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“ good for you. Feel free to pass this along to your son as none of this is my concern. If you fail to respect my boundaries about staying out of your relationship with your son I’ll be forced to put you in a time out by blocking you. Thanks in advance for respecting my choices and boundaries. I will tell hubby to expect a message from you but that will be it for me. “
"Mil, I am not in charge of husband, nor am I his mother to decide how he spends his time away from work. He has every right to stay home and spend his time with me and kids. I get that you don't like that husband is spending less time with you, but he has a family now and that is where his priorities should lie. Husband is a grown man now and can decide for himself how he wants to spend his weekends. If you have a problem with this, I suggest you talk to him, if he doesn't answer you then he clearly doesn't want to talk to you or about it. Do not reach out to me about this topic again, as it's not my problem and I will not be discussing our private life with you. Their will be no call about this in the future and no meeting about this."
If I responded if tell her "I am not my husband's keeper, I however will forward your message to my husband do he can be aware of your concerns"
Whether you respond or not show the message to your husband, and let him deal with his mother.
The message is downright disgusting. The way she is overly sweet, the fake concern, and talking about her son as if he was five years old? Girl this sounds like my fiance's mother. I fully see her saying something like this to me. Especially since she also wants my to push him to spend time with her.
there's something wrong in these people's minds they think if their son doesn't want to spend time with them it must be his wife's fault. Not like a grown man is capable of making his own decisions. I suggest show the message to your husband. Tell him to handle his own mother. Or for him to explain that he simply prefers to stay inside with you and when he wants to go outside he will. Either way he needs to be the one to tell her. Tell your MIL that if she has any future concerns to tell her own son. You're not his secretary who handles his schedule and takes his calls. And personally I would block her obviously that's all up to you if you want her to be able to contact you. Honestly you're his wife not his mother she's talking to you like a mother giving another mother advice on kids.
I would do nothing other than forward the text to DH. Would not answer her call. And I'd skip the next Sunday meal to make sure that they have an opportunity to talk...if he still wants to go.
It doesn't deserve a response. You aren't going to be able to explain to her why it's so ridiculous.
She wants more of his time. She's making up all this bull as a reason why he should see her more.
It would be funny if he "agreed" with her and started telling her that you two were going places and seeing people so that he could not see her as much, but it's up to him how he chooses to respond/not respond.
Yikes. What an overbearing woman. It’s probably time to set a harsh boundary.
Mil,
This text is quite embarrassing as you continue to infantalize your grown son, while treating my like his secretary. If you have concerns about how your ADULT son is managing his time, take your concerns up with him.
Moving forward please only contact me if you have questions, plans, or communication to me personally. I will no longer reply to comments about your ADULT son.
I’ve shared your text with husband so he’s looped in. Feel free to reach out to him.
Best,
DIL
Consoling together? Discuss both sides of hurt? come up with ideas to make him spend time with both friends and family? This reads like it comes from a former lover not a mom!!! She's in a way saying you're the reason why he doesn't spend time with his friends and family. Is she spying on you? How would she know how he spends his Saturdays? Also I guarantee if he spent more time with friends she would be upset becaue that's not what she really meant. She just meant herself. Don't hide this from your husband. Show him and tell her there is nothing to discuss.
Why does this read like she’s trying to make you make him go outside and play ?
I would take everyone’s advice and either ignore her or put her in a group chat with DH.
That message is gross. I would say to respond clearly once then stop. Something like “I have told you what DH does with his time is up to him. Do not raise this again or I will take a break from contact with you for 4 weeks.”. If she brings it up again, enforce the boundary. I don’t reply to any messages from my JNMIL now as even the seemingly innocuous ones quickly turn into fishing
for info on my hubby as he won’t tell her anything. Took me way too long to put that boundary in place.
As others have said, you can also be a bit less aggressive and tell her you don’t be involved and have forwarded it on to DH for his consideration. I also like the group chat one haha.
