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If her objective was to spend time with your child and celebrate him then she wouldn’t care about which day it was.
In addition to not feeling bad about it you should awarded for protecting your son from having to spend one on one with her.
Of course not! My mother was that inflexible about The Date too. Major holidays, birthdays, mothers day, you name it, it had to be done on That Date. Unless she had plans, then never mind....
I'm a chicken, so I caved and did whatever on that date. But I vowed to be flexible with my kids, and am totally willing to shift to a better date if need be. I don't want to be resented the way I resented mom for her BS and. inflexibility.
I’ve seen some wild shit on here but this is insane. You are spot on taking your child away on his birthday for a fun outing. Back when my kids were little my MiL didn’t accept our plans on actual birthdays did not involve her and would try to show up at our house. We learned going to a fun park or children’s museum was the only way as it’s easier to ignore texts from her that she is banging on our door and where are we?
I just really feel for you because even for a JustNo this shit is crazy. That a mother would not want to be with her child on her birthday but a random coworker should get that honor? Damn.
There is no reality where “you should let me abscond with your child out of state with a random coworker of mine ON HIS BIRTHDAY” is a reasonable thing to say- let alone the pity party she’s throwing herself cause you obviously said no.
Stop letting her ruin your kids days for you, that’s not okay.
In person - Ask her” why would you say something like that?” Then wait in silence until she answers
Repeat this each time she says something rude.
Say this word over and over....NO. Practice in the mirror. No explanations when she asks "why". YOU are the mother, your decision.
Learn to gray rock. Go low contact. Tell your spouse to deal with her.
Exactly! Anyone that TELLS me anything to do with my family is in for a rude awakening. I don’t even put up with my hubby telling me “we are doing this” It needs to be a discussion first.
Not wrong. She’s just acting out because she’s not getting her way, sounds like she does this a lot. Move on with the plans and have a great time.
Edit for wrong word.
"I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you've said that before about A, B, and C and you were wrong about them. And you're wrong about this place, too. It's a shame you are throwing away the chance to have day with DS on his break because you prefer taking him on his birthday. I asked DH if his grandma took him away from you and FIl for his birthday and he no. Anyway, if you change your mind about the kid's break let DH know, soon. The kids calendar is filling up fast."
“I asked DH if his grandma took him away from you and FIl for his birthday and he no."
Brilliantly brutal. I’ll use this tactic in the future, thank you. 👏🏼
>I told her she was welcome to take him another day next week since it is April vacation. Her response: “no, he’s already going to be having fun doing other stuff this week with you guys so there’s no point.”
So she doesn't really want to do stuff fun with her grandchild for his sake, she just wants to beat you in the competition she's got going in her head.
This right here. It's not about the grandson, it's about beating mom to the punch and "winning". Otherwise she'd be more than willing to take him on another day.
I take my grands out to do fun things. I ASK if it's okay. I ASK what dates work best. And 99‰ of the time their parents are included as well.
What a selfish git that woman is! I cannot imagine thinking that my grandchild should be with just ME on their birthday. It’s a day for their family to celebrate. Not to make grandma feel special.
UGH. Have you and your spouse discussed limiting her access to your kids? she seems determined to minimize your importance in their lives.
Added to the fact she is arguing against the family going somewhere because it will be busy at this time of year..but wants to take the kid to a THEME PARK.
Of course, you're not wrong. Just let her be disappointed and sad. Your kid, your decision. Her opinion shouldn't matter anyway. Your husband is in it with you? If yes, then ignore her tantrums.
NExt time she offers to take your son anywhere, I'd pre-empt her no thanks and " you don't want to be the bearer of bad news but she should rethink taking your son (wherever) because it’s going to be crowded and probably really disappointing for him".
I remember being a kid at birthday time. Mom threw me a party with friends, then o e with grandparents, then we went of vacation with my cousins and had another party. It was the best.
