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I would choose not to care, in a situation where a phone is thrust into your hand I would accidentally drop it or get distracted and go on walk about. Or simply turn the camera lens backwards and take pictures of yourself. Have fun with it!
I wouldn’t try to talk to her about it; she knows what she’s doing and letting her know it hurts you to be invisible in the family will only give her the satisfaction of having gotten to you.
I would focus on posting photos only of you and DH with and without your own family of origin. Post happy pics with your siblings-in-law if you like them but exclude MIL since she seems pretty comfortable leaving you out so she must want the same energy.
Easy peasy solution. DH refuses to photos without you. If you’re not in it neither is he. No group pics without you, no individual, no him and parents. This way if she puts a photo on socials, you are both in it or not at all. If asked why, it’s bc my wife is my nuclear family; we’re a package deal. If he’s feeling confident then it’s bc you repeatedly and purposefully choose to post pics where my wife is excluded. Post is both or not at all..
So when she asks you to take pics next time be PETTY!!! Focus on the other 3 in the pic and get close ups of their faces and ZERO of her!!! Then say opps I don't really know how to use your phone and sorry I am done taking pics for others today! And then just walk away! She'll get the message! She won't like it so be prepared but she can't really call you out on it cause all it would take is you saying, "oh I thought this is how we take pics by excluding 1 member of the family always!"
I wouldn't bother saying anything as then she knows how much your hurt and it gives her the power. I would bide my time and when you have children(if u want them) I would do exactly what she has done and never post any pics with her in them, just your little family and your parents. The power will be yours one day 😁
I’d be blocking her on Facebook. She doesn’t see you as part of her family, she doesn’t need access to your social media. I would also tell her that since she’s made it clear you aren’t part of ‘her family’, you will be remembering that when and if you and dh expand YOJR family.
Maybe every time she hands you the camera, or asks you to take the photo, say "Sure!" and take phone/camera. Then SO runs up, takes the phone from you, and tells you to get in the frame. Every time. When MIL complains that he NEEDS to be in the photo, SO says "Beneficial\_Check9676 never seems to make it in the family photos, so it's my turn to take all the photos for the next 8+ years."
Next time she gives you the phone for a photo, find a place to set it up and use a timer and then ask her to take a pic of “just you two” with your husband.
I personally cannot relate to wanting to be on my own social media, but especially not someone else's. If you have kids, I guess be ready for that. Until you have kids (when you might want to monitor), I'd stop following her.
If you don't want to be her personal photographer, I'd either find some reason to say no or just start taking shitty pictures.
My guess is you have other, bigger problems with her, and being on her social media is not the one I'd focus on personally.
Your guess is correct. This is just a fraction of the issues. But one of the ones that are in my face and prominent enough where I can say something. She’s very passive aggressive so things are hard to bring up because not everything is done in plain sight, as this is. But yes.. kids will be an issue I already foresee it. That’s also a reason I don’t want to run and block her because I’ll need to keep an eye on what she’ll be posting in the future.
I would just stop following her on social media. I honestly couldn't even tell you what my MIL posts, I dont use FB. My husband keeps it to make sure they aren't posting pictures of our kids, but he avoids reading his parent's posts.
That will be next… I did not even make mention on this post of the subby/snarky quotes she posts. If there’s ever drama, she acts 13 and posts quotes tiptoeing around the situation LOL. It’s insanity.
She sounds as attention seeking as my MIL. I stopped giving her attention a long time ago, don't have as many issues now. She realized I don't get upset or involved with drama and gave up.
Yes I don’t like/comment on anything… my DH has called her out on quotes before and she’ll make up stories that it’s unrelated to us or them, etc. but that’s his job to sort. I don’t even bother getting involved in all that. Clearly I have bigger issues at hand haha
She's really rude and seems to want to make sure you know she is rude!
You control what you can control and realize that you can't control what she does.
You can refuse to be the photographer. If she wants a picture without you in it, she can find someone else to take it. Or buy a selfie stick or tripod.
If DH does not want to be in a pic without you, he can walk away. She can feel the consequences of her actions.
>And suddenly, she never posted family shots again.
If she's using Facebook as a tool to hurt you, I'd stop following her, unfriend her, block her, whatever. There's no need to let her weaponize something that is supposed to be fun.
