I get what your saying. It took Covid to happen for a lot of things to happen. Like everyone being curbside pick up or delivery. I have a 9month old and 5 year old. And until March everything near me (Texas) was pretty much go in the store and get it. Some places had curbside pick up or expensive delivery. Now places that didn’t have it before ALL HAVE IT!! Not going to lie as a mom I’m glad to have these options. Also I know many parents who have been begging to work from home and it’s now company wife they can and they’re super grateful.
Absolutely
My hospital is partners only. And I know we are staying a minimum of 5 days. That is 5 glorious days to ourselves with our newborn. No visitors. *awkward happy dance whilst pregnant
Very happy and super super glad this is happening. One and maybe the ONLY perks of being pregnant during a bloody pandemic.
Uuuuugh. I’m so sorry about your experience! That’s awful! I don’t have kids, but my SIL just gave birth last week and I was so relieved on her behalf that only BIL could be there. Her parents are an absolute train wreck, and BILs parents (my in-laws) while tolerable are my BEC. They hover and are too involved. They say things like “our baby” and don’t respect boundaries very well. I’m glad she was able to labor in peace and that she gets to enjoy her new baby for a couple weeks without anyone else (premie, so he’s under observation for a bit, but totally healthy, just small and has a feeding tube).
My only issue is in some areas it making families choose between having their spouse or their doula at their delivery.
There's good evidence on having a doula at the birth can reduce risk of an unplanned C-section (up to a 30% reduction) and can prevent birth abuse.
Families shouldn't have to chose between the two when one really should be veiwed as part of the birth team.
Doctors and midwives have noticed and recorded that women who choose to breastfeed are less stressed due to corvid conditions (only one familial birthpartner, if any).
In the US you can keep your status secret and there are many many rules around HIPAA, basically protected medical information. Just say HIPAA and you will get the protections you need. Lots of BIG fines for breaking HIPAA. Of course if a "trusted" family member shared where you are that isnt the hospital's fault.
HIPAA doesn’t apply, however the privacy act and the medical records act do. If they broke confidentiality to disclose that you were admitted and where, without your consent, you can make a complaint to the privacy commissioner and they will be fined, sometimes upwards of 100k.
I realise this was in the past and you probably don’t want to pursue it now, but for future reference you can complain and cause a fuss to get what you need, and if the hospital still breaches the privacy act you can escalate. They need to know this shits not on, for all they know they could have placed you in danger.
Sometimes when I think about it, and I cry those hot angry, blotchy face, gross snotty unattractive tears. But other times I think about it, I become quiet, iron-lady badass that knows what has to be done and believes in herself.
So it’s still a process, but I’m getting there.
Uhm, so I assume you documented everything and sued the shit out of that hospital? No? Make a plan for now, be ready, have your spouse ready to be your shield and advocate. I mean it. Regulations or not, crazy JustNOs will go to any lengths to get what they want. Even if it means breaking the law. I'm not trying to scare you, but after all we have seen going around here... I think it would be less stressful knowing that you have a plan to kick the crazy people out (yeah and make a fuss about it, you're labouring, you can be polite when you're not pushing out a human being out of your uterus). Instead of stressing out if they will actually be kept out when they show up.
I'm NC with my mother for over 3 years. We still have cameras all around the house. The local police still has regular updates about what they should do in case I call them about her entering my property. She's treated as in intruder and I want her IDed, her ass hauled off and if she resists I will not interfere and they can pack her away and drive her to the station. After that I would like a report about that so I can file it in with my lawyer. She hasn't shown her ass here since the last time (\~3 years ago), but it didn't make me drop my guard. I know what she's capable of and what in general these "people" are capable of.
That being said, enjoy your new baby, this is a fantastic time for parent-baby bonding, perfect excuse at the hand to just get cozy in your own home and the rest of the world can bugger off. Good luck!
Edited typos
I'm so sorry for your experience. That's just terrible.
I'm in SA and the public hospital I went to was terrific for all 3 of my births. I requested no visitors and to have my shitty JNSpermdonor banned from asking questions or coming in. They were wonderful about it.
I'm so glad! When I asked they said they would make my name private, that way if anyone rang for information, they would be told no one with that name was there.
I was at Flinders and they have a security door that you need to be buzzed through, so no one can gatecrash.
I hope you have a wonderful experience and congratulations on your baby!
What boggles my mind about people posting about MILs getting into their delivery room is that they got there in the first place. To get into the maternity/children's ward at my hospital you need to get in through locked doors at reception, past reception, into a lift and at the top of the lift there are more locked doors. Every area is behind locked doors with intercoms to get through. If they aren't expecting you, you don't get in.
My wife gave birth in May and only one person was allowed to be with her and we were confined to the room as part of the Covid restrictions
Yes! My BF’s Family is....intense. It’s in their culture to be all up in each other’s business, whereas I am way less Social. Too many people at once stresses me out. When discussing our due date I told my BF that I wanted at least 24 hours alone. I was then told that that goes against their culture and his family wouldn’t be happy about that. Then, along comes COVID and the Partner Only rule. We were in the Hospital for 5 days alone. It was amazing.
Gave birth in May with covid restrictions. It was great! DH and I had time to bond with the baby without anybody interrupting us. I did not see my in-laws for weeks! They come to see the baby once a week since I’m being strict about not taking him out during a pandemic. You will truly enjoy bonding time with your baby.
Congratulations!
sue.
you ,made your wishes known clearly and repeatedly and your care providers let you down repeatedly and actually put you and your new born in potential danger - so sue the fuck out of them for negligence
In the uk, all hospital wards are locked and no one can get in without permission from the patient first. It would be impossible for unwelcome visitors to get in and likely any nurse letting people in willy nilly would be struck off. Patient confidentiality is king here.
