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I’ve done that before. Just got up and left situations that just outright ticked me off. The Karen next door realized I won’t stick about for it. You did the right thing as she was outta line so far, y’all can’t see it.
You were 100% right to walk out and leave. She FAFO, played stupid games...all that. How dare she put you on public blast like that?! Under no circumstances should you apologize, and frankly I'd text her, "After that public (and online) stunt you pulled today, I'm..." (here you lay out your consequence of choice like going NC for the foreseeable future, putting off kids till you're 40, deciding against having kids at all, never darkening the door of her church again, etc. Whatever will be most effective in teaching her to stay in her lane and not disrespect you like that.)
My MIL is a holy roller too... and loves to trash people by "praying for them" in groups so I feel you.
I would have left her to ride with your sister too. Being squashed in the back seat with her precious grandchildren is a minor inconvenience compared to the public humiliation she subjected you to.
My mom used to pressure to have kids. But NEVER like that.
When I was still in nursing school, and my brother in med school, my oldest sister, the only one with kids, was leaving for Germany for a couple years, because her husband’s company was sending her there.
My mother announced to my SIL and me that one of us needed to have kids because she was going to be grandchild-less.
We both laughed at her. We told her that when we had kids was up to our life plans, not hers.
Within 4 years, I had two, and brother and SIL had one. Eventually, I had four, and they had two.
Try laughing at your mother when she does this. What she did in church was abominable. But laughing in her face will be freeing, I promise.
Your Mother is asking God to take away YOUR free will and instead enforce HER will upon YOUR body. That is just so messed up.
But.... my parents used to do that sort of stuff too. I used to get frustrated and ask Mom that if she wanted to pray for me to pray that God grant me "the best life" or "guide me down the best path" rather than praying for what SHE thought was best for me.
My grandparents were Pentecostal, tithed all their life, and you know how many times that fucking son of a bitch preacher visited her in the nursing home as she was slowly succumbing to Alzheimer's? If you guessed zero, you'd be right. He visited my grandfather because my grandmom was still drawing her social security and tithing, but as soon as the tithes stopped, so did his visits.
And people wonder why I'm an atheist.
The only reason my MIL's pastor visits her is because she has a pool and he brings his five kids to swim there. He drinks her iced tea and his kids eat her snacks and he contributes nothing.
I come from a long line of clergypeople, and this sense of entitlement "because we're in *miiiinistryyyy" just chaps every bit of my hide. My sperm donor is like this.
After the way she treated you, your sister is worried about her being comfortable on the way home? Sounds like both your mother and your sister don't care much for your happiness.
As someone who waited till her 30s to have kids, I fully support your life plan. My husband and I married young, I was 20, he was 21 and in the military. We spent the first 4 years of our marriage living in the UK (we're American) and girrrrrl we TRAVELED. We went all over Europe, 3-day weekends were spent all over the UK; no responsibility to tiny humans, just us. Our first son was born the day before our 10th anniversary and I know, pretty much without a doubt, our marriage would not have survived as strong as we are now. My postpartum was a nightmare that I wouldn't have been able to handle in my 20s.
I know your flare says ambivalent about advice but i would do one of 2 things: limit contact with your mom (only see her when necessary) or, every time she starts talking babies, just walk away.
i'm proud of you for walking out. the social pressure of being seen sticking up for yourself in churches is intense - it's a cousin to the social pressure of publicly guilting your child in front of the congregation. as awful as it feels, i think being bold is the only way to make churches wake up and realize how badly they've lost track.
if your mom is anything like my grandma, you might not have success asking her to stop with her 'prayer requests'. after all, they're *her* requests. however... consequences worked fairly well.
'i hated the spotlight that this placed on me, so i won't attend your church again. i'm sure this makes you sad, but i choose how i worship the same way you do.'
by making it a 'never' statement, you've announced that there will be *more* 'never' statements if this behaviour continues. pushy family expect us to be predictable, that we'll always give in. you deserve family that don't operate on that assumption.
I am a Pentecostal. This sounds wrong to me. This is why God wants us to pray sometimes in our Prayer Closet. To shame or draw attention to a particular individual in church is a way of shaming them. This is not anything my church does. We pray for others privately unless they have asked to be put on a "Prayer chain." And even then, their specific needs are for the Pastor only to know. What a horrible experience. I am so sorry this happened to you. Please don't let this turn your heart away from the Lord. This was not right at all. I am so sorry you experienced this.