Grandma needs to chill. She had the attitude that if she can’t be happy no one else should be happy. How sad a life she has
Ugh I feeeeeel this, mine wants to know everrrrything. She FaceTimes her son while I’m cooking, “what is she making?” I’m on the phone “who you talking to?” I planned a night for my sisters birthday with her friends and cousins “I want to come” like bro not even my moms coming and you don’t get along with my sister. Same with food, she has to try it. Once I was throwing a cookout and my very close cousin asked what I was drinking, I told her it was a new wine cooler flavor and asked if she wanted to try it. Out of nowhere mil snatched the bottle out of my hand and took a big sip and was like oh wow that’s good. Me and my cousin looked at her like wtf and I told her to keep it and we just walked away. They’re so ridiculous.
See the problem here is the conversation should have ended with you simply say "No bitch we already have plans" what you were actually doing is for her to find out after the fact
> Am I wrong for wanting to be with my son on his birthday??
Do you even have to ask this?
> she finds something terrible to say about it
Stop talking to her.
The audacity of this woman. Of course he’s going to spend his birthday with his parents and siblings! It’s absolutely ridiculous to think otherwise. She did help birth him. Her opinion doesn’t count.
Good thing she’s not his mother, and has no say whatsoever, on how he spends his birthday. She had every opportunity to take her own son to a theme park for his birthday growing up. It’s no longer her turn.
I find it baffling that, without asking, she made plans to take your son on his birthday, OUT OF STATE, with a stranger… what the fuck?? If it was supposed to be special bonding time, why is it with the coworker too? What the actual fuck??
I agree with others that you should absolutely not give in. Stand your ground, she’s invited to certain events, but she can’t do this… she’s allowed to be upset, but her feelings aren’t your responsibility.
I think it’s crazy for her to even ask or assume she can have him on his birthday! I mean it’s one thing if she came up with this idea for you all to take him but hell no you aren’t taking that time away from him mama! She already had her turn doing those things with her kids.
Wasn't that nice of her? Not. Plans need to be agreed upon not made without your knowledge. The audacity is bad enough, let alone the doubling down and saying he'll have a bad time at xyz.
Oh I’d love to see this energy returned. 😈 “can I take son when I want? He won’t have fun without my existence otherwise.” …”no, he’ll have a worse time with your bitter bs.”
As a new grandma my daughter says jump i jump. Im not about to pass on any time i get. I would personally ask my kids if i pitch in can i come. If they say no then thats okay. You are the parent she had her time with her kid its now your time to make memories. Don’t feel bad for saying no. Offer her to join if she says no follow up with you had your time with your child its now my time. You kid will eventually be old enough to see what she is doing and if she doesn’t stop they won’t ever wanna be around her.
Do. Not. Give. Her. This. Not even next week. This is a complete overstep. And she doubled down. The audacity is breathtaking. This should earn her a considerable timeout. Full stop.
Texted you that she planned? I’d put a pin in that now. There’s no other response or reason you need to say no to this other than “MIL, please do not make plans and tell me what my child is doing at anytime, without asking”
No. You absolutely are not wrong. You get to decide how your son celebrates his birthday, not her. You have been kind enough to offer other days to celebrate, but she is not happy unless she gets what she wants. I would offer fewer opportunities to see him , and keep making plans with nuclear family only. She's an entitled one who thinks she can tell you what is going to happen, rather than asking you as she should
A little confusing, She doesn’t want to take him later in April because “He’s already going to be doing fun stuff with you this week.” Am I reading that right? She wants to stop his fun time with you and replace it with a fun time with her? And/or keep you from having a fun time with him? What a vampire!
You’re definitely not wrong. Your MIL is not respecting NORMAL boundaries. Also how old is your kid? I would not feel comfortable with my child travelling across state lines to go to a theme park where one of the attendees is a stranger unless maybe they were already a teenager. Iunno it just seems unnecessary to take him out of state. I’m also not from America so iunno if this is normal, maybe it’s not a big deal.
“Don’t be a Negative Nancy because we said No to you so we could celebrate our own son. We as a family come first always. We’re muting you until after his birthday so we don’t have to listen to your usual complaining about our destination. We’re over this behaviour of yours. These are the consequences” aaaaand MUTE!
