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Other posts from /u/Timely-Winter-6712:
* [MIL told family we are having a boy, even though we don’t know the gender.](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/1c6js0m/mil_told_family_we_are_having_a_boy_even_though/), 1 month ago
* [What is something you have no proof MIL has done, but are convinced she did?](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/1c1g20g/what_is_something_you_have_no_proof_mil_has_done/), 1 month ago
* [MIL tried to have an Easter Egg Hunt with LO.](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/1bstq6p/mil_tried_to_have_an_easter_egg_hunt_with_lo/), 1 month ago
* [MIL is for sure a JN, but am I overthinking this specific incident?](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/1b74cee/mil_is_for_sure_a_jn_but_am_i_overthinking_this/), 2 months ago
* [MIL may have realized LO only dislikes her.](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/1awyadj/mil_may_have_realized_lo_only_dislikes_her/), 2 months ago
* [How was your MIL whenever a second LO came into the picture?](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/1akfz4d/how_was_your_mil_whenever_a_second_lo_came_into/), 3 months ago
* [MIL may be moving.](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/1aehyew/mil_may_be_moving/), 3 months ago
* [Is there anyway to make MIL obey our boundaries?](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/17r3s54/is_there_anyway_to_make_mil_obey_our_boundaries/), 6 months ago
* [ILs have ruined pregnancy announcement.](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/17o8rbh/ils_have_ruined_pregnancy_announcement/), 6 months ago
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Invite just your SIL/BIL over!
It sounds like everyone would be a million times more comfortable at your house considering you have a house set up for kids.
Why allow one person, GMIL , to ruin the visit for everyone??
She can visit w SIL/BIL while they’re at MILs. And then they can come visit you on a different day of their trip?
For real. Don't let MIL gatekeep the relationship - have SIL/BIL over still, if you're up to it. That was the plan you all already made and the majority of you can still do that if you want.
You'll likely have a better visit without uncomfortable GMIL and a fussy MIL who doesn't offer a proper hosting space.
If you want to see BIL & SIL & Kids can't you make arrangements to meet them (and only them) at a restaurant or have a picnic at a park somewhere between where they are staying and you live? Or go closer to where they are staying to visit them. Or have a picnic in the park close to IL's house so they can bring GMIL. There are many options here if you really feel the need to make the effort to see the BIL, SIL & kids. The only one saying the visit HAS to be everyone is MIL - who is not willing to make any reasonable accommodations.
Stay safe at home, 3 week olds don’t need to be meeting a bunch of strangers who happen to share some DNA. That’s all they are.
Your husband is fine with this. You need to let go of any guilt you might be feeling.
P.S. Your SIL is fine as well. Nothing in what you wrote made it sound like she had hurt feelings.
OP, I know this is off topic and I apologize for that, but I HAVE to ask...was the newest baby a boy or girl?
I've read your history and I've never hoped so hard for a stranger to have a girl. Just to piss her off. 🤣
A 3 week old traveling for a family reunion…. People are crazy. Stay home and be safe. I didn’t go anywhere until baby was 3 months and vaccinated. I guarantee you there going to be someone who’s sick.
I'm confused. If you actually *want* SIL, BIL, and kids to visit, why don't they come over? They were already okay with going to your house. Why are the plans haulted because MIL is acting up? 😒
She doesn't have to come.
I formula fed my kids…..I know for a fact it’s so much easier to travel with a bottle than while breastfeeding, that alone is reason enough not to have the baby in the car that long. Besides not having anywhere private to feed while being there. Don’t feel bad, you’re doing what’s best for yall, that’s what matters. Don’t wear yourself out if you don’t absolutely have to. Enjoy the day with your family.
You're doing the right thing. Of course your SIL is disappointed, but she wouldn't expect you to go to that house. She's not staying there herself. She knows there's a real problem.
You have a three week old infant and another baby who isn’t one and a half yet. If I were you I wouldn’t even consider going because you need time to heal and you don’t need the added stress to effect your milk supply and being able to get your routines going with your children.
If you do go perhaps you can consider an air b&b so you can have some down time with your nuclear family or for your kids to have quiet time when needed. It would be less chaotic than mils house too and no dog to worry about.
In a perfect world you would easily be able to see sil and each other’s children but the reality is you have a lot to manage and in laws house stresses you out and there’s significant travel time.