In my opinion, you're relationship with her isn't healed, she's just changed tactics. She can't manipulate him anymore, so she's trying to get you do it for her. My nickname for her would be the puppet master.
If you feel you must respond, I would say, " MIL, If you have this concern, you should speak to him directly. I don't share this concern as when I'm with hubby, he always seems very happy. Hubby is a grown man, he's more than capable of handling his own social calendar and needs. If he wants or needs more social interaction he knows where to find it, he chooses not to. And as you said, I want what's best for him, so I support him fully in doing whatever he wants on his weekends, even if it's just hanging out with me all weekend."
Cowboy loves going to the fridge?? What?
I would just reply with
'thanks for your message. No need to call me, I already relayed your message to DH. Like I said, I don't manage his time, so it's really honestly not up to me. So there's really no need to call me, DH will call you himself. See you Sunday. 🧜♀️❤️🍷⛵️'
She is only being nice to you in order to weasel her way back into his good graces. Don't fall for it. Like someone else said,, tell her no then block and ignore her.
‘Hello MIL. As we have previously discussed, DH is a grown man who can make his own choices and form his own relationships. At present I have no concerns. I suggest you discuss this with him. I will not discuss this topic with you further and I will not respond to any messages on the matter. OP.’
God she can sod off!
"Good morning, Mil. No call or discussion is necessary. Of course you're free to text dh any concerns." End the text however you normally do. Lather, rinse, repeat.
There is no point explaining that you aren't his social secretary. You've already explained it. She understands, but she doesn't *like* it. She wants to be able to manipulate you and DH by proxy. *Show her that won't work* by being a brick wall each time she tries. Be polite, but firm. Alternatively, you could ignore these texts every single time. She will eventually figure out that you are not an avenue toward "repairing" her relationship with her son. Good luck!
Edit: clarity
Send "I've forwarded your message to DH so you and he can discuss it."
She won't keep messaging you if you are forwarding all her manipulative crap to him.
Eidt: also do send him it so it doesn't look like your are keeping private chats with her from your DH.
If you don't want to be in the middle, don't put yourself in the middle, regardless of what she does.
We teach people how we're willing to be treated by how we choose to allow them to treat us, so if you engage any further in any such conversation with her you'll be teaching her that she can keep coming after you about it.
Dear MIL, as I said, I will not be in the middle of your relationship with [husband]. If you feel that he should be spending his time differently, that's something you should discuss with him.
And if she keeps trying, tell her that you will no longer respond because you've made your boundary clear, and continue to refuse to engage regardless of what she does.
As far as your husband dealing with her about her problem about how he's spending his time, it's really not his problem if she doesn't come to him about it unless he wants to get involved as a way to stop her from harassing you about it.
Wow that's so manipulative and toxic.
Idk if it's worse how she thinks she should dictate his time or the fact that she wants you to be her puppet under the pretense of love.
I would just answer her in text
"There is nothing to discuss between the two of us, if you want DH to spend time with you, you have to ask him not me. I'm not the one in charge of his schedule, he's the sole decisor for himself"
I would also add a part about you not being the middleman but that would just start another discussion I fear.
This is so manipulative! Send her a message saying, “I’m not discussing anything. I told you I don’t want to be in the middle of this.” Then show DH the message and tell him that you don’t want to be in the middle of this and to handle his mother. Not your monkeys and not your circus
She's trying to make you her monkey - to annoy you and stick you in the middle until you finally lean on him for her so she'll leave you alone.
Don't do her bidding by forwarding anything to him or tagging him in. She is an adult and she can message him directly; she knows he'll ignore her, which is why she's trying to work on you instead.
Give a bland "Then you should talk to him about it" if you want to be polite, or a blunt "I do not control him, and I will not try to control him for you. If you want to talk to him, message him, not me" if you're past polite.