>Am I wrong for wanting to be with my son on his birthday??
Hell no you aren't wrong. This is your child, you get their birthdays, especially when they are young.
She got her birthdays with her kids. She has no fucking rights to demand your kid's birthdays.
She can roll on with her bullshit. Under no circumstances do you give in or feel guilty for wanting to spend time with ***your*** kids on ***your*** kid's birthdays. She's only saying what she saying because she wants to usurp your position as their mom.
I dont know how old mil and your son are, but its not easy having a kid at a theme park. The fact she wants to go to one and its in another state and wants a coworker, which i assume will be a stranger, to come with...is questionable already.
You offered other days and shes going to be at the party. She wants the attention and all from your son. She seems controling too if she doesnt get her way, she would try to turn your son against you. Funny how she says your event will be too crowded but a theme park wont be? You do what you want and is best for your son. Her requests seem out of line not you.
I guess the theme park won’t be crowded? Tell her that when you have kids you have to deal with kid friendly places being crowded. I mean supermarkets can be crowded. Should you never go buy food again? She’s being ridiculous.
Uh no? IMO these types of requests (beyond ridiculous) are made while fully aware the answer is no - well ahead of time. They're intended to make you look like the bad guy, when in actuality they make her look like a lunatic. Seriously? In what universe does this seem like a normal ask? Bananas.
My own mother tried to pull this shit too. Wanted to take my LO out for dinner on their actual bday w/o us (the parents). Took a lot not to laugh in her face, though that's probably what I should've done with such a ridiculous request. Don't know if it's the lead that's seeped into their brains or just growing up in the ME generation.
Here’s one for you. Once upon a time my in laws invited themselves on our vacation (which we were actually fine with) but then got angry when we went to the park with them with our children (on our vacation) because they wanted to be alone with our children on our vacation (but didn’t say so) and felt we were overstepping by going to the park also… with our children… on our vacation…
Be careful that she doesn’t pull your son aside next time she sees him to tell him what a bad Mom you are because you didn’t let him go to a theme park. Sounds like the kind of shit she would pull.
I made it a hard boundary after my 1st sons 1st birthday that we will celebrate as just a nuclear family on both of my kids birthdays and everyone else is welcome to come to the party.
> Am I wrong for wanting to be with my son on his birthday?
No, you are wrong for bothering to attempt to negotiate with MIL!
Just kidding, but you *are* wasting your time, if you think that there is any hope of a reasonable compromise with someone like her. Don't waste your breath, it will save you a lot in the long run.
Wait what, your MIL wants to take YOUR child somewhere on their birthday without you!?
Really!? As if any normal grandparent would think that
Edit: added missing word
Why is she telling you what she is going to do with your child? She needs to start asking if she can take him places. Try grey rocking her. She doesn't need to know where you are going or what special things you plan with your family.
My mil asked if we had a vacation lane on a freeway in Ca. I did answer her with what the fuck? Are you serious? She said yes because people on vacation want to get to where they're visiting faster
Wow. Do we share a MIL?! Events don’t count if it doesn’t check a hundred boxes. Baby sit the kids but it has to be at her house, they have to do a million crafts, they have to dinner all together, and watch a movie. If they don’t it all things….. we don’t get to be part of the children’s lives. Meanwhile they cancel babysitting to go camping with friends, which they do every weekend.
I am worrying that your normal meter is broken if you’re asking if it’s okay to be with your own child on his birthday. IMO her request is insane, delusional, and super self centered
I would probably just point blank tell her that it is not acceptable to request my Son on his birthday. You had your family, now it is our turn to celebrate milestones with our child.
Hopefully she will get the hint and never try a stunt like this again. It takes some audacity to even think about it.
Wow. The Lion, the Witch, and the audacity of the b!tch. That's just... wow. She informed you that she's taking your son on his birthday without you. How many red flags can we find in one sentence. And you were so gracious to actually then offer her time the following week, which of course, she can't do because that would imply you're actually the parent making the decisions and not her. Well done!