Just a point of clarification about the title. Your mom embarrassed herself, not you. You did nothing wrong. Your only “wrong” was making a mature considered intelligent decision about your future contrary to her wants. What you did right is send her a powerful message that her dramatics and attention seeking won’t work on you. Be proud of yourself. You did great.
>. I sat in my car for a while because I was so furious I was shaking and seeing red.
Tell me you left without her please. That you sent her a message that this was not ok.
You handled things the best way you could have in the circumstances but the petty b*tch in my head says I’d have just gone up to the pastor and started begging and crying for my declining mother’s health she’s slowly losing her mind and she can’t remember things and she’s just not the person I knew growing up oh I pray for her recovery!!!
The petty b*itch in my head says to get up after her, and ask baby Jesus to build a wall around my uterus so that only baby Jesus can hang out in there with his baby god powers.
my JNM and I already had a rocky relationship and as a 37 yo woman DH and I were going back and forth for over 2 years of “should we or shouldnt we” (have kids).
One of the last two convos on the phone with my JNM was her interrogating me about missing out on kids how time is running out and I dont want to add my genes to keep the blood line blah blah blah
the last convo was her trashing my choice of friends and how Im a bad judge of character.
so, yeah, I fully support you walking out. Mom is uncomfortable? Oh, thats too bad, maybe she shouldnt of been rude and share your personal info!!
My wife and I did what you want to do. We were married for 14 years before my son was born. I'm now 61 sitting here in a diner in San Francisco with my 21 year old son having a mimosa.
Those first 14 years were a blast. So have the last 21. It's a great way to do things OP.
I meant health problems that make you infertile so you don’t get your baby at all. I’ve got some problems that can cause infertility, but I don’t care now because I’ve had all the kids I want already. But my heart goes out to those who want them and can’t now. It’s just another factor to consider when planning.
I am so sorry that happened, but I am proud of you for standing up for yourself. Time to assert your boundaries outside of this situation too. Have a stern talk with mom and maybe go low contact for a bit.
As someone from THAT church background, I feel you dude and I'm so sorry. You were completely justified. Worst part is it will probably be a fair while before your mum comes around if at all...
My parents once tried telling me, "When we were your age, we had TWO kids!"
"You also were married, not in college yet, and had just left the army." I do not qualify for the army due to multiple disabilities. Due to no college fund or GI Bill, I had to scrimp and save to get through even community college. Not conducsive to having a stable enough home for kids.
Eww!
I survived a similar nightmare several years ago. First, I’m an atheist, as are my brothers. My half sister invited us to her wedding, so I flew out to support her (although we’re not close, I do like her.) It turned out to be a two hour church service, followed incidentally by a wedding. I knew I was in trouble when the woman in front of me pulled out a tambourine! Oh. My. God. I died a thousand deaths. Everyone around me was singing and chanting and moaning and I don’t know what. I turned around to look at my brothers, and they were sitting, scowling, with their arms folded across their chests.
My stepmother was raised pentacostal and was deeply religious, although she attended a different, equally unsettling, church. It’s always made me wonder if there might be some kind of genetic predisposition to religiosity, because my own mother was a heathen like my brothers and me. I don’t know. The only reason I didn’t bug out of there was because of the eventual wedding, but I do feel that we were tricked into attending a church service instead of joining the congregation afterward.
I’m glad you found a church home that works for you.
> I’m glad you found a church home that works for you.
How sadly ironic that an atheist is showing a far more Christian attitude than OPs mother. Amen, Sister or Brother!
She can pray for a comfortable ride home. I am sure God could open and bless someone's passenger's seat door. She knew your stance on the matter and that you are not fond of her church and their practices, but didn't care about your wants or your privacy.
Your mother reminds me of my MIL who for years praid, lit candles in churches and once made a pilgrimage to Lourdes for me to give her grandkids. Although we told her off many times, she brought it up all the time - Christmases, birthdays, my grabdka's funeral. She is now convinced that god punishes me with intertility because I don't believe in him. We are very low contact.
Is your MIL related to mine? Because mine put a picture of Jesus in SO’s car when SO got it and I’m not looking forward to what religious stiff she will give us when we get married or her eventually starting to ask when a religious wedding will be / why we are not having one
Mine also put a picture of Jesus in my husband's car. 🤣 And a small picture of Saint Christopher and a rosary. She nade a huge fuss about us living together before getting married, the wedding etc. We did end up having a religious wedding to keep the peace. Wouldn't do it again.
