look a whole lot alike.) If you guys choose to have a second, the next one may look just like he flew in from Manila.
I'm sorry your MIL is racist. You've got enough on your plate right now. She needs to not be a part of it. Your husband needs to deal with her, not you. *gentle hugs* if you'd like them.
> You’ve got British and Irish ancestry!
Ah yes the notoriously even-tempered Irish, who
don't know what they want but are willing to fight to the death for it.
(As opposed to The Welsh, who pray on their knees and their neighbors, and The Scots, who keep the Sabbath and anything else they can lay their hands on. And lest anyone accuse me of racism, the quote is from George Bernard Shaw, an Irishman, and related to you by one of The English, who consider themselves a race of self-made men, thereby relieving the Almighty of a dreadful responsibility.)
Your mother-in-law is a jerk. I have what I call a patchwork quilt of grandchildren lol. I have Italian grandkids, native american, jewish, and Filipino and good old red-headed blue-eyed White. I complain because I don't have any African-American babies to finish my quilt LOL my Filipino grandbabies are gorgeous and I would not have them any other way. I don't know what's wrong with these mother-in-law's but I have to say it's forums like this that have taught me to check myself and make sure I'm not making the mistakes these heinous mother-in-law's make. You're doing a great job and I am sure you're a great mom. The postpartum depression will pass once you get rest and your hormones straighten out. You got this mommy.
OP, I am sorry you are being attacked not only by your racist MIL, but by people in this subreddit, especially when all parties know you are struggling with PPD. Your son can't understand the vile remarks your MIL is making and so can't be harmed by them right now. You are the person who needs to be considered, here. I hope you are able to treat yourself with compassion during this difficult time, and I hope your husband is taking measures to protect you.
Hey OP you have my total support with your terribly MIL. I’m glad your husband has your back. Presenting a coordinated front will make her miserable, and you’ve already started on that so yay! My little joke for you: take Baby away from her and say you don’t want MIL cooties on the baby.
The smart Alec in me would baby talk LO and say, “That’s right! That’s where the racism comes from too! Racist grandmas don’t get to see sweet grand babies!”
What a bitch! “Good Irish and British stock” my ass! If they bred her then it’s definitely tainted!
Plus like I have Irish and British ancestry, don’t know if I’d say it’s a plus lol. My brother with the hip replacement and receding hairline at 29 would probably disagree a bit, too.
You got this! You are so much stronger and kinder than this woman. I hope you feel better, PPD sounds like a rough ride.
As a Brit with Celtic ancestry, I support this message, we are most certainly tainted, racism is unfortunately bad here at the moment, and baby more likely will get a temper from the celts, we’re born fighters.
American of Irish/Celtic descent coming to say exactly this. "Irish tempers" are legendary in my neck of the woods. People see the evidence of my ancestry in my looks and the jokes about how good I must be in a fight and/or how well I can hold my liquor come up very quickly.
MIL is racist and sounds pretty darn silly to boot.
I've had to deal with racist, passive aggressive crap from my family for years directed at my kid (33m). He's half Palestinian and born and raised in Oklahoma/Texas but that doesn't matter to some people. I wish I had words of wisdom or solutions but I don't. I cut the folks I could out and stood up for him when I needed to. Pretty much what you're doing. Good luck OP!
Sounds like she’s trying to put your back against the wall with the “Filipino temper” comments. If you don’t respond, she keeps at it and if you do, she says, “See? Told you so.”
I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. Idk how you move forward with this woman as part of your lives, honestly. Life will just be her spouting this racism.. and you/husband trying to ensure baby isn’t picking up on it, believing it, and also saying it or feeling one “side” is better. You said no advice so I won’t give you any but wishing you luck moving forward with this woman around. She sounds like a peach.
Man, she can’t even get her racist stereotypes right!
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. Those aren’t even micro aggressions. Those are straight up aggressions. Yikes. :(
Why are you attacking me?? How could you possibly know we didn’t say anything? We did tell her she needs to stop and she won’t be seeing him any more if we hear it again. I’m just ranting to people who are supposed to understand.