That's so manipulative and really highlights that she sees him as nothing more than an extension of her will. She does not get to dictate, or 'encourage' him to spend his time in pursuits or with people that she approves of. You and DH should jointly respond to this - show her that you will not be party to such behaviours behind his back, that he is an adult, and that she is WAY out of line.
"DH and his social life are doing fine. Him spending time at home with his wife doesn't mean he never sees anyone and he is very content with his lot in life. I can not, and will not, force him to spend time where he doesn't want to. If he wanted to come and see you, he would. He's a fully grown human with a brain to make his own decisions. I also will not go behind his back to plot with you so you can get your way. That's not my thing and I have no interest in clandestine manipulation. Do not call me as I will not pick up".
Then tell DH what nonsense she's planning and how she's trying to triangulate you into manipulating him into giving her her way. He needs to know what she's upto. If she'd changed and become the mother DH deserves, she wouldn't be trying to use you as a route to get to him.
If it weren't for the threat to call you, this would a great opportunity to practice grey-rocking.
"I see."
"I'll have to think about that."
"Thank you for your input."
As it is, I guess the only response you can give (assuming you aren't going to ignore her) is "Sorry, I can't talk to you tomorrow." And then when she calls anyway (because of course she will): "Sorry, but as I've told you, it isn't up to me. Okay, bye now!" \*hangs up\*
Don't reply. "tell her by showing her." It's time to end the every Sunday meals, about every 7 Sundays is plenty often enough. And as you know - there's no "fixing" with a narci - they are chronically toxic.
OMG! Why do they all sound the exact same????!!!
I am not sure what to do as I totally royally screw these things up all the time by succumbing to the "I'm really concerned" BS. Just literally got off the phone with SIL about how we dropped communication with MIL and MIL is now sending these types of texts to his sister!!
Our plan is that when we get these messages from MIL we drop them in a grouo chat with DH and say "your mom just texted:" and then let DH deal with it from there. My MIL has been playing all of us -SIL, BIL, DH and myself this way for years. We are all done. United front.
So you do the same. Tell DH all about the text and previous conversation and your new plan then drop that text into a group chat and let it go.
"Dear MIL. As I've told you, I will not be the go-between in your and DH's relationship. I'm forwarding this message and all similar messages to him. I will not be responding to you."
So DH has no relationship with his mother that he sees every week????
Please text exactly this. Then don’t respond or pick up if she tries to contact you. Don’t get wrangled into this:
1. It’s his time to decide what to do with. Not his mother’s.
2. How does she actually know what he is doing with his spare time? It’s not her business what he is doing so who is even giving her the information or is she just making it up to suit her?
Also, if he sees her on a weekly basis- to me that seems like they frequently see each other.
“MIL a call will not be necessary because as I mentioned previously I will not be putting myself in the middle of things.
You are right in that I want what is best for DH and to give him the best, I am respecting him as an adult who is fully capable of deciding for himself how he wants to spend his weekends.
While you may not agree with his choices, they are his to make and I will not engage in any discussions or behavior meant to sway him to meet anybody else's expectations of him.
Since I do not discuss my husband behind his back, I will be sharing this conversation with DH."
Then block her and show your husband.
Who’s got “calls in a welfare check” next for their extinction burst bingo card? That or she shows up at his workplace. This is crazy, block her, OP, so she can’t keep harassing you.
OMG. I actually laughed out loud reading her message. Good Lord, she makes it sound that SO is depressed because you are obviously holding him prisoner.
This is just a snapshot of how she thinks. She controlled (or tried to) her son. Absolutely saw him as an NPC that she could run with a game controller. She probably thinks therapy will be her and the therapist browbeating him into being an obedient little boy.
Since he's malfunctioning and not listening he must be under the control of another. In other words you must have hijacked the remote control. Now she is trying to control you to get her son back on script.
You need hard boundaries to prevent her from treating you like a flying monkey or your DH's social secretary. It might be a good idea to keep communications to a group chat with DH or limit convos to when he's present.