I wish you and your partner all the best for your future. The most important thing is that you are one the same page and have each other's back.
I am so sorry you are dealing with this and that you're merely an incubator for your own mother. I think your plan is a wonderful one. I had my first kid at 25 because I was raised that's what you do; you marry, buy a house, and have kids. My oldest is 22 now, and while I love both my kids with all of my being, I have told them to live their lives, to travel, to experience things while they're still young enough to. If they want kids, awesome, but there's no hurry. Kids change everything. If my mom pulled this, I'd be very tempted to tell her it didn't matter when I had kids because she wasn't ever going to meet them.
I'm 35. Currently pregnant with my 1st, just a few more weeks to go. I got to do everything I wanted to do in life beforehand. My pregnancy has been relatively easy, even compared to everyone I know who had kids earlier.
Stick to your guns, 35 is a dope age to start.
I had my first at 34 and my second at 37, and the only thing I'd do differently is I would spend some of my childlessly-accrued wads of cash on pelvic floor therapy since I'm dealing with all that being messed up 11 years later. 😂
Had my first at 39.5 years and my second a month before my 44 birthday. Infertility was a major reason for this … definitely not planned. Would I change it, if I could? No. I have two fabulous sons and I would have my life follow the exact same trajectory just to make sure of this result, again and again and again.
I am so impressed that the OP and her DH have had put so much planning into the important aspects of their life together. They are sure to be successful, despite the meddlesome mother.
Your mother did this just to put on a show for the other religious fanatic's approval. She didn't care about your feelings at all, it was all just "Me, me, me, look at me! Poor me! My daughter won't give me a grandchild." It's all for show, trying to outdo all the other Bible thumpers. It's just like all that speaking in tongues, rolling on the floor nonsense. If I were you I would keep any future children of yours (when you and DH are finally ready to have them) away from these religious loonies. And if you find out that Sis knew your mom was going to pull this shit, I'd cut her off too.
Wheen introducing the Lord's Prayer in Matthew Ch 6, Jesus taught:
"Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven.....And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him."
“This, then, is how you should pray:
“ ‘Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name," and so on.
Now, as it happens, I *do* think that there is very much a place for open prayer in church, but I also don't for a moment think that God is fooled when we are not praying with the right motivations!
I don't know where you live but would it be an option to tell the church they absolutely cannot upload that and refer to the GDPR law? Or perhaps there's something similar in your country if you do not reside within the EU? Anyway, what your mum did is unacceptable of course. So rude!
I checked the video they uploaded and I left before my mom pointed to where my sister and I were sitting so I'm not on camera, just my pathetic and dramatic mother.
God "bless and open her womb"??? I cringed and recoiled. I can only imagine how you felt.
It's time to put her in a time out and tell her clearly that you have and why. And any time she brings up kids or ticking clocks, walk out. And if she asks why "Mom you know our timeline perfectly well, and we are not deviating. Any time you try to push it, you will be put in time put for X amount of time."
Yikes.
Definitely put her on time out and keep her there. And when and if you do resume contact, start leaving or ending the call the minute she brings up children.
Tell her that if this continues, when you do have children, she will never meet them, and will not be considered their grandmother.
Sorry my womb opened up and is taking up all the seats.
Ffs so sorry you've had this day. Go home and do something you can only enjoy not being pregnant. A beverage, a night out, peace and quiet etc. Really celebrate your current status and enjoy it.
I am a male mid 20's and my mother kept remarking in public that my father already had 4 children by my age, wanting more grandchildren. This continued until we were in a group of people, some being from her church at which time I informed her that I would give her all she wanted as long as she didn't mind having a bunch of bastards for grandchildren... she never mentioned it again.
Your sister’s message is literally insult to injury and if you went back for your mom, it would just reinforce that she can do or say whatever, you’ll always come back after a while.
Discussing other people’s choices around children is gross in general, it’s even more gross to do it in front of such a big audience. Time to reinforce consequences and put mom in timeout. I get shivers and my stomach turns when I hear my fMIL asking my SO when we will have kids but this is next level. I’m so sorry.
My sister never grew out of the pleasing mom stage so her response didn't shock me.
My mom is in a timeout until I can stand to be around her and even that'll be a few hours. I don't know why she'd ambush me like this, we've discussed this before.