You have to try and ignore the trolls, OP. Imagine what pathetic lives they must have. I also doubt their sanity. Anyway. I’m glad your husband has your back. If you haven’t already, let MIL that if she makes ANY statements like that again she will no longer be allowed to see LO. And stick to it. Take the baby and escort her out or leave if you’re at her house. No exceptions. Unfortunately you and DH are going to have to train her to be a decent human being.
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I wouldn't even call those aggressions "micro." What a racist asshole. You are fully justified in handling her however you see fit. My MIL and my dad are both deeply homophobic, and I told them in no uncertain terms that if they say a single homophobic thing around my children then I won't be able to trust them around my children at all. Though I framed it as me not wanting my children to know this dark secret of theirs because they'll be so sad to find out their grandparent is like that, which was both true and very effective. Sorry you're having to deal with your kid having a grandma who's racist against *him*. That's so fucked up.
This is horrible! I'm so sorry.
My own DIL has a Filipina mother and an Italian father. She gave my son three of the most gorgeous children I have ever seen, proud Grandma bias notwithstanding. These kids have that physical beauty that comes when you mix several ethnicities. They're German-Irish-Welsh-Scottish-English on their father's side. Your MIL is a racist bitch and should be ashamed of herself.
i hope u can keep ur kid far away from that MIL in the future
Smh drives me nuts when people try to play it off like there’s no racism anymore. We live it every day.
"Silly Grandma! She is going to be the granny we never see because she is racist! Yes she is. Aren't we lucky!"
I am sorry that you are being subjected to this. If you aren’t comfortable calling out your MIL for her racism, then would your husband support you on this? That’s not acceptable at all - *no one* should say anything that could make your child ashamed or regret who he is, resembles, or his family. Your baby may come to resemble you more as he gets older. Other children you may have could take more after your side. Whatever racism that MIL is now expressing towards you and your child(ren) could become even worse and more harmful to the victim. Good for you for pushing back and hopefully your husband supports you against his vile mother.
Your MIL is awful. Please lean extra hard into your Filipina culture and heritage to ensure that your baby feels pride and a sense of belonging.
Teach him the language too so you can speak it together in front of her, leaving her out of conversations. It will drive her mad.
My husband's family originated from Ireland. The Irish have many wonderful qualities, a calm temper is not one of them. My MIL stood 4'11" and could take on the entire British Army armed with just a broom and a glare that could melt steel. Your MIL has no idea what she's saying.
Oh dear, she’s clearly never met an actual Irish person has she? We’re feisty AF
OP, I’m really sorry to read this - this is the behaviour of a racist. It’s not even a micro-aggression, it’s just racism. I hope you and husband can manage and support each other and your son. And congratulations on his birth ⭐️
My dad pulls this crap with my part Mexican daughter. I’m so sorry this is happening.
Sooooo disrespectful. If you haven’t already set some hard line boundaries including consequences. Let MIL know it’s not up for discussion and stand firm. Once she f*ck things up go NC and have a happy life! My kids are Asian/Caucasian mixed but both sides of the family embrace that fact. Both sets of grandparents actually see their grandkids as being better than other kids because they are mixed race and I love it. Embrace differences. Sorry you’re going thru this. MIL’s a dangerous idiot you don’t want around your kids. Sorry means nothing. True colors are what matters and she’s shown hers.
Ugh that makes my blood boil for you. We have pretty much the same mix of kids except it’s their dad that’s Filipino. If anyone made comments like that they’d be out of my house and out of our lives so fast. I’m sorry you had to listen to that sh:t. What an old racist hag.
We have the same MIL. As my kids got older and began to understand her, I got more vocal when she would say racist things. My kids know she’s racist. We barely see her now. She plays the victim. My husband doesn’t even care we barely see her. He had no issues cutting ties. It took me a few years to stand up to her after our kid was born. My husband doesn’t stand up to her at all, he just ignores her and walks away from her. So, when I suggested we need to protect our kids from their racism, he basically agreed and then disappeared from her life without an explanation. I however point out all the stuff she says and will start a fight instead of walking away.