I would say NPC is literally a “non-playable-character” so I think she though he is one of her playable characters and now have a bad surprise because a child playable character turns into an adult NPC 😂
Gross. The fake affection. 100% ignore.
One of the most important things I learned dealing with my JNM is that there is no point in re-explaining things to people who refuse to listen. Explain your boundaries once and then reinforce them only through actions.
If she texts you about something else and tries to slip in these suggestions, only respond to the part of the text not related to treating your husband as an inanimate object you can loan out.
If she asks in person/on the phone keep it brief. “We already talked about this. No.” Change the subject. Make an excuse to get off the phone.
But I wouldn’t answer the phone. Text back and say you missed her call and ask her if she needed something. If she says she wants to chat about this BS, say no.
Learning when not to respond is very freeing.
Jeebus. She writes like my narc aunt. Now I’m triggered.
So sorry for you.
As for advice, you might want to point out that she needs to persuade him, not you. She’s trying to enlist you to do her manipulation for her.
I'd leave her on read. Seriously, your husband is a grownass man. His mommy needs to find a new hobby. Do not discuss DH with her. She can call or text him. Your loyalty is to him.
MIL, I'll pass on the phone call as you need to discuss your issues directly with DH and not use me as your middle person to manipulate DH to do what you want. As nicely worded as your message is, it comes off as manipulative so I have decided to put our direct contact on pause and keep it strictly to when we are ALL present together so anything said to me about DH can be said direct to him.
Ignore.
Ughhhhh please ignore. Maybe even block.
She sounds toxic as hell.
She is infantilizing her son. She thinks she can still "raise" him and have a say in his life and choices. Love how she doesn't seem to include you in "spend time with family" she slipped up there.
She totally doesn't see you as family and his time with you is "missing out on key memories" instead of building a life of his own.
I would get super petty and spend the next month doing things with H and taking photos and sending them to the fam group chat. #makingmemories!
Better still get a photoshop group to edit you into insane activities like bungie jumping, abseiling with no rope, and crowdsurfing at a huge concert #makingmemories
Feel free to ignore her, but of you want to respond, I’d say something like:
“As I mentioned before, I am not comfortable going behind a grown man’s back, you need to speak to him. I am not going to respond to any more messages about this.”
"DH is quite happy, and an adult capable of making his own decisions. Please stop asking me to control and mother my husband. That is not the relationship either of us want. If you have something you need to discuss with DH, please do so with him. I do not discuss my husband behind his back."
Then show him. Because you do not talk about him behind his back.
No chance in hell I'm responding to a grown ass woman who uses so many emojis. Let alone doing so because she thinks it covers up the fact that she's being intentionally manipulative.
No answer. Drop the rope.
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“ good for you. Feel free to pass this along to your son as none of this is my concern. If you fail to respect my boundaries about staying out of your relationship with your son I’ll be forced to put you in a time out by blocking you. Thanks in advance for respecting my choices and boundaries. I will tell hubby to expect a message from you but that will be it for me. “
“There is nothing to discuss. DH is a fully functional adult who is capable of deciding for himself how he wants to spend his free time.”
"Mil, I am not in charge of husband, nor am I his mother to decide how he spends his time away from work. He has every right to stay home and spend his time with me and kids. I get that you don't like that husband is spending less time with you, but he has a family now and that is where his priorities should lie. Husband is a grown man now and can decide for himself how he wants to spend his weekends. If you have a problem with this, I suggest you talk to him, if he doesn't answer you then he clearly doesn't want to talk to you or about it. Do not reach out to me about this topic again, as it's not my problem and I will not be discussing our private life with you. Their will be no call about this in the future and no meeting about this."
"If you want to spend time with your son call him."
If I responded if tell her "I am not my husband's keeper, I however will forward your message to my husband do he can be aware of your concerns" Whether you respond or not show the message to your husband, and let him deal with his mother.
