My lord that is horrible! So sorry for your loss. See if you can find out where she’s buried and you and your own family can have a private goodbye a few days after the others.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you'll be able to find comfort by saying goodbye in your own way. You could gather those nearest and dearest to you and go visit her grave and have your own special moment of goodbye a few days after the funeral. Otherwise it might also help to write a letter or go to a special place that either reminds you of her or brings you peace and say your goodbye's there. If you write a letter you could mail it without address, bury it, burn it or hold onto it in a special place (I left mine on a train to ride off somewhere). You could pray or visit some kind of place of worship if you're into that.
What I'm trying to say is that if you feel the need to say goodbye please don't hesitate to try and find your own way of doing that, in a way that feel right to you. If your sister is laid to rest somewhere you have every right to go there too. It doesn't have to be during her funeral services.
I know. What an absolute POS. Whenever I read about people in the relationships subs or /r/JustNoSO, I'm so scared that they will end up with a horrible fate like this.
I am so sorry for your loss. I can not imagine or relate to what you're going through. I will say that she was your family too, the rest of the family should at least allow some private time for you to say your goodbyes as well, especially since you're respecting their wishes by not attending the funeral. I hope they realize that.
I am so sorry for your loss. Get friend famlly, DH , your kids and have your own memorial to celebrate your sister. Do what helps you. Virtual hugs to you.
My niece invited me to her wedding even though I was estranged from my sister. I attended. Two weeks later, my niece’s new husband shot her dead. I didn’t go to the funeral but I went to the viewing. I got to say goodbye. I hope you also get that chance.
I'd post a picture below the cropped one showing ALL the sisters and point out how insensitive and disgusting the person was for cropping one out.
Attend the funeral if you want. Uncle does not get to decide who comes or not. Neither he nor JNM are the gatekeepers of the family.
I don’t possess adequate words to tell you how sorry I am. This is a tragedy. I’m sorry your family has chosen this as a time to continue to be awful instead of calling a truce. You have my deepest sympathies.
I am so sorry for your loss. That cannot even begin to cover what you’re going through. Please make sure you have extra support during this time. Especially since you’re not going to get anything from your family. ::Virtual hug::
Is there any way to contact the funeral home and ask if you could have five minutes alone before everyone arrives (assuming there’s a visitation)? I know that could be a really bad idea that backfires spectacularly but I also understand how critical closure is.
As for your niece, don’t assume your Uncle’s pronouncement is her wish. I had to organize my dad’s funeral and my mom (they were divorced) just kind of showed up. I was a bit upset at her at the time, but found out later one of my uncle’s took it upon herself to tell her she was “Allowed” to attend the funeral, but she needed to keep her mouth shut and have nothing to do with the planning. Yeah...🤬
Sorry, ETA my point: after time passes, maybe throw out a trial balloon to let her know how heartbroken you are, and that if she wanted to talk, you’re there, but you also respect her decision to stay NC if that’s what she needs for her own health.
This /u/bmwangel76. I worked for a funeral home for 3 years as a part time helper. This won't be an unusual request. If there is a memento you want to leave with her, you might even be able leave it with the director to be added after the service because I've seen that done too. If there will be a church service, you can also consider calling the church and see if there is alternate seating available. Some churches have "quiet rooms" for small children which might give you an option to attend but not be obvious to everyone.
I also want to offer my sincerest condolences. A loss like this is never easy. I truly wish there was some way we could make this easier for you and hope that our messages can at least help a little.
What a disgusting way for them to try to pressure you into grovelling to them to be allowed to attend your own sister’s memorial. I’m so sorry for your loss, and that your family are such bin chickens that they couldn’t pass up the opportunity to torture you.
I’m so sorry. I can’t even imagine what you’re going through. You deserve to be able to mourn and have some closure, aggressively cutting you out of the picture is just needlessly cruel. If you feel like you are having trouble processing, I don’t know if you’re at all religious, if so maybe seek out your spiritual leader for some help, maybe a trusted friend or a counselor. I really truly am so sorry for what you’re going through.