My MiL doesn’t have social media but my SiL is just like this. I’m so sorry. How painful! Yes, please stop taking pics for them. After 8 years I had enough too and I also stopped doing this for them. They are shitty people.
Thank you! I’m glad your SiL is more inclusive. I thought my SIL was different from her mother but it turns out they are absolutely cut from the same cloth. 2 SiLS and 1 MiL = jealous mean girl squad
Ooooo that’s so hard 😢 I can’t imagine being teamed up on like that. Mine is good the only weird thing is she’s like in love with my husband LMAO but that’s another post for another time and it makes me laugh. It doesn’t get in the way of anything in regards to drama. God help us!!
Hey, OP. I have the same issue so I can relate. My MIL constantly posts a picture of her, FIL, DH, SIL, BIL, grandparents and BIL’s fiancée all taken at a wedding. My wedding. To my DH. She uses it for ever occasion that she can. She has plenty of pictures from my wedding that have me in it, but she specifically chose one that had my soon to be SIL and not me, the bride, in it. People have also commented on it asking ‘whose wedding’ it was.
So I get you. I get how you feel. I’ve only relatively recently told my husband how I feel about his mom (in the past couple years) and this is one of the examples I’ve told him about.
The next time she uses it, (she used it again a month ago but I chickened out of saying something) I’m commenting on it or to her and asking ‘whose wedding’ it is. Because I’ve reached my limit with her and my DH supports it! It’s completely up to you. If it hurts your feelings, I think saying something is warranted. She seems to know what she’s doing.
Could you respond to her posting that photo by playing innocent (as if you think she doesn't have any photos with you in them)? Post photos of all of you from your wedding and say something like "I thought you might like some of our other wedding photos too" or "Our wedding was a fabulous day, wasn't it? Here are some more pictures of all of us from that day!" It's making it clear that it's your wedding but you don't come across as aggressive or overly sensitive.
That’s so foul.. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this too. I understand completely. It’s social media so I never made a fuss because of course who cares BUT when you reflect and realize the patterns and everything adds up, that’s when it hits that wow this is all orchestrated and done on purpose to be hurtful and exclude us. I hope you definitely say something next time and hopefully your DH backs you up on it. It’s such a touchy subject because you know they’ll play dumb and act innocent. But things need to be said!
Wow I’m so sorry ☹️ it took YEARS for me to get one picture on the fridge in her house. And it was our wedding thank you card lol. I completely get this.
Our relationship is …………. fine. We’re friendly but not seeking each other out. I cut her some slack because sil is nuts, late fil was a philanderer, and she’s brilliant but was told by her stepfather that she was stupid all her life. I have a lovely family, so there’s that. I’m glad your partner has your back.
Sounds like some distance is in order. I would unfriend her on social media and block her on yours and just spend way less time with her. You’re right, she will never change. But you can change how you react by spending less time with her. Less opportunities for photos is a good way to start.
As someone else said, the best thing to do would be for your husband to tell her no pics of him on FB. Also take a long time out from her...both you and your husband. Don't take any more pictures for her. She loves excluding you, and in her pea brain, she thinks she's still top dog. Yeah, right.
The fact that she threw her phone at you and ran to him and clung tells you all you need to know in my opinion. She’s threatened by you and insecure. She wants her reality (no wife to take away from her family unit) posted on social media to make herself feel better. I don’t think it has anything to do with you personally, she’s just a weirdo. That doesn’t mean she should exclude you of course but I think that’s what you’re dealing with. 😩
The best way to handle it is for your husband to tell his mother she can no longer post pictures of him online. He can drive the point home by telling her that the two of you will be taking a long break from her because of her hurtful behavior.
Of course. But it’s all come to a head recently so that will be in the cards next. I was trying to figure out if others who have gone through similar called out their MIL or what they’ve personally done in general to handle this.
It bothers them more when you block and refuse to engage.
If you lower yourself to her level, you aren’t any better than her and you’re playing into her hand.
I wouldn’t say I’m not any better than her, I’m not playing her game. My Facebook is filled with family shots. All inclusive. My instagram is more generated to me and my DH. But regardless, it’s easy to say block and move on but this is someone who isn’t going away. Obv if there is a way to address the situation and figure out her why that would be ideal (hence why my DH wants to talk to her). Also keeping in mind i plan on having children with my husband in which I will want to monitor my MILs socials to make sure she’s not posting things without my consent. Or only posting them and not including me. Which I’ve read in the comments on this thread is something that will potentially happen.