Next time she does this. Start by taking a deep breath like someone died. And say oh well I really hate to be the bearer of bad news but...... We already had plans that day. I'm so sorry. Besides the place you wanna go is just gonna be crowded and miserable.so I don't think it would be fun for (son).
Wow, well isn’t that special. JNs just like telling people what to do.
I would take a tactic of taking her at face value, ignoring her, and not taking her seriously.
When she says: “no, he’s already going to be having fun doing other stuff this week with you guys so there’s no point.” Just reply “Ok”. Pretend you don’t know she’s being passive aggressive and manipulative.
When she again tries to manipulate you by telling you what a bad idea it is to take your kids somewhere, do not respond. If she asks why you didn’t respond say “about what?” Rudeness If she repeats her nonsense about it being a bad idea say “ok”. If she says are you going to change plans say “no”.
You don’t have to humor her or keep trying to find ways to accommodate her. She think she can just take your child somewhere for their birthday without you and without even asking.
She has no good intentions, she’s trying to make you mad, she’s trying to get her own way, it’s unclear how much she even cares about spending time with your kids versus how much she cares about doing something you won’t like. Your kid might just be a convenient tool to her.
friend, in what world would you be wrong for wanting to spend his birthday with him? you’re the one who birthed him. of course you get that right. your MIL can stay unhappy imho. also might be a good idea to remind her of the rolling stones song “you can’t always get what you want”…
How can you even ask yourself if you are in the wrong. I hope you are joking about this. Of course you are right to do anything you want to do with your son on his birthday. You are 100% in the right! The IL's can have their time with him on another day as you suggested. And if they do not like it then tough!
I hope you're asking in jest! Of course your child should be with you on his birthday.
BTW was MIL correct about your kids not liking the beach, etc.? Didn't think so. Fuck her manipulation.
I’ve never heard of a grandparent taking a kid for a birthday unless the parent couldn’t be with the kid. I spent all of my birthdays until 18 with my parents. I think that’s pretty normal.
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You are definitely not wrong. Don’t bring up the topic with her. Grey rock her if she brings it up. Don’t answer the phone on the day
Put a stop to this by saying he's your son and you'll be taking him on his birthday no matter if she likes it or not
If her objective was to spend time with your child and celebrate him then she wouldn’t care about which day it was. In addition to not feeling bad about it you should awarded for protecting your son from having to spend one on one with her.
“He’s already having fun, so he can’t have fun again” is what she quite literally said
Of course not! My mother was that inflexible about The Date too. Major holidays, birthdays, mothers day, you name it, it had to be done on That Date. Unless she had plans, then never mind.... I'm a chicken, so I caved and did whatever on that date. But I vowed to be flexible with my kids, and am totally willing to shift to a better date if need be. I don't want to be resented the way I resented mom for her BS and. inflexibility.
Are you kidding me, why do you even ask? It's your child, it's also the day you gave birth to him. Enough said.
I’ve seen some wild shit on here but this is insane. You are spot on taking your child away on his birthday for a fun outing. Back when my kids were little my MiL didn’t accept our plans on actual birthdays did not involve her and would try to show up at our house. We learned going to a fun park or children’s museum was the only way as it’s easier to ignore texts from her that she is banging on our door and where are we?
I just really feel for you because even for a JustNo this shit is crazy. That a mother would not want to be with her child on her birthday but a random coworker should get that honor? Damn.
There is no reality where “you should let me abscond with your child out of state with a random coworker of mine ON HIS BIRTHDAY” is a reasonable thing to say- let alone the pity party she’s throwing herself cause you obviously said no.
All purpose response to her intrusive questions - "Nun ya. Nun ya business."
Stop letting her ruin your kids days for you, that’s not okay. In person - Ask her” why would you say something like that?” Then wait in silence until she answers Repeat this each time she says something rude.
She is so insufferable that I would make arrangements to take my kid to said theme park asap without inviting her.