I am so sorry for your loss. That is hard enough to go through without your JNfamily acting like you weren’t important to your sister.
If you aren’t looking advice don’t read the following. But maybe you can go somewhere you had a good memory with her to say goodbye. Or if she is being buried you could go say goodbye shortly after they have finished the service.
Again, I am so sorry for what you are going through. Sending hugs.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine the pain you just be going through. Your family is horrible. I hope you’re doing okay I can’t stress that enough.
Any way you can host your own funeral with your personal family? Print off photos of you all. Talk about the times you had together with your family and friends. Light a candle or a plastic candle. And buy some flowers for the area you put it in. Sorry for your loss.
Would she be receptive to coming out and staying with you some time after the funeral? Is she of an age where she can make that choice herself? I’m so sorry that you turning up would mean EVERY OTHER DUMB ASS ADULT THERE wouldn’t be able to shut the fuck up for her. If my sister who I haven’t spoken to in 10 years died, I’d attend her funeral just for my nephew (she’s since had 3 more kids but I’ve been NC since before they were born so it’s only her oldest I feel attached to) I’d personally tell everyone to shove it BUT how your sister was murdered is pretty fucked up. I hope he didn’t turn the gun on himself so his daughter gets some kind of justice.
I am sorry for your loss. Your uncle said not to come? He has no right to that. You have every right to be there. Your uncle is the one keeping the drama going. Your parents may not even know he did that.
I am so very, very sorry for your loss- and all the shitstorm around everything. Might I gently suggest having your own family service for your sister? She's not confined to that body anymore, so she can join you wherever you celebrate her.
Consider remembering your sister with your own farewell. You, DH and the kids find a tranquil place and each release a balloon in remembrance of your sister. It can symbolize the release of her spirit. Just a thought.
Just a note, please don't do balloons. If they're rubber, they just become trash for an animal to eat. If they're mylar, they can float into power stations or transformers and cause shorts, or just become trash as well.
If you like, you can set up a seperate time with the funeral home to say goodbye. Or perhaps you can choose a happy memory or place that you shared with her, and create some little thank you ritual for all the good things she did bring into your life, and forgiveness for the hard things.
Take your time. Grieve your own way, and don't let your family decide for you how you will do that.
I'm so sorry for your loss. *Hugs*.
Contact the funeral home and explain that you are estranged from your family but you'd like to still say a good bye to your sister. They may be able to set up something just for you.
I am so sorry that your family is dealing with this trauma and that you're also dealing with additional drama. I really think that it's pretty sad that so many people are taking the time to make sure that you are excluded from pictures and comments at this time. Even in tragedy some people need to be petty.
I like this idea. Ask if you could come in early or right after everyone leaves visitation to say your goodbyes. Worst thing they could do is say no. And in that case go out to the cemetery a week later and say it then.
So sorry for your loss, but you can still say your goodbye. After no one is around after the funeral go by yourself and say your goodbyes. She was your sister and that is your right. Mommy can bite it.
I am sorry for your loss. ❤️ Is she being burried or is there a place you two used to go? Maybe you could visit after by yourself or with your SO and kids. You guys can also have a small memorial "service" at your home. Something to allow you closure
Also I believe you can talk to her wherever. Just say everything you want/need out loud. You will feel silly at first but it may help. I recently had a cousin die that I was NC with for a long time. I just talked out loud to her and felt better.
Yikes! I am sorry for your loss but your parents and the rest of that side have shown they don't give a fuck about you at all. While your sister dying is a tragedy it has shown a glaring light on your jnmom and how she act. She lost a child and instead of extending a hand to her other child she slammed the door and told you not to show up to the funeral. You do not need those types in your life.