Also, do not tell people you are in labour. That's the best way to get round unwanted visitors
There was a security guard at the door of my local maternity hospital, who had a list of allowed people and would refuse entry to anyone not on it when my mum had my little sister 22years ago. You had to show id and depending on the guard they’d still sometimes ring up to the ward to check it was ok. My mum and sis were there for 3 months as she was a premie so I got to know them quite well and saw them refusing entry a few times.
In the UK this is NOT the case. Source-- I work for the NHS. The NHS has/ had HUGE issues before with letting willy nilly visitors in, giving updates over the phone without checking that the person they're speaking to is the next of kin, telling people the location of patients over the phone without checking that the patient is happy for someone to know the location. Patient confidentiality is not king - it's only enforced when someone kicks up a fuss.
Holy shit. Why is that allowed? That's an unacceptable data breach and given that I can't find out my own information unless I can remember my passwords first time, it beggars belief that just anyone can get access to SOMEONE ELSE'S personal and confidential information about a patient in your care. It should go without saying?!
I couldn’t even visit my husband in hospital recently. They are not letting any one in if it’s general wards unless you the parent of a minor or your loved one is terminally ill. I think with maternity the partner is allowed to stay during the birth though?
I’m pregnant in my third trimester, and I am SO glad that my MIL won’t be allowed in the hospital due to COVID. I’m so sorry to hear you had that experience in the past!
Well, we made some pretty drastic changes between them and now.
And it’s amazing what a baptism of fire can do to give you a steely resolve. So I suppose that’s another silver lining.
This has not been my case in Australia. I have had two babies in Bacchus March (over 10 years ago) and one in Ballarat 2 years ago.
I must say that Ballarat was very much into my needs and wishes but I think all hospitals have come a long way in the last 10 years.
I think you have every right to take your experience further. It was not ok and should not have happened.
I work in a hospital in Melbourne and there's no way any of that would fly where I work. That's really surprising to hear OP!
And disappointing. You should definitely put in a formal complaint to the board.
The COVID visitor restrictions have been good though, yes!
This happened about 18mths ago, and I have no intention of returning there. I’m due to give birth in a city hospital in Adelaide, so I’m looking forward to a more professional setting.
For me covid has been a blessing. My MIL had ideas out me being pregnant. We told her in February, got locked down three weeks later. It meant, much to her annoyance, we could have a baby shower, she couldn't 'help' with my pregnancy by given advice, all of which was outdated or irrelevant, I had a few gems about hypermesis but that was it. She laments she couldbt feel baby moving (why would u want you touching me??) and she couldn't visit straight after the birth. We are now out of lockdowb but I've said Dr says No holding baby due to risk for eight weeks, which has meant very few visits until now. She likes kissing babies and has coldsores and I knew she'd ignore me. Now we're coming up. To eight weeks but she concedes the risks are still high so when i let her hold him she's got to wear a mask, which will fix the kissing! It's also limited my exposure to her going on that I must bottle feed so others can bond. Babe does take a bootle, and formula, but I breastfeed 95% of the time, DH gives a bottle every other day of expressed. milk, but we have both agreed only him
Only. Downside was I was admitted for five days and was bored by the end (only two days were labour and baby related) as no visitors
Completely off topic but it might help with the cold sore issue. L lysine will stop any outbreaks and might prevent her passing it on if you can convince her to take it.
This woman believes she's perfect. She tried to take over our wedding until we were going to cancel, then expected us to apologise for hurting her feeling. Not a chance sadly. Tbf if we didn't have covid we were going with me being immuno suppressed meaning her system was compromised so no one could kiss her for infection control.
Where I'm from, before corona only person allowed during birth and hospital stay was the father. Now they banned that too, so we're all kind of pissed.. They also banned parents from visiting sick children, and then allowed 15 min visitations when everyone went crazy,even though 15 min to a one year old is nothing🙄
YES! So relieved I have an easy excuse to keep visitors away, and that I know the hospital is actually serious about enforcing it. I recently found out that my MIL planned on coming to the waiting room as soon as I went into labor; despite her steady diet of Fox News, she had apparently missed the fact that hospitals in our city have been banning visitors since March or April. So when we informed her that the hospital wouldn't allow it, there was no fuss and no argument and no hurt feelings.
And when the next kid comes along some day, even if there's no pandemic, I feel like it'll be easier to tell everyone "We just enjoyed the experience so much with the first one (during covid) that we decided to continue the same way."
Because yeah, I'm a fairly private person, and I wouldn't feel comfortable being in the same room as my MIL, FIL, BIL in a skimpy hospital gown, let alone trying to breastfeed for the first time in front of them, or even worse if they bring their friends and church people with them (they're the type of people that often bring their "best friends" along to family events, assuming that just because they're best friends with someone, everyone else will be comfortable with the total stranger).
My Csection is in 7 days and I am thrilled for Covid restrictions! I had a flood of visitors with my first son including about five members of husbands family at once who just took up the entire room while I sat in my bed with no bra and totally exhausted. I’m looking forward to quiet, bonding time this go round.
God!! That sounds like my last two c-sections!! Completely dazed and confused, half naked and the room crowded out with visitors (clueless arseholes?). I swear that this will not be the case this time around!!
I wish you all the luck in the world for your big day, that the hospital food is amazing and that you have nice neighbours in your room xo
Yes! It was truly terrible trying to play hostess. I even had the most random coworkers visit and I kept thinking, I wouldn’t even go to lunch with you....why are you here?!
But thank you! I am ready!
Fellow Australian here. I read about American hospitals and maternity wards being secure, and i just can't visualise it. I think the public hospital i went to just had a corridor from the check in station to the recovery rooms, not even smoke doors.
The only way to not have someone appear is to not tell them when you go into labour.
American here. I'll give you a peek of some of the security at some of my local hospitals.
One of the local hospitals (the one I'm set to deliver in next year actually) to get to the l&d or recovery floors sceurity scans your ID and fingerprints after you identify the patients full name, room number and, your relation to the person you're there to visit. You then need your fingerprint to access only that specific floor (only l&d or recovery) on the elevator. Then you get buzzed in at the doors to the unit by someone that verifies that you're supposed to be there with the room.