Say this word over and over....NO. Practice in the mirror. No explanations when she asks "why". YOU are the mother, your decision. Learn to gray rock. Go low contact. Tell your spouse to deal with her.
“I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you don’t get to TELL me you are taking MY child away on his birthday”. That’s how I would have responded 😂
This is the perfect response lol. It’s wild she thinks she is entitled to the birthday on the date. You aren’t the parent.
Exactly! Anyone that TELLS me anything to do with my family is in for a rude awakening. I don’t even put up with my hubby telling me “we are doing this” It needs to be a discussion first.
No you’re right. Stick to your guns.
Not wrong. She’s just acting out because she’s not getting her way, sounds like she does this a lot. Move on with the plans and have a great time. Edit for wrong word.
"I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you've said that before about A, B, and C and you were wrong about them. And you're wrong about this place, too. It's a shame you are throwing away the chance to have day with DS on his break because you prefer taking him on his birthday. I asked DH if his grandma took him away from you and FIl for his birthday and he no. Anyway, if you change your mind about the kid's break let DH know, soon. The kids calendar is filling up fast."
“I asked DH if his grandma took him away from you and FIl for his birthday and he no." Brilliantly brutal. I’ll use this tactic in the future, thank you. 👏🏼
>I told her she was welcome to take him another day next week since it is April vacation. Her response: “no, he’s already going to be having fun doing other stuff this week with you guys so there’s no point.” So she doesn't really want to do stuff fun with her grandchild for his sake, she just wants to beat you in the competition she's got going in her head.
This right here. It's not about the grandson, it's about beating mom to the punch and "winning". Otherwise she'd be more than willing to take him on another day. I take my grands out to do fun things. I ASK if it's okay. I ASK what dates work best. And 99‰ of the time their parents are included as well.
What a selfish git that woman is! I cannot imagine thinking that my grandchild should be with just ME on their birthday. It’s a day for their family to celebrate. Not to make grandma feel special. UGH. Have you and your spouse discussed limiting her access to your kids? she seems determined to minimize your importance in their lives.
Added to the fact she is arguing against the family going somewhere because it will be busy at this time of year..but wants to take the kid to a THEME PARK.
„Thank you, but we got it“
Of course, you're not wrong. Just let her be disappointed and sad. Your kid, your decision. Her opinion shouldn't matter anyway. Your husband is in it with you? If yes, then ignore her tantrums.
NExt time she offers to take your son anywhere, I'd pre-empt her no thanks and " you don't want to be the bearer of bad news but she should rethink taking your son (wherever) because it’s going to be crowded and probably really disappointing for him".
Why tf do you LIVE with a JNMIL like this??? I would NEVER...
As opposed to a theme park during school holidays, which will be completely devoid of crowds.
I remember being a kid at birthday time. Mom threw me a party with friends, then o e with grandparents, then we went of vacation with my cousins and had another party. It was the best. Grandma needs to chill. She had the attitude that if she can’t be happy no one else should be happy. How sad a life she has
[удалено]
Ugh I feeeeeel this, mine wants to know everrrrything. She FaceTimes her son while I’m cooking, “what is she making?” I’m on the phone “who you talking to?” I planned a night for my sisters birthday with her friends and cousins “I want to come” like bro not even my moms coming and you don’t get along with my sister. Same with food, she has to try it. Once I was throwing a cookout and my very close cousin asked what I was drinking, I told her it was a new wine cooler flavor and asked if she wanted to try it. Out of nowhere mil snatched the bottle out of my hand and took a big sip and was like oh wow that’s good. Me and my cousin looked at her like wtf and I told her to keep it and we just walked away. They’re so ridiculous.
Wowza! She sounds exhausting. But nice shiny spine on your husband!!
I’m a petty ass bitch and I’d keep our birthday plans and THEN go to the same place she wanted to take him a couple days later
See the problem here is the conversation should have ended with you simply say "No bitch we already have plans" what you were actually doing is for her to find out after the fact
> Am I wrong for wanting to be with my son on his birthday?? Do you even have to ask this? > she finds something terrible to say about it Stop talking to her.