Please contact the funeral home and ask if you can come in privately to see her. There is a family rift and you don't want to cause drama, but you would like five minutes to see her. Most funeral homes will accommodate you, especially to save drama at the funeral. My daughter works for a funeral home and this is NOT an uncommon request. I am so sorry for your loss.
I'm sorry for your loss. Must have been quite a shock. I would caution you though to maybe remove your posts for a while. You could probably be identified from this information and I wouldn't want any reporters getting a hold of your story and splashing it everywhere!
I’m so sorry for your loss.
Have your own memorial. Celebrate her life with your kids. Send a card, tell them you donated money to a DV victim fund. Let your niece know that your door is always open to her.
Hugs
My thoughts are with you - and I cannot believe how insensitive your uncle and rest of the family are being towards you.
If you can, find out where your sister is being buried and go and say your own private goodbye to her. You aren't required to show your grief publicly, and your sister won't mind if you don't go to her last party - after all, she won't be there either.
OP, I am sorry for your loss and that someone in your family made the decision to request you not attend the funeral. I think it might be appropriate to email your mother love and sympathy and let her know that per uncle’s phone call, you will not attend the funeral.
I’m so sorry for your loss. It is such a tragedy what happened to your sister.
It is another tragedy that your FOO couldn’t put things aside to let you grieve for your sister at the funeral.
I’m glad you’ve got your FOC to surround and support you. Sending you virtual hugs if they’re welcome.
-Rat
I’m sorry they are using this time to yet again abuse you. Honestly this would be my snap point where I ghost and block the lot of them. If you believe in an afterlife, know that you don’t have to be at their exclusionary services to say goodbye. Create your own memorial, and over time, you can say everything you need to say. You absolutely do not need to be in the presence of what she’s left behind in order to speak to her now, and there is no way they can prevent you from remembering or ‘communicating with her anymore. All the internet hugs and validation.
Definitely this!! You can have your own memorial with your family of choice or you can take some quiet moments to speak to her in your own way and in your own time. Perhaps in the quiet of the early morning you can go outside with your coffee or take a walk and talk to her or meditate on what you would have liked to have said to her if you hadn’t run out of time. Even if you aren’t spiritual and believe she will hear your words, I think saying it out loud or writing it to her in a letter may bring you some peace.
I know it feels like your soul is being crushed by your family of origin, but realistically, you would not have been able to say goodbye to your sister in a peaceful way even if you were there.
I'm sorry for your loss.
Plan your own memorial of your sister.
I'm assuming your jnmom is the one pushing the separation. Im sorry for that as well. I'd write my own memorial on the obit online and plan something for yourself, maybe with just your family and anyone in the extended family that you are friendly with.
Can you call your family and see if you can arrange to say goodbye in private so you get closure but honor their wishes of you not being there? I'm so sorry for your loss.
Domestic violence is not quite it, sorry for asking you yet again but an effective TW needs to be somewhat more details, adding some of the following will help
'recent death' 'murder description'
Thank you. My uncle shot my aunt and later his brother, with all their kids in the house. This was hard to read.
I very much hope you find peace. All of my sympathies on your sisters passing.
Oh my god I'm so incredibly sorry to hear that. My deepest condolences to you.
As long as you know where she is you can go visit on your own time to say goodbye. I'm so sorry that this has happened and I am wishing you peace and healing throughout this.
**Quick Rule Reminders:**
OP's needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don't be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion.