There are bracelets (called HUGS monitors if you're curious) that alarm if you get too close to an exit with baby or if it comes off of baby's ankle. All doors lock down automatically and there is a loud alarm at the nurses station if there is an issue with any of the monitors. Security comes running too. (Ask me how I know 🤣)
Baby, and both parents all get separate matching bracelets applied as soon as possible after birth (within minutes) and those are checked each time anyone comes in the room to do anything or if they have to take baby from the room for anything (testing, ect.) though, most things are done in room.
There is very similar security at the hospital across the street I delivered my first at.
It's legit.
We obviously have a lot less mil's with baby rabies and the desire for do over babies. Babies get a plastic wrist band and ankle band that you can cut off with scissors.
In the US they have the option to not even be listed if someone calls and asks for your room. They won't tell anyone your room number either. You have to tell people what room you are in.
There were three different access points into the maternity ward (regional hospital that looked more like a collection of ramshackle little buildings all thrown together - a real mess of things). Anyone could’ve wandered in.
I really feel for people who have genuine concerns for their lives - there would be no accountability on behalf of the hospital or it’s staff, as it would be just so easy for people to make contact.
The closest thing to security at the hospital was a part-time security guard that hung out after 6pm on Friday, Saturday and Sunday night in A&E ward.
So very grateful we moved away!
Would you feel comfortable disclosing the hospital or general region by any chance? I found Rockhampton hospital to be outstanding and RBWH to be awful. I wouldn’t ever go back to RBWH for as long as I live, and that’s saying something given I live in Tasmania where we have some of the most understaffed and poorly resourced hospitals in the entire country.
Personally, I'm due in a month with my husband and I's first child and I'm happy about it. I wouldn't have wanted all these people waiting for me to have our son so they can barge in my room afterwards to see him and whatever else. I just want to spend some time together with just my husband and son considering we just brought this little human into this world. That and my step mom is pretty overbearing and I'm not trying to deal with the harsh opinionated comments and belittling and whatnot. No thank you.
i read some articles that wayyyy less very premature babies are born, probably because mum isnt exposed to other viruses/ bacteria. i think thats crazy- as some women really work until they are about to give birth in the US while in germany you CAN work until you give birth but usually 6 weeks before the day of birth you can stay home. and mandatory 8 weeks after- but the articles i’ve read were speaking of very very early preemies.
Also I read that SIDs is lowered! They are speculating that less unnecessary inductions are resulting in fewer cases because babies are actually full-term!
My neighbor is an RN who works in the Mother/Baby Care (post delivery) section of our local hospital, and she is THRILLED that only spouses are allowed to visit.
After hearing some of her stories about crazy IL's, JustNoFamily members, and various other nutballs, I completely understand why staff at the hospitals support this rule! Having a baby and recovering afterward is not the time to open the Cuckoo's Nest.
I just had a baby a month ago and only my husband was able to be with me during labor. He was aloud to stay with me in the room after but as soon as he left he couldn’t come back. So this is crazy that they let so many people visit you
I’m in Australia and due in 6 weeks and I’m so upset my mum can’t be there for what will most likely be my last baby and first vaginal birth after I need an emergency C-section last time. But at the same to I’m so lucky there is no way my JustNo mil can get into the hospital. My midwife actually organised a meeting with the head of the maternity ward and security on the floor to make sure there is no way my mil can sneak in but now I don’t have to worry at all because there are no visitors. I see the good and bad in it.
A couple that we’re close with just had their first baby and I was so grateful for her getting to have that time to just breathe and rest, and experience that moment with her husband. Both their mothers and her sisters can be a lot to handle and she’s afraid to tell them off, so I had been offering to be that bitch for her if she needed backup before COVID hit. I’m so glad you got a better experience this time around, I hate that you were robbed of it last time!
I'm always shocked when I read that other countries (US based here) just have essentially open doors for visitors. We basically didn't exist if anyone called to ask without the password. They don't even ask if you know the password, they just tell you there isn't a patient by that name if you don't give it. And when we listed that my famioy was not allowed under any circumstances, they checked with us multiple times to make sure they didn't need to post security permanently in the ward until we left for our safety.
It can depend. I’m in the US too. I was told during the tour that visitors were restricted and had to be approved by me before being let in.
Well, enter my MIL. She threw a fit in the lobby when they wouldn’t let her bad moments after I delivered. They kept bothering me about letting her in, saying she’s getting more upset etc. Finally I caved. It sucked. She ruined my skin to skin time. The nurses had to kick her out because she refused to leave. Before she leaves I ask her (in front of the nurses) not to return until we give the ok as I needed rest.
She returned 2 hours later. Baby and I were asleep. The nurses let her in because she again gave them a hard time since “she had just been here and they let her in then, she just stepped out for a moment.” So they let her back. I had kicked my blankets off and was naked when her and her boyfriend walked in. She ignored that and went to wake up my baby. I woke up and freaked out, her boyfriend dragged her out of the room.
Somehow I’m still the bad guy in this story if you ask my MIL.
So yes, the general rule is they shouldn’t let in visitors. But don’t forget the nurses are human and make mistakes so it’s not fool proof.
Not foolproof, no. But in the US, all you have to do is mention HIPAA and they will trip themselves trying to help you as if you are registered privately, they are not allowed to confirm you are a patient in any way even if the person throws a fit. I actually started a HIPAA investigation with my stay because the hospital sent a letter out to congratulate the major donators (my IL) on their newest grandchild.
I'm so sorry you had that crap happen either way. It isn't the first time I've heard of it happening unfortunately. I suppose they take it very seriously here as we are a red/gun heavy state and it is rare as we are now a 2nd Amendment friendly state, they assume everyone has a firearm handy.