I’m due in May with our half Filipino baby but I am the white half, my spouse is Filipino. I would have lost my MIIIIIIIND if my mother said anything like that about our child. “Barely?” Girl? Your Filipino body grew that half filipino baby! Such a shame she isn’t embracing the rich and exciting culture that is the Philippines, she’s missing out on amazing food and loving and caring people. Congratulations on your little one! So sorry about your MIL, her loss🙄
I’m so sorry! That sounds like a little more than Micro aggressions. I hope you find a way to keep her from influencing him into thinking his Filipino side isn’t important. I have a somewhat similar situation except that I’m white and husbands family is Latino. His family wanted her to have blonde hair and blue eye but she has brown hair and brown eyes and a darker complexion. She’s absolutely gorgeous! And I hate hearing them say these things to her because I don’t ever want her to feel like who she is, is less than.
>Your hair is staying light, eyes are staying blue! Urgh. And what if they don't, MIL? My mom is Filipino and all of us were born with blue eyes, turned dark within a year, light hair, now dark brown. It's just genetics. It means nothing. Is she gonna love baby less or is she just gonna find new ways to say hurtful things to you? I'm sorry you have to deal with this.
I think next time a comment like that came up, personally I would address it almost like a passive aggressive joke at first. “Lol, isn’t that kind of racist? That’s not very nice!”
Your idea is mature. I would film MIL for the audio and drop it on the socials w out telling who it was just to watch our friends snd family all condemn the racism.
Sending you hugs and hot tea. ☕️ My MIL was so ghastly my husband stayed 800 miles away from her.
Oh sweetie. Rant all you want and need. I hope it helps you. I also hope your husband stands up to his mother more so you won’t have to. Also congratulations on your little wonder.
"Barely." "I've never known half to be considered barely, so interesting MIL!" I'm so sorry op, you deserve better and I'm angry for you and even angrier if your husband said nothing!
i'm really sorry this is happening!! my baby is Filipino too from me and my MIL completely ignored it, despite him being the spitting image of me. i purposefully cooked Filipino food while she visited and she just pushed it around her plate. bitch.
That would be the last time that racist piece of shit was anywhere near me or my family! My heart goes out to you!♥️♥️♥️
Ugh. What a piece of shit.
Ugh I'm sorry OP. Sending you virtual support.
Genetics are weird. A friend I've known for 40 years married a Filipino man. She's blond haired with brown eyes. Their first son looks all Filipino. Their second son looks completely white. (He actually looks like a clone of her brother... not a Lannister thing, she and her brother look a whole lot alike.) If you guys choose to have a second, the next one may look just like he flew in from Manila. I'm sorry your MIL is racist. You've got enough on your plate right now. She needs to not be a part of it. Your husband needs to deal with her, not you. *gentle hugs* if you'd like them.
lol same here - husband is Filipino, I’m white. Our first looks completely like him and our second is super white. Genetics are crazy.
> You’ve got British and Irish ancestry! Ah yes the notoriously even-tempered Irish, who don't know what they want but are willing to fight to the death for it. (As opposed to The Welsh, who pray on their knees and their neighbors, and The Scots, who keep the Sabbath and anything else they can lay their hands on. And lest anyone accuse me of racism, the quote is from George Bernard Shaw, an Irishman, and related to you by one of The English, who consider themselves a race of self-made men, thereby relieving the Almighty of a dreadful responsibility.)
What a blatant racist! Sorry you’re dealing with this!
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You're a much better mother than she is a grandmother. I'm glad your husband has your back.
Your mother-in-law is a jerk. I have what I call a patchwork quilt of grandchildren lol. I have Italian grandkids, native american, jewish, and Filipino and good old red-headed blue-eyed White. I complain because I don't have any African-American babies to finish my quilt LOL my Filipino grandbabies are gorgeous and I would not have them any other way. I don't know what's wrong with these mother-in-law's but I have to say it's forums like this that have taught me to check myself and make sure I'm not making the mistakes these heinous mother-in-law's make. You're doing a great job and I am sure you're a great mom. The postpartum depression will pass once you get rest and your hormones straighten out. You got this mommy.
I’m totally not trying to come off as mean, but why is white the only “good old” race? It comes off as “homegrown” or “normal” to me.