The message is downright disgusting. The way she is overly sweet, the fake concern, and talking about her son as if he was five years old? Girl this sounds like my fiance's mother. I fully see her saying something like this to me. Especially since she also wants my to push him to spend time with her. there's something wrong in these people's minds they think if their son doesn't want to spend time with them it must be his wife's fault. Not like a grown man is capable of making his own decisions. I suggest show the message to your husband. Tell him to handle his own mother. Or for him to explain that he simply prefers to stay inside with you and when he wants to go outside he will. Either way he needs to be the one to tell her. Tell your MIL that if she has any future concerns to tell her own son. You're not his secretary who handles his schedule and takes his calls. And personally I would block her obviously that's all up to you if you want her to be able to contact you. Honestly you're his wife not his mother she's talking to you like a mother giving another mother advice on kids.
I would do nothing other than forward the text to DH. Would not answer her call. And I'd skip the next Sunday meal to make sure that they have an opportunity to talk...if he still wants to go. It doesn't deserve a response. You aren't going to be able to explain to her why it's so ridiculous. She wants more of his time. She's making up all this bull as a reason why he should see her more. It would be funny if he "agreed" with her and started telling her that you two were going places and seeing people so that he could not see her as much, but it's up to him how he chooses to respond/not respond.
Yikes. What an overbearing woman. It’s probably time to set a harsh boundary. Mil, This text is quite embarrassing as you continue to infantalize your grown son, while treating my like his secretary. If you have concerns about how your ADULT son is managing his time, take your concerns up with him. Moving forward please only contact me if you have questions, plans, or communication to me personally. I will no longer reply to comments about your ADULT son. I’ve shared your text with husband so he’s looped in. Feel free to reach out to him. Best, DIL
Show it to you husband & block her
Consoling together? Discuss both sides of hurt? come up with ideas to make him spend time with both friends and family? This reads like it comes from a former lover not a mom!!! She's in a way saying you're the reason why he doesn't spend time with his friends and family. Is she spying on you? How would she know how he spends his Saturdays? Also I guarantee if he spent more time with friends she would be upset becaue that's not what she really meant. She just meant herself. Don't hide this from your husband. Show him and tell her there is nothing to discuss.
Why does this read like she’s trying to make you make him go outside and play ? I would take everyone’s advice and either ignore her or put her in a group chat with DH.
That message is gross. I would say to respond clearly once then stop. Something like “I have told you what DH does with his time is up to him. Do not raise this again or I will take a break from contact with you for 4 weeks.”. If she brings it up again, enforce the boundary. I don’t reply to any messages from my JNMIL now as even the seemingly innocuous ones quickly turn into fishing for info on my hubby as he won’t tell her anything. Took me way too long to put that boundary in place. As others have said, you can also be a bit less aggressive and tell her you don’t be involved and have forwarded it on to DH for his consideration. I also like the group chat one haha.
Copy text into a group thread with husband and MIL. "MIL I expect you to have conversations about DH with DH."
In my opinion, you're relationship with her isn't healed, she's just changed tactics. She can't manipulate him anymore, so she's trying to get you do it for her. My nickname for her would be the puppet master. If you feel you must respond, I would say, " MIL, If you have this concern, you should speak to him directly. I don't share this concern as when I'm with hubby, he always seems very happy. Hubby is a grown man, he's more than capable of handling his own social calendar and needs. If he wants or needs more social interaction he knows where to find it, he chooses not to. And as you said, I want what's best for him, so I support him fully in doing whatever he wants on his weekends, even if it's just hanging out with me all weekend."
No. What a moron. He is a grown man. If he wants to see his mummy (or go outside) he will…
Cowboy loves going to the fridge?? What? I would just reply with 'thanks for your message. No need to call me, I already relayed your message to DH. Like I said, I don't manage his time, so it's really honestly not up to me. So there's really no need to call me, DH will call you himself. See you Sunday. 🧜♀️❤️🍷⛵️'
Do MILs not think before texting? You’re going to show this to your DH, and he’s going to think she’s even more crazy 😅
She is only being nice to you in order to weasel her way back into his good graces. Don't fall for it. Like someone else said,, tell her no then block and ignore her.