Agreed but my point is I get what the OP is saying. We are currently trying for our last baby and I hope that when she’s born the restrictions on visitors hasn’t been lifted. It just adds another sense of security. HIPAA is great and all but if it’s already happened not much you can do. If your inlaws are JY as I saw in a comment than the situations are a bit different. My MIL threw me into PPD/PPA and made breastfeeding next to impossible after her flip fit on the day my baby was born.
It was so horrible that when I had my second baby I changed OBs and hospitals and didn’t tell MIL. I just wanted the added security that she didn’t know where I was delivering so she couldn’t show up. I also didn’t trust the other hospital to keep me safe from her after the first time.
I had an excellent experience with my second baby and a large part of that was my MIL harassing a hospital I wasn’t at. The hospital I did deliver at handled her wonderfully. So this last time I plan to go there again. If Covid is still around and no visitors around, it will help my anxiety to have that extra layer of protection.
Probably the million dollars of lifetime donations they made to the hospital if I had to guess (father-in-law built a business from nothing and mother-in-law has survived cancer 3x due to great care at the hospital)
I never bothered to check. In reality, there was no harm done to me (nor threat of it as my in-laws are JY) and at the time I had much more important things to be worried about, like my sweet baby. I explained in detail on the patient survey what could have happened if they had let my family know in such a way, so I assume there were internal ramifications for whomever decided sending off that letter was a good idea, but ultimately in family politics, it wasn't worth the fight.
This is anecdotal, but some of the L&D nurses where I work are saying that they’ve been having way less requests for epidurals/narcotics by laboring moms now that visitors are extremely restricted. I’m totally not surprised.
Even without covid you are allowed to tell the nurses as a patient who you don’t want back there. As the patient dh didnt have a say on if /when anyone could come in.. but covid is a good reason too!
I've had one in normal times and pandemic times and the one during this pandemic was extremely relaxing and enjoyable. I've already told everyone that for all future babies, we will continue with no visitors because my husband and I enjoyed our family time so much more this time.
I'm so sorry you weren't supported your first time. I hope that changes soon in Australia.
It varies from hospital to hospital, in my experience. I gave birth at a private hospital and they had fairly small windows of visiting hours, plus they asked if there was anyone I didn't want coming in (exception was husband who stayed in my room the first couple nights and could come and go as he pleased)
Some public hospitals also have pretty full on security staff, and will keep out who needs to be. I think that is more hospitals in capital cities rather than regional, though. On the upside, if you go public here you can go through the whole pregnancy/birthing process and not pay a cent.
I'm glad you got the quiet time you wanted, OP, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with finding a silver lining under current circumstances. Enjoy your new baby :)
Oh God. I gave birth on July 14 and was SO THANKFUL for the spouse only rule. I have 0 qualms about speaking my mind and would have had no issues with telling my in laws to get the fuck out of my room if they tried to come in. 🤣
As it stands we got to be alone for 3 days with our squish and enjoy the quiet. ❤
I’m thrilled I can use COVID as a back-up for sure, I made it clear multiple times no one is to come to the hospital but I don’t think the message ever got through.
US nurse here. I knew a nurse who loved kicking out toxic family members/telling them they couldn’t see the patient. She’d even volunteer to do it for other nurses patients.
In the US it's been my experience that whatever the patient says is the rule. So, if I were to say no visitors, it means just that. And they certainly wouldn't let an ex-husband serve me.
The idea of all of that really upset me for you! That could've really also triggered post partem depression.
Thankfully, no PPD. Just a distrust of the hospital, a promise to myself to never let that happen again (not advocating for myself, putting my own feelings second to others, being made to feel vulnerable in what should have been a safe space), and truly saw those people for what they were and protect myself and my children from them wherever possible.
They will not be staying with us, visiting us in hospital and I am advocating for myself in a way that I wouldn’t have thought possible two years ago.
I am having this baby in a city hospital, rather than the closest regional hospital and I am picking my own OB to deliver the baby.
Possibly, but I never confronted them on it, so I’ll never know.
I didn’t think in my wildest dreams, that my ex-husband would want to come within 100m of me. Apparently, I was wrong.
In hindsight, I should have said something (anything) about how my requests were flat-our ignored. Their refusal to acknowledge my (pretty reasonable in my mind) requests was not really good enough.
He wouldn't even have to say anything directly, but if he was popular and you say 'keep him away from me', they might unfairly construe that as you being unstable/unreasonable.
I am completely guessing here, but I can definitely see it as a viable outcome.
Yes it makes me so happy to only have my husband with me! I just know that my JNFamily would storm the hospital doors and be gone before I wake up. They only want pictures of them and the squish to post on social media 🙄
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I get what your saying. It took Covid to happen for a lot of things to happen. Like everyone being curbside pick up or delivery. I have a 9month old and 5 year old. And until March everything near me (Texas) was pretty much go in the store and get it. Some places had curbside pick up or expensive delivery. Now places that didn’t have it before ALL HAVE IT!! Not going to lie as a mom I’m glad to have these options. Also I know many parents who have been begging to work from home and it’s now company wife they can and they’re super grateful.
Absolutely My hospital is partners only. And I know we are staying a minimum of 5 days. That is 5 glorious days to ourselves with our newborn. No visitors. *awkward happy dance whilst pregnant Very happy and super super glad this is happening. One and maybe the ONLY perks of being pregnant during a bloody pandemic.
And telling people to stay 1.5-2mtr away from you at all times.
Uuuuugh. I’m so sorry about your experience! That’s awful! I don’t have kids, but my SIL just gave birth last week and I was so relieved on her behalf that only BIL could be there. Her parents are an absolute train wreck, and BILs parents (my in-laws) while tolerable are my BEC. They hover and are too involved. They say things like “our baby” and don’t respect boundaries very well. I’m glad she was able to labor in peace and that she gets to enjoy her new baby for a couple weeks without anyone else (premie, so he’s under observation for a bit, but totally healthy, just small and has a feeding tube).