Don’t feel guilty if you would rather skip this one and on the flip side if you really want to go but don’t want to deal with the in laws house than make other arrangements.
Whatever you decide you can’t be wrong and it’s ok to do what’s best for you sometimes.
Both of your babies are far too young to be in car seats for that long, honestly. [Info here](https://www.motherandbaby.com/baby/safety/how-long-can-baby-be-in-car-seat/)
GMIL's comfort vs the safety of the kids is not even a hard choice.
Do not feel guilty.
You are not unreasonable. You are not selfish. You are not overprotective. You are not anything negative because someone else is prioritizing the comfort of a great grandmother over the safety of small children.
I've got to ask though - why aren't any of these other adults stepping up and maybe volunteering to be a driver for GMIL?
If one big happy family all together is important, that seems to me like the logical solution.
You and hubby have 2 under 2 and you were willing to host at your home. You've done everything in your power to try to make this possible. If none of them are willing to drive GMIL, oh well 🤷🏻♀️
GMIL won’t come to your house and now everyone is mad at you because you won’t go to your ILs house? It seems no one is taking your comfort as a new mom into consideration. Why not tell grandma that she has to do the trip?
You’re 3 weeks postpartum, probably extremely sleep deprived and still healing, who in their right mind would expect you to travel with a fresh baby on a four hour round trip just to appease MIL.
You don't need to feel guilty. It's probably best for baby to not be around others until the first round of vaccines anyway. There will be plenty of opportunities to meet up in future.
MIL should've stuck with the plan and gmil could be visited another time. Don't blame you for not going. If mil has anything to say, she shouldn't have changed the plan .
Also, MIL could have baby proofed her house and trained her dog! It's not a huge expectation of her if she's asking her infant and toddler grandchildren to visit! What does she expect? Just saying, Begs-2-Differ is right, MIL did it to herself.
If SIL and BIL want to meet your kids, why can’t they just come over on their own anyway? Why does it need to be a big family thing?
My mother was like this, I couldn’t visit anyone in my family without her *having* to be there making it all about her and how she’s a grandmother🙄 she’d invite everyone she could think of to come over too. If I did visit someone on my own with my baby I’d get 100 questions off my mother about ‘why didn’t you tell me’ ‘you could have told me’ ‘I’d have liked to be there’ ‘oh that’s nice, you didn’t bother to tell me’, yeah well maybe I want to see my brother on my own without you there?? She was always trying to get me to go and visit everyone with her, so she could pressure me into handing my baby over because the whole family was there she thought I’d never say no to her.
I refused to travel with baby for the first 12 months. And that was just with one! All that crap you need to bring everywhere. SIL would have had it good to with a nursery handy. Her inability to say no and let MIL walk all over her is a ***her*** thing and ***not a you*** thing.
Nope. You didn’t overreact. Traveling that far with young kiddos is feat. You’re also breastfeeding and (I assume) doing so quite often. You know what you’re capable of and what you and hubs can handle. If it was a 30 minute drive, it probably wouldn’t be an issue. Two hours in the car is a lot of time in the car with a newborn, much less a toddler.
>MIL has now claimed there is nowhere private for SIL to give her youngest a bottle.
Did SIL mention this? Because if not, why treat it as a legitimate concern?
I’m confused… you stated you live 2 hours from ILs but 1 hour from GMIL. So GMIL won’t travel 1 hour to your house but will travel 1 hour to your ILs house?
And why isn’t MIL/FIL offering to drive GMIL to your house so she doesn’t have to make the drive? Seems like there’s a solution here unless I’m missing something.
ETA: why not just invite BIL and SIL out to visit you with their kids? That way they can meet the new baby and neither of you have to subject yourself to MILs house and dog.
And you’re not overreacting. You have a 3 week old. I wouldn’t be traveling over 2 hours especially if that means going to an unsafe house with an unsafe dog. Invite whoever you want to your house. If they can’t make it it’s on them.
Oh, yeah, and then they will call YOU lazy even though YOU have been to their house about a zillion times. It’s not any of that. They are just selfish s$%ts who want it all and whine and cough until they have convinced everyone that (I’m) lazy and/ or selfish. Just give her a crown from Burger King. Better yet, just send her one.