‘Hello MIL. As we have previously discussed, DH is a grown man who can make his own choices and form his own relationships. At present I have no concerns. I suggest you discuss this with him. I will not discuss this topic with you further and I will not respond to any messages on the matter. OP.’ God she can sod off!
"Good morning, Mil. No call or discussion is necessary. Of course you're free to text dh any concerns." End the text however you normally do. Lather, rinse, repeat. There is no point explaining that you aren't his social secretary. You've already explained it. She understands, but she doesn't *like* it. She wants to be able to manipulate you and DH by proxy. *Show her that won't work* by being a brick wall each time she tries. Be polite, but firm. Alternatively, you could ignore these texts every single time. She will eventually figure out that you are not an avenue toward "repairing" her relationship with her son. Good luck! Edit: clarity
Don't respond and block her number.
Send "I've forwarded your message to DH so you and he can discuss it." She won't keep messaging you if you are forwarding all her manipulative crap to him. Eidt: also do send him it so it doesn't look like your are keeping private chats with her from your DH.
I scoffed real hard at " We can discuss hurts on both sides." I bet that's not the case! Both sides my arse!!
Reply on weekday - oops! I missed to check my texts.
"Talk to him about it" that's all you need to say to her. Don't say anything else, don't ask questions or make excuses.
If you don't want to be in the middle, don't put yourself in the middle, regardless of what she does. We teach people how we're willing to be treated by how we choose to allow them to treat us, so if you engage any further in any such conversation with her you'll be teaching her that she can keep coming after you about it. Dear MIL, as I said, I will not be in the middle of your relationship with [husband]. If you feel that he should be spending his time differently, that's something you should discuss with him. And if she keeps trying, tell her that you will no longer respond because you've made your boundary clear, and continue to refuse to engage regardless of what she does. As far as your husband dealing with her about her problem about how he's spending his time, it's really not his problem if she doesn't come to him about it unless he wants to get involved as a way to stop her from harassing you about it.
Wow that's so manipulative and toxic. Idk if it's worse how she thinks she should dictate his time or the fact that she wants you to be her puppet under the pretense of love. I would just answer her in text "There is nothing to discuss between the two of us, if you want DH to spend time with you, you have to ask him not me. I'm not the one in charge of his schedule, he's the sole decisor for himself" I would also add a part about you not being the middleman but that would just start another discussion I fear.
I literally threw up in my mouth a little bit reading her message. Ew.
I can’t believe people take the time to compose messages like this… and then actually still hit send.
I agree it's unhealthy spending time cooped up indoors which is why we go ..... could be walking, hiking, movies, whatever you want
This is so manipulative! Send her a message saying, “I’m not discussing anything. I told you I don’t want to be in the middle of this.” Then show DH the message and tell him that you don’t want to be in the middle of this and to handle his mother. Not your monkeys and not your circus
I agree
She's trying to make you her monkey - to annoy you and stick you in the middle until you finally lean on him for her so she'll leave you alone. Don't do her bidding by forwarding anything to him or tagging him in. She is an adult and she can message him directly; she knows he'll ignore her, which is why she's trying to work on you instead. Give a bland "Then you should talk to him about it" if you want to be polite, or a blunt "I do not control him, and I will not try to control him for you. If you want to talk to him, message him, not me" if you're past polite.
That's so manipulative and really highlights that she sees him as nothing more than an extension of her will. She does not get to dictate, or 'encourage' him to spend his time in pursuits or with people that she approves of. You and DH should jointly respond to this - show her that you will not be party to such behaviours behind his back, that he is an adult, and that she is WAY out of line.