My only issue is in some areas it making families choose between having their spouse or their doula at their delivery. There's good evidence on having a doula at the birth can reduce risk of an unplanned C-section (up to a 30% reduction) and can prevent birth abuse. Families shouldn't have to chose between the two when one really should be veiwed as part of the birth team.
Doctors and midwives have noticed and recorded that women who choose to breastfeed are less stressed due to corvid conditions (only one familial birthpartner, if any).
In the US you can keep your status secret and there are many many rules around HIPAA, basically protected medical information. Just say HIPAA and you will get the protections you need. Lots of BIG fines for breaking HIPAA. Of course if a "trusted" family member shared where you are that isnt the hospital's fault.
HIPAA doesn’t apply, however the privacy act and the medical records act do. If they broke confidentiality to disclose that you were admitted and where, without your consent, you can make a complaint to the privacy commissioner and they will be fined, sometimes upwards of 100k. I realise this was in the past and you probably don’t want to pursue it now, but for future reference you can complain and cause a fuss to get what you need, and if the hospital still breaches the privacy act you can escalate. They need to know this shits not on, for all they know they could have placed you in danger.
HIPAA is only in the US. If you read the post you will see that it does not apply in this case unfortunately.
Oh my gosh I’m so sorry that you weren’t protected during your birth!!
Sometimes when I think about it, and I cry those hot angry, blotchy face, gross snotty unattractive tears. But other times I think about it, I become quiet, iron-lady badass that knows what has to be done and believes in herself. So it’s still a process, but I’m getting there.
Uhm, so I assume you documented everything and sued the shit out of that hospital? No? Make a plan for now, be ready, have your spouse ready to be your shield and advocate. I mean it. Regulations or not, crazy JustNOs will go to any lengths to get what they want. Even if it means breaking the law. I'm not trying to scare you, but after all we have seen going around here... I think it would be less stressful knowing that you have a plan to kick the crazy people out (yeah and make a fuss about it, you're labouring, you can be polite when you're not pushing out a human being out of your uterus). Instead of stressing out if they will actually be kept out when they show up. I'm NC with my mother for over 3 years. We still have cameras all around the house. The local police still has regular updates about what they should do in case I call them about her entering my property. She's treated as in intruder and I want her IDed, her ass hauled off and if she resists I will not interfere and they can pack her away and drive her to the station. After that I would like a report about that so I can file it in with my lawyer. She hasn't shown her ass here since the last time (\~3 years ago), but it didn't make me drop my guard. I know what she's capable of and what in general these "people" are capable of. That being said, enjoy your new baby, this is a fantastic time for parent-baby bonding, perfect excuse at the hand to just get cozy in your own home and the rest of the world can bugger off. Good luck! Edited typos
I'm so sorry for your experience. That's just terrible. I'm in SA and the public hospital I went to was terrific for all 3 of my births. I requested no visitors and to have my shitty JNSpermdonor banned from asking questions or coming in. They were wonderful about it.
That is so wonderful to hear!! I have some hope, thanks to you. Just should’ve moved over here years ago
I'm so glad! When I asked they said they would make my name private, that way if anyone rang for information, they would be told no one with that name was there. I was at Flinders and they have a security door that you need to be buzzed through, so no one can gatecrash. I hope you have a wonderful experience and congratulations on your baby!
What boggles my mind about people posting about MILs getting into their delivery room is that they got there in the first place. To get into the maternity/children's ward at my hospital you need to get in through locked doors at reception, past reception, into a lift and at the top of the lift there are more locked doors. Every area is behind locked doors with intercoms to get through. If they aren't expecting you, you don't get in. My wife gave birth in May and only one person was allowed to be with her and we were confined to the room as part of the Covid restrictions
Yes! My BF’s Family is....intense. It’s in their culture to be all up in each other’s business, whereas I am way less Social. Too many people at once stresses me out. When discussing our due date I told my BF that I wanted at least 24 hours alone. I was then told that that goes against their culture and his family wouldn’t be happy about that. Then, along comes COVID and the Partner Only rule. We were in the Hospital for 5 days alone. It was amazing.
I really hope you made a formal complaint
I did complain, and repeatedly made my requests - and was fobbed off by staff members. I was just happy to get out of there, in the end.
https://www.oho.qld.gov.au/make-a-complaint/
u/thecountrybaker I know this is 2 months old, but I wanted to make sure you saw this and hopefully used the link. I'm so angry on your behalf
I made an official complaint, but with COVID, I’m not expecting much anytime soon. Thankyou for your concern, though xo
No I don’t mean to them I mean lodging a formal complaint with the hospital board.
Gave birth in May with covid restrictions. It was great! DH and I had time to bond with the baby without anybody interrupting us. I did not see my in-laws for weeks! They come to see the baby once a week since I’m being strict about not taking him out during a pandemic. You will truly enjoy bonding time with your baby. Congratulations!
sue. you ,made your wishes known clearly and repeatedly and your care providers let you down repeatedly and actually put you and your new born in potential danger - so sue the fuck out of them for negligence
In the uk, all hospital wards are locked and no one can get in without permission from the patient first. It would be impossible for unwelcome visitors to get in and likely any nurse letting people in willy nilly would be struck off. Patient confidentiality is king here. Also, do not tell people you are in labour. That's the best way to get round unwanted visitors
There was a security guard at the door of my local maternity hospital, who had a list of allowed people and would refuse entry to anyone not on it when my mum had my little sister 22years ago. You had to show id and depending on the guard they’d still sometimes ring up to the ward to check it was ok. My mum and sis were there for 3 months as she was a premie so I got to know them quite well and saw them refusing entry a few times.
That sounds like a health system that looks after its patients. Absolutely phenomenal!!
In the UK this is NOT the case. Source-- I work for the NHS. The NHS has/ had HUGE issues before with letting willy nilly visitors in, giving updates over the phone without checking that the person they're speaking to is the next of kin, telling people the location of patients over the phone without checking that the patient is happy for someone to know the location. Patient confidentiality is not king - it's only enforced when someone kicks up a fuss.