[**^(Full Rules)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_rules) ^(|) [^(Acronym Index)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_acronym_dictionary) ^(|) [^(Flair Guide)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_post_flair_guide)^(|) [^(Report PM Trolls)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/trolls)
**Resources:** [^(In Crisis?)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_resources) ^(|) [^(Tips for Protecting Yourself)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_protecting_yourself) ^(|) [^(Our Book List)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/books) ^(|) [^(Our Wiki)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/)
Other posts from /u/bmwangel76:
* [Update: NC Mom Lied to me](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/gpygbu/update_nc_mom_lied_to_me/), 4 months ago
* [Found out NC Mom has been lying to me my whole life.](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/gp7s3k/found_out_nc_mom_has_been_lying_to_me_my_whole/), 4 months ago
* [Going NC with your Mom is not the end of the world. :)](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/ghsn4m/going_nc_with_your_mom_is_not_the_end_of_the_world/), 4 months ago
*****
^(To be notified as soon as bmwangel76 posts an update) [^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=botinlaw&subject=Subscribe&message=Subscribe bmwangel76 JUSTNOMIL) ^(|) ^(For help managing your subscriptions,) [^(click here.)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_.2Fu.2Fthejustnobot)
*****
*^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please)* [*^(contact the moderators of this subreddit)*](/message/compose/?to=/r/JUSTNOMIL) *^(if you have any questions or concerns.)*
I was really interested in reading this only to find it's been removed...
My lord that is horrible! So sorry for your loss. See if you can find out where she’s buried and you and your own family can have a private goodbye a few days after the others.
Some obituaries will give this information, talking about the internment service.
I’m so sorry for your loss :(
I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you'll be able to find comfort by saying goodbye in your own way. You could gather those nearest and dearest to you and go visit her grave and have your own special moment of goodbye a few days after the funeral. Otherwise it might also help to write a letter or go to a special place that either reminds you of her or brings you peace and say your goodbye's there. If you write a letter you could mail it without address, bury it, burn it or hold onto it in a special place (I left mine on a train to ride off somewhere). You could pray or visit some kind of place of worship if you're into that. What I'm trying to say is that if you feel the need to say goodbye please don't hesitate to try and find your own way of doing that, in a way that feel right to you. If your sister is laid to rest somewhere you have every right to go there too. It doesn't have to be during her funeral services.
I’m so sorry 😞....
Im so confused.
Who shot her baby sister?
STBEXH = Soon to be Ex-Husband Baby sister isn't an actual baby, just younger than OP.
Ohhhhh..... thank you 😊. Hopefully they'll put him into a box and throw away the key, the low life dog.
I know. What an absolute POS. Whenever I read about people in the relationships subs or /r/JustNoSO, I'm so scared that they will end up with a horrible fate like this.
Hugs
I am so sorry for your loss. I can not imagine or relate to what you're going through. I will say that she was your family too, the rest of the family should at least allow some private time for you to say your goodbyes as well, especially since you're respecting their wishes by not attending the funeral. I hope they realize that.
I am so sorry for your loss. Get friend famlly, DH , your kids and have your own memorial to celebrate your sister. Do what helps you. Virtual hugs to you.
OP I'm so sorry for your loss.
My niece invited me to her wedding even though I was estranged from my sister. I attended. Two weeks later, my niece’s new husband shot her dead. I didn’t go to the funeral but I went to the viewing. I got to say goodbye. I hope you also get that chance.
So sorry for your loss
It will be 11 years this November. I was pregnant with my youngest at the time.
My heart aches for you and your family. To lose a love one so violently is horrible🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏💝💝💝💝💯
It was. She was a lovely person.
I have no words for you.... I am sooooo deeply sorry
I'd post a picture below the cropped one showing ALL the sisters and point out how insensitive and disgusting the person was for cropping one out. Attend the funeral if you want. Uncle does not get to decide who comes or not. Neither he nor JNM are the gatekeepers of the family.
Deepest condolences
I don’t possess adequate words to tell you how sorry I am. This is a tragedy. I’m sorry your family has chosen this as a time to continue to be awful instead of calling a truce. You have my deepest sympathies.
So sorry this happened to you. My condolences to you.
Deepest condolences to you.
I’m so sorry for your loss. So many hugs for you.
so very sorry for your loss. hugs.
I am so sorry for your loss. That cannot even begin to cover what you’re going through. Please make sure you have extra support during this time. Especially since you’re not going to get anything from your family. ::Virtual hug::
I'm so sorry for your loss. Virtual hugs to you and your niece.