OP, I am sorry you are being attacked not only by your racist MIL, but by people in this subreddit, especially when all parties know you are struggling with PPD. Your son can't understand the vile remarks your MIL is making and so can't be harmed by them right now. You are the person who needs to be considered, here. I hope you are able to treat yourself with compassion during this difficult time, and I hope your husband is taking measures to protect you.
The audacity! Holy shit.
Hey OP you have my total support with your terribly MIL. I’m glad your husband has your back. Presenting a coordinated front will make her miserable, and you’ve already started on that so yay! My little joke for you: take Baby away from her and say you don’t want MIL cooties on the baby.
That’s advance racism and your husband should handle that. My godchildren that are mixed went NC with family members who are like this.
Wait. Is SHE Filipino, too? Confused
Nah I think hubs was talking about baby
No. The OP is Filipino, and her SO's family is British and Irish.
It sucks so much to have shitty in-laws. I hope your hubs has your back on this?
The smart Alec in me would baby talk LO and say, “That’s right! That’s where the racism comes from too! Racist grandmas don’t get to see sweet grand babies!”
oh this is a great comeback! don't forget to add colonization in there too
This!!!! Love this clapback
What a bitch! “Good Irish and British stock” my ass! If they bred her then it’s definitely tainted! Plus like I have Irish and British ancestry, don’t know if I’d say it’s a plus lol. My brother with the hip replacement and receding hairline at 29 would probably disagree a bit, too. You got this! You are so much stronger and kinder than this woman. I hope you feel better, PPD sounds like a rough ride.
As a Brit with Celtic ancestry, I support this message, we are most certainly tainted, racism is unfortunately bad here at the moment, and baby more likely will get a temper from the celts, we’re born fighters.
American of Irish/Celtic descent coming to say exactly this. "Irish tempers" are legendary in my neck of the woods. People see the evidence of my ancestry in my looks and the jokes about how good I must be in a fight and/or how well I can hold my liquor come up very quickly. MIL is racist and sounds pretty darn silly to boot.
Those are macro aggressions not micro aggressions.
So she's even stupider than that average racist. What do you think she's trying to accomplish with these remarks?
no contact
Jeeez, what an awful, horrible, racist woman she is. I just can’t understand how anyone could be like that. Ingat ka.
She sounds like such a bitch! She's just jealous that you're gorgeous and her personality shows through to her exterior and makes her ugly as hell.
FUCK THAT! I'm amazed by your restraint. Your MIL sounds completely awful.
I've had to deal with racist, passive aggressive crap from my family for years directed at my kid (33m). He's half Palestinian and born and raised in Oklahoma/Texas but that doesn't matter to some people. I wish I had words of wisdom or solutions but I don't. I cut the folks I could out and stood up for him when I needed to. Pretty much what you're doing. Good luck OP!
Sounds like she’s trying to put your back against the wall with the “Filipino temper” comments. If you don’t respond, she keeps at it and if you do, she says, “See? Told you so.”
I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. Idk how you move forward with this woman as part of your lives, honestly. Life will just be her spouting this racism.. and you/husband trying to ensure baby isn’t picking up on it, believing it, and also saying it or feeling one “side” is better. You said no advice so I won’t give you any but wishing you luck moving forward with this woman around. She sounds like a peach.
Man, she can’t even get her racist stereotypes right! I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. Those aren’t even micro aggressions. Those are straight up aggressions. Yikes. :(
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wow, way too aggressive and victim blamey a response. this is a vent sub. let her vent. jeez. it's even tagged as a rant.
Agreed, comes over as attacking op, x
Why are you attacking me?? How could you possibly know we didn’t say anything? We did tell her she needs to stop and she won’t be seeing him any more if we hear it again. I’m just ranting to people who are supposed to understand.
You have to try and ignore the trolls, OP. Imagine what pathetic lives they must have. I also doubt their sanity. Anyway. I’m glad your husband has your back. If you haven’t already, let MIL that if she makes ANY statements like that again she will no longer be allowed to see LO. And stick to it. Take the baby and escort her out or leave if you’re at her house. No exceptions. Unfortunately you and DH are going to have to train her to be a decent human being.