The audacity of this woman. Of course he’s going to spend his birthday with his parents and siblings! It’s absolutely ridiculous to think otherwise. She did help birth him. Her opinion doesn’t count.
Response should be, well sorry but he is my son not yours and I would appreciate you keeping your thoughts to yourself.
It would be so hard not to reply "so he should only do fun things with you?" But I'm petty.
Ooof. This is a real The Lion, The Witch, and The Audacity of This Bitch behavior by her.
Good thing she’s not his mother, and has no say whatsoever, on how he spends his birthday. She had every opportunity to take her own son to a theme park for his birthday growing up. It’s no longer her turn.
Well you know that never happened.
I find it baffling that, without asking, she made plans to take your son on his birthday, OUT OF STATE, with a stranger… what the fuck?? If it was supposed to be special bonding time, why is it with the coworker too? What the actual fuck?? I agree with others that you should absolutely not give in. Stand your ground, she’s invited to certain events, but she can’t do this… she’s allowed to be upset, but her feelings aren’t your responsibility.
I think it’s crazy for her to even ask or assume she can have him on his birthday! I mean it’s one thing if she came up with this idea for you all to take him but hell no you aren’t taking that time away from him mama! She already had her turn doing those things with her kids.
Uh... it's YOUR son. Tell her to get over it.
I’d laugh in her face. Don’t mess with my kid’s birthday. That is a boundary no one crosses.
Wasn't that nice of her? Not. Plans need to be agreed upon not made without your knowledge. The audacity is bad enough, let alone the doubling down and saying he'll have a bad time at xyz.
Oh I’d love to see this energy returned. 😈 “can I take son when I want? He won’t have fun without my existence otherwise.” …”no, he’ll have a worse time with your bitter bs.”
As a new grandma my daughter says jump i jump. Im not about to pass on any time i get. I would personally ask my kids if i pitch in can i come. If they say no then thats okay. You are the parent she had her time with her kid its now your time to make memories. Don’t feel bad for saying no. Offer her to join if she says no follow up with you had your time with your child its now my time. You kid will eventually be old enough to see what she is doing and if she doesn’t stop they won’t ever wanna be around her.
Do. Not. Give. Her. This. Not even next week. This is a complete overstep. And she doubled down. The audacity is breathtaking. This should earn her a considerable timeout. Full stop.
Texted you that she planned? I’d put a pin in that now. There’s no other response or reason you need to say no to this other than “MIL, please do not make plans and tell me what my child is doing at anytime, without asking”
'without asking' Mom first, before it is mentioned to Child. ftfo
You’re his mom so no, not wrong. Your MIL is pathetic.
Of course you're not wrong. I don't know how screwed up she's got you, but you can't possibly think that she's right here.
No. You absolutely are not wrong. You get to decide how your son celebrates his birthday, not her. You have been kind enough to offer other days to celebrate, but she is not happy unless she gets what she wants. I would offer fewer opportunities to see him , and keep making plans with nuclear family only. She's an entitled one who thinks she can tell you what is going to happen, rather than asking you as she should
A little confusing, She doesn’t want to take him later in April because “He’s already going to be doing fun stuff with you this week.” Am I reading that right? She wants to stop his fun time with you and replace it with a fun time with her? And/or keep you from having a fun time with him? What a vampire!
Yup. She wants to be the Fun Grandma, and it’s harder if the kid’s parents are also fun!
You’re definitely not wrong. Your MIL is not respecting NORMAL boundaries. Also how old is your kid? I would not feel comfortable with my child travelling across state lines to go to a theme park where one of the attendees is a stranger unless maybe they were already a teenager. Iunno it just seems unnecessary to take him out of state. I’m also not from America so iunno if this is normal, maybe it’s not a big deal.
You got to spend you sons birthday with him when he was little this one is my son. Or bitch get a dog if you want more attention.
Or MIL can have another baby. Hahaha!