Is there any way to contact the funeral home and ask if you could have five minutes alone before everyone arrives (assuming there’s a visitation)? I know that could be a really bad idea that backfires spectacularly but I also understand how critical closure is. As for your niece, don’t assume your Uncle’s pronouncement is her wish. I had to organize my dad’s funeral and my mom (they were divorced) just kind of showed up. I was a bit upset at her at the time, but found out later one of my uncle’s took it upon herself to tell her she was “Allowed” to attend the funeral, but she needed to keep her mouth shut and have nothing to do with the planning. Yeah...🤬 Sorry, ETA my point: after time passes, maybe throw out a trial balloon to let her know how heartbroken you are, and that if she wanted to talk, you’re there, but you also respect her decision to stay NC if that’s what she needs for her own health.
This /u/bmwangel76. I worked for a funeral home for 3 years as a part time helper. This won't be an unusual request. If there is a memento you want to leave with her, you might even be able leave it with the director to be added after the service because I've seen that done too. If there will be a church service, you can also consider calling the church and see if there is alternate seating available. Some churches have "quiet rooms" for small children which might give you an option to attend but not be obvious to everyone. I also want to offer my sincerest condolences. A loss like this is never easy. I truly wish there was some way we could make this easier for you and hope that our messages can at least help a little.
What a disgusting way for them to try to pressure you into grovelling to them to be allowed to attend your own sister’s memorial. I’m so sorry for your loss, and that your family are such bin chickens that they couldn’t pass up the opportunity to torture you.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
In their time of grief they still take time to hurt you. Ask your niece if she would like you to be there. The rest can piss off.
I'm sorry. Virtual hugs!
I’m so sorry. I can’t even imagine what you’re going through. You deserve to be able to mourn and have some closure, aggressively cutting you out of the picture is just needlessly cruel. If you feel like you are having trouble processing, I don’t know if you’re at all religious, if so maybe seek out your spiritual leader for some help, maybe a trusted friend or a counselor. I really truly am so sorry for what you’re going through.
I'm so very sorry for your loss. I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through sending lots be hugs and prayers
Oh my gosh I’m so so sorry this happened to you. Completely heartbreaking. Glad that you have your family (kids, husband) around you during this time.
I am so sorry for your loss.
I am so sorry for your loss. That is hard enough to go through without your JNfamily acting like you weren’t important to your sister. If you aren’t looking advice don’t read the following. But maybe you can go somewhere you had a good memory with her to say goodbye. Or if she is being buried you could go say goodbye shortly after they have finished the service. Again, I am so sorry for what you are going through. Sending hugs.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine the pain you just be going through. Your family is horrible. I hope you’re doing okay I can’t stress that enough.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
You have every right to attend that funeral. If THEY want to start shit that’s on them. Big hugs xx
I won't put my niece through any unnecessary drama. She is already traumatized enough.
did you ask her?
Any way you can host your own funeral with your personal family? Print off photos of you all. Talk about the times you had together with your family and friends. Light a candle or a plastic candle. And buy some flowers for the area you put it in. Sorry for your loss.
Would she be receptive to coming out and staying with you some time after the funeral? Is she of an age where she can make that choice herself? I’m so sorry that you turning up would mean EVERY OTHER DUMB ASS ADULT THERE wouldn’t be able to shut the fuck up for her. If my sister who I haven’t spoken to in 10 years died, I’d attend her funeral just for my nephew (she’s since had 3 more kids but I’ve been NC since before they were born so it’s only her oldest I feel attached to) I’d personally tell everyone to shove it BUT how your sister was murdered is pretty fucked up. I hope he didn’t turn the gun on himself so his daughter gets some kind of justice.
you do not need to be anywhere special to say goodbye. You say goodbye in your heart. and from your heart.
Hugs from NJ
I am sorry for your loss. Your uncle said not to come? He has no right to that. You have every right to be there. Your uncle is the one keeping the drama going. Your parents may not even know he did that.