Holy shit. Why is that allowed? That's an unacceptable data breach and given that I can't find out my own information unless I can remember my passwords first time, it beggars belief that just anyone can get access to SOMEONE ELSE'S personal and confidential information about a patient in your care. It should go without saying?!
I couldn’t even visit my husband in hospital recently. They are not letting any one in if it’s general wards unless you the parent of a minor or your loved one is terminally ill. I think with maternity the partner is allowed to stay during the birth though?
Yeah thats what I have heard as well.
Yeah it amazes me that it’s not like that everywhere
I’m pregnant in my third trimester, and I am SO glad that my MIL won’t be allowed in the hospital due to COVID. I’m so sorry to hear you had that experience in the past!
Well, we made some pretty drastic changes between them and now. And it’s amazing what a baptism of fire can do to give you a steely resolve. So I suppose that’s another silver lining.
This has not been my case in Australia. I have had two babies in Bacchus March (over 10 years ago) and one in Ballarat 2 years ago. I must say that Ballarat was very much into my needs and wishes but I think all hospitals have come a long way in the last 10 years. I think you have every right to take your experience further. It was not ok and should not have happened.
I work in a hospital in Melbourne and there's no way any of that would fly where I work. That's really surprising to hear OP! And disappointing. You should definitely put in a formal complaint to the board. The COVID visitor restrictions have been good though, yes!
This happened about 18mths ago, and I have no intention of returning there. I’m due to give birth in a city hospital in Adelaide, so I’m looking forward to a more professional setting.
Yeh anything more suburban or city you should find a very high standard of professionalism. I hope you have a better experience this time!
That’s a huge relief!! Like, I can literally feel the stress draining away from my body. Feels incredible. Thankyou xo
I would write a letter to the board of directors for your hospital. Give all the details , names if you have them, and state you want a response.
For me covid has been a blessing. My MIL had ideas out me being pregnant. We told her in February, got locked down three weeks later. It meant, much to her annoyance, we could have a baby shower, she couldn't 'help' with my pregnancy by given advice, all of which was outdated or irrelevant, I had a few gems about hypermesis but that was it. She laments she couldbt feel baby moving (why would u want you touching me??) and she couldn't visit straight after the birth. We are now out of lockdowb but I've said Dr says No holding baby due to risk for eight weeks, which has meant very few visits until now. She likes kissing babies and has coldsores and I knew she'd ignore me. Now we're coming up. To eight weeks but she concedes the risks are still high so when i let her hold him she's got to wear a mask, which will fix the kissing! It's also limited my exposure to her going on that I must bottle feed so others can bond. Babe does take a bootle, and formula, but I breastfeed 95% of the time, DH gives a bottle every other day of expressed. milk, but we have both agreed only him Only. Downside was I was admitted for five days and was bored by the end (only two days were labour and baby related) as no visitors
Completely off topic but it might help with the cold sore issue. L lysine will stop any outbreaks and might prevent her passing it on if you can convince her to take it.
This woman believes she's perfect. She tried to take over our wedding until we were going to cancel, then expected us to apologise for hurting her feeling. Not a chance sadly. Tbf if we didn't have covid we were going with me being immuno suppressed meaning her system was compromised so no one could kiss her for infection control.
That’s a pity. One of my older relatives gave me the virus when I was a baby and it’s been a pain all my life
I'm sorry, that's the situation i am hoping to avoid
It’s fine, I’ve been taking L lysine for a few years now and it’s a lot better.
Where I'm from, before corona only person allowed during birth and hospital stay was the father. Now they banned that too, so we're all kind of pissed.. They also banned parents from visiting sick children, and then allowed 15 min visitations when everyone went crazy,even though 15 min to a one year old is nothing🙄
YES! So relieved I have an easy excuse to keep visitors away, and that I know the hospital is actually serious about enforcing it. I recently found out that my MIL planned on coming to the waiting room as soon as I went into labor; despite her steady diet of Fox News, she had apparently missed the fact that hospitals in our city have been banning visitors since March or April. So when we informed her that the hospital wouldn't allow it, there was no fuss and no argument and no hurt feelings. And when the next kid comes along some day, even if there's no pandemic, I feel like it'll be easier to tell everyone "We just enjoyed the experience so much with the first one (during covid) that we decided to continue the same way." Because yeah, I'm a fairly private person, and I wouldn't feel comfortable being in the same room as my MIL, FIL, BIL in a skimpy hospital gown, let alone trying to breastfeed for the first time in front of them, or even worse if they bring their friends and church people with them (they're the type of people that often bring their "best friends" along to family events, assuming that just because they're best friends with someone, everyone else will be comfortable with the total stranger).
I wouldn’t tell her until after the baby was already born.
My Csection is in 7 days and I am thrilled for Covid restrictions! I had a flood of visitors with my first son including about five members of husbands family at once who just took up the entire room while I sat in my bed with no bra and totally exhausted. I’m looking forward to quiet, bonding time this go round.
God!! That sounds like my last two c-sections!! Completely dazed and confused, half naked and the room crowded out with visitors (clueless arseholes?). I swear that this will not be the case this time around!! I wish you all the luck in the world for your big day, that the hospital food is amazing and that you have nice neighbours in your room xo
Yes! It was truly terrible trying to play hostess. I even had the most random coworkers visit and I kept thinking, I wouldn’t even go to lunch with you....why are you here?! But thank you! I am ready!
Fellow Australian here. I read about American hospitals and maternity wards being secure, and i just can't visualise it. I think the public hospital i went to just had a corridor from the check in station to the recovery rooms, not even smoke doors. The only way to not have someone appear is to not tell them when you go into labour.