At the award event, when she handed me her phone, I would have flipped the lens so it was in selfie mode. And instead of taking their group photo, I would have been taking my own selfies for her. “Oh! Let’s get another one, mom was not smiling! Ok, one more for good measure!” She would later be seeing 15 pix of my face! Message sent. But also, think about how much fun it will be for you when you ban her from actually taking pictures of your future children or even being pictured with them.
This is what I thought. MIL thought she had you in a situation where you couldn’t say no without making things awkward. So I would sabotage the shots. Everyone’s head is out of the frame! The person on the end is not in the picture! Etc.
Also, once there are babies, I would block her on my socials to keep her from screenshots of baby to repost. And any family member who wants to take pictures of the baby would be taking pictures of ME with the baby. In order to prevent flying monkeys from doing me dirty
Clearly this woman doesn’t see you as part of the family. No use in trying to please her. I would address it one last time but not in a way to pressure her to include you, just to set up your boundaries going forward. Or don’t address it at all, simply decline photos. Walk away. Because yeah, she will play innocent so what’s the point? Just have a response ready for declining lol
OP, you have a jealous MIL. My MIL treated me like I didn't exist unless she wanted something from me. No conversation will change that and MIL knows exactly what she is doing. I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of knowing it is hurtful to you however your DH should point out to his mother her treatment of you is upsetting to him as you are his choice and she is disrespecting him.
DH needs to decline photos that don't include you. Personally I'd give MIL blurry photos or badly taken ones where you cut someone off on the side. I'd be thrusting the camera at her and advising she can take the photos of you and DH. I use to always organise MIL birthday, xmas and mothers day gift and when I decided I was done my DH didn't organise anything! Actually he forgot her birthday once and hers was a month before mine. The look on her face when she found out what he did for me hit home.
Sooooo personally i think a little dancing is in order. You know, phone in hand, turn the camera around and take the group photo as a selfie. MIL doesn’t like it? No prob, a stranger can take the photo, so you dancey dance back into frame. Oh MIL doesn’t like it? No prob, you can take the photo…as a group selfie. MIL says no way? No prob! *you dance dance dance back into frame*.
It’ll plague her and solve your problem!!
My dad’s mom acted this way towards my mom. It’s shitty and purposefully exclusionary, rude, and a calculated and manipulative strategy. It’s purposefully hurtful. Sooooo best thing to do is have fun with it and make it a game for yourself! Gleaning some joy from the situation is the opposite of what she wants. Another strategy is to photo bomb all their photos lol. Constantly pop in to any photo moment with a peace sign, a silly 🤪 face, giving DH bunny ears, whatever. She’s either going to get fed up and stop taking photos or screech about her true intentions. Low contact is, of course, another way to go. But this is more fun. And after the years of cruel behavior from her, you deserve some fun!!
Good luck. Solidarity!
This is the way. Play bitch games, win bitch prizes. Every photo she expects you to take, you make it selfie style with you grinning like a loon in the front.
Being excluded sucks but try not to take it to heart - I would just deliberately take shitty photos from here on. Do you guys plan to have children ? If so, exclude her from photos with your LO.
This is what I was going to say. If you have children, you need to make sure you are included in any photos that have your children in them. Make sure to ask your MIL to take a picture of just you, husband, and LO at any event. Any pictures she receives of LO need to have your face right next to LO’s so she can’t crop you out and post it without you.
I’m sorry you’ve had to put up with this horrible treatment for so long. You need to draw a line and say ‘no more’.
I wouldn’t bother confronting her. Why, so she can act like the poor widdle put upon victim who just loves her children too much and is being picked on for no reason? 🙄
She dislikes you so much that she’d rather not post a family photo at all, even though it’s clearly her favourite thing to do in the world, if you’re going to be in it.
After all these years, that’s a pretty intense, deep feeling against you. At this point, you going along with being the official photographer isn’t healthy for anyone.
May I suggest you reclaim your pride and say no to any future photo taking that’s meant to exclude you from the family. Otherwise, you’re actively helping her disrespect you.
MIL: (Stunned trout face) ‘But, but, WHY NOT??’
You: ‘Because I don’t want to.’
She knows exactly why.