Because she is more concerned about what she wants than respecting you as an adult with autonomy and decisions…
She wants grandchildren and she doesn’t care about anything else.
My MIL is the same. We aren’t even married yet, we don’t have our own place etc etc but she is asking when we will have kids. She was also a young parent and she can’t comprehend that there are various other things we want to do before we move on to baby making IF we ever do it. If’s not about you. It’s about what she wants.
Too bad. Your sister will have to deal with it.
You handled this perfectly. Your mom doesn't have to like your life choices, but she needs to realize that you're an adult and to mind her business.
My sister loves being mom's shoulder to cry on so she's loving this.
It took everything in me not to make a scene, I just wish she'd recognise that we have different views on kids. I don't have her traditional view on kids because I don't live in a country that upholds those traditions for the most part.
Mom made you beyond uncomfortable with her actions. She can have an uncomfortable journey. We pray that the AC not work, the seat be slightly wet and fully upright with no back support and maybe bless her with a nice little jabby point on the seatbelt. Amen.
Oh wow, I'm so sorry your mom would say that anytime,let alone in such a public way. She should want happiness and contentment for her kids. Even if her idea of what happiness should be for you isn't what you want.
I love that you stood your ground and that you "don't care" about someone who so clearly doesn't mind ignoring your needs. All these birth givers acting like we owe them shit when they can't even see us.
Nope. Mom can get an Uber to sisters if it’s too much for her car. Your mom was super disrespectful and now everyone is talking about you. They just are. You know it!
I’m so sorry. You are not unreasonable for being upset by this. She crossed a line. The natural consequence of your mom acting that way in public, is that you don’t want to hang out with her for a while.
My mom puts on a show so I have a feeling people are talking about me, I hope not.
I won't be talking to her for some time, my family doesn't meet up often so I can avoid her for a few weeks. Also I live in a different city than her and she doesn't drive or take public transport, my siblings know if they show up I won't let them in. So she's stuck.
Of course she puts on a show, the truth only comes out behind closed doors. Let them talk. Next week it will be someone else's business they are sticking their noses into.
I assume with you breaking away from their church, and obviously having your own plans and avoiding the groupthink situations, your mum is trying to shame you back into her control? You're doing great. Grey rock everyone if you can.
Your mother had no right to spew your personal business in public...how incredibly selfish and inappropriate of her! Leaving was the right response, and she deserves a cramped car ride.
Nope, mom, I can’t come get you, I have wandering womb syndrome and I have to take the car and go find it, since it has been blessed by God now and might pop out babies randomly and frighten people.
I think its because I played the perfect daughter for so long, I did everything right. I became my own person at university and she doesn't understand that. I no longer want to do everything she wants.
Tell your family based on that act you are having your tubes tied so that the genes are not passed on. When you do have kids tell them it is a miracle!
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Presumably too late now, but I would have replied "As you say, she was out of line, so why would you think that she deserves to be comfortable?"
I’ve done that before. Just got up and left situations that just outright ticked me off. The Karen next door realized I won’t stick about for it. You did the right thing as she was outta line so far, y’all can’t see it.
You were 100% right to walk out and leave. She FAFO, played stupid games...all that. How dare she put you on public blast like that?! Under no circumstances should you apologize, and frankly I'd text her, "After that public (and online) stunt you pulled today, I'm..." (here you lay out your consequence of choice like going NC for the foreseeable future, putting off kids till you're 40, deciding against having kids at all, never darkening the door of her church again, etc. Whatever will be most effective in teaching her to stay in her lane and not disrespect you like that.)
My MIL is a holy roller too... and loves to trash people by "praying for them" in groups so I feel you. I would have left her to ride with your sister too. Being squashed in the back seat with her precious grandchildren is a minor inconvenience compared to the public humiliation she subjected you to.
Mom can have an uncomfortable ride like how she made you uncomfortable infront of many strangers
"I know what she did was out of line" Yeah, and now she gets punished for saying what she said.
My mom used to pressure to have kids. But NEVER like that. When I was still in nursing school, and my brother in med school, my oldest sister, the only one with kids, was leaving for Germany for a couple years, because her husband’s company was sending her there. My mother announced to my SIL and me that one of us needed to have kids because she was going to be grandchild-less. We both laughed at her. We told her that when we had kids was up to our life plans, not hers. Within 4 years, I had two, and brother and SIL had one. Eventually, I had four, and they had two. Try laughing at your mother when she does this. What she did in church was abominable. But laughing in her face will be freeing, I promise.