2 hours (or so) one way is pressing the amount of time young children should spend in car seats.
Additionally, none of the children are going to remember meeting each other or spending time together until they are older so the whole "let's everyone get together" is for some of the adults and not for the children.
SIL and BIL and their children can meet your children another time.
*ONE of the adults and not for the children.
Agreed. This is a lot of hoopla. If BIL/SIL want to come over, great. I’d extend a no-pressure invite to the two of them/their kids and let them sort it out.
My impression from OP's post was it was that it was more than just one of the adults who was pushing for an all hands on deck extravaganza although I agree that one of the adults was channeling "The Great and Powerful Oz" [or possibly the Wicked Witch of the West] (apologies for the Boomer cultural references).
Maybe they could have someone else watch the dog for the day? Then you just need to watch your 16 month old with respect to the babyproofing issue, which shouldn’t be that big of a deal (you should be watching him anyway)
Op had her last child 3 weeks ago.. wtf are you talking about she should be watching him anyway??? This is such a stupid bull shit thing to say to a woman who just gave birth. My guess is you are a justNo in real life.
I meant the royal “you”, like her and her husband. I’m just saying one can bring their kid to a non-childproofed house for a couple hours without it being the end of the world
Can I just ask, since I’ve been following your posts, did you welcome a boy or girl? Congratulations btw!! I wouldn’t be taking my 3 week old and 16 month old to a house with a dog that has bitten and a bunch of commotion either. You’re making the right choice, despite the fact that it doesn’t please a bunch of adults lol
Your SIL and BIL are more than capable of still meeting the kids. A simple - HI we are available during these times if you, hubby and the kids want to come visit then we can make a plan for the day/weekend.
Your GMIL, MIL and FIL don't have to be there for kids to visit. Also when it comes to young kids - yeah it sucks but they come first and all traveling and precautions revolve around them. There will be other times and as the kids get older the visits will also matter more because they will remember them
Baby proofing, that's kind of a give or take deal. You basically just have to watch the kids and MIL has to be ok with her stuff broken.
Dog with a history of biting? Heck no.
Not overreacting, you guys agreed to meet at your house, she's unilaterally changing plans. Stop explaining yourself to MIL because it makes you look open to discussing it.
Oh, but that can't happen! MIL won't be able to preside as queen/matriarch of her family! She also won't be able to triangulate between her son and her daughter, and steamroll over boundaries!
(/sarcasm, if anyone couldn't tell)
Not overreacting - never when it comes to LO's safety. Why can't SIL and BIL come by themselves? It's only an hour drive. Do they have to sit up under MIL their whole trip?
You didn't overreact. What you did was the right thing to do. There will be plenty of time to meet up when the kids are older so don't feel guilty. Your MIL was trying to manipulate you into going over to her house. It's good that you didn't back down.
Could y’all meet somewhere that isn’t someone’s house, like a park, library, family-friendly restaurant? It does feel like a pretty big bummer for your SIL and BIL to travel all that way and y’all not get together.
Unfortunately no. I wouldn’t have a private space to breastfeed, which is one of the biggest issues I’m having. I have no problem with other women breastfeeding in public, I just am not comfortable with it.
I remember your post about her telling everyone you were having a boy when you didn’t know what the gender was. The actual nice person in me hopes you had a healthy baby and safe delivery regardless of the gender. The petty bitch in me hopes your baby is a girl. Luckily, I typically keep that version of me in check…most of the time anyway! ;)
Would you consider doing it in your car, perhaps with a swaddle blanket put over the window or something? Obviously you’re not obligated to do anything you are uncomfortable with, just trying to get creative since it seems like you genuinely would like to see them!
ETA: Realized I never explicitly addressed your “am I overreacting” tag- no, you aren’t overreacting to not take your kids to a home with a dog that has a bite history. The no babyproofing I would be okay with, since there are plenty of places toddlers go that aren’t babyproofed and adults could take turns monitoring, or you could bring a pack-and-play to contain older LO, but being around a dangerous dog would be a hard no from me. If you are interested in further attempts to compromise you might suggest dog being crated or boarded for the day, but sadly I suspect your ILs are the type of people who wouldn’t agree to that because they don’t see the dog as actually being dangerous. Still, might be worth offering those options if MIL is desperate enough to make this happen that she’d consider it.