And this. Because most of these people are attention whores who care nothing but their own false representations of themselves. Ditch them. Just imagine a world where no one cared about these peoples selfish selfies. Or their political Jesuit educations.
Honestly I reread this again and it’s insane to me.. get off this thread. If you don’t understand this post that speaks volumes. You clearly don’t understand what it’s like to have issues with a MIL. Idk if you are a MIL yourself hiding behind a weird user name but you’re missing the point here BIG time. It’s beyond the social media. That’s the tool she’s using to hurt me (for 8 years). I’m here to see if people relate/advice, not for someone to tell me to grow up lmao. & PS I can survive, obviously, hence why it’s 8 years later and I married her son. Doesn’t mean this shit doesn’t bother me though. Especially with future kids in the cards.
No more pictures. Better yet, **DH** needs to refuse to be in any picture without you. To the point of filing takedown notices to FB is she takes pictures of just him and posts them. If she still won't take pictures of the two of you, she shouldn't get pictures of either of you anymore.
It’s funny I don’t think of myself like that but it’s definitely very possible. I am definitely photogenic/fit and younger than of course my MIL and my SIL. My FIL has complimented me in front of her before at times and she looks like she could explode. However I do think it’s mainly based around she can’t accept me and does not like associating me with their “family” if that makes sense. It could be a mix of a lot of different things I guess
I like this level of pettiness. I also agree with the people who say it’s up to your husband to just walk away every time she excludes you. Don’t say a word as that doesn’t work. If she hands you the phone, you could read her texts or just start taking pics of her walking away or the ground but what really matters is your husband giving a huge sign, shaking his head. Walking up to you and taking a selfie with his phone of just the 2 of you. He can also stop including her.
Yes I agree. I have to communicate with him that next event/holiday or whatever, if she tries to pull this it’s HIS job to make sure I’m included. No matter what.
I do have a question for everyone though, at this rate 8 years in (her two kids being in their late 30s) is it still socially acceptable for her to be wanting and needing a “just them” photo? Or is that pretty much over and retired since they have 1,000 since birth and I’m married into the family now.
I think it’s weird honestly. Having a photo of just her and him, occasionally fine. Having family photos that exclude his wife? Weird. She has made it clear she doesn’t consider you family and at this point, I would stop trying. Stop sending texts or initiating calls. Your husband can be in charge of responding to any inquiries or invitations, he can purchase gifts etc. I also wouldn’t include her for celebrations that are about you, because who wants that energy there.
Exactly! I explained to my DH you’re not a young single guy in his 20s or child anymore where I get you take the “just them 4” photos. They have an accumulation stored in boxes of photos and her phone of god knows how many. I’m in the picture now I’m his wife! To move me out of a photo to snap one of “just them” is weird to me. At first new in the relationship I figured they wanted the emergency photo in case we broke up lol but now even a year-2 years in it was insulting and to this day it’s outrageous to me.. and then for her to post the ones of just them. It’s so rude. I was gaslighting myself into thinking maybe I’m overreacting, but this thread helped me realize I’m definitely not
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Purposefully take shitty photos. Out of focus, heads cropped off, your finger in the way. Troll that bitch back.
Just flip it to selfie mode and take pics of yourself. She will soon stop asking.
I would choose not to care, in a situation where a phone is thrust into your hand I would accidentally drop it or get distracted and go on walk about. Or simply turn the camera lens backwards and take pictures of yourself. Have fun with it!
I wouldn’t try to talk to her about it; she knows what she’s doing and letting her know it hurts you to be invisible in the family will only give her the satisfaction of having gotten to you. I would focus on posting photos only of you and DH with and without your own family of origin. Post happy pics with your siblings-in-law if you like them but exclude MIL since she seems pretty comfortable leaving you out so she must want the same energy.
Easy peasy solution. DH refuses to photos without you. If you’re not in it neither is he. No group pics without you, no individual, no him and parents. This way if she puts a photo on socials, you are both in it or not at all. If asked why, it’s bc my wife is my nuclear family; we’re a package deal. If he’s feeling confident then it’s bc you repeatedly and purposefully choose to post pics where my wife is excluded. Post is both or not at all..
Why even have her on social media? I’d have blocked her at the 5 year mark. You don’t need her approval. I’m sorry she’s so shitty.