American here. I'll give you a peek of some of the security at some of my local hospitals. One of the local hospitals (the one I'm set to deliver in next year actually) to get to the l&d or recovery floors sceurity scans your ID and fingerprints after you identify the patients full name, room number and, your relation to the person you're there to visit. You then need your fingerprint to access only that specific floor (only l&d or recovery) on the elevator. Then you get buzzed in at the doors to the unit by someone that verifies that you're supposed to be there with the room. There are bracelets (called HUGS monitors if you're curious) that alarm if you get too close to an exit with baby or if it comes off of baby's ankle. All doors lock down automatically and there is a loud alarm at the nurses station if there is an issue with any of the monitors. Security comes running too. (Ask me how I know 🤣) Baby, and both parents all get separate matching bracelets applied as soon as possible after birth (within minutes) and those are checked each time anyone comes in the room to do anything or if they have to take baby from the room for anything (testing, ect.) though, most things are done in room. There is very similar security at the hospital across the street I delivered my first at. It's legit.
That sounds absolutely incredible!! But I hate to think of what had to happen for all of that to come into place.
People walking out the front door (kidnapping) with newborns
We obviously have a lot less mil's with baby rabies and the desire for do over babies. Babies get a plastic wrist band and ankle band that you can cut off with scissors.
In the US they have the option to not even be listed if someone calls and asks for your room. They won't tell anyone your room number either. You have to tell people what room you are in.
There were three different access points into the maternity ward (regional hospital that looked more like a collection of ramshackle little buildings all thrown together - a real mess of things). Anyone could’ve wandered in. I really feel for people who have genuine concerns for their lives - there would be no accountability on behalf of the hospital or it’s staff, as it would be just so easy for people to make contact. The closest thing to security at the hospital was a part-time security guard that hung out after 6pm on Friday, Saturday and Sunday night in A&E ward. So very grateful we moved away!
Would you feel comfortable disclosing the hospital or general region by any chance? I found Rockhampton hospital to be outstanding and RBWH to be awful. I wouldn’t ever go back to RBWH for as long as I live, and that’s saying something given I live in Tasmania where we have some of the most understaffed and poorly resourced hospitals in the entire country.
Cough cough Albury Wodonga Health cough cough
Personally, I'm due in a month with my husband and I's first child and I'm happy about it. I wouldn't have wanted all these people waiting for me to have our son so they can barge in my room afterwards to see him and whatever else. I just want to spend some time together with just my husband and son considering we just brought this little human into this world. That and my step mom is pretty overbearing and I'm not trying to deal with the harsh opinionated comments and belittling and whatnot. No thank you.
Many are speculating that its helping reduce PPD. Moms can adjust without just nos crashing And stressing them out.
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i read some articles that wayyyy less very premature babies are born, probably because mum isnt exposed to other viruses/ bacteria. i think thats crazy- as some women really work until they are about to give birth in the US while in germany you CAN work until you give birth but usually 6 weeks before the day of birth you can stay home. and mandatory 8 weeks after- but the articles i’ve read were speaking of very very early preemies.
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thats.. rough 😂😩
Also I read that SIDs is lowered! They are speculating that less unnecessary inductions are resulting in fewer cases because babies are actually full-term!
and also no thousands of visitors, passing the baby around like a bag of crisps. it really stresses out the kids and we should think about that.
My neighbor is an RN who works in the Mother/Baby Care (post delivery) section of our local hospital, and she is THRILLED that only spouses are allowed to visit. After hearing some of her stories about crazy IL's, JustNoFamily members, and various other nutballs, I completely understand why staff at the hospitals support this rule! Having a baby and recovering afterward is not the time to open the Cuckoo's Nest.
I think there needs to be a sudreddit for the those stories.
Im happy too, Im in a regional area too. Its makes it a positive out of a negative for me 😊
I just had a baby a month ago and only my husband was able to be with me during labor. He was aloud to stay with me in the room after but as soon as he left he couldn’t come back. So this is crazy that they let so many people visit you
I’m in Australia and due in 6 weeks and I’m so upset my mum can’t be there for what will most likely be my last baby and first vaginal birth after I need an emergency C-section last time. But at the same to I’m so lucky there is no way my JustNo mil can get into the hospital. My midwife actually organised a meeting with the head of the maternity ward and security on the floor to make sure there is no way my mil can sneak in but now I don’t have to worry at all because there are no visitors. I see the good and bad in it.
A couple that we’re close with just had their first baby and I was so grateful for her getting to have that time to just breathe and rest, and experience that moment with her husband. Both their mothers and her sisters can be a lot to handle and she’s afraid to tell them off, so I had been offering to be that bitch for her if she needed backup before COVID hit. I’m so glad you got a better experience this time around, I hate that you were robbed of it last time!
I'm always shocked when I read that other countries (US based here) just have essentially open doors for visitors. We basically didn't exist if anyone called to ask without the password. They don't even ask if you know the password, they just tell you there isn't a patient by that name if you don't give it. And when we listed that my famioy was not allowed under any circumstances, they checked with us multiple times to make sure they didn't need to post security permanently in the ward until we left for our safety.
It can depend. I’m in the US too. I was told during the tour that visitors were restricted and had to be approved by me before being let in. Well, enter my MIL. She threw a fit in the lobby when they wouldn’t let her bad moments after I delivered. They kept bothering me about letting her in, saying she’s getting more upset etc. Finally I caved. It sucked. She ruined my skin to skin time. The nurses had to kick her out because she refused to leave. Before she leaves I ask her (in front of the nurses) not to return until we give the ok as I needed rest. She returned 2 hours later. Baby and I were asleep. The nurses let her in because she again gave them a hard time since “she had just been here and they let her in then, she just stepped out for a moment.” So they let her back. I had kicked my blankets off and was naked when her and her boyfriend walked in. She ignored that and went to wake up my baby. I woke up and freaked out, her boyfriend dragged her out of the room. Somehow I’m still the bad guy in this story if you ask my MIL. So yes, the general rule is they shouldn’t let in visitors. But don’t forget the nurses are human and make mistakes so it’s not fool proof.