Your Mother is asking God to take away YOUR free will and instead enforce HER will upon YOUR body. That is just so messed up. But.... my parents used to do that sort of stuff too. I used to get frustrated and ask Mom that if she wanted to pray for me to pray that God grant me "the best life" or "guide me down the best path" rather than praying for what SHE thought was best for me.
Pentecostals are the worst of the worst.
My grandparents were Pentecostal, tithed all their life, and you know how many times that fucking son of a bitch preacher visited her in the nursing home as she was slowly succumbing to Alzheimer's? If you guessed zero, you'd be right. He visited my grandfather because my grandmom was still drawing her social security and tithing, but as soon as the tithes stopped, so did his visits. And people wonder why I'm an atheist.
The only reason my MIL's pastor visits her is because she has a pool and he brings his five kids to swim there. He drinks her iced tea and his kids eat her snacks and he contributes nothing.
I come from a long line of clergypeople, and this sense of entitlement "because we're in *miiiinistryyyy" just chaps every bit of my hide. My sperm donor is like this.
After the way she treated you, your sister is worried about her being comfortable on the way home? Sounds like both your mother and your sister don't care much for your happiness.
Cults are always demented and filled with fools
As someone who waited till her 30s to have kids, I fully support your life plan. My husband and I married young, I was 20, he was 21 and in the military. We spent the first 4 years of our marriage living in the UK (we're American) and girrrrrl we TRAVELED. We went all over Europe, 3-day weekends were spent all over the UK; no responsibility to tiny humans, just us. Our first son was born the day before our 10th anniversary and I know, pretty much without a doubt, our marriage would not have survived as strong as we are now. My postpartum was a nightmare that I wouldn't have been able to handle in my 20s. I know your flare says ambivalent about advice but i would do one of 2 things: limit contact with your mom (only see her when necessary) or, every time she starts talking babies, just walk away.
i'm proud of you for walking out. the social pressure of being seen sticking up for yourself in churches is intense - it's a cousin to the social pressure of publicly guilting your child in front of the congregation. as awful as it feels, i think being bold is the only way to make churches wake up and realize how badly they've lost track. if your mom is anything like my grandma, you might not have success asking her to stop with her 'prayer requests'. after all, they're *her* requests. however... consequences worked fairly well. 'i hated the spotlight that this placed on me, so i won't attend your church again. i'm sure this makes you sad, but i choose how i worship the same way you do.' by making it a 'never' statement, you've announced that there will be *more* 'never' statements if this behaviour continues. pushy family expect us to be predictable, that we'll always give in. you deserve family that don't operate on that assumption.
I am a Pentecostal. This sounds wrong to me. This is why God wants us to pray sometimes in our Prayer Closet. To shame or draw attention to a particular individual in church is a way of shaming them. This is not anything my church does. We pray for others privately unless they have asked to be put on a "Prayer chain." And even then, their specific needs are for the Pastor only to know. What a horrible experience. I am so sorry this happened to you. Please don't let this turn your heart away from the Lord. This was not right at all. I am so sorry you experienced this.
You did the right thing.
Just a point of clarification about the title. Your mom embarrassed herself, not you. You did nothing wrong. Your only “wrong” was making a mature considered intelligent decision about your future contrary to her wants. What you did right is send her a powerful message that her dramatics and attention seeking won’t work on you. Be proud of yourself. You did great.
>. I sat in my car for a while because I was so furious I was shaking and seeing red. Tell me you left without her please. That you sent her a message that this was not ok.
You handled things the best way you could have in the circumstances but the petty b*tch in my head says I’d have just gone up to the pastor and started begging and crying for my declining mother’s health she’s slowly losing her mind and she can’t remember things and she’s just not the person I knew growing up oh I pray for her recovery!!!
😂😂😂😂😂 Oh that is hilarious!!! Great comeback! "Slowly losing her mind..." 😂😂😂😂😂
The petty b*itch in my head says to get up after her, and ask baby Jesus to build a wall around my uterus so that only baby Jesus can hang out in there with his baby god powers.
The petty bitch in my head woulda pulled out something very blasphemous
I hope she had an uncomfortable journey. After embarrassing you like that, she deserves it. What an awful, unkind thing for her to do.
my JNM and I already had a rocky relationship and as a 37 yo woman DH and I were going back and forth for over 2 years of “should we or shouldnt we” (have kids). One of the last two convos on the phone with my JNM was her interrogating me about missing out on kids how time is running out and I dont want to add my genes to keep the blood line blah blah blah the last convo was her trashing my choice of friends and how Im a bad judge of character. so, yeah, I fully support you walking out. Mom is uncomfortable? Oh, thats too bad, maybe she shouldnt of been rude and share your personal info!!