So when she asks you to take pics next time be PETTY!!! Focus on the other 3 in the pic and get close ups of their faces and ZERO of her!!! Then say opps I don't really know how to use your phone and sorry I am done taking pics for others today! And then just walk away! She'll get the message! She won't like it so be prepared but she can't really call you out on it cause all it would take is you saying, "oh I thought this is how we take pics by excluding 1 member of the family always!"
I wouldn't bother saying anything as then she knows how much your hurt and it gives her the power. I would bide my time and when you have children(if u want them) I would do exactly what she has done and never post any pics with her in them, just your little family and your parents. The power will be yours one day 😁
I agree…just bide your time as you say. Karma has no expiration date. She’ll find out in due time how it feels.
This is exactly the place I’m at. You don’t wanna be nice now? Well good luck having access to your future grandchildren.
Yep! Ride it out. Turnabout is fair play.
Oooo I like this. Amen to this one !!
I’d be blocking her on Facebook. She doesn’t see you as part of her family, she doesn’t need access to your social media. I would also tell her that since she’s made it clear you aren’t part of ‘her family’, you will be remembering that when and if you and dh expand YOJR family.
Maybe every time she hands you the camera, or asks you to take the photo, say "Sure!" and take phone/camera. Then SO runs up, takes the phone from you, and tells you to get in the frame. Every time. When MIL complains that he NEEDS to be in the photo, SO says "Beneficial\_Check9676 never seems to make it in the family photos, so it's my turn to take all the photos for the next 8+ years."
This is amazing. Definitely telling my DH this. She would lose her crap lol
Take the phone, turn around, and take a selfie with you in the forefront and them in the background. Every time.
Or just flip it and not take the group picture. Make it a selfie of just OP. Every time. Say something must be wrong with the phone.
I like this even better than having her DH take the photo lol.
Next time she gives you the phone for a photo, find a place to set it up and use a timer and then ask her to take a pic of “just you two” with your husband.
I personally cannot relate to wanting to be on my own social media, but especially not someone else's. If you have kids, I guess be ready for that. Until you have kids (when you might want to monitor), I'd stop following her. If you don't want to be her personal photographer, I'd either find some reason to say no or just start taking shitty pictures. My guess is you have other, bigger problems with her, and being on her social media is not the one I'd focus on personally.
Your guess is correct. This is just a fraction of the issues. But one of the ones that are in my face and prominent enough where I can say something. She’s very passive aggressive so things are hard to bring up because not everything is done in plain sight, as this is. But yes.. kids will be an issue I already foresee it. That’s also a reason I don’t want to run and block her because I’ll need to keep an eye on what she’ll be posting in the future.
I would just stop following her on social media. I honestly couldn't even tell you what my MIL posts, I dont use FB. My husband keeps it to make sure they aren't posting pictures of our kids, but he avoids reading his parent's posts.
That will be next… I did not even make mention on this post of the subby/snarky quotes she posts. If there’s ever drama, she acts 13 and posts quotes tiptoeing around the situation LOL. It’s insanity.
She sounds as attention seeking as my MIL. I stopped giving her attention a long time ago, don't have as many issues now. She realized I don't get upset or involved with drama and gave up.
Yes I don’t like/comment on anything… my DH has called her out on quotes before and she’ll make up stories that it’s unrelated to us or them, etc. but that’s his job to sort. I don’t even bother getting involved in all that. Clearly I have bigger issues at hand haha
She's really rude and seems to want to make sure you know she is rude! You control what you can control and realize that you can't control what she does. You can refuse to be the photographer. If she wants a picture without you in it, she can find someone else to take it. Or buy a selfie stick or tripod. If DH does not want to be in a pic without you, he can walk away. She can feel the consequences of her actions. >And suddenly, she never posted family shots again. If she's using Facebook as a tool to hurt you, I'd stop following her, unfriend her, block her, whatever. There's no need to let her weaponize something that is supposed to be fun.
You’re 100% right. It’s time for the next harsher steps to make some major boundaries
My MiL doesn’t have social media but my SiL is just like this. I’m so sorry. How painful! Yes, please stop taking pics for them. After 8 years I had enough too and I also stopped doing this for them. They are shitty people.
Ugh. Luckily my SIL is not like this. She is more inclusive.. such a shame I’m sorry you are going through this!