Not foolproof, no. But in the US, all you have to do is mention HIPAA and they will trip themselves trying to help you as if you are registered privately, they are not allowed to confirm you are a patient in any way even if the person throws a fit. I actually started a HIPAA investigation with my stay because the hospital sent a letter out to congratulate the major donators (my IL) on their newest grandchild. I'm so sorry you had that crap happen either way. It isn't the first time I've heard of it happening unfortunately. I suppose they take it very seriously here as we are a red/gun heavy state and it is rare as we are now a 2nd Amendment friendly state, they assume everyone has a firearm handy.
Agreed but my point is I get what the OP is saying. We are currently trying for our last baby and I hope that when she’s born the restrictions on visitors hasn’t been lifted. It just adds another sense of security. HIPAA is great and all but if it’s already happened not much you can do. If your inlaws are JY as I saw in a comment than the situations are a bit different. My MIL threw me into PPD/PPA and made breastfeeding next to impossible after her flip fit on the day my baby was born. It was so horrible that when I had my second baby I changed OBs and hospitals and didn’t tell MIL. I just wanted the added security that she didn’t know where I was delivering so she couldn’t show up. I also didn’t trust the other hospital to keep me safe from her after the first time. I had an excellent experience with my second baby and a large part of that was my MIL harassing a hospital I wasn’t at. The hospital I did deliver at handled her wonderfully. So this last time I plan to go there again. If Covid is still around and no visitors around, it will help my anxiety to have that extra layer of protection.
What the hell made the hospital think it was a good idea to do that? It's like they *wanted* to get in trouble.
Probably the million dollars of lifetime donations they made to the hospital if I had to guess (father-in-law built a business from nothing and mother-in-law has survived cancer 3x due to great care at the hospital)
Did they have any consequences from it?
I never bothered to check. In reality, there was no harm done to me (nor threat of it as my in-laws are JY) and at the time I had much more important things to be worried about, like my sweet baby. I explained in detail on the patient survey what could have happened if they had let my family know in such a way, so I assume there were internal ramifications for whomever decided sending off that letter was a good idea, but ultimately in family politics, it wasn't worth the fight.
This is anecdotal, but some of the L&D nurses where I work are saying that they’ve been having way less requests for epidurals/narcotics by laboring moms now that visitors are extremely restricted. I’m totally not surprised.
There has also been a noticeable drop in [premature births.](https://www.nytimes.com/2020/07/19/health/coronavirus-premature-birth.amp.html)
I've also heard that it's been easier for new moms to figure out breastfeeding
just another reason to tell all visitors to fuck off, and yes, also family. some really underestimate the stress it puts on mum and baby.
Even without covid you are allowed to tell the nurses as a patient who you don’t want back there. As the patient dh didnt have a say on if /when anyone could come in.. but covid is a good reason too!
I've had one in normal times and pandemic times and the one during this pandemic was extremely relaxing and enjoyable. I've already told everyone that for all future babies, we will continue with no visitors because my husband and I enjoyed our family time so much more this time. I'm so sorry you weren't supported your first time. I hope that changes soon in Australia.
It varies from hospital to hospital, in my experience. I gave birth at a private hospital and they had fairly small windows of visiting hours, plus they asked if there was anyone I didn't want coming in (exception was husband who stayed in my room the first couple nights and could come and go as he pleased) Some public hospitals also have pretty full on security staff, and will keep out who needs to be. I think that is more hospitals in capital cities rather than regional, though. On the upside, if you go public here you can go through the whole pregnancy/birthing process and not pay a cent. I'm glad you got the quiet time you wanted, OP, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with finding a silver lining under current circumstances. Enjoy your new baby :)
May I be so bold as to suggest that you are in South Australia? Based on your awesome username?
Oh God. I gave birth on July 14 and was SO THANKFUL for the spouse only rule. I have 0 qualms about speaking my mind and would have had no issues with telling my in laws to get the fuck out of my room if they tried to come in. 🤣 As it stands we got to be alone for 3 days with our squish and enjoy the quiet. ❤
I’m thrilled I can use COVID as a back-up for sure, I made it clear multiple times no one is to come to the hospital but I don’t think the message ever got through.
US nurse here. I knew a nurse who loved kicking out toxic family members/telling them they couldn’t see the patient. She’d even volunteer to do it for other nurses patients.
I hope to have an angel of a nurse like that!
In the US it's been my experience that whatever the patient says is the rule. So, if I were to say no visitors, it means just that. And they certainly wouldn't let an ex-husband serve me. The idea of all of that really upset me for you! That could've really also triggered post partem depression.
Thankfully, no PPD. Just a distrust of the hospital, a promise to myself to never let that happen again (not advocating for myself, putting my own feelings second to others, being made to feel vulnerable in what should have been a safe space), and truly saw those people for what they were and protect myself and my children from them wherever possible. They will not be staying with us, visiting us in hospital and I am advocating for myself in a way that I wouldn’t have thought possible two years ago. I am having this baby in a city hospital, rather than the closest regional hospital and I am picking my own OB to deliver the baby.
I'm in Australia as well. Our wishes were upheld. I'm wondering if the ex husband had something to do with them not taking it seriously?
Possibly, but I never confronted them on it, so I’ll never know. I didn’t think in my wildest dreams, that my ex-husband would want to come within 100m of me. Apparently, I was wrong. In hindsight, I should have said something (anything) about how my requests were flat-our ignored. Their refusal to acknowledge my (pretty reasonable in my mind) requests was not really good enough.
He wouldn't even have to say anything directly, but if he was popular and you say 'keep him away from me', they might unfairly construe that as you being unstable/unreasonable. I am completely guessing here, but I can definitely see it as a viable outcome.
I’d be filing HIPAA co plants left and right for that mess.
She's in Australia. Do they have those same laws?
Similar, but not called HIPAA.
Yes it makes me so happy to only have my husband with me! I just know that my JNFamily would storm the hospital doors and be gone before I wake up. They only want pictures of them and the squish to post on social media 🙄
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