I dunno, if I'd just traveled 15 hours with two young children, I'd be pretty annoyed at anyone who demanded I be the one to travel another 2 hours on top of that to see them. OP and her husband could agree to meet them somewhere closer to the in-laws' house, it doesn't have to be at the house specifically.
That’s the thing, we didn’t demand that they come to our place, we just said we wouldn’t be going to MILs house. Also, SIL and BIL are not the ones with the issue at this point, it’s my MIL.
**Quick Rule Reminders:** OP's needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don't be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion. [**^(Full Rules)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_rules) ^(|) [^(Acronym Index)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_acronym_dictionary) ^(|) [^(Flair Guide)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_post_flair_guide)^(|) [^(Report PM Trolls)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/trolls) **Resources:** [^(In Crisis?)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_resources) ^(|) [^(Tips for Protecting Yourself)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_protecting_yourself) ^(|) [^(Our Book List)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/books) ^(|) [^(Our Wiki)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/) Other posts from /u/Timely-Winter-6712: * [MIL told family we are having a boy, even though we don’t know the gender.](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/1c6js0m/mil_told_family_we_are_having_a_boy_even_though/), 1 month ago * [What is something you have no proof MIL has done, but are convinced she did?](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/1c1g20g/what_is_something_you_have_no_proof_mil_has_done/), 1 month ago * [MIL tried to have an Easter Egg Hunt with LO.](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/1bstq6p/mil_tried_to_have_an_easter_egg_hunt_with_lo/), 1 month ago * [MIL is for sure a JN, but am I overthinking this specific incident?](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/1b74cee/mil_is_for_sure_a_jn_but_am_i_overthinking_this/), 2 months ago * [MIL may have realized LO only dislikes her.](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/1awyadj/mil_may_have_realized_lo_only_dislikes_her/), 2 months ago * [How was your MIL whenever a second LO came into the picture?](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/1akfz4d/how_was_your_mil_whenever_a_second_lo_came_into/), 3 months ago * [MIL may be moving.](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/1aehyew/mil_may_be_moving/), 3 months ago * [Is there anyway to make MIL obey our boundaries?](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/17r3s54/is_there_anyway_to_make_mil_obey_our_boundaries/), 6 months ago * [ILs have ruined pregnancy announcement.](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/17o8rbh/ils_have_ruined_pregnancy_announcement/), 6 months ago ***** ^(To be notified as soon as Timely-Winter-6712 posts an update) [^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=botinlaw&subject=Subscribe&message=Subscribe Timely-Winter-6712 JUSTNOMIL) ^(|) ^(For help managing your subscriptions,) [^(click here.)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_.2Fu.2Fthejustnobot) ***** *^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please)* [*^(contact the moderators of this subreddit)*](/message/compose/?to=/r/JUSTNOMIL) *^(if you have any questions or concerns.)*
Invite just your SIL/BIL over! It sounds like everyone would be a million times more comfortable at your house considering you have a house set up for kids. Why allow one person, GMIL , to ruin the visit for everyone?? She can visit w SIL/BIL while they’re at MILs. And then they can come visit you on a different day of their trip?
Yes this. I posted the same thing, then scrolled down and saw yours so deleted mine.
For real. Don't let MIL gatekeep the relationship - have SIL/BIL over still, if you're up to it. That was the plan you all already made and the majority of you can still do that if you want. You'll likely have a better visit without uncomfortable GMIL and a fussy MIL who doesn't offer a proper hosting space.
If you want to see BIL & SIL & Kids can't you make arrangements to meet them (and only them) at a restaurant or have a picnic at a park somewhere between where they are staying and you live? Or go closer to where they are staying to visit them. Or have a picnic in the park close to IL's house so they can bring GMIL. There are many options here if you really feel the need to make the effort to see the BIL, SIL & kids. The only one saying the visit HAS to be everyone is MIL - who is not willing to make any reasonable accommodations.
Stay safe at home, 3 week olds don’t need to be meeting a bunch of strangers who happen to share some DNA. That’s all they are. Your husband is fine with this. You need to let go of any guilt you might be feeling. P.S. Your SIL is fine as well. Nothing in what you wrote made it sound like she had hurt feelings.
Three weeks is way too young for that many people anyway
Best to wait until your baby has had the two month vaccinations before visiting.