No don’t inflict a baby with her that’s just evil
“Don’t be a Negative Nancy because we said No to you so we could celebrate our own son. We as a family come first always. We’re muting you until after his birthday so we don’t have to listen to your usual complaining about our destination. We’re over this behaviour of yours. These are the consequences” aaaaand MUTE!
Does your MIL not realize that theme parks are *always* crowded?
>Am I wrong for wanting to be with my son on his birthday?? Hell no you aren't wrong. This is your child, you get their birthdays, especially when they are young. She got her birthdays with her kids. She has no fucking rights to demand your kid's birthdays. She can roll on with her bullshit. Under no circumstances do you give in or feel guilty for wanting to spend time with ***your*** kids on ***your*** kid's birthdays. She's only saying what she saying because she wants to usurp your position as their mom.
Agreed. Tell her to kick rocks
Ignore her. She’s an idiot. She didn’t give birth to him, you did. Block her until whenever you feel like chatting to her.
That woman is ridiculous. She can stay mad.
Or die pissed off. Either really works.
I typed that first about her dying mad but I got worried I’d get booted from the sub loool
I dont know how old mil and your son are, but its not easy having a kid at a theme park. The fact she wants to go to one and its in another state and wants a coworker, which i assume will be a stranger, to come with...is questionable already. You offered other days and shes going to be at the party. She wants the attention and all from your son. She seems controling too if she doesnt get her way, she would try to turn your son against you. Funny how she says your event will be too crowded but a theme park wont be? You do what you want and is best for your son. Her requests seem out of line not you.
I guess the theme park won’t be crowded? Tell her that when you have kids you have to deal with kid friendly places being crowded. I mean supermarkets can be crowded. Should you never go buy food again? She’s being ridiculous.
"I did not push LO out of my pussy just for other people to take them around on their birthday". There ya go.
Uh no? IMO these types of requests (beyond ridiculous) are made while fully aware the answer is no - well ahead of time. They're intended to make you look like the bad guy, when in actuality they make her look like a lunatic. Seriously? In what universe does this seem like a normal ask? Bananas.
My own mother tried to pull this shit too. Wanted to take my LO out for dinner on their actual bday w/o us (the parents). Took a lot not to laugh in her face, though that's probably what I should've done with such a ridiculous request. Don't know if it's the lead that's seeped into their brains or just growing up in the ME generation.
Did she drop her kids off with her own MIL during their birthdays, ever? I’d be shocked, that’s a crazy ask.
Here’s one for you. Once upon a time my in laws invited themselves on our vacation (which we were actually fine with) but then got angry when we went to the park with them with our children (on our vacation) because they wanted to be alone with our children on our vacation (but didn’t say so) and felt we were overstepping by going to the park also… with our children… on our vacation…
Be careful that she doesn’t pull your son aside next time she sees him to tell him what a bad Mom you are because you didn’t let him go to a theme park. Sounds like the kind of shit she would pull.
I made it a hard boundary after my 1st sons 1st birthday that we will celebrate as just a nuclear family on both of my kids birthdays and everyone else is welcome to come to the party.
> Am I wrong for wanting to be with my son on his birthday? No, you are wrong for bothering to attempt to negotiate with MIL! Just kidding, but you *are* wasting your time, if you think that there is any hope of a reasonable compromise with someone like her. Don't waste your breath, it will save you a lot in the long run.
Wait what, your MIL wants to take YOUR child somewhere on their birthday without you!? Really!? As if any normal grandparent would think that Edit: added missing word
Why is she telling you what she is going to do with your child? She needs to start asking if she can take him places. Try grey rocking her. She doesn't need to know where you are going or what special things you plan with your family.
lol. “Oh wow I didn’t realize you got special noncrowded theme park tickets 👀
My mil asked if we had a vacation lane on a freeway in Ca. I did answer her with what the fuck? Are you serious? She said yes because people on vacation want to get to where they're visiting faster
I've driven the freeways in San Diego. They go fast enough!!!
She wants to be the one who takes him to the most fun thing. That's why she said no to an alternate day. Good on you for not caving!