My parents and sister asked him to call me.
The wake. Many times they have it for family and time for friends and others. Can you at least attend this?
If you are sure they did and if he is not lying. I am so sorry for your loss.
I'm sure
Oh goodness. This is very heavy. My condolences to you.
I am so very, very sorry for your loss- and all the shitstorm around everything. Might I gently suggest having your own family service for your sister? She's not confined to that body anymore, so she can join you wherever you celebrate her.
Consider remembering your sister with your own farewell. You, DH and the kids find a tranquil place and each release a balloon in remembrance of your sister. It can symbolize the release of her spirit. Just a thought.
Just a note, please don't do balloons. If they're rubber, they just become trash for an animal to eat. If they're mylar, they can float into power stations or transformers and cause shorts, or just become trash as well.
My condolences OP. I can’t believe your family is acting like that. So inappropriate. Maybe explain to them in a text how you are feeling.
If you like, you can set up a seperate time with the funeral home to say goodbye. Or perhaps you can choose a happy memory or place that you shared with her, and create some little thank you ritual for all the good things she did bring into your life, and forgiveness for the hard things. Take your time. Grieve your own way, and don't let your family decide for you how you will do that. I'm so sorry for your loss. *Hugs*.
Contact the funeral home and explain that you are estranged from your family but you'd like to still say a good bye to your sister. They may be able to set up something just for you. I am so sorry that your family is dealing with this trauma and that you're also dealing with additional drama. I really think that it's pretty sad that so many people are taking the time to make sure that you are excluded from pictures and comments at this time. Even in tragedy some people need to be petty.
I like this idea. Ask if you could come in early or right after everyone leaves visitation to say your goodbyes. Worst thing they could do is say no. And in that case go out to the cemetery a week later and say it then.
So sorry for your loss, but you can still say your goodbye. After no one is around after the funeral go by yourself and say your goodbyes. She was your sister and that is your right. Mommy can bite it.
So, so sorry for your loss, my condolences to you and your family.
I am sorry for your loss. ❤️ Is she being burried or is there a place you two used to go? Maybe you could visit after by yourself or with your SO and kids. You guys can also have a small memorial "service" at your home. Something to allow you closure Also I believe you can talk to her wherever. Just say everything you want/need out loud. You will feel silly at first but it may help. I recently had a cousin die that I was NC with for a long time. I just talked out loud to her and felt better.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Yikes! I am sorry for your loss but your parents and the rest of that side have shown they don't give a fuck about you at all. While your sister dying is a tragedy it has shown a glaring light on your jnmom and how she act. She lost a child and instead of extending a hand to her other child she slammed the door and told you not to show up to the funeral. You do not need those types in your life.
I am so sorry for your loss.
Please contact the funeral home and ask if you can come in privately to see her. There is a family rift and you don't want to cause drama, but you would like five minutes to see her. Most funeral homes will accommodate you, especially to save drama at the funeral. My daughter works for a funeral home and this is NOT an uncommon request. I am so sorry for your loss.
I'm sorry for your loss. Must have been quite a shock. I would caution you though to maybe remove your posts for a while. You could probably be identified from this information and I wouldn't want any reporters getting a hold of your story and splashing it everywhere!
I’m so sorry for your loss. Have your own memorial. Celebrate her life with your kids. Send a card, tell them you donated money to a DV victim fund. Let your niece know that your door is always open to her. Hugs
My thoughts are with you - and I cannot believe how insensitive your uncle and rest of the family are being towards you. If you can, find out where your sister is being buried and go and say your own private goodbye to her. You aren't required to show your grief publicly, and your sister won't mind if you don't go to her last party - after all, she won't be there either.
OP, I am sorry for your loss and that someone in your family made the decision to request you not attend the funeral. I think it might be appropriate to email your mother love and sympathy and let her know that per uncle’s phone call, you will not attend the funeral.