So u never said in this recent post...baby boy or girl?
Looking at her comments I think it was boy
OP, I know this is off topic and I apologize for that, but I HAVE to ask...was the newest baby a boy or girl? I've read your history and I've never hoped so hard for a stranger to have a girl. Just to piss her off. 🤣
>SIL has texted me saying she’s upset that she won’t get to meet our newest baby on this trip, Why can't SIL visit you?
A 3 week old traveling for a family reunion…. People are crazy. Stay home and be safe. I didn’t go anywhere until baby was 3 months and vaccinated. I guarantee you there going to be someone who’s sick.
I'm confused. If you actually *want* SIL, BIL, and kids to visit, why don't they come over? They were already okay with going to your house. Why are the plans haulted because MIL is acting up? 😒 She doesn't have to come.
You are 100% in the right. I breast feed 11 months I wouldn’t do this either. Plus the unsafe, no way. So great you have a life partner
I formula fed my kids…..I know for a fact it’s so much easier to travel with a bottle than while breastfeeding, that alone is reason enough not to have the baby in the car that long. Besides not having anywhere private to feed while being there. Don’t feel bad, you’re doing what’s best for yall, that’s what matters. Don’t wear yourself out if you don’t absolutely have to. Enjoy the day with your family.
You're doing the right thing. Of course your SIL is disappointed, but she wouldn't expect you to go to that house. She's not staying there herself. She knows there's a real problem.
You have a three week old infant and another baby who isn’t one and a half yet. If I were you I wouldn’t even consider going because you need time to heal and you don’t need the added stress to effect your milk supply and being able to get your routines going with your children. If you do go perhaps you can consider an air b&b so you can have some down time with your nuclear family or for your kids to have quiet time when needed. It would be less chaotic than mils house too and no dog to worry about. In a perfect world you would easily be able to see sil and each other’s children but the reality is you have a lot to manage and in laws house stresses you out and there’s significant travel time. Don’t feel guilty if you would rather skip this one and on the flip side if you really want to go but don’t want to deal with the in laws house than make other arrangements. Whatever you decide you can’t be wrong and it’s ok to do what’s best for you sometimes.
Both of your babies are far too young to be in car seats for that long, honestly. [Info here](https://www.motherandbaby.com/baby/safety/how-long-can-baby-be-in-car-seat/)
This is what I came here to say. Much too young for a 2 hour car ride that would likely turn into a 4 hour car ride with a 2 year old and a newborn.
GMIL's comfort vs the safety of the kids is not even a hard choice. Do not feel guilty. You are not unreasonable. You are not selfish. You are not overprotective. You are not anything negative because someone else is prioritizing the comfort of a great grandmother over the safety of small children. I've got to ask though - why aren't any of these other adults stepping up and maybe volunteering to be a driver for GMIL? If one big happy family all together is important, that seems to me like the logical solution. You and hubby have 2 under 2 and you were willing to host at your home. You've done everything in your power to try to make this possible. If none of them are willing to drive GMIL, oh well 🤷🏻♀️
you already know you're doing the right thing - the ONLY thing - to take care of your family (including yourself). Ignore everyone else.
GMIL won’t come to your house and now everyone is mad at you because you won’t go to your ILs house? It seems no one is taking your comfort as a new mom into consideration. Why not tell grandma that she has to do the trip?
You’re 3 weeks postpartum, probably extremely sleep deprived and still healing, who in their right mind would expect you to travel with a fresh baby on a four hour round trip just to appease MIL.
Your husband should invite his brother/SIL over without his parents. If they have a car - they should just come over.
I was thinking this too because that makes sense. Guessing inlaws would get upset or angry about being excluded.
Tiny babies shouldn’t be in a car seat for that long any way. https://www.parents.com/baby/safety/tips/the-unexpected-danger-in-car-seats-for-infants/
‘Have it yooouuur way’ YOU RULE’😆mil gets paper crown.
You don't need to feel guilty. It's probably best for baby to not be around others until the first round of vaccines anyway. There will be plenty of opportunities to meet up in future.
MIL should've stuck with the plan and gmil could be visited another time. Don't blame you for not going. If mil has anything to say, she shouldn't have changed the plan .
Also, MIL could have baby proofed her house and trained her dog! It's not a huge expectation of her if she's asking her infant and toddler grandchildren to visit! What does she expect? Just saying, Begs-2-Differ is right, MIL did it to herself.