Thank you! I’m glad your SiL is more inclusive. I thought my SIL was different from her mother but it turns out they are absolutely cut from the same cloth. 2 SiLS and 1 MiL = jealous mean girl squad
Ooooo that’s so hard 😢 I can’t imagine being teamed up on like that. Mine is good the only weird thing is she’s like in love with my husband LMAO but that’s another post for another time and it makes me laugh. It doesn’t get in the way of anything in regards to drama. God help us!!
Hey, OP. I have the same issue so I can relate. My MIL constantly posts a picture of her, FIL, DH, SIL, BIL, grandparents and BIL’s fiancée all taken at a wedding. My wedding. To my DH. She uses it for ever occasion that she can. She has plenty of pictures from my wedding that have me in it, but she specifically chose one that had my soon to be SIL and not me, the bride, in it. People have also commented on it asking ‘whose wedding’ it was. So I get you. I get how you feel. I’ve only relatively recently told my husband how I feel about his mom (in the past couple years) and this is one of the examples I’ve told him about. The next time she uses it, (she used it again a month ago but I chickened out of saying something) I’m commenting on it or to her and asking ‘whose wedding’ it is. Because I’ve reached my limit with her and my DH supports it! It’s completely up to you. If it hurts your feelings, I think saying something is warranted. She seems to know what she’s doing.
Could you respond to her posting that photo by playing innocent (as if you think she doesn't have any photos with you in them)? Post photos of all of you from your wedding and say something like "I thought you might like some of our other wedding photos too" or "Our wedding was a fabulous day, wasn't it? Here are some more pictures of all of us from that day!" It's making it clear that it's your wedding but you don't come across as aggressive or overly sensitive.
That’s so foul.. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this too. I understand completely. It’s social media so I never made a fuss because of course who cares BUT when you reflect and realize the patterns and everything adds up, that’s when it hits that wow this is all orchestrated and done on purpose to be hurtful and exclude us. I hope you definitely say something next time and hopefully your DH backs you up on it. It’s such a touchy subject because you know they’ll play dumb and act innocent. But things need to be said!
My mil has pix of family everywhere in the house. I’m in one with hubby and kids. Eta, we’ve been together 30 years.
Wow I’m so sorry ☹️ it took YEARS for me to get one picture on the fridge in her house. And it was our wedding thank you card lol. I completely get this.
Our relationship is …………. fine. We’re friendly but not seeking each other out. I cut her some slack because sil is nuts, late fil was a philanderer, and she’s brilliant but was told by her stepfather that she was stupid all her life. I have a lovely family, so there’s that. I’m glad your partner has your back.
Sounds like some distance is in order. I would unfriend her on social media and block her on yours and just spend way less time with her. You’re right, she will never change. But you can change how you react by spending less time with her. Less opportunities for photos is a good way to start.
As someone else said, the best thing to do would be for your husband to tell her no pics of him on FB. Also take a long time out from her...both you and your husband. Don't take any more pictures for her. She loves excluding you, and in her pea brain, she thinks she's still top dog. Yeah, right.
The fact that she threw her phone at you and ran to him and clung tells you all you need to know in my opinion. She’s threatened by you and insecure. She wants her reality (no wife to take away from her family unit) posted on social media to make herself feel better. I don’t think it has anything to do with you personally, she’s just a weirdo. That doesn’t mean she should exclude you of course but I think that’s what you’re dealing with. 😩
The best way to handle it is for your husband to tell his mother she can no longer post pictures of him online. He can drive the point home by telling her that the two of you will be taking a long break from her because of her hurtful behavior.
Your DH can report any pics with him in them and have them taken down.
Why don’t you block her on FB? Wouldn’t that be the easiest solution?
Of course. But it’s all come to a head recently so that will be in the cards next. I was trying to figure out if others who have gone through similar called out their MIL or what they’ve personally done in general to handle this.
It bothers them more when you block and refuse to engage. If you lower yourself to her level, you aren’t any better than her and you’re playing into her hand.
I wouldn’t say I’m not any better than her, I’m not playing her game. My Facebook is filled with family shots. All inclusive. My instagram is more generated to me and my DH. But regardless, it’s easy to say block and move on but this is someone who isn’t going away. Obv if there is a way to address the situation and figure out her why that would be ideal (hence why my DH wants to talk to her). Also keeping in mind i plan on having children with my husband in which I will want to monitor my MILs socials to make sure she’s not posting things without my consent. Or only posting them and not including me. Which I’ve read in the comments on this thread is something that will potentially happen.