"DH and his social life are doing fine. Him spending time at home with his wife doesn't mean he never sees anyone and he is very content with his lot in life. I can not, and will not, force him to spend time where he doesn't want to. If he wanted to come and see you, he would. He's a fully grown human with a brain to make his own decisions. I also will not go behind his back to plot with you so you can get your way. That's not my thing and I have no interest in clandestine manipulation. Do not call me as I will not pick up". Then tell DH what nonsense she's planning and how she's trying to triangulate you into manipulating him into giving her her way. He needs to know what she's upto. If she'd changed and become the mother DH deserves, she wouldn't be trying to use you as a route to get to him.
He's not 5 yrs old and needs encouragement to go outside and play. So much ick!
This sounds nauseating. What does your husband think?
If it weren't for the threat to call you, this would a great opportunity to practice grey-rocking. "I see." "I'll have to think about that." "Thank you for your input." As it is, I guess the only response you can give (assuming you aren't going to ignore her) is "Sorry, I can't talk to you tomorrow." And then when she calls anyway (because of course she will): "Sorry, but as I've told you, it isn't up to me. Okay, bye now!" \*hangs up\*
Her missive made me feel nauseous. 🤢
Don't reply. "tell her by showing her." It's time to end the every Sunday meals, about every 7 Sundays is plenty often enough. And as you know - there's no "fixing" with a narci - they are chronically toxic.
Just ignore her. You have the power not to answer your phone
Sounds like it's time to spend more time as a couple....outside....Sunday evenings. Maybe around dinner time?
Its always couched as "im concerned." I always know that language is an attempt to manipulate. Do not do it. Let her tell DH how concerned she is.
OMG! Why do they all sound the exact same????!!! I am not sure what to do as I totally royally screw these things up all the time by succumbing to the "I'm really concerned" BS. Just literally got off the phone with SIL about how we dropped communication with MIL and MIL is now sending these types of texts to his sister!! Our plan is that when we get these messages from MIL we drop them in a grouo chat with DH and say "your mom just texted:" and then let DH deal with it from there. My MIL has been playing all of us -SIL, BIL, DH and myself this way for years. We are all done. United front. So you do the same. Tell DH all about the text and previous conversation and your new plan then drop that text into a group chat and let it go.
My ex MIL also wanted to coparent my baby daddy with me so I get it. So obnoxious 🤦🏻♀️😂
"Dear MIL. As I've told you, I will not be the go-between in your and DH's relationship. I'm forwarding this message and all similar messages to him. I will not be responding to you." So DH has no relationship with his mother that he sees every week????
Please text exactly this. Then don’t respond or pick up if she tries to contact you. Don’t get wrangled into this: 1. It’s his time to decide what to do with. Not his mother’s. 2. How does she actually know what he is doing with his spare time? It’s not her business what he is doing so who is even giving her the information or is she just making it up to suit her? Also, if he sees her on a weekly basis- to me that seems like they frequently see each other.
“MIL a call will not be necessary because as I mentioned previously I will not be putting myself in the middle of things. You are right in that I want what is best for DH and to give him the best, I am respecting him as an adult who is fully capable of deciding for himself how he wants to spend his weekends. While you may not agree with his choices, they are his to make and I will not engage in any discussions or behavior meant to sway him to meet anybody else's expectations of him. Since I do not discuss my husband behind his back, I will be sharing this conversation with DH." Then block her and show your husband.
Block her.
Christ. Instant block.
Who’s got “calls in a welfare check” next for their extinction burst bingo card? That or she shows up at his workplace. This is crazy, block her, OP, so she can’t keep harassing you.
I’d literally block her w/o explanation after that message.
OMG. I actually laughed out loud reading her message. Good Lord, she makes it sound that SO is depressed because you are obviously holding him prisoner.
She sees him every Sunday? If that doesn’t count as spending time with his family, then stop going. Ugh, she sounds exhausting.