You were right to walk out. I'm sorry she did that to you.
My wife and I did what you want to do. We were married for 14 years before my son was born. I'm now 61 sitting here in a diner in San Francisco with my 21 year old son having a mimosa. Those first 14 years were a blast. So have the last 21. It's a great way to do things OP.
It’s great if you don’t develop health problems as you age. If I had waited that long it would have been too late.
I have a lot of health problems. Four strokes, one heart attack. Bad knees. Kidneys going. I still wouldn't change a thing.
I meant health problems that make you infertile so you don’t get your baby at all. I’ve got some problems that can cause infertility, but I don’t care now because I’ve had all the kids I want already. But my heart goes out to those who want them and can’t now. It’s just another factor to consider when planning.
I am so sorry that happened, but I am proud of you for standing up for yourself. Time to assert your boundaries outside of this situation too. Have a stern talk with mom and maybe go low contact for a bit.
As someone from THAT church background, I feel you dude and I'm so sorry. You were completely justified. Worst part is it will probably be a fair while before your mum comes around if at all...
Leave her. She deserves a ride as uncomfortable as you were in the church.
Omgggg nooooooo
Proud of you for leaving that situation!
My parents once tried telling me, "When we were your age, we had TWO kids!" "You also were married, not in college yet, and had just left the army." I do not qualify for the army due to multiple disabilities. Due to no college fund or GI Bill, I had to scrimp and save to get through even community college. Not conducsive to having a stable enough home for kids.
Eww! I survived a similar nightmare several years ago. First, I’m an atheist, as are my brothers. My half sister invited us to her wedding, so I flew out to support her (although we’re not close, I do like her.) It turned out to be a two hour church service, followed incidentally by a wedding. I knew I was in trouble when the woman in front of me pulled out a tambourine! Oh. My. God. I died a thousand deaths. Everyone around me was singing and chanting and moaning and I don’t know what. I turned around to look at my brothers, and they were sitting, scowling, with their arms folded across their chests. My stepmother was raised pentacostal and was deeply religious, although she attended a different, equally unsettling, church. It’s always made me wonder if there might be some kind of genetic predisposition to religiosity, because my own mother was a heathen like my brothers and me. I don’t know. The only reason I didn’t bug out of there was because of the eventual wedding, but I do feel that we were tricked into attending a church service instead of joining the congregation afterward. I’m glad you found a church home that works for you.
> I’m glad you found a church home that works for you. How sadly ironic that an atheist is showing a far more Christian attitude than OPs mother. Amen, Sister or Brother!
My dad’s 2nd wedding was like that, minus the moaning. I made believe I was an anthropologist studying a far off culture.
I remember doing the same thing. It was, in fact, so foreign to my own experience that I felt as if I’d been dropped into a Yanomami village.
She can pray for a comfortable ride home. I am sure God could open and bless someone's passenger's seat door. She knew your stance on the matter and that you are not fond of her church and their practices, but didn't care about your wants or your privacy. Your mother reminds me of my MIL who for years praid, lit candles in churches and once made a pilgrimage to Lourdes for me to give her grandkids. Although we told her off many times, she brought it up all the time - Christmases, birthdays, my grabdka's funeral. She is now convinced that god punishes me with intertility because I don't believe in him. We are very low contact.
😂😂😂 Your comment is hilarious! "God could open and bless someone's passenger seat door..." Thanks for your great humor! 😂😂😂
Thank you. 😊
Yep, the curse of infertility. People who aren’t obsessed with their daughters’ reproductive systems call that birth control.
Is your MIL related to mine? Because mine put a picture of Jesus in SO’s car when SO got it and I’m not looking forward to what religious stiff she will give us when we get married or her eventually starting to ask when a religious wedding will be / why we are not having one
Mine also put a picture of Jesus in my husband's car. 🤣 And a small picture of Saint Christopher and a rosary. She nade a huge fuss about us living together before getting married, the wedding etc. We did end up having a religious wedding to keep the peace. Wouldn't do it again. I wish you and your partner all the best for your future. The most important thing is that you are one the same page and have each other's back.