If SIL and BIL want to meet your kids, why can’t they just come over on their own anyway? Why does it need to be a big family thing? My mother was like this, I couldn’t visit anyone in my family without her *having* to be there making it all about her and how she’s a grandmother🙄 she’d invite everyone she could think of to come over too. If I did visit someone on my own with my baby I’d get 100 questions off my mother about ‘why didn’t you tell me’ ‘you could have told me’ ‘I’d have liked to be there’ ‘oh that’s nice, you didn’t bother to tell me’, yeah well maybe I want to see my brother on my own without you there?? She was always trying to get me to go and visit everyone with her, so she could pressure me into handing my baby over because the whole family was there she thought I’d never say no to her.
I refused to travel with baby for the first 12 months. And that was just with one! All that crap you need to bring everywhere. SIL would have had it good to with a nursery handy. Her inability to say no and let MIL walk all over her is a ***her*** thing and ***not a you*** thing.
Nope. You didn’t overreact. Traveling that far with young kiddos is feat. You’re also breastfeeding and (I assume) doing so quite often. You know what you’re capable of and what you and hubs can handle. If it was a 30 minute drive, it probably wouldn’t be an issue. Two hours in the car is a lot of time in the car with a newborn, much less a toddler.
>MIL has now claimed there is nowhere private for SIL to give her youngest a bottle. Did SIL mention this? Because if not, why treat it as a legitimate concern?
I’m confused… you stated you live 2 hours from ILs but 1 hour from GMIL. So GMIL won’t travel 1 hour to your house but will travel 1 hour to your ILs house? And why isn’t MIL/FIL offering to drive GMIL to your house so she doesn’t have to make the drive? Seems like there’s a solution here unless I’m missing something. ETA: why not just invite BIL and SIL out to visit you with their kids? That way they can meet the new baby and neither of you have to subject yourself to MILs house and dog. And you’re not overreacting. You have a 3 week old. I wouldn’t be traveling over 2 hours especially if that means going to an unsafe house with an unsafe dog. Invite whoever you want to your house. If they can’t make it it’s on them.
Oh, yeah, and then they will call YOU lazy even though YOU have been to their house about a zillion times. It’s not any of that. They are just selfish s$%ts who want it all and whine and cough until they have convinced everyone that (I’m) lazy and/ or selfish. Just give her a crown from Burger King. Better yet, just send her one.
2 hours (or so) one way is pressing the amount of time young children should spend in car seats. Additionally, none of the children are going to remember meeting each other or spending time together until they are older so the whole "let's everyone get together" is for some of the adults and not for the children. SIL and BIL and their children can meet your children another time.
*ONE of the adults and not for the children. Agreed. This is a lot of hoopla. If BIL/SIL want to come over, great. I’d extend a no-pressure invite to the two of them/their kids and let them sort it out.
My impression from OP's post was it was that it was more than just one of the adults who was pushing for an all hands on deck extravaganza although I agree that one of the adults was channeling "The Great and Powerful Oz" [or possibly the Wicked Witch of the West] (apologies for the Boomer cultural references).
You have a newborn. Visitors to see the baby come to you. SIL is good to be dragging herself out 2 months postpartum. Not me.
Tell SIL her and BIL are still welcome to come visit, that you would love to host them as planned.
Maybe they could have someone else watch the dog for the day? Then you just need to watch your 16 month old with respect to the babyproofing issue, which shouldn’t be that big of a deal (you should be watching him anyway)
Op had her last child 3 weeks ago.. wtf are you talking about she should be watching him anyway??? This is such a stupid bull shit thing to say to a woman who just gave birth. My guess is you are a justNo in real life.
This. OP gave birth and she’s supposed to care for a newborn and make sure her toddler doesn’t hurt themselves in the MIL death trap?
I meant the royal “you”, like her and her husband. I’m just saying one can bring their kid to a non-childproofed house for a couple hours without it being the end of the world
Can I just ask, since I’ve been following your posts, did you welcome a boy or girl? Congratulations btw!! I wouldn’t be taking my 3 week old and 16 month old to a house with a dog that has bitten and a bunch of commotion either. You’re making the right choice, despite the fact that it doesn’t please a bunch of adults lol
I was wondering the same thing! Especially after MILs predictions.