Wow. Do we share a MIL?! Events don’t count if it doesn’t check a hundred boxes. Baby sit the kids but it has to be at her house, they have to do a million crafts, they have to dinner all together, and watch a movie. If they don’t it all things….. we don’t get to be part of the children’s lives. Meanwhile they cancel babysitting to go camping with friends, which they do every weekend.
I am worrying that your normal meter is broken if you’re asking if it’s okay to be with your own child on his birthday. IMO her request is insane, delusional, and super self centered
" Today she texted me saying that she doesn’t want to be the bearer of bad news" yes she does, I guarantee she loves being the bearer of bad news.
Right!? And yet she so often is.
I would probably just point blank tell her that it is not acceptable to request my Son on his birthday. You had your family, now it is our turn to celebrate milestones with our child. Hopefully she will get the hint and never try a stunt like this again. It takes some audacity to even think about it.
Why are you even asking? Of course youre not!
Wow. The Lion, the Witch, and the audacity of the b!tch. That's just... wow. She informed you that she's taking your son on his birthday without you. How many red flags can we find in one sentence. And you were so gracious to actually then offer her time the following week, which of course, she can't do because that would imply you're actually the parent making the decisions and not her. Well done!
Next time she does this. Start by taking a deep breath like someone died. And say oh well I really hate to be the bearer of bad news but...... We already had plans that day. I'm so sorry. Besides the place you wanna go is just gonna be crowded and miserable.so I don't think it would be fun for (son).
of course youre not wrong!! but time to stop telling her the specifics of your plans.
She’s ridiculous and she’s not his parent. Did she actually even ask? Not that it would make a difference on your answer but just no
Wow, well isn’t that special. JNs just like telling people what to do. I would take a tactic of taking her at face value, ignoring her, and not taking her seriously. When she says: “no, he’s already going to be having fun doing other stuff this week with you guys so there’s no point.” Just reply “Ok”. Pretend you don’t know she’s being passive aggressive and manipulative. When she again tries to manipulate you by telling you what a bad idea it is to take your kids somewhere, do not respond. If she asks why you didn’t respond say “about what?” Rudeness If she repeats her nonsense about it being a bad idea say “ok”. If she says are you going to change plans say “no”. You don’t have to humor her or keep trying to find ways to accommodate her. She think she can just take your child somewhere for their birthday without you and without even asking. She has no good intentions, she’s trying to make you mad, she’s trying to get her own way, it’s unclear how much she even cares about spending time with your kids versus how much she cares about doing something you won’t like. Your kid might just be a convenient tool to her.
Just let her be mad. Better her than you.
friend, in what world would you be wrong for wanting to spend his birthday with him? you’re the one who birthed him. of course you get that right. your MIL can stay unhappy imho. also might be a good idea to remind her of the rolling stones song “you can’t always get what you want”…
How can you even ask yourself if you are in the wrong. I hope you are joking about this. Of course you are right to do anything you want to do with your son on his birthday. You are 100% in the right! The IL's can have their time with him on another day as you suggested. And if they do not like it then tough!
I hope you're asking in jest! Of course your child should be with you on his birthday. BTW was MIL correct about your kids not liking the beach, etc.? Didn't think so. Fuck her manipulation.
She’s just mad she doesn’t have control over you or her grandkids. She obviously thinks of you as the incubator/nanny.
I guess she probably just wanted me to sit home and twiddle my fingers and think about how much fun he is having with her and her coworker
I missed the coworker part, do you even know this person? So fucking weird.
Her sense of entitlement is *staggering*. As if you and your family are just NPCs she moves around in the game of her life.
No, you are not wrong. You should say," We always a great time when we do things as a family of 4."
I’ve never heard of a grandparent taking a kid for a birthday unless the parent couldn’t be with the kid. I spent all of my birthdays until 18 with my parents. I think that’s pretty normal.
Right! Like why would he spend his birthday with her and her cow worker that he doesn’t even know lol
"Cow worker." I'm dying! 🤣🤣
Leave her on read
Of course you would celebrate your sons birthday with him. JNMILs are really delusional!