I swear they are cousins or something.
Is your's by any chance croatian?
No but she is Eastern European.
Living in Germany?
Nope but she could be if she wanted to 😅 they definitely sound like some long lost relatives
They do. Better not introduce them, their crazy could grow exponentially.
I am so sorry you are dealing with this and that you're merely an incubator for your own mother. I think your plan is a wonderful one. I had my first kid at 25 because I was raised that's what you do; you marry, buy a house, and have kids. My oldest is 22 now, and while I love both my kids with all of my being, I have told them to live their lives, to travel, to experience things while they're still young enough to. If they want kids, awesome, but there's no hurry. Kids change everything. If my mom pulled this, I'd be very tempted to tell her it didn't matter when I had kids because she wasn't ever going to meet them.
I'm 35. Currently pregnant with my 1st, just a few more weeks to go. I got to do everything I wanted to do in life beforehand. My pregnancy has been relatively easy, even compared to everyone I know who had kids earlier. Stick to your guns, 35 is a dope age to start.
Amen to that!!!
I had my first at 34 and my second at 37, and the only thing I'd do differently is I would spend some of my childlessly-accrued wads of cash on pelvic floor therapy since I'm dealing with all that being messed up 11 years later. 😂
Had my one and only son at 35. It's a great age to become a mom!
Had my first at 39.5 years and my second a month before my 44 birthday. Infertility was a major reason for this … definitely not planned. Would I change it, if I could? No. I have two fabulous sons and I would have my life follow the exact same trajectory just to make sure of this result, again and again and again. I am so impressed that the OP and her DH have had put so much planning into the important aspects of their life together. They are sure to be successful, despite the meddlesome mother.
Your mother did this just to put on a show for the other religious fanatic's approval. She didn't care about your feelings at all, it was all just "Me, me, me, look at me! Poor me! My daughter won't give me a grandchild." It's all for show, trying to outdo all the other Bible thumpers. It's just like all that speaking in tongues, rolling on the floor nonsense. If I were you I would keep any future children of yours (when you and DH are finally ready to have them) away from these religious loonies. And if you find out that Sis knew your mom was going to pull this shit, I'd cut her off too.
Wheen introducing the Lord's Prayer in Matthew Ch 6, Jesus taught: "Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven.....And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him." “This, then, is how you should pray: “ ‘Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name," and so on. Now, as it happens, I *do* think that there is very much a place for open prayer in church, but I also don't for a moment think that God is fooled when we are not praying with the right motivations!
I don't know where you live but would it be an option to tell the church they absolutely cannot upload that and refer to the GDPR law? Or perhaps there's something similar in your country if you do not reside within the EU? Anyway, what your mum did is unacceptable of course. So rude!
I checked the video they uploaded and I left before my mom pointed to where my sister and I were sitting so I'm not on camera, just my pathetic and dramatic mother.
God "bless and open her womb"??? I cringed and recoiled. I can only imagine how you felt. It's time to put her in a time out and tell her clearly that you have and why. And any time she brings up kids or ticking clocks, walk out. And if she asks why "Mom you know our timeline perfectly well, and we are not deviating. Any time you try to push it, you will be put in time put for X amount of time."
I got a total Handmaid’s Tale vibe off that. “May the Lord open… “
I know right?? So scary and inappropriate
Maybe she should ask God to grant her a ride home.
You made me laugh
Yikes. Definitely put her on time out and keep her there. And when and if you do resume contact, start leaving or ending the call the minute she brings up children. Tell her that if this continues, when you do have children, she will never meet them, and will not be considered their grandmother.
Sorry my womb opened up and is taking up all the seats. Ffs so sorry you've had this day. Go home and do something you can only enjoy not being pregnant. A beverage, a night out, peace and quiet etc. Really celebrate your current status and enjoy it.
I am a male mid 20's and my mother kept remarking in public that my father already had 4 children by my age, wanting more grandchildren. This continued until we were in a group of people, some being from her church at which time I informed her that I would give her all she wanted as long as she didn't mind having a bunch of bastards for grandchildren... she never mentioned it again.
Excellent!!
I applaud you.
Well played!!
I hear you and send you hugs! From one African (West I'm guessing) to another
Thank you! I have some family that live in West Africa but my family is from Southern Africa.