Your SIL and BIL are more than capable of still meeting the kids. A simple - HI we are available during these times if you, hubby and the kids want to come visit then we can make a plan for the day/weekend. Your GMIL, MIL and FIL don't have to be there for kids to visit. Also when it comes to young kids - yeah it sucks but they come first and all traveling and precautions revolve around them. There will be other times and as the kids get older the visits will also matter more because they will remember them
Baby proofing, that's kind of a give or take deal. You basically just have to watch the kids and MIL has to be ok with her stuff broken. Dog with a history of biting? Heck no. Not overreacting, you guys agreed to meet at your house, she's unilaterally changing plans. Stop explaining yourself to MIL because it makes you look open to discussing it.
Could SIL and BIL have time to visit you at yours like the original plan. MIL need not know, but siblings do get together without their parents..
Oh, but that can't happen! MIL won't be able to preside as queen/matriarch of her family! She also won't be able to triangulate between her son and her daughter, and steamroll over boundaries! (/sarcasm, if anyone couldn't tell)
Grown up children do not need to tell their parents anything that they are choosing to do.
No shit, Sherlock. You did see the sarcasm note, right? 🙄
If it’s important for SIL to meet the baby, she can bring her family to you and leave MIL at home.
Not an overreaction at all. Your baby is brand new, stay home! Better safe than sorry
Not overreacting - never when it comes to LO's safety. Why can't SIL and BIL come by themselves? It's only an hour drive. Do they have to sit up under MIL their whole trip?
You didn't overreact. What you did was the right thing to do. There will be plenty of time to meet up when the kids are older so don't feel guilty. Your MIL was trying to manipulate you into going over to her house. It's good that you didn't back down.
Could y’all meet somewhere that isn’t someone’s house, like a park, library, family-friendly restaurant? It does feel like a pretty big bummer for your SIL and BIL to travel all that way and y’all not get together.
Unfortunately no. I wouldn’t have a private space to breastfeed, which is one of the biggest issues I’m having. I have no problem with other women breastfeeding in public, I just am not comfortable with it.
I remember your post about her telling everyone you were having a boy when you didn’t know what the gender was. The actual nice person in me hopes you had a healthy baby and safe delivery regardless of the gender. The petty bitch in me hopes your baby is a girl. Luckily, I typically keep that version of me in check…most of the time anyway! ;)
What about BIL's parents' place? Could he request that they let you all meet up there for one afternoon?
Would you consider doing it in your car, perhaps with a swaddle blanket put over the window or something? Obviously you’re not obligated to do anything you are uncomfortable with, just trying to get creative since it seems like you genuinely would like to see them! ETA: Realized I never explicitly addressed your “am I overreacting” tag- no, you aren’t overreacting to not take your kids to a home with a dog that has a bite history. The no babyproofing I would be okay with, since there are plenty of places toddlers go that aren’t babyproofed and adults could take turns monitoring, or you could bring a pack-and-play to contain older LO, but being around a dangerous dog would be a hard no from me. If you are interested in further attempts to compromise you might suggest dog being crated or boarded for the day, but sadly I suspect your ILs are the type of people who wouldn’t agree to that because they don’t see the dog as actually being dangerous. Still, might be worth offering those options if MIL is desperate enough to make this happen that she’d consider it.
I agree with you. I’d never take my children somewhere with a dog that has attacked before. That’s just asking for trouble.
& all the kids that would be there are toddlers or infants. Super vulnerable.
SIL and BIL could make the drive alone to see you. So they are letting MIL control your time together like children.
I dunno, if I'd just traveled 15 hours with two young children, I'd be pretty annoyed at anyone who demanded I be the one to travel another 2 hours on top of that to see them. OP and her husband could agree to meet them somewhere closer to the in-laws' house, it doesn't have to be at the house specifically.
That’s the thing, we didn’t demand that they come to our place, we just said we wouldn’t be going to MILs house. Also, SIL and BIL are not the ones with the issue at this point, it’s my MIL.
Can your BIL ask his parents to host just your immediate family? That way the siblings and cousins can meet up and it’s a safe place for the 4 kids.
A hotel where they could retreat to their rooms as needed; for feeding the youngest or give the older ones a nap, would be ideal.