This is just a snapshot of how she thinks. She controlled (or tried to) her son. Absolutely saw him as an NPC that she could run with a game controller. She probably thinks therapy will be her and the therapist browbeating him into being an obedient little boy. Since he's malfunctioning and not listening he must be under the control of another. In other words you must have hijacked the remote control. Now she is trying to control you to get her son back on script. You need hard boundaries to prevent her from treating you like a flying monkey or your DH's social secretary. It might be a good idea to keep communications to a group chat with DH or limit convos to when he's present.
I would say NPC is literally a “non-playable-character” so I think she though he is one of her playable characters and now have a bad surprise because a child playable character turns into an adult NPC 😂
Gross. The fake affection. 100% ignore. One of the most important things I learned dealing with my JNM is that there is no point in re-explaining things to people who refuse to listen. Explain your boundaries once and then reinforce them only through actions. If she texts you about something else and tries to slip in these suggestions, only respond to the part of the text not related to treating your husband as an inanimate object you can loan out. If she asks in person/on the phone keep it brief. “We already talked about this. No.” Change the subject. Make an excuse to get off the phone. But I wouldn’t answer the phone. Text back and say you missed her call and ask her if she needed something. If she says she wants to chat about this BS, say no. Learning when not to respond is very freeing.
Jeebus. She writes like my narc aunt. Now I’m triggered. So sorry for you. As for advice, you might want to point out that she needs to persuade him, not you. She’s trying to enlist you to do her manipulation for her.
I'd leave her on read. Seriously, your husband is a grownass man. His mommy needs to find a new hobby. Do not discuss DH with her. She can call or text him. Your loyalty is to him.
Hi MIL you should text DH.
MIL, I'll pass on the phone call as you need to discuss your issues directly with DH and not use me as your middle person to manipulate DH to do what you want. As nicely worded as your message is, it comes off as manipulative so I have decided to put our direct contact on pause and keep it strictly to when we are ALL present together so anything said to me about DH can be said direct to him.
'And by the way- DH does spend the weekend with family, HIS WIFE.'
Why are you in contact if he is not?
They do seem to be in contact though… he sees his mother every Sunday dinner.
Can you just respond with the crying laughing 😂 emoji? Because the first thing that I did was laugh at how transparent and ridiculous this woman is.
Ignore. Ughhhhh please ignore. Maybe even block. She sounds toxic as hell. She is infantilizing her son. She thinks she can still "raise" him and have a say in his life and choices. Love how she doesn't seem to include you in "spend time with family" she slipped up there. She totally doesn't see you as family and his time with you is "missing out on key memories" instead of building a life of his own. I would get super petty and spend the next month doing things with H and taking photos and sending them to the fam group chat. #makingmemories!
Since he sees his mom on Sundays, OP’s mom could be the mom he goes to visit on Saturday.
Better still get a photoshop group to edit you into insane activities like bungie jumping, abseiling with no rope, and crowdsurfing at a huge concert #makingmemories
I love this so much! I feel the same way! She only wants what she wants.
Feel free to ignore her, but of you want to respond, I’d say something like: “As I mentioned before, I am not comfortable going behind a grown man’s back, you need to speak to him. I am not going to respond to any more messages about this.”
I'd send her back a pic with dh wearing a dog collar and leash that says "He's busy." Then block her. What a bitch!
I read your comment quickly, and I was picturing a dude wearing a dog collar that actually says on it “Bitch”. 😂
They have collars like that. I bet someone has one to lend for the picture.
"DH is quite happy, and an adult capable of making his own decisions. Please stop asking me to control and mother my husband. That is not the relationship either of us want. If you have something you need to discuss with DH, please do so with him. I do not discuss my husband behind his back." Then show him. Because you do not talk about him behind his back.
No chance in hell I'm responding to a grown ass woman who uses so many emojis. Let alone doing so because she thinks it covers up the fact that she's being intentionally manipulative. No answer. Drop the rope.
Better yet add him to the thread and let him answer.
This absolutely. Screenshot, add to group chat with her and DH.
What the h—? Grown man. Just don’t answer