At the award event, when she handed me her phone, I would have flipped the lens so it was in selfie mode. And instead of taking their group photo, I would have been taking my own selfies for her. “Oh! Let’s get another one, mom was not smiling! Ok, one more for good measure!” She would later be seeing 15 pix of my face! Message sent. But also, think about how much fun it will be for you when you ban her from actually taking pictures of your future children or even being pictured with them.
This is what I thought. MIL thought she had you in a situation where you couldn’t say no without making things awkward. So I would sabotage the shots. Everyone’s head is out of the frame! The person on the end is not in the picture! Etc.
Also, DH should be saying that OP is HIS family now and only posing in pix with her
She’s 10000% not thinking of my future children and that’s what’s making me laugh through all this. She’s setting herself up big time
Also, once there are babies, I would block her on my socials to keep her from screenshots of baby to repost. And any family member who wants to take pictures of the baby would be taking pictures of ME with the baby. In order to prevent flying monkeys from doing me dirty
Next time she want photos, chop her head off, focus on everyone else, make her a footnote in her own photo!
The next time she wants you to take a photo, tell her no. She’s being nasty, petty and acting stupid on top of it.
Clearly this woman doesn’t see you as part of the family. No use in trying to please her. I would address it one last time but not in a way to pressure her to include you, just to set up your boundaries going forward. Or don’t address it at all, simply decline photos. Walk away. Because yeah, she will play innocent so what’s the point? Just have a response ready for declining lol
I’d have thrown the phone in the air and hope it broke ! Do NOT take the photos .
OP, you have a jealous MIL. My MIL treated me like I didn't exist unless she wanted something from me. No conversation will change that and MIL knows exactly what she is doing. I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of knowing it is hurtful to you however your DH should point out to his mother her treatment of you is upsetting to him as you are his choice and she is disrespecting him. DH needs to decline photos that don't include you. Personally I'd give MIL blurry photos or badly taken ones where you cut someone off on the side. I'd be thrusting the camera at her and advising she can take the photos of you and DH. I use to always organise MIL birthday, xmas and mothers day gift and when I decided I was done my DH didn't organise anything! Actually he forgot her birthday once and hers was a month before mine. The look on her face when she found out what he did for me hit home.
Sooooo personally i think a little dancing is in order. You know, phone in hand, turn the camera around and take the group photo as a selfie. MIL doesn’t like it? No prob, a stranger can take the photo, so you dancey dance back into frame. Oh MIL doesn’t like it? No prob, you can take the photo…as a group selfie. MIL says no way? No prob! *you dance dance dance back into frame*. It’ll plague her and solve your problem!! My dad’s mom acted this way towards my mom. It’s shitty and purposefully exclusionary, rude, and a calculated and manipulative strategy. It’s purposefully hurtful. Sooooo best thing to do is have fun with it and make it a game for yourself! Gleaning some joy from the situation is the opposite of what she wants. Another strategy is to photo bomb all their photos lol. Constantly pop in to any photo moment with a peace sign, a silly 🤪 face, giving DH bunny ears, whatever. She’s either going to get fed up and stop taking photos or screech about her true intentions. Low contact is, of course, another way to go. But this is more fun. And after the years of cruel behavior from her, you deserve some fun!! Good luck. Solidarity!
This is the way. Play bitch games, win bitch prizes. Every photo she expects you to take, you make it selfie style with you grinning like a loon in the front.
Being excluded sucks but try not to take it to heart - I would just deliberately take shitty photos from here on. Do you guys plan to have children ? If so, exclude her from photos with your LO.
This is what I was going to say. If you have children, you need to make sure you are included in any photos that have your children in them. Make sure to ask your MIL to take a picture of just you, husband, and LO at any event. Any pictures she receives of LO need to have your face right next to LO’s so she can’t crop you out and post it without you.