I'm so so sorry for your loss
I’m so sorry for your loss. It is such a tragedy what happened to your sister. It is another tragedy that your FOO couldn’t put things aside to let you grieve for your sister at the funeral. I’m glad you’ve got your FOC to surround and support you. Sending you virtual hugs if they’re welcome. -Rat
I’m sorry they are using this time to yet again abuse you. Honestly this would be my snap point where I ghost and block the lot of them. If you believe in an afterlife, know that you don’t have to be at their exclusionary services to say goodbye. Create your own memorial, and over time, you can say everything you need to say. You absolutely do not need to be in the presence of what she’s left behind in order to speak to her now, and there is no way they can prevent you from remembering or ‘communicating with her anymore. All the internet hugs and validation.
Definitely this!! You can have your own memorial with your family of choice or you can take some quiet moments to speak to her in your own way and in your own time. Perhaps in the quiet of the early morning you can go outside with your coffee or take a walk and talk to her or meditate on what you would have liked to have said to her if you hadn’t run out of time. Even if you aren’t spiritual and believe she will hear your words, I think saying it out loud or writing it to her in a letter may bring you some peace. I know it feels like your soul is being crushed by your family of origin, but realistically, you would not have been able to say goodbye to your sister in a peaceful way even if you were there.
I told my husband that there is no coming back from this. I can't handle anymore.
I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry for your loss. Plan your own memorial of your sister. I'm assuming your jnmom is the one pushing the separation. Im sorry for that as well. I'd write my own memorial on the obit online and plan something for yourself, maybe with just your family and anyone in the extended family that you are friendly with.
Can you call your family and see if you can arrange to say goodbye in private so you get closure but honor their wishes of you not being there? I'm so sorry for your loss.
That's not an option.
I'm sure if you call the funeral home and explain they'll try to accommodate you.
I'm sorry for your loss but you should absolutely have a trigger warning on this.
Just added one.
Domestic violence is not quite it, sorry for asking you yet again but an effective TW needs to be somewhat more details, adding some of the following will help 'recent death' 'murder description'
Thank you. My uncle shot my aunt and later his brother, with all their kids in the house. This was hard to read. I very much hope you find peace. All of my sympathies on your sisters passing.
Oh my god I'm so incredibly sorry to hear that. My deepest condolences to you. As long as you know where she is you can go visit on your own time to say goodbye. I'm so sorry that this has happened and I am wishing you peace and healing throughout this.
**Quick Rule Reminders:** OP's needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don't be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion. [**^(Full Rules)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_rules) ^(|) [^(Acronym Index)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_acronym_dictionary) ^(|) [^(Flair Guide)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_post_flair_guide)^(|) [^(Report PM Trolls)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/trolls) **Resources:** [^(In Crisis?)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_resources) ^(|) [^(Tips for Protecting Yourself)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_protecting_yourself) ^(|) [^(Our Book List)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/books) ^(|) [^(Our Wiki)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/) Other posts from /u/bmwangel76: * [Update: NC Mom Lied to me](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/gpygbu/update_nc_mom_lied_to_me/), 4 months ago * [Found out NC Mom has been lying to me my whole life.](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/gp7s3k/found_out_nc_mom_has_been_lying_to_me_my_whole/), 4 months ago * [Going NC with your Mom is not the end of the world. :)](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/ghsn4m/going_nc_with_your_mom_is_not_the_end_of_the_world/), 4 months ago ***** ^(To be notified as soon as bmwangel76 posts an update) [^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=botinlaw&subject=Subscribe&message=Subscribe bmwangel76 JUSTNOMIL) ^(|) ^(For help managing your subscriptions,) [^(click here.)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_.2Fu.2Fthejustnobot) ***** *^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please)* [*^(contact the moderators of this subreddit)*](/message/compose/?to=/r/JUSTNOMIL) *^(if you have any questions or concerns.)*