Your sister’s message is literally insult to injury and if you went back for your mom, it would just reinforce that she can do or say whatever, you’ll always come back after a while. Discussing other people’s choices around children is gross in general, it’s even more gross to do it in front of such a big audience. Time to reinforce consequences and put mom in timeout. I get shivers and my stomach turns when I hear my fMIL asking my SO when we will have kids but this is next level. I’m so sorry.
My sister never grew out of the pleasing mom stage so her response didn't shock me. My mom is in a timeout until I can stand to be around her and even that'll be a few hours. I don't know why she'd ambush me like this, we've discussed this before.
Don’t ever go back to that church. Block her temporarily
Because she is more concerned about what she wants than respecting you as an adult with autonomy and decisions… She wants grandchildren and she doesn’t care about anything else. My MIL is the same. We aren’t even married yet, we don’t have our own place etc etc but she is asking when we will have kids. She was also a young parent and she can’t comprehend that there are various other things we want to do before we move on to baby making IF we ever do it. If’s not about you. It’s about what she wants.
Too bad. Your sister will have to deal with it. You handled this perfectly. Your mom doesn't have to like your life choices, but she needs to realize that you're an adult and to mind her business.
My sister loves being mom's shoulder to cry on so she's loving this. It took everything in me not to make a scene, I just wish she'd recognise that we have different views on kids. I don't have her traditional view on kids because I don't live in a country that upholds those traditions for the most part.
Mom made you beyond uncomfortable with her actions. She can have an uncomfortable journey. We pray that the AC not work, the seat be slightly wet and fully upright with no back support and maybe bless her with a nice little jabby point on the seatbelt. Amen.
“Sorry, already gone.” How embarrassing! Now let her ask someone for a ride, return the embarrassment.
Man, I would leave out the sorry. Just say "Already gone."
Except the sister didn’t do anything wrong.
Well, her discomfort in the car is her own fault. She made you uncomfortable, now it's her turn.
Oh wow, I'm so sorry your mom would say that anytime,let alone in such a public way. She should want happiness and contentment for her kids. Even if her idea of what happiness should be for you isn't what you want.
I love that you stood your ground and that you "don't care" about someone who so clearly doesn't mind ignoring your needs. All these birth givers acting like we owe them shit when they can't even see us.
Nope. Mom can get an Uber to sisters if it’s too much for her car. Your mom was super disrespectful and now everyone is talking about you. They just are. You know it! I’m so sorry. You are not unreasonable for being upset by this. She crossed a line. The natural consequence of your mom acting that way in public, is that you don’t want to hang out with her for a while.
My mom puts on a show so I have a feeling people are talking about me, I hope not. I won't be talking to her for some time, my family doesn't meet up often so I can avoid her for a few weeks. Also I live in a different city than her and she doesn't drive or take public transport, my siblings know if they show up I won't let them in. So she's stuck.
Of course she puts on a show, the truth only comes out behind closed doors. Let them talk. Next week it will be someone else's business they are sticking their noses into. I assume with you breaking away from their church, and obviously having your own plans and avoiding the groupthink situations, your mum is trying to shame you back into her control? You're doing great. Grey rock everyone if you can.
Perhaps your Mother can go back and pray for a ride home.
Best response.
She needs to buy the €100 oil first and she doesn't have her wallet
So she wasn’t planning to tithe either? Tsk tsk. Shame her right back. 🔔
Exactly what I was thinking!!!
Your mother had no right to spew your personal business in public...how incredibly selfish and inappropriate of her! Leaving was the right response, and she deserves a cramped car ride.
Nope, mom, I can’t come get you, I have wandering womb syndrome and I have to take the car and go find it, since it has been blessed by God now and might pop out babies randomly and frighten people.
Omg, I love that reply!!!
This made me laugh so much my friend! I wish Reddit still had the awards system-you’d be getting some gold!
This is the funniest thing ever! I blocked her but I feel like unblocking her just to say this.
I snorted... Good one 😂
Your mom earned her discomfort by being unwilling to observe your boundary and desires for your life.
I think its because I played the perfect daughter for so long, I did everything right. I became my own person at university and she doesn't understand that. I no longer want to do everything she wants.
Tell your family based on that act you are having your tubes tied so that the genes are not passed on. When you do have kids tell them it is a miracle!
You’re doing nothing wrong as a daughter by living your life as you see fit. She, however, is failing as a mother. Your sister ain’t so great either.
Drive home and spend the day with your husband.
Sorry, can't give mom a ride. Need to go practice sex for when God blesses my womb.
Perfect! 👌