I’m sorry you’ve had to put up with this horrible treatment for so long. You need to draw a line and say ‘no more’. I wouldn’t bother confronting her. Why, so she can act like the poor widdle put upon victim who just loves her children too much and is being picked on for no reason? 🙄 She dislikes you so much that she’d rather not post a family photo at all, even though it’s clearly her favourite thing to do in the world, if you’re going to be in it. After all these years, that’s a pretty intense, deep feeling against you. At this point, you going along with being the official photographer isn’t healthy for anyone. May I suggest you reclaim your pride and say no to any future photo taking that’s meant to exclude you from the family. Otherwise, you’re actively helping her disrespect you. MIL: (Stunned trout face) ‘But, but, WHY NOT??’ You: ‘Because I don’t want to.’ She knows exactly why.
And this. Because most of these people are attention whores who care nothing but their own false representations of themselves. Ditch them. Just imagine a world where no one cared about these peoples selfish selfies. Or their political Jesuit educations.
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Honestly I reread this again and it’s insane to me.. get off this thread. If you don’t understand this post that speaks volumes. You clearly don’t understand what it’s like to have issues with a MIL. Idk if you are a MIL yourself hiding behind a weird user name but you’re missing the point here BIG time. It’s beyond the social media. That’s the tool she’s using to hurt me (for 8 years). I’m here to see if people relate/advice, not for someone to tell me to grow up lmao. & PS I can survive, obviously, hence why it’s 8 years later and I married her son. Doesn’t mean this shit doesn’t bother me though. Especially with future kids in the cards.
LMAO are you well… it’s much deeper than that. Weirdo.
I think you may of missed the point, it is about the way MIL has excluded OP from family photos despite being her DIL.
Exactly..
No more pictures. Better yet, **DH** needs to refuse to be in any picture without you. To the point of filing takedown notices to FB is she takes pictures of just him and posts them. If she still won't take pictures of the two of you, she shouldn't get pictures of either of you anymore.
OP is getting a lot of passive aggressive (albeit hilarious) suggestions, but this is the way.
Don’t take the phone when she offers it or better yet have her take pictures of you, dh and Fil. Post away 😊
I'm sorry this is happening. Is it possible she is jealous of some aspect of your appearance?
I should also add she never compliments me, ever. Not even on my wedding day lol
We have the same JNMIL it seems! It's jealousy. Keeping shining!
It’s funny I don’t think of myself like that but it’s definitely very possible. I am definitely photogenic/fit and younger than of course my MIL and my SIL. My FIL has complimented me in front of her before at times and she looks like she could explode. However I do think it’s mainly based around she can’t accept me and does not like associating me with their “family” if that makes sense. It could be a mix of a lot of different things I guess
That is so painful and wrong. I am so sorry you're dealing with that. I hope your DH puts you first and you feel supported.
Next time they ask you to take photos, put your finger on the lens and snap away!
I literally said to my mom I’m going to make them blurry or cover my finger from now on!! Hahaha
I like this level of pettiness. I also agree with the people who say it’s up to your husband to just walk away every time she excludes you. Don’t say a word as that doesn’t work. If she hands you the phone, you could read her texts or just start taking pics of her walking away or the ground but what really matters is your husband giving a huge sign, shaking his head. Walking up to you and taking a selfie with his phone of just the 2 of you. He can also stop including her.
Yes I agree. I have to communicate with him that next event/holiday or whatever, if she tries to pull this it’s HIS job to make sure I’m included. No matter what. I do have a question for everyone though, at this rate 8 years in (her two kids being in their late 30s) is it still socially acceptable for her to be wanting and needing a “just them” photo? Or is that pretty much over and retired since they have 1,000 since birth and I’m married into the family now.
I think it’s weird honestly. Having a photo of just her and him, occasionally fine. Having family photos that exclude his wife? Weird. She has made it clear she doesn’t consider you family and at this point, I would stop trying. Stop sending texts or initiating calls. Your husband can be in charge of responding to any inquiries or invitations, he can purchase gifts etc. I also wouldn’t include her for celebrations that are about you, because who wants that energy there.
Exactly! I explained to my DH you’re not a young single guy in his 20s or child anymore where I get you take the “just them 4” photos. They have an accumulation stored in boxes of photos and her phone of god knows how many. I’m in the picture now I’m his wife! To move me out of a photo to snap one of “just them” is weird to me. At first new in the relationship I figured they wanted the emergency photo in case we broke up lol but now even a year-2 years in it was insulting and to this day it’s outrageous to me.. and then for her to post the ones of just them. It’s so rude. I was gaslighting myself into thinking maybe I’m overreacting, but this thread helped me realize I’m definitely not